Chuck Schumer Pretends To Seek Electoral Advice From KOs KOmmies
In what could be referred to as "Operation Stroke The NUtroots," Senator Chuck the Shmuck Schumer is pretending to look to the Daily KOs KOmmies for campaign advice on picking senatorial candidates for 2008. Of course, Chuck has absolutely no intention of paying the least amount of attention to the NUtroots but he realizes it makes them feel good for them to think he needs their help. Chuck's basic goal here is to keep the NUtroots in check so they don't go "off reservation" and hurt the Democrats with their well known lunacy. You can see this silly Chuckie act in this KOmmie THREAD he authored titled, "2008 Senate Recruiting." So let us now watch Chuckie go through the phony motions of asking the KOmmies for their dopey advice which he WON'T be taking in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, noting that Chuck always looks very excited while handling a gun, is in the [brackets]:
2008 Senate Recruiting
[Please give me your input which I won't pay the least bit of attention to.]
In my last diary here on Daily Kos I promised to come back and discuss something that I believe the netroots can play an important part in - recruiting for the 2008 Senate races.
[In my last diary here on KOmmieland I promised to come back with my Operation Stroke the NUtroots.]
Last cycle, I saw firsthand the transformational role bloggers are playing in our Party. Jim Webb and Jon Tester, candidates who were supported early by the blogosphere, are just two of the most prominent examples of the role the netroots can play in helping Democrats win more Senate seats. But the truth is the netroots helped us take back the Senate in thousands of smaller, less visible ways. Whether it was exposing Rick Santorum's extremism years before Election Day or joining grassroots organizations or making an early contribution to help get a campaign off the ground, the netroots has proven to be a formidable force that can help us win.
[The NUtroots are very helpful to us in smearing Republicans in ways the regular Democrats can't get away with publicly.]
And now I'd like to ask for your help again.
[Which I won't pay the least bit of attention to.]
In 2008 there are 21 seats currently held by Republicans that we'll be fighting to take back. In a few of those states, Democrats have already declared their intentions to run, yet in the majority of those races we need to find and recruit quality Democrats that have what it takes to win.
[We'll provide the candidates; you provide the smears.]
Netroots support is a key metric the DSCC uses to determine the viability of any given candidate. And the importance of netroots support is often larger in the early stages of an election cycle. Now is the time when the netroots can help find candidates and build the energy they'll need to win.
[Pay no attention to what I just posted about helping to find candidates. We only want you around to provide the "unofficial" smears.]
That's where you come in. I'd like to begin the discussion on who you think would make a good Democratic candidate for Senate in 2008. This will be the first of many discussions throughout the cycle. We need quality candidates in 21 states - from Oklahoma to Oregon, from Kentucky to New Hampshire - we're looking for Democrats that can win in 2008.
[We have a majority of only ONE (if you include a comatose member) in the Senate and you dopes actually think I'm going to rely on your NUtcase advice for maintaining a majority?]
So please make your suggestions and recommendations in the comments below. I've also asked my staff to create a section on our Web site that you can use to recommend Democratic candidates after today. Let's harness the power of the netroots to find the candidates that we need to expand our majority.
[Let's stroke the NUtroots to make them think they are important players in choosing Senatorial candidates. And now on to the NUtroots KOmmies themselves...]
Get someone who'll say what they mean, even if it upsets consultants. Even if it upsets people at places like this.
No more Joe Lieberman-style candidates.
[No more Maverick Democrats.]
Anyway you can do something with Lamont? He should be rewarded and positioned. He is one hell of a good guy; and if Bill Clinton and the rest of the wimpy Dems wouldn't have put cronism before democracy, he would be the Senator from CT instead whiny traitor Joe. Lieberman, what a waste!
[Make Lamont the shadow senator from CT.]
Maybe you should give Bill Moyers a call to see if he wants to run in Texas.
[Please take that advice Chuck. PLEASE!]
Also, we expect you and Harry Reid to stop up to the plate on Lieberman. He is NOT a Democrat and we expect you to support the Democratic candidate. Lieberman and this Republican Senate could have been avoided had you and the other stepped up and put your efforts behind Lamont. We hope you won't make that same mistake again. Lieberman is not a Dem and has not been for quite some time.
[Great advice. Excommunicate Lieberman and give the Senate majority to the Republicans.]
Get each of the Republicans running for re-election to explain how they would vote if George Bush were IMPEACHED for WAR CRIMES.
Would they ACQUIT George Bush for TORTURING INNOCENT PEOPLE TO DEATH?
How about outright BRIBERY from contractors, like the CONTINUING BRIBES paid to Dick Cheney by Halliburton? Would they acquit for that charge?
How about KNOWINGLY presenting FRAUDULENT "legislative intent" claims concocted by Senators Brownback, Kyl and Graham to the Supreme Court, in support of the president's declared power to commit war crimes, including SHOW TRIALS? Would they acquit him of that?
How about Bush's BRAZEN adoption of HITLER'S war doctrine, pre-emptive warfare, which is a CRIME AGAINST HUMANITY according to the Nuremberg Accords? Would they acquit him for that?
Senator Schumer, I HAVE NOT EXHAUSTED the litany of crimes with the above! The above is enough to sentence 33 top officials, including Bush and Cheney, to be EXECUTED.
[Senator Chuck: Meet your own NUtroots.]
quite apart from merely destroying a 500 year old tradition of democracy dating back to the Magna Carta, this Oiligarchy is hellbent on singlehandedly destroying our 200,000 year home on this planet rather than let renewable businesses prosper. When the ice goes we are all sunk.
[When the ice goes, we shall all be stuck drinking our rum drinks warm.]
After watching Gore's movie. I'm convinced it could come as soon as ten years from now, and probably no later than 50 years from now.
[Screeched the latter day Russellite NUtroot.]
what about recruiting bloggers?
[KOmmie KOs would have a chance if San Francisco were a state.]
I sure hope we are agressively pursuing Mark Warner for Virginia. The guy is incredible when it comes to fiscal responsibility and would be a huge asset to us in Senate.
[Great chocolate fountains!]
George Clooney--Kentucky. There's definitely a base of people who would like to see him become the Senate's most eligible bachelor.
[The "eligible bachelor" from the cover of Gentleman's Quarterly. Hmmm...]
Hey Chuck.... I hear Alberto Gonzalez fired those USA's so that you could use the subsequent investigation to put more Democrats in the Senate in 2008. Is that true? Cause I keep hearing that.
[Hey Chuck. I hear we can count on you to politicize that investigation in order to help the Democrats in '08.]
Valerie Plame Wilson needs a new career. Not sure whether she resides in DC or Virginia at this point. But her testimony was pretty impressive, and her resume is extraordinary.
[Make her the covert Senator from DC.]
(You can now access the DUmmie FUnnies by merely typing DUmmieFUnnies.Com in your URL address box.)