"My haiku made it onto the Rude Pundit!!!!"

Well, it has been an interesting year here on the DUmmie FUnnies: the primaries, Operation Chaos, the general campaign and election, BDS (Bush Derangement Syndrome), PMS (Palin Madness Syndrome), and the brief micro-honeymoon Obambi enjoyed with the Looney Left (if you blinked, you missed it). All of it chronicled and ribbed for your pleasure here on the DUFUs!

The DUmmies, too, are in a reflective mood, as they take stock of the year now ending. Some of them have even expressed their thoughts in poetical form, using the Japanese haiku (5-7-5) as their model. Apparently, there is a blog called the rude pundit that solicited such submissions. Well, by golly, one of the DUmmies, Tangerine LaBamba (a screen name, perhaps), excitedly reports her triumph, in this THREAD, "My haiku made it onto the Rude Pundit!!!!" So let's see what all the haiku hullabaloo is about, in Rising Sun Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, himself the wag tailoring the doggerel, is in the [brackets]:

My haiku made it onto the Rude Pundit!!!!

[Better yet, you made the DUmmie FUnnies!!!!]

I would like to thank everyone who made this possible - my agent . . .

[Who asks, "Where's my 10% commission?"]

my parents . . .

[Ma and Pa LaBamba, who named their little bundle of joy, "Tangerine."]

my cleaning lady . . .

[Whose work is NEVER finished.]

my exorcist . . .

[Whose work is NEVER finished.]

and, of course, all the little people out there who did everything they could to help me make this dream of mine, this crazy, silly dream that never had a chance of coming true, come true.

[Enough already! So where is this prize-winning haiku?]

All praise to some kind of deity who might be more wonderful than I am, but I can't think of any right now.

[Not even Gaia?]

I'm so excited!

[I just can't hide it
I'm about to lose control
I think I like it]

(The music swells.)

[So does your head. But Tangerine, baby, in your excitement you forgot to show us your haiku! So let's go to that rude pundit site for a moment and behold your magnum opus . . .]

If I live too long
Spring will bring another Bush.
I hope I die first.

[Here lies Tangerine
A Democrat Underground
From Bush Derangement]

I bow before your greatness. . . .

[Chaucer. Shakespeare. Milton. Tennyson. LaBamba. A prodigious pantheon of poetic powerhouses.]

I like it, but it's not a haiku. In fact, none of them are. Those are senryus--same syllable count, but it's about human life rather than nature.

[You can't be senryus!]

Very cool. I love the Rude Pundit.

[What about the Useless Pundidiot, William Rivers Pitt?]

This calls for dancing rodents. Conga rats!

[Conga rats from your fellow Demon rats!]

Forsooth... Basho is in deep sh*t.

[DUmmie Tandalayo_Scheisskopf compares Tangerine LaBamba to the master of the haiku, Matsuo Basho. (Yes, I had to google "Basho," but I wanted an excuse to put "Tandalayo_Scheisskopf" and "Tangerine LaBamba" in the same sentence.)]

"All the little people." I feel like a leprechaun.

[You smell like a leper colony.]

Your haiku impressed
Some guy with a bitter blog
Whoop de frickin' do

[Hey, tough crowd, tough crowd
Tangerine gets no respect
Go take a haiku!]

- - - - -

BONUS HAIKUS
The year in review:

DUmmieland Ant Farm:
SOMEBODY SHOOK UP THE ANTS!
Loads and loads of FUn!

Who's Who at DUFU:
DUmmies, KOmmies, and HUffies.
It's PJ's Playhouse!

PJ, we beg you:
No waistpack on the Beaver!
We might call PETA



William Rivers Pitt
How the mighty have fallen!
Off Bukowski's stool

Tigress of Tuzla
Hillary Rodham Clinton
Stay off the tarmac!

Rezko, Wright, and Ayers
Under the bus they shall go
Yes we can throw them

Eliot Spitzer
Emperors Club Number Nine
Prostitutin' Spitz

Two Americas
Silky Phony John Edwards
Two o' marriages

"Spread the wealth around"
Opossum on the bike who
Wants to tax-hike you

Change that looks the same
Rahm and the Clintonistas
Honeymoon over

Senate seat for sale
Me, I want to make money
How much am I bid?

Blago may go down
So let's all wish the DUmmies
A Merry Fitzmas!

And looking ahead to the inauguration . . .

Emperor Zero
Cold, so bitter and clinging
Temperature zero

Hardscrabble, Scranton
Home Depot, Beltway Joe now
Gaffe Machine unplugged

Two Thousand and Nine
The Year When Everything Changed
Obamassiah!

Healing, wealth for all
Tax cuts, chiseled pecs, world peace
Lightworker, The One

"Does Obama have MANA???"

When I first read the title of this DUmmie THREAD titled, "Does Obama have MANA???" I thought it was referring to Biblical manna as "Manna from heaven." However this mana being being referred to is the mystical Polynesian Mana which gives him supernatural powers as we shall see. Yeah, Barack Obama refrains from giving his input on the Gaza strip crises and already the DUmmies are crediting him with mystical healing powers. So let us now watch the DUmmies worship the Mana in Obama in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, who tragically notes that the half price Honeybacked half ham coupons does NOT include Florida, is in the [barackets]:

Does Obama have MANA???

[Not sure but I do know that Ben Burch has MAN-A.]

By all appearances, he has it...the ability to bridge adversity with solutions

[Hmmm.... How do I deal with the Gaza Strip crises? By staring idly at my arugula salad or my half-price honeybacked half-ham?]

Hawaiian blood is not required to have Mana.....it is in the Heart, the source of Healing....

[How about Half-Aleut blood? I once considered getting in on an affirmative action program by claiming Aleut Indian blood. Do Aleuts have a casino?]

What can he do in a World of Non Mana?? We saw what happened last Summer when visiting Europe/Mid East...he showed them his Mana...

[At the same time, in a dark Berlin park, Ben Burch showed them his Manhood.]

We saw the same thing during the election process.....people cried...people smiled, ..People really began to have Positive vibes...

[Don't forget the fake fainting.]

This is MANA

[I thought it was Mañana because of the way Obama avoids making decisions today.]

Instead of sniping..we should be looking for ways to help the Man with the Special Force accomplish what very few said could be done...fix America in 3 years....

[Listen to the Jedi Master, Barack. Use the Special Force to accomplish nothing.]

We are looking a a Special Guy...he is not God per se....but ...he is Special....

[Barack is not God? Careful. You're bordering on heresy.]

No one in the GOP comes remotely close

[How about Rush Limbaugh with talent on loan from Godddddduh? And now to the other DUmmies worshipping the Man with Mana...]

Obama was born with a considerable number of gifts and abilities. What marks him as special is his willingness to use his talents and abilities to better the plight of his fellow man.

[Obama was born with a couple of grandparents willing to raise him after first his father and then his mother abandoned him. So guess who Barack wrote a book about?]

A Special Strain of Mana known as Altruism...the man is benevolent and altruistic on a scale rarely seen....

[Let us now conveniently overlook his paltry charitable contributions.]

I'm thinking second coming...or maybe not.

[Don't be shy. You're thinking Obamassiah.]

For All of Humanities Sake...for the Planet we depend on...we need to HEAL HEAL HEAL

[Barack's ex-pal, Blaggo, claims we need to STEAL STEAL STEAL.]

I also lived in Hawaii as a pre-teen... I know about the Mana

[In which dark Honolulu park did you discover Man-a, Ben Burch?]

The Myers/Briggs thing.....the N is for Intuition...meaning Obama has intuition built up from years of experience/observation/etc... Its a good sign....

[I thought it was the Ayers/Wright thing.]

I know I bow down and pray to his image every night. I hope every one here is doing the same.

[I've got a plastic Barack right up on the dashboard of my car. (Somehow I feel a parody song in there somewhere.)]

The fact is, Obama is from the culture where that concept is understood and likely colors his world view and his way of life.

[I always thought Obama is from a culture where the concept of Jihad is understood.]

Mana is a Polynesian concept well-known in Hawai'i. Humans can have mana...

[So can Ben Burch. Man-a that is.]

Obama is friendly....it's going to take a while for him to become Exalted....

[It took all of two seconds for that to happen in DUmmieland.]

Yes Obama has mana...but Warren may be bad mojo, and he's giving a blessing?!

[Will Warren's bad mojo cancel out Obama's mana? Find out tonight on Larry King Live!]

Does Obama have MANANA?

[Judging by his performance so far, Obama has Mañana. He puts off all important decisions until tomorrow.]

The Gop Rats scurry about trying to give him Lumps and Bumps...but cannot...he is Relaxed

[Obama is secure in the knowledge that he has the mystical power of Mañana.]

Yeah .... all that. He is filled to the brim.

[With Mañana.]

Birthright from being born in a place with a lot of mana

[I lived for several years in Puerto Rico where, like Obama, I learned the mystical power of Mañana. When my wife gives me projects to do, I use the opportunity to summon up the force of Mañana.]

I think some folks don't get it because it's a Hawaii culture thing....

[Mañana is also a Puerto Rico culture thing. Do I want to purchase a half-price Honeybacked half-ham? Possibly Mañana when they offer a coupon valid in Florida.]

Even my very Catholic mother got into the whole spiritual vibe of Hawaii when we lived there. It's hard to explain to someone who hasn't been there. It's not fundie worship stuff. It's more like being connected to other people and nature.... more similar to Native American cultures on the mainland... seeing the spiritual side of everything. I don't see him as a god in any way, but I do think that he has a spiritual sense that is comparable to what comes from various indigenous cultures including polynesian.

[It sounds like the HOPI ELDERS transplanted themselves to Hawaii.]

Wahine O Ka Aina Mahalo e Kokua .....Hauoli Hauoli Makahiki

[No quiero hacer decisiones hoy...Prefiero evitar estas cosas Mañana.]

Come, we go eat, drink, sing, smile, laugh, listen.....

[...and procrastinate.]

DUmmies blast away in the War On Warren!

What's the biggest issue facing America these days? The economy? The mortgage crisis? The Iran threat? Iraq? Afghanistan? The War On Terror? You might think it would be one of these, but . . . you would be wrong, at least according to the DUmmies. No, the biggest issue--the biggest CRISIS--facing our fair land is that President-Elect Obama has invited Rick Warren to deliver an invocation at his inauguration. THIS MEANS WAR--THE WAR ON WARREN!!! The homos and the heteros in DUmmieland are having a pissing contest (well, not literally--although some might enjoy that) to see who can be the more righteous in their indignation, while at the same time many of the heteros are trying to say this is not th biggest issue going. For example, here's a THREAD, "You used to be able to come here to DU," which, without directly stating it in the opening post, complains that DU has been taken over by THE All-Consuming Topic these days, i.e, the War On Warren (WOW). So recline your saddle back, settle in, and watch the sparks fly, in Purpose Driven Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, who doesn't care much for Warren as a theologian and pastor but would agree with him, I think, on social issues (abortion and homosexuality), is in the [brackets]:

You used to be able to come here to DU . . .

[. . . without seeing 400 threads on Rick Warren.]

and gets all kind of weird, random information nuggets about politics and world news. . . .

[Prepare for weird.]

Being a member made you feel like a well-informed, plugged-in human being.

[You may not want to say "plugged-in" on this thread.]

I've had enough of listening to people trying to attract bees with vinegar, let's try some honey for once and see how that works.

[HoneyBacked Ham?]

I'm not ready to jump down someone's throat. . . .

[Some are.]

I . . . want to talk about the economic stimulus package. . . .

[Others are interested in another kind of stimulus package.]

I want to talk about what kind of investments will be made in wind and solar. . . .

[BOR-ING!! Let's get to the War On Warren!]

What are we going to do to combat urban sprawl. . . ?

[zzzzzzzzzz. . . .]

what are the details so far for the withdrawal from Iraq? . . . What are we doing in Afghanistan?

[Who cares?]

WTF?

{You're getting warmer. . . .]

So please do PM all your friends to flame my post within 30 seconds of it being posted. . . .

[There will be a lot of flamers here shortly, don't worry. In fact, I see them approaching. . . .]

I'm an Erie Canal guy in San Francisco. . . .

[I bet you are.]

There are other forums than GDP. This one is like Thunderdome crossed with the news of the day.

[ThunderDUmmie.]

Maybe if you didn't make post after post telling LGBT people to shut up you wouldn't get flamed.

[Is it LGBT? GLBT? QWERTY? LSMFT? I'm so confused. (Well, so are they.)]

I'm not telling people to shut up. . . . I'm saying screaming at people . . . pure emotional venting over the same thing for weeks on end is morbid and unhealthy. . . .

[Hey, that's what DUmmies do.]

I believe in gay marriage.

[I believe in Cubs championships, but sometimes two words just don't go together.]

Too many people are running at the mouth and lumping people in groups. . . .

[You just got benburch's interest!]

you are boxing me up in this neat little box. . . .

[ben: "Yes!"]

I'm a battle-scarred old dyke. . . . I live in rural mother-f*cking Idaho. . . .

[Where Boise will be Boise and so will the dykes.]

I'm an insolent little pr*ck. . . .

[Self-recognition is the first step toward healing.]

I think we delay it by fighting among ourselves on and on over that f*cking *ssh*le Warren.

[The Name That Must Be Blamed has been mentioned! And that brings up Cali Prop 8 . . .]

A lot of the gay community . . . partied and f*cked off instead of going into the Central Valley and drumming up votes.

[They were too busy going into the Central Valley.]

I'm bi, my husband is a hedonist, you're the one that's gay criminy you're queer remember?

[The Democrats are just like us. Keep repeating this.]

Telling someone to shut up after one thread is rude. Telling them to shut up after thread # 4,987 is to be expected.

[Make that 4,988.]

I think it's SO MUCH BETTER now that every other post is devoted to screaming about two minutes on January 20th.

[The New and IMPROVED DUmmieland!]

Yeah and every other post is devoted to telling teh gays to shut up and get over it.

[Shut up and get over it.]

One could sympathize with a thread wishing we had elected a President who would pick a more neutral minister. . . .

[But Barry is the first Saddleblack President.]

The 3,900 threads on DU give Warren as much attention as the invocation does!

[4,988.]

Nobody'll be paying much attention to the invocation on Jan. 20.

[I won't even be paying attention to the inauguration.]

I've never seen so much made of so little.

[One Kewpie Doll, on the way!]

If you click on"Latest Discussions"... You'll find about 28 threads that do not mention Gays or Warren. You can read about a missing baby, polar bears, a tornado warning, The NRA, Children Centers closing, Jewish guys who write Christian songs, Life after Death (or not), A pink hippo (SeRIoUSly!), Whaling, A nasty Ash flow in Tennessee, Basque Seperatists in Spain, Karl Rove, Tension in Gaza with right wing Israelis, A car that runs on Lipo-sucked fat (Eeeuuuwww!!!!), The stunning and talented Eartha Kitt, The Taliban, Cookie recipes, A shoplifting dog (Sheeptramp recommends this one!), The Mother F*cking DUZYS!!!!!!!!

[I wanted a pink hippo for Christmas.]

I'm ready to find something here besides a constant outpouring of anger, bile and misery. . . .

[You've come to the wrong place.]

I've been kicking and rec'ing every non-Warren post for the last 5 days. . . .

[All three of them.]

Warren is a moron.

[That's "moran."]

I did see several posters get TSed for choosing an anti-GLBT response to a poll.

[Don't TS me, bro!]

non-GLBT community members need to learn to recognize GLBT anger. . . .

[What's Eating GLBT Grape?]

I guess it comes down to everyone deciding how pissed off they're going to be, and at what.

[A LOT! AT EVERYTHING!]

The OP is mad and going to pout and wave their little fists. . . .

[Others will be doing other things with their little fists.]

I heart LGBT people.

[I club Rick Warren.]

we worked so hard to get the guy elected, what other choice do we have?

[How about . . . IMPEACH OBAMA NOW!!]

Concern trolls are Freepers who come here to kill our moral.

[DUmmies don't have any morals, so how can we kill them?]

Ah ok. There's the rub...

[Quiet, ben.]

Very little gets accomplished on DU.

[Sorry, only one Kewpie Doll per thread.]

if you want to get something accomplished, you have to get offline.

[DUAC! DUAC!]

don't start a thread about how the evil glbts won't let you talk about the economy and blow smoke up our @sses telling us it isn't an anti-glbt STFU thread.

[Just blow the smoke up our @sses.]

I have battled with and detested organized religion for a long as my conscious memory stretches back.

[I myself detest DISorganized religion.]

We won't calm down.

[WE'RE FIERCE . . . WE'RE FRUITY . . . WE'RE IN YOUR FACE!]

How many threads do people need to fire up to express themselves about Warren?

[4,989.]

I'm not a "dude." I'm a middle aged lesbian.

[Same difference.]

DU goes through a constant ebb and flow of infighting. . . .

[When was the ebb? I must've missed it.]

ROCK ON GAY DUERS!! We've finally found our voice here and we're not SHUTTING UP!

["The love that dare not speak its name" has become the love that won't shut up.]

it's a swarm. . . .

[A Perfect ROVIAN Swarm!]

There are some people here who simply wish those queers would shut the f*ck up so Barack can begin his great progressive journey towards turning America into the United States of Peace and Candy.

[The Candyman can!]

I fully expect 8,000 more Warren threads in the next 24 days leading to the Inauguration. . . .

[WHEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

A lot of people on these forums don't know how to win gracefully. They remind me of my ex-wife.

[Is that you, Doug?]

My head just exploded. . . .

[The Percussed Driven Head.]

Obama ran as a uniter but his election divided the DU like crazy.

[The fact that Obambi cannot even unite the DEMOCRATS gives me hope--for the country AND for the DUmmie FUnnies! Hee! Hee!]

HUffies Worry That Cabbage Patch Doll Might Drag Obama Down

The HUffies are worried that the Cabbage Patch Doll known as Rod Blagojevich might drag their Obamassiah down as you can see in this HUffington POst THREAD titled, "Blagojevich Scandal: Governor's Lawyer Wants Obama Staff Subpoenaed." However, unfortunately for Team Obama, the Cabbage Patch Doll is NOT going gently into the night. He absolutely intends to drag his fellow Chicago Machine Democrats, including the Obamassiah and Rahmbo, down with him. And the best thing of all is that the Cabbage Patch Doll has plenty of audiotape evidence care of federal wiretaps, to make his case that the rest of the Chicago Machine is as corrupt as he is. And this has the HUffies worried, very worried. So let us now watch the HUffies sweat out the legal maneuvers of the Cabbage Patch Doll in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, wondering if the eBay prices for Cabbage Patch Dolls has gone up since this scandal broke, is in the [barackets]:

Blagojevich Scandal: Governor's Lawyer Wants Obama Staff Subpoenaed

[Since they are part of the same corrupt Chicago Machine as he is.]

CHICAGO — In a move intended to force public testimony from President-elect Barack Obama's inner circle, a lawyer for Gov. Rod Blagojevich has asked the legislative panel considering impeachment of the governor to subpoena more than a dozen witnesses, including Obama's incoming chief of staff.

State Rep. Barbara Flynn Currie told The Associated Press on Thursday that the House committee received a letter from Blagojevich attorney Ed Genson asking it to subpoena Rep. Rahm Emanuel, Valerie Jarrett and more than a dozen others, including Rep. Jesse Jackson Jr.

[And now let us watch the HUffies break out in a flood of nervous sweat...]

This season is turning into the "Holiday Season from Hell"!!!!

[Especially if one paid FULL PRICE for a Christmas Honey Baked Ham when the half price coupons are easily accessible on the Web (inside joke that I will never get tired of as you shall see).]

Don't think of trying to tie President Obama to your crooked client. the tapes speak for themselves.

[And Rahmbo's voice is loud and clear on those tapes.]

This clown doesn't know when to say when. What a joke. He did the crime now he should do his time.

[Please just confess and don't implicate your partners in crime.]

Blagojevich is a sleeze and a coward...he needs to step up and take his punishment and get on w/ his life. Not drag every one down to his level...he and Madoff can share a cell in Gitmo.

[And be tortured with A/C and extra large portions of orange glazed chicken along with being billed full price for Honey Baked Ham (inside joke here).]

Barack Obama should tell Blago to F&@K off, Fitz already cleared Obama and his transition team of any wrongdoing. In a few weeks, Obama will have too many fires to put out around the world and the fire that is destroying our economy to worry about the fire going on in Illinois. Blago must be removed from office, because he has gone power mad, just like Bu$h.

[Fitzmas is being delayed for the Obamassiah.]

Actually Blago just wants more power, he's like Anakin Skywalker who thought being a Jedi wasn't enough. Blago, like Bu$h, Cheney, Rove, has gone to the Dark Side.

[While the Obamassiah maintained his virginal political purity in the midst of the Chicago Machine.]

Geez, looks like Blag has decided if he's going down, he's gonna try to take as many people with him as he can.

[He's putting the Blag Tag on most of Team Obama.]

Thank god for executive privilege, Obama doesn't need be bothered by subpoenas.

[Obama was President when pay for play happened?]

He needs to be "neutralized" quickly.

[Fort Marcy Park?]

I hope this guy takes down all of the corrupt politicians associated with him. I supported Obama and still do. He should not be affraid to exonerate himself in this matter. However, if it is proven that he is also implicated in the shenanigans, I'm not opposed to having him removed. Our nation suffers from a chronic amount of corruption. I say again, I hope this guy takes down all corrupt politicians involved in this matter. I hope there is a non-partisan witch hunt!

[LOUSY FREEPER TROLL!!! Let the flames begin!]

If you support Obama you would know that HE IS NOT INVOLVED IN ANYTHING ILLEGAL. How would you know this. The Attorney General Patrick Fitzgerald SAID SO. Why did he say so I'm guessing its to stop folks like YOU. You talk about I hope there is not a Partisan witch hunt when there is NO WITCH TO HUNT. So hence if there is a witch hunt which is UNLIKELY its going to be a PARTISAN one.

[And if Fitz says it, then IT MUST BE TRUE.]

All of this attention to a third rate con-man is just so much crap.

[LEAVE BARACK ALONE!!!]

It's getting worse and worse for Emanuel AND Obama~

[But...but didn't Fitz exonerate them without trial?]

Blagojevich needs to plead guilty, take a shorter sentence and stop all this nonsense about Obama staff testimonies. He has a choice.

[He can choose to fall on the sword for the Obamassiah.]

I hope this troublemaker Blago gets put away for ever.

[If he paid full price for a Honey Baked Ham then he deserves to serve a life term (inside joke here).]

i heard Ed Genson is a lousy attorney, hardly knows any laws government policy. he's cheap and looks like he glutton himself...

[I heard he swallowed half a full-priced Honey Baked Ham.]

Bring it on, bent boy.

[Paging Ben Burch!]

deflect, deny, deflect, deny..

[Deflect and deny that you ever paid full price for a Honey Baked Ham when the 50% off coupons are readily available on the web.]

I'm beginning to think IL democrats could screw up a winning lottery ticket..

[Or a Honey Baked Ham half off coupon.]

I believe Jesse jackson Sr. has done something foul.

[Paying full price for a Honey Baked Ham?]

What, you're copping to setting the small fire in the Jacksons' main fireplace?

[Where I plan to warm up my full price Honey Baked Ham.]

I believe you are stoopid

[Doh! I paid full price for a Honey Baked Ham!!!]

Blago wants all kinds of things...

[Including a half price Honey Baked Ham coupon easily available on the web?]

As someone who suppported Obama bigtime, I believe that lots more will come out to the detriment of Jarrett and Rahm Emanuel in this affair. For instance, exactly why would Jarrett whose only experience is as a realtor be the person that Emanuel favored for the senate seat? What has she done other than get Michelle Obama a high paying job at the University of Chicago? And why did Emanuel push for Jarrett and then later have to say that he did so without Obama's support? Emanuel is a typical, sleezy Chicago machine politician. He succeeded Blago as congressman from the Ill. 5th district and bragged he and Obama both put together the playbook for Blago's successful run for governor. There's more to connect Blago and Emanuel and Obama than has come out. Some investigate reporter should look at Jarrett and why she was being pushed for the senate.

[LOUSY FREEPER TROLL!!!]

Blago should spend what little time he has becoming familiar with the fine print on the KY jelly tube.

[Thanx for that helpful bit of advice, Ben Burch.]

There is no such thing as a clean politician from Chicago, sad to say. Blago is simply pitiful.

[Would you mind telling me where Obama is from?]

Rahm better fall on his sword for Obama, or it will be BIG TIME TROUBLE for him.

[They must ALL sacrifice themselves for our beloved Obamassiah.]

Blago will go away if someone offers him a job. Right now he has absolutely no means to support his family and he's deep in the hole.

[Well, the Honey Baked Ham Co. needs a promotions manager to make the public aware of its incredible coupons. Believe it or not, quite a few people still pay full price for those hams when the half-price COUPON is readily available online.]

It's beginning to look a lot like Pitt's Missive!

It's not Christmas, really, without a visit from that nimble little elf, Wee Willie Pitt. Pitt knows this, of course. He EXPECTS his DUmmieland faithful to be looking forward to such a visit, so the Unusually Reticent One feels compelled to post. (The Formerly Logorrheal One was so quiet this year that voting for him as one of the Top Ten DUmmies of 2008 was something akin to, as one person noted, Cal Ripken getting voted to the All-Star team when he was past his prime.) Pitt's missive is found in this THREAD, "This might be me picking a fight with those angry at Obama, but..."

But before we get to that, it is Christmas, so it's fitting that we recall an ode to Pitt from a Christmas Past when we were having a "Bad Pitt Writing Contest" on FR:

THE NIGHT BEFORE FITZMAS

'Twas the night before Fitzmas, when all through the house
Not a FReeper was typing or using their mouse.
Their essays were stored in a file they called "Pitt"
In hopes that the contest would show off their wit.

The authors had wrestled all week to write bad,
While versions of Willie's prose ran off their pad.
And PJ in his perch there atop DUFU Towers
Had just settled his blogs for a few business hours.

When up on the DUFUs there arose such a ruckus,
I sprang from my deep snooze to see what the fuss was.
Away to "My Comments" I flew bada-bing!
Went straight to a Pitt thread to check out the ping.

The mood of delight at a new-written post
Was not what amazed or surprised me the most.
For what to my wondering eyes should appear
But a wee little DUmmie who was holding a beer!

With a bald head, an earring--I've got to admit,
I knew in a moment it must be Will Pitt!
More vapid an English I never had heard,
With sentence on sentence and word upon word.

"Now deader! Now duller! Now wordy and prolix!
On pompous! On pond'rous! Impress PJ-Comix!
Till the end of the page! Till a volume you fill!
Now write away! Write away! Write it like Will!"

He spoke not much more, which was so unlike Pitt;
He usually rambles and piles up his spit.
We wondered the cause of this newfound restraint--
Oh, not that we're angry or making complaint!

Was there something amiss? What's the worst that we feared?
But we heard Pitt exclaim, ere he soon disappeared:
"I've got to get back--a new essay to write!
I just heard that Fitz . . . is about to indict!"

And now, without further aDU, here is Wee Willie's latest and the DUmmie reactions, in Merry Fitzmas Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, enjoying Day 3 of Honeybaked Ham, is in the [brackets]:

This might be me picking a fight with those angry at Obama, but...

[But it might be you being Will the Shill, the dependable Democrat party hack.]

...some Christmas thoughts.

[Some thoughts so you think about ME!]

1. My fiancee has Multiple Sclerosis. Two of my friends are diabetic. Stem cell research will begin again under Obama. That may mean huge change for them.

[Which will mean huge change for the babies who will be killed if EMBRYONIC (the word Pitt doesn't use) stem cell research begins again. BTW, Pitt, this "fiancee" you've had for, what, a year or two now? When are you getting married? Or is this just some shack-up arrangement?]

2. A dozen of my friends are out of work. Obama's jobs plan and economic ideas stand a great chance of re-employing them.

[And further burdening the taxpayer. Government make-work jobs are not private sector jobs. Also, I didn't know you HAD a dozen friends, Will. Maybe you can get them "jobs" as "contributing editors" at truthout. BTW, what's your old colleague Jason Leopold doing these days? Whatever happened to his BackgroundBriefing (aka "BadGroundBeefing") project?]

3. I don't know any rich people, but I know a lot of middle-class working folks who will be helped by the Obama tax cut plan.

[You don't know any rich people . . . other than Mother Pitt, you mean, whose family fortune keeps you in brewskis. And the Obama tax "cut" plan--good luck with that, when the definition of "rich" keeps going lower, when all sorts of "fees" are instituted, when pass-along costs from overtaxed businesses are passed along, and when jobs are lost because of the tax burden.]

4. Diplomacy will be back in vogue. . . .

[IF Hillary can get off the tarmac in one piece! But the Tigress of Tuzla is FEARLESS!]

5. Maybe three SCOTUS justices will be stepping down in the next few years.

[Maybe only two. And hopefully, just a liberal-for-liberal swap.]

So. Healing sick people. Employing the jobless. Tax cuts for working people. Less war. Better justics. Smells like change to me.

[Smells like B.O. Plenty to me.]

Just sayin'.

[Just pontificatin'.]

Marry Christmas, all.

[Marry your "fiancee," Will.]

(hit and run, off to do Xmas stuff, sorry)

[Off to Bukowski's! Now reactions from the DUmmies . . .]

Less War? Step away from the eggnog. You do know about Afghanistan, right?

[Who put eggnog in Pitt's "eggnog"?]

but,but,but, he made a decision I don't agree with! can we hang him now?

Wouldn't Flaying... Drawing and Quartering be more, I don't know...festive? Kind of holiday-appropriate?

[Obama is the new Bush.]

What if that one issue was slavery? I am not comparing gay marriage to slavery, I am wondering if there is an issue that would make you a one-issue voter.

[Some gay marriages are INTO bondage.]

We won't have to worry the whole time he visits another country that he'll disgrace us by groping heads of state.

[Unless Barry is "on the down low."]

Strict Constructionism = Narrow Minded. And even worse are the Scalia types who believe in originalism, which makes no sense at all. It requires strict constructionism but based upon the interpretation of what the framers MEANT.

[Horrible! Instead, let's make the Constitution mean what we WANT it to mean!]

that remains to be seen, and even so, it won't stop me from speaking truth to power.

[The year would not be complete without one last "speaking truth to power" post.]

It's wonderful that you are making a commmitment to her to love, honor and protect her in sickness and in health, etc., as my partner of 23+ years and I have done - but our relationship is not legally recognized, nor do we have the same rights and benefits of marriage as you both will.

[It's funny: The heterosexuals don't want to get married anymore, but the homosexuals do!]

The bottom line is Obama will do more postive things for the country and it's citizens then not.

[The "then" makes the sentence read unintentionally FUnnie--and probably true!]

Who gives a f*ck?

{Someone got to a keyboard between hits on the bong.]

Why the hell do people now act like Rick Warren = Barack Obama?

[The first Saddleblack President.]

who gives a flying f*cking rat's @$$ what rick warren opposes anyway? does rick warren make policy decisions?

[The Obama Administration = 48 Months of Purpose.]

I think it is too late for some. Insanity seems to have set in big time.

[Engrave this over the entryway to DUmmieland.]

The '50s were great if you were white, male and straight. To hell with everybody else!

[WOO-HOO! Let's hear it for straight white males!!!]

Right on as usual, Will!

[Right on, dude! Righteous!]

Where do you get this "less war" crap? We're going on a great big compensation crusade to Afghanistan to prove we're not wimpy liberals or soft on Islam. . . .

[The War On Wimpiness! (WOW)]

Then there's that religion thing, which is the claxon of tyranny and imbecility. . . .

["Claxon." This DUmmie must have got a "Word of the Day" calendar for Christmas.]

His economic team is like Yogi Bear and his friends guarding the pickinik baskets.

[This is why he picked Tom Vilsack, so he can WEAR THE BEAR!]

"Less war" is ridiculous. To reiterate, No War. No *surge.* And get Gates out of there.

[Storm the Gates!]

Less war is better than a lot of war. Just like 1 tablespoon of arsenic is better than 2 tablespoons.

[Arsenic and Old "Less."]

Merry Christmas Will. sometimes I really miss you around here. . . .

[Finally! THAT is what Will has been waiting to hear!]

one's stance on obama basically depends on accepting the hype or not. his embrace of powell told me everything i need to know about him. warren just confirmed it. he is going to be a lousy president.

[Keep hype alive!]

"Hohoho!! ... Daa chuba tinka!!" "Mmmm.... Gran sha tacha, on bo publika makaneech pooba jeejee pa poonoo weeteebah!... hahahahaaahh."

[DUmmies speaking in tongues! Film at 11!]

Pitt's going to get his... so shut the f*ck up.

[Pitt's going to get his . . . what? His mojo back?]

I know a lot of middle class working folks myself, though, and I'll bet you not one of them gets a tax cut. Not one.

[But YOU, my friend, you are getting a Kewpie Doll, for a brief moment of mental clarity!]

In my experience what tax cuts came my way were soon offset by increased FICA taxes.

[Ah, grasshopper, you are catching on to the tax "cut" shell game!]

Warren's world works out great if you're a white man!!!!!!

[I'm going to Warren World! WHEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!]

In a just world, gay people would have the rights that you currently do, and selfish, hypocritical people like you would lose theirs, if only to teach you a much needed lesson.

[Make Wee Willie live like a gay person for a week! Well, er, on second thought. . . .]

Merry Christmas, Will, no matter how much of your list actually comes to pass.

[Hey, Will accurately predicted Rove's indictment, didn't he?]

I understand the anger of those who did so much for Obama, especially the glbt community. . . .

[What's Eating GLBT Grape?]

Inflammatory headline followed by no actual fight picking. What a disappointment.

[NEEDS MORE CONFLICT!]

when the administration acts like a bunch of unwashed baboons. . . .

[Chimpy McBama.]

pitt doesn't usually think it through. he's just a democrat.

[Hee! Hee! And this is posted on DEMOCRATIC Underground!]

Warren still s*cks purple monkey d*cks. . . .

[The Purple Driven Life.]

what is wrong about being angry at Obama?

[Gotta be angry at SOMEBODY! It's the DUmmie Way!]

Great post Will. Sad that some of the replies to your post labeled you as selfish, hypocritical, dismissive. . . .

[No, Will was EXPECTING--nay, ENCOURAGING--those replies, in order that he could get your predictable and much-coveted "DEFEND-WILL-PITT POST"! Don't you know the dance?]

DUmmies get in the holiday spirit: Seize the assets of the wealthy!

'Tis the season of cheer and good will. Except in DUmmieland! There greed, envy, covetousness, anger, and class warfare reign supreme. Witness this heart-warming THREAD, "The Wealthiest 1% Should Immediately Have ALL Of Their Assets Seized." The DUmmies want the Young Prince to redistribute some wealth THEIR way! So grab your assets before they get seized--for if the wealthiest 1% keep getting robbed, eventually you too will move up into that category--and enjoy the Marxist remarx, in Bolshevik Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, doing a quick fill-in for PJ while he battles spyware and before I get back to sermon-writing, is in the [lower tax brackets]:

The Wealthiest 1% Should Immediately Have ALL Of Their Assets Seized

[All your assets are belong to us!]

Obama is spending 2 weeks vacation in an $8500 per night rental house in Kailua HI.

[Obambi is living the HI life!]

He's going to be flying on a big jet from now on too.

[Well, we're movin' on up . . . to the East Side. . . .]

Never mind the Bush tax "cuts", it's time to roll back the REAGAN tax "cuts". I'm also in favor of a 100% "death tax" for inherited income. . . .

[What the heck, make it 150%!]

I need to bone-up on finances within our American History.

[Raising taxes would give you a bone-up.]

My mom has chosen to give a lot of her assets to us now while she is still alive. I got her car, my brother her house. I have no problem with this, as he is living near her assisted living center and is looking after her.

[She should do her patriotic duty and hurry up and die, so she can pay the death tax.]

I like this concept, it encourages spreading it around.

[Spread some in my pocket!]

the "ultra rich" shouldn't be able to use our tax system to pass on egregious and immoral sums of money to offspring. . . .

[What makes a certain sum of money "egregious and immoral"? Why is it wrong to pass it on to offspring? Woops! Sorry! I'm questioning your premise!]

Where I draw the line is something above $5M. I see that as the line in the sand between the "doing better than others or maybe even much better than others" and the ultra filthy rich. It is the latter I want, or demand to attack. I want to see the smirks on their faces disappear and find them counting the cans of beans in the pantry.

[Darn those achievers!]

Don't be ridiculous. You're saying my sister and I can't inherit my mother's house? Only a complete idiot would propose that.

[LOUSY FREEPER TROLL!]

Will Obama be our hero and seize the assets of the top 1%?

[Get real. That would hurt his big bankrollers, like $oro$.]

Obama is not going to take money from friends like Oprah etc.

[I want to see Oprah counting cans of beans. I'm afraid she'd eat them, though!]

off with their heads!

[Seize their top 10%!]

heads on pikes!!!

[Pikes Pique!]

you just pulled that out of your ass, didn't you?

[He seized it and pulled!]

If they ever sell lottery tickets for gutting and skinning them, I'll be first in line with an assortment of Ginsu knives

[New show on the DUmmieland Channel: "Who Wants to Field-Dress a Millionaire?"]

These monsters should be stopped because it's also the right thing to do.

[Grab your torches and pitchforks!]

Ooh, is it time to murder those we disagree with?? Sweet! Where do we pick up our brown shirts?

[I detect a note of sarcasm.]

Let them eat cake--from a dumpster!

[Let them eat pizza in a basement--like a DUmmie!]

y = 1/x (nt)

[Commie Code from the aptly named Commie Pinko Dirtbag.]

Then we'd have a new top 1%. We could do them, too. And keep going until I'm in the top 1%.

[Oops!]

Because we all know that the top 1% are all Pugs... errr... nevermind... BTW anyone know what percentage of the population the top 1% employ? It is always fun to blame the other guy for all the bad things, how many dems were/are misusing credit, buying homes they couldn't possibly afford, speculating on the housing market, etc. I suspect a lot. At the same time * has been in office, Dems have controlled no small amount of Washington power. The sooner we all get over ourselves and look at these problems objectively, the sooner real solutions will arise...seizing wealth from anyone (not implicitly involved in actual criminal activity) will not fix anything...just another snake oil scheme.

[DUmmie pipoman, YOU win the Kewpie Doll for a brief moment of mental clarity! Santa will be dropping that down your chimney tomorrow night.]

"I don't like the fact you have so much stuff. I want stuff. I'm going to take your stuff" There, I just summed up the whole thing. Presto Chango.

[Sorry, DUmmie Cid_B, only one Kewpie Doll per thread.]

I don't know the percentage overall. But they comprise over half of my customers. Without them, my employees wouldn't have a job and I wouldn't have a business.

[Sounds suspiciously like trickle-down economics.]

It's early yet, and the competition is fierce, but this could be the stupidest post of the day...

[Referring to the Opening Post about seizing all the assets of the wealthy. You're right, in DUmmieland it is always a fierce competition for stupidest post.]

It might be used on the Rush Limbaugh show. You know, to illustrate a point.

[Or on the DUmmie FUnnies!]

so anyone who's net worth is more than 2 million dollars should have their assets seized? That's f*cked up. That . . . would include small business people who work their asses off. It would include retirees who worked their asses off.

[We need to SEIZE their assets off!]

But.. but.. They're rich and I'm not! Thats not FAIR! *proceeds to throw temper tantrum on the floor*

Bingo! All these revolutionaries crying "Don't let 'em keep their money!" would be happy to keep it if it were theirs.

[It's a Lousy Freeper Troll INVASION!!]

When you consider that many are pure socialists and some would even call themselves communist, it's not surprising. As for me, I want strong regulated capitalism, progressive taxation, and European socialist programs for the benefit of society.

[IOW, socialism.]

Wouldn't it be interesting to examine who wrote the Constitution and how it represented certain vested interests. . . . Not too difficult to see who identifies with the ruling classes here.

[DOWN WITH THE CONSTITUTION!]

But don't worry - I include myself and all of us among the oppressors. . . .

[DOWN WITH MYSELF!]

Why do NFL players or some actors make millions a year?

[If you're referring to the St. Louis Rams, I've been asking the same question.]

Obama views the constitution as a list of negative values so maybe he can change it.. Then we can make the greedy wealthy pay.

[So the greedy DUmmies can get some of their wealth for doing nothing.]

the average millionaire is unassuming, thrifty, and works more than 45 hours a week, often as a small business owner.

[DON'T CONFUSE US WITH FACTS!]

Instead of engaging in envy and murderous thoughts, study hard, go to medical school, and BECOME one of the 1%.

[Then YOU can have your assets seized!]

Do you mean literally seize all their assets? Or just very steep taxes? I definitely support super-taxing the super-rich, but NOT just going in and seizing their assets.

[That would be too honest and straightforward.]

The mega-wealthy used their power to STEAL money from the rest of us. It's not their money. Their assets should be seized until a FAIR return of OUR money is figured out.

[Stunning. This DUmmie is serious.]

for the record i am not opposed to such a seizure as the op mentioned. in fact, i'll help.

[Another DUmmie getting in touch with his Inner Marxist.]

not exactly envy, more like hatred. . . .

[It's kind of an envy/hatred mix.]

look, i don't imagine any of this is actually going to happen without revolution.

[The DUmmies are revolting!]

I'm fine with eating the rich. But we can't do it in one bite.

[A rich-rich diet!]

Great idea! Screw 'em! Oh, wait a minute, I just thought of something... my boss is one of those people and he won't be able to pay me anymore, and I will be out of a job. Perhaps it's not such a great idea after all.

[Reality bites.]

How Many Times? Do we iterate the confiscations of the top 1% every quarter. Then pretty soon the top 1% will be people who make $100k per year. And then those who make $60k. And then everyone who makes more than $40k?

[Hmmm. . . . problem. . . .]

Why not the top 2%? 10%? The top 25%?

[Let's go all the way! Seize the assets of the top 100%!]

It's all about the top 1 percent, the Corporations and their stockholders. We are all just serfs in their game of life.

[Serfs up!]

Pure idiocy on so many levels. Simplest is it is unconstititutional. Come back when you can think.

[Don't hold your breath.]

Just because many people who are poor or middle-class are good people, does not mean all wealthy people are evil.

[NO! NO! DO NOT DISTURB OUR STEREOTYPES!]

F*ck that "liberal" sh*t.; I'm a Leftist

[An honest DUmmie.]

I can support seizure of 95%

[Piker!]

This is the United States, not the Soviet Union....

[Ay, there's the rub.]

sure, progressive tax them. But then apply also a mandatory servance of, i'll just throw out a number...say 40 hrs a week community service. . . . In other words, make them 'volunteer'. . . . What a lesson in forced empathy it could be... and if they refuse, yeah, hang 'em.

[Serve lunch or be lynched.]

What is the difference between making someone "volunteer' and slavery?

[Shhh!]

Why not force poor people to live the lives of the wealthy instead? . . . And then we can all join hands, rich and poor, and sing The Internationale.

[FORCE everyone to be wealthy!]

We're all brothers, as Marx said.

[Groucho or Chico?]

Revolution Time. It's time for real Americans to organize, and do just that. Take back what is ours, and imprison the thieves and politicians that made this happen.

[TO THE STREETS! TO THE BARRICADES! Liberté! Égalité! Fraternité!]

Look on the bright side... Whenever the Have Nots show up, there is always lots of good singing. . . .

[The Les Miz Argument.]

Do you really think that people would be willing to struggle to get to the top if everything they owned could be seized because you think that would be "fair"?

[QUIET!]

I wouldn't take away their assets. seriously, what's a middle class guy like me going to do with P Diddy's gold toilet seat?

[Bling?]

Gee. I wonder why they call us the looney left?

[Hey, you've been reading the DUmmie FUnnies!]

"Senate-for-sale case threatens new chief of staff"

Barack Obama's designated Chief of Staff, Rahm Emanuel, is caught up in the Illinois senate seat sale scandal...and it's Karl Rove's fault. I kid you not! Oh, and the Associated Press is some sort of rightwing organ for reporting on this senate seat sale. Such are the delusions of the DUmmies as you can see in this THREAD titled, "Senate-for-sale case threatens new chief of staff." So fasten your seat belts for a trip into DUmmie Fantasyland presented to you in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, looking forward to Karl Rove being blamed for EVERYTHING that goes wrong in the Obama administration, is in the [barackets]:

Senate-for-sale case threatens new chief of staff

[Karl Rove's fault!!! Oopa! I jumped the gun but its coming.]

By BRETT J. BLACKLEDGE and TAMMY WEBBER, Associated Press

CHICAGO – Gov. Rod Blagojevich is legendary in Illinois political circles for not picking up the phone or returning calls, even from important figures like the state's senior senator, Dick Durbin.

But there was always one call Blagojevich regularly took, say his aides, and that was from Rahm Emanuel — his congressman, his one-time campaign adviser and, more recently — and troubling for Emanuel — one of his contacts with President-elect Barack Obama's transition staff.

The friendly rapport Blagojevich and Emanuel shared over the years has suddenly become a troubling liability for Emanuel and the new president he will serve as chief of staff.

Emanuel and Obama have remained silent about what, if anything, Emanuel knew of the governor's alleged efforts to peddle Obama's vacant Senate seat to the highest bidder.

Emanuel did contact the governor's office about the appointment and left Blagojevich with the impression that he was pushing Valerie Jarrett, a close Obama friend, so he wouldn't have to compete with her in the White House for Obama's attention, said a person close to Blagojevich. The person was not authorized to talk about the governor's discussions regarding the vacancy and requested anonymity.

[This sounds like a very likely scenario but not for the DUmmies. They need Rovian twists for this plot.]

I thought the tapes pretty much cleared Emanuel of any possiblity of involvement. This is a Democratic Governor and an Administration the RW would like to see fail. If they didn't undermine Obama, they wouldn't be doing their job.

[And somehow you already heard those tapes so you know that Emanuel is in the clear. But even though you have no proof, you're already blaming the "RW."]

"BO should can Emanuel and replace...with his good bud Rick Warren".. Now that would be fun! Great Idea!!

[The conniption fit that would cause you DUmmies would be worth several dozen DUFUs.]

Ap - All Propaganda. From what I have read lately I can't say the AP is totally unbiased in their reporting anymore. The AP has seemed more than willing to run with any of the 'pseudo' scandals the rightwing wants to throw out there. So I wouldn't worry about this too much. I believe, by request of those prosecuting the case, Obama is holding off reporting what he and his staff know about the situation. Until they are allowed to tell their side I'm sure we will continue to see these none news stories that only opine that maybe possibly, if things are the way the reporter imagines (no proof just imagination) them to be that somebody might be in trouble about something that could be tangentially connected to President Obama. We put up with 8 years of this crap with Clinton (Okay in the end he was stupid enough to actually get caught doing something) and I don't think we should put up with it this time. Whenever so called reporters come up with this stuff we should demand their sources and there evidence otherwise they should be told none to politely to shut the f**k up.

[Except when the source is Richard Armitage. Then you DON'T want to know.]

Blago and Emmanuel have had a fairly close relationship over the past decade or more. I have friends who have/do work for Blagojevic and chances are this info is being leaked from his office. If Blagojevic goes down someone (or someones ;) is going to soften his fall.

[How dare you inject a note of rationality into this thread!]

It's common knowledge that Rove tells AP what to run. There are validated e-mails that confirm this.

[You have 24 business hours to share those "validated e-mails" with us.]

Exactly. AP is about as untrustworthy a source as one could ask for. And not untrustowrthy in the old Soviet mold. They had to come up with a new Propaganda Strategy becausde the so few were fooled by the old Soviet Method.
Now comes Goebbels v2.0, authored by murderer and serial-felon Karl Rove, which contains the new and improved Tyrant's Friend, The Art of Lying Without Technically Lying.itself an amazingly powerful and nakedly evil strategic construct. And AP is a HUGE part of it. Only a fool trusts the AP without some level os skepticism. I'd as soon trust the Nazi Newspapers, Germany circa 1939.

[Yeah, the idea that the highly political Rahm Emanuel, who was a close adviser to Blagojevich, would be in any way involved with the senate seat selection is so beyond the realm of possibility that his must all be a Perfect Rovian Plot.]

awwwe - what a shame this is still going on...but ya know what - since obama's SLAP in the face to us GBLT - I now could care less...! and I'm to busy to lift a finger to help anymore... kharma's a bitch... let us know when you want our help again...HA!

[Revenge of the Lavender Monster!]

THis is being leaked by Blago? Are you high? It's being leaked by Rove.

[But of course. Rove is daily dealing with the machinations of this scandal by faxing false information from a Kinko's in Amarillo.]

Please let it be true! I can't think of anything better right now, than to see rahm go down in glorious flames.

[Expect to be gloriously flamed.]

Oh, perhaps you'd rather have Andy Card back? Or Rove. You're FOOLISH !

[And there's the first scorching flame.]

...a former Consiglieri/Enforcer for the DLC....taking a last ride in the backseat of the limousine..."This ain't personal, Rahm. Its business"....

[Said Karl Klemenza.]

As for a horrible start to the Obama administration; that's already been accomplished by his bringing so many corporatists, neo-liberals, and Clinton retreads on board. Not to mention inviting a misogynist bigot to give the invocation at the inauguration. Nope, Obama has accomplished a horrible start all by himself.

[And who says Obama can't operate on his own?]

I see a RNC coordinated Divide and Conquer action going on. Do not doubt that a fair number of the outraged voices who are demanding Obama's head on a platter are actually Freeper moles who delight in seeing Democrats in disarray before they ever even take over the WH.

[LOUSY FREEPER TROLL!!!]

Two things about this:

[Uh-oh! Standby, DUmmie genius at work:]

1. This is probably what Rove was aiming for when this investgation became public.
2. Big Media (and some DUers) continue to whore for Rove.

[Everything being manipulated by puppetmaster Karl! When does he even get time to sleep?]

DUmmies Enraged Over Choice of Rick Warren to Deliver Invocation

WAAAAH! Why can't we have everything exactly our way? WAAAAH! Barack Obama chose someone to deliver the invocation at his inaugural that we don't like! WAAAH! Even though nobody remembers what is said at the invocation we are going to soil our diapers over this! Yes, the DUmmies are throwing a conniption fit over Obama's choice of Rick Warren to give the invocation at his inaugural next month and it is FUn to see them go over the edge as you can read in this THREAD titled, "Rick Warren? OK then, f*ck you too, Mr. Obama." So let us now watch the DUmmies toss profanity around over Rick Warren in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, wondering if Caroline Kennedy could serve as a backup Obama invocator in case Warren is tossed under the bus, is in the [barackets]:

Rick Warren? OK then, f*ck you too, Mr. Obama.

[Let the F-bombs fly!]

F*ck you, f*ck your stupid little jesus complex, f*ck your pandering to the uncommonly lowest denominator. F*ck it all. And especially f*ck you, Mr. Obama, and your jesus pals. F*ck you all.

[Going for the Guinness Book of Records for the most F-bombs used by appropriately named DUmmie Lance_Boyle? And now to the other angry DUmmies...]

Quick! Name two inaugural invocationists in the entire history of the United States. I'll spot you Billy Graham.

Can't? That's because NO ONE GIVES A CRAP, AND NO ONE WILL REMEMBER A WORD THAT GUY SAYS 30 SECONDS AFTER HE LEAVES THE DIAS.

[But will your remember what he says 30 seconds after he leaves the noches?]

I understand the anger. Rick Warren leading the invocation at the inauguration is an insult to many who worked their asses off to get Obama elected.

[I was sort of hoping that Michael Savage would have been chosen to deliver the invocation.]

Obama should realize that having Warren give the invocation is as offensive to gays and those who fight for civil rights for gays and others as it would be to fundies if Rev. Wright was giving the invocation. He had a lot of choices that would have been much better than Rick Warren.

[How about the choice of Ben Burch to deliver the invocation? Would that make you happy?]

Well, let's make those fundies happy, and ask him to ask Jeremiah Wright, his long-time pastor, give the invocation. What do you say?

[Actually it is a slap at Rev. Wright that he wasn't chosen but once under the bus, you must STAY there.]

The freeps are also up in arms over it, in case you hadn't noticed

[We are only upset because Pastor Charles Henrickson won't be delivering the invocation but I'm tossing his name out there for the Palin 2013 inaugural.]

We just can't go on as a country with people screaming at each other. One of the things that drove voters away from McCain was the aroma of hate from the Palin rallies and her supporters like Joe The Skinhead.

[The Ohio government official who investigated "Joe The Skinhead" has been driven away from her job.]

Obama needs us more than he needs Rick Warren, who already betrayed him once.

[Warren still has to betray the Obamassiah twice more to make it thrice before the cock crows.]

I'd love to know his justification for doing these things. Maybe he'll have warren march with the openly gay marching band. I'd pay to see that.

[Buy your ticket to that event from Ben Burch.]

I cant, for the life of me, understand why he's doing this. Giving this honor to an asshole that supported Prop 8 is... well... abhor able. It just isnt right. And I wannna know WHY.

[You can find the answer at the Brokeback Church.]

Put Rick Warren in a cone of silence and leave him there. This was a mistake.

[Meanwhile your skull is still stuck in the cone of silence.]

I make in my pants sometimes.

[And that was the infamous William Rivers Pitt informing us about his pants fouling habit.]

Obama is a Born Again Christian why are you upset?

[He is? Did that happen on the campaign trail?]

The more I see of this guy, the less I like. So I won't be watching the inauguration. Rick Warren is a collosal piece of shit. F*ck him and anyone who supports this shit.

[Including Obama.]

People change. Sen. Robert Byrd is a former member of the Klan. How do you think that process of change worked?

[Not well. And Byrd wasn't just a member. He was some sort of Grand Imperial Klizard.]

I'm sure that the inauguration address by Obama will just ooze hatred

[More likely it will just ooze snooze.]

This OP is dead serious about Rick f*cking Warren and Obama's bad f*cking decision. I'm bitter that Jeebus gets any representation at all at the inaugural - WTF did a corpse of 2000+ years have to do with anything? But I guess somebody has to be there to placate the religion-stupids. Imagine an inauguration with no prayer! The HORROR!

[Still lancing your boyle?]

madfloridian reacts! "Floridian, the Bad Mood DUmmie"

This is a Special Mini Follow-Up Edition of the DUmmie FUnnies (SMFUEDUFU). On Monday we posted this DUFU, "Dean-obsessed madfloridian stars in 'Days of Our DUmmies.'" In it we tracked how HER OWN FELLOW DUMMIES were ridiculing madfloridian for her Howard Dean obsession and her hypersensitive victim act. Well, proving once again that there are many crypto-DUFU-readers over at the DUmp, guess who has weighed in on our DUFU? Yes, the Dean-obsessed Hypersensitive One herself! It's in this THREAD, irrelevantly titled, "When Daniel E. Teodoru posted this at the DNC blog in 2005, he said he was old and dying." The subject matter of the thread is not important. What's interesting is that in it madfloridian demonstrates both her Deanocentricity and her hypersensitivity--and she shows that SHE READS THE DUFUs!

So here in this SMFUEDUFU, we will quickly chronicle madfloridian's remarks, in Marxist Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent is in the [brackets]. And then, as a tribute to madfloridian, I, Charles Henrickson, the wag tailoring the doggerel, will post an EXPANDED and EXTENDED version of a parody I began here on Monday: "Floridian, the Bad Mood DUmmie." When we get there, be sure to click the music link and sing along!

When Daniel E. Teodoru posted this at the DNC blog in 2005, he said he was old and dying.

[Who cares? Let's get to the FUnnie stuff!]

I posted at another forum where I used to post in 2005. . . .

[2005--you're making progress. Usually you're stuck in 2003, the Year of Howard.]

I must mention beforehand that the name of a certain chairman is mentioned by him.

[I wonder who that chairman could be. Could it be . . . Chairman How?]

I know, I know. I said I wouldn't, but I'm not. He is.

[OK, OK, so you have found a way around your promise not to mention the name of Howard Dean ever again: Let somebody else do it and quote him.]

I need to be careful because two right wing websites that make fun of DU folks . . .

[I wonder which ones THOSE could be! My guess: The DUmmie FUnnies in both its blogspot version and its Free Republic version!]

. . . are targeting me everytime I write....so they can use this against me.

[Yes, folks, madfloridian--along with a HOST of other DUmmies, I'm sure--reads the DUmmie FUnnies! Let's all wave and say hi to maddy! "Hi, maddy!"]

Have fun, guys. They think I don't know. I know, and I don't care. Heh Heh.

[Yes, we do know that you know! Hee! Hee!]

And now for our musical tribute to madfloridian. (Here you can read the original lyrics to Groucho's "Lydia, the Tattooed Lady".) Now click the tune link below and sing along!

FLORIDIAN, THE BAD MOOD DUMMIE
Tune: "Lydia, the Tattooed Lady"

My laughs were wrapped around the moonbats. Her name was madfloridian. I met her at DUmmieland in 2008--it seemed like 2003. . . .

Ah, madfloridian!
She is the most grouchiest Marxist
Under the ground
Pitt! sfexpat! graywarrior!
Rolled in a mound. . . .

Ohhh. . . .
It's madfloridian
She's done flipped her lid again
Floridian, the bad mood DUmmie
She's a Howard Dean fanatic
With a knack for things dramatic

It's madfloridian
That DUmmieland idiot
Floridian, the queen of DU
When attacked she will threaten to leave the zoo
But five minutes later she's crying "boo hoo"
There's always a "don't" but there's never "adieu"
You can laugh at madfloridian!

When her thread hits the scene
And it's all filled with Dean
Don't you speak up and criticize
For that's when you will see
She's a martyr DUmmie
Contending to win the self-pity prize

Oh, it's madfloridian
She's done flipped her lid again
Floridian, the bad mood DUmmie
She's depressed about Obama
Everything's a melodrama

It's madfloridian
That DUmmieland idiot
Floridian, the queen of DU
When she posts there on DU she's taking a chance
With a sign that says "kick me" that's stuck on her pants
And on a good day she can shake up the Ants
You can laugh at madfloridian!

Come along and see maddy-flo's paranoia
But her victim act will be sure to annoy ya
Here is maddy bawling again due to ridicule
Here she's diving back into the swimming pool

She thinks Howard Dean is the Perfect Progressive
And that makes our maddy a little possessive
To Vermont, and she just crossed the border
Now she's breaking her restraining order

Oh, it's madfloridian
That DUmmieland idiot
Floridian, the queen of DU
She whimpers and whines and says that she's through
But watch as her post count goes up by a few
There's always a "don't" but there's never "adieu"
That's the mode of madfloridian!

Dean-obsessed madfloridian stars in "Days of Our DUmmies"

We have previously DUFUed threads by DUmmie madfloridian, notably HERE and HERE. What we have learned about DUmmie madfloridian is that she a) is so FAR LEFT she thinks Obama is a centrist (due to the gatekeeping influence of DLC Clintonista Rahm Emanuel), b) is OBSESSED with Howard Dean, and c) is EXTREMELY SENSITIVE to any criticism. That makes for a FUnnie combination once again now in this THREAD, "It hurts when an era comes to an end, and we go back to what did not work." Let's identify the recurring players in this melodrama for ease of reference:

madfloridian (MF), the put-upon, always-threatening-to-leave-but-never-leaving martyr
sfexpat2000 (SF), defender of madfloridian
wyldwolf (WW), persecutor of madfloridian
Writer (WR), persecutor of madfloridian
babylonsister (BS), persecutor of madfloridian
Some Other DUmmie (SOD), i.e., not one of the main players

Like ants through the ant-farm glass, so are the "Days of Our DUmmies" . . . in Bolshevik Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, amused but not amazed that this is how the DUmmies act when they WIN, is in the [brackets]:

MF: It hurts when an era comes to an end, and we go back to what did not work.

[Love hurts, doesn't it, madfloridian? You're just mad about Howie, but no one else is as obsessed as you!]

MF: Howard Dean has stepped down, which was expected. What was not expected was the party apparently closing the door so hard it hit him on the way out.

[The doctor is OUT!]

MF: How about a thank you?

[How about a love letter?]

MF: It's sad when eras come to an end. It's hard to accept, and hard to handle when no one is saying the words that are clear and honest.

[The Howard Dean Era is over. There's this guy Obama, but he's no Howard Dean. Thank you, madfloridian, I'm sure you will have MUCH more to say. But now for some reactions from your fellow DUmmies. . . .]

BS: Boo f*cking hoo. . . . Alert me the next time you post something w/o Dean in the mix. THAT might be interesting.

[A madfloridian thread without Howard Dean is like a day without sunshine, which is like . . . night.]

WR: No f*cking SH*T. I swear to God, I think this poster has an altar set-up to this man.

[Where madfloridian does her Daily Dean-votions.]

MF: Can you respond without anger and ridicule? My post had none of that. That is what is hurting DU lately.

[Leave me ALONE!]

WR: And your obsession with Howard Dean is hurting us, as well. MOVE ON.

[madfloridian's website: MoveOn.orgasm]

SF: The readers of this thread thank you for stopping by with your contribution of curses, insults and orders.

[sfexpat2000 rushes to madfloridian's defense!]

WR: Here's a curse: F*CK. Here's an insult: YOU SMELL. Here's an order: I WANT FRIES WITH THAT.

[Special orders DO upset us!]

WR: just how f*cking obsessed the OP is with looking at the entirety of Democratic politics from Howard Dean's perspective. This has been going on for the last four years: What speeches did Howard Dean make today? Did Howard Dean have a waffle for breakfast? Look - Howard Dean just turned in his rental car at Dulles. OMG - Howard Dean has been denied the rightful chairmanship/ambassadorship/cabinet position/Kingship that he deserves!

[Why can't Howard just eat his waffle?]

WW: you forgot one important element. The victim-martyr act whenever anyone disagrees.

[DUmmie wyldwolf knows his madfloridian.]

MF: Ah, the old martyr thingy that has been tried since 2003 early on against us.

[I think madfloridian is possessed by a demon. Hence the "us."]

SF: Maybe the problem here is not madfloridian's contributions, wyldwolf, but your habit of trying to tear posters down. . . . I thought about responding to your posts on this thread. And realized getting out of your way as you insult a DU treasure was the best course of action.

[But, sfexpat2000, you just RESPONDED!]

MF: You and your buddies have won, ww. I will not mention Dean's name again in GDP...your ridicule worked.

[Why do I have a hard time believing you, MF?]

WR: I really think this OP has an unhealthy obsession.

[Ya think?]

WR: I very sincerely wonder if his loss in the 2004 primary was an especially big blow to her, perhaps emotionally traumatic.

[YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!]

WR: Obama enjoyed a lot of populist support and I suspect he will continue to do so. Just because it's not the DEAN version, doesn't make it any less beneficial to all Americans.

[Who's this Obama fellow?]

BS: I have a problem when Dr. Dean is brought into every conversation, about anything.

[You know, back in 2003, Howard Dean once made a remark about bike paths. . . .]

SOD: Now I can just run on over to FR to discover how to behave in a political forum.

[Visit the DUmmie FUnnies, the most POPULAR feature on FR! Learn how to have FUn!]

SOD: Does anyone even know if/what Dean wants/wanted.

[A better bike path. And a restraining order against madfloridian.]

SOD: I wouldn't doubt it if Dean is being left "apparently" un-rewarded (or whatever) as a symbolic gesture to other factions, since he is kind of a lightening rod.

[The Democrats WISH they could be lightening Rod!]

MF: It's just like 2003 here again. In many many ways. Sudden influxes, words of ridicule.

[madfloridian is STUCK in 2003! Howard Dean is ALWAYS the Perfect Progressive heading into victory in the PRIMARIES!!!]

WR: What is so particularly special about 2003?

[2003, The Year of Howard.]

MF: DU has been calling the same people the same old tired words since 2003. I don't call names, I write thoughtful posts. Why can't you disagree without ridicule?

[Leave . . . me . . . ALOOONE!!!]

SOD: OMG, maybe Howard Dean doesn't want a job in the Administration? HAs anyone here spoken directly to him?

[madfloridian hasn't spoken DIRECTLY to him, but she has made some late-night calls and quickly hung up.]

SOD: Good grief! You must think about Dean 24 hours a day!

[At least!]

SOD: I have googled Dean. . . .

[madfloridian has ogled Dean and giggled.]

SF: This thread is about ganging up on madfloridian.

[sfexpat2000 is only $10 away from winning a Kewpie Doll!]

SF: Sometimes, DU reads just like free republic. . . .

[Sometimes, DU reads just like a stalker's diary.]

SOD: Never underestimate DU's capacity for people being out of their minds. . . .

[A mistake we NEVER make here at the DUmmie FUnnies!]

MF: He was in a great position to lead a more progressive movement at that time. Now he can't, just as many of us predicted.

[Howard's End.]

SOD: My path in politics has been so like Dean's. . . .

[A bike path?]

SOD: Yes, Gov. Dean is leaving as head of the DNC but that DOESN'T mean the total destruction of everything he has helped build. What is it with writers perdicting in LONGGGGG posts the total destruction of the Democratic party in the next election because X has or hasn't happened in the space of 1 second!

[It's the Eve of Total Destruction!]

SOD: I'm still holding out for an appointment for Dean.

[Howie is going to be Ambassador to Micronesia and Lichtenstein and Luxembourg and Monaco and Zimbabwe and Zanzibar and Burundi. . . . YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!]

SF: I just want to know what Howard has planned next.

[Whatever it is, I don't think he will be telling madfloridian. I am reminded of Richard Dreyfuss trying to get away from Bill Murray in "What About Bob?".]

MF: And the big winners are the ones who ridicule. . . . It really is not worth it to come to GDP anymore with any ideas that are different. Ridicule wins everytime.

[Let's see if madfloridian can indeed stay out of the GDP (General Discussion: Presidential). . . .]

WR: G'd*mn it - get off it. Here's the problem: You put your lifeblood into a long post essentially knocking the president-elect for not going "by way of Dean." When people raise objection to it, you get defensive, passive-aggressive, and start your Scarlett O'Hara bit about being the victim of ridicule.

[madfloridian, starring in "Gone with the Long-Winded."]

WR: OBAMA IS NOW THE PRESIDENT AND PLANS TO SERVE THE AMERICAN PEOPLE IN THE BEST WAY HE KNOWS HOW.

[Who?]

WR: HOWARD DEAN, WHO DID A GREAT JOB AS DNC CHAIR, IS STEPPING DOWN.

[NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD!!!!!!!]

MF: I was not criticizing Obama. I will not post anything in GDP that mentions that name ever again.

[Somehow I don't believe you, MF.]

SF: I hope you change your mind.

[Don't worry, she will.]

MF: Why does the DLC not have Obama's pic above Rahm and Hillary's?

[She did.]

MF: Ridicule...the tactics of Rove and Atwater are still alive and well. And they really do work.

[Perfect Rovian Scorn.]

MF: I thought I had the guts to post stuff in this GDP forum that was not in lockstep...but I don't.

[But you just did. For the 447th time.]

SF: Maybe you need a break from this cr@p. . . . Whatever the need is, fill it, madfloridian.

[MF is thinking: "So now even YOU, sfexpat--even YOU are turning on me!"]

MF: I just won't use Dean's name again in GDP.

[Wanna bet?]

MF: I was once part of a Dean-inspired forum which thereafter became different in many ways.

[I KNEW you couldn't stop!]

MF: I will check back if the thread continues to clear my name...again and again.

[OCD much?]

MF: I repeat to defend myself.

[You sure do.]

WW: This sub-topic stems from the off-topic tangent you were in upthread.

[We're in a sub-topical climate.]

MF: To those of you wondering what is going on in this thread. . . .

[Give up!]

MF: This is the last post I make in GDP. . . .

[Let's see how long that lasts. . . . 4, 5, 6, 7. . . .]

WW: promises promises. . . .

[8, 9, 10. . . .]

MF: The way this post was hijacked is the way our party was changed.

[11 seconds!]

MF: And they are the winners now....ding ding ding. Let's the ring bells loudly.

[Cue the Hunchback of Notre DUmmie!]

MF: If they can drive me out of GDP, and ridicule me...they can do it to anyone.

[But they CAN'T drive you out of GDP! No one can! Not even yourself! You just keep posting, and posting, and posting . . . always threatening to leave, never following through!]

SF: I hope you disengage, madfloridian.

[Even sfexpat2000 thinks you're nuts!]

MF: So I must give in to all this? That's really how it works, isn't it? I'm out of GDP.

[NOOOOOO!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!]

WR: This entire thread is quite ludicrous.

[And thus PERFECT for the DUmmie FUnnies!}

SOD: F*ck the DLC, and f*ck anyone who bashes Howard Dean. Because without him, we'd be one more melanoma away from President Palin right now.

[Instead, we're one melodrama away from madfloridian leaving.]

SOD: I love this thread. I love the replies. I love the flames, by-the-bye.

[Love is all you need. . . .]

MOD: Locking. This has become a trainwreck.

[Locked and laughed at!]

- - - - -

BONUS PARODY:

FLORIDIAN, THE BAD MOOD DUMMIE
Tune: "Lydia, the Tattooed Lady"

Madfloridian!
She is the most grouchiest Marxist
Under the ground
Pitt! sfexpat! graywarrior!
Rolled in a mound. . . .

Ohhh. . . .
It's madfloridian
She's done flipped her lid again
Floridian, the bad mood DUmmie
She's a Howard Dean fanatic
With a knack for things dramatic

It's madfloridian
That DUmmieland idiot
Floridian, the queen of DU
When attacked she will threaten to leave the zoo
But five minutes later she's crying "boo hoo"
There's always a "don't" but there's never "adieu"
You can laugh at madfloridian!

When her thread hits the scene
And it's all filled with Dean
Don't you speak up and criticize
For that's when you will see
She's a martyr DUmmie
Contending to win the self-pity prize

Oh, it's madfloridian
She's done flipped her lid again
Floridian, the bad mood DUmmie
She's depressed about Obama
Everything's a melodrama

It's madfloridian
That DUmmieland idiot
Floridian, the queen of DU
When attacked she will threaten to leave the zoo
But five minutes later she's crying "boo hoo"
There's always a "don't" but there's never "adieu"
You can laugh at madfloridian!