Thursday, October 14, 2010

DUmmies DU a Debbie Downer on the Chile mine rescue!



It's the feel-good story of the year! The Chile mine rescue transfixed, united, and gladdened the whole world that was watching. But leave it to the DUmmies of Democratic Underground to use the rescue operation as an occasion to blast two of their favorite EEEvils, namely, capitalism and religion.

Now, to be fair, many of the DUmmies did cheer and rejoice--it was hard not to. But there were not a few Debbie Downers who couldn't help but interject their pet hates into the story. You can see that on their several "live threads"--I'll link just
THREAD #3, but you can get to #1 and #2 from there.

(There's also another
THREAD, "The Chilean rescue is not a miracle," specifically devoted to bashing religion, but time does not permit DUFUing that one right now.)

So don your hard hat and climb in the tube capsule, as we descend to the depths of the basement-dwelling Undergrounders, in Revolución Rojo, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Carlos Henrickson--wondering if we can find a Hawaiian birth certificate for Chile's conservative, competent, patriotic president, Sebastián Piñera, and trade our guy in for him--is in the [brackets]:

*** OFFICIAL CHILEAN MINER RESCUE THREAD #1 ***

[*** ANOTHER EXCUSE TO BASH GOD AND GREED #1 ***]

I'd like to take this opportunity to offer my best wishes and hopes for a successful rescue and a joyous celebration for each miner with his family and friends. . . .

[Too positive! Must inject anti-capitalism views!]

I must admit, I haven't followed this, but I'm now wondering how often people get stuck so far underground. Is this a first this far underground?

[No, the people in the Democratic Underground are stuck far lower!]

Super good vibes to all of these men underground. . . . Good vibes to all involved!

["Vibes" (btw, not the best thing to wish for trapped miners). "Good vibes." No prayers to God for them--that would be too . . . eww, religious. Just "vibes.")

I'm having a panic attack just thinking about being in that capsule for 15 minutes. . . . me too.....I would be practicing my self talk to calm myself down. . . .

["Happy place, happy place . . . DU meet-up . . . Chakra release . . . Full bag of Chips Ahoy. . . ."]

I'm anxious just thinking about it, nevermind finding myself alone in a capsule in a long, dark, tight hole.

[That has never bothered benburch.]

El Presidente de Chile Sebastian Pinera speaks with miners and reviews rescue efforts.

[LOUSY CONSERVATIVE CAPITALIST PIG!!! Probably brainwashing the poor peon proles.]

I have claustrophobia so just THINKING about what these men have endured the last two months gives me the cold chills.

[Yes, it's pretty Chile down there.]

The President sings what I think may be Chile's national anthem with the rescue crew.

[A president who even knows his own national anthem! Imagine that!]

Godspeed. . . . God be with them.

[STOP! We'll have none of the "G" word around here!]

It would be great if they all came out wearing white sperm costumes. . . .

[They're miners, not seamen.]

A (graphic of two smilies toasting) to the engineers, first responders and designers of this rescue.

[Many of whom were AMERICANS! Yes, this rescue operation could not have been pulled off without the efforts of many white male heterosexual AMERICANS, guys who work for PRIVATE-ENTERPRISE CORPORATIONS, no less! Some of them may even go to CHURCH! Imagine: Capitalist corporatists with HEART??? UN. BE. LIEEEEEEEEEEEEV. ABLE!!!!]

This is what the human species can do when we aren't f***ing everything up.

[If it wasn't for Bush and the f***ing Rethuglicans, everything would be NICE, ALL THE TIME! No more mining disasters! Heck, the minerals would just come up out of the ground all on their own!]

Big hugs from El Presidente!

[Impossible! Piñera is a f***ing CAPITALIST CONSERVATIVE! This must be some kind of trick. . . .]

Gawd, I'm gonna be up all night watching, crying and celebrating!

[Hey, that's what I plan to be doing the night of November 2!]

I noticed earlier in the night that many of the miners' t-shirts on the back have stuff written on them. . . .

[Like BIBLE verses, expressing faith in GOD and giving glory to GOD! Boo! Hiss!]

It's not often I can see a triumph of engineering, medical science, rescue science, and possibly another intervention in one place at one time!

[Go on, you can say it: DIVINE intervention!]

It is great to see Americans helping in the Latin Americas. Instead of the usual usurping of their governments.

[It must be . . . why, it must be because of OBAMA! Yes, what else could explain it? Otherwise, do you think Americans would be HELPING people?? Ha!]

Happy for the families...PISSED AT THE FAR RIGHT GOVERNMENT!!

[D*MN that Piñera! Pretending that he cares about people! Leading the singing of the national anthem--by heart! Speaking without a teleprompter! Giving thanks to God! Staying on-site and being involved! What's he trying to do, make our guy look bad?? And how come he doesn't use this crisis to shut down all mines and take over the industry?? DOWN with Piñera!]

The ENTIRE EPISODE can be attributed to one thing, and one thing only: PURE REPUBLICAN GREEED!!

[BUSH'S FAULT! Cheney, too--this is probably a Halliburton mine!]

The mines MUST be taken over by the government, and most of them should CLOSE. ALL profits from the mines should be completely taken over by the government, and all the greedy bastard stockholders and Republican profiteers be criminally charged and have their finances completely repatriated. As happy as I am for the poor miners, I am a HUNDRED TIMES AS PISSED AT THE REPBUBLICAN MINDSET THAT MADE THIS HAPPEN!!! You guys can be happy for the families, but I'm concentrating on making sure that there are NO MORE FAMILIES that will ever...EVER!! have to go through this hell on earth ordeal, 100% caused by the Republican Party and its sinister offshoots.

[DUmmie BanTheGOP, you win the Debbie Downer Buzzkill Award®!]

Glad you're enjoying the experience with the rest of us. It's just heat-warming and exciting!

[How can you warm heat?]

I am proud to be an American because Americans played a big part in the rescue. . . .

[No, no, no! No nationalist pride! Apologize! Yes, we must apologize instead!]

there is a god and she is wonderful.

[Praise Gaia!]

Yes, it was the American team drilling Plan B that broke through first out of, I think, three teams.

[Shhh! Quiet!]

I think the American team was in Paraguay punching some water wells when they answered the call to go to Chile.

[You mean it was the incentive of the profit motive that gave these American private-enterprise companies the skill and expertise needed to do this job efficiently?? And they had the heart and willingness to help?? NO!]

Republicans cause DESTRUCTION, Democrats/Socialists render HUMANITY. . . . Chile Mine: Caused by Republican (Far right) Capitalist Greed, Rescue controlled by Socialist Humanitarian and Non-Greed Efficiency of PEOPLE FIRST, PROFITS LAST!

[Alright, DUmmie BanTheGOP, you've already won the Debbie Downer Award®. But I guess you're right: There never were any mining disasters--people never risked going underground to get minerals--in the entire history of mankind until those d*mn Rethuglicans came along!]

Mr. Rojas is up and is kneeling in thankful prayer.

[Somebody STOP him! Separation of church and state! Call the ACLU!]

President Obama commenting now, congratulating all involved.

["I'd like to thank me. . . ."]

Has the President been there all this time? Has he welcomed every single miner so far?

[Yes, President **Piñera** has been heavily involved all along, making sure the job got done. For some strange reason, he didn't take vacation days and golf trips while this was going on.]

they had to work on the door again this morning. . . . it was a minor problem. . . .

[So to speak.]

every time the empty capsule went down last night they should have been putting water/food/etc in there to send down. That way if there had been a problem with the capsule (at any point) then there would have been a bunch of supplies down there. . . .

[They WERE going to send down bottles of celebratory champagne, but then they realized they shouldn't be serving alcohol to miners.]

This has been the feel good story of the century. I'm so happy they are coming up safely.

[No, no! No celebrating! This is about the greed and the capitalism! And those Chileans are WAY too patriotic and religious! And that right-wing Rethug Piñera . . . don't get me started!]

Wow. And like a good leader, Pinera was there for the duration.

[Hmmm, I sense a little slam toward another leader hidden in there. Hee! Hee!]

What a successful story but it would not have happened without American intervention.

[LOUSY FREEPER TROLL!!!]

22 Comments:

Anonymous Jerome Goolsby said...

"DUmmie BanTheGOP" is a perfect clone of Troglaman the Gutternsnipe

2:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This had me laughing out loud:

"Many of whom were AMERICANS! Yes, this rescue operation could not have been pulled off without the efforts of many white male heterosexual AMERICANS, guys who work for PRIVATE-ENTERPRISE CORPORATIONS, no less! Some of them may even go to CHURCH! Imagine: Capitalist corporatists with HEART??? UN. BE. LIEEEEEEEEEEEEV. ABLE!!!!"

It really was wonderful to see Americans there to help. I see us all over the world, handing out disaster relief supplies, aiding in rescue efforts, loading up the sick and injured onto planes. America really is a great country, and whether those DUmmies like it or not, our compassion and ability to help others has been made possible by capitalism.

3:56 PM  
Blogger Tazzerman said...

Wow, BanTheGOP has it BAD! bad bad bad -tm

3:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Chile Mine: Caused by Republican (Far right) Capitalist Greed, Rescue controlled by Socialist Humanitarian and Non-Greed Efficiency of PEOPLE FIRST, PROFITS LAST!

That's why mines are so safe in China!

4:38 PM  
Blogger commoncents said...

We've been all over this as well on Common Cents...

http://www.commoncts.blogspot.com

1:52 AM  
Blogger Lazarus Long said...

The mine is owned by a state owned corporation.

7:40 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"The mine is owned by a state owned corporation."

LOL, ooops! Kind of blows the whole down with capitalism argument.

12:50 PM  
Anonymous Elrond Hubbard said...

Much of the rescue equipment was donated by private businesses in the United States. The drill that enabled the miners to escape was developed by a company in Pennsylvania which sent it at no cost to Chile. The camera that enabled the resuers to locate the trapped miners was developed here in Wisconsin and given to Chile, etc, etc.

The SEIU and community organizers were not involved.

2:42 PM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"The SEIU and community organizers were not involved." elrond

How do you know that?

1:22 AM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"The mine is owned by a state owned corporation."

"LOL, ooops! Kind of blows the whole down with capitalism argument." troglanon

You're a fucking idiot.

Here's your first mistake - "the state owns it". Give me an example of a "state owned corporation."

Can't do it. Therefore you're a moron.

1:43 AM  
Blogger Lazarus Long said...

"Here's your first mistake - "the state owns it". Give me an example of a "state owned corporation.""

Fannie Mae.

Freddie Mac.

General Motors.

You fucking flea-brained moron.

6:29 AM  
Blogger Lazarus Long said...

""The SEIU and community organizers were not involved." elrond

How do you know that?"

Because the resue actually, you know, succeeded.

6:31 AM  
Anonymous Jerome Goolsby said...

I see Troglaman the Guttersnipe is having more and more difficulty keeping reality out of his fantasy world. He's becoming more incoherent and vicious in his posts (if that's possible).

I for one can't wait to see what happens on Election Day when Guttersnipe will have spend at least 12-24 hours doing nothing but power-slam his head up his ass after his clones lose power.

12:51 PM  
Anonymous Elrond Hubbard said...

"The SEIU and community organizers were not involved." elrond

"How do you know that?" dumbshit

Go to cnn.com look up an article dated 10/13/10 written by David gergen and Natalie Sherman (I can't do the link on this @#!! blog).

Help came from American corporations (drill bits, cameras), NASA doctors (nutrition and sanitation) and individual Americans (who directed the drilling). The rescue tube was designed by a former Navy submarine captain.

4:11 PM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"Help came from American corporations (drill bits, cameras), NASA doctors (nutrition and sanitation) and individual Americans (who directed the drilling). The rescue tube was designed by a former Navy submarine captain." elrond

I know. I don't dispute that. It was a good thing. People pulled together. Do you know for a fact that SEIU wasn't involved? Or were you just being snarky?

1:06 AM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"power-slam his head up his ass" jackhammer jerome

First it was "jackhammering" my head up my ass, now it's "power-slamming" my head up my ass.

jerome is having fun imagining the variety of ways the mighty trog can stick his head up his ass. What can we learn from this?

Well, since he uses descriptions like "power-slamming" and "jackhammering", I think it'd be safe to say jerome likes it rough. Am I right or what?

1:21 AM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

I'm sooo sick of the political ads.

The Murray/Rossi race here is all consuming. You can't get away from the bullshit. It's knee-high. A commercial break on TV or radio means two or three ads from each of them. Switch stations, change channels, same shit. It's Chinese torture. These fuckers are going to drive us all mad. We'll be driven into a civil war...stabbing each other with yard signs.

Doomed, I tell you.

2:03 AM  
Anonymous Elrond Hubbard said...

"Do you know for a fact that SEIU was not involved."

For a fact? No. But no news outlet mentions it nor does the SEIU website. Hence my snarky conclusion.

5:40 PM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"For a fact? No. But no news outlet mentions it nor does the SEIU website. Hence my snarky conclusion." elrond

Well then. You may be wrong.

12:22 AM  
Anonymous Elrond Hubbard said...

But I could be right.

1:35 PM  
Anonymous Elrond Hubbard said...

But I may be right.

1:36 PM  
Anonymous Elrond Hubbard said...

But I may be right.

1:36 PM  

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