Know-it-all Nadin, "On alien life, and whether it is possible"

DUmmie nadinbrzezinski, the World's Foremost Authority, now has extended her realm of expertise to include other galaxies. Not content to stick to the Milky Way (perhaps the milk has been contaminated by radiation gas clouds), Know-it-all Nadin boldly goes where no moonbat has gone before. Here in this THREAD, The All-Knowing One condescends to gift us puny earthlings with her thoughts "On alien life, and whether it is possible."

So let us now ascend through the clouds of ignorance and enter the Mind of Nadin Brzzznzsnsszki, in Sputnik Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, wondering if we can find any intelligent life in DUmmieland--oh, and by the way, this could be the Mother of All DUFUs, in terms of length, so if you don't finish it tonight, come back tomorrow--is in the [brackets]:

On alien life, and whether it is possible

[Know-it-all Nadin is about to enlighten us with her wisdom! Let us attend!]

every time we have a story... we have the same thing... no it could not, yes it could... yada...yada... yada.

[Nadin is more than a yada, she's our Yoda!]

So let me propose a scenario... NOT BASED ON ACTUAL SCIENCE beyond the Drake Equation...

[No, of course not! Ffft! The Drake Equation, yes, of course, but NOT BEYOND IT! I mean, come on!]

as well as actual, honest to goodness... human history.

[By the way, did you know that Nadin has... A DEGREE IN HISTORY? She does! That makes her an authority on, well... EVERYTHING!]

Let's assume for a second that ET actually comes and lands in front of insert home of head of government here... you know the famous take me to your leader scenario.

[ET will land in DUmmieland and say "Take me to Head DUmmie Skinner!" No, better yet, "Take me to NADIN!"]

1.- We are NOT alone...

[1.- You ARE a loon...]

2.- yes, our lovely aliens were able to cross space time... and we have NO FRAKING idea how they did that.

[Except for Nadin. She has a fraking idea about everything.]

See this leads to this little problem... not only are we not alone, but if these aliens are NOT friendly, regardless of Independence day and good product placement... who doesn't love that Apple used to insert a virus? ACHOOO!

[Oh, Nadin, I'm beginning to see where you're going with this! You're working your magic again, you Golden Enlightener you! . . . Uh, no, actually, I have no idea what you're talking about. GESUNDHEIT!]

We really are that behind the power curve. It will be indeed like oh ... the Aztecs, still stone based civilization, trying to face the Spaniards, who used lead ball, steel and gun powder.

[It's a crisis! It's a tipping point! We've crossed the Rubicon! We're into eschatology! Oh, HELP us, Nadin! What shall we DO???]

This is why some nobodies like Hawking, have actually said that contact with aliens is not that bright of an idea.

[No, no, of course not! Whew, that was CLOSE! I was ABOUT to suggest that we DO make contact with the aliens, but then you and Hawking wisely warned us NOT to! Oh, THANK you, Nadin! You have averted a worldwide calamity of cosmic proportions!]

Now if ET happens to be friendly...

[You mean he COULD be? Why, that would CHANGE things, I imagine!]

perhaps they can use their so far more advanced technology to help us solve some of our problems, such as global warming.

[If only they would use their power for GOOD! Unlike the rethuglicans! B*st*rds!]

Oh and why would they come?

[Perhaps they need to come and consult YOU, Nadin, for advice on what to do back home. Interplanetary warming and all, you know. Radioactive death clouds from Japan. That sort of thing.]

Well intellectual curiosity comes to mind. I mean why send anthropologists to the Amazon to make contact with cultures in the depth of the Amazon? WHo knows Gliesse 589 might have a similar class...

[Other than you, Nadin. You knew about Gliesse 589 back when Hector was a pup.]

Resources, why did Cortez go to Tenochtitlan?

[To get to the other side?]

to cure that disease of his that could only be cured with Gold...

[Oh, Nadin, you supply us with COMEDY Gold! Thank you!]

The reasons for aliens to cross that ocean (assuming for a second that it is possible... and lord knows I am aware of the problems)

[You've practically written the BOOK on intergalactic space travel, Nadin! Who better than you knows the inherent difficulties? Distance, time, contaminated milk, a long way to travel, clean underwear, lack of Gliesse 589... the list goes on and on.]

This is what?

[Nadin, I have no idea what you're talking about. No FRAKING idea.]

Oh yes, so far the fodder of the science fiction writer... in space operas our aliens tend to be violent, greedy and good fodder for fiction...

[Nadin knows fodder, and fodder knows best...]

but on a more realistic matter...

[Oh, don't let REALITY enter into it!]

ET at this point will likely be of the less advanced, with perhaps two to five actual civilizations at a time that could make contact.

[Sure, that's the best guesstimate at this point. Two to five.]

Given that species on earth have an average 300,000 lifespan... the time we have to make contact is rather limited in a geological time frame...

[Let's see... 300,000 times two to five... carry the one... WOW! TIME IS RUNNING OUT!!]

On a philosophical POV tough even accepting that there is a possibility that there is life OUT THERE, means we are not that unique.. .and that life is not that unique.

[Oh, believe me, Nadin, I have no doubt WHATSOEVER that you are COMPLETELY unique!]

To some this is a threat, a philosophical threat.

[To us this is a treat, a very comical treat.]

Of course on the more humorous answers to this from the 1950s, that book is a cook book!

[What in the H*LL are you talking about, Nadin? Have you been into the cooking sherry again?]

Oh and it goes with out saying, if this scenario ever came reality...

[It goes without saying... And now, Nadin, please indulge us poor ignoramuses as we come to you now as mere supplicants with our meager bleatings, entreating you and stretching wide our aprons to catch a few crumbs from your vast table of knowledge, which I'm sure you'll jump in from time to time with which to supply us with... In other words, let's hear from the DUmmies...]

I married an alien. . . .

[Is that you, Mr. Brzezinski?]

Also, many can't even accept gay marriage. . . .

[You married a gay alien?]

imagine some trying to wrap their heads around an alien visit!

[Puny FOOLISH Earthlings! Spacists!]

if mankind was the best the universe had to offer then the universe was in deep sh*t or had a great sense of humor. . . .

[You are a fluke... of the universe... You have no right to be here... And whether you can hear it or not... the universe... is laughing behind your back...]

like a speck of sand on an extremely huge beach.

[Like a freckle on Michael Moore's behind.]

Worst, more like an atom, perhaps a quark...

[Like a quark of triage milk in Nadin's fallout shelter.]

first, aliens absolutely do exist. . . .

[Why, DUmmie qazplm, I believe you ARE one!]

the odds of us being the only place with life are, no pun intended, astronomical.

[The odds of DUmmieland being the only place with life this odd is... about even money.]

I'd assume we'd not be under any real threat, we'd be studied, examined, probably without us even knowing it.

[There would be the anal probes, of course, but I'm sure you'd get used to it, ben--heck, maybe even come to enjoy it!]

Why I mentioned the Drake Equation.

[No need to explain, Nadin, we all understand... YOUR FANATICAL NEED TO DROP IN OBSCURE TERMS AS THOUGH YOU KNEW SOMETHING!]

But every time we mention this we get the but, but...

[Back to the anal probes, I see.]

not the huge ones said to be a mile long, but the saucer shapes. . . .

[Ouch! Oh wait, you're talking about the spaceships. . . .]

I love to listen to Michio Kaku. . . .

[I love to listen to Nadin Kuku. . . .]

I suspect we will create other intelligences before we find any in space.

[Start working on that right there in DUmmieland.]

I would expect somewhat ambivalent evidence of intelligent BEMs within a century.

[I expect NO evidence of intelligent DEMs anytime soon.]

the Spitzer telescope is just the begining. . . .

[The Spitzer is unrivaled at spotting available call girls from across the Hudson.]

You are so right nadin...

[Isn't she? What a debt of gratitude we owe that woman! We are not worthy!]

The universe is so vast I think only about 20% of the population can actually grasp it...

[It's SO vast, even vaster than the vastness of that vast--it's so vast that only 20% of NADIN can grasp it!]

Go look up what it means when somebody states that a specific galaxy is 890 million light years away.

[OK, I did, and it said, "Ask Nadin."]

We are talking of 50-100 LY at much...

[There ya go! Nadin knew!]

Who says they're alien? They could be earthlings but evolved and doing backward time travel.

[Yes, that's always a possibility, of course. It goes without saying. The Drake Equation and all. . . .]

And they already flew over Washington, talked to Eisenhower, it was all on Coast to Coast...

[Sure, it all makes sense! They shave Ike's head... implant microchip... Nixon... J. Edgar Hoover... Elvis... Katrina... Connect the dots. It's all there. What FOOLS we were not to see it!]

But anyways, what is the question?

[Indeed.]

Just because you want to believe in aliens, does not make them exist.

[DUmmie provis99, YOU win today's Kewpie Doll, for this Brief Moment of Mental Clarity® that is like a lone cogent thought rattling around in Nadin's big empty skull of a thread!]

yes there is... drake equation...

[Drake Equation! Drake Equation! DUAC! DUAC! DRAKE!]

try following the xenobiology at NASA

[Try following the Xenalyte at DUFU! You have to, because she's Pingee #1! Put that in your equation and smoke it!]

By the way aliens may be as simple as bacteria.

[I hear you can use tea bags on your feet to get rid of bacteria.]

the Drake Equation is totally made up nonsense.

[Look, provis99, you already WON the Kewpie Doll! You can't win it twice in the same thread!]

One might as well assign a 1% chance that any given planet is populated by flying monkeys.

[There's a 100% chance that DUmmieland is inhabited by barking moonbats.]

You simply do not believe this is possibly and I think it is on ontological reasons... And my basis is not ontological...

[Nadin's Word of the Day, class: "Ontological." Everyone? "On-to-lo-gi-cal."]

You don't seem to understand the meaning of ontological, either.

[Come, come, provis99, you should know by now that Nadin doesn't need to UNDERSTAND big words in order to throw them around!]

Hell they are even taking a third look at Mars now, but I am sure you did not realize that either... By the way, good bye...

[To the iggy list with you, provis99! Nadin is DONE with you!]

What would we have that an advanced alien would want? Other than our creamy centers?

[The NUts! And you're it!]

Worst case scenario, they'd have mastered telepathy and could just paralyze our asses on the spot.

[ben says, "I, for one, WELCOME our alien overlords!"]

But trust me, as I thought these problems... I know I need to deal far more with the first contact from a philosophical point of view. It is not done enough.

[It needs to be more ontological, Nadin. Work on that.]

DUmmies Fear Obama Will Cave In to Republicans

Barack Obama has your back...NOT! And that is why the DUmmies are now fearing that Barack Obama will sell them out to Republicans. This means in their minds budget cuts without massive increases in taxes. The FUnniest thing here is that their THREAD, included a sellout confrontation between Congressman "Nostrils" Waxman and Obama which is described in the title, "Waxman to Obama: if you're going to cave, tell us right now." So let us now watch the DUmmies fear an Obama sellout in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, noting that community organizers are not usually very skilled in the fine art of negotiation, is in the [barackets]:

Waxman to Obama: if you're going to cave, tell us right now

[If you're going to stab us in the back...do it now!]

this is about a meeting a few weeks ago with Obama and House democrats:

The Hill

One Democrat who was there said Rep. Henry Waxman (D-Calif.) bluntly asked Obama whether he was willing to fight for Democratic priorities amid GOP calls for trillions of dollars in spending cuts.

[Only if it doesn't cut into his golf time.]

In asking the question, Waxman said he’d asked several Republicans about their White House meeting the day before and had been concerned by their response.

“To a person, they said the president’s going to cave,” Waxman told Obama, according to his colleague’s account.

[Because to extend the negotiations would cut into his golf time.]

“If you’re not going to cave, eliminating that misunderstanding is very, very important to the negotiations,” the lawmaker said, retelling Waxman’s message. “And if you’re going to cave, tell us right now.”

[Wow! This is actually some great info here I did not know about before. And upset Democrats make me HAPPY!]

Obama, however, “didn’t answer the question,” the Democrat added. “Obama got in a huff, and he said, ‘I’m the president of the United States, my words carry weight’ — which is not the answer,” the lawmaker said. “That’s not what anyone challenges. It’s whether he is doing this negotiation in the right way.”

[I am the PRESIDENT! I eat arugula! I play golf! I fly around in Air Force One! So SHUT UP!]

The White House declined to comment Monday. Waxman’s office did not dispute this account of the White House meeting, but said the lawmaker was traveling and could not be reached to comment on it.

[And now to the DUmmie reaction to Obama's impending cave...]

Is anyone surprised? Anymore?

[Nope. Budget negotiations are much too tedious for the community organizer who just wants to eat his shrimp and hit the links.]

I think we can all read Obama like a book. A very simple book. Like that "My Pet Goat" book. Even though it's still early, we can see who is going to be the goat in these negotiations.

[Baaaaaaaah!]

Why should he change now? He's demonstrated under even....less demanding circumstances that he only knows how to negotiate away, (or cave); he's never shown a spine, never shown resolute unyielding stance based on principle; he has no principles, it's all the game. Why is anyone expecting anything else. I'm sick to have to say this - but we have to face the truth.

[GASP! You dare cast aspersions of the ability of the Blessed Lightworker to conjure up miracles?]

That is what is so depressing. He squandered a majority
when he held one. Then, he empowered the conservatives, while pissing on his base. We all have come to expect one thing from this president. Given a chance to find the muddle ground, he will cave in faster than a non-union construction ditch in an Alabama mud pile.

[Obama had a supermajority in the Senate and a huge majority in the House and all he has to show for it was the political poison pill known as ObamaCare which President Bachmann is sure to terminate in 2013.]

That statement from Obama felt like a sucker punch to me.

[Delivered to all the suckers who voted for him.]

Everyone .here if you go to the whitehouse website tell Obama don't cave. He needs to hear it.

[DUAC! DUAC!]

if he does cave . . . i see a primary challenge in his future.

[Dennis Kookcinich...Tanned, rested, and READY!]

"What commercial product do you use in a way not intended?"

DUmmies are experts in using things in ways that were never intended. I mean, look at how they pay lip-service to the Constitution, even though their desire for Unlimited Big Government completely disregards the framers' original intent. Then there's their support for the Homo-American community, whose members put their "members" where they were never intended to go.

So it's no surprise that a DUmmie would post this THREAD, "What commercial product do you use in a way not intended?"

Cyberspace was never meant for moonbats, but they take up the electrons nonetheless. Well, at least they do provide us with laffs, so that's one good thing. So let us now head over to the DU Lounge, where the unintentional humor is in Bolshevik Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, wondering if PJ can give the DUmmies tips on using coupons in ways not intended, is in the [brackets]:

What commercial product do you use in a way not intended?

[What constitutional amendment do you use in a way not intended?]

Me - I have been using hair conditioner to shave with for at least a decade.

[That long? And you're still not finished? I think I'll stick with the shaving cream.]

I used tea bags to soak my feet and get rid of bacteria.

[Teabagger!]

I use beef babyfood to get my cat to eat a pill.

[So what does your baby get? Catfood?]

I use diaper rash cream to get rid of the odd sore or rash.

[Is that you, benburch?]

used to use amway laundry detergent to clean the bong. . . .

[Amway? AMWAY??? LOUSY FREEPER TROLL!!!]

I never heard of anyone ever buying an Amway product. . . .

[Your "bong" reference didn't fool us! You've been smoked out!]

I've been using Avon Cracked Heel Cream, it has a numbing agent. . . . It's a Must Have in my house for poison ivy.

[The DUmmies should use Cracked Head Cream. It's a must-have for numb skulls.]

I use vodka.

[I bet you do.]

I have had bumper crops of poison ivy (which loves climate change). . . .

[Think of all the poor baby polar bears itching away in misery! D*MN you, Bush!]

I now keep a bottle of cheap vodka in the shower so it is immediately available. . . .

[Doesn't help the poison ivy, but at least when I'm passed out drunk, I don't notice it as much.]

Kerosene and gasoline work, too. . . .

[I would think they'd be a little hard on the stomach, but, hey, whatever works for you. . . .]

I've heard old farmers tell about rinsing themselves off with either one after running into a patch of poison ivy.

[Just be careful about lighting up the old bong at that point.]

Here's something else that's crazy: I've run hot water over an outbreak to stop the the itching. It sends a tingle through my whole body.

[Is that you, Chris Matthews?]

Mayonnaise to polish the furniture--gets rid of water spots. . . .

[The really hard spots have to go to the Mayo Clinic.]

I've used Coke cans to make pipes.

[You've also used pipes to smoke coke.]

I use tampons to clean out my ears.

[T M I !!!]

I've used tampons in the summer in some folds of skin to prevent sweating.

[ben, you have so many folds in your skin, you must buy 'em by the pallet!]

I give Fisher Price toys to my female dog. . . .

[The b*tch.]

she loves to press the buttons and she is like Stephen Hawking crossed with a DJ. She can make it skip from one track to another and say things like: "I love....Lamb!" It also plays the sound of a barking dog. . . .

[But can it do a barking moonbat?]

When we had a dog, he would kill to play with racket balls. . . .

[Lost a lot of racquetball players that way. Buried 'em in the back yard.]

"Hand" lotion.

[Yes, we know, ben!]

Liquid Nails.

[Do you have to buy a Liquid Hammer?]

Polident denture cleaning tabs. I use them to clean my teapot!

[Another teabagger!]

Vacuum cleaner.

[Don't . . . want . . . to know.]

DUmmie kentuck says, "Let's talk about Republicans."

DUmmie kentuck hates Republicans. I mean, he really, REALLY hates Republicans. He thinks we want to throw Grandma out on the street so we can give tax breaks to billionaires. So from time to time--like from now until . . . now--DUmmie kentuck feels a need to let loose with his hate, and he wants others to join in. Thus he posts this THREAD, "Let's talk about Republicans."

So let us see kentuck and the DUmmies work up a frothing good hatefest, in Bolshevik Red, while the cool, calm, and collected commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, who believes in love, love, love, is in the [brackets]:

Let's talk about Republicans.

[Let's HATE on Republicans! OOOH, HOW I HATE THEM SOOOO!!!!!]

I really don't know how they can look at themselves in the mirror?

[We're vampires. We can't see ourselves anyway, so why bother?]

Or how they can sleep at night?

[We're up all night and only get back in our coffins just before daybreak.]

Anybody that would throw Grandma out on the street and take away her health insurance - just so they can give a tax break to a billionaire -

[Yep, that's it! You smoked us out! We want to kick Grandma to the curb and take away her bridge money and give it to C. Montgomery Burns. We hold secret meetings where we plan all this out.]

. . . is lower than whale sh*t, and that is at the bottom of the ocean.

[Democratic Underground vs. Republican Underwater Whale Sh*t.]

Anybody so unpatriotic that they would hold our government hostage to get these tax cuts is not worthy of being in "government". Would you ever marry a person that you hate?

[Republicans are not worthy to marry Mrs. IRS.]

Republicans hate our government. It is something to be destroyed.

[Actually, DUmmie kentuck, we just want to downsize our government back to where it's supposed to be. It is something to be LIMITED.]

It is something to be drowned in a bathtub.

[How did we get from the bottom of the ocean into a bathtub?]

But what should we think about people that would vote for these low-lifes?

[OOOH, they're LOWER than the low-lifes who live at the bottom of the ocean beneath the whale sh*t!!]

The truth be known, they are in need of psychiatric help. . . . They deserve to be in an institution. . . .

[OOOH, they're driving me CRAZY!!!!! To the FUnnie Farm with them!]

There is no need to be nice to them. They hate Grandma.

[GRANDMA-HATERS!!! EVIL EVIL EVIL!!! KILL THE BEAST!]

It's time to call them out.

[DUmmie kentuck, Mr. Internet Tough Guy, CALLS OUT the evil Republicans . . . on a Democrat-only forum . . . where Republicans are not allowed. Such courage! . . . Now let's see how many Republicans are called out and culled out and/or how many DUmmies join in kentuck's hatefest . . .]

Sure, some may be the psychotic low lifes that you describe, but most are our neighbours, our workmates and our families.

[THEY LIVE AMONG US! Rat them out! Call them out! Pull their human-like "skin" off them and expose them for the invasive species they are!]

many did give a chance to Mr. Obama, they voted hoping he might be different. But of course he is not. . . .

["Mr. Obama" too is an alien in disguise, a crypto-rethug!]

HAHAHAHAHA, Right, Convert Greedy, Non Thinking, Bigots. that will happen right after santa comes down the chimney.

[HAHAHAHAHA, you sleigh me!]

Many hide behind the screen of being a nice neighbor and good religious, but turn around and vote to give our money to the rich and not the poor.

[You know, maybe, just maybe, we vote to let people keep their own money and not have it taken from them and given to others.]

About 80% of the people I know are Republicans. The overwhelming majority of them are wonderful people that truly want the best for the people of this world. They have different views on how to make the world a better place. Many believe that individual charity is more effective than government safety nets.

[DUmmie FreeJoe (196 posts), YOU win the Kewpie Doll for this Brief Moment of Mental Clarity®! Unless you are a--oh, I don't know--a LOUSY FREEPER TROLL!!!]

Sometimes people think they are so smart and they can troll and unrec to their hearts content and no one will ever know. They can do it for years.

[Or for 196 posts, whichever comes first.]

It appears that you are calling me a troll. I'm not.

[Ah, so you DENY IT! That PROVES it!]

they are not demons who despise grandma and want to through her off the bus.

[They are demons who despise grandma and want to throw her into the OCEAN!]

F*** them and everything they stand for. And f*** any Democrat who thinks you can "reach out" to them or "compromise" with them.

[Would you ever f*** a person that you hate?]

REPUBLICAN B*ST*RDS ! .... There, I spoke my peace. . . .

[MAKE WAR, NOT PEACE!]

The first time I said it I almost got hit by a republican bastard who was carrying a clipboard. . . . I called him a REPUBLICAN B*ST*RD, and he was right in my face taking my picture with his cell phone. He said I was going to be turned "in to the authorities." I sure hope they make me "the authorities", I replied, The first thing I would do is put your stupid ass in jail." I don't think he was bright enough to catch my play on words. "turned in to" vs "turned into"

[You are SOOOO clever! Man, you showed him!]

"Come out, come out, wherever you are..." You low-life sons-of-b*tches.

[Once again DUmmie kentuck CALLS OUT the Republicans lurking in DUmmieland!]

Republicans are unpatriotic. Why do they hate America? Clearly they do hate America.

[Clearly you hate Republicans, DUmmie Enthusiast. DUmmie Enthusiast is DUmmie kentuck's main acolyte on this thread.]

Help me communicate this fact to everyone you know. Republicans, in fact, ARE lower than whale sh*t.

[It's a FACT! Go down to the bottom of the ocean, lift up a piece of whale sh*t, and there you will find a Republican! They live down there! Communicate this!]

If only they could be exposed to an alternate explanation for the reality they embrace. . . . For example, just imagine if they didn't believe deregulation and tax cuts were the only answers for every problem that the nation faces.

[I've got it! Once we insitutionalize them, we lobotomize them! Take out the right side of their brains! Rewire their circuits! Then they'll be passive peaceful progressives like us!]

Oh my...

[Is that you, franksolich?]

people sit here and believe that calling them out, confronting them, etc., will change Republicans' minds.

[It sometimes works in the bouncies.]

If they're not going to change their minds, how does that translate to actually getting anything accomplished?

[Hey, it makes us feel good, here in our echo chamber.]

You know, not everything Republicans believe is garbage.

[LOUSY FREEPER TROLL!!!]

I will admit that this post uses a different tact. It's purpose is to piss off Republicans and to draw a few trolls out of the woodwork, which I think it did.

[Which it did . . . not. It didn't piss off Republicans, it just gave them something to laff at!]

It is meant to be a verbal 2x4 up the side of the head.

[It turned out to be a verbal chopstick in a bowl of Egg DUFU Young.]

Many ideologues no longer consider their political opponents to be people with different ideas and philosophies. Nowadays, they are evil, low-life monsters who want to kick our dogs, kill our grandmothers and end the American way of life.

[How did you know? Who told you? Have you been eavesdropping on our meetings?]

I think you're a troll. . . .

[THE TROLL FROM THE BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN!]

Let me be more clear. If you are a Republican reading this....Screw you! You traitorous, unpatriotic, greedy piece of sh*t.

[Greedy piece of WHALE sh*t!]

I have no Republican friends.

[I believe you.]

Perpetrator of Rove Indictment Hoax Lectures Clarence Thomas on Ethics

Who is the person LEAST QUALIFIED to lecture Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas on the subject of ethics? It would have to be that DUmmie fraudster best known for perpetrating the Karl Rove indictment hoax "scoop," known as WILLIAM RIVERS PITT. However, Pitt conveniently forgets his ethically challenged past as a fraudster as well as his history of posting violent fantasies to claim that Thomas is lacking in ethics as you can see in the Fraudster's THREAD, "Clarence Thomas Must Go - my argument." Yeah, and before you start lecturing Justice Thomas, how about if you MAN UP and accept responsibility for the FRAUD you perpetrated about that May 12, 2006 "indictment?" The closest Pitt ever came was his whining and voluminous partial birth NON-APOLOGY chock full of self pity. Cowardly Pitt NEVER took responsibility for his fraud yet he now blasts the ethics of Justice Thomas. So let us now watch Mr. Fitzmas take his shots at Clarence Thomas in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, wondering if Pitt ever lectured his convicted co-author on the subject of ethics, is in the [brackets]:

Ethics is knowing the difference between what you have a right to do and what is right to do. - Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart

[Ethics is knowing that one should APOLOGIZE for perpetrating a journalistic HOAX.]

For the sake of full disclosure, I will tell you that I do not like Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas.

[For the sake of full disclosure don't forget to tell us WHO perpetrated the Karl Rove indictment hoax.]

In my opinion, he has no business sitting on the high court after the reprehensible treatment he forced Anita Hill to endure, and has been a disgrace to the bench lo these last twenty years.

[This from the same angry DUmmie who threatened physical violence on a homeless woman known as Bobo the Hobo.]

Anthony Weiner, one of Clarence Thomas' most ardent critics, was just run out of Washington DC on a rail for behavior far less offensive; Mr. Thomas is lucky there was no such thing as Twitter when he was sexually harassing Hill, or he'd be chasing ambulances outside of muni court like the hack he is.

[Maybe Weiner can join you on the Bukowski's sidewalk chasing imaginary drunks.]

He sits up there like a lump, never speaking or offering questions to petitioners, and has not had an original thought since his shameful Senate approval.

[And YOU sat there like a lump staring at Jason Leopold's zipper while he fed you Karl Rove indictment BS which you unquestionably swallowed.]

But his vapid intellectual presence on the bench is only a small part of the story. Mr. Thomas has, by all appearances, turned his position on the court into a license to print money for himself, his family, and a few choice friends.

[Someone who was so gullible as to place his cojones into Jason Leopold's hands questions Thomas' intelligence?]

Conservative corruption is nothing new in Washington, but Mr. Thomas has taken the practice to bold new heights, and finally, people are beginning to sit up and take notice. Thomas has been playing fast and loose with judicial ethics for a long time now, and though Supreme Court Justices are not technically beholden to judicial rules of ethics, his behavior has become so egregious as to warrant deep attention, and in my opinion, removal from the high court.

[Thus spaketh the "ethical hero" of Fitzmas Past.]

Justice Thomas is in possession of a gorgeous bust of Abraham Lincoln, which was cast in 1914 by the noted sculptor Adolph Alexander Weinman. The bust was given as a gift to Thomas in 2001 by Christopher DeMuth, president of the notoriously right-wing American Enterprise Institute. The value of the bust was $15,000. In the intervening years, AEI has filed briefs on three separate occasions regarding cases before the high court, and on each occasion, Thomas has ruled in their favor, often going beyond the scope they were seeking.

[Pitt pitifully attempts to "bust" Clarence Thomas. Speaking of busts, how is your busted co-author doing? Are you going to visit him in jail, Will, to trade notes?]

Thomas has attended fundraisers sponsored by the Koch Brothers in support of far-right media outlets, think tanks and groups. His habit of openly supporting right-wing causes has earned him an enormous amount of financial largesse from heavy-hitting right-wing donors, most notoriously Mr. Harlan Crow, who helped finance the "swift-boating" of John Kerry in the 2004 presidential election. Crow financed a library project dedicated to Thomas, and gave Thomas' wife $500,000 to create a Tea Party group that has since been throwing its weight all around the country. Crow, it should be noted, is a trustee of AEI, which gave Thomas that bust of Lincoln.

[The only bust that could sway your humble correspondent would be the bust that belongs to Playboy Playmate Petra Verkaik.]

The list of his brazen improprieties runs long, but the real show centers around his wife, Ginni. Harlan Crow's massive donation allowed her to create Liberty Central (and later Liberty Consulting), an advocacy group dedicated to the overthrow of President Obama's health care reform legislation. The conflict of interest inherent in this - given that Mr. Obama's health care legislation will certainly appear in some form before the Supreme Court - is manifest. The high court's decision in Citizens United, which Thomas voted in favor of, has opened the financial floodgates for groups like Liberty Central, so Thomas' family appears to be reaping wonderful monetary gains from that decision. And there is the fact that Thomas failed to disclose nearly a million dollars of income earned by his wife, and brushed off that failure to disclose with an "Oops, didn't understand the paperwork" excuse.

[I know of several Newton schoolgirls that were reaping wonderful monetary gains from checks written to buy their silence.]

Given the simple, unavoidable fact that Mr. Thomas is bereft of both shame and a code of personal ethics, it is highly unlikely he will resign, especially if his wife is raking in the cash thanks to his decisions.

[So WHEN did you ever APOLOGIZE for the shame and lack of personal ethics in perpetrating the Rove indictment hoax?]

In that event, the final remedy of impeachment must be deployed. The Supreme Court must not be a place for partisan political fundraising or friendly-donor back-slapping. It is the place of last recourse in our system of laws, and must be as far above reproof as can be humanly managed. Clarence Thomas is an embarrassment to the ideals of our system of government, and must go. He can choose to leave, or be removed by Constitutional remedy, but his time on the bench must be concluded.

[If you had taken a break from your Newton schoolyard and checked out the library for a change, you would have found out that Congress must impeach. The chances of them now impeaching Clarence Thomas ranks somewhere between nil and none. Of course, your REAL purpose is to keep Justice Thomas from voting on the constitutionality of ObamaCare.]

He and Ginni will just have to go find honest work like everyone else.

[What sort of work would you suggest, Will? Pounding a 10 square foot patch of pavement in front of Bukowski's or pitching journalistic hoaxes? And now to the DUmmie Peanut Gallery...]

Clarence Thomas never should have been installed in the first place.

[Wasn't Clarence Thomas installed on May 12, 2006 via a sealed indictment?]

He was lying in his hearing even before Anita Hill showed up.

[So WHEN will Pitt apologize for his LIES?]

Great job, as usual, Will

[As terrific as his Fitzmas job?]

Excellent piece, as usual, Will. Your work is much appreciated.

[Yes, we really appreciate the astounding level of hypocrisy.]

Alan Grayson posts "Green Lantern" rant for KOmmies

Fatter than a pile of bullsh*t . . .
More powerful than a loco moonbat . . .
Able to heap all bad things in a single Bush . . .

Look! Up on the screen!
It's a blog! It's a prog!
No, it's . . . GRAY RANTER!

Yes, GRAY RANTER, strange visitor to the Daily KOs, who comes to KOmmieland with powers of insanity far beyond those of moron man, and who, disguised as Alan "Dick" Grayson, ill-mannered one-term representative from Outlandish, Florida, fights a never-ending battle for speaking TRUTH to POWER in an EMBARRASSING WAY!

That's right, folks, defeated proggie icon Alan Grayson has just posted a stupid leftist rant (redundant, I know) over in KOmmieland, in this THREAD, "Green Lantern." Grayson hops on the current Green Lantern movie to haul out a bit of obscure dialogue from a Green Lantern comic book from 40 years ago, in order to launch into a political rant against Rethuglicans. Grayson must also be the Elongated Man, because that's quite a stretch.

Grayson uses the comic book dialogue to get into his political rant, but the FUnnie thing is, most of the KOmmie KOmmenters then spend their time talking about all sorts of Green Lantern minutiae INSTEAD OF Grayson's political point! Grayson was looking for responses from Thoughtful Progressive Person, but instead he got Comic Book Guy! Hee! Hee!

So let us now join GRAY RANTER and the KOmic Book KOmmies, today in Green Lantern Green, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson--wondering if GRAY RANTER needs a sidekick, another ex-congressman who likes to wear tights and a cape--is in the [brackets]:

Green Lantern
by Alan Grayson

[GRAY RANTER
by Alan "Dick" Grayson]

The movie Green Lantern opened on Friday, to mixed reviews.

[The moonbat Alan Grayson lost in November, to sighs of relief.]

Maybe the reviews would have been better if the movie had included this powerful exchange, from Green Lantern #76:

African-American Man: I’ve been readin’ about you . . . How you work for the blue skins . . . and how on a planet someplace you helped out the orange skins . . . and you done considerable for the purple skins! Only there’s skins you never bother with – the black skins! I want to know . . . how come?! Answer me that, Mr. Green Lantern!

Green Lantern: I . . . can’t . . . .

[Grayson quotes a piece of dialogue from a Green Lantern comic book from 1970, the first issue in the "new direction." Under a new head writer, Green Lantern got "social relevance," and thus became boring and pedantic. DC goes PC. But little Alan, an 11-year-old insufferable brat at the time, probably thought it was cool.]

I may never have the chance to talk to George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, or any of the other Masters of the Universe who led and misled our country for eight long years. Nor may I ever have the chance to speak to Sarah Palin, Newt Gingrich, Rush Limbaugh, or any of the other savage right-wing loons who want to finish the job that Bush et al. started. But if I could, I might say:

Me: I’ve been readin’ about you . . . How you work for multinational corporations like Big Oil. . . . And how you say you built all those roads and schools and bridges in some country in Asia. And in some other country in the Middle East someplace you got rid of some dictator. Only there’s one country you never bother with – America! I want to know . . . how come?! Answer me that, Mr. Flag-Waiving Patriot!

Them: I . . . can’t . . . .

[Notice how GRAY RANTER spells "Flag-Waving" as "Flag-Waiving," thus revealing his true colors.]

For a generation now, we have seen the heartless, callous erosion and destruction of all the things that make you a member of the middle class in America:

A job.

A home.

A car.

The chance to see a doctor when you are sick.

A pension or retirement account.

Social Security and Medicare.

[Hey, GRAY RANTER, maybe you should take on THE CHOKER, aka BIG GOVERNMENT, the real DC villain who taxes and spends half our money, drives jobs away, and loads heavy burdens on our backs. Whose side are you on, anyway?]

And we’ve seen them replaced by endless war, falling home values, no pensions, lower wages, and now what Karl Marx called a “reserve army of the unemployed” – to keep wages down forever.

[Like the Karl Marx quote there, GRAY RANTER. Nice touch. We see where you're coming from.]

Even after only two years in office, as one out of 435 in the House, I can point to a lot of things that I did to . . .

[. . . embarrass myself and my party to no end, which led to our humiliating defeat last November.]

I look at our so-called leaders on the other side of the aisle, and I see nothing like that. Only a perverse delight in eliminating programs that help my fellow Americans in need.

[FRANKly, I think the Democrats have cornered the market on perverse delight.]

The next time you see one of them -- at a town hall meeting, in their plush offices, or just on the street – ask them this: “What have you done to help the people? Answer me that!”

If they’re honest, they’ll say what Green Lantern said: “I can’t.”

In brightest day,
In blackest night,
No evil shall escape my sight.
Let those who worship evil’s might,
Beware my power: Green Lantern’s Light.

[Come, KOmmie Kid
And DUmmie Ant,
For social justice we must chant!
Let those who answer that they can't
Beware my power: Gray Ranter's rant!]

[Thank you, GRAY RANTER. Now let's see how well the point of your article registered with Thoughtful Progressive Person . . .]

The best Green Lantern was in the animated Justice League. Hawkgirl was also awesome.

[Uh, I'm not sure that's exactly the POINT. . . .]

Hal Jordan is the best Green Lantern. No one else comes close.

[Jordan RULES!]

Alan Scott for me! The very FIRST Green Lantern. . . .

[What about Alan Grayson? He's the Gray Ranter, you know.]

Gotta say I'm a big fan of The Tick. . . .

[What about The Dick, Alan "Dick" Grayson?]

That being said, I must admit that I was unimpressed by the preview I saw of "Green Lantern" a couple of weeks ago. The trailer for "Captain America," OTOH, looked really cool.

[Alan Grayson is more impressed by Capitan Venezuela.]

John *is* the best Green Lantern but he was best in Mosaic, not in JLA (or the current comics). I'll take John the architect over John the Marine any day.

[What was Grayson saying in his post . . . back there . . . somewhere. . . ?]

That's the Green Lantern named John Stewart (oddly enough), and he wasn't just on TV. He's one of four (maybe five, if you count the cetacean from an alternate future--or six, if you count the Golden Age...sheesh, it's complicated) Green Lanterns from Earth. The others are Hal Jordan (whom Ryan Reynolds fails to portray accurately or adequately in the movie), Guy Gardner and Kyle Raynor. I'm a fan from way back, even before the original Crisis. And I've always thought the John Stewart Green Lantern was the baddest of GL bad-asses. Next movie (as if!), they should give the ring to him.

[Comic Book Guy has arrived.]

i honestly didnt care much for green latern until i saw justice league and that character, much like sisko I always seem to like the "black" versions of a popular character.

[Once you've had black. . . .]

Mr. Grayson. Come to Indiana, there are some way-under-cover progressives here (we need your outstanding honesty and courage to speak the truth). Perhaps there will be a future opportunity to vote for you (sigh).

[Speak truth to power in Indiana, Alan! Grayson for mayor of Gary!]

I might still have a copy of that issue from the Neal Adams period. I'll have to check.

[We're back to the comic book again.]

Oh noes.... Tipped and rec'd, of course, but..........I hate to see a quote from Karl Marx, here, in an otherwise slam dunk campaign letter from a slam dunk guy. Alan Grayson does NOT need this kind of "help".

[That'll leave some Marx.]

Eventually supplanted by Kyle Raynor. The GL who can acknowledge his own fear, and therefore helps to reboot the Corps when a Parallax possessed Hal Jordan destroys Oa. This leads directly into the Lantern Wars, where Hal Jordan elects to become the White Lantern powered by Life rather than Willpower, and the most absolutist Human GL (whose name eludes me) becomes a Red Lantern powered by Rage (much like Sinestro before him, when his authoritarian streak overpowers him, he betrays the GL philosophy entirely). I believe Kyle is then a Green after that point, and John Stewart becomes a Blue Lantern (powered by Hope, I sh*t you not).

[I sh*t you not!]

No, no, NO! Hal Jordan became infected by Paralax, the yellow light of fear and destroyed the Green Lantern Corps. Kyle Rayner became the new and, for a while, last Green Lantern. Then he rebooted the GL Corps and Hal Jordan returned to life after The Spectre possessed him to purge his soul of Paralax. Then came the Sinestro Corp war, where Sinestro created a counter-corps to the GL Corps based on the yellow light of fear. Hal Jordan briefly possessed a yellow ring of fear during this time. Then came Blackest Night/the War of Light, where in addition to the green and yellow corps, the red corps of rage, orange corps or green, blue corps or hope, indigo corps of compassion and violent corps of love all rose up. As well as the Black corps of death, powered by the force of death itself. Hal Jordan and Sinestro both briefly possessed the white light of life, but relinquished it because they couldn't handle it. Kyle Rayner also became infected by Paralax, like Hal did. Guy Gardner, the 3rd Green lantern, was forced to wear a Red Ring, which controls Rage. But he was eventually purged of the red ring on the planet Mogo, which is a living planet and also a member of the Green Lantern Corps. After THAT, the War of the Green Lanterns occurred (and it ongoing right now). A fallen Gaurdian named Krona infected the entire GL Corps with yellow light, and only Hal, Kyle, Guy and John Stewart, as well as Ganthet, a former Guardian himself, were able to avoid the yellow light, since they'd all previously experienced it and built up a defense against it. Because of this, they couldn't use their rings, so they took on other power rights. Hal once again has taken on the yellow ring. Kyle is the blue ring of hope. Guy is back to the red ring of rage and John is the indigo ring of compassion. I think as of the most recent issue, they managed to purge the green central power battery of the yellow infection and have restored most of the GL Corps to it's sanity. AND THAT'S WHERE THINGS STAND RIGHT NOW.

[AND THAT'S WHERE THINGS STAND RIGHT NOW, ALAN! Aren't you GLAD you posted your thoughtful rant against Republicans here in KOmmieland? Really worked, didn't it, Gray Ranter?]

The Bouncy of Bouncies: "My grocery store smackdown."

OK, gang, I'm going to do a DUbble-DUFU today, just simply because this may be the Best Bouncy of All Time, and I want to post it in case it gets flushed down the Memory Hole. You remember what a "Bouncy" is, don't you? It is a (supposedly) real-life experience posted by a DUmmie, in which the DUmmie bravely stands up to a rethuglican, confronting and/or converting the rethug, usually at a family gathering or a retail store, the posting of which is followed by lots of "Attaboys!" and "You're my hero!" Of course, these bouncies are highly "embellished" at best, if not completely fictitious. The gullible DUmmies fall for them, though, and the bouncies make for some of our favorite DUFUs.

Well, lo and behold, one of the DUmmies has now posted the Mother of All Bouncies. It is SOOO over the top, with just about every single element of your typical bouncy in it, that it just HAS to be satire! It is posted by DUmmie Dreamer Tatum, who is not a noob--over 1000 posts--but either is having FUn with his fellow DUmmies or is a . . . LOUSY FREEPER TROLL! We find this Bouncy of Bouncies here in this THREAD, "My grocery store smackdown."

DUmmie Dreamer Tatum has out-DUFUed the DUFUs! And so I will post his OP in its entirety, followed by a few comments by the other DUmmies--some of whom smoked out the satire and enjoyed it, while others took umbrage at being mocked. Follow the comments in Bouncy Ballshevik Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, still LOLing, is in the [brackets]:

My grocery store smackdown.

So, I needed a couple of breakfast items, and I live in the reddest part of the reddest city in the reddest state in the United States. I mean, it's nothing but McMansions, giant trucks, an late-model German sedans where I live, all with vile bumperstickers, Truck Nutz, and everything you'd expect from a culture that values gain over everything and everyone else. I would move, of course, but then they would win, and I have to stay here. I have to stay to stick it to them.

Myself, I drive a paid-off 2005 Prius, and I used to get intimidated in traffic all the time. That was until it dawned on me that all the truck drivers were compensating for incredibly small penises. When one of them cuts me off in traffic, which is to say, ALL the time, I just hold up my thumb and forefinger about a quarter inch apart so they can see it in their rear-view mirrors. I can't tell you the number of trucks that pull over immediately when I do that. They know exactly what I'm referring to, and it shames them every time.

Anyway, I need some tofu and wheat germ for my usual breakfast, so I walk into the store at about seven AM. It's packed full of people headed to work. Ordinarily, I'd feel sorry for them, but the volume or giant trucks and German cars in the lot just made me feel glad that I work from home as a consultant to businesses that generate green, sustainable energy from composted hemp and edamame husks. While I walked to the cooler where the tofu is kept, I noticed a long line of angry-looking people at the donut counter. They were mostly fat and baggy-faced, almost demanding that their donuts be boxed immediately so they could get on the road and cut off other people while they waited for Rush Limbaugh to come on. I chuckled and thought, 'enjoy your donuts, along with the diabetes and colon cancer, you freeptards. You don't even want single-payer, you idiots.'

The checkout line was long. Even though there are always a lot of people in that store, they never have enough checkstands open. This is probably because the store manager wants to save payroll so he gets a bigger bonus, because I know he sees all the expensive cars in his lot and it kills him. I'll never forget the time I overheard him tell a stocker that he needed to clock out before he hit overtime, but that didn't mean he could go home, because the beer cooler needed to be stocked before the football game the next day. Then he told the kid, "And if I hear that union bullshit from you one more time, you're fired."

Anyway, I'm standing behind this behemoth guy with a giant tattoo on his bicep that I can't make out. He's a typical suburban rethuglican: tall and fat, with enormous love handles. As he turned slightly, I was not surprised to see that his tattoo was of a giant Ayn Rand. Seriously: an Ayn Rand tattoo. There is a RW tattoo parlor here that advertises them on hate radio, and it's the latest thing in rethug fashion. Behind me, meanwhile, is a guy in a knockoff Zegna suit and fake Chanel sunglasses (I know knockoffs when I see them, even though I pretty much make all of my own clothes from hemp. When you make your own stuff, you can spot fakes easily.) I noticed also that the guy in front of me has his keys on a belt clip, and of course there is a giant clump of padlock keys next to a Ford key. He also has a keychain fob that I can make out as a long quote from Milton Friedman, which I'm sure this dickhead thinks is just the greatest thing since sliced bread.

Anyway, the guy in front of us trying to pay is an immigrant worker from Mexico. I know this because some mornings I sit outside the store with him as he waits for some of the assholes in giant trucks to offer him a day's labor. My Spanish is just a little shaky, but I can understand it pretty well from the downloads I get of Caracas news stations. His name is Isidro, and he's even given me a nickname: Ben Dayho. I don't know if there's a sidekick from Mexican folk tales named Ben Dayho, or what, but I like it, and he lights up whenever I walk up to him and say, "Hola, Isidro! Es mi, Ben Dayho!" Seems to make his day, which is the least I can do.

Isidro is buying an agua fresca, which is a fruit drink, and an apple. Or at least he's trying to buy it, because there is some confusion at the register. The whole thing usually costs a dollar even, and Isidro is trying to give a crumpled bill to the cashier. But I can see from the register screen (which has a picture-in-picture of Fox News playing, naturally) that the price is now $1.10, and evidently Isidro doesn't understand. The cashier, who this whole time has been winking at the guy with the Ayn Rand tattoo, keeps yelling, "NO! MAS!" And I see Isidro turning beet red, not knowing what to do, surrounded by all these evil people leering at him. The irony is that besides me, Isidro has the most healthful purchase...everyone else has what I call Freeper Chow: donuts, sugared sodas, even beer.

I excuse myself and attempt to give Isidro the extra dime so we can all get going, but before I can, the massive truck-driving asshole in front of me says, "Whoa, son. See this tattoo? She says we shouldn't be helping each other. This meskin guy is on his own. And he should be - he looks illegal as hell to me, anyway." The cashier winked at the guy again, and my blood started a fast boil. The guy behind me pretty much put the icing on the cake when he said, "You guys are holding up the line. Do you know how much money I make? If you can't afford whatever it is you're trying to buy, just put it down and be satisfied with whatever you stuffed into your pants anyway. I work at Goldman Sachs. Won't be long before we own this store, but for now, hurry the f*ck up. My bonus is on the line, and that Benz out there ain't free. But you'll never know that." He jingled his keys as though he was making his point even more.

I cleared my throat with a loud AHEM and said, "Let me tell you something. Your savior may be Ayn Rand, but I doubt you're capable of reading page one of that republican wet dream rag, and that's saying something, because it would take a thousand Rands to equal one Gabriel Garcia Marquez on his WORST day. (I used Marquez because I thought Isidro might recognize the name, him being Mexican and all, and I wanted to be sure that I picked a Nobel Prize winner. My other choice was Gunther Grass, but that might have been too symbolic for the freeper and the cashier.) And as for not helping, well, that attitude is what got us where we are now as a country, not to mention thieves like you (I said that as I turned on my heel and pointed to the guy behind me.). As for you ' - I pointed at the cashier - 'you should be looking out for guys like him. Since you aren't unionized, thanks to your manager here, you're one missing dollar short of sitting on that same sidewalk outside. That's how things are these days. And none of this is sustainable. We're losing rainforest. The seas are rising. Ice caps are melting. Bank of America is foreclosing on people who haven't been born yet. Education has been slashed to the degree that students use gum wrappers for textbooks. Our infrastructure is crumbling. There hasn't been a decent movie since V is for Vendetta. And I. Blame. You."

I flipped a dime to Isidro, who caught it in midair and slammed it down on the counter. I dropped the tofu and wheat germ on the floor, kicking off my latest boycott. I looked at the store manager and said, "Don't worry - you'll have your pick of monster trucks soon, because assholes like everyone in this line will be selling theirs soon to make a single house payment. Except Mr. Goldman here: oil is falling, and so will he be, from a tall building, because of his losses."

A slow, faint clapping rose from the back of the line, which gathered into a crescendo of raucous applause. As I walked out, I saw the men on either side of me bow their heads, and the giant freeper clasped his hand over his Ayn Rand tattoo in shame. The Goldman guy had dialed his cell and was clearly describing me to someone on the other line; it would probably get rough later. Not that I'm not accustomed to cracking some Blackwater skulls. As I walked out, Isidro looked up at me with bright, shining eyes and simply said, "Gracias. Gracias, Ben Dayho. Muy Ben Dayho." I have never been so proud as to be given a nickname by a new friend.

I'm writing all of this as I'm waiting for the news truck to show up. As I calmly walked out of the store with my tofu and wheat germ, a woman in sweats ran up from behind me, begging me to wait. When I turned and saw her face, without makeup, I assumed that she was just a victim of domestic violence, ie, the wife of one of the rethugs I'd just left agape in the store. It wouldn't be the first time I helped the battered wife of a truck-driving needledick rethug see a better way in life. It turns out, though, that she was a local news anchor who was just buying some milk. I didn't recognize her because I got rid of my television years ago. She gave me her card and told me she'd witnessed the entire thing, and she wanted to run a story on me one night this week. I told her, "Look, Mindy, there are a million other people in this town that deserve a news story more than me. But I'll do it, if for no other reason than to let people in this town know that the tide is turning." She took her card back from me, turned it over, and wrote a phone number on the back. She said it was her personal cell number, and I should call her sometime. I told her I'd consider it, but only if she dyed her hair a different shade of Fox Anchor Blonde. She winked and said she suddenly realized she needed to go back into the store for something she forgot.

I swear this happened.

[BRAVO!!!!!! LOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!]

meh. No organic drum circles. Sounds fake.

[But accurate!]

I'm always amazed at how much dialog people remember for postings like this

[It's essential to the genre!]

Thank you. I laughed so hard at this, I had to get up and get a Kleenex for the water running from my eyes. I haven't laughed so hard in a long time.

[A DUmmie with a sense of humor! Good on ya!]

ibtl

[A DUmmie WITHOUT a sense of humor.]

Locking. Deemed to be a post mocking another DU post.

[Locking. Mocking. But THANK YOU, DUmmie Dreamer Tatum, for this ROCKING Bouncy!]

NUtroots Nation KOmmies not so wild about Barry

So the KOmmies of Daily Kos just held their annual NUtroots Nation convention this past weekend. This one was held in Minneapolis. Just think: Five years ago, NUtroots Nation was held in Las Vegas, where potential presidential candidates hosted fancy soirées for the KOmmies, complete with chocolate fountains and impressive ice sculptures. Now this year, the KOmmies are in Minneapolis, they're stuck with Obama, and no one is lining up to buy their votes. How the mighty have fallen! From chocolate fountains to lutefisk. From ice sculptures to ice fishing. And worst of all, from Obamassiah to Bush Lite.

The sad reality for the KOmmies is that they are stuck with Obama. And even though BO is the most liberal president we've ever had, he's still not prog enough for the KOmmies (single-payer healthcare, homo marriage, hypertaxing the rich, ending the wars--your basic Socialist Utopia). And so they want to gripe about it. But Team Obama doesn't really care. They know their little sheep will line up at the polls and dutifully cast their Democrat votes. But, to mollify the little leftist turds, they send a spokesflunkie to Minneapolis--to make the case for Obammie, and to make the KOmmies think the White House is actually listening to them. HA HA!

And so it was that designated spokespflunkie Dan Pfeiffer came to the hot seat in Minneapolis, to be interviewed by Assistant Head KOmmie Kaili Joy Gray. Wow. A surrogate for President Obama, being interviewed by a surrogate for Head KOmmie Markos Mousetits. A far cry from the glory days of Las Vegas!

Well, Pfailed Pflunkie Pfeiffer was not well received, let's put it that way. The disgruntled KOmmies let him hear it, even booing at times. But what does he care? What, are they gonna vote for Michele Bachmann? Get real. They're stuck with BO, and everybody knows it.

We read about it here in this THREAD, "NN11 LIVE: A Conversation with White House Communications Director Dan Pfeiffer."

So let us journey to NUtroots Nation, where the KOmmie KOmments are in Bolshevik Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, breathlessly awaiting The Return of Keith Olbermann tonight on Current TV, is in the [brackets]:

NN11 LIVE: A Conversation with White House Communications Director Dan Pfeiffer

[NUtroots LIVID: A Snow Job by White House Spokespflunkie Dan Pfeiffer]

What time does it start?

[The bombing begins in five minutes.]

Kaili is doing her best, trying to be tough, but Pfeiffer's having his way with her.

[Uh, you may want to rephrase that.]

From where I'm sitting, this guy's getting pwned. Her bemused moments of silence hurt more than screaming would. I feel sorry for him and his thankless job.

[What does he care? You're still going to vote Demo.]

she's doing an excellent job of holding his feet to the fire and not accepting b.s. answers.

[B.S. answers, B.O. answers, same difference.]

Why Cable News don't report on NN11?

[It's a cable cabal. But don't worry, Keefie is back on TONIGHT! Speak truth to power, Keith!]

The "Obama can do no wrong" crowd must be feeling like their heads will explode.

[Actually, they're laughing at you, knowing that you'll end up voting the same.]

Is the "Obama can do no right" crowd in an orgasmic mood?

[This is their moment in the sun, getting to tell off a White House spokespflunkie! Pfeiffer may be "having his way" with Kaili Joy, but she's loving every minute of it!]

I find it a little embarrassing that a breakout session was titled, "What to do when the president is just not that into you."

[The KOmmies feel used and jilted, and like a teenage girl whose boyfriend now is dating someone else, they write in their diary: "Oh Barry, why won't you be true?"]

Guess there is no point in actively campaigning for the president's reelection then.

[As long as you VOTE the right way--and you will--that's all that counts.]

"an open and honest conversation"? this is just a PR op. I understand that it's important to have this kind of political theatre at NN for all kinds of reasons, but it doesn't make it less cringe-y.

[Op and Cringe.]

This guy has one hell of a job, eh?

[Yeah, a SNOW job!]

Am I crazy, or am I getting pissed off at this guy?

[Both.]

I'm not pissed off at him. I'm pissed off at his boss.

[Listen to the crowd! They're not saying "B.O.!" They're saying "BOOOO!!!"]

Kaili is my new favorite FPer and at this point is in the running for my favorite person ever. THREE unrelenting and honest questions on DADT right in a row, with Dan Pfeiffer squirming and dissembling the whole time. You could feel his shoes melting as she held his feet to the fire. GO KAILI.

[Kaili is speaking truth to power! Only, power doesn't care.]

Kaili asked TWICE when DOD was going to stop firing gay soldiers. He never gave a straight answer.

[They wanted a gay answer.]

Kaili Joy. Get this woman a show on MSNBC!

[The new Cenk Uygur!]

This is Ridiculous! You are excited that this interviewer got a punch in on the President of the US, a member of our own party. Unbelievable.

[I BELIEEEEEVE!!!! Forget MSNBC! Primary Obama! KAILI JOY 2012!]

he's representing the cowardliness of this administration quite well with his prevarications and evasiveness.

[Translation: YOU LIE!]

This will be the part of NN11 that will be remembered.

[Not the lutefisk fountain?]

This is painful to watch. PFeiffer is seriously squirming. And he's the COMMUNICATIONS DIRECTOR.

[Pfailed Pflunkie Pfeiffer.]

Pfeiffer isn't there to listen. He's there to spin--that's his job.

[KOmmie Geekesque, you ALMOST win the Kewpie Doll. But there's an even better Kewpie a couple posts down.]

The event is being reported as a sad and pathetic whine fest in the media.

[The Daze of Whine and Poses.]

Embarrassing so far for NN and the moderator. . . . Now wondering whether there are fewer sane folks attending NN than in years past. The only thing NN is validating is that the netroots likes noisemakers and payola and aren't interested in much else.

[OK, KOmmie Newsie8200, for that brilliant, spot-on piece of analysis--that NUtroots Nation really just wants red meat and chocolate fountains--YOU win today's Kewpie Doll! Congratulations!]

This bozo is the precise sort of pasty-faced doughboy that makes me detest the power elite crawling around D.C. . . . He's a clumsy liar, a content-challenged political whore and a fitting representative for this sad administration.

[Obozo's bozo. I take it you didn't like him. Hee! Hee!]

"It's Over. Weiner Has Survived."

It must be tough to be a DUmmie. You're riding high on Monday. You're down in the DUmps by Thursday. It's the Freudenschade Express, and you're riding that roller coaster, round and round, up and down, up and down, week in and week out.

So it goes with Weinergate. On Monday the DUmmies were crowing. Now today they are eating crow. Witness this THREAD, "It's Over. Weiner Has Survived." It started on Manic Monday, but now it's Torpid Thursday, and the roller coaster is going DOWN, FAST!

So let us now hop on the Freudenschade Express--in the red car, please--while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, popping the popcorn not the champagne, is in the [brackets]:

It's Over. Weiner Has Survived.

[YES! What great news! What a RELIEF! Pop the champagne corks, everybody! Weiner has SURVIVED! WHEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! THANK you for posting this, DUmmie SoDesuKa!]

This Weiner thing has been kicking around long enough that there aren't any more undecideds on the issue.

[They've been kicking that Weiner thing around till it's blue in the face. Let's move ON, people!]

The ones who've called for his resignation haven't closed the sale, and barring any more revelations, it doesn't look like they're going to.

[He's safe! He survived! Hooray!!]

The discussion now moves to academic considerations of why the people who wanted Weiner out couldn't close the sale.

["The people who wanted Weiner out"? I thought it was Weiner himself?]

I think they just didn't make their case that he was too reckless to continue. He simply made a mistake, that's all.

[A "mistake" would be dialing a wrong number. "More than a mistake" would be tweeting your congressional member.]

The Weiner matter is already starting to fade. . . .

[The Weiner matter is shrinkng before our eyes.]

I give the guy credit for hanging tough.

[So to speak.]

Bravo, Anthony. We need guys who don't back down.

[Way to go, Little Anthony! You did it! You didn't let them get to you! Right on! Power to the people! Now let's get some reactions from the reassured DUmmies . . .]

The Wife Isnt Home and It's Not Wednesday Yet.

[Manic Monday is not Wifey Wednesday. But surely Huma, being the prog protégée of Mrs. Clinton that she is--surely she wil stand by her man!]

If he does resign. . . .

["If"? "IF"?? Why, how can you say such a thing?? DUmmie SoDesuKa just ASSURED us, "It's OVER! Weiner SURVIVED! The bad guys FAILED!" Come on! Don't be such a DUmmie Downer!]

"Wednesday When the Wife Returns" sounds very ominous.

[Nonsense! Tony will make sure her undies are folded and back in the drawer nice and neat. She'll never notice!]

He reminds me of a squirrel with nuts in his cheeks. . . .

[Look, I know he goes to the gym and all, but I don't think he's THAT flexible!]

He'll be stripped of his committee positions. . . .

[At least!]

If you present the constituents of his district a new poll. . . .

[No, please! Not another!]

Weiner's opponents don't fear a backlash but perhaps they should.

[Weiner would probably enjoy a backlash.]

There are lots of people who think Weiner's being hounded. . . .

[That too??]

I'm not so sure he has the final say in this. The O man does not approve.

[Weiner IS the O man!]

the O man is not a dictator.

[He's a dictwitter.]

LOL! Yeah, it's starting to fade. Wishful thinking. Maybe if you clap your hands.

[Clap your hands for Tweety! C'mon, kids, clap your hands for Tweety! Keep clapping, that's it!]

Weiner will do the Letterman show and be all aw-shucks about it.

[Why, sure, this is just one big joke! Nothing to worry about! Tony will do the Top Ten Stupid Human Tricks, and that will be that. BTW, is Letterman still on the air? I hadn't noticed.]

There is absolutely no reason for Weiner to go, and dozens of reasons for him to stay.

[Yes, keep clapping! Tweet is getting stronger!]

I do not want to belong to the party of family values

[I believe you.]

Possible slap down tactics..
Yea, Anthony, don't get your boxer-briefs in a bunch.
Sure, ok, we will address that issue, just keep your pants on.
Wow, you sure are stressed, wanna borrow my cell phone?

[Weiner's been slapped long enough!]

24 business hours, man. 24 business hours.

[That's all! Then the TRUTH will finally come OUT: Weiner was HACKED! Bank it!]

No f***ing way Weiner should go anywhere. . . . I'm so f***ing sick and tired of all the sh*t that goes down under Repug rule, and enough is enough. Weiner should stand his ground and tell everyone "f*** you!" who tries to pull him down.

[A big "F*** you all!" press conference. Yeah, I'm sure that will help.]

I just hope there are no new photos. The drip, drip, drip is excruciating.

[Hope and clap! Hope and clap! Clap, clap, clap! (What is this, a Dr. Seuss book?)]

Whats the point of surviving when you've lost all credibility? Who's gonna sponsor a bill with Anthony Weiner?

[Barney Frank? The Weiner-Frank Act?]

Thank God Eric Holder is attorney general and not in congress

[Holder-Weiner? Hee! Hee!]

This too shall pass.

[Weiner-Frank or Holder-Weiner?]

I think you're being a bit harsh toward Weiner.

[Ward, aren't you being a little hard on the Weiner?]

The wife is to be home tonight, MONDAY. Trip changed

[Oopsie! Oh well, Huma will understand. No worries.]

we are not the party of family values

[We're perverted, and proud of it! Hang in there, Tony!]

If he hangs in there, he will survive.

{He WILL survive! He WILL survive! I know it, I know it, I know it! Keep clapping, people! . . . A final reassurance from DUmmie SoDesuKa . . .]

As a matter of current reality, this one's over. If the Republicans aren't bringing it up, the Democrats won't either.

[Yes, and Little Anthony is not bringing it up anymore, either. Oh, THANK you, DUmmie SoDesuKa for being such a voice of reason! Now we can rest easy, our Weiner is safe and secure!]

[That was then. But Manic Monday has now turned into Torpid Thursday. Elevator going DOWN . . .]

Now, it's almost over.

[Wait! I thought it already WAS over! DUmmie SoDesuKa ASSURED us! Weiner SURVIVED! Weiner LIVES! Speak truth to power, Tony! Don't let the bad guys get you down! What do you mean, "NOW, it's almost over"?]

It's a damn shame that a message so strong was carried in a vessel so weak, but make no mistake, Weiner did this to himself.

[Did what? WHAT did Weiner do to himself? I mean, other than the obvious, of course. . . .]

LOL, pretty bad call there chief..."It's Over. Weiner Has Survived." Wrong in spectacular fashion.

[What are you saying? Are you implying that . . . that . . . Weiner has NOT survived? How can that be??]

Confusing wishful thinking for reality has been a big part of this whole debacle.

[No no no! Keep clapping, people, keep clapping!! Tweety WILL survive! Tweety WILL survive! He HAS to! He just has to!!]

Appears this thread was premature

[Freudenschade: The premature elation of the DUmmies when they pop the champagne too soon, and then it turns to DUst in their mouth when things go south.]

AND KARL ROVE HAS BEEN INDICTED

[FREUDENSCHADE, BABY!]

CNN's John King moderates DUmmies debating GOP debate

Welcome to Saint Antfarm College in DUmmieland, New Hempshare. Behind me on the stage are the DUmmies who will be debating tonight's Republican debate.

And tonight's debate will be different from any debate you've seen before in the history of the world. First of all, I will be your moderator, which makes it special right there. I am CNN's John King--I'm not Joe King. Second, nobody will be making any sense whatsoever--these are the DUmmies, remember. And third, I will be constantly grunting, interrupting, and generally rushing people along. I will take 45 questions to ask a question, and then our contestants will have 30 seconds to respond (I'll start grunting at about 10 seconds), before I cut them off and remind them all to hurry up, which will take an additional 25 seconds.

So let's get right to it. Our topic tonight is The BatSh*T Crazy (R) DEBATE THREAD, and away we go. The DUmmies' answers will appear in Bolshevik Red, while my brilliant grunts and commentary, assisted by my teleprompter operator, Charles Henrickson, will be in the [brackets]:

[We start with DUmmie ncrainbowgrrl and her opening statement . . .]

The BatSh*T Cra--

[*grunt* Hurry up! I want to remind all the posters to move along quickly, so our audience will have more time to hear me speak. Now, DUmmie flamingdem, what do you expect to gain from these next two hours, besides a heeadache from hearing me grunt?]

I really hope we get some good yuks out of this upcoming waste of time

[OK, but, please, I want to remind all the posters to please answer the question that I ask, rather than the one that ought to have been asked. Now we go to DUmmie gkhouston. Same question: What do you expect to gain from this DUmmieland debate?]

I doubt that anything useful will come out of this debate, unless you're looking for comic material.

[Right. Now on to DUmmie muntrv. DUmmie muntrv, please describes in 7 seconds or less what happens at a typical moonbat meetup . . .]

They're flinging batsh*t at each other?

[That is correct. And thank you for stating your answer in the form of a question. I see DUmmie gkhouston, you have your hand up. Do you have a follow-up? Quickly . . .]

Can't batsh*t be used for fertilizer?

[DUmmie Motown_Johnny?]

I suppose that is how you get a Turd Blossom

[On to DUmmie Neurotica. What are your two favorite cable networks?]

Watching CNN and ROFL

[So you watch CNN. What do you think about me, John King, and my constant interruptions and grunts?]

I have to say that John King is trying. . . .

[*ungh* Too long! Panel, I must remind you all that your answers have to be completed in five, maybe six or seven seconds, tops! One last chance, Neurotica. The typical DUmmie thread: What is it like?]

They're all trying to out-crazy each other.

[DUmmie tomm2thumbs, This or That? Oscar acceptance speeches: Michael Caine or Michael Moore?]

I think Caine, if he answers briefly and concisely, is going to win this

[Let's get back to the DUmmie meetups. DUmmie Raine, you've been to one. Tell us about it.]

I haven't seen that many idiots gathered in one place. . . .

[I can imagine. But please, hurry with your answer or I will start grunting even louder! Next, benburch. This or that? Weiner or Frank?]

"I'm a big fan of going into space..."

[OK, that's a vote for Frank. Motown_Johnny, you have something to add?]

15 minutes to Rachel

[Rachel: Man or woman?]

Didn't he fantasize about sex in space in an interview once upon a time?

[I'll take that as "man."]

depends on if the cohort in space is the wife.

[*grunt* Did I ask you a question, DUmmie Broderick? PLEASE, panel, follow my instructions TO THE LETTER!]

The jokes are easier than wiener jokes.

[QUIET, Broderick! Now next, DUmmie DesertRat. Elvis: Dead or alive?]

I loved when Bachman said that she has Christmas with Elvis. . . .

["Alive." Back to benburch. ben, favorite elective procedures?]

Nut jobs.

[*ungh* OK, painful, but brief. Speaking of briefs, I assume all of you have received tweets from Anthony Weiner at some time or other. DUmmie JohnnyRingo, what was your reaction?]

This is the craziest f***ing thing I've ever seen

[Fine. But again, and in the spirit of Anthony Weiner, please keep it short! And speaking of that, let's go to Wee Willie Pitt. Pittster--and I'm really taking a risk here, asking to keep your answer brief--your thoughts on the Republican debate . . .]

I'm glad I didn't enter an "Obamacare" drinking game.

[Understood. I suppose you went with "the" or "my." By the way, Pitt, your Rove indictment scoop of May 12, 2006, still hangs like an albatross around your neck. In 24 business seconds or less, what has that failed Fitzmas meant for you?

"jobkiller."

[DUmmie calimary, the Weiner tweets, your reaction when you first saw them.]

HORRIFYING! HORRIFYING! . . . HORRIFYING!!! STUPEFYING!!! I stood there, aghast. . . .

[Time! Finally, DUmmie still_one, what have you learned in the last two hours?]

John king is an ass.

[*unnngh!*]

Palin e-mails cause Freudenschade breakout in DUmmieland!

"Freudenschade" is defined in the DUFU Dictionary as the premature elation of the DUmmies when they pop the champagne corks too soon and then have to taste DUst in their mouth when things go south. The term originated when the DUmmies were SURE Fitzmas was just around the corner, and one of them rejoiced with the malaprop, "Freudenschade, baby!" So every time we see a Freudenschade moment over at the DUmp, it gives us big LAFFS here at DUmmie FUnnies!

We have such a moment now. The release of Governor Sarah Palin's e-mails promised to be a TREASURE TROVE of embarrassment for Caribou Barbie. The DUmmies were excited, licking their chops! "Wait till we SEE all the airheadedness on display! Oh boy oh boy oh boy!! I can hardly wait!" Then came E-Day. Planeloads of journalists were dispatched to Juneau to finetooth-comb the stuff. And what did they find? Nothing. No gotchas. Just a hard-working governor taking care of business. What a letdown! DUmmies disappointed, big-time. And that, my friends, is Freudenschade!

A whole lot of Palin e-mail threads over the last few days. We'll pick and choose from several, starting with these threads:

THREAD, "Alaska to Release (Over 24,000 of) Palin’s E-Mails"
THREAD, "sarah palin’s e-mails: What to expect"
THREAD, "Washington Post asks for help to investigate Palin emails."
THREAD, "Sarah Palin Emails to be Released"

So let us go to DUmmieland and ride the roller coaster called the Freudenschade Express, in 24,000 Pages Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, reminding you that Palin Madness Syndrome (PMS) has no known cure, is in the [brackets]:

Alaska to Release (Over 24,000 of) Palin’s E-Mails

[Oh boy! 24,000 Ditziness Hours! Freudenschade, baby!]

Are taxpayers going to get hit with the cost of translating them into English?

[They're looking for volunteers who read Palinese.]

I hope they expose this grifter for who she is once and for all

[E-Day is coming! Tomorrow she goes down!]

sarah palin’s e-mails: What to expect

[The end of Sarah Palin! WHEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!]

Misspellings and bitterness

A lot of wink smilies and frequent use of "ya betcha".

[ ;^) ]

this could be hugely embarrasing for Palin.

[It's the END, I tell you, the end!!]

Washington Post asks for help to investigate Palin emails.

[Get Journalist Pitt on the line. He could get a SCOOP!]

We should put together a Democratic Underground team. I want in on that action!

[DUAC! DUAC!]

Sarah Palin is braced for the release of tens of thousands of pages of emails sent when she was governor of Alaska and which opponents say could damage a potential run for the White House.

[Braced for the damage! Oh, this will be gooooood!!!]

Which explains the timing of her bus tour. Fleece her followers quickly before they see what a total nitwit she is.

[TOTAL nitwit!! Yes! WOO-HOO!!!]

I'm popping popcorn, how about you?

[I'm popping the CHAMPAGNE, baby! WHEEEEEEE!!!!]

I have to admit a certain guilty anticipation of the level of insipid dumbness likely to be revealed. I believe they will be comedy gold.

[Comedy gold! I BELIEEEEEEVE!!!!!!!!]

oooo fun fun fun

[Let the FUn begin!!!]

live blog for the Palin email release. The first emails are online now.

[The moment we've been waiting for!!!!]

It might be interesting to see a few good mooseburger recipes

[Yes, Mooselini in the kitchen! I love it! Oooh, I'm so excited!!]

It looks like the emails are Al Capone's vault. nothing there.

[Wha-aa??? WHAT?]

sounds like they really didn't find anything important in all these emails.

[Just unimportant stuff like a governor doing her job. What a letdown!]

m$nbc says it...'sarah palin emails will help her...no smoking guns'

[Help her?? HELP her????]

Makes her look both like the victim AND just an ordinary gawd-fearin' governor. It's a win win for Sarah Palin.

[A win win. Hee! Hee!]

She's irrelevant.

[Irrelevant. That's why the East Coast newspapers airlifted 24,000 reporters to Juneau to cover this stuff.]

She has been playing the media like a fiddle.

[Don't fret. She's irrelevant, you know.]

Impact of released messages: Palin runs? The batch of emails long sought-after seem to have painted her in a positive light. It may even propel her into a candidacy. . . .

[Batch set her up.]

Her luck is unreal. . . .

[FREUDENSCHADE, BABY!!]