Herald Of The Republic 03-28-07

CITIZENS OF THE REPUBLIC!!! I bring you greetings from our Glorious Leader, Li'l Beaver! And now for the news of the day:

Penis At Risk! Penis At Risk! Brad Pitt's Penis is At Risk!!! The hostage half of the Brangelina couple is reportedly doomed to undergo nuptials Easter Weekend in Santo Domingo with the blood worshipping, flesh gouging Vampiress Angelina Jolie. An advisory alert has been sent warning Brad to back out NOW while he still has a chance. Once married, his talleywhacker will be permanently endgangered from the knife wielding Vampiress with a reputation for slicing body parts. Any citizen encountering Pitt is is urged to direct the actor to the nearest constabulary where he can place Mr. Wee Wee into the Penis Protection Program.

Traitorous Copperhead Democrats and Rino "Republican" Chuck the Shmuck Hagel have passed a surrender bill in the Senate! With a date set for surrender, the Senate has bent over, grabbed its ankles, and is ready to accept whatever cornholing the Islamofascist Mullahs desire to give them. Praise Allah and pass the vaseline!

John Kerry served in Vietnam! John Kerry served in Vietnam! In case you haven't yet heard---John Kerry served in Vietnam!

When purchasing cans of dolphin meat, all citizens are urged to check for the "Tuna Free" label!

And now we leave you with the idiotic liberal quote of the day. This quote comes care of moron economist, Lester Thurow, who in the middle of the Evil Empire collapse in 1989, infamously said: "Today the Soviet Union is a country whose economic achievements bear comparison with those of the United States."