Wednesday, May 07, 2014

David Gregory's Shrink

(David Gregory enters a room furnished with bookshelves, wall paintings, wood paneling, oak desk, plush swivel chair, and a couch. On the wall is the framed medical license of Dr. Shrink. He angrily slams the door behind him. Dr. Shrink, sitting behind his desk, gets up to introduce himself.)

DR. SHRINK: Hi David! NBC News has assigned me to analyze you so that we might find a way to make your personality more appealing to “Meet The Press” viewers. So far my report indicates that you are insecure, rude, and cut off people in the middle of...”

GREGORY: Shut your mouth! I don't cut off people while they are talking! So what does NBC News have against me? I don't understand why they are forcing me to see you.

DR. SHRINK: Well, they feel that...

GREGORY: I don't give a damn what they feel! How about how I feel? They are making me look like such a jerk by advertising that I am seeing a shrink. Tell me the truth, Doc, are they going to fire me?

DR. SHRINK: Well, they did say they stand behind you so just lie there on the couch and tell me your thoughts.

GREGORY: That's what they tell everybody before they fire them. And since Meet The Press has fallen from a strong first place to a dismal third since I've been there, I think my days there are numbered. 

DR. SHRINK: I can assure you that...

(David Gregory interrupts by screaming with a wide frightened look in his eyes.)



GREGORY (pointing ahead): If thou art privy to my network fate, Oh speak!

DR. SHRINK: David, who are you talking to?

GREGORY: To him! He has haunted me ever since I replaced him. He who is irreplaceable.

DR. SHRINK: You mean...

GREGORY: The ultimate Buffalo Bills fan. I just can't get him out of my mind.

DR. SHRINK: Perhaps we should meet him head on via hypnosis.

GREGORY: Anything to keep him from haunting me.

(Dr. Shrink holds up a medallion in front of Gregory and swings it back and forth.)

DR. SHRINK: Look closely at this Walter Cronkite Journalism Award medallion.

GREGORY: Where did you get that?

DR. SHRINK: Ronan Farrow won it after being on MSNBC for about five minutes. He gave it to me as a gift since he is also getting a David Brinkley Journalism Award for living through birth and doesn't really need it.

GREGORY: It isn't working. I don't feel hypnotized.

DR. SHRINK: Concentrate on Uncle Walt's moustache. Watch it very carefully as it goes back and forth...back and forth...

(Gregory's eyes start to close.)

GREGORY: I'm sleepy... Feeling sleepier...

DR. SHRINK: Good! Now go back in time a few years until you see...


DR SHRINK: You see him?

GREGORY: Yes! Tim Russert! It is so wonderful to see him again. We are in a D.C. Restaurant and he is at a table with me.

DR. SHRINK: Ask him for some advice about...


DR. SHRINK: Why are you yelling at him?

GREGORY: I'm not yelling at Tim. I'm shouting at the lousy lowlife waitress who completely messed up my order of foie gras. Hey! Idiot! I ordered Pacific Ocean fleur de sel for my seasoning, not Atlantic! How can you be so stupid you...

DR. SHRINK: David, don't waste your time on the waitress. You need to ask Tim for advice on how to improve your show performance.

GREGORY: I can't. Tim just grabbed me by my coat lapel and shoved my face into the spinach dip.

DR. SHRINK: But can you get some advice from him?

GREGORY: “Don't be a damn shmuck!” That's what he is yelling at me.

DR. SHRINK: What else?

GREGORY: Nothing else. Getting that spinach dip in my eyes broke the hypnotic spell and now he is gone.

DR. SHRINK: Maybe Tim was right. The horrible way you treat your staff is because you act like a shmuck.

GREGORY: No, that can't possibly be right. My staff loves me. Why my “Meet The Press” producer, Chris Donovan, who was with Tim is also sticking with me. That shows you how loyal my people are.

DR. SHRINK: Um, David. I got a text message a little while ago that Donovan quit your show. Who can blame him the way you treat your staff like dirt?

GREGORY: Don't put this on me. I've long known my staff has been undermining my authority. For example, I was planning an office party and noticed some strawberry ice cream was missing from the freezer. Now I knew there was a duplicate key to the freezer and that all I had to do to track down the culprit was to find that key. I knew that they laughed at me behind my back and mocked me but the key, ah, that's where I had them! I proved with geometric logic that a duplicate key to the freezer existed and uh....

(No sound in the room for a long time except for the clicking of metal balls in Gregory's hand.)

DR. SHRINK: David, I think our session is over.

GREGORY: But what about my job? Will I be able to stay on as host of “Meet The Press?”

DR. SHRINK: I can assure you that NBC stands behind you. You will definitely be able to keep your job when you come back after you spend a very long time to be with your family.

Tuesday, May 06, 2014

DUmmies Avoid the ISLAMIC Obvious In Nigerian Kidnapping

Boko Haram!

The DUmmies are discussing the kidnapping of over 200 Nigerian schoolgirls as you can see in this THREAD, "Nigerian abducted girls' families fast losing hope of rescue." However the DUmmies laughably avoid the very obvious. And the very obvious is the fact that Boko Haram ("Western Education is a Sin") is an ISLAMIC militant group. Oh, and you also won't see "Muslim" or "Allah" mentioned in the DUmmie discussion. Bottom line is that a militant ISLAMIC group kidnapped over 200 Christian girls to sell them into slavery and/or forced marriages. The DUmmies continue to act as if there is no such thing as ISLAMIC terrorists which is a complete divorce from reality. So let us now watch the DUmmies conduct a reality-free discussion about the Nigerian kidnapping in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, wondering what happened to Nigerian e-mails, is in the [brackets]:

Nigerian abducted girls' families fast losing hope of rescue

[I saw an interview with the Nigerian president, Goodluck Jonathan (real name), and he said it was up to the USA to rescue them which means he probably wants to scam us for $$$.]

The families of more than 230 Nigerian schoolgirls abducted by Islamist insurgents more than 10 days ago say they are fast losing hope of seeing their daughters again despite government assurances they will be found.

[That promise is about as valid as "If you like your health plan you can keep it."]

The girls, who were mostly between 16 and 18 years old, were rounded up at gunpoint after militants overpowered a military guard assigned to a boarding school in Chibok, in north-eastern Borno state. They had just finished their final school exams. The school was the only one still open in the area following threats and attacks by Boko Haram, whose ideology opposes both so-called western education, and particularly women's education.

[Gee, I wonder what is the source of that ideology? The DUmmies never mention it and never would unless the kidnappers were extremest Lutherans (LCMS). Then they would be screaming about it in every other sentence.]

The terrorist group's main reason for existence is to prevent girls from going to school. This is their stated aim.

[And to bring about ISLAMIC Sharia law but none there will mention it.]

Unfortunately, our press will only give it real coverage if Faux Noise tries to claim a connection to Obama.

[And you won't make the connection to the obvious---ISLAMIC terrorists.]

This is beyond words...I can only hope for a miracle that is unlikely to come.

[As unlikely a miracle as the DUmmies admitting that Boko Haram are ISLAMIC terrorists?]

Kerry Condemns Nigerian Schoolgirl Kidnapping. John Kerry is in Africa this weekend and he has spoken about it - he is promising US help:

[Is he going to send in the Swiftboats?]

I can't help wondering what Hillary would do if this had happened on her watch as SsS.

[She would have claimed that the kidnapping was caused by a YouTube video.]

This story makes me so angry and I don't know of any concrete way to help. It's so frustrating.

[It's frustrating that you can't even recognize that Boko Haram are ISLAMIC terrorists.]

John Kerry and Russ Feingold are travelling in Africa this weekend. These men have empathy and they have daughters.

[That settles it. Boko Haram is as good as destroyed.]

From what I've read, a big part of the problem is that the Nigerian government isn't taking action. Our intel will be of limited value if the Nigerian leaders don't put it to use. But hopefully Kerry and Feingold will be able to help.

[Here they come to save the day! The Mighty Mice!]

I don't know how much we can do but I am eternally optimistic that Obama and Kerry have a workable plan.

[As workable as a certain website?]

The United States government has said that it supported Nigeria's fight against terrorism with over $20 million in 2012. Marie Harf, Deputy Spokesperson of the U.S. Department of State, disclosed this during Thursday's daily press briefing in Washington D.C.

[Gotta wonder how much of that ended up in the form of presidential palace furnishings.]

"As of last year, for Fiscal Year 2012, we provided over $20 million in security assistance to Nigeria," said Ms. Harf, while responding to questions from reporters. Part of what that does is help professionalize their military, investigate terrorist attacks, and enhance their forensic capabilities. And we've worked with law enforcement there as well to help build their capacity as well," she added.

[I doubt if even $20 of that ever ended up used for its proclaimed purpose.]

What kind of monsters do this?

[The ISLAMIC kind but you will never admit this.]

This story needs to be front and center!

[While avoiding the front and center truth of the story: ISLAMIC terrorists.]

Is the U.S. doing anything to help?

[Yeah, we're sending in the Commando Team of John Kerry and Russ Feingold.]