Nutroots Nation: KOmmies rock Las Vegas!

The KOmmies of Daily Kos are DUmmies with better press. They may be slightly more upscale--some of them even have jobs--but they are just as Looney Left. Under Head KOmmie Markos Moulitsas, DKos has cultivated the image of the cool, cutting-edge place in the blogosphere for progressive movers and shakers.

And for the past few years, they have held a "Yearly Kos" KOmmie KOnvention during the summer. They call it "Netroots Nation," but really it's more like "NUtroots Nation." All the hip, with-it KOmmies assemble at some hotel, and they bring in lots of their favorite nutcase politicians (Reid, Pelosi, Grayson, Franken) and pundits (Ed Schultz) to speak to them over several days. Whoopee! Party time! Of course there is also much frolicking and merriment in the PM.

This year's just-concluded bash was held in Las Vegas. So let's join KOmmie Adam B, "chairman of the board of directors for NN," as he looks back on the highlight of their year (the lowlight will come this November), here in this THREAD, "NN10: Leaving Las Vegas." KOmmie Adam B is in Bolshevik Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, who sat through a long convention of a different kind in Houston earlier this month, is in the [brackets]:

NN10: Leaving Las Vegas

[Viva Las Vegas! Viva Viagra! ¡Viva la Revolución!]

Wow.

[Mao.]

I hope you were inspired.

[I hope you perspired.]

I hope you were engaged.

[I hope you are enraged.]

I suspect you're exhausted.

[I suspect you're defrosted.]

There are so many sub-conferences which take part in Netroots Nation. Of course, there's the formal calendar with its keynote sessions, panel discussions, training sessions and caucuses.

[With all those Caucusians. Me, I'm part of the GLBT Caucus--Goy Lutheran Bilingual Translators.]

There's the Exhibit Hall, an energetic world of its own.

[And the Exhibitionist Hall, where benburch hangs out. (No, not *literally*! Ewww, disturbing mental image!)]

There's the social calendar, too. . . .

[WHEEEE! Parties! Dancing! Showgirls! Showguys! Chocolate fountains! Ice sculptures! And hundreds of nerdy little leftists!]

then there's what I'd call the interstitial conference. . . .

[You would, Adam B. And you'd be the only one who knew what you meant. Was "interstitial" on your Word of the Day calendar? Most people would think you're talking about an "intestinal" conference, like it was about excreting waste material. Well, come to think of it. . . .]

I can't possibly single out one moment -- big or tweet-level -- and that's not my job.

[Do you even HAVE a job?]

more than any other conference we've run, this was a *progressive* conference more than it was a Democratic conference.

["Progressive," good. "Democratic," bad.]

Yes, party leaders and office seekers were there, but this felt more like a conference about progressive ideas and building our progressive movement (and obtaining progressive policy victories) than it was about the electoral process.

[Don't kid yourself, Adam B. Those Democrat hack politicians were there to lock up your votes once again, not because they care about your "progressive ideas." They just want to make you FEEL like you're important to them.]

As chairman of the board of directors for NN, I need to know what you think.

[Oooh! "Chairman of the board of directors for NN"! I'm impressed. In other words, you're Head KOmmie Kos's little lackey--kind of like EarlG is to Skinner, in the parallel universe of DUmmieland.]

So tell us stories about your Netroots Nation experience.

[Once upon a time, there lived a bunch of looney little leftists who left their basements and trekked out into the desert at the hottest time of the year. They sat among themselves in a big hotel and pretended they were the most important people on earth. Everyone else in the land laughed at them, but they could not hear the laughing, because they were too busy listening to sleazy politicians and pundits who needed to fawn all over them in order to keep their jobs. The looney little leftists sat for hours on end, on their ends, and then in the evenings they got up and ate from chocolate fountains and boogied the night away. It was a magical time. . . .]

To give you an idea -- from your feedback last year, we added karaoke this year.

[KOmmie Karaoke! Yes! Off-key renderings of "Imagine" and "Sweet Caroline" till your ears bleed!]

and to make sure the schedule was more endurable overall.

[11:00 a.m. Singing of "The Internationale" . . . 11:05 Opening Incantation . . . 11:10 Speaker . . . 11:30 Lunch . . . 3:45 Speaker . . . 3:50 Chakra Release . . . 3:55 Closing Rant . . . 4:00 PAR-TEEEEEE!!!]

Thanks again. You each make our conference, and our movement, what it is.

[Intestinal?]

DUmmies Debate John Kerry Yacht Tax Avoidance

You want to know the easiest way to own a big yacht if you don't have the bucks? Simple. Just marry a rich old widow. That was exactly what John F. Kerry did. Okay, he does have to put up with an incredibly annoying wife but with his Yacht, "Isabel," he can get away from the old bag in comfort. And despite the fact that he could easily tap into the half billion dollar Heinz fortune to pay the Massachusetts sales and excise tax of about a half million dollars, Kerry avoided those taxes by registering the yacht in Newport, RI. Yeah, he is one of the biggest whiners in the Senate about the rich not paying "their fair share" of taxes but when it comes time for Momma T's Boy Toy to pay his fair share, he goes looking for loopholes to avoid payment. This has caused something of a debate in DUmmieland as you can see in this THREAD, "Mass. Sen. Kerry Docks Family's New $7M Yacht In Rhode Island, Saving $500,000 In Taxes." So let us now watch the DUmmies debate about Kerry paying his "fair share" in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, noting that kite boarding has become more popular than windsurfing, is in the [brackets]:

Mass. Sen. Kerry Docks Family's New $7M Yacht In Rhode Island, Saving $500,000 In Taxes

[And he'll be the first to squawk about the need to raise taxes.]

Massachusetts Sen. John Kerry is docking his family's new $7 million yacht in neighboring Rhode Island, allowing him to avoid paying roughly $500,000 in taxes to his cash-strapped home state.

If the Isabel were kept at the 2008 Democratic presidential nominee's summer vacation home on Nantucket or in Boston Harbor near his city residence, he would be liable for $437,500 in one-time sales tax. He would also have to pay $70,000 in annual excise taxes.

Rhode Island repealed those taxes in 1993. That has made the state something of a nautical tax haven.

Kerry spokesman David Wade said Friday the boat is being kept at Newport Shipyard not to evade taxes, but "for long-term maintenance, upkeep and charter purposes."

[And this can't be done in Taxachussets?]

Wade noted the vessel was designed by Rhode Island boat designer Ted Fontaine and purchased in the state. It was built in New Zealand by Friendship Yachts.

[Not American made?]

A Department of Revenue spokesman said Kerry would be liable for Massachusetts taxes if he berthed the boat in the Bay State within six months of its purchase. If the Isabel were brought to Massachusetts after that period, the state would have to decide if it wanted to pursue the taxes.

[So would the people who question this be called "berthers?" Now on to the DUmmie Peanut Gallery...]

Nobody wants to pay more taxes through piss-poor planning. I wouldn't even criticize a Rethug for this. It's not tax dodging like sheltering income or using shell corporations, it's just good sense.

[Yeah, just good sense to conveniently avoid all those taxes which the likes of Kerry slam for avoiding.]

Bullshit! It's being greedy. He can pay the taxes, and their are desparate people that need the...money. Why is everyone for social services until THEY have to pay them? If you are for them but go running when the bill comes, call yourself a right winger. If he has money for a $7000000 yacht, he can pay the f*cking taxes!

[Kerry is of the Leona Helmsley school of taxation.]

Personally, I don't. I take very little in the way of deductions because ............ I believe that most of those tax dollars go to good use.

[Such as Obama golf outings and buzzing Lower Manhattan in Air Force One.]

Perhaps there are other reasons besides money to choose Newport.

[Great burger joints?]

Despite Joe Biden's ridiculous "Get patriotic!" remark about paying more taxes, anyone who fails to take advantage of a loophole like this is an idiot. Good for Kerry.

[So you won't moan anymore about tax loopholes?]

There are loads of Kerry boating stories every year.

He has had boats for decades.
Really nice ones.
A few different ones over the years.
He is a well known boater

[A few different rich wives over the years makes the difference.]

Look I get trying to save 500k. I really do. He got caught and now is gonna pony up. Good for him, but it is absurd to argue he didn't know about this tax law. This is no different than Geitner's behavior, which I spoke up against at the time.

[LOUSY FREEPER TROLL!!!]

People living in WA state do this all the time. They buy car in Oregon which has no sales tax, and register in Oregon, but use it in WA state where they live. Just drive through any high density housing and you will see many cars with OR license plates.

[And I bet a lot of those cars still have Obama bumper stickers on them.]

It is owned by a Heinz company LLC. I doubt Kerry had much to do with the financial decision making.

[Heinz seems to buy most of the Boy Toy toys.]

It's a CLEAR CASE of racism...

[Anti-Irish, especially those from County Kohn.]

Actually, he can afford it because he married into money.

[A Kewpie Doll is being shipped to you via expensive yacht.]

DUmmies stick voodoo pins into Limbaugh, Beck, and Palin

Feel the love! The gentle folk of DUmmieland, who think they've cornered the market on love and compassion--how do they react when someone on the other side of the political spectrum comes down with a malady or illness? Get-well wishes and cards and flowers? Well, not exactly.

When Glenn Beck announced the other day that he might be going blind, the DUmmies responded with this lovely THREAD, "Limbaugh struck deaf. Beck struck blind. When Palin loses her voice, it'll be a trifecta!"

Like pins into voodoo dolls, so are the Days of Our DUmmies. Their happy thoughts are in Dear Hearts and Gentle People Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson--back after several busy weeks away--is in the [brackets]:

Limbaugh struck deaf.

[DUmmie struck DUmb.]

Beck struck blind.

[Strike two . . .]

When Palin loses her voice, it'll be a trifecta!

[Three strikes and you're out--of compassion!]

Goooooooo, JESUS!

[Uh, Jesus HEALED the deaf and the blind.]

Whatever voodoo you are cooking up, keep it coming.

[VooDU! VooDU!]

You know if there is a god, this sh*t is a MESSAGE. Old Testament style smiting!

["If there is a god"? Be careful, you might be in line for a smiting yourself!]

Am sick of the screechy women that Repubs put out front. Their voices are shrill. . . .

[Is that you, Nancy Pelosi?]

Beck was whining about Braille (!) and now he's going blind?!!!

[If whining causes blindness, I'm going to open a white cane concession in DUmmieland.]

Smearing Vaseline in ones eyes to bring forth tears can also cause blurred vision.

[So, what would be blurred for benburch?]

When Cheney gets struck, the dark side will become lighter. . . .

[Cheney Insanity Addiction (CIA) has no known cure.]

Ooooh, yeah. Maybe CHEENEEEY'll be the one get the cosmic STFU. That would be fine.

[You can almost SEE the DUmmie drooling!]

I bet they all suck at pinball anyway.

[But DUmmies excel at pin-doll.]

I want her face to get so wrinkled she becomes a prune. I want her hair to turn gray and I want her to slowly lose control of her faculties.

[You want Sarah Palin to become Helen Thomas?]

Don't wish harm to anybody. . . .

[DIE, LOUSY FREEPER TROLL!!!]

Lady Blah Blah has already lost her mind. . . .

[Another DUmmie with Palin Madness Syndrome (PMS).]

I can't recommend this. . . . I can't let myself wish ill on anybody.

[Your fellow DUmmies may have voodoo dolls, DUmmie Mimosa, but we here at DUmmie FUnnies have Kewpie Dolls--and we give them away! Yours is in the mail!]

I would have been happy if Bush had just lost his Dick. . . .

[OK, I'll grant you, that one is almost FUnnie!]

DUFUing Journolist

Question: What are the DUmmie screen names of the Journolist members? I have to ask because the Journolist posts as revealed by the Daily Caller show them to be every bit as LOONY as the DUmmies. Oddly enough the angriest person over the Journolist is not a conservative but WILLIAM RIVERS PITT. Why? Because despite the fact that about 400 leftwing "jouralists" were members of the exclusive club, Pitt was not invited. How does it feel to be so discredited over Hoaxmas that even Journolist won't send you an invite? So let us now watch the Journolist rantings right after Obama was elected in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, noting that Pitt could form a group of Journolist rejects called "JournoPissed, is in the [brackets]:

It’s all I can do not to start bawling.

[I'll give you another hankie this Nov. 3.]

I’m picturing something like VJ Day in Times Square. Seriously!

[I'm picturing something like you in the Rubber Room. Seriously!]

I’m looking across the street at my polling place, and the line is wrapped around the block. I nearly burst into tears when I saw it. I’m feeling like today is closing the door on a terrible era, and opening another. I’m glad you started this thread because I was feeling kind of like I was the only one who is deeply emotional today.

[You'll be bursting into tears when you see the line wrapped around the block this November.]

11 months ago I burst into tears by myself on a plane while watching Hardball when my mind wandered to the image of President Obama being sworn in. I’ve been fighting it ever since.

[Another candidate for a big "Boo-Hoo!" this November.]

I’m not sure why, but this part of the Battle Hymn of the Republic came to me . . . . Glory! Glory! Hallelujah! Glory! Glory! Hallelujah! Glory! Glory! Hallelujah! Since God is marching on.

[You'll become an atheist again come November.]

I’ve never felt anything like U Street tonight. Huging, kissing strangers…everything.

[Kind of like West Hollywood on Halloween night.]

Anyone who uses the expression “Real America.” We should send there ass to Gitmo!

[Or to the nearest WalMart detention center.]

F*cking Nascar retards…

[That was Eric Alterman who will be needing the Rahm Emanuel script on how to apologize for that post.]

DUmmies Gloat Over Dick Cheney Heart Problems

Feel the love! As soon as I heard that former vice president (who should have been president) Dick Cheney had heart problems and needed to undergo surgery, I just knew the DUmmies would display their venom once again. And they have proven me right as you can see in this THREAD, "Dick Cheney Likely Has End-Stage Heart Disease." I used the pic of Cheney as Dr. Evil above since I think he would appreciate the humor of how the Left views him. So let us now watch the DUmmies go into full venom mode in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, wishing Cheney well, is in the [brackets]:

Dick Cheney Likely Has End-Stage Heart Disease

[Don't get your hopes up and count him out yet.]

"End Stage." In this particular case, I like the sound of that.

[Feel the love!]

I'd rather the f*cker was rotting in jail, but I'll take his death if it's all we can get.

[How does it feel to be rotting in the rubber room?]

The mother f*cker should have his bones picked by Vultures

[Remember, no criticism of Obama in DUmmieland is allowed but you are free to pour your venom on Cheney as per the rules.]

I'm still waiting for karma to do its job. He's living in the lap of luxury, had incredible power, a healthy family, and is beyond the reach of the law. Where, exactly, is karma?

[The karma is that you are still stuck in Mommy's basement posting this.]

I don't want to bust on ya, but jeez, this motherfucker REALLY deserves..............to die a slow, painful ass bleeding death.

[Is that you, Bryan T. Platt, because you posted basically the same thing about Ronald Reagan. Here is what Jello Biafra fan BRIAN T. PLATT POSTED on the UseNet about President Reagan in 1998:

Subject: Re: Happy 87th President Reagan!
From: mrbia...@mnsinc.com (Brian T. Platt)
Date: 1998/03/01
Message-ID: <6daue1$p1r$1@news1.mnsinc.com>
Newsgroups: alt.fan.g-gordon-liddy
[More Headers]
[Subscribe to alt.fan.g-gordon-liddy]

Damn, when is that old bastard finally going to die? Seems rather fitting, sort of like God punishing him, that he's wasting away with alzheimers.

I'm surprised we havent seen Gingrich and the like rushing to spend billions to create the Ronald Reagan Alzheimers Research Center.]

I'm sure Cheney will be fine in a month or two and somewhere, someplace, some once young and healthy cadaver will turn up sans heart. Waiting list? Cheney doesn't do waiting lists.

[A lot of cadavers lying nightly on the floor of Bukowskis but I would exactly call them healthy.]

I hope Dick is in pain and drowning in his own fluids

[That also sounds like BRIAN T. PLATT. BTW, did you enjoy your Florida trip last may, Brian? The BSO would like to question you about certain late night aspects of it.]

Send him to Arizona to be frozen. We can thaw him for trial.

[At The Hague?]

let the evil motherf*cker die.

[A Brian T. Platt encore?]

Smoke a turd in Hell, Dick!

[Sorry, he prefers smoked salmon to smoked DUmmies.]

I think each time he defies death, he gives us all the finger.

[Prepare for the finger!]

The vitriol I've seen in this thread goes beyond the pale; surprisingly worse than the things I've read here about Osama Bin Laden.

[LOUSY FREEPER TROLL!!!]

Cheney has killed more people than Bin Laden has.

[I would love for this DUmmie to entrust his neck to Bin Laden.]

it wouldn't surprise me if he was already dead.

[We already know you are brain dead.]

Let's send him a "get well soon" bacon cheeseburger

[Feel the love!]

don't worry, he'll shoot someone in the face and then steal their heart while they are writhing in pain from the buck shot.

[Don't worry about him stealing your brain. Your skull is already empty.]

Is he dead yet?Is he dead yet?Is he dead yet?

[Whispered Brian T. Platt at his high security computer job...shortly before he was brought before the BSO.]

I hope he dies a slow death. The amount of pain due that man would be no where close to what he deserves.

[Yup, that definitely sounds like Brian T. Platt.]

DUmmies Worry About November Elections

The DUmmmies are now starting to sweat over the upcoming November elections. What caused this latest outbreak of worry warts was a statement by White House Press Secretary that the Democrats could lose the House in November which you can see in this THREAD, "Robert Gibbs says Democrats could lose House in November." Hey, it won't be for lack of trying on Obama's part. Playing golf while the Gulf is flooded with oil and instigating a toxic lawsuit against Arizona for trying to stop the illegal alien flood doesn't help matters. Also economy busting measures which keeps unemployment at high levels doesn't exactly ingratiate yourself with the voters. So let us now watch the DUmmies bite their fingernails over the November elections in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, stocking up on the popcorn and beer in preparation for watching the election results, in in the [barackets]:

Robert Gibbs says Democrats could lose House in November

[Uh-oh!]

President Barack Obama's chief spokesman says it's possible that Democrats could lose their majority in the House this fall.

Press secretary Robert Gibbs says there's no doubt that enough seats are in play for Republicans to take control. Gibbs says the outcome of the fall vote will depend on whether Democrats wage strong campaigns.

[Strong campaigns? They won't even attend town hall meetings in their own districts.]

Is this unnecessary alarmism or is it wise to try to motivate the base by pointing out the stakes in the upcoming election? And will talk like this discourage potential Democratic voters, or not? And will it merely encourage the other side?

[I encourage all DUmmies to get up early and vote on November 3.]

I'm not sure how I feel about this. I had thought that while they might pick up some seats, it won't be enough to be able to take over either chamber. But if this is a plausible threat, then I have more to worry about than I thought. A GOP takeover of the House would be an unmitigated disaster.

[Tylenol is on recall so you will need to OD on Zanax.]

I'll bet any amount of money Dems hold the House.

[Bank it.]

Intrade has the pukes at 56% winning the house and the trend isn't good.

[What are the Vegas odds?]

Please, take your case of depression and negativity to a psychiatrist. Many of us prefer to stay positive and look toward kicking GOBP ass this fall. And we damn well can if we work the ground and get out and vote. It is that simple.

[Depression and negativity is what makes my DUmmie ants so much FUn to watch!]

Sorry to put it in such harsh terms but there is an absolutely solid chance we will enough seats flip to hand over control. I would put the odds at 50/50 at this point. It's not right or fair but the scumbaggy gNOp kicked up enough dust and ginned up enough unwarrented anxiety to cloud out the actual reality. Here's hoping the Dems are able to put things back into proper perspective. Remember...those f*cks are the ones who drove the car into the ditch to begin with.

[Obama is doing EXACTLY what is necessary to drive the Democrat party into the ditch at the polls.]

Remember Scott Brown? Might have been a fluke, but probably not.

[I remember Scott Brown and how William Rivers Pitt told us not to worry because he was sure to lose. Bank it.]

I am going to spend anything I can afford to defeat Bachmann the idiot.

[Bachmann is just $10 away from being defeated.]

I voted for Coakley, but a lot of acquaintances didn't, and most had the same reason "why bother - they're all the same". These are people who had hope a year ago, now crushed.

[Enjoy the Rush Crush.]

FDR did much, much more than Obama. No comparison. He immediately went to work for the average Joe and Jane. And the economy turned around quickly.

[Yeah, it only took 8 years for the economy to turn around when WWII started.]

Not what I said at all. The opposition party is ALWAYS more energized in mid terms. We need to WORK.

[DUAC! DUAC!]

Make a strong and CLEAR case, ATTACK HARD, and work the grassroots HARD !

[Posted the DUmmie who plans to spend the next few months in his basement surrounded by pizza cartons.]

Obama needs to start talking about what his plan is to dig this country out of the whole its in and he needed to do it yesturday.

[Obama prefers to spend his time at the golf course trying to get a whole-in-one.]

he needs to deliver to the American people ... thats the point

[Don't worry. Obama will deliver your pizza.]

Gibbs is just stating the facts. Unless we work our asses off
to prevent it, we WILL see a Republican holocaust in November.

[Prepare the Walmart detention centers!]

We might shake our heads and somewhat laugh at the tea bagger candidates, but apparently the Brown win in Mass. was no fluke because now we have Angle leading Reid, and Fiorino and Boxer neck, and neck. Yes, a DISASTER is in the making. I know these are Senatorial races, but the same applies. We've got to get busy.

[Would you like DUAC sauce on your pizza?]

START TODAY. Write letters to the editor. Go to your local campaign office and sign up. I have.

[DUAC! DUAC!]

I'm beginning to think they're trying to lose ON PURPOSE!

[Hee! Hee!]

Rush Limbaugh Reads Article By DUFU Author

WOW!!! An incredible day for your humble correspondent. A little after 2:00 P.M. I am driving in the car and suddenly hear Rush begin referencing a VERY familiar article. Familiar because I wrote it. At first Rush didn't get my name right so I was yelling out my name as if he could hear it and correct himself. However, he soon got my name exactly right. Here is that portion from the Rush Limbaugh Show TRANSCRIPT:

By the way, for those of you, the familial audience here (and you know this), when I say, "I wonder if my audience realizes how fortunate they are," what you know is that that's a media tweak. I'm saying that 'cause I want the left to say, "Do you realize what Limbaugh said? He actually said he wonders if his audience realizes how fortunate they are!" You and I know what's going on here. This is the dirty little secret. In fact there's a guy. P. J. Rednick? J. P. Bladnick? J. R. Ewing? Let me find it. P. J.? It's in the DC Examiner. Where did I put the...? P. J. Gladnick I think it is. Yeah, here it is. "The Rush Limbaugh Challenge," P. J. Gladnick. "I have found a fascinating phenomenon among liberals. They feel free to harshly criticize Rush Limbaugh yet rarely, if ever, listen to him. And when they do hear him it is in carefully selected brief excerpts or in second- or third-hand accounts. This leads to a lot of misconceptions on their part.

You can read the original article about the Rush Limbaugh Challenge in the Washington Examiner HERE. If you notice, the Rush Limbaugh Challenge is open only to non-moonbat leftists which leaves our own troglaman out. But don't feel bad, Troggy. None of the DUmmies qualify either. However, enough about the trog. Back to my favorite subject...MEEEEEEE!!!! And here Rush mentions your humble correspondent again in his conclusion:

So here's P. J. Gladnick urging people to take the "Rush Limbaugh Challenge." This is in the DC Examiner opinions on yesterday afternoon. It cleared about four o'clock in the afternoon, and the point is that he's right.

The strange thing is that until I heard Rush today I was in a bad mood. Luck did not seem to be happening for me in a project I was working on. However, as soon as I heard Rush, my luck instantly changed. Everything went my way. I am only sorry I didn't make a beeline for the Casino. With that Rush Luck working for me I bet I could have won a bundle at the Cleopatra slot machine.

Now I am wondering if the Rush Luck will work its mojo for DUFU co-conspirator Charles Henrickson who is now attending the big Lutheran (LCMS) convention in Houston where they are getting ready to either re-elect their current president or choose a new president. Got that? Choose a NEW president. I mention no names so as not to jinx it but you can probably guess who I am rooting for.

One final note. The experience of having Rush mention your name and read your article over national radio is certainly surreal. It was kind of like having a giant invisible finger pointing out of the radio directly at me.

Okay, we will soon return you to the regular DUFUs.

Things I Learned From the Al Gore Sex Crime Report

Whether or not the allegations by the massage therapist about Al Gore assaulting her in a Portland, Oregon hotel room are true, there are many things I have learned from reading her crime report. Below are excerpts from the report followed by how I was enlightened by the information revealed:

He described a grueling travel schedule over the previous week or two, mostly by air, and he said he needed his gluteus, hamstring, quadriceps and adductors worked on as well as his abdominal area besides his back and whole body…. I mentally noted that a request for adductor work is a bit unusual. In the massage world, sometimes it is said to possibly but rarely be that it’s a precursor to inappropriate behavior by a male client but it’s not necessarily out of the range of professional treatment.

I had never heard of the adductors before but after a bit of googling I found out the the adductor muscles are located on the upper inner thighs, a convenient finger width away from the groin. I salute Al Gore on his intimate familiarity with the human anatomy.

When I began doing the requested abdominal work on him, he became somewhat vocal with muffled moans etc. he began demanding that I go lower and massaging on the abdominal area. I was shocked and I did not massage beyond what is considered a “safe, non sexual area” of the abdomen.

So now I learn that there are "safe, non sexual" areas of the abdomen. Unfortunately I was unable to discern from this report the boundary between the safe and unsafe zones. Meanwhile I am picturing Dr. Zaius from Planet of the Apes warning about entering the forbidden (unsafe) zone of Al Gore's stomach.

He grabbed my right hand hard, shoved it down under the sheet to his pubic hair area, my fingers brushing against his penis and firmly planted my hand on his pubic crest region and said to me, “There!” in a very sharp, loud, angry-sounding tone.

I've known about the pubic area but was unfamiliar with the "pubic crest region." I looked up the definition of "pubic crest" but was left even more confused by what I read: "The rough anterior border of the body of the pubis, continuous laterally with the pubic tubercle." So does this mean that the "pubic crest region" is sort of like the foothills of the pubic area? Further research is required.

He then tried another tactic as though he had very suddenly switched personalities and began in a pleading tone, pleading for release of his second chakra there. There’s so much tension being held. This was yet another euphemism for sexual activity he was requesting put cleverly as though it were a spiritual request or something. I was further deeply shocked and repulsed as my realization of what was happening sunk in and especially as my mind was now reeling from this absolute betrayal by someone I had inherently trusted as a good guy who cares about people including me because of his public persona.

Not only have I never heard of a "second chakra" before, I never even heard of a first chakra. However, I have a pretty good idea of what it is and to paraphrase Principal Carter from Porky's, "Please, please, can we call it a tallywhacker? Chakra is so personal."

I had the fear that rape would be inevitable if I could not get out of the room, yet I could say no way to immediately leave without it also being a risk to my safety because I felt he would use force to counteract forceful moves on my part. So I distracted him by pointing out the box of chocolates on the conference table. Chocolates are a good distraction, right? He then approached the conference table in the room and opened up a box of Moonstruck chocolates on the table, walking toward them, was walking towards me with them who made myself busy and occupied and hopefully seemed further unavailable by packing my stuff fast as I could and came very close to me with a box, offering me some while I kept gathering my items and packing. This is all happening much faster than the retelling of it would indicate.

Wow! Talk about a great product endorsement! I have been unfamiliar with Moonstruck chocolates but I guarantee you, the next time I see a box I will be buying it out of curiosity. And I am sure a lot of other people will do the same. The one economic positive from this sex crime allegation will be a surge in Moonstruck chocolate sales.

I washed the sheets I had used with him during the session the next day. And a few times later, considered throwing them out as the floral pattern Martha Stewart gave me flashbacks every time I saw it of the massage session. I instead donated them to someone in need.

Another great product endorsement! I'm not into Martha Stewart products but because of the education I am receiving from this police report, I now know about the Martha Stewart floral pattern sheets. I suspect that my education will continue as I read more of the Al Gore Sex Crime Report.

DUmmies Massage Al Gore Sex Charges

A bizarre thing has happened in DUmmieland. Ever since Head DUmmie Skinner laid down the LAW regarding criticism of The One in particular and Democrats in general, there is hardly any mention of Obama in their GENERAL DISCUSSION: PRESIDENCY forum. Since you can't say anything critical of Obama, the whole discussion of The Light Worker is generally avoided. What is not avoided is discussion of former Democrats, specifically Al Gore and the sex charge allegations brought against him by a massage therapist as you can see in this THREAD, "Al Gore sex investigation to be re-opened." So even though criticism of The One is verboten in DUmmieland, they are still allowed to slam the Crazed Sex Poodle. Therefore let us now watch the DUmmies stick the nose of that Crazed Sex Poodle Al into his own doo-doo in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, noting the irony of Gore getting busted with vice-presidue on pants as evidence, is in the [barackets]:

Al Gore sex investigation to be re-opened, say Portland police

[Which is why Algore suddenly hid his assets in an LLC to protect from lawsuits.]

An investigation into claims of sexual assault by former U.S. vice president Al Gore is to be re-opened, Portland police said Wednesday.

[Once again it was the National Enquirer, NOT the MSM, which broke this story.]

The move came after the massage therapist that accused Gore of mauling her in a hotel room in late 2006 was identified as Molly Hagerty.

[Forgive Al Gore. He just needed the release of his "chakra."]

In a statement Wednesday, police officials said: "The Portland Police Bureau has made the decision to re-open the case regarding the allegations brought forward against Mr. Al Gore.

[AFTER the National Enquirer published the details. FUn Fact: Your humble correspondent once sold a story to the NE. All it took was spending a day of research at the library.]

"Consistent with our policy regarding open investigations, the Police Bureau will not be commenting on any additional specifics regarding this case at this time."

[They won't be commenting but let us now look at the DUmmie comments about Al Gore which is sort of permitted under Skinner's new GroupThink rules.]

Oh boy just in time for the elections. Coincidence?

[Are you sure the massage therapist wasn't Karl Rove?]

What's Al running for?

[He just wanted a warming of his globals.]

How is it ok for you to disrespect former Vice President Gore but no one can say one bad word about Obama?

[Why don't you ask Skinner that? He's the one who came up with the ridiculous GroupThink rules.]

It could exonerate him and show the MT for the fraud she might be

[Better check with the DNA of the vice-presidue.]

THis is just too Paula Jones for me to take seriously.

[Is that you, Bill Clinton?]

certainly she writes well for a masseuse - sounds like Rover hired a xxx novelist for the job

[Rover faxed her the script from a Kinko's in Amarillo.]

she said that her friends encouraged her to keep quiet, that they were the Birkenstock Tribe (all very liberal, including her).

[Birkenshmucks.]

I for one believe Al to be celibate

[Is that you, Tipper?]

and a pair of pant's with al's "goo" on them.

[Vice-presigoo.]

Our great former President Al Gore is not a person who would do such a thing.

[He would never lose his precious bodily fluids.]

This stinks of Rove.

[Rove paranoia continues its hilarious path in DUmmieland.]

I agree that it has Kove written all over it.

[But of course. Just hold that thought until the nurse arrives with your lithium treatment.]

I believe her entire story and effort were created by GOP operatives to tarnish Al Gore in 2006, in case he was thinking about running in 2008 for president. Preemptive action.

[The main thing "tarnished" was the massage therapist's pants.]

I wouldn't be surprised if those rethug bastards are worried Gore will run & win because of the BP gusher.

[Apparently there was an AG gusher which ended up on the therapist's pants.]

whats wrong with a LITTLE Rub and tug

[The Ben Burch Special.]