Herald Of The Republic 03-27-07

CITIZENS OF THE REPUBLIC!!! I bring you greetings from our Glorious Leader, Li'l Beaver! And now for the news of the day:

Democrats are shocked, SHOCKED that several U.S. Attorneys have been fired! Never before in the history of the Republic have U.S. Attorneys ever been fired as can be confirmed by the ex-president and Marc Rich pardoner with the twisted talleywhacker.

All fathers of Anna Nicole Smith's child are urged to gather at the local stadium! The overflow crowd can gather in the parking lot for a tailgate party.

Angelina Jolie ditches her newly purchased baby! After declaring her devotion to her new cash bought baby, the Hollywood Vampiress ditched the newbie along with her other baby purchases in order to do a screen test in Chicago! Stand by for another Jolie lecture on motherhood soon to ensue.

The son of TV producer Aaron Spelling, Randy Spelling, claims he was the one who deflowered the notorious Hollywood Whore, Paris Hilton, thus making him the first in the vast army that followed! On the heels of his Whore Hilton announcement, Randy is expected to declare that he is the father of Anna Nicole Smith's child.

Attention all Druids! There will be a bingo game following the Wednesday night oak worship service.