"Chuck Todd: NV not safe for Obama anymore"

I really enjoyed the "Minority Report" flick even though it had a really stupid plot. I mean that idea about using psychic "Pre-Cogs" to figure out where future murders are going to happen was really dumb. Plus how would you like to be a Pre-Cog? Floating around in a swimming pool 24/7 while your fellow Pre-Cogs are fouling the water? However, as stupid as the plot premise was there were all sorts of really cool technical gizmos, such as mechanical spider-like critters that could record stuff while not being noticed. I've read that since that movie came out, the army is using similar mechanical critters to monitor terrorists. However, the coolest thing about "Minority Report" that has become widespread recently, is that giant touch screen. If you saw that movie, you saw how all sorts of images could be moved around and manipulated on the big screen by hand. Well, Minority Report big screens have become a big hit in network newsrooms. The biggest fan of such Minority Report touch screens has to be Chuck Todd of NBC. Chuck's eyes always brighten up when, with a swoop of the hand, he changes a blue state red and enthusiastically moves it onto the Obama side of the screen and then taps another part of the screen to show The One's total electoral votes piling up. He loves doing this so much that I think Minority Report Chuck gets some kind of kinky sexual thrill moving those states around the screen. Minority Report Chuck always seems to use polls favoring Obama and pretty much avoids using polls showing McCain leading in a previously blue state...until now. It's pedal to the metal time and Minority Report Chuck needs to avoid looking like a fool. Before it was safe to sweep red states over to the blue side but these results can be verified as to what happens in just 5 days so Minority Report Chuck has suddenly become much more cautious as you can see in this DUmmie THREAD titled, "Chuck Todd: NV not safe for Obama anymore." So let us now watch the DUmmies get nervous in Bolshevik Red over the fact that Minority Report Chuck isn't so free anymore with sweeping states on the big screen into the Obama camp while the commentary of your humble correspondent, wondering if there is a Pre-Cog union to improve their working conditions, is in the [brackets]:

Chuck Todd: NV not safe for Obama anymore

[Minority Report Chuck's sweep hand just came to a halt with the election just days away.]

He said that at one time it was safe for Obama but all the polls now do not show that anymore...is this right?

[Minority Report Chuck used to look like he was having an Obasm while sweeping red states to the blue side of the screen.]

Chuck Todd is usually pretty good, but he's off-base here. Even CNN has moved Nevada into Obama's category and they tend to be more careful about moving toss-up states. The reality is that early voting turnout has been huge in Nevada and the Democrats are outvoting the Republicans 53% to 30% in this state.

[Minority Report Chuck is only "off-base" because he is facing a reality check in a few days.]

Polls were tied there for a long time, Obama pulled ahead in the last weeks. But just because not every has him up by double-digits, does not mean McCain is winning there...

[Keep that happy thought in your mind, DUmmie. It will make it so much easier that way.]

Too bad we don't keep track of what "pundits" say and get a true picture of them.

[The polls and pundits all predicted Obama would have big wins against Hillary in the New Hampshire and California primaries. Does that make you feel better?]

Josh Marshall at TPM said yesterday that Obama is still ahead in Nevada.

[Oh, if Josh Marshall said it then it MUST be true.]

I was shocked to hear Chuck Todd say this because I was just over at RCP and NV looks for Obama...I was wondering if there was some new poll that came out that I did not know about and was not yet posted over at RCP.

[There will be a new poll coming out on the evening of election day. Hee! Hee!]

I still remember a recent Senate election here in Colorado where Ted Strickland was polling five points ahead of Wayne Allard with three days to go - and Allard ended up winning.

[But...but how could that have happened? It is a scientific fact that polls are absolutely accurate.]

John King was on CNN last night saying that even the McCain staffers will tell them that they think Nevada is slipping away for them....oh well, it's McCain who really NEEDS Nevada anyway.

[John King? Well, there's an absolutely reliable source. But what the hell was King thinking when he hooked up with Dana Bash? That certainly does call his judgment into question. Time for you to take a nice dip into the highly urinated Pre-Cog pool.]

DUmmie Fights With Patient Over Obama

Sheesh! Talk about being unprofessional! DUmmie PCIntern, who works at some sort of health clinic, got into a fight with a patient because she dared to call Obama what he is...a socialist. So what does DUmmie PCIntern do? He got right into her face by snapping angrily at her as you can see in his THREAD titled, "Got into a 'fight' with a patient today...." So let us now watch DUmmie PCIntern act completely unprofessional in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, thinking that DUmmie needs a deep whiff off a chloroform rag, is in the [barackets]:

Got into a 'fight' with a patient today....

[May I send you a pink slip?]

My blood pressure is getting out of control with the election, the Series here in Philly and the insanity which has accompanied both, the economic trials of attempting to run an ethical health-care business and to stay alive.

[Screaming at patients is ethical?]

I had just fielded about six phone calls from distraught people and I walked into the room to check a patient who had just had her dental prophylaxis. She is actually quite friendly, but right from the get-go she said to me, and this is a quote, "We're finished as a country if Obama's elected." My reply to these sorts of statements from patients has been, "Why do you say that?" with a smile of course. She replied, "Because he's a socialist and wants to spread the wealth around."

[Obama did claim he wants to "redistribute the wealth" so that makes him a socialist as the patient correctly stated.]

Unbelievably, I went right into attack-mode WHICH I NEVER DO - and I said, "Please listen to me...please just stop and listen to me. Please. This morning no one less than andrea Mitchell, married to Alan Greenspan and certainly no friend to socialists of any stripe, told your fellow-traveler Joe Scarborough that this quotation was taken out of context and that he was describing arcane points of law. Obama's a centrist Democrat, for crying out loud, he doesn't even believe in Gay Marriage. What does it take to get through to people like you. Look, I know you're going to vote for McCain and that's fine, but do it for reasons which you and everyone else with a brain, feel are legitimate. And what's more, i know you well, and you would NEVER EVER vote for the black guy."

[DUmmie PCIntern accusing his patient of being a racist.]

She had no denial of the last point, and for the rest, she just dismissed it with a wave of her hand, and said, "Please just check my teeth, I have to get to lunch." I did so, stood my ground - did not apologize for my 'outburst' and she left with a smile and a good goodbye.

[The patient remained friendly despite you acting like a complete jerk by accusing her of being a racist.]

I never ever do this...this is really the first time...and what bothered me is that when I started the rant, my voice got pitched and I could almost feel myself crying with frustration that a well-educated, well-comported lady would just repeat this kind of talking point with me and then dismiss me with a wave of her hand as though I was insignificant. After 27 years. and you know what...I'm glad I did it in this case. she'll be back or she won't - probably will, I participate in her insurance plan. and that's what counts.

[Sniff! A DUmmie got dismissed with a wave of the hand for being insignificant which is what he is.]

This election is going to sort many things out.

[Including your sanity. Now on to the other DUmmies...]

That's not an outburst. That's just tellin' it like it is. If she doesn't like it she can stop being a bigot.

[She was only a bigot in the fervid imagination of DUmmie PCIntern.]

she isn't well educated.she has a big fat hole in her soul and that makes her deficient.

[Stated a member of the DUmmie Thought Police.]

That's not what I expect from a professional whether physician, dentist, barber, bartender, etc.

[LOUSY FREEPER TROLL!!!]

Practicing for 30+ years and I need lessons from you? I thought we purged all the trolls.

[Responded DUmmie PCIntern angrily.]

A successful professional learns to listen but not react to things a patient might say and in particular professionals never get confrontational with a patient about such things as politics, sports, religion, et al.

[Ouch!]

Yeah let's just roll over and ignore the racism and bigotry. In fact, let's apologize if we don't agree vehemently enough with the racist comments! By golly, if a patient walks into a doctor's office and starts ranting and raving bigoted lies, well that doctor is unprofessional if he doesn't agree 100%!! 'cause that's what it's all about, folks! Agreeing with racists. Tolerating bigotry. Letting the lies go unchallenged. Anything else would be uncivilized.

[Too bad this patient's "racism" was all in the imagination of DUmmie PCIntern.]

Way to go, lose your temper with a patient, post it on an open forum, then lose your temper again when a stranger suggests you may have been unprofessional. Your response proves my point and indeed the case is closed.

[Ouch again.]

EIGHT YEARS of these conservatives cramming their ideas down everyone else's throats....talking about politics in inappropriate places without a care in the world about who hears them...thinking they can run roughshod over people who disagree with them, and not returning the courtesy of letting someone else speak their piece. I'm sick of it. Our time for talking is long overdue. I don't care if they don't want to hear it. They didn't care when I didn't want to hear them. And I think you handled it gracefully. She started it. She just didn't expect you to finish it.

[Tomorrow the world is mine!]

A woman in my office confessed that she could never vote for Obama because he is a Muslim, and once a Muslim, always a Muslim. I told her I had had enough of lies, that A) there is no crime being a Muslim and B) he is not a Muslim any how. I then reminded her that false witness was a breech of the Ten Commandments. I told her that she was welcome to find another doctor. The next day, there was a complaint to hospital administration about that mean old doctor from her employer-the sheriff of Collin County Texas. (reddest of the red, in case you haven't heard). The next day was I was paying for my tires when the attendant at the Goodyear Tire store pulled his knife out and stuck it to my throat because "anyone who votes for Obama should be shot and killed". It's great to be a Texan during election season.

Forgive me if I don't believe the knife story. If true, why isn't that guy in jail?

[And this DUmmie WINS a Kewpie Doll for having a brief moment of mental clarity!]

Thank you for calling me a liar. I was there. It happened. It was my neck. I have bought tires from that store for seven years, and know that the young man is a good enough fellow. He is a Desert Storm veteran, and I have known him a long time. He thought he was being funny-he said that he would use a hatchet and then a knife just like Mr. McCain said. Emotions are raw here-they know that McCain is doomed to failure, and they know that both houses will be in strong Democratic control. So, yeah-I cut the guy some slack. I thought about writing Goodyear, and I thought about calling the cops-but to what avail? Changing hearts and minds is done by mature, peaceable means-not by confrontation and posturing. I choose to be grown-up. Kind of like Obama. But-I still don't like you calling me a liar. Come to North Texas for a while-see what we put up with.

[Still lying, I see.]

I'm a veterinarian and I've been wearing my Obama-Biden button on my white lab coat. I don't say anything about politics unless the client brings it up. If they bring it up and I've concluded my exam and treatment of my patient, I don't hesitate to discuss politics. I brought a RW conservative over to voting for Obama just yesterday after he started with "Don't you think he's a terrorist who's going to redistribute wealth?" Made my day.

[Yet another phony "conversion" story. Nobody is ever going to be convinced by a DUmmie.]

"Counting Our Chickens": Pitt Plays the Race Card

As we've been chronicling, our DUmmie Ants are growing increasingly antsy over the possibility of losing what should be an easy win for them. Thus they are preparing their excuses "just in case"--primarily "election fraud" and "racism." Pied Piper Pitt is warming up the "racism" excuse, as seen in this THREAD, "Counting Our Chickens."

Yes, it's the old Pied Piper Pitt essay we've haven't seen in a while: pedantic, prolix, ponderous, pregnant with profound insight into American history (as in Pitt's laughably classic "Third American Empire"). For today's drinking game, the magic word is "The Great Migration."

Oh, BTW, video has surfaced of MOTHER Pitt, DUmmie Raven, aka Jane Pitt of New Hampshire's "Swing the Vote." Of course, Wee Willie is more interested in "Swig the Vodka."

So break out the deck at Bukowski's, boys, Bottomless Pitt is playing the race card! The frettings of the Pied Piper and the DUmmie Ants are in Bolshevik Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, wondering why it's not age-ist or sexist to vote against McCain/Palin, is in the [brackets]:

Counting Our Chickens

[Obama's chickens . . . are comin' home to roost! And the DUmmies are getting nervous.]

For Barack Obama, the news of late could hardly be better. The newest Pew Research poll, released two weeks before the November 4th presidential election. . . .

[Uh, you're a little behind the times, Willie. The last couple days, the polls are getting MUCH tighter.]

McCain began this final month of campaigning with $47 million in the bank, according to the Associated Press, while Obama began the month with a staggering $134 million.

[$oro$? Foreign contributions? So much for Obama's pledge to rely on public financing. And, BTW, Pitt, you're hardly the one to talk about "staggering."]

In short, there is virtually no good news for the McCain campaign to be found at this late stage of the race. . . . For Barack Obama, the news of late could hardly be better.

[To quote benburch, I sense a "but" coming on. . . .]

But.

[I like a big "But."]

nothing whatsoever about this race is settled or assured.

[Translation: Prognosticator Pitt is afraid of making a prediction, lest he turn out to be wrong. So now he will cover his . . . bases.]

Poll numbers may say otherwise, but people are people. . . .

[Especially typical white people.]

and History is one hell of a harsh mistress. . . .

[Bukowski's floor is one hell of a hard mattress.]

especially on matters of race.

[Pitt whips out the race card!]

Make no mistake about it: the cultural prevalence and resilience of racial animosity among White voters toward Black Americans will be one of the great fulcrums upon which this election will pivot. . . .

[So if the Black vote goes 90+% for Obama, will that show "the cultural prevalence and resilience of racial animosity" among BLACK voters toward WHITE Americans? William, I predict Obama will get a bigger share of the White vote than McCain will of the Black vote. Care to wager?]

there is no way to be sure which way it will go in the end.

[Translation: I don't know WHAT the heck will happen! But if it goes bad, let's blame it on racism.]

The hip political term for this racially-motivated skewing of seemingly reliable numbers is "The Bradley Effect."

[The term for Pitt's essays is "The Badly Inept."]

No models are applicable this time. . . .

[Pitt was hoping some models would apply.]

none work, none matter.

[DUmmieland in a nutshell.]

Attempting in any way to quantify the roots and present-day power of racial tension in America, especially in a national election year, involves plumbing . . .

[Will the Plumber.]

a grim, conflicting and confounding compendium of historic influences and events. . . .

[Here comes Pedagogue Pitt's history lesson. . . .]

There are a thousand places one could start, and very few sure answers to be found anywhere. Thus, we are left only with segments of available arguments, angles we can manage, and stories that explain a segment of the facts.

[Note these two long and ultimately meaningless sentences. This is what is called "filler."]

One such could be the cultural transformation known as "The Great Migration."

[Drink!]

In the first quarter of the 20th century, approximately seven million Blacks journeyed from the Jim Crow South and relocated within several Northern cities in search of better jobs, better educations and what they hoped would be better lives.

[And, to cut a long history lesson short, this is why Whites hate Blacks--"a jarring explosion of racial hostility among Whites that resonates powerfully to this day"--and why Obama might lose. Could lose. Maybe. If he does, that would be the reason.]

The seething hatred among Whites in these cities inspired by the labor upheaval after The Great Migration . . .

[Drink!]

part of America's cultural DNA . . .

[Pitt of America's virtual DNC. . . .]

passed down with mother's milk. . . .

[Passed out with Bukowski's beer. . . .]

Explicating the reality of Northern racism by using "The Great Migration". . . .

[Drink!]

as the sole rationale is an insulting, short-sighted and ultimately fruitless process. . . .

[But I'll do it anyway.]

but some part of the whole truth is found there, and may perhaps come to explain why millions of White votes . . . could, may or will swing this election.

["Some part," "may perhaps," "could, may or will". . . . IOW, I don't know what the hell I'm talking about!]

"The Great Migration". . . .

[Oy, stop, Will! You're giving me "The Great Migraine"!]

Food for thought.

[Beers for fears.]

anyone who thinks the Democratic candidate has this one in the bag needs to have their head examined. . . .

[They examined Pitt's head and found nothing. Now on to the other DUmmies. . . .]

To hell with fear and anxiety.

[Let's go with overconfidence and Freudenschade!]

I certainly haven't seen any complacency. I don't know where this nonsense is coming from, but for anyone working on this campaign who is older than, say, 16 years of age, we all remember the 2000 and 2004 debacles. Stuff like this has passed from legitimate concern to kind of insulting, in my opinion.

[Will has a knack for insulting his readers, doesn't he? That pedantic, know-it-all tone. . . .]

I'm working with a good will and a light heart. . . .

[Will's working with a good buzz and a light beer.]

But there are some even here at DU who feel it necessary to piss all over our efforts once again.

[That's what happens with too much beer.]

I gotta tell ya how much I appreciate the doom and the gloom.

[Will's forte.]

Seconded. It is insulting to suggest we're slacking off. . . .

[Hee! Hee! The Pied Piper is pissing off his supposed sycophants.]

Of course, I'm making the assumption that the voting machines aren't hacked or rigged.

[Ah, there's the other built-in excuse! "Election fraud"!]

After work, once I get in line, they can not turn me away. The only way I will not get to vote is if I'm dead.

[Hey, being dead doesn't stop Democrats from voting!]

In a fair fight, this election was over a couple of months ago, but this is no fair fight.

[DARN those Republicans for actually campaigning and trying to get their message across!]

voting machines scare me more than any fear that Obama's race will be a significant inhibitor.

[Look, EITHER excuse will work if Obama ends up losing. Of course, what definitely could NOT be the reason is that Americans simply do not want to elect an inexperienced, narcissistic socialist who wants to "spread the wealth around" and whose closest mentors for decades have been anti-American, hatemongering Marxists.]

I was forced to listen to Fox News all afternoon today . . . and in particular to two elderly 'values voters' - the country's going to the gays, and they dislike her (Michelle) even more than him. I may excuse them in the abstract, but when I actually hear it I want to strangle them.

[Kill those b*st*rds who have traditional values! And now finally for a random bit of news from Will. . . .]

The new place I moved into last month is practically made of windows. . . .

[People who live in glass houses should not throw up, stoned.]

"My Coming November Crackup"

The Dems are getting nervous. The polls are tightening, knuckles are whitening, and the prospects are frightening! Witness this HUffPo THREAD by Sherman Yellen, "My Coming November Crackup." In spite of some polls giving Obama a sizeable lead, this old HUffie fears Rovian Republican chicanery come Election Day. Hee! Hee! So before we get to his thread, let's reinforce Sherman's fears with a song. Click and sing along!

CRY (If you see polls)
By Johnnie Ray-of-Sunshine
Tune: "Cry" (If your sweetheart) Original

If you see polls that turn out to be too high
It's just Diebold, you'll feel better if you cry
When voting on a touchscreen
Don't you sometimes think it's real
But it's only fall elections that they steal

If the FReepers seem to hang around and gloat
And the red states keep getting redder with each vote
November storm clouds can be found
Behind the sunny skies
So get your hopes down and go on and cry

If the FReepers seem to hang around and gloat
And the red states keep getting redder with each vote
Well now, November storm clouds can be found
Behind a sunny sky
So get your hopes down and go on and cry

So now let's watch Sherman Yellen gird his loins for "My Coming November Crackup," in Bolshevik Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, still recovering from "My Cubs' October Crackup," is in the [brackets]:

My Coming November Crackup

[I have a feeling WE'RE going to crack up reading about it! Start, Yellen!]

I just spoke to my old college friend Roger.

[Emphasis on "old."]

We are older men with reasonably good nervous systems . . . yet this election has been a new high in personal fear and trembling.

[Old Yellen!
Calm down, Yellen!
Stressed, downright down and depressed. . . .]

Our cracks are beginning to show. . . .

[Joe the Plumber Disease.]

And damn it, we have become more and more fearful and superstitious. . . .

[If your cracks begin to show, be careful not to step on them.]

We both confessed to waking up real early and heading towards . . .

[. . . the bathroom. Sherman's March to the WC. Gird up your loins, Sherm!]

. . . our laptops to check on the latest results in the presidential polls before feeding the cat or making the morning coffee. . . .

[A beeline to get online before feline or caffeine-mainline.]

A ten point lead? Nothing! What's that to these Republicans, trained from birth to swallow ten points for breakfast with their orange juice and Metamucil?

[Breakfast without election fraud is like a day without sunshine!]

Do we exaggerate their power to find and kill Osama, rig the voting machines, and smear, smear, smear Barack Obama into a narrow defeat all in the course of a single day before the election? Not a bit.

[Rove, Rove, Rove your vote
When you're on the screen
Narrowly, narrowly, narrowly, narrowly
Swipe it by machine!]

We wonder why that power to destroy cannot be put in the service of building the country and working towards economic and social justice.

[If only they'd use their power for good!]

Thank you very much Tina Fey, but darling that you are, you are preaching to the converted. The real Sarah Palin doesn't get it -- nor do her rabid followers. And we fear that they see the White House in the sights of their rifles.

[We can see Rushbo from our House!]

We need a twenty point Obama lead tomorrow for us nervous guys to sleep easy.

[Does Medicare cover Ambien?]

Having seen the devious ways the Republicans operate, we find it impossible to believe that they will not once again pull some Rovian trick. . . .

[Some PERFECT Rovian Trick!]

Our mutual friend and fellow classmate Bob, a fine landscape and city scene painter, just died of melanoma in Maine. Among his last acts was sending in an absentee ballot for Obama. . . .

[Hey, as a Democrat, he may get to vote AGAIN!]

No, forget the crackup, I won't go to France or to pieces if McCain/Palin is elected. I will go . . .

[. . . feed my cat, who's probably starving by now. . . . OK, Shermy, now let's hear from your fellow HUffies . . .]

My brother told me that he actually might move to France if Obama loses.

[Is that you, Stephen Baldwin?]

We old farts just aren't as resilient as we once were.

[Back in the Farter Administration.]

The forces of light are staging a comeback.

[Obamassiah as Light-Worker.]

I clean the health food store out of their anti stress supplements. . . .

[Try the bong shop.]

I will be weeping on November 5. . . .

[Democrat Voting Day, AKA Guy Faux Election Day.]

I'm visualizing myself dressed in red white and blue on that day though, to celebrate Obama's win! I will be laughing crying. . . .

[Freudenschade, baby!]

It must be that 60's idealism. Its like a virus: just flares up once in awhile. . . .

[I think it's the herpes.]

If Obama loses this election, it will be because of massive fraud. Therefore, the country will be up in arms and heading for Washington.

[The Million Moonbat March! Sherman's March to DC!]

I wouldn't want to be riding around with a McCain Palin sticker on my car after Nov 5th if this fraud occurs, I wouldn't be safe.

[Days of Rage! Is that you, Bill Ayers?]

I will no longer accept stolen elections. LOCKED AND LOADED!

[Just go with the "loaded."]

This almost-senior woman is nervous, too. . . . I voted early. I spent about 7 minutes on the oval next to Obama-Biden to be absolutely sure that I had filled it in completely and stayed within the lines. Before I did that, I read the instructions 4 times, checked three times to be sure the ball point pen was a black ink pen, and lined the table with paper so as not to get last night's dinner on the ballot. When I was done with the ballot, I checked it three times. I hand carried it to the county clerk's where 3 officials were handling early voting, turned it in, hung around to see where the clerk put it, and then paced around a little bit in the lobby before deciding it was probably okay to leave my ballot in their hands.

[OCD much? You still probably ended up voting for Buchanan.]

At least I know my vote will be counted. Well, I am pretty sure. . .

[Heh heh heh. . . .]

I'm leaning Italian in a hurry.

[Ciao! Arrividerci!]

I share your fear of what the dark Rovian forces might be willing to do. . . .

[Fear the Rove.]

The corporate media has found a cash cow by framing this election as a "horse race". . . .

[Congratulations! You win the Mixed Metaphor of the Day Award!]

Let's just hope that we - as Americans, don't rest on our laurel and . . .

[Hardy.]

Hurry Nov. 4th, so that we can return to our regular routines!

[Our regular routine of doing what we're doing now: Whining on the Internet.]

This is why everybody should vote. The turnout should be 100%. . . .

[130% in some precincts.]

until the election is called Nov. 4th, I will be white knuckling it.

[Typical white knucklehead.]

I can't vote but I can say to all my fellow bloggers, I am chuffed by your passion. . . .

["Chuffed" gives you away. And so DUFU News is now projecting that Barack Obama will CARRY Great Britain!]

I too, cannot function normally anymore. . . . I really am not well.

[Situation Normal: All Functioned Up.]

"Ayers," to the tune of "Hair"

Hot off the press, from yours truly, Charles Henrickson, the wag tailoring the doggerel. Click the music link and sing along!

AYERS
Tune: "Hair"

(Don't ask this guy)
When I knew Ayers or why
I'm beggin' noon and (nighty, night, night):
Keep Ayers out of sight!

I met him long ago
But don't ask me why
('Cause he don't know)
It's not for lack of years
Sharin' our careers
(Dreamin')

Was I in bed with Ayers
Bill "Radical" Ayers
Burnin', hatin'
Bombin' his own nation

Get me out of where (Ayers)
Served as my old mentor (Ayers)
Near Barry Obama
Anywhere that he could be

Ayers (Ayers, Ayers Ayers, Ayers, Ayers)
Throw him, stow him
Long as I don't know him
Bill Ayers

I passed him by on the street
Never more did we meet
Never once have I greeted Bill Ayers

Apart from those years
Advisin' my eager ears
The time he took
To write my book
Or the party
For the Senate
At the household of Bill

Ayers (Ayers, Ayers Ayers, Ayers, Ayers)
Throw him, stow him
Long as I don't know him
Bill Ayers

That guy who's long-time
Days-of-Ragin'
Flaggy-raggy
Commie, bomby
Risky like Alinsky
Burnin', hatin'
Bombin' his own nation
Dohrny and ACORNy
Marxist and anarchist
Chavez-aidin'
And abettin'
Hostin', ghostin'
Boastin', not regrettin'

Oh say, can you see
Any photos of me
That Bill Ayers is in

Not his house
Not his stairs
Not his spouse
Not his chairs
The ones by his couch
(No, never has he been there
And to that we can vouch)

Oh, was I in bed with Ayers
Bill "Radical" Ayers
Burnin', hatin'
Bombin' his own nation

Now won't you get me out of where (Ayers)
Served as my old mentor (Ayers)
Near Barry Obama
Anywhere that he could be

Ayers (Ayers, Ayers Ayers, Ayers, Ayers)
Throw him, stow him
Long as I don't know him
Bill

Ayers (Ayers, Ayers Ayers, Ayers, Ayers)
Throw him, stow him
Long as I don't know him
Bill

Ayers (Ayers, Ayers Ayers, Ayers, Ayers)
Ayers (Ayers, Ayers Ayers, Ayers, Ayers) . . .

DUmmies Nervous About Pennsylvania

The DUmmies are biting their fingers over Pennsylvania as you can see in this THREAD titled, "Pennsylvania's voting machines are almost ENTIRELY electronic, without any paper trail." Yeah, they should be worried. Not only are their Diebold machines preset to the "R" position but the EVIL Republicans have certain factors now at work for them in Pennsylvania that they didn't have in 2004 when they lost that state. I won't say exactly what those changed factors are until AFTER the election except to say: Thanx Hillary! Thanx Fast Eddie! Oh, and Jack Murtha calling western PA voters a bunch of racists sure won't help them there. Of course, he did amend that to merely calling them a bunch of rednecks. So let us watch the DUmmies bite their fingernails in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, getting ready to cast his own Florida ballot later today on a preset electronic machine, is in the [brackets]:

Pennsylvania's voting machines are almost ENTIRELY electronic, without any paper trail.

[That way we can cover our trail. Hee! Hee!]

Given the spotlight and speculation about PA, it is important to remember that the state almost entirely votes on electronic voting machines that have no paper record whatsoever (including in Democratic strongholds such as Philadelphia).

[Which part of PA doesn't use electronic voting machines so we can rush some preset Diebolds in there?]

As Brad on Bradblog.com states, elections in PA therefore become entirely faith-based. There is no evidence whatsoever that any votes were cast at all for most of PA. There is plenty of evidence that it is relatively easy for machines to be hacked to silently flip approximately every 25th or every 50th vote only during election hours, which would be hard (if not impossible) to detect.

[Lining up your excuses already?]

So what happens if pre-election polling puts Obama ahead by 8%, exit polls have him ahead by 6%, and yet McCain wins by 1%?

[And we all know just how scientific exit polls are. Just ask President Kerry.]

The exit polls were off over 6% in the primary (and they were also off in the 2004 presidential election by a similar amount). Exit pollsters will simply chalk it up to older voters not wanting to be interviewed by younger pollsters, non-response bias due to a Bradley affect, and various other excuses

[Excuses, excuses. Get them all lined up in advance.]

But let's say that excuse doesn't fly (or that Obama wins by double digits in all polls yet still loses). Let's say Obama's massive legal team takes the election to court. Let's even say the court can be persuaded that fraud occured (possibly enough to swing the election). It would be very unlikely that a court could be convinced of this, but let's say for the sake of argument that they are convinced.

[They might be convinced but only those judges wearing Guy Fawkes costumes.]

What could possibly be done? Even if the court found evidence of fraud, what could possibly be done to correct the outcome? There wouldn't be any way to recount or audit any of the votes. The only possible way the election could be resolved would be to have another election.

[Known in golfing circles as a Mulligan.]

This would be unprecedented. But even if the court would agree to such a massive remedy (which again is very unlikely), how would that work? Would the election be on the same voting equipment? Or would they switch to paper ballots (a process which has taken many other states months or years to implement)? How would people know to come out and vote again? Would turnout even approximate the turnout on election day?

[Would the moon rise in Uranus? Would that make you happy?]

The one thing that bodes well for Democrats is that there is a Democratic secretary of state (which might prevent some fraud). But my whole point is that even if we don't have a Blackwell or a Harris in charge of elections, what could possibly be done if the results on election day diverge so much from all reasonable polling?

[How about marking your ballots on the back of pizza cartons?]

Finally, some would say that we don't actually need PA, and that we have many other paths to victory. This is a very dubious proposition. Even if we win Colorado, Virginia, Iowa, and New Mexico (plus all the Kerry states), losing PA would cost us the election. We would need to win those 4, as well as Florida, Ohio, North Carolina, or Nevada. This is possible, but it certainly isn't guaranteed (especially given that the national polls are expected to tighten somewhat, which will slightly lower Obama's margins in most swing states).

[Are your fingernails bitten down to the nub yet?]

We need to win PA by a margin that is impossible to steal (if such a margin exists). That is why it is a good thing for Obama's campaign to spend large amounts of money and time. A 5 or 6 point victory may not cut it (and even that would be double Kerry's margin of victory).

[Don't worry. Hillary and Fast Eddie have taken care of everything. Hee! Hee! And now on to the other nervous DUmmies...]

THAT IS WHY McAINT BELIEVES HE CAN FLIP PA!! Looks like all the pieces are falling into place for the Repiggies to steal it again. CRAP!

[Would it help if I apply a wet rag of chloroform to your face so you can wake up on the other side of the election? It will be much less painful that way.]

Everyone should recommend this thread!

[I'll be sure to forward it to Hillary and Fast Eddie. Hee! Hee!]

You really think Rendell is going to allow that to happen?

[Hee! Hee!]

So, should PAans photograph their ballot screens?

[And don't forget to dust them down for suspicious fingerprints.]

We should have the f*cking UN or Canada run our elections...

[How about Hugo Chavez or, better yet, Jimmy Carter.]

Just f*cking crazy. I don't know why intelligent people can't figure out how to vote and have evidence of their f*cking vote. Just f*cking nuts!

[SaveOn has a big sale on Guy Fawkes costumes.]

They should really have a print option. Or like "send to email address" for records. It's so ridiculous. When you book a flight or buy shit online, they always send you a confirmation email.

["This is confirmation that you voted for McCain/Palin. Thank you and enjoy your pizza."]

If we win by a huge margin, it becomes harder to steal.

[Not really. The vote flips are all automatic.]

At least PA's governor is a Democrat

[And a secret PUMA. Hee! Hee!]

Which is why I'm REALLY glad that Fast Eddie is our governor and Pedro Cortes is our SoS

[I'm REALLY glad that Fast Eddie is your governor too. Hee! Hee!]

If the election is stolen in PA, our party leaders will share at least a small part of the blame - they have had SIX YEARS to fix this problem, and have apparently sat on their hands. We can only hope that more has been done behind the scenes than they have let on!

[Oh, I assure you things have been done behind the scenes. Now would you like a nice hit from the chloroform rag?]

People tried and tried and tried to get Democrats in Congress interested in election reform, but hardly anyone gave a shit. So here we are, all these years later, with faith-based voting in far too many places.

["Faith-based voting." I like that term. May I borrow it? I promise to repay you with a nice hit from the chloroform rag.]

let's not forget one thing... Rendell is still the governor

[Close your eyes, lean back, and take a nice big whiff from the chloroform rag.]

"Joe the Plumber is a plant"

Get this. Years ago, Joe the Plumber bought a home in a Toledo suburb with secret instructions from Karl Rove. He was to be a sleeper agent who was to remain silent until the day Barack Obama cruised into his neighborhood. Then Joe the Plumber was to fool Obama into declaring that we must spread the wealth around. That is the basic premise of this DUmmie THREAD titled, "Joe the Plumber is a plant." So put on your tinfoil hats and watch the DUmmies spin bizarre Joe the Plumber conspiracy theories in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, wondering if Karl Rove caused his van's water pump to break down one very depressing day just outside of Toledo, is in the [brackets]:

Joe the Plumber is a plant

[A plant is growing inside your empty skull.]

Related to Charles Keating. Not licensed as a plumber in Ohio nor is he registered to vote in Ohio. All indications say "yes".

[Not registered to vote? Wrong. Back to square one.]

When did he move there? Any records?

[10 minutes before Barack showed up.]

latest in a series of stunts from McFailed

[Obama telegraphs the GOP about where he plans to make surprise appearances.]

No, he would have had to know Obama would be there to be a plant...and no one knew Obama was going there. He just thought he'd be a big shot and trap Obama. Now he will be dissected by the media. That'll teach him to keep his stupid yap shut.

[Never dare to question The One.]

I bet there are moles in the Obama campaign, don't be surprised by the power of the FAUX

[The spies are EVERYWHERE!!!]

How did he end up getting the opportunity to talk with Obama --
how did that come about? That would tell us if he really was a plant or not.

[How did he end up talking to Obama? By living on that block.]

Last Wednesday we had a "walk the neighborhood" with our local Dem cong candidate we had 20 door knockers go ahead and do a brief preliminary session to weed out any trouble makers. It went very smoothly and the Obama campaign would have benefited from that.

[Weed out anyone who dares question the fallibility of The One.]

considering he may be related to Keating, and has a relative in Wasilla, I'd say it's plausible.

[Does he have a second cousin named Karl?]

do the repubs have sleepers on every street in Ohio?

[But of course.]

DUmmies and KOmmies Slam Joe the Plumber

As soon as I heard the name "Joe the Plumber" invoked at last night's debate, I just KNEW the DUmmies and KOmmies would be sure to slam him by attempting to dig up dirt. I was not disappointed when I checked those sites this morning. First we see the slams in DUmmieland at this THREAD tenderly titled, "Hey, Joe 'The Dumbass' Plumber. Listen up!" Yeah, Joe, you need to be hectored by a bunch of socialist DUmmies to tell you how the world works from deep within their mommy's basement. The KOmmie THREAD has the completely (as we shall see) incorrect title of "'Joe the Plumber'" Not a Registered Voter." It turns out they were wrong but you will see how they were put in their sheepish place further along in this DUFU edition. So let us now watch the DUmmies and KOmmies vent their rage against Joe the Plumber in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, noting that Joe has now become the world's most famous plumber, is in the [brackets]:

Hey, Joe "The Dumbass" Plumber. Listen up!

[Listen up! We KOmmie DUmmies know what's best for you so you just shut up!]

Barack Obama already explained this to you, but obviously your skull is too thick to understand. So, let me try one more time, moron.

[Joe the Plumber is just not enlightened enough to understand the fine points of Marxism.]

First of all, because of Bush/McCain economic policies, the credit market is frozen, which means that your dream of buying the plumbing business you work for was just flushed down the toilet. You will most likely need credit to buy that business, but who is going to loan any money to you?

[And of course, Barney Frank and his Fannie Mae crew such as Franklin Raines had absolutely noting to do with the collapse of the credit market.]

But, if you are fortunate enough to buy the business, and not need a line of credit to make payroll for your employees---here's how you are helped (not hurt) by Barack Obama.

[Listen up to our lecture on what is best for you.]

1. Obama wants to give you a 50% tax CREDIT, dumbass, along with another $3000 incentive for every new plumber you hire.

[Great way to win Joe the Plumber over by calling him "dumbass."]

2. On the first $250,000 you earn, your income tax goes up ZERO, NADA, ZILCH. Not one more thin dime.

[You promise like Bill Clinton promised those middle class tax cuts.]

3. For every $1000 OVER $250,000 Obama will ask you to pay an extra $30 dollars in taxes. Not $30 time $250,000---just $30 for the $1000 OVER THE FIRST $250,000. That means if your income is $251,0000, you are asked for $30. THIRTY FREAKING DOLLARS FOR $1000. AND YOU ARE TOO DAMNED TIGHT TO PAY THAT?????

[I love the smell of DUmmie rage in the morning!]

So, if you make $300,000 ($50,000 above the first $250,000) Obama is going to ask for $1500. FIFTEEN HUNDRED for FIFTY THOUSAND. AND YOU STILL GET THE 50% TAX CREDIT FOR SMALL BUSINESSES AND THE $3000 FOR EVERY NEW PLUMBER YOU HIRE, DUMBASS. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU COMPLAINING ABOUT? So, if you make $300,000 ($50,000 above the first $250,000) Obama is going to ask for $1500. FIFTEEN HUNDRED for FIFTY THOUSAND. AND YOU STILL GET THE 50% TAX CREDIT FOR SMALL BUSINESSES AND THE $3000 FOR EVERY NEW PLUMBER YOU HIRE, DUMBASS. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU COMPLAINING ABOUT?

[An economics lesson from a DUmmie who doesn't even pay mommy rent for the basement he is posting from.]

4. That little bit extra you would be paying in taxes will help the middle class in this country have some extra money in their pockets which (GUESS WHAT, STOOPID MORAN (sic)) helps them HIRE FREAKING PLUMBERS, thus giving you MORE BUSINESS, so that you can make MORE MONEY.

[You call Joe "STOOPID" but guess who's the DUmmie?]

5. If you provide health benefits to your employees, you must remember that John McCain wants to TAX THOSE BENEFITS AS INCOME---including the policy that you purchase for yourself. JOHN MCCAIN WILL RAISE YOUR TAXES A HELL OF A LOT MORE THAN $30 per thousand. If you pay $10,000 for your health care plan, and pay 36% tax on it, which John McCain wants you to do...guess what, idiot?....you will pay an extra $3600 in income taxes. Do you really want to do that? You would have to make over $350,000 to get taxed that much more by Obama. PLUS YOU DON'T GET THE 50% tax credit for small business under McCain.

[I'm picturing a DUmmie here with a slide rule trying to figure out how to make a Rube Goldberg economics machine work.]

So, Joe the Plumber. If you are too damned stupid to understand how Obama benefits you much more than McCain, then throw the American dream away and vote for McCain.

[I guess no invite for Joe the Plumber to Barack Obama's Freudenschade victory party in Grant Park on election night.]

Dipshit.

[Speaking of election night, this DUmmie is going to be FUn to watch that evening.]

If you are so f*cking ignorant as to not understand this, then you are not bright enough to own your own business. You had better just keep working for somebody else. Otherwise, you'll probably end up bankrupt, and hoping for the government to bail your ass out.

[This DUmmie is so angry that I suspect his mommy cut back on his allowance. And now to hear from the other enraged DUmmies...]

He probably blames his divorce on other people too.

[Who do you blame your divorce from reality on?]

Sorry, I know this is stereotyping but he looks jackbootish to me...

[Just like you stereotyped a clean-cut photographer at a leftwing demonstration in DC.]

Have we found out yet that McCain paid this goof to ask Obama about his taxes? If so, I missed it so far. If not, I would not be surprised if we hear about that shortly.

[Karl Rove left a bag of money on his front porch.]

Joe also thinks Obama's plan sounds "Marxist" Kinda gives you an idea of where Joe's coming from.

[Reality.]

Joe the Plumber was a republican plant. OBVIOUS. Cameras ready. Gotcha moment. Then use in debate. Toss "joe" (wow, another Joe, how curious) on the day after morning shows. Nearly perfect ....... but too obvious. Joe listens to way too much talk radio. Too many rw talking points.

[How do you like the fit of your tinfoil hat?]

He is on all the shows this morning. Cutting Obama down!! Need somebody to find out if he was a plant!!

[Why don't you send out that investigative team of Leopold & Lib?]

Joe sure is opinionated for someone who's not registered to vote.

[Careful with that because that statement will boomerang on you as you shall see in the KOmmie thread.]

Yes, Joe is a dumbass Repuke...but the fact that the media is drooling over this guy, like he is making a valid point, is the problem. I hope Obama;s team jumps all over this is and start flooding the air waves to "explain it" to the DUMBASS media!!!!

[Send in the Smear Team!!!]

I don't want to slam plumbers or any blue collar contractors for that matter. But most of them I meet are RW hillbilly's' There, I f*cking said it. They are usually terrible with finances, and some of the biggest rip-off artists I've ever met. At least in the surrounding area where I live. I've met a few cool, ethical contractors, but it's never the norm. And yes, they do often make shit-loads of money, by exploiting cheap labor, and ripping off the consumers they "service". Even the landscapers are driving around in new Corvettes. So now we've got Joe Plumber who, just like so many other skilled-trade contractors, finds every tax loop-hole known to man, (when they actually report their taxable income). Believe me. I've worked for these slimy, under the table scumbags in the past. It was hard to wash the dirt off some nights. But you'll never convince these morons that Barack Obama is out to help them. No, Obama is Muslim. That's about as intelligible as the conversation gets, and then reasoning is done. Spend some time here in the blue-collar bars of central Ohio, and you'll know what I'm talking about. Success is measured by the least mpg.

[That statement should cause The One to lose Ohio and Pennsylvania. Thanx, DUmmie!]

I've seen about 3 minutes of that guy talking and it's clear that he's completely blinded by the typical RW line.

[So unenlightened as to not be completely blinded by the typical Bolshevik line. And now we go to KOmmieland to laugh at their frustated rage...]

"Joe the Plumber" Not a Registered Voter

[Really? Methinks you have a major "OOPS!" coming your way.]

Now, I realize that this has not been varified, but if this is true, and the MSM picks up on it, I honestly think that this may have damaging affects. McCain kept bringing him up, adding a new rule to drinking games. He is a household name now and then we find out he can't even vote.

[This KOmmie is soon going to have the unfortunate experience that some people prefer to use their middle names. But let us now read the other KOmmie rantings about this "unregistered" plumber before the sad truth sets in...]

I saw him on video last night. His arms were crossed. He looked confrontational. I thought what the heck, he's not interested in learning anything. When Obama reached and put a hand on him, he drew back.

[Sure signs of a heretic who refuses to accept the infallibility of The One.]

Of course, it looks as though JoeT.P. may not actually be a voter.

[Yes, yes. Please place all your eggs in that basket.]

The IRS, the FBI, and the FTC should be checking into this guy.

[For committing Thought Crimes. And now a KOmmie reports on a certain sad truth...]

If this is he, he is a registered voter...found a Samuel Joseph Wurzelbacher in Holland, Ohio (near Toledo) on Lexis. He registered in 2002 as party affiliation "none declared."

[OOPs! It looks like the KOmmies didn't figure that perhaps Joe the Plumber prefers being called that to Sam the Plumber.]

I just hope - please God That Joe Plumber's 15 minutes of fame are over by tomorrow morning, that I'll never hear the word hockey mom ever again after this campaign, and that Joe Sixpack gets a DWI next time he hits the road wasted.

[You will be hitting the road wasted after election day on November 5.]

Totally. Drain this, Joe the Plumber. Sounds like another angry right-wing jerk. Thankfully he's too lazy to register to vote.

[Happily you're WRONG about his voter status.]

After reading that, I'm glad he's not registered to vote.

[You'll be going from glad to sad status when you find out the truth.]

HE IS A PLANT. Makes sense, that is all the Republicans have left is gamesmanship and tricks.

[PLANT that tinfoil hat firmly on this KOmmies tiny skull.]

The man is a racist slug looking for an excuse to vote against Obama.

[Posted a KOmmie with an excuse for a brain.]

How many times can Joe the Plumber vote

[Just once since he didn't register several times over by ACORN.]

Will it surprise anyone that he's not registered, is it public knowledge, should it be? Perhaps the folks at ACORN should stop by with a voter registration card.

[They would never do that since he doesn't favor the Obamassiah.]

This guy Joe may regret his 15 minutes of fame. Most of us have skeletons in the closet. Does he really want his revealed?

[Threatened the KOmmie.]

As a law student I have access to LexisNexis so I looked up Mr. Joe Plumber to verify that he is not registered. And lo and behold he is not.

[As a law student, you're too stupid to figure out that Joe might be prefer to use his middle name.]

UPDATE: Freeper Gloucester created this PERFECT graphic!

"Message from Hopi Elders"

As soon as I saw the title of this DUmmie THREAD, "Message from Hopi Elders," I just knew I had to DUFU it. The reason is that almost four years ago, a similar thread titled, “A DUer's Wakeup Prayer -- The Hopi Elders Speak," featured in this DUmmie FUnnies EDITION turned out to be one of our most popular DUFUs ever. So why argue with success? Therefore let us now watch the DUmmies react to a message from the Hopi Elders in Bolshevik Red while your humble correspondent, who once turned over a few bucks to a Navajo Elder for some turquoise trinkets, is in the [brackets]:

Message from Hopi Elders

[Did that message come via e-mail?]

You have been telling the people that this is the Eleventh Hour, now you must go back and tell the people that this is the Hour. And there are things to be considered: Where are you living? What are you doing? What are your relationships? Are you in right relation? Where is your water? Know your garden. It is time to speak your Truth. Create your community. Be good to each other. And do not look outside yourself for the leader. This could be a good time!

[The Eleventh Hour before election day, November 5.]

There is a river flowing now very fast. It is so great and swift that there are those who will be afraid. They will try to hold on to the shore. They will feel they are being torn apart and will suffer greatly. Know the river has its destination. The elders say we must let go of the shore, push off into the middle of the river, keep our eyes open, and our heads above the water.

[Let go of your common sense and drown in the Obama river.]

See who is in there with you and celebrate. At this time in history, we are to take nothing personally. Least of all, ourselves. For the moment that we do, our spiritual growth and journey comes to a halt. The time of the lone wolf is over. Gather yourselves! Banish the word struggle from your attitude and your vocabulary. All that we do now must be done in a sacred manner and in celebration. We are the ones we've been waiting for.

["We are the ones we've been waiting for?" Hey, Barack Obama should sue those Hopi Elders for plagiarism. Perhaps he should turn that task over to Joe Biden.]

The Hopi have a prophecy (see the Native American group) and it seems that part of it has begun with a great river flowing fast up to the shores (could it be the Mississippi River is my thought).

[Sorry but the Hopis of the Southwest were completely unaware of the Mississippi River. Back to square one.]

In any event, this is some thoughtful reading for COLUMBUS DAY I think.

[Columbus Day OBSERVED. There's a difference. And now we Hopi over to the other DUmmies...]

Do you have a link to this? My peace action group would love to read something like this.

[Google "Phony Hopi Messages."]

I don't have a link it came in the email to me yesterday from one of the many Native American lists that I am on.

[I swear that I didn't read the above when I asked if the Hopi Elders message came via e-mail.]

My mother grew up with the Hopi and I've been studying their prophecy for many years now. Supposedly, the elders have been silent for a long time now as they went to live out the rest of their lives in their caves high up on the cliffs in Arizona in about 1990 as they had warnings that now is the time for their prophecy to begin.

[Living in a cave high up on the Arizona cliffs? Is that like living in a basement deep in Mommy's house?]

The part about the river did it for me when I thought about the Mississippi overflowing and everyone was trying to shore it up. In fact, I remember posting about it and telling people to forget this plan as it would not work. That was before I even knew of this particular part of the prophecy.

[Yeah like Hopis of ancient times living in Arizona somehow knew about the Mississippi River. How? By watching TV?]

wisdom, real wisdom. thank you for this wonderful thing.

[Awesome. I just love the wisdom of these fake Hopi Elders messages written by burnt out hippies.]

his has been kicking around the net for years. And I have always wondered where the hell it came from. No Hopi elder is ever identified. I suppose it's just from a generic Hopi elder? A generic Hope message?

[Generic Hopi Elder messages inspired by watching way too many Billy Jack movies.]

My grandfather was inducted into the Bear Clan by the Hopis in about 1900. He was born on the Hopi reservation to German immigrants in 1895. I have a bunch of interesting old photos and letters from those days. All their metaphors and imagery are about water.

[Posted the wannabee Billy Jack.]

I have all of my late mother's things. She was adopted by the Cherokee and ended up spending a good part of her life in Arizona as they had moved there from Louisiana in the 1920s. They are an amazing people and I remember her stories about going to school with them. She said that they "came on horseback to school when they could make it". It was rough times indeed.

[It sounds more like your mother was adopted by the Yenta tribe.]

The "True Americans" have spoken and it is good. I often think if one of the Palinites were next to one of the Hopi or Zuni, Zia, Laguna,(the local SW tribes) who I have deep affection for, or just someone who looks like Sitting Bull and I asked them.."What country is that person from?" How long would it take for them to get around to saying "America???!!!"

[How long would it take them to work the leather strap into your mouth?]

This was directly from a good friend of mine named ChoQosh Auh-Ho-Oh and was given to her by the Iroquois Elder “Uncle John”

[LIAR! I happen to know your friend is actually named ChoSquash Ahh-Umm-Duh!]

And the time of waiting is over. Time to start doing.

[DUAC! DUAC!]

Time to watch "Koyaanisqatsi" again...

[Also "The Trial of Billy Jack."]

DUmmie Panic Preview When Polls Tighten

In this edition of the DUmmie FUnnies you will get a sneak preview on how badly the DUmmies will panic when the polls start to tighten about a week before the election. Why am I so certain that the polls will tighten? Because they ALWAYS do when a Republican is supposedly behind in the polls. Right now the polls show Obama way ahead but how accurate are they? Probably not that accurate but right now the pollsters don't need to worry so much about accuracy. The time they will be extra careful to be accurate will be about a week before the election when their reputations are on the line. Then you will see both a sudden tightening of the polls along with incredible panic from the DUmmies who will be sure this will be a prelude to the Republicans making it easier to steal the election via Diebold deviltry. Today we see the DUmmies angrily scoffing at the very notion that the polls could even tighten up in this THREAD titled, "scarborough thinks ayers and wright will tighten the election back up." So let us now watch the DUmmies work themselves into a denial mindset in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, looking forward to some VERY entertaining DUFUs starting about a week before Election Day on November 5, is in the [barackets]:

scarborough thinks ayers and wright will tighten the election back up

[Thought Crime! How Dare he even think that!]

jeez what a f*cked up man

[Ridiculous to think that the voters would be concerned about Obama's close association with both a terrorist and a Hate Whitey kook.]

He needs to step away from the crack pipe.

[So that you can take a hit on it.]

These smear tactics only appeal to Republican extremists.

[So no more worries about "swiftboating?"]

I want to remain optimistic. I do. But then I remember the lessons of the past 12-15 years and beyond and my optimism goes out the window.

[Please keep that optimistic smile on your face as we fiddle with your Diebold.]

Joe Scab is delusional..and desperate...

[Delusional and desperate? Aren't those requirements for entering the hallowed halls of DUmmieland?]

Is he off his meds again???

[Yes, but only because you stole his lithium.]

He WANTS it to tighten up but its backfiring instead. The polls this morning seem to indicate that people are turned off by this. Remember in 2004 it was the 527s and Bush could hold his hands clean but in 2008 its McCrap and Phalin starting this...you never want to be the candidate and do the smears you want someone from the outside to do it.

[You're going to be FUn to watch starting about a week before the election.]

Every poll says otherwise. When will Scarborough be forced to accept reality?

[And we must accept those polls because they are every bit as accurate as the 2004 exit polls. Anyway, fasten your seatbelts, everybody, about a week before the election because that is when the DUFU FUn really begins when the polls tighten up.]

Slate Writer Reveals Liberal Agenda In The Open

Freudenschade, baby! This is a special edition of the DUmmie FUnnies. Instead of DUmmies or KOmmies or HUffies, we are focusing on Slate senior writer, Timothy Noah, who is so confident of Obama's "victory" in November that he jumped the gun and posted the not so hidden liberal agenda out in the open. You can read his Slate ARTICLE titled, "The New Complacency," as well as an ANALYSIS of that article over at NewsBusters. So let us now join honorary DUmmie Timothy Noah in mid-gloat as he is about to reveal WAY too much in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, thanking Noah's bark, is in the [barackets]:

There's a new scent in the air. If you're a Democrat, you haven't felt it tickle your nostrils since October 1996, when everybody knew that Bill Clinton was about to beat Bob Dole. The perfume hasn't been this strong since October 1964, the eve of Lyndon Johnson's landside presidential victory. It's the sweet smell of success that you can take for granted.

[If a liberal farts by himself and there is on one else around to smell it, will it count as a scent?]

With every passing day, it's harder to imagine that the next president of the United States will be a Republican—even a "maverick" Republican like John McCain. A consensus is emerging that the next president will be Barack Obama, a Democrat. Obama may not win in a landside, as some predict, but the common wisdom is that he will win and that the Democrats will expand their majorities in the House and Senate. Like the houseguests in Agatha Christie's And Then There Were None, swing states are disappearing one by one. Goodbye, Michigan; farewell, Ohio. Will Florida evaporate next? Colorado? Missouri?

[Yes, yes! Count those chickens before they hatch!]

Conservatives can carp all they want about the insularity of the cultural elite, but it's been a very long time since liberals had the chance to experience electoral complacency at the national level. You'll forgive them if they take a moment to taste it, savor it, perhaps bottle a little extra to tide them over during the next conservative ascendancy. Practically the only thing you can't do is securitize it, but it would be churlish to complain about that, given the central role the financial markets' collapse played in bringing the New Complacency about. Democrats, you want to worry about something? Worry about your portfolio!

[Taste it. Savor that Freudenschade victory champagne. It's been a long wait.]

During the past 25 years, there have been countless sentiments that respectable Democratic politicians were never, ever supposed to say out loud for fear of angering the all-powerful Republicans. It still isn't wise for Obama to say them, but maybe the New Complacency will loosen other tongues within the political mainstream. Even if it doesn't, it's fun to think about what those utterances might be. What follows is a list, compiled with help from my fellow Slate staffers. The views expressed don't necessarily reflect those of the contributors—one of whom is a conservative Republican—or even me. But they sure are a refreshing change from what we've been hearing since 1981. With a little luck, they may soon be orthodoxies.

[DUmmie Noah is so confident of victory in November that he lets down his guard and stupidly posts the liberal agenda out in the open. Now comes the really FUn part!!!]

I think Karl Marx had some valuable insights into capitalist economies!

[With a little luck you hope that Karl Marxism becomes our economic orthodoxy.]

I think abortion should be safe and legal. Rare is fine, too, but the way to achieve that is contraception, baby!

I think Mormons are kooks!

The Second Amendment does too allow government to ban handguns!

[Keep that latter one in mind, you Pennsylvania voters.]

Let's standardize the federal age of consent at 16!

Promiscuity between consenting adults is good exercise!

I don't support the troops. I support some troops, depending on whether or not they've committed war crimes!

[And there will be war crimes trials under an Obama administration.]

The military-industrial complex is a greater menace than most foreign nations!

If Israel isn't out of the occupied territories in six months, we'll cut off all aid.

[Be sure to forward that one to Susan Silverman of the Great Schlep.]

America isn't the greatest nation in the world. We think it is only because it's our country. Duh!

[May we now question your patriotism?]

America's official languages should be English and Spanish!

[Kiss goodbye to some more states and deduct them from the Obama column.]

What's so great about the Judeo-Christian tradition?

Big-city values are better than small-town values!

I'm glad the Muslims whupped the Christians during the Crusades! Served 'em right!

[Which explains why the liberals are rooting for the Islamo-Fascists now.]

I'm not a "progressive," for Pete's sake. I'm a liberal!

I'm not a "liberal," for Pete's sake. I'm a leftist!

I'm not a "leftist," for Pete's sake. I'm a democratic socialist!

I'm not a democratic socialist, for Pete's sake. I'm a Communist! Just kidding!

[You might be just kidding but the DUmmies in DUmmieland are not. Okay, folks, please e-mail this edition of the DUmmie FUnnies around so a lot more people out there can find out what the liberals are planning if Obama wins. And thanx to Slate writer, Timothy Noah, for prematurely releasing the not so hidden liberal agenda. By doing so, you might have pulled the rug from under an Obama victory which you are already celebrating.]

Hugo Chavez Endorses Barack Obama

Hugo Chavez has come as close as you can to endorsing Barack Obama as you can come without actually saying so. However if you read what Chavez has recently said, you can pretty much consider it an endorsement. And this makes the DUmmies very nervous as you can see in this THREAD titled, "Hugo Chávez: 'New US president should listen to the world.'" The DUmmies know that Chavez is in favor of his fellow Marxist, Obama, winning the election but they don't want him to come out and say so just yet because they fear the backlash of such an endorsement. So let us now watch the DUmmies ponder the Chavez endorsement in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, noting that those cocoa leaves that Chavez munches daily probably caused him to let down his guard, is in the [barackets]:

Hugo Chávez: "New US president should listen to the world"

[And guess who Hugo Chavez means. And it's not Sarah Palin's running mate.]

Source: El Universal, Venezuelan opposition newspaper

[Opposition "por ahora" until Venezuela completely institutes its own version of the "Fairness Doctrine."]

Venezuela's President Hugo Chávez said that the next US president must "talk and listen" to the world. He also said that the new leader of the United States would be accountable for the implementation of neoliberal policies and their impact on the global financial crisis.

[Yup! An Obama endorsement.]

"The next president of the United States must sit down and talk to the world. He has to do it." "Not with Chávez, I am not important," said the Venezuelan leader on Saturday night during a meeting with regional media in the eastern state of Sucre, DPA reported.

[Definitely meaning Obama.]

Chávez made these remarks when he was asked about the recent statements made by Democrat presidential candidate Barack Obama on a possible dialogue with the Venezuelan president if Obama wins the elections next November 4.

[The word is missing but this is definitely an endorsement. Now on to the nervous DUmmies...]

There is only one chance of that happening. Hugo and Barack, the bonding.

[Of course, my perceptive little DUmmie. Hugo and Barack will bond if Obama wins.]

I wish he'd shut up about the U.S. and this election. We're gaining a lot of "middle ground," moderate voters. Let's keep it that way, and not introduce Chavez into the mix.

[Please don't let the public know that Hugo Chavez endorses Obama. We still have a lot of gullible "moderate voters" that we have to sucker.]

I stand by my statement. He's not helping Obama anymore than an endorsement by the Castros would. I want to win this election.

[Translation: Please shut up "por ahora," Hugo, so we can fool enough people.]

Did you not realize he was answering a direct question when he said that? Maybe he should have called you to seek your advice. He did NOT endorse Barack Obama, or can't you grasp this detail?

[He did not formally "endorse" Obama but he did endorse him without actually saying "endorse." Wink! Wink!]

Chavez should STFU. At least until after the election ... THEN he can run his gob all he wants.

[There it is folks. The DUmmies want Chavez to just shut up about endorsing Obama until he can express his Barack love after the election.]

No, he should NOT STFU. He's telling the truth, why should he?

[I agree. Hugo Chavez should be allowed to loudly express his support for Obama.]

I believe in Free Speech ... I'm not passing laws against him saying something. I'm saying I wish he'd shut up until after the election.

[Please do not let the public know that Obama is endorsed by a Bolivaran Marxist.]

It doesn't endorse anyone whatsoever.

[He doesn't use the word "endorse," but Hugo definitely does endorse you-know-who and it ain't McCain.]

So I really see no reason why Chavez should shut up. I certainly wouldn't.

[Speak up, Chavez! Let us all know about your endorsement of Obama.]

Chavez is a passionate man, a warrior who feels things strongly, intensely and who is gifted with empathy for shared suffering... whereas US armchair cowboys, who are playing Masters of the Universe games with real countries in the real world, are cowardly sociopathic bureaucrats. But Obama will change all that. Just watch. The tide has turned. We get to salvage what's left of the wreck.

[Obama will change all that. He will change us into a Bolivaran Republic.]

He is not a nut. He is not a clown. He is not a tyrant. He is well-supported, trusted and admired and he is VERY democratic.

[Chavez is not a nut? Isn't this the same clown who ordered all Venezuelan clocks set forward by a half hour?]