A FUnnie look at the loony residents of the Democratic Underground aka DUmmies in particular and the Leftwing Blogosphere in general.
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
DUmmie Suffers Smart Phone Culture Shock
Some DUmmies have discovered Smart Phones and they are puzzled by the technology as you can see in this THREAD, "I finally got a smart phone." Guess what? Your humble correspondent also got a smart phone a couple of months ago. An LG Motion. So why did I wait so long? The main reason is that I wanted a cell phone with HD quality video and since the LG Motion has excellent 1080 HD video, I went for it. You can see for yourself the quality from this VIDEO recorded recently on my LG Motion. It features my niece and nephew, Genesis and James Jones. BTW, I will soon be featuring them in their own online video show. It won't be your typical children's show since it will also be of great interest to adults as well. For example, one show will change the way you eat breakfast. No kidding. Okay, enough of PJ "home movies" and back to the DUmmies... The amazing thing here is that just 10 years ago, crude phone cameras represented the cutting edge of cell phones. We take it for granted now, but smart phones have radically changed much of our life styles. If you doubt me, think back to the time in the not too distance past when, if you wanted to make a call on the road, you had to use a pay phone that could well have been covered in the lice of a drug dealer. So let us now watch the DUmmies enter the Smart Phone world in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, thinking that Genesis and James Jones might soon be auditioning for the Food Network now that they have an opening, is in the [brackets]:
I finally got a smart phone
[Me too, DUmmie Omaha Steve but would it be too much trouble for you to tell us what TYPE of smart phone you have?] After years of bragging about I only want a phone that makes calls. Not even texts. While at a meeting Wednesday night I watched as people were looking up info during a heated discussion. So I got a smart phone with wi-fi. Just turning it on was a challenge. Culture shock.
[Yeah, pushing that ON button is such a great technological challenge. Now on to the other shocked DUmmies...] You'll pry my iPhone out of my cold dead hands. Easy to read/comment/post on DU too.
[Thank you for using your iPhone for providing us with lots of DUmmie comedy material.] Quick access to information on the 'net is essential for my job. The map/GPS app also helped me out greatly more than once. Love my smartphone.
[I use the map/GPS app in my couponing. I used it just yesterday to figure out the quickest way to travel from one store to another. BTW, when I told my mother a few weeks ago that I got an Android phone she told me she didn't want to hear about any kinky stuff so I told her I was just kidding because what I got was really a smart phone...but it also an Android.] Smartphone Rule #1 don't text a photo of your peepee to anyone unless you also are prepared for it to be on the internet for all to see
[Is that you, Anthony Weiner?] ... and if you do, make sure its not a little Weiner
[Now you know why you are a DUmmie.] My first smartphone was a Windows one, big mistake, but I still have and use it. The one I got over a year ago has Android, and I really like it. I do pack both of them around on belt holsters like some sort of ubergeek.
[Good luck hitting on any Playboy Playmate in that outfit.] Really, it'll change your life. You will be able to find out anything you need, practically anywhere you are. That's a game changer. I'd have to say that the easily portable Internet-connected device will have as much effect on society as the printing press, if not more.
[Gee. And all this time I thought it was Super Ginsu knives that had the biggest effect on society.] I don't think they're called 'smart phones' anymore. They're called 'phones'.
[So instead of calling you a DUmmie, I'll just call you DUmb.] A tablet would've been better for you to research quickly, I think. Or a pc. But a phone is one-stop researching, I guess...phone and researching, together. They're very expensive, both the initial cost & monthly.
[Yeah, the 50 bucks to buy an LG Motion plus the $50 monthly charge is enough to bust the typical DUmmie budget.] I don't go to mtgs where research is necessary, so I'll still with my prepaid Tracfone. I spend $200 a year, my minutes roll forward, and I use the same cell towers that the smart phone users do.
[Congrats! By stubbornly sticking with a Tracfone, you will continue to remain in your low paying job. You saved about $400 per year in order to keep a job that pays you at least $4000 less than what you make using a smart phone. DUmmie budgeting at its most laughable.] We have a new lap top with wi-fi. The meeting was where there was no wi-fi. It doesn't have cell capability that I know of. Our granddaughters tablet has 20-30 mins of battery. Not an option either.
[Um...Did you ever hear of 4G? That is what you use for data when you don't have Wi-Fi access.] I got one last November. I still can't figure out how to do much with it.
[Getting past using the ON switch is such a technological chore.] I can't figure out how to get the pics of the phone without emailing them, one slow email at a time.
[Should I tell this DUmmie about enabling AUTOMATIC PhotoBucket uploads?] I can't figure out how to turn off the internet to save my minimal time without turning the whole phone off.
An historic event. WILLIAM RIVERS PITT after years of completely IGNORING the co-author of his unread book, Scott Ritter, ever since he was busted and incarcerated for criminal perversion, FINALLY mentions him. In fact he dedicated an entire THREAD, "Edward Snowden, my book with Scott Ritter, and the art of exploiting the messenger vs. the message" to the imprisoned Ritter. So why the sudden attention given to his co-author who was up to this moment completely IGNORED by Pitt? Simple. Pitt hopes to use the attention now being paid to Edward Snowden and compare him to Ritter in a pathetic attempt to boost sales for his book currently LANGUISHING at #1,356,192 on Amazon.Com. So let us now watch WILLIAM RIVERS PITT attempt to ride Snowden's fame into publicity for his unread book in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, wondering when Pitt will ever get around to mentioning his Fitzmas co-conspirator JASON LEOPOLD, is in the [brackets]:
Edward Snowden, my book with Scott Ritter, and the art of exploiting the messenger vs. the message
[You mean Scott Ritter whom you have totally IGNORED ever since he got busted for criminal perversion? Please proceed Hypocrite Pitt...] He went to China. He seems too coached in his remarks. His girlfriend was a pole-dancer. He was a bad neighbor. Lather, rinse, repeat.
[At least he didn't dance his pole on the Web to kids.] Edward Snowden is experiencing one of the more broad-spectrum efforts at character assassination in recent memory after his deliberate exposure of the far-reaching nature of NSA domestic surveillance. It's an old trick. Shit on a critic from great height, shit on a critic with great volume, in the hope that the critic becomes entombed in shit and loses their viability as a critic.
[Scott Ritter did some deliberate exposure of his own.] Disclaimer: I don't give much of a damn about Edward Snowden. I give a very large series of damns about the information he revealed, as should any thinking American in my personal opinion. Attacking his character, his girlfriend, his travel plans etc. is a shortcut to thinking, a way to tamp down revelations that this administration, like the previous administration, has been peeking through a lot of windows in ways the American people need to be aware of. Snowden attacks = Obama defense, in my humble o, and it's a pretty gruesome display from a lot of people who spent a lot of time attacking Bush on similar grounds not so long ago. But IOKIYBO appears to be the rule of the day.
[Disclaimer: All Pitt gives a damn about is WILLIAM RIVERS PITT.] In the summer of 2002, eight months before the invasion and occupation of Iraq, I co-authored a book titled "War on Iraq: What Team Bush Doesn't Want You to Know" with former weapons inspector Scott Ritter. The book we created, to this day, was dead-bang right not only about Iraq's lack of WMD, about Iraq's lack of al Qaeda/September 11 connections, but very accurately predicted the bloodbath shitshow that would take place if the invasion and occupation were to take place. Eleven years later, that book stands up to any test you want to give it, and it was Scott Ritter who provided the facts that make the book absolutely unimpeachable.
[How about the test of sales?] The final two paragraphs of Scott Ritter's Wikipedia page:
[Nolo Contendere? Nolo Contendere?] Ritter was detained in April 2001 and arrested in June 2001 in connection with police stings in which officers posed as under-aged girls to arrange meetings of a sexual nature. The first incident did not lead to any charges. He was charged with a misdemeanor crime of "attempted endangerment of the welfare of a child" after the second, but charges were dropped after he completed six months of probation and the record was sealed on condition that he avoid further trouble for a period of time. After this information was made public in early 2003, Ritter said that the timing of the leak was politically motivated.
[Just enjoy those cookies and sweet tea and Chris Hansen will greet you on-camera in a moment.] Ritter was arrested again in November 2009 over communications with a police decoy he met on an Internet chat site. Police said that he exposed himself via a web camera after the officer said she was a 15-year-old girl; Ritter said he was not made aware of the ostensible age of his correspondent before the act. The next month, Ritter waived his right to a preliminary hearing and was released on a $25,000 unsecured bail. Charges included "unlawful contact with a minor, criminal use of a communications facility, corruption of minors, indecent exposure, possessing instruments of crime, criminal attempt and criminal solicitation". Ritter rejected a plea bargain, testified in his trial and was found guilty of all but the criminal attempt count in a Monroe County, Pennsylvania courtroom on April 14, 2011. In October 2011 he received a sentence of one and a half to five and a half years in prison.
[Where he has received not one visit from a Temporary SockPuppet.] I am not going to speak to Ritter's guilt or innocence regarding these charges; he had a lawyer and a trial and a jury, and it is what it is. But the revelation in February 2003 effectively removed him, and our book, from the debate over the war a month before the war kicked off...and the book was right, he was right, we were right, and now a lot of people are dead even though we were right.
[As right as about Karl Rove being indicted on May 12, 2006.] Scott Ritter's personal failings doomed his message. The people who wanted to entomb him in shit to shut him up did not have to work hard to do so...but even with all that shit, there remains the pesky fact that he was 100% spot-on correct about the war, its aftermath and its eventual outcome.
[And what was Jason Leopold's excuse? Insanity? Deceit? Criminality?] People are currently attempting to entomb Snowden in shit because they don't like his message...and no one has accused him of anything even remotely as serious as what Ritter was accused and eventually convicted of...and yet so many have already decided he's just another shitbag to be ignored.
[He got enough attention to make WILLIAM RIVERS PITT jealous.] My point: separate the man from the message. Scott Ritter was a deeply flawed man according to the courts, but a lot of people would be alive if his message had been allowed to stand on its merits instead of getting dragged down and erased with him.
[No greater than the flaws of a certain Temporary SockPuppet.] Snowden is one thing. His message is another. As someone with personal experience in watching a good message get destroyed by attacks on the messenger, I implore you not to let it happen in this case.
[And, btw, please read my unread book.] I don't give a damn about Snowden, and I don't give a damn about Ritter.
[We already know you don't give a damn about Ritter. Not one prison visit did you perform. Not one mention of Ritter by you up till now. And now to the DUmmie Peanut Gallery.....] And what "insider" information did the government have on Ritter, and how did they get it, that allowed them to destroy his character so completely (and in a manner coordinated to silence Ritter during the final push for the war)? They must have been keeping tabs on his internet activity to know that was into, too-young women. If they did not know why would they have set up the sting? Coincidence? I don't think so.
[Perhaps Chris Hansen was monitoring him. And did the government at least let Ritter have a taste of the obligatory sweet tea?] Guess Will Pitt passed the character test as he was not similarly destroyed. Or maybe Pitt just wasn't as big a concern as Ritter in that episode, and his book had been discredited by its association with Ritter anyway.
Next time Pitt threatens to expose information, the government wants hidden, we will hear non-stop, on every tv station, how he enjoys bullying homeless women. You know they've got that on him.
[Which reminds me... What happened to Bobo the Hobo whom Pitt threatened with physical violence? Was she checkbooked to stay out of DUmmieland?] Elliot Spitzer also arguably wouldn't have had his private habits nearly as much on the radar if he wasn't trying to go after corrupt banksters himself as AG of New York and subsequently as governor.
[Had he not gone after the banksters, Spitzer's bony bod would still be parading before high price hookers.] a snake under a rock that you cant see is more of a danger than a snake slithering out in the open.
[Ritter's snake was out in the open on the Web for all to see.] I've been tossed under the DU bus so many times I have GOODYEAR tattooed across my ass.
[Most likely you fell under the bus, Will, and that is GOOD BEER tattooed on your butt.]
I am a 30,000 year old reincarnated being who materializes once every 5000 years in a Las Vegas hotel suite. My greatest goal in my eternal life is to spend 6 months on a small tropical island with Mary Matalin doing nothing but pitching a DUmmie FUnnies book (with CD-ROM insert) deal with her. If you happen to be Mary Matalin, please contact me at:
email@example.com. If you are anybody else, you can contact me there too. Remember, if you are a book publisher, please feel free to embarrass me with an extravagant book advance.