"Today I left the Republican party ..."

Our DUmmie Ant Farm is endlessly entertaining. We get to observe the little critters in their natural habitat, burrowing underground, scurrying to and fro, all for our amusement. Sometimes something sets them off, and they go into a tizzy, swirling and circling in mad consternation. Other times they seem all energetic and upbeat. It's FUn to monitor the many moods of our DUmmie ants!

And when a new ant enters the ant farm, the long-time residents greet the newbie by extending their ant antennae in both welcome and suspicion. That's what he have going on today, as new DUmmie future_of_the_party (26 posts) announces, in this THREAD, "Today I left the Republican party ...." This thread was quickly kicked and recommended to the top of DUmmieland's "Greatest" list, garnering almost 400 replies in less than 48 hours!

So let us now peer through the glass of our DUmmie Ant Farm and see how the new convert is welcomed, in Bolshevik Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, is in the [brackets]:

Today I left the Republican party ...

[Welcome to the Ant Farm, future_of_the_party!]

They mocked democracy and said that free men were weak! I am a man who loves liberty! Look into the eyes of your foe psycho republicans, and know that I will die for my freedoms! The world must never again mistake compassion for weakness! And while I live - it had better not!

[Stout words, brother! Speak truth to power!]

I have been mulling the switch for months now. Today I made the switch officially.

[Kind of like a sex change, isn't it?]

I hope you all can open your arms and embrace me as a fellow and future democrat.

[Group hug!]

When the mob and the press and the whole world tell you to move, your job is to plant yourself like a tree beside the river of truth, and tell the whole world— “No. You move.”

[Whoa! Metaphorical magic!]

Thank you DU!

[No, thank YOU! {BELLS, HORNS, WHISTLES, CONFETTI!!!} Now to your new neighbors, as they bring over the Welcome Wagon . . .]

Welcome to DU

[First reply, a hearty howdy!]

I'm curious what took you so long. george w bush was A-OK with you? Still, if you're sincere - welcome.

[Second reply, suspicion.]

I was asleep but now my eyes are open.

[Rip Van future_of_the_party]

Welcome! The fact that you already have a star by your name speaks volumes!

[Yeah, but making a small donation in a order to get a star COULD be a trollish trick to deflect suspicion. . . .]

First thing you need to do is buy a shirt.

[No shirt, no shoes, no service.]

Our arms certainly are open to you! Welcome to DU! Welcome in from the cold!

[Yes, a WARM welcome!!]

Nice to have you with us! The coffee's over in that corner. The beer in that one. Bathrooms, back there.

[Where Pitt is hunched over the porcelain.]

It's hard not to be a skeptic. . . .

[In DUmmieland it's hard not to be septic.]

Welcome to the house of many voices.

[A DUmmie will hear many voices in his head.]

Welcome. . . . It's a pretty messy tent here, though. . . .

[Watch out for the pizza boxes!]

Now will you work on others that are on the dark side and change them over too?

[Be a Little Lightbringer Underground Achiever!]

Changing your mind is very tough to do. The mind's ability to hold onto old beliefs is staggering.

[Look at Pitt, he's staggering.]

Ummm....welcome?

[This DUmmie is sniffing the new dog's privates.]

Welcome home, future_of_the_party ... we're a motley crew of in-fighting, not-always reasonable or coherent but highly opinionated bastards who will love you one minute and hate you the next. . . .

[DUmmie NanceGreggs is bucking for a Kewpie Doll.]

Please remember that DU . . . may be a bit more left than you are used to.

[Ya think?]

Welocme to the light, man.

[Duuude!]

I hope that the Democratic Part does not disappoint you while you realize that Democrats are not angles. . . .

[But they are obtuse.]

There's probably few around here more skeptical than I am when it comes to post Bush conversions, But I'm willing to give anyone a chance to show they are actually members of the human race rather than those alien posers who feed on the misery of those less fortunate than themselves. . . . I don't care what you call yourself so long as it's not one of those Vampirific Knuckle Dragging Spit Dripping Paleo Republicans.

[Puny earthlings! Fools! Don't you know we Republicans are really . . . Vampirific Knuckle-Dragging Spit-Dripping Alien Posers from Outer Space!]

hey welcome !..and I'm not even American !

[Is that you, Barack Obama?]

Welcome to the Big Tent!

[But if I were you, I wouldn't put my sleeping bag over there by Barney Frank.]

*cough* deadlyaj *cough* Can't believe this is on the front page.

[Ruh roh! DUmmie Starry Messenger has discovered a previous thread that could spell trouble for DUmmie future_of_the_party. . . .]

I'm just sorry I didn't see this last night. I remember what got him granite and seeing him on the front page here makes me cringe.

[DUmmie future_of_the_party is a previous tombstonee??]

The funny thing is...a year ago he addressed his "fellow Democrats" on DU...but now he says he's only just left the Republican party.

[DUmmie Jackeens blows the whistle too! The lights in the guard towers scan the grounds!]

future_of_the_party is deadlyaj who was tombstoned a while ago.

[Oops! The jig is up!]

This poster is a zombie.

[LOCK! BAN! DELETE! AA-OOGA!! AA-OOGA!!]

Deadlyaj is my OLD roomate

[future_of_the_party claims a case of mistaken identity! I DON'T think it's going to work!]

The plot thickens!

[The burial plot for the tombstoning!]

Dum de dum.

[DUm!]

Aw geeze. What more proof do we need here? DNA?

[Ready . . . Aim . . .]

I don't understand why people keep recommending this and welcoming him.

[Because they're DUmmies?]

I do not think that Future has a Future here.

[Days of Future Past.]

Ahh he will just come back as someone new again! remember how many times Bev harris did the same gig.

[Ironically, DUmmie flyarm, one of the cheerleaders from the Andy FUndraiser, now reminds us how easily the DUmmies are DUped!]

- - - - -

BONUS DUFUAGE

From further down the DUmmie thread:

We don't know who you are... here we don't ask for your credentials. here we don't ask you to beg forgiveness for being a jackass republican all your life. . . . here we don't demand you ask for absolution. . . . we don't berate you for these things. . . . here we do not ask for credentials, require abasement or a loyalty oath. we give shelter to everyone. so here, your past is washed away, and you are born anew.

[I guess the born-again DUmmie's past was NOT washed away. The credentials committee went and excommunicated him.]

Wow. People are *still* falling for this. Is there ANYTHING DUers won't fall for?

[Let's see . . . BBV Bev, I BELIEEEEEEEEEEEEEVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, The Andy Situation, MIHOP, THE DAY WHEN EVERYTHING FINALLY CHANGED!, Fitzmas Freudenschade, LOUSY FREEPER TROLLS!!! . . . Nope, there's not much the DUmmies won't fall for.]

We're a big mixed bag of nuts, ya know.

[A bunch of nutbaggers.]

This site is full of Republicans now, so you'll fit right in! Or, I should say, you would fit right in, if you were for real.

[Hee! Hee!]

Some comments on the Traditional divisions within the GOP.

Both parties are coalition, some members are not even on talking terms with each other but are in the same coalition. The classic situation was FDR retaining the Southern segregationist while catering to Civil Rights for Blacks, the later to recruit Northern Blacks to the Democratic Party, the Majority of Blacks in the US were Republicans till the 1930s, the chief reason for Stevenson defeat by Eisenhower in 1952 was 1/3 of all blacks voted for the GOP (The last time that occurred).

Now the GOP is made up of the following groups:
1. Northern Rural Voters, these people vote how their ancestor shot in the Civil War (Southern Whites did the same till the passage of the 1964 Civil Rights act). These Northern rural voters vote GOP on the local levels and carry that to the State and National Levels. The problem for the GOP is this group has become less and less enchanted by the GOP. This group want the Government to fix the roads, provide Education, and help society as a whole, objectives that the present GOP has been abandoning since Reagan. Like southern white (who are noted for voting Democratic at local elections, GOP in national elections) Northern Rural Voters have started to vote Democratic on the state and National level while staying GOP for local elections. The Local rural GOP is still staying on traditional GOP role as Government is a necessary evil, but the key it is necessary and as such provides more good then evil.
2. Wall Street/ "Hamiltonians" i.e. follower of Hamilton and his policy that what Government should do is help business. These are at present the strongest group within the GOP for the simple reason they have the most money. Whenever they get control over the GOP you get something like we have today, a Government that does all it can to help the Rich but tells the working class and the poor that they are on they own.
3. The Edmund Burke Conservatives. Edmund Burke was an English politician (Believed to have been a Catholic, but never admitted to be such for that would have prevented him from being a member of the English Parliament when he was a member in the late 1700s). He supported the American Revolution but opposed the French Revolution for the former was a revolt AGAINST change, the later was a Revolt for Change. Burke believe society should NOT change unless it was clear that the change was for the good, change for change sake should be avoided, but change that is needed must be done. These have always been the intellectual back bone of the GOP (In many ways Hamilton was more a follower of Burke then he was a "Hamiltonian" I described above). Burke opposed the French Revolution for it represented a radial break with the past, a break that was to severe to be done quickly and in Burke's view would lead to more problems then solution. The Classic case for the Burkean Conservatives was the 1964 Civil Rights Act, it was just a modest change and a much needed one thus more GOP congressmen voted for it then Democratic Congressmen (Remember a good number of Democratic Congressmen in the 1960s were still Southern Segregationist that opposed to the 1964 Civil Rights Act). After the collapse of the GOP during the Great Depression, but before Nixon opt for his "Southern Strategy" this was the major force within the GOP. It has since been sidelined by the Neo-cons.
4. Southern Conservatives. Both the Democratic party and the GOP had members who were into power for power sake, a strong military but minimal domestic spending (Such Domestic spending, in this groups eyes, did nothing but weaken the ability of employers to exploit their employees). This group, like the wall street barons above, want the ability to exploit anything to make money, even if it means it harms other people, the planet or anyone else. This group oppose Government restrictions as to how they can spend their money, what they can buy and how they dispose of their waste. This group believe that NONE of that is the concern of Government. In the Democratic Party this was the people most for segregation. In the GOP the most opposed to government regulation of the Economy, pollution etc. This differ from the Wall Street Barons only in that they tend to have less money but more people (Thus the Wall Street Baron have done they best to help this group, for it shares much of the same view as Wall Street but at the local level as opposed to Wall Street).
5. The religious Right. Now the Religious right has had a strange history. Prior to the 1950s, it was part of the Democratic Party(and in some parts of the Rural South still is). This group is often used by group #4 to stay in power by group #4 (and Wall Street) telling them that if they vote GOP the GOP will make sure their religious views are not only protected but implemented as much as possible. This groups is pro-choice and Anti Gay Marriage (Through only part of it is truly anti-gay). They would like support for religious education but oppose restrictions on how they spend that money. They believe if a more "Christian" view of the world is adopted by the Government, the world would be a better place. Till the 1960s these were solidly Democratic, mostly do to the Democratic party attitude to help individuals and groups of lower income. In the 1950s, as desegregation became bigger and bigger, these groups were used to justify segregation, various parts of the Bible was used to show segregation was "God's way". Martin Luther King was attacked excessively for as a minister he was not viewed even by whites as in league with the Devil, but he opposed segregation. The real swing occurred with Abortion, for abortion was clearly NOT a racist issue so could be used to to get this group to vote for the GOP who constantly said they would abolish abortion. Many old segregationist joined this revival and swung from opposing desegregation to opposing abortion. Many religious people were able to forgive people for they previous stand on race and accept the attack on abortion. During the Desegregation fight, the Democratic Hold over the Religious Right weakened as the National Democratic Party embraced desegregation. With the abortion issue the GOP saw a chance to move these former Democrats to the GOP by pining abortion onto the Democrats and portraying themselves as Anti-abortion. This worked for over 30 years, but only as long as the GOP could claim it was out of office OR stop by the Democrats do to the Democrats control of at least one branch of the Government. That ended in 2000 when Bush won the Presidency and the GOP retained control of the House and Senate. Furthermore every GOP Supreme Court Nominee since Reagan has been presented as Anti-abortion and pro religious right. The problem was the GOP failed to do anything for the Religious right. Month service was provided, but no national law as to abortion. No National law for financing religious schools, no national program to support the Religious Right. Furthermore the Religious right had a problem with the Iraq war, it was clearly NOT a "Just War" as most christian doctrine have held to be a requirement since the days of Thomas Aquinas, and while some of the religious right was willing to ignore almost all of the above, most of the religious right wanted some show of support for their agenda. The problem was the Right wing Religious agenda involved spending money that did NOT go to Wall Street nor to those people who wanted power for power sake. In many ways this lack of response to the Religious right lead the Religious right to boycott the last two elections. They would NOT vote for a Democrat but would also not vote for a Republican (in many ways the Vote on Same Sex marriage in California was a God send to the GOP, it lead to a turn out of the Religious Right that strengthen the GOP candidates running in California, which some people believe was the plan from day one i.e. Get the Religious right out to vote against Gay Marriage and while they in the booth they will cast their vote for the GOP candidate. Now a lot of blacks came out and voted against Gay Marriage, but most lived in Solidly Democratic districts, the GOP wanted the vote out in the marginal district, where the GOP could lose the seat. In 2008 the religious right was ineffective, with many of its members either voted for Democrats or stayed at home (The Majority voted for the GOP, but NOT in the numbers in the recent past).

AS you can see these are the Five main groups within the GOP. The Rural Farmers are leaving as are the Burkean conservatives. The Religious right is standing on the side line leaving only Wall Street and their allies the Southern Conservative leadership still active within the party. These two groups are NOT big enough for the GOP to win back control of the Government, but neither is willing to make the compromises needed to get the other three groups back in. This happened in 1936, after losing the 1932 election the GOP retreated to its then inner core, Wall Street and its supporters and lost all but two states in 1936. In 1940 the GOP realized it had to broaden its base and nominated an ex-new dealer. In 1944 and 1948 the GOP ran a tough on Crime ex-DA (Dewey), while emphasizing that inner cities were controlled by the Democrats and how corrupt such cities had been since the Civil War (While ignoring the fact that until the 1920s, with the biggest exception of New York City where both parties fought for control of the city, almost every city in the US was GOP controlled. Yes, when the Cities were they most corrupt, the GOP controlled them). These old GOP city bosses were just northern versions of what I called "Southern Conservatives:" i.e. more concern about how they can use government to enrich themselves and their friends then in doing what is good for society).

It took the GOP till 1952 to win back control of the Presidency. While the GOP had regained control of the House in 1946, the passage of the Taft Hartley act and other restrictions on the New Deal acts, convinced enough americans NOT to put them back in till 1994. Eisenhower won with a GOP controlled Senate, but he lost it within two years and the Senate stayed Democratic till Reagan. All during that time period the GOP tried to get people to vote for them but could not for the simple reason no one trusted them when it came to domestic policies (Till 1994). Since 1994 the GOP has shown that it has reverted to what the American People rejected in 1936, till 2008 the GOP kept it hidden but between Hurricane Katrina (and the lack of Government support for the victims), Bush showing how NOT to fight a war, and the downside of the housing bubble has put the GOP in the same view of the American people it had in 1936. I do not know if it is going to change. It should, but it will have to be beaten up some more before it does so. Just like the Democrats were beaten up in the 1920s (and again in the 1990s) for being viewed as being to far to the left. Sometime a party needs to be beaten up to fly right and the GOP needs that to happen to it over the next few years (OR I fear it will disappear and the Democratic Party taking its place on the Right as nature abhors a vacuum and without the GOP the Right will be a power Vacuum pulling the Democratic party to the right, a huge fear of mine for the Country has been going to the left over the last 10-15 years and if the Democratic party goes to far to the right, a new party will have to form to the left, a party that will have a hard time winning any elections).

[DUmmie happyslug does this HUGH, long, Pittian, historical-analysis essay, as Reply #336 on this thread, long after the OP has been exposed and banished . . . and NO ONE WILL READ IT!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!]

"Actors you were bummed to find out were Republican..."

I was actually planning on doing a DUFU about either the DUmmies or KOmmies biting their fingernails over the survival of public option in ObamaCare. Right now they are acting as if their very existence depends on public option remaining. However, I find the constant micro-analysis of each little nuance and twitch of the various Senators and Congress folks to be highly annoying. Like their self-absorbed neurosis was making me neurotic reading about it. Therefore I decided to go with the FUn THREAD, "Actors you were bummed to find out were Republican..." At least one of the actors mentioned actually surprised me since I would have never guessed him to be a Republican. So let us now watch the DUmmies get bummed out over Republican actors in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, reminding everybody that Lou Costello was a conservative Republican (really), is in the [brackets]:

Actors you were bummed to find out were Republican...

[John Wayne?]

Robert Downey, Jr.

Can't believe he went all Pro Bush...

[I have to admit this actually surprised me as well. Even more of a surprise than finding out that Richard Feynman was also a Republican.]

Tom Selleck. I thought he would be too smart for it.

[I figured Selleck for a conservative...which is why Rosie O'Donnell went nuts on him.]

Jimmy Stewart. From all his movies you got the idea that he was an empathetic humanist. He was a solid repub though.

[No surprise there. I already knew this about Jimmy.]

If he were alive today, I think he wouldn't still be a republcian.

[Somehow I can't picture Jimmy Stewart hanging out with the ACORN crowd.]

William Holden and Barbara Stanwyck... were two more old school republican, Eisenhower types

[William Holden was Best Man at Ronald Reagan's wedding. Barbara Stanwyck? She was the wife of Robert Taylor who testified in Congress about the Reds in Hollywood.]

Bruce Willis, Dennis Hopper

[And Willis had the sense to ditch that airhead Demi Moore.]

wow, would not have expected Dennis Hopper that is sad

[May we send you a consolation card?]

Patricia Heaton. I absolutely despise her since I found out she's a Republican. Especially after I read some of the comments she has made. Blech!!! That's the only one that bothers me. Don't have any negative feelings about the others I know of who are Republican.

[Send her to The Hague for political Thought Crimes.]

I can't watch her anymore. She is a good comedic actress. However, once I know something like that, it just destroys my image of them.

[Is Playboy Playmate Petra Verkaik a Republican? Somehow I don't think her politics would be my main concern if I ever happen to bump into her.]

Robert Duvall. he's a REAL asshole, too. smug, arrogant, uber macho prick. so that makes it easier to loathe him, unlike Downey, who I've always liked a lot can't believe he swings that way must've been all the drugs

[Was Gabby Hayes a Republican? That knowledge would greatly influence how I perceive Roy Rogers movies.]

What??? Robert Downey Jr.?? Is that true? I had not heard that. My wife will be crushed when she hears this -- he is one of her favorite actors.

[Your wife will have to retire her bong pipe.]

Clint Eastwood

[Kind of hard to think of Dirty Harry as a kneejerk liberal.]

Stallone. Who coulda guessed?

[Easy to guess that when you watch the Rocky Balboa movies.]

Gary Sinese

[No surprise there. And I've been a big fan of his since watching him in "True West." A great play.]

John Voight

[No surprise now but years ago I sort of had him pegged for a liberal.]

Jim Caviezel

[Jesus was a Republican. Remember that.]

Mary Tyler Moore told Parade last year how much she loves Bill O'Reilly and said she'd campaign for McCain/Palin if asked

[FUn Fact: Morey Amsterdam from the Dick Van Dycke show was a big supporter of Ronald Reagan.]

Adam Sandler shattered my illusions.

[Another Republican. I loved him as Dave Buzznik in "Anger Management." Was Dr. Buddy Rydell also a Republican?]

Phyllis Diller.

[Bob Hope must have rubbed off on her.]

Here is a list of them: MEATLOAF? And, Cindy Williams of Lavern & Shirley

[I never thought about it before but Meatloaf's political leanings surprises me as well.]

R. Lee Ermey is a Republican?!

[How could you possibly think that Sgt. Hartman would be a liberal Democrat?]

Micky Dolenz of the Monkees. He apparently appeared as a headline act at a teabag event in Texas. Bummer.

[Peter Tork?]

Drew Carey. Majorly bummed about that

[Then I better not tell you about Lou Costello.]

"Mmm, Mmm, Mm! Barack Obamassiah"/"All Hail, Glorious Emperor"

Zero loves the little children
All the children in our schools
Red and yellow, black and white
Future voters in his sight
Zero loves the little children in our schools

By now you probably have seen the VIDEO of those schoolchildren singing the praises of Barack Obama. And if you have been a follower of the DUmmie FUnnies for any length of time, you would expect two things: 1) The DUmmies would have a nutty thread on it; and 2) We here at DUmmie FUnnies would DUFU it. And since it involves singing, you could also expect: 3) I, Charles Henrickson, the wag tailoring the doggerel, would do a parody of it. And you would be right on all counts!

First, the parody--two parodies, actually, since the kids did two songs.

"OK, now everybody, let's sing it together, on the count of three." "Alright! I like dat!" "One, two, three . . ."

MMM, MMM, MM! BARACK OBAMASSIAH
Tune: "Mmm, mmm, mm! Barack Hussein Obama" (at 0:33)

Mmm, mmm, mm!
Barack Obamassiah

He said our children we must raise
To trust his name and sing his praise
Mmm, mmm, mm!
Barack Obamassiah

He said he wants to spread the wealth
And now he wants to run our health
Mmm, mmm, mm!
Barack Obamassiah

He said we hate him 'cause he's black
His Marxist plans we thus attack
Mmm, mmm, mm!
Barack Obamassiah

He said we got all wee-weed up
Do not disturb, do not disrupt!
Mmm, mmm, mm!
Barack Obamassiah

No!
Mmm, mmm, mm!
Barack Obamassiah

"OK, now let's do the song, everybody together. One, two, three . . ."

ALL HAIL, GLORIOUS EMPEROR
Tune: "Hello, Mr. President" (at 1:26)

All hail, Glorious Emperor, we come to worship you!
Our school has now become your church, and every desk a pew

All hail, Glorious Emperor, we really think you're great!
Our teachers fill our skulls of mush, it's called "Indoctrinate"

All hail, Glorious Emperor, we praise your holy name!
Our teachers make us wash our hands, and then they wash our brain

All hail, Glorious Emperor, we lift our hands in praise!
Our teachers hope you'll follow through and give them all a raise

So we praise you, Glorious Emperor, there's nothing more to say . . .
If we don't sing this crummy song, they won't give us an "A"!

In-doc-trinate!
In-doc-trinate!
In-doc-trinate!

Now let's see what the DUmmies have to say about all this, in this THREAD, "School Children Sing Praises To Obama." Open your hymnals, then, and follow along. The DUmmie versicles will be in Rubric Red, while the responses of your DUFU liturgist, Charles Henrickson, will be in the [Barackets]:

School Children Sing Praises To Obama. What do you gals and guys think of this?

[It's peachy keen! All hail, Emperor Zero!]

enjoy your stay

[First reply: Prepare for tombstoning!]

i am NOT a freeper and I find it a bit CREEPY. . . . It's something straight out of North Korea.

[LOUSY FREEPER TROLL!!!]

Who "suggested" that we dredge up this OLD YouTube video? Some BODY sent out talking points?

[It was Jim Thompson.]

Looks like the latest tempest in a teapot, or echo in the chamber...

[. . . or cultism in the classroom.]

What is "CREEPY" about it? You freepers act as if Obama forced the kids to sing. . . .

[He did threaten to kill Barney if they don't sing. (No, the purple dinosaur, silly!)]

I see nothing wrong with it.

(Is that you, Kim Jong-il?]

Kids singing? BFD

[Kids being indoctrinated? BHO]

I'm not fond of it. Primarily because of the deliberate inclusion of his middle name.

[Are you ashamed of "Hussein"? What's wrong with that? Say it loud, say it proud: "Barack HUSSEIN Obama!" Mmm, mmm, mm.]

Plus, we must consider that SEVERAL of same link "concern-type" threads have arisen this morning?

[This place is LOUSY with Concern Trolls!]

Just a wild guess here...you aren't a fan of Dale Carnegie...

[That was yesterday's DUFU: "How to Win Friends and Influence People, and Pepper Spray Them," by Spicy Crow.]

Song being compared to Hitler youth. . . . Hitler youth? These right wingers are @ssholes.

[Dear Leader IS a National Socialist, isn't he?]

Obama is what I would call a hybrid president. . . .

[Part socialist, part fascist.]

He is a political and military leader, but he is also a pop culture phenomenon. He's like the Prime Minister and Princess Diana rolled into one.

[Or like Chance the Gardener and Serena Williams rolled into one.]

it's only natural that school children would feel the effect and be part of the love train.

[The love train runs on the Democratic Underground Railroad.]

You can buy Obama stuff at Disney World and EPCOT!

[I especially like the Odumbo Ears.]

Wal Mart has been selling Obama poster, Obama greeting cards, puzzles, key rings, etc.

[The Obama puzzle is how this clown ever got elected.]

Oh, and some bookstores now have a whole Obama section!

[Obviously in the fiction department.]

I am not a Troll

["I AM A HUMAN BEING!" . . . Thank you, Elephant Man.]

I have not been able to verify a specific school where this was done or that it was a school activity. The latest claim seems to be that it was at a Burlington Township School on June 19. School was out of session by then and the facilities were used by several different organizations. So far, I have identified one dance group that had rehearsals on June 19. A different one had recitals and rehearsals earlier that week and one of their performers has a strong resemblance to the blond kid who seemed to be demonstrating the song and routine at the beginning of the video but who does NOT appear in the rest of it while the kids are singing as a group. Look at the blond kid in the red shirt at 00:11 then go to http://www.home.jaztabal.com/3.html and to Picture 22 "Scrooge, Ignorance and Want" and see if you think it is the same kid.

[MIHOP! We now have . . . Youthers?]

He does appear in it. The thing is, the "gotcha" has to be flipped: You have to think, "Aha, there you are! Gotcha!" If he's not there it makes the video more suspicious and since you think it's suspicious just confirms what you already believe or want to believe. A null result is what your confirmation bias wants, in other words. So to circumvent your confirmation bias you have to go with the opposite assumption and seek to undermine your suspicions. Make sense?

[Clear as mud!]

Is there paranoia among some here? So you noticed?

[Kewpie Doll on the way!]

I watched a video on YouTube showing Michael Jackson alive, getting out of a coroner's van . . .

[Van Jones?]

. . . in an underground parking lot.

[Democratic Underground. We come full circle.]

It MUST BE REAL! It was on YouTube!

[The Reality-Based Community® has trouble accepting reality, in this case, NEA schoolteachers indoctrinating little D'Andre and Makayla.]

"Freeper Encounter Just Now at My Local Walgreen's!"

One of the recurring thread-types we have chronicled here at the DUmmie FUnnies over the last five years is the "My Encounter With A Freeper" thread. In a MEWAF thread, the DUmmie recounts an incident in which he or she either 1) converted the Freeper, 2) put down the Freeper, or simply 3) experienced bizarre boorish behavior from the Freeper. This latter subtype--a "MEWAF-III," as we call it in the trade--is what we are dealing with here today, a Freeper Encounter of the Third Kind.

It should be noted, MEWAF threads may be more or less fictionalized to make the DUmmie look good and the Freeper bad. The "crazed," "angry" behavior of the Freeper in the story may be just a case of DUmmie projection. BTW, you can always expect MEWAF threads around Thanksgiving time, when DUmmies reluctantly have to deal with their normal relatives around the dinner table.

With that background, then, we move to today's THREAD, "Freeper Encounter Just Now at My Local Walgreen's!" DUmmie romantico relates the experience of encountering a crazed, angry, female Freeper in a parking lot. The Freeper in question had an Obama Joker bumper sticker on her car, and DUmmie romantico's reaction was the match that lit the fuse. So let us now go over to the parking lot for this MEWAF story and the subsequent DUmmie comments, in Bolshevik Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson--like Charles Walgreen, a Swedish-American Republican from Chicago--Charles Henrickson, who sometimes overhears DUmocrats in the coffee shops but usually resists the temptation for debate and an easy kill, is in the [brackets]:

Freeper Encounter Just Now at My Local Walgreen's!

[MEWAF Alert! Incoming!]

OK,I am in shock. I have in the past encountered freepers at work and even in my own family at holiday get togethers. However, NOTHING compares to what just happened to me.This just happened about a half an hour ago. I am not exaggerating or embellishing this at all.This is EXACTLY what happened.

[Translation: Highly fictionalized story coming up. Do tell, DUmmie romantico.]

As I got out the driver from the other car got out as well.I noticed a bumper sticker on her car of Obama as the joker with the words SOCIALIST on it. . . . I glanced down, never looking at the driver, and I just smirked. THAT WAS ALL I DID.

[Other than keying her car.]

Well, the driver,this soccer Mom, saw my smirk and just went off on me.She started in on this rant about Obama and socialism and how liberals are destroying the country and so on. Having said that,this woman who I describe as a Soccer Mom in her mid to late 30's called me something I had never been called before,especially by a woman. She called me the C word (???)

["Communist"???]

She said the C word 4 times.

[You must have been parked in the C-section.]

The entire rant lasted about 20 seconds and I at first ignored her and started walking to the entrance.I then said to her to SHUT UP!

[Brilliant!]

What would she have done if I had a Pro Obama sticker on my car?

[Smirked?]

All I could think of was to tell her to shut up in which she responded, "WE WON'T BE SILENCED!!!"

["OR SMIRKED AT!!!"]

I had only been awake for about 20 minutes or so, no coffee and like I said,who freaks out over just a smirk?

[You DUmmies did. Remember all those "Smirking Chimp" remarks about President Bush?]

I mentioned it to the clerk inside and he just shrugged his shoulders.

[He was thinking, "Not another whiny Democrat!"]

I assumed she had the sticker on her car as a way to express herself and her views. I smirked and found it amusing and also disgusting and she freaked out.

[Especially when I slashed her tires.]

I am more terrified of these nuts than I am any foreign terrorist.

[They might be suicide bumpers. . . . Now the other DUmmies chime in . . .]

maybe she was an intoxicated driver.

[Nope. The Kennedys are all Democrats.]

Or heading into the drug store for her meds.

[DUmmie projection, notice.]

Yeah, sounds like a meth soccer mom.

[The New Meth. . . . Back to DUmmie romantico . . .]

she was rabid. I know that sounds a bit dramatic but she was beat red. . . .

[Boy, that's worse than being beet red.]

she was beat red. . . .

[And you are Bolshevik Red.]

Don't let it ruin your day. Make yourself a super-delicious breakfast and play some music.

[Tofu waffles and the Internationale! What a way to start the day!]

I have MANY, VERY good friends who are Rs, and to some degree share these sentiments. . . . But, again, friends are friends.

[LOUSY FREEPER TROLL!!! LOCK! BAN! DELETE! LOCK! BAN! DELETE!]

I will never, ever understand right-wing wackaloons.

[Try starting here: A limited federal government, with few and specifically enumerated powers. That's the main point of that thing called the Constitution. Think about it. Then think about the armed robbery that is mandatory wealth redistribution (socialism) vs. voluntary charitable giving. Think on these things, and soon you will be a right-wing wackaloon too.]

you were right to say nothing. . . . The best thing is to play dumb. . . .

[Not a stretch for your average DUmmie.]

Next time take a deep breath . . .

[. . . on your joint. . . .]

Expect the worst from RWers. I keep a peace keeper in the trunk these days.

[I thought you guys were for gun control??]

"WE WON'T BE SILENCED!!!" Yes, yes they will.

[Fascism much?]

This is an example Of why they make those little cans of MACE you can attach to your car keys.

[MACE: When you can't think of a snappy comeback.]

The C word???

["Chimp," as in "Smirking Chimp"?]

this woman sounds like she has serious problems. She's been dittoed to death, Becked to bits and royally Foxed up.

[As opposed to being Olbotomized, Garofaloed, and coming down with Maddow Disease.]

That's not the C word she called me. She called me a word I NEVER use. . . . A word that starts with C and ends with T.

["Cat"? She called you a cat?]

why would she assume just because I smirked that I was disagreeing with her. . . . For her to assume I was a liberal just because I smirked is confusing.

[It may have been your body piercings, purple hair, and pungent aroma that gave you away as a lefty.]

what's say I rustle up Skittles and we kick her ass for you

[So says DUmmie CatWoman, who enjoys being called the C word.]

It's like arguing with a dining room table - Barney Frank

[I like arousing a dining room table leg - Barney Frank]

i was verbally put upon by an anti-abortionist while registering voters during the campaign. he essentially said obama wanted to murder babies, but what i remember the most is how his face was red with rage. . . . i don't get what drives these hateful people.

[Maybe they're opposed to murdering babies. Just a thought.]

When encountered with the bat shit crazy people of the world, I call upon my earliest days in the theatre where we used mirroring exercises... you ain't seen bat shit crazy 'till you've seen my impersonation! LOL! Plus, I've had vocal training and can project my voice with astounding volume and clarity. . . .

[Me, me, me! Look at MEEEE!!!!!]

Remember the old scout motto: "Be Prepared"

[Remember the old Democrat motto: "Key Their Car."]

just dismiss her with a regal flick of your hand and walk away.

[CHICK PICKS FLICK TRICK!]

I just usually respond to people like this, by looking at them and making the sound of a crow. CAW! CAW! CAW! CAW! CAW! . . . Then I pepper spray them and try to get them to chase me across a busy street. My friends call me the "Spicy Crow".

["How to Win Friends and Influence People, and Pepper Spray Them," by Spicy Crow.]

These people scare the sh*t out of me.

[CAW! CAW! CAW! CAW! CAW!]

Yeah, she threw in the F word also but it was the C word that shocked me.

[CAW! CAW! CAW! CAW! CAW!]

Fifth Anniversary Special Edition: Return to Rathergate

Li'l Beaver sez:
"Today is the DUmmie FUnnies' FIFTH ANNIVERSARY!
Ask me anything!"

Yes, boys and girls, it was five years ago TODAY that PJ-Comix started the DUmmie FUnnies as its own stand-alone feature on Free Republic! Since then, the DUFUs have grown to amass the LARGEST ping list on FR--1,037 pingees!--and have spawned a DUmmie FUnnies blog on Blogspot.

And what a FUn ride it's been! We started by satirizing just the DUmmies of Democratic Underground, but PJ has expanded our horizons to take in the KOmmies of Daily Kos and the HUffies of Huffington Post. The Looney Left provides a target-rich environment!

Let's take a little trip down memory lane, shall we? The mere mention of memorable DUFU terms should bring back loads of laffs: Perfect Rovian Storm, BBV Bev, "just $10 away", Pied Piper Pitt, Deconcession Chamber, "I BELIEEEEEEEEEEEVE!!!", Crying DUmmie, LOUSY FREEPER TROLL!!!, Hopi Elders Prayer, Chimpus Khan, Head DUmmie Skinner, DUmmie stevenumbers, Not One D*mn Dime Day, MIHOP, Kewpie Doll, DUmmie Ant Farm, The Andy Stephenson Situation, Scamdy, foliage, sfexpat2000, goodboy, The Day When Everything Finally Changed, DUAC! DUAC!, Pitt in a ditch, fire ants, Lucy pulling away the football, Chimpeachment, Bukowski's, Ty the Bouncer, Peace Love & Tolerance, "Is that you, benburch?", Fitzmas, Freudenschade, Leopold & Lib, Sealed vs. Sealed, 24 business hours. . . . And that's just a small sampling from our first couple years! The list goes on and on.

Our DUFU today, appropriately, brings us back to the beginning. The DUmmie FUnnies began on this date in 2004, and the very first DUFU edition was titled, DUmmie FUnnies 09-22-04 PM Edition (Was Roger Stone Behind Memogate?). As the Fates would have it, today we make a Return to Rathergate, with this current DUmmieland THREAD, "CBS loses bid to dismiss Dan Rather lawsuit."

But before we get to the DUmmie comments, let's click the music link and sing along with Dan!



THEY'RE COMING TO TAKE DAN AWAY
Tune: "They're Coming to Take Me Away, Ha-haaa!"

Remember when I broke the news
How Bush got in the Guard
And didn't have to leave
To go to Vietnam?
Well . . .

I pushed that story hard
Just weeks before Election Day
And so of course you know
The thoughts I had in my mind
Like . . .

They're going to give me a prize, Ha-ha!
They're going to give me a prize, Ho-ho, Hee-hee, Ha-ha!
For a journalist
Who helps the Democrats all the time
And I'll be happy to put
That nice award
In my trophy case
And they're going to give me a prize, Ha-haaa!

You thought it was a fake
And so you cringed
You cringed when people said
That superscript was not done at that time
Right . . .

The people laughed, I heard them laugh
They laughed, they laughed and laughed
You made me leave
But now you know I'm Rather upset!
So . . .

I'm going to take you to court, Ha-ha!
I'm going to take you to court, Ho-ho, Hee-hee, Ha-ha!
For a tidy sum
Like six--no, seventy million bucks
And put me back on the Evening News
And make all the viewers watch
And I'm going to take you to court, Ha-haaa!

I read your news
I gave my views
And this is how you pay me back
For all my years of bold unbiased news?!
Hah . . .

Well, you just wait
I'll find the proof
And when I do
They'll know that Dan is not some sort of old unbalanced nut!
'Cause . . .

They're coming to take me away, Ha-ha!
They're coming to take me away, Ho-ho, Hee-hee, Ha-ha!
To the Kinko's store
Where fake but accurate faxes fly
And I'll be happy to see
Those daring scoops
Come across my desk
And they're coming to take me away, Ha-haaa!

To the anchor desk
With lights and cameras and breaking news
And four producers who sit and smile
And tell me that I'm the best
And they're coming to take me away, Ha-haaa!

To the Kinko's store
Where fake but accurate faxes fly
And I'll be happy to see
Those daring scoops
Come across my desk
And they're coming to take me away, Ha-haaa!

And now, without further aDU, we go to the DUmmies, in Bolshevik Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, aka the Wag Tailoring the Doggerel, filling in for the Big Guy, PJ--who is probably celebrating the DUFU anniversary even as we speak by feasting on Jamaican jerk chicken and Flor de Caña rum with Li'l Beaver at DUFU Mansion--is in the [brackets]:

CBS loses bid to dismiss Dan Rather lawsuit

[So now . . . now . . . the truth will finally come out . . . and we can finally impeach Bush--and Cheney! . . . and, and . . . TO THE HAGUE WITH THEM!!! WHEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!]

A New York judge on Monday rejected CBS Corp's bid to dismiss former TV news anchor Dan Rather's $70 million lawsuit claiming he was fired over a controversial election-year report on former President George W. Bush's Vietnam War-era military service. New York State Supreme Court Justice Ira Gammerman set a December 22 hearing in the case and directed that testimony be taken from witnesses, including Sumner Redstone, the chairman of Viacom Inc, which controlled CBS at the time. "Let's get this case moving," Gammerman said. "I would really like to get this case ready for trial."

[Oh please. Oh PLEASE!! OHPLEASE OHPLEASE OH PUH-LEEEEEEEEEEEEZE!!!!!!]

Unfortunately, they will not be individually held responsible... They probably have it written into their contracts that they are indeminified.

[DEMIN!]

Tell that to Kenny Lay. Or Bernie Maddow. Or lots of others.

[Did Rachel Maddow finally get the operation?]

Great news!

[Get out the champagne!]

Go get 'em Dan-o!

[Break 'em, Dan-o!]

I hope Dan wins big time. Also the truth comes out about bu$h's missing 2 years. . . . I know that and you know that, but the real world is still in denial.

[DUmmieland is the Reality-Based Community®.]

This could be interesting!

[This could be HUGH! Keep telling yourself that, as you wait for the Great Pumpkin to appear.]

Good, now they get started.

["Started"?? Why, Rather has already won the case! The verdict has just been sealed for now.]

Money is not the issue here. . . .

[That's why Dan is only asking for a paltry $70 mil.]

I want to know who set up Rather and Mapes (the producer).

[Karl Rove, of course.]

YAY!

[WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

Excellent. I am SO rooting for Dan Rather in this case.

[Freudenschade, baby!]

Will Rather ever get tired of this lawsuit? Never ending.

[Just hold on another 24 business hours.]

Bizarre post.

[Me like bizarre post! Bizarre post am good!]

Yup, very bizarre. There's a lot of bizarre going around on DU.

[One kewpie doll, on the way!]

The freepers all still think Rather tried to frame Bush with fake docs. . . .

[Fake but accurate. Just ask Mary Tyler Mapes, Girl Journalist.]

Discovery should be AWESOME.

[Did Dan get a job at the Discovery Channel?]

Dan, the man, is on a mission.

[Gunga Dan is on the move!]

I love you, Dan Rather!

[Is that you, Mary Mapes/Dan Rather/benburch?]

I think someone planted the computer generated version.

[A Perfect Rovian Form.]

GO DAN! . . . IT'S ABOUT TIME!

[Pop those champagne corks, people!!!]

As witnessed by Katie Couric's interview with Glenn Beck. Why would CBS lend credence to a raving lunatic?

[Good question. Katie is a bit of a nut, isn't she? Why are they lending her credence?]

Oh, Danny Boy . . .

[The Mapes, the Mapes, are bawling. . . .]

Go go to trial!

[BEEP! BEEP!]

William Rivers Pitt On Obama: "He Blew It"

Remember William Rivers Pitt proclaiming He Parked It about Obama's ObamaCare speech last week? Please toss that down the memory hole. What has inevitably happened with most of Pitt's pompous pronouncements is that he has done a complete 180 as you can see in this THREAD, "Back to the Health Care Drawing Board." The new operative phrase is "He Blew It" and we will get to the full money quote later in this DUFU edition. However, is anyone here really surprised? One of the things that Pitt is most famous for is his perpetual self-contradiction. Want Pitt to change his mind? Then just wait a minute. And usually it is not just a slight change of opinion. It is a complete 180 shift as in this case. This makes one wonder. Does Pitt even keep track of his own writings such as last week's self sure brief proclamation of "He Parked It." And will Will apologize to the DUmmies he flamed last week? So let us now watch the Pied Piper completely shift directions yet again in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, noting that the only thing consistent about Pitt is his utter inconsistency, is in the [barackets]:

Back to the Health Care Drawing Board

[Back to Pitt's "He Parked It" Drawing Board.]

Give some credit to Democratic Sen. Max Baucus of Montana, who unveiled his $774 billion health care reform bill on Wednesday, for being true to his word about wanting to craft a centrist, compromise piece of legislation. That's exactly what he did, and after revealing his bill, that's exactly where Baucus put us: in the middle of the road, right where all the squashed roadkill can be found lying on top of a long, yellow stripe.

[See that squashed roadkill? It is lying in the middle of the road right next to Pitt's credibility.]

It's a nonsense bill, to be blunt, tossed like a hand grenade into a debate already raddled with nonsense as it is. The far right Teabagger brigades want you to believe this reform effort will remake America into a socialist disaster zone where killing grandma is mandatory but insuring undocumented immigrants is only required. Thanks to the unutterably compromised mainstream (read: corporate) media's relentless pursuit of "equal time," each and every one of these shamelessly incorrect and morally bereft accusations have been provided with exactly 100 percent more air time than they deserve. The result has completely polluted the national debate on health care reform.

[The perpetrator of Fitzmas Fraud is lecturing the media on journalistic ethics. Stand by now for a harsh criticism of the one about whom last week's Pitt proclaimed "He Parked It."]

Now comes Baucus and his mixed bag of centrist, half-a-loaf goop, which was brought into being for three sad reasons:

[Try not to drink while reading Reason #1 or risk drenching your computer monitor.]

1) President Obama all but disappeared from the debate over his own health care reform for weeks, which allowed the inmates to take over the asylum. This was a failure on the part of the administration that could have lasting, catastrophic repercussions for the White House

[So much for "He Parked It." No longer operative.]

2) In far too many instances, Democrats in the Senate are made up of what Richard Nixon would have described as "first-rate second-rate men," timorous, still somehow frightened by their GOP cohorts despite the Democrats' dominating majority, and totally unwilling to do anything that might annoy anyone, anywhere, ever, and

[3) ...Too busy laughing at Pitt's complete reversals.]

3) An obsession with making health care reform a bipartisan process, which is the specific genesis of Baucus's bill.

[The Baucus bill is bipartisan. Both Democrats and Republicans hate it but that was the bill being pushed last week by Mr. "He Parked It."]

...No "public option" to balance the playing field and offer real health care alternatives to people who cannot afford insurance under this plan. Not even a "trigger" to activate some form of public option down the line if circumstances warrant. A pile of other important aspects that are critical to creating actual, workable, legitimate health care reform have likewise been excised by Baucus and his yellow-striped legislation proposal.

[The one whom you stabbed in the back predicted that Public Option is DOOMED.]

Why?

[Standby for the money quote!]

Because the president blew it by checking out of the debate he started.

[Pitt just tossed "He Parked It" under the bus.]

Because too many Democrats in the Senate would fold in half if they weren't propped up by aides and staffers due their absolute lack of spine.

[That sounds like Pitt's condition when he leaves Bukowski's: Propped up.]

Because all these Democrats continue to cling to this mind-boggling desire to be bipartisan when it comes to crafting this reform legislation.

[Meanwhile Pitt continues to cling to this mind-boggling desire to be consistent. Pitt continues to go on and on pontificating on a subject about which he is completely ignorant since he once posted a comment that he is completely clueless when it comes to economics. There is also no need to go to the few DUmmie observations since the bulk of the humor has already been provided by Mr. Consistency. Just remember these two Pitt proclamations:]

[Pitt 09-09-09: "He Parked It."
Pitt 09-17-09: "He Blew It."]

And, finally, the Pitt inconsistency theme song, "Self-Recanted Evening" sung to the tune of "Some Enchanted Evening" written by Charles Henrickson:

Self-recanted evening,
When you see the flip-flops,
You may see where Pitt stops
Across the DUmmieland.
And somehow you know,
You know even then,
That sometime you'll see him
Recant once again.

Self-aggrandized weaving,
Bloviating windbag,
Going where the wind blows,
Not knowing where to stand.
He'll write to the left--
That's left to go right--
Will's so busy dancing,
He can't sleep at night.

Who can explain Pitt?
Who can tell you why?
Will gives two versions,
Neither one can fly.

Some fantastic FReeping!
Someone may be laughing,
You may hear the laughing
Among the DUFU fans.
And night after night,
When we go to bed,
That sound is our laughter--
Will Pitt's in our thread!

Once we have DUFUed
Will Pitt's swing and miss,
Then he'll discover
He can't recant this!

Dennis Kucinich Predicts DOOM For Public Option

The DUmmies are in a state of depression. On the heels of the Max Baucus bipartisan Senate bill (bipartisan in that BOTH Democrats and Republicans hate it) a glum Dennis Kucinich is predicting DOOM for any ObamaCare bill containing a public option as you can see in this THREAD, "Kucinich has a diary up at Daily Kos predicting doom for the public option."

A side note here before we proceed further. A certain WILLIAM RIVERS PITT served briefly as the press secretary for Dennis Kucinich in early 2004. Yes, Will finally had a REAL JOB in the world of politics after all these many years of leeching off his trust fund payments. So how did Will show his gratitude? By BETRAYING Kucinich from the first moment he stepped in as press secretary. Pitt had only one goal in mind: to make John Kerry like him by photocopying internal Kucinich campaign documents from the get-go and passing them over to the Kerry camp. Kerry probably didn't even ask Pitt to perform this disservice to Kucinich since the Kookster posed absolutely no threat to his campaign. This was entirely the idea of the Magic Man who was hoping for an official position in the Kerry campaign and possibly in his future presidential administration by lowering himself to the level of a backstabbing betrayer. SEE MUMSY! TAKE A LOOK PAPA! All those years of pouring out those trust funds that went down the drain at Bukowski's and now, at long last, I AM SOMEBODY! Aren't you proud of your little Sonny Boy!

Okay, back to Kucinich and the doomed public option. The stir that Kucinich is causing in DUmmieland over his prediction on no public option is angering many DUmmies precisely because they DON'T like hearing the bitter truth. They know this is what is going down but they just don't like to face that horrible reality. Well, get used to it, DUmmies. NO PUBLIC OPTION!!! Will Pitt isn't the only betrayer. Your own president, the beloved Barack, is also betraying you by pulling the public option rug right from under you. So let us now watch the DUmmies confronted with Dr. Kucinich's prognosis of public option death in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, reminding the Pittster to be sure to include blue martinis, mojitos, and margaritas as part of the liquid refreshment at his upcoming wedding, is in the [barackets]:

Kucinich has a diary up at Daily Kos predicting doom for the public option

[Please no! We can't tolerate hearing the AWFUL truth!]

It's attracting all the naysayers, but pissing off a lot of people in the process (four people troll-rated it): some calling him depressing, others calling it a hit-and-run diary (one of the Daily Kos editors included) and some asking why he isn't trying to change the outcome.

[Yes, we once placed our entire future happiness on the fate of public option and now it is gone, Gone With the Wind. And now the doubly depressed DUmmies weigh in...]

As much as I respect Kucinich speaking truth to power, I hope he's wrong and will help make the outcome (contact my reps) a positive bill that will contain a Public Option.

[Blue Fairy? Please...please, please make public option into a real live bill. Please...Blue Fairy? Please...please...make public option real. Blue Fairy? Please, please make public option real. Please make public option a real bill. Please, Blue Fairy, make public option into a real bill. Please...]

F*ck DK! He is a unhelpful, bitter, fool.

[Stop with the painful truth! It hurts too much to hear it!]

Don't be another dennis..another fail pusher. We Can Do This.

[Talk to the hand of the Blue Fairy.]

don't worry, max's peice of shit bill is going nowhere.

[No but it stalled things long enough for public option to go into free fall.]

Who put single payer off the table?

[Not the Blue Fairy. She will help you. Place all your faith in the Blue Fairy.]

He's a professional doom and gloomer. Just like McGovern, Carter, Mondale, and Dukakis. All losers.

[All Democrats... oh, and you can add Barack to that list.]

Not too impressed with dennis lately.

[Will Pitt will console you with copies of Kucinich internal campaign documents that he stole.]

DK and his Ilk are all about score keeping. I plan on running up the score while I can. It's obvious to me that he is setting the stage to try and run against Obama in 2012. The man is a grandstander who gets nothing accomplished.

[That latter description sure describes a certain patron of Bukowski's.]

The public option has been dead for months.

[Blue Fairy? Please...please, please make public option into a real live bill. Please...Blue Fairy? Please...please...make public option real. Blue Fairy? Please, please make public option real. Please make public option a real bill. Please, Blue Fairy, make public option into a real bill. Please...]

DK is dead to me now.. Which sucks because I used to love the guy. He should probably just call it quits because he's not going to win another election talking this kind of smack.

[The first time DK is right about something (death of public option) and for this you hate him.]

I loved him as recently as last year. He has changed, it's bloody obvious.

[What changed is that he has told you a very bitter truth. And for this you hate him.]

What's his problem..is he thinking he wants to be right?..the first to say "I told you so"? The leader of the Fail PUSHERS? The Head of the Piss and Whine Brigade?

[Blue Fairy? Please...please, please make public option into a real live bill. Please...Blue Fairy? Please...please...make public option real. Blue Fairy? Please, please make public option real. Please make public option a real bill. Please, Blue Fairy, make public option into a real bill. Please...]

There won't be a public option.

[And this DUmmie WINS A Kewpie Doll! Or would you prefer a Blue Fairy?]

It would be one thing if Kucinich was fighting to preserve a public option, but all he's doing is predicting doom. At the very least, he could stick to supporting single-payer instead of pushing the doom meme in his fundraising appeals.

[I'm predicting that you will soon have an appointment with the Blue Fairy.]

Kucinich needs to shit or get off the pot. He knows that single-payer isn't going to pass this year. His grandstanding (which is not his support for single payer, but his inaction to get a public option passed while doing nothing but predicting gloom) serves no friggin purpose.

[Kucinich tried to get off the pot but found it too relaxing.]

Dennis, you should know better. Now put stuff in your diary that people want to see, like naked pictures of your hot wife.

[Will there be Playboy spreads of Dennis' wife and the Blue Fairy?]

He's an attention whore

[DK or WP?]

Personally I think that petitions are worthless. One hundred letters makes more of an impression than one sheet of paper with one hundred names on it. Call, write, or fax your Representative and Senators. Make noise.

[DUAC! DUAC!]

Obama is NOT gonna deliver Health Care to the masses.

[Blue Fairy? Please...please, please make public option into a real live bill. Please...Blue Fairy? Please...please...make public option real. Blue Fairy? Please, please make public option real. Please make public option a real bill. Please, Blue Fairy, make public option into a real bill. Please...]

DUmmies & KOmmies Frustrated By 9/12 DC Time Lapse Video

AIIIIIIEEEEEEE!!!! MY EYES! MY EYES!

Yes, that is the sound of the DUmmies and KOmmies shriveling in pain in the face of the time lapse VIDEO that clearly shows that the 9/12 Tea Party in Washington, D.C. numbered in the HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS at the very least and more likely well over a million. The Daily Mail put the number at two million and the the time lapse video certainly shows it could well have hit that figure. And this is why the DUmmies and KOmmies are acting towards that time lapse video like vampires confronted by a cross. So what to do? What to do? Well, what they do is come up with a plethora of highly laughable conspiracy theories regarding that time lapse video which you can see in this DUmmie THREAD, "ABC News Was Misquoted on (9/12 Protest) Crowd Size," and this KOmmie THREAD, "Is Malkin Selling Phony March Numbers?" So let us now watch the DUmmies and KOmmies engage in time lapse video reality denial in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, noting that the MSM is currently pretending that nothing much happened in D.C. on Saturday, is in the [brackets}:

ABC News Was Misquoted on (9/12 Protest) Crowd Size

[But the Daily Mail which put the crowd size at 2 MILLION was accurately quoted.]

At no time did ABC News, or its affiliates, report a number anywhere near as large. ABCNews.com reported an approximate figure of 60,000 to 70,000 protesters, attributed to the Washington, D.C., fire department.

[One look at the time lapse video tells us that there were easily ten times those numbers at the very least. And now to see the rest of the DUmmies engage in a reality denial routine...]

They are all liars. The truth means nothing to them. They will continue to insist there was a million and a half people there today.

[Don't believe your lyin' eyes of what the time lapse video clearly tells you.]

By calculation crowd extent, and making a few educated guesses on density, I have a number of 20K. 60K would be near impossible (that would require a density of 1 person per every 5 sq ft. and by looking at closeups, there was plenty of room for lawn chairs and blankets and such.)

[Please don't view the time lapse video without incredibly dark lenses that won't allow the light in. The harsh image of reality could blind you on the spot.]

I estimated an upper bound of 30K for yesterday's event. Probably more like 20K or 25K. UNfortunately, I have yet to see a definitive overhead shot when they rallied at the capitol steps, but there was some "overlooking" video, and you can see the trees and other landmarks where the crowd peters out.

[You mean the "overlooking" video where the crowd fills the wide street all the way into the far distance?]

Time lapse video shows the numbers... And they were large.

[AIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!!!! NO! NO! The truth hurts!!! OH MY EYES!!!]

It's kinda hard to count them in the video. It is moving too fast............

[Which makes the estimate even larger. The crowd is moving fast yet they keep filling Pennsylvania Ave. waaaaaaay into the distance.]

Pennsylvania Ave is about 180 ft across (including sidewalks) and 6000 ft long from the point where the pictures were taken (easily confirmed with google maps). If the spacing was on average 4 ft between people, then the length of Pennsylvania avenue holds 67,500. And it is clear that the video shows the crowd moving down the street, filling it, and keeping it filled for some time. Without a time stamp it would be hard to judge, but the crowd was much more than 50-70K - probably 3-4 times that.

[Please stop! I beg you please stop with the truth! It hurts too much. Please, no more truth...]

I don't know what time increment was used for this, or if the increment was changed at the end, but at 0:16, the crowd takes a huge leap, from massing a half block from the closest intersection, to all the way down the street to the Capital.. Scrubbing through it, I would think it would be a more gradual progression than that.

[Let the Time Lapse Video Conspiracy Theories Begin!!!]

It is not clear what the time lapse sequence is, but the video itself seems to be genuine, and a rough estimate shows that the crowd was huge.

[Stop with the truth already!!!]

Can the source of that video be verified? I don't see any time/date stamp, and we've already seen some cases od RWers trying to pass off photos of old events (see elsewhere in this thread) as depicting Saturday's tea-bagger event.

[The source of the video was Lucy Ramirez who posted the video to YouTube from a Kinko's in Amarillo TX.]

Problem with that is, when I got to the site yesterday that the cam does the live feed, the flag was at full staff ... now, it may be later afternoon, but when is a "govt worker" doing work on a Saturday, raising the flag from half-staff to full staff after a march? So the evidence is in question ...

[Posted a DUmmie with his brain at permanent half-staff.]

Time stamp. Does that say 12:56 p.m. PT (Pacific Time)? So that makes it, what, 9:56 a.m. Eastern Time, right?

[Right. According to DUmmie time zone calculations, the East Coast is always 3 hours earlier than the West Coast.]

I was lone progressive with the "Tax The Rich" sign. I received a lot of ridicule and scorned looks. There were definitely not 1.5 million people there. Best I can figure is it was closer to 1 million. However, I tell you this sincerely because I don't want my bretheren to underestimate the growing threat.

[The lone DUmmie there reluctantly admits to 1 million at the DC Tea Party. An inconvenient truth for his comrades.]

I was on the Mall yesterday and at the Inauguration in January. I'd say no less than half a million yesterday. It was a little scary, to be honest. I had no idea emotions were running that deep.

[No LESS than a half million and most likely 3 to 4 times that number. OUCH! The truth hurts! And now to the reality denying KOmmies...]

Is Malkin Selling Phony March Numbers?

[Stand by for yet more Time Lapse Video Conspiracy theories.]

This is the lead photo on Malkin's site, where she claims tha the march numbered two million. It's bein widely reproduced all over the Right-Wing blogosphere. There's a problem, though: the livecam from which this shot was taken shows a flag flying at full mast, not half-mast.

[And a KOmmie revealing a half-mast mind.]

A second problem: this webcam is looking at the traffic on 14th Street. The Teabaggers gathered at Freedom Plaza and marched down Pennsylvania Avenue, not 14th St.

[Was Lucy Ramirez working the camera?]

Where and when was this shot taken? What rally was this? Was this actually the Teabaggers March today? Or is Malkin trying to deceive her followers (it wouldn't be the first time, certainly.)

[The video shot was taken on May 12, 2006, just 24 business hours ago.]

Because if Malkin is cheating, she deserves to get a big "FAIL."

[Yes, Michelle used movie maker software to add in a CGI crowd.]

Perhaps the first photo was taken while the flag was being raised. I don't know. Did the marchers proceed down 14th St? I don't know. While I certainly acknowledge that there were thousands of people there, there is a magnitude of difference between "tens of thousands" and "millions. How many people were there? I don't know.

[Key phrase: "I don't know."]

Can any of the DC Kossacks on the spot answer these questions?

[Translation: "Help me out with my reality denial."]

UPDATE @ - A few Kossacks who were actually around at the time that this screenshot was grabbed state that it is authentic. There is no time/date stamp on it, so it is unknown when it was actually photographed. Malkin herself is using this photo to claim that 2 million people attended today, and that therefore the Tea Party movement is not "fringe." The screenshot is her #1 piece of evidence for her claim.

[SOB! I placed my faith in your bizarre conspiracy theories and now you tell me the screenshot is authentic. But...but that means there must have been HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS of people there, maybe even...MILLIONS!!!]

I believe that Malkin has vastly overestimated the attendance numbers and is using a particularly dense segment of the marching crowd to give the impression of a vastly more populated march. This, to me, still constitutes "cheating with photos," in the sense that you are misinterpreting the photographic visuals in order to persuade the easily deceived. Colin Powell did much the same thing, philosophically, when he presented the satellite photographs of Iraqi "biochemical weapons facilities" to the UN.

[Yeah, a dense segment that kept on going and going and going...all the way into the far far distance.]

As far as the foolishness of a person who asks skeptical questions about facts averred on slim or contradictory evidence, all I can say is I would rather ask those "foolish" questions to similar skeptics than let potential deceptions pass unchallenged. Thank you to all who answered my questions with generosity and good will.

[And thank you for all the great DUFU comedy material. Now on to the other KOmmies...]

Maybe it was the inauguration?

[Yeah, maybe the camera captured the segment of the crowd that dressed incredibly lightly for the sub-freezing temperatures that day.]

The flag was at half staff for Kennedy, he was buried last week, it goes back to full staff TODAY. Quit with this conspiracy nonsense. It makes us look ridiculous.

[Shhhh!!! Don't discourage them. Ridiculous is also FUnnie and we need the DUFU comedy material.]

The webcam grab May be legit.

[Dude, where's my bizarre conspiracy theory?]

This shot looks to me to be approximately 100-feet by a half-mile or so. 250,000 sq. ft., or 6 acres, to slide rule pre-calculation guesstimation. 120,000 to 150,000 people. Right in front of the camera. Then you add the participants who were not in this image.

[Then you are talking well over a million.]

There is no legitimate reason for a Flag to have been at half-staff this morning, and in the vast majority of cases the flage would have been raised shortly after sunrise. It is, however you slice it, highly suspicious for that flag to be flying at half-staff.

[Since the webcam proves the crowd was at least HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS let us go back to square one and claim the half staff conspiracy theories again.]

In the first photo you can see someone at the base of the flag pole... In the second photo the individual is gone.

[A KOmmie trying to wrap his tiny mind around the concept of time LAPSE photography.]

This is going to bite us in the ass!!

[Yup! And present us with some incredible DUFU comedy material.]

They raise the flag at dawn.

[A KOmmie experiences a tremendous revelation.]

Yep, it's half mast in the photo. But it's FULL MAST live. Right now, if you look at the feed. SHE'S LYING!

[CASE CLOSED! Audience rolling in the aisles laughing!]

gotta say, they're a clean bunch. No trash left behind, spotless streets. Of course, that could be the result of UNION streetcleaners too.

[Um, no. That is the result of tea party demonstrators cleaning up after themselves unlike leftwing slobs who leave a mess behind when they get together.]

Let's not jump to conclusions here people. We don't want to get caught making false accusations.

[Go ahead and accuse away. The comedy nuggets provided are priceless.]

Where's that tiny white and red thing I think it looks like a flag that's in the Malkin photo but gone in the live shot.

[Aha! Karl Rove must have stolen that tiny white and red thing.]

I thought this was the reality based community...

[Too bad you are wrong.]

Send this to Keith Olbermann!

[So he can make a fool of himself yet again.]

They managed to get many, many thousands of people there today. What is the matter with you, putting forth these hysterical bogus charges? It makes you look like a crybaby. Stop it.

[Don't stop it. You want to kill the KOmmie KOmedy act?]

But the flag is half-mast...

[Please allow me to indulge in my bizarre conspiracy theory.]

The flag is probably illuminated at night and was being flown at half staff since yesterday. They were probably a little late taking it down (if the order is for 24 hours) or the order contained a noon lowering time. Or something. I'm saying that the picture is real, I know it personally. AND I AM NOT THE ENEMY HERE. I'm trying to make sure we don't make asses of ourselves about this.

[You certainly failed in that attempt.]

Why was the flag at half-mast this morning? Flags were ordered to half-mast for Kennedy on Aug. 30 for 5 days. It's well beyond that.

[Yet another KOmmie making an ass out of himself for our comedic entertainment.]

Maybe it was supposed to be lowered again at noon

[Maybe you're trying to think too much. The strain is causing too much pain.]

Obviously this is not Memorial Day. So either an exception has been made and the flag was flown at half mast for half a day for some strange reason, just today or there is indeed something fishy going on with Malkin's photo.

[Really! I could have sworn it was Memorial Day.]

This morning live shot was a narrow street and I saw it too. This is not the same street.

[DING! DING! DINGBAT! We now have a NEW conspiracy theory!]

There's a guy standing at the pole...... I'll bet he's altering the flag level to invalidate the photo evidence.

[Speaking of poles, do you prefer a butterfly net pole or a pogo stick pole?]

HERE IS THE LIVE CAM SHOT 3:41 A.M. I don't see the 2 Million People, do you?

[You're absolutely right. I don't see 2 million people on the D.C. streets at 3:41 A.M. either. Case closed!]

were people this nuts in the beginning?

[Yup! From the very beginning when KOmmieland first went online.]

Since yesterday was 9/11. wouldn't it have then come down at noon, yesterday? Perhaps someone screwed up and was supposed to take it down yesterday and didn't; I don't know. But either there was a half-mast flag screw up or Malkin's photo was a tad doctored up.

[Since we can't face the brutal reality of what the time lapse video showed, we need to continue presenting laughable conspiracy theories to explain it away.]

I will bet my house that there were nowhere near 2m in dc today.

[Welcome to homelessness. There were more than 2m in just the first block of that MASSIVE crowd stretching waaaaay into the distance on that video you don't believe in because a flag was at half-staff.]

The crowd was there, I watched on this same traffic cam live feed earlier this morning.

[Please! STOP with the reality check!!!]

hey the flag on the first photo is @ half mast.

[That means only a hundred people showed up in DC, right?]

Pennsylvania Ave. is especially wide, because of the Inaugural festivities that use it every four years, even the sidewalks are really wide (with trees, as you can see).

[And since the crowd completely fills it waaaaay into the distance that would mean...OOOPS!]

Note the wind changed direction, too. It happens, of course, but very curious.

[A flag flap conspiracy theory?]