Friday, March 30, 2007

"MC Rove" Raps At DC Dinner



Okay, lets give Karl Rove an "A" for Effort and an "F" for execution in his role as "MC Rove" rapping at the recent Radio and Television Correspondents dinner in Washington, D.C.. As a result, his performance is absolutely (if unintentionally) HILARIOUS. I just can't get enough of watching Rove trying to be the ultra cool MC Rove. However, much as it cracks me up and others, the Left is almost predictably ENRANGED by Rove's "MC Rove" performance as you can see in the HUffington Post THREAD titled, "'MC Rove' Raps At DC Dinner." So let us now watch the HUffies unable to chill out in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, who does a mean "Duke of Earl" strut, is in the [brackets]:



"MC Rove" Raps At DC Dinner.

[Sparking off a round of Leftwing anger.]

It made me nauseous to see him yukking it up as if he's not a criminal who has done more to undermine democracy and civility in public discourse than any other person in history. He should be in disgrace wearing handcuffs, not being hugged by performers and applauded by hotshots from the press.


[Good news! Karl Rove was indicted last May 12 according to Pied Piper Pitt.]


I couldn't watch this on cspan, it made me sick. Much to vile. How can we get at the truth when the media is in this administrations side pocket! Iknew i wouldn't watch it when I saw the fox guys there and GW started his lame stand-up routine!


[Another flareup of incurable BDS (Bush Derangement Syndrome).]


The guy should be in jail and instead he is dancing around like some kind of jack ass.


["MC Rove" danced neatly around that May 12 indictment.]


This is all to show KR is a regular guy,has a great sence of humor, can make fun of himself. The fact is he,s still a liar, cheat,corrupt pig. and a person that wants to tear down whats wonderful about this country every chance he gets. He makes me sick.


[Call him "MC Rove" dude, not "KR."]


Karl Rove trying to seem 'hip' and a 'cool' rapper is yet another sign of the impending Apocolypse,....


[Then the Apocalypse must begin at the Laugh Factory. (Note to Jamie Masada: I worked in yet another mention of your club.)]


Laugh now, genocidal mass murdering fascists.


[BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!]


Classic sociopath. If that video isn't an "F-U", I don't know what is. This is disgusting. Nothing will get this guy down. It sickens me.


[It sickens me that MC Rove is having so much fun!]


It is an issue of constutional and personal integrity. And this administration, not unlike every fascist government ever, is taking us to a very dark place. Ha. Ha. Ha. Laugh it up.


[Okay. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!]


Rove never fails to make Libs' heads blow off their necks. Generalissimo Pelosi probably popped a few face stitches wathing this video.

[The Left's reactions to MC Rove is almost as FUnnie as the dance itself.]


Meanwhile, on CBS, Harry Smith was almost apoplectic, squirming on the couch and biting his lips.


[Another humorless victim of BDS.]


What is it about American politics (and often business) that requires people in serious jobs to get up and do Moose Lodge-type antics.


[You would prefer that they walk around all the time in self-righteous indignation like you?]


If that doesn't kill rap nothing will.


[So maybe MC Rove did perform a serious public service.]


The only video I want to see of this fat, disgusting motherf*cker is him dying a slow, painful death!!


[And now the psychotic Left weighs in with complete murderous rage.]


What a distusting piece of nazi detritus. This whole spectacle is nauseating, a bunch of racist, criminally insane nazis frothing at the mouth.


[Are you competing with the previous HUffie in the psyschotic department?]


I just gouged my eyes out.


[Time now to work on your tiny brain.]


Why somebody hasn't taken this f*ck out (permanently) is beyond me....Bush, Cheney, Rice all deserve a nice neck stretching.


[Attention HUffie takingbkourcountry! You will soon be trying to rap dance your way out of self-incrimination while discussing the above post with the Secret Service. I repeat, HUffie takingbkourcountry.]


one hates to see these vile snakes having fun...you wish that every second of their life to be filled with pain and suffering 100x the levels they have caused...corporate facist bastards.....


[Obviously they are experiencing some Schadenfreude at your expense. Your misery makes them HAPPY!!!]



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p.s. Check out what one of our happy customers had to SAY about the amazing helicopter kite.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Watching DUmmie Ants Watching Us Watching Them



Every once in awhile, the residents of my DUmmie Ant Farm stop in the middle of their Leftwing Circular Mill and suddenly notice that they are being watched. And what they see makes them VERY self concious. As is typical in this DUmmie THREAD, they are outraged because they are being quoted word for word accurately for all to laugh at. This seems to be typical among those of the Leftwing Loony persuasion nowadays. Their attitude is "How dare you quote what we actually say!!!" Sorry, but Copy and Paste is the secret of the DUmmie FUnnies success. We accurately quote you to maximize the laughs. We just can't make up this priceless comedy material. As a special bonus, we even have a cameo appearance by Pied Piper Pitt's mother, DUmmie Raven, in this thread. So let us now watch the DUmmies watch us in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, thanking the DUmmies for the many laughs, is in the [brackets]:


I can't figure out the problem the freeps have with these DU threads.

[No problem at all. We just like to harvest your material for laughs.]

I read both of them and I honestly can't figure out why they honed in on these particular threads. Maybe they don't like a celebrity encounter? Perhaps it's something personal? Oh wait...most of it is vaguely homophobic.

[As chronicled in yesterday's EDITION of the DUmmie FUnnies, there is something very FUnnie in Will "I'm where celebrity worship goes to die" Pitt's desperate groupie-like attempts to hit on Kevin Spacey.]


I'd say they're rabidly jealous of Mr. Pitt.

[Yeah. I'm green with envy. Pitt actually got to TOUCH Kevin Spacey. OMG!!!]


They hate Hollyweird


[Why should I hate Hollyweird when they provide such great DUFU material?]


The Freepers are so bereft of imagination, if they couldn't pull OUR threads and attack US, they'd have nothing to post. True! They live to attack and hate "the other." You and me, dear fellow DUers, are the reason for their angst as well as motivation for them to carry on with their seemingly miserable existence, i.e., self righteousness and condemnation of all others unlike themselves.
We are very special to these troglodytes known as "The Freepers."


[Yes, you are special to us. An ENDLESS source of comedy material.]


Bukowskis rocks by the way


[But it doesn't sound like a great place to pick up chicks.]


Wow...I think I need to take a shower. I don't usually go to Free Republic because it feels like descending into a sewer. I must say, I'm amazed they they seem so obsessed with Will but they don't seem to want to tackle him on the important stuff...just a kind of fun account of a meeting with Kevin Spacey...and yet the venom is really shocking, way over the top considering that Will's post on Spacey was harmless. The personal stuff that they spew about my son is upsetting to me although it is an indication that they can't stay out of the gutter and don't have the mental wherewithall to debate him on the facts and on the things that really matter. I guess I should be happy that he can get these pond scums so agitated.


[And that was Pied Piper Pitt's mother aka Raven. So Raven, or let me call you Mom, the reason why we seemed "obsessed" with Will is that he provides us with the BEST comedy material. Whether it is his prediction that Karl Rove had already been indicted on May 12 or his Midnight Cowboy outfit trip to Texas where he got chewed up by fireants or his overlong geopolitical treatise in which he claims that the "Third American Empire" was born at the 1980 Winter Olympics when inflamed nationalistic fans screamed "USA! USA!", Pitt is an endless source for material. And whenever he runs out of the comedy material, we never have to wait more than 24 business hours for more.]


The Spacey part was just a frame of the bigger point
It's an interesting detail but it was more about The whole Devil exists and how to define it. I noticed how they just ignore the metaphor and message completely.


[Yes the segue from Spacey worship to an overlong pontificating treatise on Eisenhower's Farewell Address.]


You'd be jealous, too, if your closest encounter to fame was rubbing against the Nuge's loincloth


[Pitt's closet encounter to fame was rubbing against Keyser Soze's loincloth.]


what do they have? culturally?? other than Toby Keith? I wonder what music these people listen to or what films they watch? For instance, do they EVER see stand-up comedy?? They have nowhere to turn because EVERYONE disagrees with them and they hate it. All they can do is make gay jokes or talk about how fat Al Gore is and really can't help but watch Jon Stewart and Colbert.

[We don't listen to music. Ever. Just ask Freeper Charles Henrickson.]

Herald Of The Republic 03-28-07



CITIZENS OF THE REPUBLIC!!! I bring you greetings from our Glorious Leader, Li'l Beaver! And now for the news of the day:

Penis At Risk! Penis At Risk! Brad Pitt's Penis is At Risk!!! The hostage half of the Brangelina couple is reportedly doomed to undergo nuptials Easter Weekend in Santo Domingo with the blood worshipping, flesh gouging Vampiress Angelina Jolie. An advisory alert has been sent warning Brad to back out NOW while he still has a chance. Once married, his talleywhacker will be permanently endgangered from the knife wielding Vampiress with a reputation for slicing body parts. Any citizen encountering Pitt is is urged to direct the actor to the nearest constabulary where he can place Mr. Wee Wee into the Penis Protection Program.

Traitorous Copperhead Democrats and Rino "Republican" Chuck the Shmuck Hagel have passed a surrender bill in the Senate! With a date set for surrender, the Senate has bent over, grabbed its ankles, and is ready to accept whatever cornholing the Islamofascist Mullahs desire to give them. Praise Allah and pass the vaseline!

John Kerry served in Vietnam! John Kerry served in Vietnam! In case you haven't yet heard---John Kerry served in Vietnam!

When purchasing cans of dolphin meat, all citizens are urged to check for the "Tuna Free" label!

And now we leave you with the idiotic liberal quote of the day. This quote comes care of moron economist, Lester Thurow, who in the middle of the Evil Empire collapse in 1989, infamously said: "Today the Soviet Union is a country whose economic achievements bear comparison with those of the United States."

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

William Rivers Pitt Invites Kevin Spacey To His Apartment



You read that right. Pied Piper Pitt actually did invite Kevin Spacey quite urgently over to his apartment. Actually this story began two weeks ago as you can see in this Pitt THREAD when Kevin Spacey walked into Bukowski's and in the midst of a Pitt lecture about he wasn't awed by celebrity, he engaged in celebrity worship of the most blatant sort. In the second ENCOUNTER with Spacey in the same bar, Pitt dispensed with whatever fictitious non-chalance he pretended to have the first time and BEGGED Spacey to visit his simple abode. So let us now watch Pied Piper Pitt invite Kevin Spacey to his Trust Fund Pad in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, wondering if Pitt extended the same invite to George Michael as well, is in the [brackets]:


So I was drinking a beer with Keyser Soze tonight...(yeah, seriously)


[This is the first of the two celebrity worship threads posted by Pied Piper Pitt.]


I've been beat tired all day, and had to drag myself along through a seven-hour blizzard of errands, driving, waiting, errands, driving, waiting, lather, rinse, repeat. I finally got home around 7pm, planning to do little more than sprawl on the couch and watch something vapid on the tube.


[But then you felt Bukowski's calling.]


But in a space of about 45 minutes, I got two phone calls, both bearing very good news from and for two very good friends. My batteries had a little charge left thanks to that, so I decided to head down to my bar for a mug and a few pages of the Lincoln biography I'm reading.


[ANY excuse to go to Bukowski's. Global Warming about to end the world? Must go to Bukowski's to go out in style. Nothing at all happening? Must go to Bukowski's to fight the boredom. No matter what the mood, Bukowski's is the answer for everything Pitt.]


The place was Monday-night dead, just the bouncer and the bartender dealing with maybe three customers besides me. Perfect. Ipswich Ale in the mug, and the chapter about Lincoln's early attempts to deal with Douglas open before me.


[Was that Ty the Bouncer who so willingly plays the clueless Lenny to your oh-so-wise George?]


A little while passed, and then the door opened. A clot of maybe seven people come in, well dressed folks who pretty clearly were fairly far into their cups. The poured into the stools maybe ten feet from me. One of them, a guy wearing a simple hat and brown coat, sits by the tap racks and turns his face towards me while talking to his friend.


[Love is a Many Slendored Thing,
It Happens Each and Every Spring!]


I looked. Looked again. Third time. Damned if that isn't Kevin Spacey, I thought.


[And Will's heart went Pitter Patter.]


It was. I guess he's making a movie in town, and he just happened to stagger (pretty much literally, homeboy was tight) into my wee little bar beneath the parking garage.


[Come Hither my Kevin and stagger into my wee little bar.]


Keyser f*ckin' Soze. Right there.


[GASP! A real celeb right here in my beloved Bukowski's! Heart be still!!!]


Now, I'm the place where celebrity worship goes to die, for the most part. Meeting Muhammad Ali when I was a kid, and meeting Arthur Schlesinger a few years ago, stand waaaay out among a whole pile of actors, politicians and randomly famous folks I've come across.


[Pitt now goes to very unconvincing pains to convince us that he doesn't worship celebrity while drooling over Kevin Spacey.]


Spacey doesn't rate with Ali or Schlesinger, of course, but I have to admit being more than a little bug-eyed as I watched him wrestle with a glass of Duvel. 'American Beauty' had a huge impact on me, something movies usually don't do, and 'The Usual Suspects' is in the pantheon of all-time amazing films.


[After that momentary resistance that was all pretend, Pitt falls head over heels ga-ga in his celeb worship of Spacey.]


And yeah, here was Keyser f*ckin' Soze.


[WOO HOO! I have sighted a real HONEST TO GOD CELEB!!!]


So I did the total cheese move, of course. I walked over, tapped his shoulder, welcomed him to the bar, told him I really admired his work, and toasted him. He smiled somewhat blearily but with genuine friendliness, toasted back, we drank, I said goodnight, and shuffled back to my stool. About 20 minutes later, he and the group reeled off into the night.


[So I did a totally cheesey move, of course. I walked over and and...TOUCHED HIM!!! OMG he SMILED AT ME!!! And then he walked out of my life forever...almost.]


The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist. Well, he does exist, because I tipped a beer with him in my bar tonight. Keyser f*ckin' Soze.


[ME! Little ME!!! And Kevin Spacey actually breathed on ME!!! OMG, I'm gonna faint!]


Funny aside: the doorman recognized Spacey immediately when he and his crew first rolled up to the door, and likewise recognized that they were all fairly sauced. He told me later that he really wanted to tell Spacey he was too drunk to come in.


[If you're quoting Ty the Bouncer, why don't you give us half a book of EXACT quotes from him like you did last year?]


"Really?" I asked.


[How dare you not grovel in his presence!]


F*ck yeah," he replied. "I'd get to tell people I bounced Keyser f*ckin' Soze."


[And so ends Part I of Pitt's celeb worship story. Now on to PART II in which Pitt actually hits on Kevin Spacey...]


The Powers That Be


[Fated that I should encounter Kevin Spacey again.]


There were maybe three of us at the bar a couple of Tuesdays ago, one of those quiet past-midnight midweek nights when most people are safely indoors, when the wind blowing around the buildings seemed loud because the sidewalks were so silent, and one last winter snowstorm made even the tire buzz of the cabs on Boylston Street sound like it was coming from miles away. This low whisper of a Tuesday night found me and two regulars trying to keep the bored bartenders from lighting themselves on fire just so they'd have something to do besides stare at us over the taps.


[This is Pied Piper Pitt desperately trying to do a Raymond Chandler impression. I can even cite the Chandler story that Pitt is pathetically trying to emulate, Red Wind. Sorry, Pitt, but your Chandler wannabee impression comes off as HILARIOUS in its desperation to sound like him.]


The door blew open suddenly and a swarm of seven loud boozers, nicely tarnished at the end of what had pretty clearly been a long night, came boiling in. Six of them were doing everything they could to make sure we knew they were there, but the seventh fellow in the brown scally cap held the group's center in smiling silence, like an atom at the core of boisterously inebriated electrons. He sat down four stools away from me, ordered a beer, and proceeded to go to work on it like a military school freshman eating dinner in the cafeteria, all right angles and serious business.


[Six loud boozers and in the middle of them, my heart palpitations were set off by the one quiet one who is the light of my life. PITTER! PATTER!]


I looked over the group before really focusing on the fellow in the cap. And then looked again, and then looked a third time, staring long and hard to make sure I wasn't imagining things. I wasn't. Here, at my bar and almost within arm's reach, was actor Kevin Spacey, who is apparently in town making a movie about those MIT guys who beat Vegas. Here was Lester Burnham, here was John Doe by choice, here was one of the few screen performers who can make me forget about my overarching disdain for celebrity worship and transform me into a starstruck goober.


[I looked over the group before really focusing on the fellow in the cap. And then looked again, and then looked a third time, staring long and hard into his zipper in throes of hypnotic rapture. Here, at my bar and almost within arm's reach was my beloved, who is apparently in town making a movie. I forgot my overarching disdain for celebrity worship and was transformed into a starstruck Spacey groupie.]


Here was Keyser freakin' Soze getting his drink on ten feet away from me, 'Verbal' Kint from "The Usual Suspects," the man with the plan, one cigarette lighter (gold), one watch (gold), the man who asked the question: how do you shoot the Devil in the back? What if you miss?


[TAKE ME! I'M YOURS!!!]


It was a treat. He walked in again the following Saturday, accompanied by an even larger crew, and my friends and I came within an eyelash of convincing him to swing by my apartment for a few after-hours Newcastles. Our sales pitch was foiled by his entourage, however, who were apparently too impressed with themselves to stoop to such meager entertainment opportunities and wound up talking him out of the trip. They seemed a little like pilot fish over-enjoying the ego rush that comes with swimming alongside a shark, but no matter. Spacey, for the record, struck me as a perfectly nice, unassuming guy during our relatively brief interactions.


[This time I did't even try to play coy. I invited him over my apartment for some really fruity cocktails. Alas it was not to be. Even he was revolted with the sickly fishbelly white pallor covering my entire body.]


The rest of that week had all the regulars cracking off Soze jokes with a will, once word got out that he had passed through our insular little clubhouse. Brendan the doorman, as usual, deployed the best line of all. "I could tell he was pretty loaded when he first showed up," said Brendan, "and I really wanted to tell him he was too drunk to come inside." The rest of us, already sensing this joke's payoff looming over the horizon, asked him why he'd bounce Kevin Spacey. "Are you kidding?" he replied. "I wanted to do it so I could tell all my friends I bounced Keyser freakin' Soze."


[Brendan? What happened to Ty? Come to think of it what happened to any WOMEN in Bukowski's. In all of Pitt's mentions of Bukowski's I never hear about any WOMEN there (with the exception of Cinday Sheehan).]


The random appearance of this actor I greatly admire ended up, some days later, dovetailing into the crushing writer's block I've been wrestling with since February. A shroud of cynical semi-paralysis had been wrapping itself around me every time I even thought about dealing with my keyboard, a what's-the-point fatalism I haven't had to cope with for years. Not being able to write is a lot like not being able to sleep; my mind couldn't take out the garbage, and the whole house started to stink.


[You've had writer's block since February? Hmmm... That dovetails with the warning given in the DUmmie FUnnies for Temporary Sockpuppet to STFU about Scooter Libby or else. Okay, just thinking out loud here.]


I thought about Keyzer Soze, a bad guy for the ages, the Man behind the Man behind the Man whose power is absolute because he is invisible, whose very name inspires the kind of awed terror that makes the rabbit in the road freeze in the harsh glare of onrushing headlights. It's a neat little fiction, imagining an arch-fiend far more frightening than Darth Vader simply because he looks like everyone else, but I realized, after having some sport with Spacey's visit, that the truth of the deal is truly insidious.


[Too late, Will. You can try all you want but Kevin Spacey is still not going home with you.]


The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled, said Spacey in that film, was convincing the world He didn't exist. He's real, though, that all-powerful Devil, real as rivets, and my cynical writer's block was inspired by the fact that devising an effective plan to defeat him, or finding powerful politicians willing to defy him, or even doing something simple like writing about it all, starts to feel like the very definition of "a bridge too far" in these dim and degraded days.


[Pitt is thinking that if he just continues to drool over Kevin Spacey online, maybe that will change his mind about visiting his apartment.]


The short version of the challenge: our American socio-economic system has been wired to serve a small cadre of invisible Kayser Soze's, whose awesome power and snug insulation was founded and augmented by three distinct moments in our history. When corporations were given Fourteenth Amendment rights through Supreme Court cases like Trustees of Dartmouth College v. Woodward and Santa Clara v. Southern Pacific Railroad; when those newly-minted and vastly wealthy corporate "persons" were allowed to buy and sell all our politicians after the Supreme Court's decision in Buckley v. Valeo; and most especially when Harry Truman's Doctrine put the American economy onto a permanent wartime economic footing, the deal pretty much went down.


[SHEESH! What happened to that blessed writer's block you claimed to have? All I see here are a bunch of meaningless words with all thought and reasoning blocked out.]


It's that last one that really rings the bells, the one that compelled President Eisenhower to deliver perhaps the most ridiculous farewell speech in American history. Can you imagine a post-Vietnam president having the stones to say things like, "In the councils of government, we must guard against the acquisition of unwarranted influence, whether sought or unsought, by the military-industrial complex; the potential for the disastrous rise of misplaced power exists and will persist" on national television? One might as well wait for George W. Bush to avoid snickering like a fart-laying teenager in church whenever he talks about American soldiers dying in Iraq. It won't happen.


[Pitt segues from his Spacey drool to hallucinating about Eisenhower's farewell speech. This is starting to remind me of those exotic birds that do bizarre dances to attract a mate. Sorry, Will, but Kevin is NOT impressed.]


Eisenhower said all that for good reason. An American economy nailed to a permanent wartime footing means the preparation for and fighting of wars is as vital to our economic health as consumer confidence, housing sales and the Dow Jones. Having war stand as a vital component of the economy means a river - to the tune of trillions, mind you - of taxpayer dollars has to be funneled into the coffers of those, simply put, who make the bullets and control the oil. One cannot fight a war without bullets and petroleum, both of which cost exactly as much as can be charged, and the ones getting paid to deliver these vital economic interests are both rich beyond the dreams of avarice and powerful beyond all measure.


[YAWN! Only Pitt can go immediately from fawning celeb worship to boring us to death with meaningless pontifications about the economy. Hey Will, why don't you now impress Kevin with your Third American Empire thesis and how it all started at the 1980 Winter Olympics?]


Politics and politicians, therefore, are mostly windowdressing. They come and go, they write the rules that redirect that river of cash because they've been bought, while all the Soze's remain fixed, fed, permanent, silent and strong. We can yell about fired US Attorneys, howl about an Iraq withdrawal plan from the House that has no chance of effecting any real withdrawal, and pretend that protests in the shadow of the Capitol dome actually make a real difference in the broader scheme. They do, but they don't. Understand that whenever you hear about the "incompetence" of the Bush administration, about "failure" and "fraud," you're also hearing the high ring of a cash register bell.


[Okay, this rant about nothing that makes sense might attract George Michael to your personal Port-a-Potty but it is definitely not going to bring Kevin Spacey to your apartment.]


Someone is always, always, always getting paid for every so-called "mistake" that has been made, and those enjoying that largesse are the most important constituency in American politics. Their ability to put a lot of zeroes on a campaign contribution check guarantees that, no matter what else happens, the bombs and bullets and providers of same will always be taken care of, because it's in our economic interests to do so, don'tcha know.


[ZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.... Keyser Snoozes as Pitt Pontificates.]


These are the real Keyser Soze's, and defeating them involves deconstructing a latticework of wink-and-nod politics where everyone is bought and thus no one is to blame, where the system itself is hard-wired to serve they guys who can ink those zeroes. Everyone knows something has gone wrong, everyone is riled up about it, but almost no one comes to the connection between these "mistakes" and the taxes they'll dutifully hand over next month. Someone is always getting paid, and you may as well call that someone Keyser, because he is running your world from soup to nuts and you'll never, ever see him.


[This is Pitt's version of whispering sweet nothings into Spacey's ear.]


The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world He didn't exist. The other great trick He pulled was making it almost entirely impossible to untangle His influence. Thanks, Kevin. I'll see you at the bar.


[But not in your apartment although I hear Richard Simmons is available.]

Herald Of The Republic 03-27-07


CITIZENS OF THE REPUBLIC!!! I bring you greetings from our Glorious Leader, Li'l Beaver! And now for the news of the day:

Democrats are shocked, SHOCKED that several U.S. Attorneys have been fired! Never before in the history of the Republic have U.S. Attorneys ever been fired as can be confirmed by the ex-president and Marc Rich pardoner with the twisted talleywhacker.

All fathers of Anna Nicole Smith's child are urged to gather at the local stadium! The overflow crowd can gather in the parking lot for a tailgate party.

Angelina Jolie ditches her newly purchased baby! After declaring her devotion to her new cash bought baby, the Hollywood Vampiress ditched the newbie along with her other baby purchases in order to do a screen test in Chicago! Stand by for another Jolie lecture on motherhood soon to ensue.

The son of TV producer Aaron Spelling, Randy Spelling, claims he was the one who deflowered the notorious Hollywood Whore, Paris Hilton, thus making him the first in the vast army that followed! On the heels of his Whore Hilton announcement, Randy is expected to declare that he is the father of Anna Nicole Smith's child.

Attention all Druids! There will be a bingo game following the Wednesday night oak worship service.

Monday, March 26, 2007

Angry Hippie Nostalgia



Most notalgia for the past is either fond or bittersweet. In the case of Hippie nostalgia it is mostly ANGRY. Why? Because the Age of Aquarius never came to be. Back in the Hippie 60s the tambourine playing New Agers were CERTAIN that they were just the beginning of a new era of Peace, Love, and unlimited drugs. The Disco 70s began to cast doubt on that vision and the Reagan 80s pretty much destroyed it. Instead of a Collectivist Future we now live in a mostly Free Enterprise Present. On top of that the youth of today not only don't emulate the Hippies, they MOCK them as can be seen on South Park with its Die Hippie, Die! episode. As a result, the old Hippies HATE the youth of today as you can see in this DUmmie THREAD titled, "Vietnam-era protesters....are you getting angry?" So let us now watch the angry old Hippies drop acid in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, who is also a noted Hippie Hunter, is in the [brackets]:


Vietnam-era protesters....are you getting angry?

[SOB! We lived in the time of Gimme Shelter and now we are in the horrible present of Gimme Tax Shelter.]

It's more than four years into a war that the public overwhelmingly rejects, yet if you attend Iraq war protests or watch the coverage of them you'll notice that the vast majority of marchers are in the 40-60 age range.


[Young people have better things to do with their lives than to relive your acid trip fantasies.]


There's a generation missing in action. The same generation which is currently doing the fighting and dying in Iraq.


[There was a generation missing their sanity. The Hippie generation.]


I bring this up because a small blog I frequent posted some old footage of a Vietnam-era protest and the comments that footage prompted showed, shall we say, a certain fraying of patience with those who aren't making the same sacrifices we made 40 years ago. Perhaps seeing footage of just how violent some of the protests got - violence against us, violence in return for violence - presented a real contrast to the meek, tame, and silent generation of today. I speak broadly, of course. I know that many young individuals are starting to act, but not nearly enough. How long can we continue to carry their water? Are you getting resentful?


[What sacrifices did you make? Going on acid trips and fouling yourselves while comatose in Golden Gate Park?]


Those old footages evoked long buried memories, and many complex, contradictory thoughts. My first routine reaction was a pride for belonging to that depicted generation, and the frustration I feel about the present one, who doesn't 'rattle the cage', or clashes with our oppressors as energeticaly as we once did, along the line of anoymous and jukebox.


[It's called an acid flashback.]


Then the more I thought about it, the more it troubled and humbled me. In one of my somber mood I observed, how little we have accomplished through all that protestation: We couldn't even hold-on what we had inherited from our elders, instead we lost a significant portion of it, and as a result, we give markedly worse Human and social conditions to our inheritors to deal with, than what we have enjoyed during the post-war boom.


[You couldn't hold on to what was handed down to you because you were stoned out of your minds.]


...It appears that the 'masters and the 'oligarchs' have the upper hand now, and scant hope left for us. We need to face the reality, that they have almost succeeded to atomize and alieanate contemporary Western society, in order to eliminate social solidarity and cohesion, and indeed sowed plenty of animosity among us worldwide, using any characteristics which might divide us, be it religion, nationality, language or culture, so they never have to face all of us at once, and also how they harnessed technological powers to their diabolical purposes, such as to keep Humanity under constant surveillance and in chains, instead of using it to liberate Humanity


[We enslaved you while you wasted years sleeping off your overdosed fantasies.]


Why haven't we done a very good job getting this generation involved in the war policy? Is it impossible to break through the apathy? Or have we dominated a leadership that should properly be turned over to the next generation?


[The next generation has just one message for you; "Die Hippie, DIE!!!" And now on to the other angry Hippie rantings over the Age of Aquarius that never came to be...]


They are not being drafted, they have nothing to loose. Bringing back the draft will bring back the young protesters

[Hmmm... Maybe Charlie Rangel who introduced the draft bill that he voted against was really trying to bring back the Hippies.]


If they thought they would get drafted DC would explode with protesters.


[According to MTV scare campaign of 2004, we already should have had the draft.]


If there was a draft today, IMO, we would see the same thing we saw back then.


[So maybe we'll see the Hippies protesting FOR the draft this time.]


I agree - a lot of young kids - but they do not number in the thousands - and they walk too fast!


[They number in the dozens and that's about it.]


IF (BIG IF) there is a draft...then NO deferments, IMO. Yeah, those with physical and/or mental disabilities which would prevent them from serving, that would be the ONLY thing and they would basically be a 4-F and not a deferment. Line 'em up and issue a draft number. IMO, does not matter if a lottery or older ones first. Want to end this war??? Start a draft with basically NO deferments. The outrage would have EVERYONE out on the streets and that would include parents like GWB's who might have the strings to pull to get their kid into the champaign unit of an ANG unit. Like Rangel proposed ~~ put their feet to the fire and watch the sentiment turn to the point that Iraq would end post haste.

[The same Rangel who voted against his own draft bill proposal.]


Since a lot of us were in the protests in the 60s and 70s, I am trying to think back on the make up of the crowds. I do not recall the numbers of older protesters like we are seeing today. Primarily, IIRC, it was the 20-ish crowd and on the college and university campuses, the liberal older profs. I gotta laugh ~~ back then, a 35 year old prof was old to me and now 60 sounds YOUNG! Oh, my....where have all the years gone!?!?!?!


[The years passed by while you were sleeping off a massive 60s OD.]


I ran into folks from the 30's. Anarchists and communists and assorted others who were in their 60's, 70's and older who were glad to see us youngsters out in the streets again. The wheel has turned and now we are the old ones.


[The wheel has turned and now you are as irrelevant as the IWW Wobblies.]


Do you feel that the internet alone will cause enough movement of opinion that things will change?


[The internet has allowed Mommie's basement activists to believe they are making a difference while posting on the Web and mainlining pizza. DUAC! DUAC!]


I'm not hostile to hippies per se. It's just that "Hippie" in my mind is associated with "New Age woo woo."


[I know hippies. I've hated them all my life. I've kept this town free of hippies on my own since I was five and a half. But I can't contain them on my own anymore. We have to do something, fast!]


There has been a lot of propaganda against what some call "New Age" and some call spirituality. From my personal experience, those who are really into spirituality leave those who think it "woo woo" alone. The ones who make fun of it and say it exploits others were never really a part of the movement.


[These are what we call the giggling stoners, pretty common form of hippies, usually found in the attics. Problem is, if you see one hippie, there are probably a whole more you're not seeing.]


Dobie Gillis' best friend was a role model for me - whenever the word "work" was said, he would shudder.


[WORK!]


And "New Agers" go back even further than that
with the Theosophical Society ca 1910, Inayat Khan (1884-1927) bringing Sufism to the West around the same time. Most of the Eastern mystical schools that became known in the West have their roots that go back hundreds of years. Even Spiritualism was popular in the latter half of the nineteenth century; I'm sure my great great great uncle Andrew would be quite at home with some of the things I do today.

[Did your great great great uncle Andrew get a 10 quart yogurt enema from Mr. Kellogg at the Battle Creek Sanitarium?]


I blame it on Ipods.


[Ipods are killing off the remaining Hippies.]


We blew it in the '60s. We failed to dismantle the aggressive war machine.


[You blew it when you dropped your first acid.]


American young people have to negotiate a very different political world than the one we knew as young people. It is a world of hypocrisy and denial. It is a world constantly infused with a false rightwing narrative, created and promulgated by the 5 billionaire CEOs who control all "news" and opinion. It is a world in which democracy hardly exists any more, if you consider the Bushite-controlled voting machines, and other dismal facts--like, it takes a million dollars to even think of running for Congress (if you're going to play the game by their rules--pass money from sincere, hopeful, citizen donors, right into the pockets of the war profiteering corporate news monopoly moguls, for TV campaign ads). It is BushWorld.


[Right now we're proving we don't need corporations. We don't need money. This can become a commune where everyone just helps each other.]


I have been closely studying the awesome, leftist (majorityist), democratic revolution that is occurring all over South America. We need to look beneath, and outside of, this dead corporate culture that is oppressing us, for new inspiration. And it there, let me tell you. In the '60s, the thing that saved this country's soul was the youth culture. Privileged white kids from the north traveling to Alabama and Mississippi, to support the black civil rights movement. Really remarkable things like that happened, because something was happening with young people--this awakening that I tried to describe. Well, that awakening is now happening in Venezuela, Brazil, Argentina, Chile, Bolivia, Ecuador, Uruguay, Nicaragua--all of which have elected leftist governments in the last few years--and also there are great leftist movements occurring in southern Mexico and Mexico City, in Peru and in Paraguay (and even in Guatemala). And much of this inspiration is coming from the indigenous--the most oppressed people in the western hemisphere--finally coming into their own, as a political force. It is a beautiful thing to see.


[Yeah, we'll have one guy who like, who like, makes bread. A-and one guy who like, l-looks out for other people's safety.]


If we could all afford shrinks; real shrinks, ones like Sigmund Freud, and study the techniques of the great actors like Brando -- the world would be at peace.


[May I laminate that profound thought and place it in my wallet for all eternity?]


* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

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Herald Of The Republic 03-26-07




CITIZENS OF THE REPUBLIC!!! I bring you greetings from our Glorious Leader, Li'l Beaver! And now for the news of the day:

The hideously ugly muff munching baby buying bitch known as Rosie O'Donnell has emitted yet another foul fart! This time her flatulence came in the form of an assinine assertion that the British sailor hostages captured themselves to stage another Gulf of Tonkin event in order to initiate a war with Iran. Remember, those heavy clouds of mental stench arrive daily from Rosie care of The View!

Sean Penn had a profound thought! Sean Penn had a profound thought! When he remembers what it is, the self-important, chip-on-the-shoulder Penn, most noted for binding and gagging his slutty Kabbalistic wannabee ex-wife Madonna, shall impart it to us. Until then it appears to remain shoved up in a Penn where the moon don't shine.

The clean and articulate presidential candidate, Barack Obama, stiffs his childhood chum! Obama heavily featured his high school buddy, Keith Kakugawa, in his book, Dreams From My Father. In this book, from which Barack earned a pretty penny, his friend was called "Ray" or you can call him "Ray" or maybe even call him "Ray." This former mentor of the clean and articulate candidate has fallen on hard times and when he called the senator from a pay phone on Los Angeles' skid row asking for some financial help, the curt response was Not One Damn Dime!

The Deadly Dull former presidential candidate, Humorless Tom Vilsack, has formally announced his candidacy for vice-president in the form of a letter of endorsement for the big-assed New York senator and presidential candidate, Hillary Clinton! Vilsack is most noted for being confused with a jar of Vlasic pickles and for being the first presidential candidate in and the first one out of the 2008 race. Free tablets of No-Doze will be distributed at future Vlasic speeches should he end up as the Veep Candidate of the Cattle Futures Market wizard.

All Citizens of the Republic are urged to invest in their financial future! And what better investment to make than in the Baby Futures Market? If you are a degenerate debauched celeb, buy your Baby Futures now to fix the price for when you are ready to purchase the baby of your choice in the future. As just an investment it can't be beat. Buy a Baby Future low now and sell high to a sanity-challenged Hollywood type later on when such babies are at a premium. Remember, buying babies is a growing fad among the jaded liberal elite otherwise unqualified to adopt so as an investment it can't be beat.



Sunday, March 25, 2007

Herald Of The Republic



CITIZENS OF THE REPUBLIC!!! I bring you greetings from our Glorious Leader, Li'l Beaver! And now for the news of the day:

Let it be known to one and all that the drug-addicted whore-hunter, Charlie Sheen, has completely lost his mind! Between hits on his crack pipe, Sheen has begun spewing 9/11 Truther nonsense involving a U.S. government conspiracy to bring down the Twin Towers. Any citizen spotting the debauched Sheen is urged to detain him for the authorities to place into detox once again.

House in Disarray! House in Disarray! Bills stuck in committee! Waxman's nose out of joint! Corrupt Jack Murtha sobbing on the House floor. Steny Hoyer not on speaking terms with the Speaker. And the Speaker forced to bribe with pork the passage of a traitorous bill filled with lawyerly provisos designed to undercut our troops in Iraq. A bill which has no hopes of ever becoming law due to an imminent veto should the Senate ever be duped into passing it.

Barbara Walters has declared Hugo Chavez to be "passionate." The TV celeb with the notable speech impediment has not yet quite declared her unbridled love for the crazed Venezuelan but she definitely has the hots for him. Will she give it up to him? Perhaps the striken Fidel can provide the answer.

The hostage taking insane president of Iran, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, cancelled his UN trip to New York in the wake of more hostages being taken in the form of British sailors. Rumor had it that the trip was cancelled due to the insane president not being allowed to bring his butterfly net to the UN podium.

The Vampiress Angelina Jolie has purchased another child in Vietnam! Take heed from her example. Are you completely unfit to adopt due to mental health problems involving rampant vampirism? Do you wear vials of blood around your neck, cut chunks out of your flesh, and cover your body with ugly tattoos of indecipherable cult-like rantings? Then there is good news for you. Child adoption is still possible at the Jaded Liberal Celeb Adoption Agency. For the right price, this agency can purchase for you the foreign baby from the country of your choice. And as an additional bonus, for an extra payment, you can buy it an embarrassing new name of your choosing. Remember, all baby purchases are PAID for in advance.



Friday, March 23, 2007

House In Disarray Song Parodies



(In response to my request for song parodies based on the theme of the House In Disarray, I received several great ones, including these three. The first and last one are by Charles Henrickson and the second one listed here is by Doug From Upland. So sit back and follow the bouncing ball as you sing along. First up is Henrickson's There Is A House In Disarray (House of the Rising Sum) sung to the tune of House of the Rising Sun.)


There is a House in disarray
On a Hill in Washington
And it's been the doin' of Nancy and her boys
But, man, you know it's fun!

Well, Nancy is the Speaker
She brings the gavel down
You know that she's not smilin'
Although her face can't frown

Now the only thing that's strong enough
To make her eyelids blink
Is a visit to her office from
Her friends they call Code Pink

{Organ solo}

Oh, Nancy, tell your members
Not to stop what they've begun:
Spend their time and not our treasury
In the House of the Rising Sum

'Cause when the Dems are fightin'
And split among themselves
Their stupid tax-and-spend bills
Get put back on the shelf

Well, there is a House in disarray
On a Hill in Washington
And it's been the doin' of Nancy and her boys
But, man, you know it's fun!


(And now for the Disarray song by Doug From Upland sung to the tune of Cabaret...)


When they took over, they thought they'd have fun...it would all be okay But they are clueless, yes indeed, they are in disarray

They wanted Stretch Face to change everything...right wing, out of her way
But they are clueless, yes indeed, they are in disarray

Drive off a bridge, bucks in the fridge
They are a group of lowlife losers
Liars, cheaters, scumbag boozers

Mad Maxine Waters will burn the place down if she doesn't get her way
They are so clueless, yes indeed, they are in disarray

Drive off a bridge, bucks in your fridge
They are a group of lowlife losers
Liars, cheaters, scumbag boozers

They are in power, now what will they do...just like children they will play
They are so clueless, yes indeed
They are so clueless, yes indeed
They are so clueless, yes indeed, they are in disarray


(And finally we finish up with Charles Henrickson's Rats On The Floor, What's With You? Sing this to the tune of Car 54, Where Are You? Are you ready? Then follow the bouncing ball and a one and a two and a...)


There's an uproar in the House
A new chair to reappoint
There's a bill stuck in committee
Waxman's nose is out of joint
Murtha's mouth's been redeployed
Rangel's gettin' real annoyed--
'Rats on the floor, what's with you?

There's a plan to start the draft
Nancy's broken out the whip
There's a caucus getting raucous
Barney let the "F" word slip
There's a list that we've compiled
Of the Democrats gone wild--
'Rats on the floor, what's with you?

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Chuck Schumer Pretends To Seek Electoral Advice From KOs KOmmies



In what could be referred to as "Operation Stroke The NUtroots," Senator Chuck the Shmuck Schumer is pretending to look to the Daily KOs KOmmies for campaign advice on picking senatorial candidates for 2008. Of course, Chuck has absolutely no intention of paying the least amount of attention to the NUtroots but he realizes it makes them feel good for them to think he needs their help. Chuck's basic goal here is to keep the NUtroots in check so they don't go "off reservation" and hurt the Democrats with their well known lunacy. You can see this silly Chuckie act in this KOmmie THREAD he authored titled, "2008 Senate Recruiting." So let us now watch Chuckie go through the phony motions of asking the KOmmies for their dopey advice which he WON'T be taking in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, noting that Chuck always looks very excited while handling a gun, is in the [brackets]:


2008 Senate Recruiting


[Please give me your input which I won't pay the least bit of attention to.]


In my last diary here on Daily Kos I promised to come back and discuss something that I believe the netroots can play an important part in - recruiting for the 2008 Senate races.


[In my last diary here on KOmmieland I promised to come back with my Operation Stroke the NUtroots.]


Last cycle, I saw firsthand the transformational role bloggers are playing in our Party. Jim Webb and Jon Tester, candidates who were supported early by the blogosphere, are just two of the most prominent examples of the role the netroots can play in helping Democrats win more Senate seats. But the truth is the netroots helped us take back the Senate in thousands of smaller, less visible ways. Whether it was exposing Rick Santorum's extremism years before Election Day or joining grassroots organizations or making an early contribution to help get a campaign off the ground, the netroots has proven to be a formidable force that can help us win.


[The NUtroots are very helpful to us in smearing Republicans in ways the regular Democrats can't get away with publicly.]

And now I'd like to ask for your help again.


[Which I won't pay the least bit of attention to.]


In 2008 there are 21 seats currently held by Republicans that we'll be fighting to take back. In a few of those states, Democrats have already declared their intentions to run, yet in the majority of those races we need to find and recruit quality Democrats that have what it takes to win.


[We'll provide the candidates; you provide the smears.]


Netroots support is a key metric the DSCC uses to determine the viability of any given candidate. And the importance of netroots support is often larger in the early stages of an election cycle. Now is the time when the netroots can help find candidates and build the energy they'll need to win.


[Pay no attention to what I just posted about helping to find candidates. We only want you around to provide the "unofficial" smears.]


That's where you come in. I'd like to begin the discussion on who you think would make a good Democratic candidate for Senate in 2008. This will be the first of many discussions throughout the cycle. We need quality candidates in 21 states - from Oklahoma to Oregon, from Kentucky to New Hampshire - we're looking for Democrats that can win in 2008.


[We have a majority of only ONE (if you include a comatose member) in the Senate and you dopes actually think I'm going to rely on your NUtcase advice for maintaining a majority?]


So please make your suggestions and recommendations in the comments below. I've also asked my staff to create a section on our Web site that you can use to recommend Democratic candidates after today. Let's harness the power of the netroots to find the candidates that we need to expand our majority.


[Let's stroke the NUtroots to make them think they are important players in choosing Senatorial candidates. And now on to the NUtroots KOmmies themselves...]


Get someone who'll say what they mean, even if it upsets consultants. Even if it upsets people at places like this.


[Hugo Chavez?]


No more Joe Lieberman-style candidates.


[No more Maverick Democrats.]


Anyway you can do something with Lamont? He should be rewarded and positioned. He is one hell of a good guy; and if Bill Clinton and the rest of the wimpy Dems wouldn't have put cronism before democracy, he would be the Senator from CT instead whiny traitor Joe. Lieberman, what a waste!

[Make Lamont the shadow senator from CT.]


Maybe you should give Bill Moyers a call to see if he wants to run in Texas.


[Please take that advice Chuck. PLEASE!]


Also, we expect you and Harry Reid to stop up to the plate on Lieberman. He is NOT a Democrat and we expect you to support the Democratic candidate. Lieberman and this Republican Senate could have been avoided had you and the other stepped up and put your efforts behind Lamont. We hope you won't make that same mistake again. Lieberman is not a Dem and has not been for quite some time.


[Great advice. Excommunicate Lieberman and give the Senate majority to the Republicans.]


Get each of the Republicans running for re-election to explain how they would vote if George Bush were IMPEACHED for WAR CRIMES.

Would they ACQUIT George Bush for TORTURING INNOCENT PEOPLE TO DEATH?

How about outright BRIBERY from contractors, like the CONTINUING BRIBES paid to Dick Cheney by Halliburton? Would they acquit for that charge?

How about KNOWINGLY presenting FRAUDULENT "legislative intent" claims concocted by Senators Brownback, Kyl and Graham to the Supreme Court, in support of the president's declared power to commit war crimes, including SHOW TRIALS? Would they acquit him of that?

How about Bush's BRAZEN adoption of HITLER'S war doctrine, pre-emptive warfare, which is a CRIME AGAINST HUMANITY according to the Nuremberg Accords? Would they acquit him for that?

Senator Schumer, I HAVE NOT EXHAUSTED the litany of crimes with the above! The above is enough to sentence 33 top officials, including Bush and Cheney, to be EXECUTED.

[Senator Chuck: Meet your own NUtroots.]


quite apart from merely destroying a 500 year old tradition of democracy dating back to the Magna Carta, this Oiligarchy is hellbent on singlehandedly destroying our 200,000 year home on this planet rather than let renewable businesses prosper. When the ice goes we are all sunk.

[When the ice goes, we shall all be stuck drinking our rum drinks warm.]


After watching Gore's movie. I'm convinced it could come as soon as ten years from now, and probably no later than 50 years from now.

[Screeched the latter day Russellite NUtroot.]


what about recruiting bloggers?


[KOmmie KOs would have a chance if San Francisco were a state.]


I sure hope we are agressively pursuing Mark Warner for Virginia. The guy is incredible when it comes to fiscal responsibility and would be a huge asset to us in Senate.

[Great chocolate fountains!]


George Clooney--Kentucky. There's definitely a base of people who would like to see him become the Senate's most eligible bachelor.


[The "eligible bachelor" from the cover of Gentleman's Quarterly. Hmmm...]


Hey Chuck.... I hear Alberto Gonzalez fired those USA's so that you could use the subsequent investigation to put more Democrats in the Senate in 2008. Is that true? Cause I keep hearing that.

[Hey Chuck. I hear we can count on you to politicize that investigation in order to help the Democrats in '08.]


Valerie Plame Wilson needs a new career. Not sure whether she resides in DC or Virginia at this point. But her testimony was pretty impressive, and her resume is extraordinary.

[Make her the covert Senator from DC.]


(You can now access the DUmmie FUnnies by merely typing DUmmieFUnnies.Com in your URL address box.)

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

DUmmies Underwhelmed By Obama On Larry King


Joe Biden proclaimed him to be articulate but apparently that ability left Barack Obama last night when he was fielding questions from Larry King. Since Larry is known for lobbing softballs at his guests, one can only imagine how poor Obama will perform when hit with real hardballs. Even the DUmmies were completely unimpressed by Obama on King since there were two DUmmieland threads on the subject of Obama's poor performance. The first DUmmie THREAD is titled, "Anyone see Obama on Larry King? Is it just me or was he awful?" The second DUmmie THREAD has the equally unimpressed title of "Obama on L.King. I was cooking in the other room. He did not sound great." Thanx, DUmmies, for arousing my curiousity. I was busy watching "24" while Obama failed to impress you on Larry King so now I shall have to hunt down an online video of that disaster for my own entertainment. So let us now watch the DUmmies dismiss Obama's performance in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, wondering if Obama's weakness is that he needs to constantly consult a script, is in the [brackets]:


Anyone see Obama on Larry King? Is it just me or was he awful?


[From the other DUmmie comments I read, it wasn't just you. He WAS awful.]


I could only stand a few minutes of his uh-uh-uh-stutter-stutter-uh-uh-you-know-uh-uh before giving up on it. Did I not give it enough of a chance? Or did he sound completely unprepared throughout?


[Uh-uh-uh-uh. I think you're right.]


I've noticed he's pretty unimpressive without a prepared speech.....


[WARNING: Do not separate Obama from his script.]


I'm watching the repeat and I'm not impressed. In fact I'm very surprised. I thought he was such a great speaker and I'm very disappointed.


[Now I know the Democrats are in terrible shape for '08. All their prospective candidates sound like sure losers against the likes of either Romney or Thompson.]


Answering questions is totally different from reading from a prepared speech.. BHO admits copying the style of his favorite local preacher. He comes across differently when answering questions. Not quite as sure of himself.
I fell asleep out of boredom.


[Wow! So he is not even being himself on the stage. Instead he does an impression of his preacher. When Obama has to be himself, he turns out to be a BORE.]


I Like Him not preparing. He is showing he is like one of us.

[Obama is just as BORING as you are. WHOOOPEEE!!!]


He needs 4 more years of practice.


[Yes, at least 4 more years before he can perfect being a fake.]


He just has a bad habit of using uh's and ah's while speaking. He needs to work on getting rid of them.


[I think we can cross Hillary off his speech coach list since she has the same problem with the addition of a lot of "you knows."]


King just got over here, not just awful. He was God awful.

[Super Duper AWFUL.]


He really needs to see a speech coach and learn a diversion tactic so that he doesn't blow it with that little problem.. think how easy it would be for someone to just cut everything he says out except for the Uh's and Ahs, and destroy the guy with a "Dean Moment"..


[YEEEEEEEEEAGGGHHHHHH-UH-UH!!!]


He's not great with interviews...a little more experience is needed, perhaps.


[Great time to discover this weakness. Right in the middle of his campaign.]


I have seen him on tv giving interviews in the past and he is just ok.


[Now there is a non-ringing endorsement!]


i uh.. cannot stand uh... all the uh.... uhs uh... he has in uh... his speeches uh... i had noticed this a while ago. i would have thought long ago that would have been taken out of his speaking. but it is really bad.

[Uh-uh. It won't be happening.]


He's been a bit off lately. His speech at the firefighters meeting was lacking he may be getting burned out.


[Bad timing since he has over a year and a half left of heavy duty campaigning. And now to go on to the other DUmmie THREAD...]


Obama on L.King. I was cooking in the other room. He did not sound great.


[And he wasn't looking so hot either.]


he is very attractive. He communicates a lot with his face. What he says seems fine.

[So Obama's face language counteracts what he is actually saying?]


I listened many times to Obama... When he does his speeches he is excellent. They are written, probably by him, and he knows his lines. However, when he speaks off the cuff, from questions, he has pauses and ah's constantly. He gets his points across, but he needs to work on his delivery. Its like he has to think about what to say, with all the pauses. He needs to work on that!

[Great time to work on that. Right in the middle of a presidential nomination campaign.]


EDWARDS 2008


[So you gave up on Barack already?]


* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Have you ever been at the beach and seen a really hot looking chick? Most likely all you will end up doing is just stare at her, drooling like an idiot. If you try to talk to her you will probably embarrass yourself with your clumsy pickup lines. Well, GOOD NEWS! I now have a product guaranteed to make it EASY to pick up lots of hot looking women at the beach. It is a product I have been using myself and fully endorse: the amazing HELICOPTER KITE. This helicopter kite flies like a helicopter. You can make it go hundreds of feet into the air or hover it just a couple of feet off the ground. The propellor rotation is done entirely by windpower. So how does this help you pick up chicks? Simple. Just hover this helicopter kite a few feet off the ground near the hot beach chick of your choice. In most cases they will be overcome with curiosity and come over to YOU to ask about it. I've run a little experiment on this and it works on about 75% of the women (catch and release in my case since I'm married). My advice is to keep the conversation initially focused on the helicopter kite until you can later make a sneaky segue into asking her out for dinner. From that point on, you're on your own. Please check out the VIDEO of the INCREDIBLE helicopter kite. Not only was the helicopter kite aerodynamically designed but it is also MADE IN THE USA! So feel good about purchasing an AMERICAN MADE toy which makes the perfect method for vastly enhancing your social life. The helicopter kites have a LIFETIME warranty so all defective or broken parts will be replaced. Your purchase of the helicopter kite will not only provide you with lots of hot dates but it will also help keep the DUmmie FUnnies going. So take a look at the VIDEO and be AMAZED! Remember, those hot beach chicks are waiting!

p.s. Check out what one of our happy customers had to SAY about the amazing helicopter kite.

Monday, March 19, 2007

New Yorker Editor David Remnick Practices St. Al The Gore Idolatry



I once saw a really interesting documentary on the tube about Joe Stalin. What I found most fascinating about this documentary was the part about a young woman factory worker who would stand up in the audience at a lot of Stalin's speeches in the 1930s and, with face glowing in absolute worshipful ecstasy, shout out all sorts of over the top praises for the Soviet dictator. The documentarians tracked down this same woman a few years ago and I figured she would claim that she was forced to shout outlandish praise of Stalin or be sent to the Gulag. I was wrong. This woman was a True Believer. She was so clueless that she wasn't faking it and continued to believe in the greatness of her wonderful Comrade Stalin. Okay, so this blind hero worship must be some sort of specific Soviet thing? Nope. Right here in the USA, a supposedly sophisticated editor of the even more sophisticated New Yorker magazine, is hailing Al Gore in worshipful tones worthy of that woman factory worker. I can almost picture the look of absolute ecstasy on Remnick's face as he wrote out his March 5 New Yorker PAEAN to Al Gore. Just as the Stalin of the woman factory worker is completely unrecognizable compared to the cruel dictator of reality, the "wise" Al Gore of Remnick's imagination bears no relation to the reality of the Moonbat barkings of the real Al Gore. So let us now watch David Remnick glow in ecstatic Bolshevik Red over his beloved Al Gore while the commentary of your humble correspondent, already feeling tooth decay setting in from reading the saccharine Gore praises by the New Yorker editor, is in the [brackets]:


You Know Me, Al


[I'm the guy with the kneepads about to implant my lips upon your ample posterior.]


“Saturday Night Live” is erratic in middle age but rarely cruel. An exception came late last spring, when, at the stroke of eleven-thirty, an NBC announcer gravely told the American people to stand by for a “message from the President of the United States,” and Al Gore, surrounded by Oval Office knickknacks, came into focus to deliver what could best be described as an interim report from a parallel, and happier, galaxy. President Gore reviewed some of his actions and their unintended consequences:



[More like an alternate and weirder universe in which their Al Gore bears no resemblance to the angry ranter in the real world.]


In the last six years we have been able to stop global warming. No one could have predicted the negative results of this. Glaciers that once were melting are now on the attack. As you know, these renegade glaciers have already captured parts of upper Michigan and northern Maine. But I assure you: we will not let the glaciers win.


[Judging from the recent weather reports, we don't have to travel to a parallel galaxy to experience global cooling. And we didn't even have to sign the Kyoto Accord to get our current cold snap!]


Nor was this the only problem. Although Social Security had been repaired, the cost had been high: the budget surplus was “down to a perilously low eleven trillion dollars.” The price of gas had dropped to nineteen cents a gallon, and the oil companies were hurting. (“I know that I am partly to blame by insisting that cars run on trash.”) After winning the plaudits of a grateful world—and turning Afghanistan into a premier “spring-break destination”—Americans could no longer risk travelling abroad, for fear of “getting hugged.” Even the national pastime was in danger. “But,” Gore added hopefully, “I have faith in baseball commissioner George W. Bush when he says, ‘We will find the steroid users if we have to tap every phone in America!’"


[Posted from the parallel universe in which so many of the Left's fantasies now seem to dwell.]


The cruelty here was not to Gore, who probably requires no prompting to brood now and then about what might have been, but to the audience. It is worse than painful to reflect on how much better off the United States and the world would be today if the outcome of the 2000 election had been permitted to correspond with the wishes of the electorate. The attacks of September 11, 2001, would likely not have been avoided, though there is ample evidence, in the 9/11 Commission report and elsewhere, that Gore and his circle were far more alert to the threat of Islamist terrorism than Bush and his. But can anyone seriously doubt that a Gore Administration would have meant, well, an alternate universe, in which, say, American troops were sent on a necessary mission in Afghanistan but not on a mistaken and misbegotten one in Iraq; the fate of the earth, not the fate of oil-company executives, was the priority of the Environmental Protection Agency; civil liberties and diplomacy were subjects of attention rather than of derision; torture found no place or rationale?


[In the alternate universe, President Al Gore would still be debating with himself on whether to impose economic sanctions on the Taliban in Afghanistan.]


In increasing numbers, poll results imply, Americans are disheartened by the real and existing Presidency, and no small number also feel regret that Gore—the winner in 2000 of the popular vote by more than half a million ballots, the almost certain winner of any reasonable or consistent count in the state of Florida—ended up the target of what it is not an exaggeration to call a judicial coup d’état. Justice Antonin Scalia routinely instructs those who question his vote in Bush v. Gore to stop their ceaseless whinging. “It’s water over the deck,” he told an audience at Iona College last month. “Get over it.” But it is neither possible nor wise to “get over it.” The historical damage is too profound.


[The REAL winner of all accurate counts, including by a newspaper consortium, all point at George W. Bush but don't let inconvenient facts stand in your way, Remnick, you're on a roll here with your Al Gore idolatry.]


And yet, despite the burden of injury and injustice, Gore, more than any other major Democratic Party figure, including the many candidates assembled for next year’s Presidential nomination, has demonstrated in opposition precisely the quality of judgment that Bush has lacked in office. Gore’s critiques of the Administration’s rush to war in Iraq and of the deceptions used to justify it were early, brave, and correct. On the issue of climate change, of course, he has exercised visionary leadership. With humor and intelligence, and negligible self-pity, he dispensed with the temptations of political martyrdom and became a global Jeremiah. Beginning in the nineteen-eighties, he waged what was at first a fairly lonely campaign to draw attention to the problem; now, as a popularizing propagandist, he has succeeded in registering it as a crisis with nearly everyone, from field-tripping schoolchildren to reality-dubious members of the Administration. With his documentary film, “An Inconvenient Truth,” Gore made the undeniability of the crisis a matter of consensus; thanks largely to him, an environmental issue will be an electoral issue. His secular evangelism has earned him an honored night at the Academy Awards and—almost as glittering—a nomination for the Nobel Peace Prize.


[COMRADE STALIN! Your visionary leadership is an inspiration to all the peoples of the glorious Soviet Union! We thank you for your scientific socialism whose truths cannot be denied. All glory to Comrade Stalin! HURRAH!!!]


For the moment, Gore has absented himself from the 2008 Presidential race with a deliberately provisional explanation: He has no plans to be a candidate. He doesn’t expect to be a candidate. (Or, as he satirized his language for Jay Leno when talking about his future in the movies, “I just want to clarify: I have no plans to do a nude scene. I have no intention to do a nude scene. I don’t expect to do a nude scene. But I haven’t made a Shermanesque statement about it.”)


[You don't expect to do a nude scene Al? Well, at least we know you have a certain quality of mercy in you.]


Gore’s reluctance is understandable. The balloting in Iowa and New Hampshire is nearly a year away. He is in no rush. He may have shared Bill Clinton’s love of policymaking but not his relish for full-immersion politicking. In the view of former aides still close to him, Gore can’t lose by staying on the electoral sidelines. While Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama start competing––warily at first, and then, inevitably, taking direct aim at one another’s weaknesses––Gore can stand unbruised, nursing the lingering glamour of his popular margin in 2000 and, perhaps, demanding by quiet inference that we take stock of a distinguished public career that began three decades ago, when Gore was a twenty-eight-year-old Vietnam veteran freshly elected to Congress.


[Thanx, David, for facing up to the Inconvenient Truth that Al's Global Warming shtick is nothing more than a campaign gimmick.]


If only to take an honest man’s word for it, Gore’s entry into the race is unlikely. Clinton, Obama, Bill Richardson, John Edwards, Joseph Biden, Christopher Dodd—the field already provides a pool of talent and a range of possibilities infinitely more encouraging than the status quo. Moreover, the nomination and election of any one of the first three would take America a long way toward keeping the unfulfilled promise of “We the people”—not least because the appeal of all three is based only incidentally upon gender, race, or ethnic heritage.

[And if any of those three are nominated, you can be sure that Remnick will join the Liberal herd in crying either racism or sexism if you dare to oppose them for ideological reasons.]


If the next few months produce an obvious and relatively intact nominee, fine. Gore can stay active in his new role, and perhaps carry that role further, as a kind of climate czar in a Democratic Administration. But, as someone once said, stuff happens. The campaign may get nasty quickly. Clinton’s Iraq position may prove untenable in any of its iterations. Obama’s youthful charisma may look like inexperience after prolonged exposure to electoral gamesmanship. David Geffen might grow claws. A year is a very long time in politics, especially in the circular shooting contests that the Democrats so often convene.


[And we can be sure that in that year, Remnick will continue to give us more glowing Gore walking on water reports.]


There will still be Gore, patient and untrammelled. In any case, he will not have embarrassed himself. Post-lock-box, he has developed a keener sense of that. When the writers at “Saturday Night Live” suggested that he take part in a sketch featuring some scatological themes, Gore demurred with a combination of ironic self-preservation and his customary good judgment. “I’m sure this is funny,” he said, “but at the end of this I want to have some bread crumbs left leading back to my dignity.”


[Naw! Gore already ate those bread crumbs. Oh, and to finish this blog off properly: COMRADE STALIN! We hail your patient and untrammeled attitude! HURRAH! STALIN! HURRAH!!!]


* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Have you ever been at the beach and seen a really hot looking chick? Most likely all you will end up doing is just stare at her, drooling like an idiot. If you try to talk to her you will probably embarrass yourself with your clumsy pickup lines. Well, GOOD NEWS! I now have a product guaranteed to make it EASY to pick up lots of hot looking women at the beach. It is a product I have been using myself and fully endorse: the amazing HELICOPTER KITE. This helicopter kite flies like a helicopter. You can make it go hundreds of feet into the air or hover it just a couple of feet off the ground. The propellor rotation is done entirely by windpower. So how does this help you pick up chicks? Simple. Just hover this helicopter kite a few feet off the ground near the hot beach chick of your choice. In most cases they will be overcome with curiosity and come over to YOU to ask about it. I've run a little experiment on this and it works on about 75% of the women (catch and release in my case since I'm married). My advice is to keep the conversation initially focused on the helicopter kite until you can later make a sneaky segue into asking her out for dinner. From that point on, you're on your own. Please check out the VIDEO of the INCREDIBLE helicopter kite. Not only was the helicopter kite aerodynamically designed but it is also MADE IN THE USA! So feel good about purchasing an AMERICAN MADE toy which makes the perfect method for vastly enhancing your social life. The helicopter kites have a LIFETIME warranty so all defective or broken parts will be replaced. Your purchase of the helicopter kite will not only provide you with lots of hot dates but it will also help keep the DUmmie FUnnies going. So take a look at the VIDEO and be AMAZED! Remember, those hot beach chicks are waiting!

p.s. Check out what one of our happy customers had to SAY about the amazing helicopter kite.