Dialoguing for Dollars: Alan Grayson talks to the DUmmies!
When last we checked in with nutjob Congressman Alan "Dick" Grayson, he had arranged with Head DUmmie $kimmer to allow him to do some fundraising there. So some staffer posted a form letter, under Grayson's name, and many of the DUmmies fell for it, thought it was Grayson himself writing just to them, and I'm sure some of them gave up their Domino's that night to send $10 to Grayson their hero.
Well, now Grayson is so desperate--you see, the Democrat Congressional Committee has cut off all money for Grayson, because they know he is a lost cause--Grayson is so DESPERATE for dough that he has been reduced to actually INTERACTING with the DUmmies, which he did on Tuesday in this $kimmer-approved THREAD, "Live Blog with Congressman Alan Grayson (D-FL)," or, as I like to call it, "Dialoging for Dollars: Alan Grayson Talks to the DUmmies!"
So let us enter DUmmieland to witness the Fleecing of the Easy Marx, in Red-Ink Red (with Alan Grayson's own posts labeled "AG"), while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson--all about the FUnraising!--is in the [brackets]:
Live Blog with Congressman Alan Grayson (D-FL)
[Congressman Alan Grayson (Dummie-FLeecing)]
Democratic Underground is pleased to host a live blog with Congressman Alan Grayson.
[Head DUmmie $kimmer gives his imprimatur and nihil obstat to this edition of "Dialoguing for Dollars."]
Congressman Grayson is well known as an aggressive advocate for progressive change.
[Translation: He's a RAVING LUNATIC! A FOAMING-AT-THE-MOUTH MOONBAT!]
He is in a tough reelection race this year.
[Translation: He's going to LOSE. But he's your "hero," so you'll donate to him anyway.]
Thank you to Congressman Grayson, and to everyone here who helps make this discussion a success.
[Let the fleecing begin!]
[Grayson is GROOVY!]
Totally shallow, Congressman, but why did you shave off the goatee? You looked so awesome-scary.
AG: Regarding the beard, when I had it, a older woman wrote to me and told me that I looked scary with the beard, so she couldn't vote for me. But she had some younger friends who told her that they were going to vote for me, BECAUSE I looked scary. I wanted to expand our appeal beyond the Wiccan vote, so I shaved it.
[Grayson has the Wiccan vote LOCKED UP, no worries, so he could risk losing the beard.]
This neopagan ecofeminist with Anabaptist leanings thinks you rock, goatee or not!!
[Neopagan ecofeminists are SOLID for Grayson!]
I just wanted to say thank you for your passion. . . . I admire you greatly. . . . I'm off to make a contribution to your campaign now.
[You're my hero! You're dreamy! Here, take some of my money!]
AG: The easiest ways to make a contribution are at our website, CongressmanWithGuts.com. . . .
Will you run for president some day?
[Hey, if Kookcinich can do it, why not Crazy Grayson?]
AG: We are in a very, very difficult race for Congress this year. We will win only if everyone pulls together and helps. One step at a time.
[First let me lose this race, then I can take to losing some primaries in 2012. But at least I'll get your fools's money!]
I hope to see you running for veep in 2016
______/Grayson 2016 and 2020, then in 2024 you're at the top of the ticket.
AG: the million members of Democracy for America named me as their Number One Hero in the House.
[Forget Kucinich, forget Maher! Just GRAYSON 2012, 2016, 2020, 2024. . . .]
AG: courage pays off.
[Fleecing the DUmmies pays off.]
Dear Congressman Grayson, Its a great pleasure that you're visiting us here, at DU. I've contributed, encourage others to do so, and only wish I could do more.
[Then GIVE more! Sell your computer, eat Ramen noodles instead of Domino's--check that, don't eat ANYTHING--get a second job--check that, get a JOB--and DONATE!]
Congressman Grayson, would you consider becoming Speaker of the House?
[Signed, Nancy Pelosi]
My question is this: Has anyone tried to put together a group of writers - comedians, copywriters, bloggers and the like - to frame an honest, fact-based message in a way that is more digestible to the American Public? What if every Democrat, from the White House down started calling Republican economic policy "Table Scrap Economics"? What if they started referring to the "Republicans" as "Republican'ts"? . . . If there is, or you think there should be, that kind of effort, send me a message. I'd love to help.
[Oh, DUmmie urgk, you have a real knack for words! In fact, if the Democrats would just hire YOU, like NOW, they can still pull this thing out! "Table Scrap Economics": Why, oh why, has no one thought of that BEFORE??? That's the key to VICTORY!]
AG: If you have any suggestions, feel free to share them. . . .
[Don't call us, we'll call you.]
This may just be an instinctive gift that Alan Grayson has, but we need to analyze it, bottle it and share it.
[The Grayson Touch®: Just splash it on, and you'll start ranting insanely!]
the lone poll in your race against Webster, which had you down by 7 points. . . . if you do beat Webster in what is shaping up to be a heavily Republican year. . . .
["If"? "IF"??? There's no "if"! Where is your FAITH, you doubter? Sayyy . . . you aren't some sort of . . . LOUSY FREEPER TROLL, are you??]
It's obvious you're a hero here. . . . throwing what little money I can - YOUR way. And I have "Grayson-Truth" bumper stickers on the vehicles I drive!
I moved to Orange from Seminole recently and cannot wait to cast my vote for you in November!! Sadly, don't see many Grayson signs out near the 429.
[Well, then get some of those "Grayson-Truth" stickers and start slapping them up all over! And hurry!]
Mr. Grayson... You have a knack for introducing bills with catchy titles:
H.R.5353 : War is Making You Poor Act
H.R.4444 : Defund the Crooks Act . . .
[A.G. 101 : Introduce Your Dollar Bills to Me Act]
Congressman Grayson, Have you ever visited/heard of Democratic Underground before this visit?
[Yes, I read the DUmmie FUnnies religiously! Best entertainment on teh internets!]
AG: Yes, I've Visited Many Times Before
[Yes, I'm As Crazy As You Are! Now Send Me Your Money!]
You're going to give DUers such a swelled head.
[Alan Grayson--THE Alan Grayson--actually TALKED to us! He, he even answered my post! Oh joy! Oh nirvana! . . . Oops, I think I peed my pants!]
You are an inspiration! Together, we can crush the GOP into dust!
WE LOVE YOU ALAN!
[Oh yes we do. . . . DUmmieland as Tiger Beat.]
Could you please deliver some of your 'guts' to the White House?
They need to be more Grayson and less Chamberlain when dealing with the opposition.
AG: "More Grayson." So now I'm an adjective. Personally, I think of myself as a verb.
[I think of you, Congressman Grayson, as kind of an exclamation, an ejaculation, really.]
AG: The night that we voted on the healthcare bill, a man in a wheelchair told me, "please vote for the bill. If it doesn't pass, I'll die."
[If Alan Grayson doesn't win in November, WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!]
Welcome to where the REAL Democrats hang out, Alan!
[The LOONEY ones!]
I believe you to be one of but three elected officials who are earnest in their effort to represent the public interest. Dennis Kucinich and Bernie Sanders would be the other two. . . .
[Crazy Grayson, Kookie Kookcinich, and Comrade Sanders: The Tremendous Troika.]
Thank you Congressman Graystone. . . .
[You're welcome, DUmmie Tombstone.]
I guess my questions is. How do you stay sane. . . ?
[That question always flummoxes the DUmmies. But you're barking up the wrong tree if you ask Grayson to help you.]
This has to be about the best thing ever on DU!
[WHEEEEE!!!!!!!!! Alan Grayson, Our Superhero, deigning to talk to little ol' us!!!]
This is as exciting as it gets, having one of our heroes right here on this board! And he replied to me!
[I did NOT see this post when I wrote my previous comment!]
Mr. Grayson, don't you think you look more badass with the goatee?
[I think he looks like an ass with or without the goatee.]
I love a man with balls.
[benburch checks in. . . .]
AG: I'm outta here!
[I perceive, sir, that you are a prophet.]