Saturday, October 23, 2010

Excitement building for Restore Sanity Rally!



The One Nation Rally three weeks ago was, as even one DUmmie admitted, "a disaster": boring, embarrassing, poorly attended. But, BUT, the upcoming Stewart-Colbert Rally will be different! Hip, cool, FUnnie--everyone who's anyone will be there--be there or be square! Yes, Stewart's "Rally to Restore Sanity"/Colbert's "March to Keep Fear Alive" NEXT SATURDAY, one week from today, will TRULY be The Day When Everything Finally Changed! Suddenly the light bulb (one of those ecofriendly corkscrew lightbulbs, of course)--the light bulb will go on all across America, and voters will, because of the collective intelligence, wit, and coolness on display at this rally, change their minds and decide to vote Progressive Democratic three days later on Election Day.

So all the DUmmies will be there, right? This will be the Mother Of All DUmmie Meet-Ups! It won't be so deathly dull as the One Nation thingie, we'll feel like we're doing something for The Cause, and, most importantly, everybody can meet for drinks and smokes and getting wasted and laid afterward! ROAD TRIP!! Witness the wave of enthusiasm building up in this
THREAD, "Sanity Rally, are you going? Do you support it?"

Oh, but if you're going to the Restore Sanity Rally, you might want to give a thought to how you're going to Restore Sanitation. We'll explain when we get to this
THREAD, "Great. 10-30 attendees will be accused of being full of sh*t."

So cross your fingers and cross your legs that THIS rally will turn the tide! The DUmmie comments are in Bolshevik Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, who will be washing his hair next weekend and thus can't make it, is in the [brackets]:

Sanity Rally, are you going? Do you support it?

[Of COURSE! ALL the DUers will be there! How could you even ASK such a question?]

Just curious of the temperature of DU towards this rally.

[Hot to trotsky!]

I for one have a room right across the street from the WH.

[I'll let the Secret Service know.]

Also, I will be conducting random interviews with rally goers to put a video together.

[Giving new meaning to "going viral."]

[Thank you, DUmmie Soral, for that scintillating promotion of this rally, which doesn't really NEED any promotion, though, since all the DUmmies, 100%, will be there at this Event of the Year--nay, Event of the DECADE! Now let's hear the wave of excitement building among your fellow rally attendees . . .]

Oh, I certainly support it.

[Yes! One more to add to the countless throng!]

Unfortunately I can't attend.

[Oops!]

Damn would I love to. If for no other reason, just to be a head in the crowd.

[Oh, we know you would be there if you could. And I'm sure we can survive with just one less person there. I mean, just think, a SEA OF HUMANITY, as far as the eye can see, rallying, standing together, righteous and cool, so many of us. . . .]

Hell, I walked 10 miles from College Park to DC for the 20th anniversary MLK Jr. march. THAT was cool! I met a lot of really great people there, on the way, and on the way back - including a group on the way there that had attended my high school in Columbia the first year it opened. My oldest two daughters were there for President Obama's inauguration.

[Uh, OK, we know you're not going to be there this time. I'm sure you have your reasons. No need to list your bona fides. . . .]

There's nothing like a crowd on the mall.

[And something tells me this will be nothing like a crowd. . . . Alright, let's hear from the next excited customer . . .]

I support it and will probably go. gotta figure out the logistics.

[Let the excuses begin!]

There are lots of free rides from NYC, but not back. . . .

[So just MOVE to DC! A REAL progressive would be willing to do this!]

I am NW PA and I have kids!!

[Details!]

I'm going.

[Yes! I knew it! I knew I could count on you, Mz Pip! A DUmmie in whom there is no guile!]

I'm working on sign ideas.

[RESTORE SANITY TO AMERICA: LET'S ALL MOVE TO CANADA]

yes, sign ideas.....Still working on those as well.

[OBAMACARE: IT'S THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS]

I'm going and bringing a couple of friends! Staying 1.6 miles from the mall

[If you get within 1.5, they call the mall cops.]

i wish i could go. but am i texas and cant do the trip. will watch though. excited about it.

[OK, so scratch THREE people who will not be there. Disappointing, but still, only three. And, and . . . yes, there will be MILLIONS of us there anyway, hundreds of thousands MINIMUM--all of us righteous, cool, changing minds all across America through the powerful medium of television, the whole nation tuning in, learning and laughing as we all will be--tens of thousands of us maybe, a sea of. . . .]

Going from Atlanta!! Meeting brother from Columbus!!

[WHEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!! Goodbye Columbus, hello DC! Hello VICTORY on November 3!]

With bells on!

[Liberty bells! Sanity bells! Yes!]

Check the weather... May be poncho time

[Uh oh! You mean it could RAIN?? I don't know now. . . .]

Support what?

[Huh, what?]

If I could only afford the plane ticket...

[WALK!]

[Well, I'm sure there will be SOME people there. Daily Show staffers, at least. But it turns out there could be a problem or two for those who attend. Problem #1 and Problem #2, as we now discover . . .]

Great. 10-30 attendees . . .

[Is that the date or the projected attendance?]

. . . will be accused of being full of sh*t

[That goes without saying. But, pray, tell me more . . .]

D.C. toilet shortage is Keeping Fear Alive

["Toilet shortage"?? Wha-aa??]

WASHINGTON -- The calls of nature may be particularly loud at an upcoming D.C. event if attendees don't have a place to "go."

[Stay outta da bushes!]

Comedy Central organizers are having a hard time finding port-o-potties for their rallies . . . after the Marine Corps Marathon planners snatched up about 800 of them for the same weekend.

[Hee! Hee! The moonbats will have to battle the MARINES for toilets! Can you SEE a DUmmie coming up to a MARINE and asking to use the toilet? "Excuse me, Mr. Evil Military-Industrial Complex Man whom I despise and loathe with every fiber of my being--speaking of fiber, I've REALLY got to go, you see, and I was wondering if. . . ."]

The organizers of Jon Stewart's Rally to Restore Sanity and Stephen Colbert's March to Keep Fear Alive . . . have asked the marathon staff to share the portable toilets with their 65,000 expected to attendees.

[The rallies will now be called "Restore Sanitation" and "Keep Your Legs Crossed."]

But the Marines aren't budging -- they plan to lock the toilets until the morning of their race the day after. . . .

[I love it! Let's hear the DUmmies' reaction . . .]

I read the Baggers were trying to tie up all the buses for this. How about potties? wouldn't put it past them...

[It's a constipation conspiracy! The Marines, the teabaggers, probably Fox News. . . .]

No Sh*t

[That's what it will come down to!]

Colbert said to dress up as your worst fear. I'd suggest going as a colostomy bag. . . .

[The Teabaggers vs. the Colostomybaggers! The Marines vs. the Moonbats! The Battle of Port-o-potty Hill! Yes, it will be . . . The Day When Everyone, Finally, Had to Change!]

- - - - -

BONUS PARODY from the wag tailoring the doggerel:

SANITY RALLY
Tune: "San Francisco"

If you're goin' to Sanity Rally
Be sure to wear some stronger underwear
If you're goin' to Sanity Rally
You're gonna need some toilet paper there

For those who come to Sanity Rally
Bathroom time, there'll be a long line there
In the streets at Sanity Rally
Pent-up people with fragrance in the air

All across the Potomac
Such a strange aroma
People in motion
There's a whole demonstration
With advanced constipation
People in motion, people in motion

For those who come to Sanity Rally
Be sure to wear some stronger underwear
If you come to Sanity Rally
Bathroom time, there'll be a long line there

If you come to Sanity Rally
Bathroom time, there'll be a long line there . . .

19 Comments:

Blogger Lazarus Long said...

Ok, let me get this right.
The moro....ummmm "comedians" are going to have a rally, in Washington THREE DAYS BEFORE THE ELECTION??????????

Now who is going to go to see this abysmal collection of losers? Young, enthusiastic lunatics of the left, the kind that volunteer for political campaigns. Your basic Dummie, in other words.

The kind who will be in Washington, three days before what is looking more and more like a Republican tsunami, KILLING DEMOCRAT GOTV efforts for, what a day? A day and half? Two days?

Sweet Cthulu on a hot dog roll, thank you, you insane, barking moonbat "progressive" "comedians".

4:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

LOL! Restoring Sanitation!

Yes, the teabaggers have been running a secret conspiracy campaign to snatch up all the potties and divert the buses. I'm sure Karl Rove is at the heart of it.

6:14 PM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

..."The Day When Everything Finally Changed!" PJinc

You're making the point, PJinc.

Stewart and Colbert are making fun of you folks. They're mocking you.

Don't you find it interesting that the folks a SNL keep bringing you guys down? I think Tina Fey won the last election singlehandedly for Obama. Why? Because she exposed Palin as the absurd character she is and continues to be.

Stewart and Colbert are going to make fun of you. They have been for a long time. Libs are attending because it'll be funny, not earth-shattering.

12:04 AM  
Anonymous Viceroy said...

Yeah, well, we conservatives will be laughing all the way to the bank come election day.

3:27 AM  
Anonymous Anon 1:50 said...

Oh! This has all the earmarks of a Democrat Disaster. A Demsaster, if you will.

First, they will not have the erstwhile support and presence of colorful and rational satanists, wiccans and others for whom Halloween is a major holiday,and the liklihood that the remainder of the audience will resemble a gaggle of amateur circus sideshow characters is extremely high.

When presented on the news, on YouTube or websites, the appearance is going to be one of silliness, mixed with anger, mixed with hippiness, and splashed with a distinct lack of focus.

What is the agenda? Hours of stand-up "comedy"? Bush jokes? Tea Party slander? Anti-Christian rhetoric?

Yeeeeeah. That'll be riveting.

And sll this 'meaningful dialogue' will be happening before a backdrop of litter and public defecation. Fantastic!

I can already see the compare/contrast pieces of this debacle and the Beck rally on the 'net.

That'll play well.

It is possible that this event may revolt a nice chunk of 'undecideds' and cause them to move away from the socialist side and toward conservatism.

Thanks to John and what's-his name! The check's in the mail!

6:12 AM  
Anonymous Corona said...

No port-a-potties. Oh this ought to be priceless. You think the garbage left on the ground by their last rally was bad. This'll be a bonafide "200 LGBTs & Whaddaya Mean There's No Cup?"-fest.

You know the nearer your destination the more you're slip sliding away.

8:11 AM  
Anonymous susieq2cute said...

Yeah, trogladouche, so what's new? That's all stewart and colbert do; they make fun of the regular folks. But, now it'll be on a grander scale. Do you think the regular folks will find it funny; to be made fun of? And the last few days before a major election? Oh, I get it; you think you're a regular folk; that we're out of the norm. Yeah, right. That'll be the day.

9:10 AM  
Anonymous susieq2cute said...

I agree with LL; this is a blessing in disguise. All those people that would be manning phone banks and walking door to door for dem candidates will be at the rally; the last weekend before a big election. It will take these people days to recover what with all the drugs they'll have consumed. They'll have only one, two days, at the most to make up for lost time. Yep, and these two are supposed to be so brilliant.

9:19 AM  
Anonymous Elrond Hubbard said...

"Don't you find it interesting that the folks on SNL keep bringing you guys down?...Stewart and Colbert are going to make fun of you>"

Ohmigod! Liberals are going to make fun of us! Get my heart pills, alert FOX news, somebody e-mail Rush!

You're a little behind the times troggy. This time the joke may be on you.

Hope you got a sense of humor.

12:56 PM  
Blogger Lazarus Long said...

"Stewart and Colbert are making fun of you folks. They're mocking you"

Ooooo, I'm being mocked by morons.

BFD, you window licking retard.

"Don't you find it interesting that the folks a SNL keep bringing you guys down?"

Ummmmmm......no. SNL couldn't hit the side of the satire barn if you spotted them a troglaman.

"Stewart and Colbert are going to make fun of you."

OOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

I can't STAND the thought of two asshole reactionaries making fun of me!!!!!!

I'm telling Mom!

"Libs are attending because it'll be funny"

Sort of a political cesspool, then, eh retard?

8:26 PM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"Yeah, well, we conservatives will be laughing all the way to the bank come election day." Viceroy (remember the cigs?)

Gloating already?

Here's the deal...

RepubliDUms don't know how to reduce deficits. I can prove it.

RepubliDUms want to extend tax cuts that will add up to 4 trillion to our deficit in the next 10 years. I can prove it.

RepubliDUms want to export jobs. I can prove it.

If you make less than $200,000 a year, Obama's reduced your taxes. I can prove it.

Obama has made it illegal for health insurance companies to drop you for pre-existing conditions. I can prove it.

Just what is it that you stupid assholes have to offer in terms of an alternative? Really.

What. Do. You. Have. To. Offer?

The answer's nothing. You have nothing to offer except reducing taxes during a time of war and deregulating corporations. I happen to think both these ideas suck ass. And I can prove they do.

How is this not a no-brainer? It would be a different story if you had one idea, one creative solution to what's ailing us. But you don't.

12:31 AM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"I can't STAND the thought of two asshole reactionaries making fun of me!!!!!!" literery laz

You're protesting too loudly, dumbshit.

If it doesn't bother you then maybe you wouldn't care and just STFU. But you obviously do care...John Stewart and Colbert. Such a threat. Such reactionaries.

This is what makes you laughable. Stewart and Colbert are, to you, serious business, for sure.

They're actually comedians. Soooo scary.

You dumb fuckers ARE laughable, by the way. Human brains attached to mice. Sharia law taking over American cities. Nazi SS reenactors running for congress. It's not as if Stewart and Cobert are lacking for material.

1:01 AM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"Ohmigod! Liberals are going to make fun of us! Get my heart pills, alert FOX news, somebody e-mail Rush!" elrond

"The moro....ummmm "comedians" are going to have a rally, in Washington THREE DAYS BEFORE THE ELECTION??????????"

"First, they will not have the erstwhile support and presence of colorful and rational satanists, wiccans and others for whom Halloween is a major holiday,and the liklihood that the remainder of the audience will resemble a gaggle of amateur circus sideshow characters is extremely high."

"It will take these people days to recover what with all the drugs they'll have consumed."

Hmmm. Seems to matter to you dumbshits, doesn't it? Isn't that why PJinc brought it up? Because it matters in the first place? The answer's 'YES'.

What Colbert, Stewart and SNL do is make fun of you. They make money doing so. They're really good at it. And it's clear, from the above conversation, that it bothers you cattle.

And I thought cows were too dense to know the difference. I, troglaman, am wrong. You've made a case for bovine sensitivity. I'm not sure I can eat another steak. I'm throwing away my A1 as we speak.

Thanks alot, fuckers.

1:36 AM  
Anonymous Elrond Hubbard said...

"And its clear...that it bothers you cattle."

If you believe that you're dumber than I thought possible. Outside of undergraduates, no one takes Stewart or Colbert serously as anything but snarky partisan hacks, while SNL fell into comedic oblivion ten years ago.

They're like you, yesterday's news. The Stewart/Colbert "rally" will attract lots of political nitwits like those who star in "Jaywalking". The liberal jackasses will dutifully troop down to Washington not realizing that the ultimate joke is on them.

There's a note of desperation in your writings.

12:40 PM  
Blogger Lazarus Long said...

" Seems to matter to you dumbshits, doesn't it?"

No, we're merely questioning HOW YOU FUCKING MORONS COULD BE SO FUCKING STOOOOOPID!!!!!

Sorry I had to shout, but trying to communicate with you is like trying to teach Corky the Retarded Chimp how to fly an F-102.

6:13 AM  
Anonymous Shambhala said...

SNL is still on?
Eddie Murphy was part of the cast last time I watched.
It was boring then, probably even more boring now.

10:09 AM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"Outside of undergraduates, no one takes Stewart or Colbert serously as anything but snarky partisan hacks, while SNL fell into comedic oblivion ten years ago." elrond

I, the mighty trog, happen to know that none of the above statements are true. I can prove it (as could an ostrich).

So what does that make you, elrond?

12:36 AM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"SNL is still on?" sham

Yes. It's still on. Bewildering, isn't it?

12:54 AM  
Anonymous Adam said...

"Comedy Central organizers are having a hard time finding port-o-potties for their rallies . . . after the Marine Corps Marathon planners snatched up about 800 of them for the same weekend....But the Marines aren't budging -- they plan to lock the toilets until the morning of their race the day after. . . ."
In the immortal words of Nelson Muntz, "Haw- Haw!"
The only possible negative side effect of this is that when the freaks attending it all leave, the area will undoubtedly be even more of a (Literal and figurative) filthy crap hole than usual for liberal gatherings, that will (If you excuse the pop culture metaphors) make the garbage- strewn park at the very end of 'Wayne's World 2' look like Adrian Monk's apartment in comparison.
Anon 1:50, good points throughout.
LL and Suzy make good points, too, that this'll probably turn out to be harmful for the Dems in the long run.
As for Troggie,
"Don't you find it interesting that the folks a SNL keep bringing you guys down?"
If by "Bringing us down," you mean "Toss a couple lame, sophomoric, humorless insults at us which we don't pay attention to," then yeah, they certainly do that. The only current SNL cast member with anything resembling comedic talent is Kenan Thompson.
" I think Tina Fey won the last election singlehandedly for Obama. Why? Because she exposed Palin as the absurd character she is and continues to be."
In other words, she threw a few idiotic, baseless insults and stereotypes at Palin. She also caused lies to be spread about Palin, as the "I can see Russia from my house" line which idiotic libs like you love attributing to Palin was actually never said by her, but by Fey in an SNL sketch.

"Stewart and Colbert are going to make fun of you."
Of course they are. That, after all, is the limit of their comedic "Talent."

" Libs are attending because it'll be funny, not earth-shattering."
If it's anything like their shows, then everyone who isn't a stoned twentysomething, an ex- hippie, or a member of DU (Which admittedly can include both of the previous groups) will consider it to be about as funny as a root canal without any painkillers administered by the dentist from "Little Shop of Horrors."
As others have noticed, it's increasingly looking like we'll be the ones laughing next week, and you know what they say about he who laughs last.

11:20 AM  

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