Saturday, October 30, 2010

Charlie Crist: I Am NOT Gray!!!

Hi there! This is Governor Charlie Crist with an important message for all Florida voters. However, before I get to the message, I wish to take this opportunity to dispel ugly rumors that have been circulating about me.

Just to make it very clear from the start, I am NOT gray! I am NOT gray; I never have been gray. The misunderstanding began with a hairdresser that I met at the Green Iguana bar who accompanied me home. The hairdresser expressed admiration for my deep tan and insisted upon rubbing my bronzed skin with some soft lotion upon entering my bedroom. So how did this completely innocent encounter end up the subject of many sick innuendos? It began when the hairdresser whispered gently into my ear with a suggestion about how I could really highlight my rich tan with the luscious orangey underglow by dyeing my dark hair gray to form a stark contrast to my manly bronze. Well, my mistake was allowing the hairdresser to spend the night with me getting just the right amount of gray into my hair. So you see, I am not really gray so you can cast aside the sick rumors about me.

And now to my message. I want all you Florida voters to know that I will do absolutely ANYTHING for your vote. How desperate am I to get elected as U.S. Senator from Florida? Well, I offered Kendrick Meek my sister's cross if he would drop out of the race. And now I'm now upping the ante. If you agree to vote for me, forget about my sister's cross which is really just a cheap trinket that I picked up from a dollar box at the flea market. What I am now offering you is my sister. Yes, I will allow you to have your way with my own sister. Even better, have your way with me.

Yeah, baby! Ride me me bareback like your personal pack mule. Even better ride me brokeback. Take that leather riding whip and let me have it. Don't hold back. Flay me! Fillet me! Slay me! Hell, you can even poke a spit through me and slow roast me over a barbecue pit. Is a spit too mundane? Then a shove a gerbil, broken light bulb, or any long vibrating plastic object you want up me. Your choice. Whatever you want to do with me is okay because I will do anything for your vote including allowing you to beat me like a piñata.

What I bring to the political table is commitment. I am so fanatically committed to entering the U.S. Senate that I would crawl naked over broken glass to a hot springs atop Mt. Fuji and hop in to let the snow monkeys have their way with me in order to attain my goal.

Should I lose on Election Night, don't expect any sort of congratulatory concession speech from me. What you will see is me throwing the Mother of All Hissy Fits. Think irate eye scratching cat with claws out. Not only that, I would switch from stalking Kendrik Meek to creepily following Marco Rubio around until he gives up his Senate seat for me. He won't even be safe on the Senate floor because when he looks up into the gallery Marco will see me flying down at him with my black cape shrieking like a mad bat about to bite him in the neck like the Vampire Lestat.

This is Charlie Crist signing off and hoping you can even find me on the ballot on Election Day. My name is so far down the list that you would have an easier time finding me in the Green Iguana closet.

Friday, October 29, 2010

Leftwing Loons Are Moonbats Too

It was perhaps the FUnniest post-election photo of all time but who was the crying chick? Well, it turns out she is Victoria Parks and if you watch this VIDEO of her singing, you will agree (to paraphrase her dopey song) that Leftwing Loons Are Moonbats Too.

Watching this Moonbat, one has the urge to write as the shrink did in that Gary Larson cartoon, "Just plain NUts!!!" She is such a poor singer that it is actually FUnnie in a perverse way. It will be interesting to hear what tune she will be singing off-key following next week's elections. Oh, and perhaps our own Charles Henrickson who has featured this Moonbat photo in the DUFUs many times could be inspired to write a parody of the Parks song called, "Leftwing Loons Are Moonbats Too."

Sincere DUmmies are waiting for the Great Pumpkin to arrive!

"It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Henrickson!" That's what DUmmie MinneapolisMatt would tell me, as he sits out in the pumpkin patch, waiting for the Great Progressive Pumpkin to arrive on Election Night. "Nothing but sincerity as far as the eye can see!"

The DUmmies have various coping mechanisms to deal with the approach of Tsunami Tuesday. One is to lash out with "F" bombs at Rethuglicans that aren't there, as we saw yesterday. Another tried-and-true coping mechanism is the "I BELIEEEEEEEEVE," Waiting-for-the-Great-Pumpkin, Freudenschadelicious optimism that we see in this
THREAD by MinneapolisMatt, "I *still* think we are going to keep both the House and Senate."

So let us take our places in DUmmieland's pumpkin patch and see all the "WELCOME GREAT PUMPKIN" signs, in Red Baron Red, while the reality-based commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charlie Henrickson, oozing sincerity from every pore, is in the [brackets]:

I *still* think we are going to keep both the House and Senate.

[I *still* think the Great Pumpkin is going to arrive!]

With all of this non-cell phone polling, gigantic Obama rallies, Stewart/Colbert this weekend, and the faux enthusiasm gap -vs- the complete and utter over-exposure of the tea baggers (as opposed to reality), I think we're in for a pleasant surprise.

[Yes, the Stewart/Colbert thingie, I almost forgot! Why, that's TOMORROW! THAT will be the thing that turns the tide! THE DAY WHEN EVERYTHING FINALLY CHANGED!]



From your keyboard to God's eyes.

[Oh, PLEASE, dear Gaia, send us the Great Pumpkin! Oh please, oh please, oh PUH-LEEEEEEEZE!!! Can't you see how SINCERE we are???]



No Doubt!

[I DO believe, I DO believe, IDO IDO IDOOOOOOO!!!!!!!]

I feel good about the Senate. Not so good about the House.

[What? WHAT??? A DOUBTER in the pumpkin patch??? NOOOOOO!!!!!!!! You'll ruin EVERYTHING!!!]

I think all this tea bag party crap is all just media contrived. The usual 20% looneys will vote that way, the same 20% that still loved Bush and thought God placed him in the White House, and the same 20% that believe Sarah Palin could be president.

[Yes, YES! That's the old positive spirit! Yes, Democrats win with *80%* of the vote!! Teabaggers only 20.]

Me too. . . .

[Freudenschade, baby!!! Break out the champagne bottles! WHEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!]

Everybody vote as EARLY as you can. . . .

[Vote EARLY and vote OFTEN!]

I think the big shocker of the election will be ALASKA having TWO DEMOCRATIC senators!

[TWO? Why stop there? Alaska will have THREE Democrat senators! WHOO!]

I hope you are right, all evidence points otherwise. . . .

[Evidence, shmevidence! Who needs evidence?]

Don't be fooled by the political gains Republicans are expected to make in the midterm elections. The GOP is on the critical list. The wins it will score, possibly enough to give it control of the House of Representatives, will be short-lived.

[HA, Rethuglicans, go ahead and win, see if we care! If we lose, we win! . . . Oops! Did I say, "If we lose"?? . . . But, but, we're going to WIN! Yes, VICTORY, just around the corner! The Great Pumpkin WILL arrive! Do you hear me, Great Pumpkin? I wasn't doubting just there! I *do* believe in you, I really do!! Look, nothing but sincerity, as far as the eye can see!]

I like the way you think and I'd be thrilled if we were even a little bit surprised Tuesday.


I think we are going to keep both House and Senate. And if we do. . . .

["I think"?? "If we do"?? What IS this?? You're ruining the sincerity!]

I don't know you, MinneapolisMatt, but I love your optimism. . . .

[THANK you! We'll just sit here in this pumpkin patch, and you'll see the Great Pumpkin with your own eyes! It won't be long now. Just wait. The Great Pumpkin will appear, and we'll be waiting for him. . . .]

Thursday, October 28, 2010

"F" bombs away! Tsunami Tuesday gets to the DUmmies!

As we come closer and closer to Tsunami Tuesday, over in DUmmieland the tension is so thick you could cut it with a paper ballot. Naturally, some are buckling under the pressure of the impending doom. So, how are many of the DUmmies coping? By letting fly with CLASSIC, incoherent, foul-mouthed rants at Rethuglicans who aren't there! Witness this THREAD, artfully titled by DUmmie DainBramaged, "F***ING REPUBLICANS YOU ALL SUCK."

It's DUmmie discourse at its finest! So let us gather around the fire at Kamp Kumbaya, where the love speech is in Kampf Fury Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, ready to give his asterisk key a good workout, is in the [brackets]:



Impeach Christie, f*** Bohner and the rest, jail McConnell. They all suck, criminals and traitors to America. F*** 'em all.

[Feel the love! Thank you, DUmmie DainBramaged, for that thoughtful post. Now let's go around the campfire and hear from the others . . .]

What you said.

[No, do it right. It's "WHAT YOU F***ING SAID!"]

Yes...the Republicans have devolved into a cesspool of blithering,hateful idiots.

[Feel the irony!]

Yup! You can throw in gun fundies and tea baggers too!

[Throw in ANYONE who wants the government to follow the Constitution!]

My sentiments exactly. And, by the way, the next time they tell us that they are The Party of Family Values, tell them to F*** OFF!!

[Yeah, it's us DEMOCRATS that are The Party of F***ing Family Values! . . . Alright, the Manson Family, but still, it's a family. . . .]

Their voters put up with all kinds of corruption, lies, adultery, sleeping with prostitutes, bearing false witness, stealing, and promoting hatred, division and violence.

[Look up "projection" in your dictionary, and you will find this post.]

F*** 'em and if you're lurking f*** you too stupid traitors. The only first you f***s know is in your pocket.

[Huh, wha-aa??]

Let's not stoop to their level with the name-calling. . . .

[HEY, F*** YOU, YOU STUPID F***! I'll stoop if I want to! In fact, I'm STUCK on stooping!]

Bullsh*t, go lecture someone else. We're here because you nannies won't fight always lecturing us with your crap. Go lecture a Puke.

[Let your lecture go! It's "F" bombs away!]

If you don't like to see name-calling you're at the wrong bus stop!

[Get under the bus!]

This solves nothing and polarizes the debate.

[Who cares?! Tsunami Tuesday is coming, and WE CAN'T F***ING DEAL WITH IT!!!!!]

I don't get the idea of refurbishing the Statue of Liberty, while wanting to build THE GREAT WALL OF CHINA around your entire country. Are you keeping people out, or keeping Americans in?

[Believe me, DUmmie AsahinaKimi, if you want to emigrate to Canada, none of us is going to stop you! And after next Tuesday, I expect to see a LOT of "I'm leaving the country" posts!]

Maybe this is why I am a Democrat.

[Maybe this is why you are going to lose, big-time, on Tsunami Tuesday.]

I have no doubt that the independent (swing) voters are voting Republican this year out of frustration over Obama's inability to speed up the economic recovery.

[O ye of little faith! Don't you BELIEEEEEEEEEVE they'll vote Democratic? Don't you BELIEEEEEEEEEVE the President's Summer of Recovery FIXED the economy? Where is your FAITH??]

Would you agree that they are hateful people? How are you reducing hate in the world by hating them right back? When will the cycle of hatred ever end. . . ?

[STFU! I HATE those who say we shouldn't hate the haters!!]

They interpret our attempts at comity as weakness. . . .

[We interpret your attempts at wiseness as comedy.]

All singing kumbaya with these goons will get us is a boot on our neck.

[Stomp another neck, stomp a neck next to ya . . .]

I have the right to f***ing call out the Pukes whenever I want here.

[Let's see, calling out Republicans on a site called Democratic Underground. . . . I'm trying to measure the effectiveness of this strategy. . . . Alright, carry the 1. . . . OK, that comes to a MINUS 57 on the Scale of Sensibility! Congratulations, DainBramaged, that's a new record!]

You sound miffed, DainBramage...Is it because you are afraid of losing to Republicans again or because you are pissed that Americans seem to be rejecting your world view? Is it a "team sport" loss anger or an anger that your vision is being shoveled into the dust bin of failed ideas...again? Where is your rage rooted?

[Fee, Fi, Fo, FUm! I smell the blood of a LOUSY FREEPER TROLL!!!]

How open and tolerant of you. Clearly tolerance is subjective to you, eh?

[Well, "DUmmie" Organic Warrior, with your 28 posts . . . PREPARE FOR TOMBSTONING!]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA Your thin disguise is laughable. . . . And you're gone f***! Garden that teabagger f***. F*** YOU.

[DUmmie DainBramaged TRIUMPHS over the tombstoned teabagger! Enjoy it now, DainBramaged! Tsunami Tuesday is coming!]

Ooooooh, I LOVE it when one of us touches a nerve with the drool cup crowd! So much so that they MUST register and post due to their unmanageable rage...that the truth is against them and all they have are little, hollow lies and tears...lots of tears! Good job DB! You made one mess his/her pants and now they can only read our laughter at their tiny failure at launch!

[Yep, that must leave only, what, about 497 LOUSY FREEPER TROLLS still lurking and posting?]

You might want to make the next cup decaf

[Decaf TEA, which you'll be drinking--nay, drowning in--next Tuesday!]

I'm agnostic, but hope they all FRY IN HELL!!!

[I DON'T BELIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVE!!!!! But if I did, I'd like that damning to hell bit.]


[Where? I must have missed it!]

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Political Photo of the Year?

Is it real or is it Memorex? If the photo above is real, then it has to qualify as THE political photo of the year...or maybe of all time in terms of providing laughs. Supposedly this photo was taken at the 9-11 memorial this year. Some folks think it is photoshopped because it seems just too comedically perfect. Therefore your homework assignment, boys and girls, is to find out if this photo is for real or not. Okay, we shall next return with a regular DUFU edition but this photo is so incredible I had to devote this edition to it.

UPDATE: We now have proof that the photo above is REAL! Below is another photo from the same event: a May 3 Delaware Law Enforcement memorial ceremony in Dover. Sitting next to Biden in the photo below is Chief McDerby aka "W.C. Fields." So the classic photo above is REAL!!!

Monday, October 25, 2010

"The Dems might get enough votes, but the machines are fixed"

The DUmmies are already lining up their favorite excuse for losing the elections next week as you can see in the very title of this THREAD, "The Dems might get enough votes, but the machines are fixed." Such an excuse was mysteriously missing in 2008 when they won. Of course, the rule of thumb is that whenever the Republicans win, the machines MUST be fixed. Of course, the DUmmies are strangely silent when proof of actual vote fraud, such as can be seen in this VIDEO, is presented. Yeah, that was a poll watcher who was ILLEGALLY denied access to a poll but that meets with DUmmie approval. So let us now watch the DUmmies conjure up their favorite excuse for losing in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, noting that Democrat Joe Manchin is now basically calling Democrats DUmmies for not even reading their own ObamaCare bill, is in the [brackets]:

The Dems might get enough votes, but the machines are fixed

[So stay home and don't vote on Nov. 3 since the election has already been fixed.]

Forget the polls showing a Dem resurgence. Don't we remember that the GOP has rigged the machines in half the country? Unlimited resources without ethics or scruples and only a desire for power does not end well.And we cannot count on the MSM or the general public to do anything about it.

[Give up NOW! No matter how you cast your ballots on Election Day, Nov. 3, it's all been decided in advance. And now the whines from the other DUmmies...]

Nobody has rigged all the machines in half the country. If anyone had, surely someone would have switched sides and ratted them out by now. Machine malfunctions have been documented numerous times, but never attributed to sabotage.


Most of the machines are provided by 1 or 2 big corporations... They are the tech support and the programers... AND yes, they can rig the votes.

[Diebold owns all your votes!]

they can rig the votes != they have rigged the votes

[But only when Democrats lose.]

If you can't f*cking see that the machines actually steal votes, then one has to question how blind you are.

[You're going to need several dozen Valiums on Election Day, Nov. 3.]

Well explain this Ohio in the last Bush election why
did the servers counting the votes go thru the servers in the white house that were set up to take care of Rove and the republicans email and electronic system. It was made CLEAR AND SHOWN and no body did any thing.

[Karl Rove fixed the Ohio votes right from his White House desktop computer. All he had to do was push the Function key and the F for "Fix" key.]

The new normal = We have to SWAMP the repugs for the "win". .
We will never know the real margin of '08...

[20 trillion but the rigged machines downgraded it to a mere few million.]

John Kerry WON in Ohio in 2004, and we all know that. What is most disturbing about it is the collective refusal of the Democratic Party to do anything about it

[We know what you did about it...You sent $10 to Bev Harris.]

If only the Dems could gain the White House and a substantial majority in both houses of Congress! Then they could pass legislation that would ensure we have fair elections.

[A DUmmie who has obviously been fast asleep since 2008.]

You may also try reading black box voting by Bev Ross.

[You may also try sending her LOTS of money. Remember, Bev Harris is just $10 away from overturning the 2004 election.]

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Excitement building for Restore Sanity Rally!

The One Nation Rally three weeks ago was, as even one DUmmie admitted, "a disaster": boring, embarrassing, poorly attended. But, BUT, the upcoming Stewart-Colbert Rally will be different! Hip, cool, FUnnie--everyone who's anyone will be there--be there or be square! Yes, Stewart's "Rally to Restore Sanity"/Colbert's "March to Keep Fear Alive" NEXT SATURDAY, one week from today, will TRULY be The Day When Everything Finally Changed! Suddenly the light bulb (one of those ecofriendly corkscrew lightbulbs, of course)--the light bulb will go on all across America, and voters will, because of the collective intelligence, wit, and coolness on display at this rally, change their minds and decide to vote Progressive Democratic three days later on Election Day.

So all the DUmmies will be there, right? This will be the Mother Of All DUmmie Meet-Ups! It won't be so deathly dull as the One Nation thingie, we'll feel like we're doing something for The Cause, and, most importantly, everybody can meet for drinks and smokes and getting wasted and laid afterward! ROAD TRIP!! Witness the wave of enthusiasm building up in this
THREAD, "Sanity Rally, are you going? Do you support it?"

Oh, but if you're going to the Restore Sanity Rally, you might want to give a thought to how you're going to Restore Sanitation. We'll explain when we get to this
THREAD, "Great. 10-30 attendees will be accused of being full of sh*t."

So cross your fingers and cross your legs that THIS rally will turn the tide! The DUmmie comments are in Bolshevik Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, who will be washing his hair next weekend and thus can't make it, is in the [brackets]:

Sanity Rally, are you going? Do you support it?

[Of COURSE! ALL the DUers will be there! How could you even ASK such a question?]

Just curious of the temperature of DU towards this rally.

[Hot to trotsky!]

I for one have a room right across the street from the WH.

[I'll let the Secret Service know.]

Also, I will be conducting random interviews with rally goers to put a video together.

[Giving new meaning to "going viral."]

[Thank you, DUmmie Soral, for that scintillating promotion of this rally, which doesn't really NEED any promotion, though, since all the DUmmies, 100%, will be there at this Event of the Year--nay, Event of the DECADE! Now let's hear the wave of excitement building among your fellow rally attendees . . .]

Oh, I certainly support it.

[Yes! One more to add to the countless throng!]

Unfortunately I can't attend.


Damn would I love to. If for no other reason, just to be a head in the crowd.

[Oh, we know you would be there if you could. And I'm sure we can survive with just one less person there. I mean, just think, a SEA OF HUMANITY, as far as the eye can see, rallying, standing together, righteous and cool, so many of us. . . .]

Hell, I walked 10 miles from College Park to DC for the 20th anniversary MLK Jr. march. THAT was cool! I met a lot of really great people there, on the way, and on the way back - including a group on the way there that had attended my high school in Columbia the first year it opened. My oldest two daughters were there for President Obama's inauguration.

[Uh, OK, we know you're not going to be there this time. I'm sure you have your reasons. No need to list your bona fides. . . .]

There's nothing like a crowd on the mall.

[And something tells me this will be nothing like a crowd. . . . Alright, let's hear from the next excited customer . . .]

I support it and will probably go. gotta figure out the logistics.

[Let the excuses begin!]

There are lots of free rides from NYC, but not back. . . .

[So just MOVE to DC! A REAL progressive would be willing to do this!]

I am NW PA and I have kids!!


I'm going.

[Yes! I knew it! I knew I could count on you, Mz Pip! A DUmmie in whom there is no guile!]

I'm working on sign ideas.


yes, sign ideas.....Still working on those as well.


I'm going and bringing a couple of friends! Staying 1.6 miles from the mall

[If you get within 1.5, they call the mall cops.]

i wish i could go. but am i texas and cant do the trip. will watch though. excited about it.

[OK, so scratch THREE people who will not be there. Disappointing, but still, only three. And, and . . . yes, there will be MILLIONS of us there anyway, hundreds of thousands MINIMUM--all of us righteous, cool, changing minds all across America through the powerful medium of television, the whole nation tuning in, learning and laughing as we all will be--tens of thousands of us maybe, a sea of. . . .]

Going from Atlanta!! Meeting brother from Columbus!!

[WHEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!! Goodbye Columbus, hello DC! Hello VICTORY on November 3!]

With bells on!

[Liberty bells! Sanity bells! Yes!]

Check the weather... May be poncho time

[Uh oh! You mean it could RAIN?? I don't know now. . . .]

Support what?

[Huh, what?]

If I could only afford the plane ticket...


[Well, I'm sure there will be SOME people there. Daily Show staffers, at least. But it turns out there could be a problem or two for those who attend. Problem #1 and Problem #2, as we now discover . . .]

Great. 10-30 attendees . . .

[Is that the date or the projected attendance?]

. . . will be accused of being full of sh*t

[That goes without saying. But, pray, tell me more . . .]

D.C. toilet shortage is Keeping Fear Alive

["Toilet shortage"?? Wha-aa??]

WASHINGTON -- The calls of nature may be particularly loud at an upcoming D.C. event if attendees don't have a place to "go."

[Stay outta da bushes!]

Comedy Central organizers are having a hard time finding port-o-potties for their rallies . . . after the Marine Corps Marathon planners snatched up about 800 of them for the same weekend.

[Hee! Hee! The moonbats will have to battle the MARINES for toilets! Can you SEE a DUmmie coming up to a MARINE and asking to use the toilet? "Excuse me, Mr. Evil Military-Industrial Complex Man whom I despise and loathe with every fiber of my being--speaking of fiber, I've REALLY got to go, you see, and I was wondering if. . . ."]

The organizers of Jon Stewart's Rally to Restore Sanity and Stephen Colbert's March to Keep Fear Alive . . . have asked the marathon staff to share the portable toilets with their 65,000 expected to attendees.

[The rallies will now be called "Restore Sanitation" and "Keep Your Legs Crossed."]

But the Marines aren't budging -- they plan to lock the toilets until the morning of their race the day after. . . .

[I love it! Let's hear the DUmmies' reaction . . .]

I read the Baggers were trying to tie up all the buses for this. How about potties? wouldn't put it past them...

[It's a constipation conspiracy! The Marines, the teabaggers, probably Fox News. . . .]

No Sh*t

[That's what it will come down to!]

Colbert said to dress up as your worst fear. I'd suggest going as a colostomy bag. . . .

[The Teabaggers vs. the Colostomybaggers! The Marines vs. the Moonbats! The Battle of Port-o-potty Hill! Yes, it will be . . . The Day When Everyone, Finally, Had to Change!]

- - - - -

BONUS PARODY from the wag tailoring the doggerel:

Tune: "San Francisco"

If you're goin' to Sanity Rally
Be sure to wear some stronger underwear
If you're goin' to Sanity Rally
You're gonna need some toilet paper there

For those who come to Sanity Rally
Bathroom time, there'll be a long line there
In the streets at Sanity Rally
Pent-up people with fragrance in the air

All across the Potomac
Such a strange aroma
People in motion
There's a whole demonstration
With advanced constipation
People in motion, people in motion

For those who come to Sanity Rally
Be sure to wear some stronger underwear
If you come to Sanity Rally
Bathroom time, there'll be a long line there

If you come to Sanity Rally
Bathroom time, there'll be a long line there . . .

Friday, October 22, 2010

Dialoguing for Dollars: Alan Grayson talks to the DUmmies!

When last we checked in with nutjob Congressman Alan "Dick" Grayson, he had arranged with Head DUmmie $kimmer to allow him to do some fundraising there. So some staffer posted a form letter, under Grayson's name, and many of the DUmmies fell for it, thought it was Grayson himself writing just to them, and I'm sure some of them gave up their Domino's that night to send $10 to Grayson their hero.

Well, now Grayson is so desperate--you see, the Democrat Congressional Committee has cut off all money for Grayson, because they know he is a lost cause--Grayson is so DESPERATE for dough that he has been reduced to actually INTERACTING with the DUmmies, which he did on Tuesday in this $kimmer-approved
THREAD, "Live Blog with Congressman Alan Grayson (D-FL)," or, as I like to call it, "Dialoging for Dollars: Alan Grayson Talks to the DUmmies!"

So let us enter DUmmieland to witness the Fleecing of the Easy Marx, in Red-Ink Red (with Alan Grayson's own posts labeled "AG"), while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson--all about the FUnraising!--is in the [brackets]:

Live Blog with Congressman Alan Grayson (D-FL)

[Congressman Alan Grayson (Dummie-FLeecing)]

Democratic Underground is pleased to host a live blog with Congressman Alan Grayson.

[Head DUmmie $kimmer gives his imprimatur and nihil obstat to this edition of "Dialoguing for Dollars."]

Congressman Grayson is well known as an aggressive advocate for progressive change.


He is in a tough reelection race this year.

[Translation: He's going to LOSE. But he's your "hero," so you'll donate to him anyway.]

Thank you to Congressman Grayson, and to everyone here who helps make this discussion a success.

[Let the fleecing begin!]

far out!

[Grayson is GROOVY!]

Totally shallow, Congressman, but why did you shave off the goatee? You looked so awesome-scary.

AG: Regarding the beard, when I had it, a older woman wrote to me and told me that I looked scary with the beard, so she couldn't vote for me. But she had some younger friends who told her that they were going to vote for me, BECAUSE I looked scary. I wanted to expand our appeal beyond the Wiccan vote, so I shaved it.

[Grayson has the Wiccan vote LOCKED UP, no worries, so he could risk losing the beard.]

This neopagan ecofeminist with Anabaptist leanings thinks you rock, goatee or not!!

[Neopagan ecofeminists are SOLID for Grayson!]

I just wanted to say thank you for your passion. . . . I admire you greatly. . . . I'm off to make a contribution to your campaign now.

[You're my hero! You're dreamy! Here, take some of my money!]

AG: The easiest ways to make a contribution are at our website, . . .


Will you run for president some day?

[Hey, if Kookcinich can do it, why not Crazy Grayson?]

AG: We are in a very, very difficult race for Congress this year. We will win only if everyone pulls together and helps. One step at a time.

[First let me lose this race, then I can take to losing some primaries in 2012. But at least I'll get your fools's money!]

I hope to see you running for veep in 2016


______/Grayson 2016 and 2020, then in 2024 you're at the top of the ticket.


AG: the million members of Democracy for America named me as their Number One Hero in the House.

[Forget Kucinich, forget Maher! Just GRAYSON 2012, 2016, 2020, 2024. . . .]

AG: courage pays off.

[Fleecing the DUmmies pays off.]

Dear Congressman Grayson, Its a great pleasure that you're visiting us here, at DU. I've contributed, encourage others to do so, and only wish I could do more.

[Then GIVE more! Sell your computer, eat Ramen noodles instead of Domino's--check that, don't eat ANYTHING--get a second job--check that, get a JOB--and DONATE!]

Congressman Grayson, would you consider becoming Speaker of the House?

[Signed, Nancy Pelosi]

My question is this: Has anyone tried to put together a group of writers - comedians, copywriters, bloggers and the like - to frame an honest, fact-based message in a way that is more digestible to the American Public? What if every Democrat, from the White House down started calling Republican economic policy "Table Scrap Economics"? What if they started referring to the "Republicans" as "Republican'ts"? . . . If there is, or you think there should be, that kind of effort, send me a message. I'd love to help.

[Oh, DUmmie urgk, you have a real knack for words! In fact, if the Democrats would just hire YOU, like NOW, they can still pull this thing out! "Table Scrap Economics": Why, oh why, has no one thought of that BEFORE??? That's the key to VICTORY!]

AG: If you have any suggestions, feel free to share them. . . .

[Don't call us, we'll call you.]

This may just be an instinctive gift that Alan Grayson has, but we need to analyze it, bottle it and share it.

[The Grayson Touch®: Just splash it on, and you'll start ranting insanely!]

the lone poll in your race against Webster, which had you down by 7 points. . . . if you do beat Webster in what is shaping up to be a heavily Republican year. . . .

["If"? "IF"??? There's no "if"! Where is your FAITH, you doubter? Sayyy . . . you aren't some sort of . . . LOUSY FREEPER TROLL, are you??]

It's obvious you're a hero here. . . . throwing what little money I can - YOUR way. And I have "Grayson-Truth" bumper stickers on the vehicles I drive!


I moved to Orange from Seminole recently and cannot wait to cast my vote for you in November!! Sadly, don't see many Grayson signs out near the 429.

[Well, then get some of those "Grayson-Truth" stickers and start slapping them up all over! And hurry!]

Mr. Grayson... You have a knack for introducing bills with catchy titles:
H.R.5353 : War is Making You Poor Act
H.R.4444 : Defund the Crooks Act . . .

[A.G. 101 : Introduce Your Dollar Bills to Me Act]

Congressman Grayson, Have you ever visited/heard of Democratic Underground before this visit?

[Yes, I read the DUmmie FUnnies religiously! Best entertainment on teh internets!]

AG: Yes, I've Visited Many Times Before

[Yes, I'm As Crazy As You Are! Now Send Me Your Money!]

You're going to give DUers such a swelled head.

[Alan Grayson--THE Alan Grayson--actually TALKED to us! He, he even answered my post! Oh joy! Oh nirvana! . . . Oops, I think I peed my pants!]

You are an inspiration! Together, we can crush the GOP into dust!

[So uplifting!]


[Oh yes we do. . . . DUmmieland as Tiger Beat.]

Could you please deliver some of your 'guts' to the White House?

[Grayson's Anatomy.]

They need to be more Grayson and less Chamberlain when dealing with the opposition.

AG: "More Grayson." So now I'm an adjective. Personally, I think of myself as a verb.

[I think of you, Congressman Grayson, as kind of an exclamation, an ejaculation, really.]

AG: The night that we voted on the healthcare bill, a man in a wheelchair told me, "please vote for the bill. If it doesn't pass, I'll die."

[If Alan Grayson doesn't win in November, WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!]

Welcome to where the REAL Democrats hang out, Alan!

[The LOONEY ones!]

I believe you to be one of but three elected officials who are earnest in their effort to represent the public interest. Dennis Kucinich and Bernie Sanders would be the other two. . . .

[Crazy Grayson, Kookie Kookcinich, and Comrade Sanders: The Tremendous Troika.]

Thank you Congressman Graystone. . . .

[You're welcome, DUmmie Tombstone.]

I guess my questions is. How do you stay sane. . . ?

[That question always flummoxes the DUmmies. But you're barking up the wrong tree if you ask Grayson to help you.]

This has to be about the best thing ever on DU!

[WHEEEEE!!!!!!!!! Alan Grayson, Our Superhero, deigning to talk to little ol' us!!!]

This is as exciting as it gets, having one of our heroes right here on this board! And he replied to me!

[I did NOT see this post when I wrote my previous comment!]

Mr. Grayson, don't you think you look more badass with the goatee?

[I think he looks like an ass with or without the goatee.]

I love a man with balls.

[benburch checks in. . . .]

AG: I'm outta here!

[I perceive, sir, that you are a prophet.]

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Praise to Aqua Buddha: DUmmies Celebrating Conway 'Victory'

Praise to Aqua Buddha! The DUmmies are already celebrating the "victory" of Jack Conway over Rand Paul for the U.S. Senate seat from Kentucky. And the cause of the celebrations? A poll. Just ONE poll showing Conway ahead. The DUmmies don't mention the source of the poll or the methodology but here it is from NEWSVINE:

According to a poll conducted on behalf of the Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee, Jack Conway is leading Rand Paul 49-47 in the race to determine the next United States Senator from Kentucky.

Yeah, that's it. A poll conducted by the Democrats with NO details as to how it was conducted shows Conway in the lead. And for that, the DUmmies are in a state of celebration as you can see in this THREAD, "Breaking: Conway leads!" Freudenschade, baby! So let us now join the DUmmie "victory" party for Conway in Bolshevik Red (or is it Aqua Buddha Blue?) while the commentary of your humble correspondent, noting that a drunk in a bar told him Meek was going to win in Florida, is in the [brackets]:

Breaking: Conway leads!

[Freudenschade, baby! Break out the victory champagne!]

'I’ve got big news for you: A new poll released last evening has Jack leading Rand Paul by two points -- 49% to 47%.

[Praise to Aqua Buddha! No need to even get the details of the poll nor even find out who conducted it. Go straight to the victory celebrations! Do not pass Go...or the actual election results.]

This is the first poll showing us taking a lead in the race, and as The Washington Post puts it: We’re "surging."

[First poll and the ONLY poll. But skip the details, lets CELEBRATE!!!]

This weekend we released an aggressive ad going right after Rand Paul. We went on offense, and it's clear our strategy is working.

[Ah yes! The embarrassing Aqua Buddha smear ad. Even Chris Matthews slammed Conway over this.]

Now that we’re in the lead, we need to put even more pressure on Rand Paul.

[A Turquoise Buddha ad?]

Will you contribute $25 or more right now so that we can continue the fight to maintain this lead?

[Aqua Buddha is just $25 away from taking up residence in Bev Harris' 5 star hotel suite.]

This is make-or-break time. If we're going to have a victory on November 2, I need everyone to step up and help us today.'

[And now to join the rest of the DUmmies in the midst of their "victory" celebrations...]

I love ya but, it'll only matter on Nov.2


Great news! I hope it holds up.

[IF it was ever up.]

Aqua Buddha's revenge.

[Aqua Buddha vs Goddess Gaia: Who would win in a street fight?]

I saw the "Aqua Buddha" ad last night and wanted to jump and scream YES!!! Finally a Democrat hits a sickening snake in the grass like Paul right where it hurts, THE F-ING RELIGIOUS NUT BASE. Finally someone is willing to fight and realize that playing "nice" against a germ like Rand Paul does nothing.

[YES!!! A dirty ad that has NOTHING to do with the issues. YES!!!]

when I saw that ad I was blown away, I just felt that was exactly what was needed in Kentucky, EXACTLY! For a guy like Rand Paul that cares for nobody but himself to have the support of the ubber religious people in this state just because he has an "R" after his name is sickening. It's time WE question THEIR spiritual credentials. Guys like him want to starve people, get miners killed, pointing that out is too intellectual, imagery was needed because it's what so many have been trained to respond to. Democrats want people to listen and think, BUT THEY DON'T, the media has trained them not to. And people who were lucky to get out of high school..... there are a lot of people in this state that have had no educational advantages, mostly because of conservative thinking. A statement needed to be made.

[A statement needed to be made so the desperate DUmmiecrats conjured up...Aqua Buddha.]

When Conway wins. I'll be long distance celebrating with you .

[You can also turn to Aqua Buddha for consolation on Election Night.]

When Conway wins. That far distant scream of happiness will be mine!

[A DUmmie expecting mass urinations of happiness in his diaper on Election Night.]

Internals almost always show their candidate in the lead, and are heavily skewed.


I donated to him this morning. It is absolutely critical that Paul is defeated!

[Bev Harris also enjoyed your money.]

I'll go on record as saying I thought the ad would backfire. It still makes me uncomfortable in that it looks like Conway is taking a, "He's not Christian enough to hold office," position, but in this case, in this political environment with the upcoming elections, I'll be an end justifies the means guy.

[A DUmmie admits his hypocrisy.]

Good news! Just sent him a few bucks.

[Good news! Scammed again!]

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

DUFU Audition Tips For DUmmies On Election Day...and Beyond

It is now exactly two weeks until Election Day. The DUmmies are obviously feeling a lot of tension. The big question for them is "Do I have what it takes to be featured in the DUmmie FUnnies?" Yes, there is certain to be a lot of competition to make it into the DUFUs so I understand their worries. Even though I expect MANY DUFU editions on Election Day and in the days that follow, there will also be many juicy DUmmie threads full of comedy nuggets to choose from. Since I have a certain fondness for the critters in my DUmmie Ant Farm so I am here to give them helpful tips on how to successfully audition for a spot in the DUmmie FUnnies so here goes in no particular order:

1. Drama Queen Antics: The more the Drama Queen melodrama you project, the better your chances of making it into the DUFU selection process. Let the 2004 stand up and melodramatically announce your names to the world stand out as a great example of what you can achieve in the Drama Queen category.

2. Cry voter machine fraud: Yes, even though this charge seemed to have faded away in 2006 and 2008 when the Democrats won big, it is sure to be resurrected if the Republicans gain ground. Since there will be many such charges, please be very creative in how you cry fowl.

3. Attack Obama: Yes, I know you have been holding in your disgust with The One for fear of being Tombstoned by Skinner but I have a feeling the dam will break on election night. The upside is that so many DUmmies will be attacking how Obama is destroying the Democrats that the numbers will simply overwhelm Skinner unless he wants to ban 90% of DUmmieland.

4. Retreat to Mysticism: Demoralized DUmmies retreating to mysticism is a great way to make the DUFU cut. I am really fond of alternate universes in which America decides to go socialist. Finding solace in the wisdom of the Hopi Elders is another great way to make it into the DUFUs. Oh, and finding hope in astrology is also quite entertaining especially if the moon enters Uranus.

5. William Rivers Pitt gives his two bits: Pied Piper Pitt playing pundit is always great for laughs. How well I remember his many promises of an election reversal in 2004 because of unknown legal papers filed in obscure Ohio courtrooms. That was Pitt playing his classic "insider in the know" game.

6. Blame Karl Rove: Rovian conspiracy theories about fixing the election always goes to the top of any DUFU audition list.

7. Stop the World, I Wanna Get Off: This final tip is probably the easiest way to get inducted in the DUFUs. Just declare that you completely give up on this country in particular and life in general. Screech about planning to leave this country or even taking the Heaven's Gate solution.

I hope you DUmmies have found these tips helpful. Study them carefully and you will definitely have an edge on your fellow DUmmies. Good luck on making it into the DUFUs on Election Day and/or in the days that follow!

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Delusional DUmmies Already Celebrating Sestak 'Victory' In PA

Freudenschade, baby!

Break out the champagne! The DUmmies are already celebrating the victory of Joe Sestak as the next Senator from Pennsylvania despite trailing Pat Toomey badly in the polls. And the cause for this certain "victory?" According to the DUmmies it is all because of just ONE TV commercial that just began airing. To hear the DUmmie jubilation you would think it was the most brilliant campaign commercial in the history of politics but when you actually watch the VIDEO, your reaction is sure to be "so what?" If the DUmmies are pinning their hopes of a Sestak victory entirely on a run of the mill campaign ad, then they are far more delusional than previously thought as you can see in this THREAD, "BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! Sestak Just Locked PA, Bank On It!" So let us now watch the DElusional DUmmies celebrate yet another "victory" before it actually happens in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, chronicling the adventures of Belle the Wonder Dog, is in the [brackets]:

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! Sestak Just Locked PA, Bank On It!

[Bank it! And if Sestak loses can we also shove this thread up the butt of William Rivers Pitt?]

The Sestak campaign put out a new ad today, and it's not quite like any other one I've ever seen.

[Gee! Using a dog in a nondescript campaign ad. What a game-changer...NOT!]

And it gives the phrase "Friday News Dump" a whole new meaning!

[It also gives the phrase DUmb DUmmies a whole new meaning!]

Bank It, It's Brilliant Done deal, I'm telling you. Perfectly timed and effective. Done. (Do NOT take this by any means as a message to do anything less that GOTV more than ever in PA, but this ad is a game changer, trust me).

[Posted a prime DUmmie candidate for a Nov. 2 one-way Heaven's Gate trip.]

Hee hee, thats great, I need to watch it again.

[And scream "I BEEEEEELEEEEEEVE!!!!!]

I am in PA and this is the first I have seen or heard of this ad. Maybe it's not playing in Pittsburgh media market yet. I think it's cute and clever.

[LOUSY FREEPER TROLL! My Dog Belle is the most BRILLIANT campaign commercial ever!]

Just Landed Today, It Will Be Everywhere Tomorrow, Watch, AND There will be tons of free coverage because it's "controversial". Done deal. Brilliant.

[My Dog Belle is the best inadvertent comedy video of this election.]

It's always smart to pull out a puppy! Don't see that in political ads often. I love it, and I so hope you are right.

[Yeah, nobody in the history of politics ever thought of injecting a dog into a campaign. Here Fala! Here Checkers!]

It's OVER!

[My Dog Belle nailed it for Sestak. The actual voting is merely a technicality.]

Every Dem ought to clone that ad and run it in their race.

[You want all the Democrats to be laughed out of office?]

One of the best campaign ads I've ever seen

[Such underwhelming brilliance!]

It is a good (and funny) ad but I doubt it alone will close an 8 pt gap. I mean I know the financial crisis was caused by Bush & company but I still don't like the bank bailout. I have to think a lot of independents/undecideds will see it the same way. Your "he locked PA" might be premature.

[LOUSY FREEPER TROLL!!! My Dog Belle will win it for Sestak and all other Democrats! Game over!]

Friday, October 15, 2010

"What are you so angry about?"

An angry DUmmie is a FUnnie DUmmie. And so we here at DUmmie FUnnies are neither surprised nor concerned by the unbridled ANGER of your average moonbat. Why, it's our bread and butter! But it seems at least one DUmmie, TygrBright, is troubled by the unrelenting vitriol being spewed around by her cohorts, as we see here in this THREAD, "What are you so angry about?"

So get out your blood-pressure cuff as we sample some seismic systolic readings, in Stroke-out Red, while the calm commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson--like franksolich, mellow, sitting back, relaxing, watching the show--is in the [brackets]:

What are you so angry about?


Did the sun not come up this morning?


Are there no leaves turning beautiful colors in your neighborhood?

[The trees are DYING!]

Is there no music for you to listen to?

[NO! Trees are dying, the earth is heating up, and you can listen to MUSIC???]

Anger raises your blood pressure.


Anger releases stress hormones in your brain and in your body, and those stress hormones make you feel worse.


when you're so angry, all you'll attract is other angry people.

[Why do you think I came to DU?]

There is much to be angry about. People do bad things, people do stupid things, people do mean things.


Do you want to change the world? Then let go of your anger.

[OK, TygrBright, you've convinced me. Take me to my happy place. . . .]

Let go of your anger.

[There, I'm starting to let go. . . . Help me, TygrBright. . . .]

Something good happened to you today. I just know it.

[HOW THE HELL WOULD--woops, sorry, TygrBright, you'll have to bear with me. . . .]

Maybe someone smiled at you.

[Yes, somebody smiled. . . .]

Maybe you heard a lovely melody.

[Lovely! Yes, in fact, I think it was "You Light Up My Life". . . . Or was it "Mandy"? Either way, it was lovely.]

Maybe you saw gorgeous colors in the sky as the sun set.

[Oh, I see gorgeous colors ANY time, whenever I take my special pills. . . .]

Maybe you tasted something that was delicious.

[REPUBLICAN FLESH! Oh, darn it! These angry thoughts keep creeping in! Please continue, TygrBright. . . .]

Maybe you felt warm and comfortable for a while. Maybe, just maybe, if you try, you can feel hopeful about something.

[DEATH TO REPUBLICANS! Oh, I think I'm losing you, TygrBright! I feel the mellowness slipping away! Help me!]

Let go of your anger.

[Happy place, happy place. . . . centering thoughts. . . . Jamocha Almond Fudge. . . .]

Positive change comes from positive people.

[Are you positive?]

Don't stop fighting. . . . But be a happy warrior.

[I want to DESTROY Republicans! But I'm happy about it!]

There will be a beautiful sunrise somewhere tomorrow. Maybe where you are.

[D*MN! MORE global warming!]

Let go of your anger.

[OK, OK, I'm letting go. . . .]

Breathe deep.

[The gathering gloom. Watch lights fade from every room. . . . Dang! Now you've got me quoting Moody Blues' lyrics! Alright, I'm letting go again. . . .]

Sleep well.


I love you.

[You love me. We're a happ-- OK, centering again. . . .]

I do, you know.

[Group hug!]

But I'm learning, slowly, to be glad I am alive. And to be glad that you are alive. And to try to love you, always.

Let go of your anger, just for a day or two. Let the anger melt out of your body, relax. Move freely. Dance a little. Fling yourself around like a giddy fool.

[OK, I'm giddy! I'm flinging! Oh, this is wonderful! THANK you, TygrBright! Now let's see how our other DUmmies are doing. . . . WHEEEEE!!!!!]

I love you too.


Peace and love!

[See, it's working! Oh joy!]

Here's what Ghandi said about anger. . . .

[IT'S "GANDHI," YOU MORAN! C'MON, GET IT RIGHT! . . . Oh, sorry. . . .]

The Mahatma is not saying 'let go of your anger it is bad' he is saying 'used properly anger can change the world.' . . . The OP says 'anger just raises your blood pressure, so chillax!' and that is not the same thing at all. . . . Gandhi: anger controlled can change the world. OP: Chill out, anger is bad for you. I'm with the Mahatma, frankly.

[DOWN with the OP! UP with the Mahatma!]

Yes, anger is problematic, i.e. look at the anger of some of the tea baggers. . . .

[I HATE those lousy teabaggers! They make me so MAD!!]

I am very sorry, I meant to rec and hit the wrong 'button'. . . . I hit unrec by mistake. . . .

[You did WHAT?!? That's it, I'm hitting Abuse!]

this reminds me of what Bush said after Enron collapse: don't worry about money so much, focus on your family and spiritual things.

[Aha! So THAT'S it! TygrBright must be a LOUSY FREEPER TROLL, trying to lull us into a state of sleepy chillaxity! NO, you WON'T get away with this, Bright! We'll NOT lose our angry!]

If you have to ask this question, then you are part of the problem, not part of the solution.


Sorry if I've offended anyone by seeming to dismiss or belittle your righteous anger.

[Shut your festering gob, you tit! Your type really makes me puke. . . .]

Thursday, October 14, 2010

DUmmies DU a Debbie Downer on the Chile mine rescue!

It's the feel-good story of the year! The Chile mine rescue transfixed, united, and gladdened the whole world that was watching. But leave it to the DUmmies of Democratic Underground to use the rescue operation as an occasion to blast two of their favorite EEEvils, namely, capitalism and religion.

Now, to be fair, many of the DUmmies did cheer and rejoice--it was hard not to. But there were not a few Debbie Downers who couldn't help but interject their pet hates into the story. You can see that on their several "live threads"--I'll link just
THREAD #3, but you can get to #1 and #2 from there.

(There's also another
THREAD, "The Chilean rescue is not a miracle," specifically devoted to bashing religion, but time does not permit DUFUing that one right now.)

So don your hard hat and climb in the tube capsule, as we descend to the depths of the basement-dwelling Undergrounders, in Revolución Rojo, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Carlos Henrickson--wondering if we can find a Hawaiian birth certificate for Chile's conservative, competent, patriotic president, Sebastián Piñera, and trade our guy in for him--is in the [brackets]:



I'd like to take this opportunity to offer my best wishes and hopes for a successful rescue and a joyous celebration for each miner with his family and friends. . . .

[Too positive! Must inject anti-capitalism views!]

I must admit, I haven't followed this, but I'm now wondering how often people get stuck so far underground. Is this a first this far underground?

[No, the people in the Democratic Underground are stuck far lower!]

Super good vibes to all of these men underground. . . . Good vibes to all involved!

["Vibes" (btw, not the best thing to wish for trapped miners). "Good vibes." No prayers to God for them--that would be too . . . eww, religious. Just "vibes.")

I'm having a panic attack just thinking about being in that capsule for 15 minutes. . . . me too.....I would be practicing my self talk to calm myself down. . . .

["Happy place, happy place . . . DU meet-up . . . Chakra release . . . Full bag of Chips Ahoy. . . ."]

I'm anxious just thinking about it, nevermind finding myself alone in a capsule in a long, dark, tight hole.

[That has never bothered benburch.]

El Presidente de Chile Sebastian Pinera speaks with miners and reviews rescue efforts.

[LOUSY CONSERVATIVE CAPITALIST PIG!!! Probably brainwashing the poor peon proles.]

I have claustrophobia so just THINKING about what these men have endured the last two months gives me the cold chills.

[Yes, it's pretty Chile down there.]

The President sings what I think may be Chile's national anthem with the rescue crew.

[A president who even knows his own national anthem! Imagine that!]

Godspeed. . . . God be with them.

[STOP! We'll have none of the "G" word around here!]

It would be great if they all came out wearing white sperm costumes. . . .

[They're miners, not seamen.]

A (graphic of two smilies toasting) to the engineers, first responders and designers of this rescue.

[Many of whom were AMERICANS! Yes, this rescue operation could not have been pulled off without the efforts of many white male heterosexual AMERICANS, guys who work for PRIVATE-ENTERPRISE CORPORATIONS, no less! Some of them may even go to CHURCH! Imagine: Capitalist corporatists with HEART??? UN. BE. LIEEEEEEEEEEEEV. ABLE!!!!]

This is what the human species can do when we aren't f***ing everything up.

[If it wasn't for Bush and the f***ing Rethuglicans, everything would be NICE, ALL THE TIME! No more mining disasters! Heck, the minerals would just come up out of the ground all on their own!]

Big hugs from El Presidente!

[Impossible! Piñera is a f***ing CAPITALIST CONSERVATIVE! This must be some kind of trick. . . .]

Gawd, I'm gonna be up all night watching, crying and celebrating!

[Hey, that's what I plan to be doing the night of November 2!]

I noticed earlier in the night that many of the miners' t-shirts on the back have stuff written on them. . . .

[Like BIBLE verses, expressing faith in GOD and giving glory to GOD! Boo! Hiss!]

It's not often I can see a triumph of engineering, medical science, rescue science, and possibly another intervention in one place at one time!

[Go on, you can say it: DIVINE intervention!]

It is great to see Americans helping in the Latin Americas. Instead of the usual usurping of their governments.

[It must be . . . why, it must be because of OBAMA! Yes, what else could explain it? Otherwise, do you think Americans would be HELPING people?? Ha!]

Happy for the families...PISSED AT THE FAR RIGHT GOVERNMENT!!

[D*MN that Piñera! Pretending that he cares about people! Leading the singing of the national anthem--by heart! Speaking without a teleprompter! Giving thanks to God! Staying on-site and being involved! What's he trying to do, make our guy look bad?? And how come he doesn't use this crisis to shut down all mines and take over the industry?? DOWN with Piñera!]

The ENTIRE EPISODE can be attributed to one thing, and one thing only: PURE REPUBLICAN GREEED!!

[BUSH'S FAULT! Cheney, too--this is probably a Halliburton mine!]

The mines MUST be taken over by the government, and most of them should CLOSE. ALL profits from the mines should be completely taken over by the government, and all the greedy bastard stockholders and Republican profiteers be criminally charged and have their finances completely repatriated. As happy as I am for the poor miners, I am a HUNDRED TIMES AS PISSED AT THE REPBUBLICAN MINDSET THAT MADE THIS HAPPEN!!! You guys can be happy for the families, but I'm concentrating on making sure that there are NO MORE FAMILIES that will ever...EVER!! have to go through this hell on earth ordeal, 100% caused by the Republican Party and its sinister offshoots.

[DUmmie BanTheGOP, you win the Debbie Downer Buzzkill Award®!]

Glad you're enjoying the experience with the rest of us. It's just heat-warming and exciting!

[How can you warm heat?]

I am proud to be an American because Americans played a big part in the rescue. . . .

[No, no, no! No nationalist pride! Apologize! Yes, we must apologize instead!]

there is a god and she is wonderful.

[Praise Gaia!]

Yes, it was the American team drilling Plan B that broke through first out of, I think, three teams.

[Shhh! Quiet!]

I think the American team was in Paraguay punching some water wells when they answered the call to go to Chile.

[You mean it was the incentive of the profit motive that gave these American private-enterprise companies the skill and expertise needed to do this job efficiently?? And they had the heart and willingness to help?? NO!]

Republicans cause DESTRUCTION, Democrats/Socialists render HUMANITY. . . . Chile Mine: Caused by Republican (Far right) Capitalist Greed, Rescue controlled by Socialist Humanitarian and Non-Greed Efficiency of PEOPLE FIRST, PROFITS LAST!

[Alright, DUmmie BanTheGOP, you've already won the Debbie Downer Award®. But I guess you're right: There never were any mining disasters--people never risked going underground to get minerals--in the entire history of mankind until those d*mn Rethuglicans came along!]

Mr. Rojas is up and is kneeling in thankful prayer.

[Somebody STOP him! Separation of church and state! Call the ACLU!]

President Obama commenting now, congratulating all involved.

["I'd like to thank me. . . ."]

Has the President been there all this time? Has he welcomed every single miner so far?

[Yes, President **Piñera** has been heavily involved all along, making sure the job got done. For some strange reason, he didn't take vacation days and golf trips while this was going on.]

they had to work on the door again this morning. . . . it was a minor problem. . . .

[So to speak.]

every time the empty capsule went down last night they should have been putting water/food/etc in there to send down. That way if there had been a problem with the capsule (at any point) then there would have been a bunch of supplies down there. . . .

[They WERE going to send down bottles of celebratory champagne, but then they realized they shouldn't be serving alcohol to miners.]

This has been the feel good story of the century. I'm so happy they are coming up safely.

[No, no! No celebrating! This is about the greed and the capitalism! And those Chileans are WAY too patriotic and religious! And that right-wing Rethug Piñera . . . don't get me started!]

Wow. And like a good leader, Pinera was there for the duration.

[Hmmm, I sense a little slam toward another leader hidden in there. Hee! Hee!]

What a successful story but it would not have happened without American intervention.


Tuesday, October 12, 2010

"Obama is taking the entire party on his skinny shoulders"

Faster than a speeding bail-out. . . . More powerful than a teleprompter. . . . Able to create huge deficits in a single bill. . . .

"Look, down in the polls!" "It's a burden!" "It's a plague!" "It's SUPERBAM!"

Yes, it's SUPERBAM, strange visitor from . . . somewhere . . . who came to the White House with powers far beyond those of his abilities. SUPERBAM, who can change the Court with wise Latinas, spend and steal with his Barry handouts, and who, disguised as Barack Obama, mild-mannered organizer now a grating metrosexual president, fights a never-ending battle for speaking TRUTH to POWER that GETS IN HIS WAY.

Sooo . . . the guy's poison in the polls right now, and he, personally, is going to lead the party to glorious victory over the next three weeks??? That's the theory of DUmmie impik, here in this
THREAD, "Obama is taking the entire party on his skinny shoulders."

So let us travel to Bizarro World and pick up a copy of the DUmmie Planet, where the newsprint is in Bolshevik Red Ink, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson--following up PJ's post of this morning with more DC Comix, making this a DUbble DUFU Day!--is in the [Barackets]:

Obama is taking the entire party on his skinny shoulders

[This sounds like a job for . . . SUPERBAM!]

It's him against the GOP and their billions and billions of dollars.

[Billions and billions of dollars are CHUMP CHANGE for the Man of Steal!]

The rally today in Philadelphia made it very clear: He hardly mentioned the actual candidates names. He told these 18,500 people to go out and vote for HIM.

[The guy's polling barely above leukemia. This may not be a smart move.]

And frankly, that is our only chance.

[Hey, always look on the bright side of life!]

And i'm going to do whatever i can to help this super courageous man.

[Oh, Superbam, how can we ever thank you!! . . . And now let's hear what the other DUmmies think . . .]

??? You are joking, right?

[NO! DUmmie impik is SERIES! Either that, or impik is a LOUSY FREEPER TROLL, just havin' FUn with you guys!]

Now that his administration has alienated the Democratic base to such an extent that the Republicons will probably take over the House, he starts talking.

[All your base are below the bus.]

Well, my good friend President Obama is going to have a little surprise during the primaries in 2012.

[GRAYSON 2012]

Appointing nobel prize winning physicist Dr. Steven Chu to be the U.S. Secretary of Energy was deeply satisfying for a science nerd like myself. And when Obama picked Frances Beinecke, the President of the Natural Resources Defense Council (NRDC) to serve on the BP Deepwater Horizon Oil Spill and Offshore Drilling Commission, I practically danced for joy.

[Yes, Chu and Beinecke--THAT will put us over the top on Election Day! WOO-HOO! Dancing With The Czars, baby!]

Biden told "the base" to stop whining

[Hardscrabble Joe is a graduate of the Dale Carnegie Institute for Winning Friends and Influencing People. "Stand up, Chuck . . . and stop your whining!"]

I wish I could be as oblivious to the facts as you are. That's not a dig or an insult at all. I guess you and I could be walking through the forest and you'd focus on the pretty bark of the nearest tree and how the park ranger recently swept the leaves off the trail while I would have no choice but to focus on the fact that the trail is taking us directly toward a raging forest fire. I'm sorry I can't join you on your appreciation of the pretty bark and the neatness of the trail that is leading us toward imminent disaster. I honestly wish that God had not given me the ability to see both the trees AND the forest. After all, ignorance is bliss.

[No, that's not a dig or an insult at all!]

I could go on but I'm tired of doing your thinking for you. Use your head for more than a hat rack. . . .

[DUmmie txlibdem, you sure know how to not insult people!]

THIS is the whinig Biden is talking about, stop your half cup empty crap

[Yeah! The cup is actually FULL . . . of crap!]

you will see how far with President Obama we've actually come in 2 short years.

[We've got RECORD deficits, bigger than ever! And just wait till health care kicks in! Yes, Obama is doing a LOT!]

Please live in your fantasy universe where betrayal is "building a foundation" if you like it better there. . . . I have a plan to bring about actual change - dump Obama in the 2012 primaries and bring in a true Democrat.

[Eugene V. Debs, Now More Than Ever]

What would be your idea of a "True Democrat"? Howard Dean . . . ? Dennis Kucinich . . . ? Or somebody even LESS electable.

[Alvin Greene: Flirt Like a Butterfly, Swing Like a "D"]

I'm glad that life under Obama has handed you roses and coffee cake. That's just not what most of his supporters have experienced.

[The Days of Whine and Roses.]

Your "good friend President Obama" will do very well without the professional left and 1000 people on on the Internet who actually believe that they are the base.

[Yes, watch now as SUPERBAM carries the Democratics to glorious VICTORY on November 3! On his skinny shoulders!]

the party? ....... THE WORLD

[Yes, SUPERBAM is carrying the WORLD on his super-shoulders, carrying the WORLD to a New Age of Peace, Progressivicity, and Super-Niceness!!]

Skinny shoulders but he's tough we've got his back (some of us!)

[Thank you, John Kerry!]

And he can skateboard!

[Yeah, well, John Kerry can snowboard!]

We should be laughing, singing, dancing, having a good time...the GOPers are stifling our FUN LEVEL

[C'mon, people, let's all get up and DANCE and SING! Where's that old DUmmie joie de vivre? Laissez les bon temps rouler! Victory is OURS! This election is IN THE BAG! Freudenschade, baby! SUPERBAM is on the job!!!]

He needs to work his skinny ass off..since he's the reason so many Democrats are in serious trouble right now.

[Like a splash of cold water realism in the face of Fantasy Freudenschade-ing, DUmmie girl gone mad closes us out with today's Kewpie-Doll-winning Brief Moment of Mental Clarity®. Congratulations, girl gone mad!]

Alan Grayson Enters DUmmieland to BEG for Money!!!

Alan Grayson is just $10 away from being re-elected.

In a case like where the mental patient breaks into the asylum, sanity-challenged Congressman Alan Grayson has entered DUmmieland to BEG for money. You just have to know Grayson is really desperate if he has to plead to that bunch of loons as you can see in his THREAD, "We Are #1! #1 in Right-Wing Attacks Against Us!" So let us now watch Alan Grayson plead for bucks from the DUmmie inmates in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, fitting Grayson for his straitjacket, in the [brackets]:

We Are #1! #1 in Right-Wing Attacks Against Us!

[Screeched Alan Grayson as his teeth bit down on the leather strap.]

On Friday, the DC newspaper "Politico" reported that:

(a) "conservative outside groups" have now spent over $9 million "slamming vulnerable House Democrats," and

(b) the total against me will reach "at least $1.7 million by the end of next week."

Think about that. I am only one member of the U.S. House of Representatives, out of 435. I represent one-quarter of one percent of America. And yet roughly TWENTY PERCENT of spending in the entire country by these shadowy right-wing groups has been spent to defeat . . .


I feel so proud!

I must be doing something right.

This is my first term in Congress. I have no seniority. I don’t sit on the most powerful committees, like the Appropriations Committee or the Ways and Means Committee. I’m not a member of the Democratic Leadership. So why would these right-wing groups spend nearly 20 percent of their entire national budget to try to defeat me?

Because I can’t be bought. I won’t do what they tell me to do. And I won’t back down.

There are 12,000 registered federal lobbyists. That’s more than 20 for every member of Congress. From Election Night onward, they try to buy you. And if they can’t buy you, then they try to bury you. Which is what is happening now.

My vote is not for sale.

I owe nothing to anyone but the voters. I won’t go to the lobbyists for help. That’s why they’re trying to take me out. The only one to whom I can turn is . . . you.

So please help our campaign:

Rep. Alan Grayson

[Translation: My campaign has become so DESPERATE that I am now stooping to begging money from DUmmies. And now to the DUmmie reaction...]

Spit in their eye..and laugh in their faces. Alan, you got balls. But, you know they are gunning for you and they will celebrate hugely if they can beat you. We appreciate your chutzpah and your understanding that you are there to represent the people and are not afraid to lose.

[And lose he shall. Somehow I don't think Grayson will go gently into the night. Look for him to be strapped down and rolled out of Congress on a gurney by the men in the white coats.]

Joe Kennedy used to say, when the dogs are barking, you know you're winning.

[I thought Joe said when you hear the dogs barking, you know you're drunk.]

welcome to DU....This should be interesting.

[And FUnnie!!!]

You are doing it so right Grayson, I can't say enough good. Could you tell the Clintonians squatting in the White House to try a little Grayson technique?

[Yeah. Could you tell them to bite down on a leather strap while working up a nice rabid foam around the mouth?]

The fact is that the GOP is sending crazy people to cut all of our throats and only a few dedicated Dems, like yourself, are standing in their way.

[Talking about crazy people...]

I am clear across the country, but plan to contribute to your campaign again on my next pay period. Um.............

[Better contribute your $10 before the Bush tax cuts expire.]

I think it must be him/his campaign - they were allowed to start a thread with their first post which indicates that admin 'pre-approved' the DU account to start threads, because they'd checked it's really him. Normally you have to post a few replies before you can start threads.

[Asylum administrator Skinner gave the go-ahead for the new DUmmie patient to shake down his fellow inmates for bucks. Alan Grayson is just $10 away from being re-elected!]

No offense Mr. Grayson, but shouldn't you be trying to get reelected rather than posting on an internet forum?

[No offense but this is a great illustration of just how DESPERATE the Alan Grayson campaign has become.]

Welcome to DU! It's a little crazy at times, but you have a lot of friends here.

[The crazier it is, the more welcome Grayson feels.]

Thank You for posting.... best $50 I've spent in a few months.

[You might as well have burned that bill for all the good it will do.]

I think we all can agree it's time to get money out of politics.

[So why didn't you tell Obama that during his 2008 campaign?]

Hi Mr. Grayson, can you please clone yourself?

[There is another asylum that needs filling.]

Bestest sockpuppet evarh..?

[Sorry. The Temporary Sockpuppet was the bestest sockpuppet evarh.]

Every dollar I can spare will be going to your campaign.

[You have money left over after donating every dollar you could spare to Bev Harris?]

Sir, I have never seen a politician quite like you. I will vote for you as President someday.. You are a man of honor. You speak truth to POWER
without flinching. Not only that, but you do it with such panache. YOU ARE MY HERO. Long life to you. You are truly amazing.

[A DUmmie tribute to the poster boy for the sanity-challenged.]

I only wish I lived in your district so I could vote for you.

[No problem. Just have a designated corpse cast a ballot in your name.]