"Here She Is, Our Miss DUmmieland": DUmmie of the Year crowned!
The finalists are all standing on the stage, holding hands, smiling--though nervous--their pearly whites shining through red-glossed lips. The suspense is building. At last it's time to crown the winner. It's come down to this. . . . "And the winner of DUmmie of the Year for 2011 is . . . Miss Fallout Shelter, NADIN BRZEZINSKI!"
The crowd cheers! The sash is draped over Nadin's siza--over Nadin. She's reachiing for the crown hat. She begins her victorious walk up the runway. Hit it, Bert Parks! And let's all sing along!
HERE SHE IS, OUR MISS DUMMIELAND
Tune: "There She Is, Miss America"
Here she is, our Miss DUmmieland
Here she is, our Nadin
The dream of a million posts that she typed out by hand
Now comes true here on Skins's Island
For she has turned out to be
The queen of gross stupidity!
Here she is, our Miss DUmmieland
Here she is, our Nadin
With so many DUzies she took the DUmp by storm
With her condescending need to inform
And here she is
Miss Blogosphere, she is
DUmmie of the Year, she is
Our Miss DUmmieland!
No, that's not Nadin. That's Nina Khruschchev. This is Nadin. Close.
Yes, ladies and germs, Nadin Brzezinski has been named DUmmie of the Year. You can ready about it here, Top DUmmie of 2011. No contest, really. Nadin in a landslide. And with good reason. This has been, without a doubt, the Year of Nadin. She has DOMINATED the DUmp this year with post after mind-numbing post, her condescension and Know-it-allness, her malaprops and nadinisms, and her general laffable looniness dripping from every pore.
And we at DUmmie FUnnies THANK her, big-time, for supplying us with so much comedy gold! Look at this impressive list, even going back to the end of last year:
DUmmie FUnnies 12-17-10 (Know-it-all Nadin makes late run for DUmmie of Year! PLUS breaking news!)
DUmmie FUnnies 02-02-11 (Palinoia strikes deep: DUmmies DUped by Palin-invade-Egypt spoof!)
DUmmie FUnnies 02-03-11 (Know-it-all Nadin off to strong start for DUmmie of the Year)
DUmmie FUnnies 02-05-11 (Lady NaDa gives a shout out: "DUmmy FUNNIES... Hey Freepers")
DUmmie FUnnies 03-18-11 (Know-it-all Nadin the Drama Queen is BACK!)
DUmmie FUnnies 03-29-11 (Know-it-all Nadin is BACK, saying "Told you so"!)
DUmmie FUnnies 06-28-11 (Know-it-all Nadin, "On alien life, and whether it is possible")
DUmmie FUnnies 07-19-11 (Know-it-all Nadin wants to know: "How long until we take to the streets?")
DUmmie FUnnies 08-25-11 (Know-it-all Nadin, the Master of Disaster, takes on quakes)
DUmmie FUnnies 08-26-11 (Hurricane Nadin hits DUmmieland!)
DUmmie FUnnies 12-02-11 (DUmmie of the Year nominee shows her stuff: Nadin knows . . . human waste)
DUmmie FUnnies 12-09-11 ("Props to nadinbrzezinski," Girl Reporter!)
(Links to most of those DUFUs here.)
So to close out 2011, we'll do one last Nadin thread.
Let us travel now to sunny San Diego, California, where the Fukushima death clouds have finally parted. Our intrepid girl reporter, Nosey Nadin
Brave little poster that she is, Nadin is even taking a daring test drive, up and down and all around the auto show floor. And--get this--the vehicle she's riding in is called . . . the Rubicon! I kid you not. They're taking that baby on a tilt-a-whirl of a ride, at speeds up to 5 mph, and guess what, no tipping point!
What's more, Nosey Nadin has brought her video gear (batteries included) along with her and posted a POV YouTube--in which you can hear the Nadster speak! It's all here! Behold, reportage! Nadin in the Red, your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, in the [brackets]:
VROOM! INTERNATIONAL AUTO SHOW HAS POWER, STYLE & SIZZLE
[DOOM! OCCUPY NADIN HAS SOLD OUT TO CAPITALIST POWER, STYLE & SIZZLE]
The technology has come a long way in a short decade. . . .
[This decade only went seven years.]
Realize the technology is moving forwards. From the first time I saw one of these suckers, an Insight in 2000 to now... who'd thunk we'd see Hyrbrid Electric full sized trucks?
[Hyrbrids-who'da thunk it? Who can even spell it?]
Of course as of now getting these engines into a tractor trailer might be truly a dream. I cannot wait to see some of the redesigns that actually make THOSE aerodynamic and less drag. (And yes, there is an issue with what do you do with the batteries after the fact)
[Nadin cannot get away from the batteries.]
TEST-DRIVING A JEEP. . . . Jeep Rubicon brought back the Jeep experience. This means a ride in a current year Jeep over an obstacle course built inside the Convention center.
(View my video, shot from the front seat)
[Nadin has cruised the Rubicon.]
Suffice it to say, even over the roughest parts of the ride, the vehicle handles quite smoothky. What impressed me the most is that the Jeep is capable of going over a thirty degree embankment at five miles per hour and will not tip over.
[Nadin reached the tipping point--and didn't tip.]
All these vehicles are still produced in Japan, but due to the Fukushima earthquake, Toyota is considering production in the US. There were some serious issues with the supply chain and backups after the quake hit.
[Not to mention the radiation emissions. They're all Fuku'ed up.]
Of note, Toyotas are also the official vehicles used by the San Diego Lifeguards.
[Noted, Nadin. Next time I want to drive a vehicle into the ocean, I will choose a Toyota.]
the Backup Collision Intervention System. It is essentially a Radar\Sonar unit that will detect people behind the driver as he backs the vehicle.
[Nadin knows Sonar. She learned all about it from Captain Nemo at the health food store.]
It will warn the driver, and it will also apply the breaks. . . .
[Those are the brakes.]
Oh and yes, the side mirrors do fold in, protecting them from damage while parked. It does have a rear camera standard, and for those of us who are short, the pedals adjust.
[Now we know that Naddy is short--short of stature, I mean.]
better mileage than it’s competitors. . . .
Unlike it’s gas cousin. . . .
Like it’s cousin the Silverado. . . .
The Nissan Leaf is now in it’s second year of production. Like all vehicles in it’s class. . . .
decent mileage for it’s class. . . .
impressive mileage for it’s class. . . .
[Its an apostrophe catastrophe.]
And good to know, I always wonder about the batteries.
[Them pesky batteries again. Oh and yes, Nadin, that reminds me. When you go out on your many reporting assignments, and you do not only your award-winning reporting but also the photography and now videography, just to be safe you might want to think about getting one of them hyrbrid cameras--you know, part electric, part gasoline.]
[Well, folks, add "Auto Show Reporter" to an already-impressive résumé. Is there ANYTHING this woman does not know? I say, No! And that is why Nadin Brzezinski now is--and deservedly so--DUMMIE OF THE YEAR! Congratulations, Nadin! Very nice.]