Friday, December 31, 2010

Attack of the LOUSY FREEPER TROLLS!!! Part II: The DUmmies

Paranoia strikes deep
Into your board they will freep . . .

And so another year winds to a close. For the DUmmies, this has been an annus horribilis (which sounds like a benburch medical condition, but really means a "horrible year"). Earlier in the year, a bitter blow: no single-payer HCR, as they were hoping, but instead ObamaCare, a boon for the insurance companies. Then a Recovery Summer that was more like a Recessionary Bummer. In October, a couple of prog rallies in DC--flopperoonies! Tsunami Tuesday in November--Grayson, Feingold, OUT, Rethuglican House, IN! Obama Tax Cuts for the Evil Rich in December. Ugh. Where's my bong pipe?

And through it all, on DUmmie thread after DUmmie thread, the nagging suspicion that the progressives were not alone. There was always this feeling that, well, OTHERS were hanging around, disrupting, distracting, dividing. We call them . . . LOUSY FREEPER TROLLS!!!

Yes, the DUmmies can never be sure that the poster they're talking to is a true-blue fellow traveler or just a LOUSY FREEPER TROLL!!! I mean, so many of us teabaggers have secret identities over there, whether to stir things up or simply to maintain entrance privileges in the event of a lockdown. There are MANY of us freepers who have infiltrated, but the DUmmies don't know HOW many or WHO. So it always weighs on their collective mind (such as it is), just a little bit.

The DUmmies have picked up on the KOmmieland thread we DUFUed here yesterday, about paid trolls manipulating the media. And they have made it their own, in this
THREAD, using the same title as the KOmmies, "EXPOSED: Astroturfed Teabaggers PAID TO TROLL liberals online to enforce corporate propaganda." But the added bonus in this thread is that the DUmmies spend more time discussing the "undocumented lurkers" in their midst. And with good reason! Hee! Hee!

And so we journey from KOmmieland to DUmmieland for Part II of . . . Attack of the LOUSY FREEPER TROLLS!!! The paranoid postings are in Thread-Level Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, who does have a DU secret identity but is more concerned about his altar-ego than his alter-ego, is in the [brackets]:

Name removed. Deleted sub-thread. Sub-thread removed by moderator.

[First reply, right out of the box. The mods are nervous.]

Stumbled into the Yahoo cesspool recently. I couldn't believe the hate - hate - hate posted there. It terrified me to think I share the earth with people like that.

[I HATE them!]

Wow - RepubliCorp's paid SuckerPuppet TeaBaggers. Why do RepubliBaggers HATE integrity, honesty, decency, and honor?

[Simple. It's our job.]

Republiskanks looking for Corporate Johns to shill and thrill

[I found my thrill . . . by being a shill . . .]

It goes on right here, and it's easy to spot the bullsh*t talking point spouters.

[That'd be just about everybody, wouldn't it? Oh, wait! You're talking about the MOLES!]

Name removed. Deleted sub-thread. Sub-thread removed by moderator.

[Mods on High Alert. Whack-a-mole season.]

They are here as well.

[They are among us!]

They even disguise themselves as liberals. . . .

[My gray ponytail is just a hair extension, and my "nose piercing" is a clip-on.]

What is interesting is watching the number of people here who constantly scream about how horrible this president is, how he is SUCH a disappointment, who give him credit for absolutely nothing, and state over and over and over again how there are no differences between the Dems and Repubs pretend that it's OTHER posters that are the right wing trolls.

[Hmm, it sounds like you are CONCERNED about this. Clever way to plant these seeds of doubt, Mr. CONCERN TROLL!! Prepare for tombstoning!]

Thing is, the ones here really think they are fooling people.

[Like YOU, DUmmie "Bonhomme Richard," if that is your real name! Oh so clever, aren't you, thinking you can fool people by posting a comment about fooling people! We see through your ploy! And "1000+ posts," just to try this?? Prepare for tombstoning!]

This post is racist. Alert. Dupe. Alert. Encourages third parties. Alert. Broad brush attack on our troops. Alert. Continuation of a thread already locked. Alert. Personal attack. Alert. Threatens violent revolt against the government. Alert. Copyright violation. Alert. More appropriate in another forum. Alert. This should be addressed to the administrators, not posted in GD. Alert.

[The stress is getting to them! Mental health professionals are being air-lifted into DUmmieland as we speak!]

Too bad it would break the rules, cause I think we could probably name a few who get paid to troll here.

[Oh, go ahead! What the heck, name names!]

Bet the farm that they wont be posting in this thread. Of course they might, now that I said that.

[Gotcha thinkin', don't we? BWAHAHAHAHA!!]

Paid posters are here for message control and disruption of actual conversation. If the admins know a poster is paid, they should be banned.

[Better yet, keep 'em and tax 'em! "Revenue stream." Am I saying anything?]

I suspect a couple of folks troll for the Democratic Party, and I suspect they are paid. I put one of them on ignore. Every thread in which that poster posted was ruined by party-line propaganda.

[Imagine that: The Democrat Party having to use paid trolls on a DEMOCRAT message board!]

the far right sorts usually get spotted and yanked in twenty posts or less.

[You think so, huh? Twenty posts or less? HAHAHAHAHA!!]

Name removed. Deleted message. Message removed by moderator.

[NOW look what you made the mods do! And THAT was a real DUmmie!]

Man, I had no idea one of the posters you listed was a troll. Scary.

[So scary the LISTER was deleted!]

Name removed. Deleted message. Message removed by moderator.

[Mods in PANIC MODE now!!]

we need a viper pit where everyone can be their nasty little selves. . . .

[How about a William Pitt?]

and we need real moderation on the rest of the site. playing pattycake with nursery school rules is just asking to be overrun.

[DUmmieland is falling down, falling down, falling down. . . .]

DU has it's fair share of paid posters. Anyone who denies it is lying or an idiot.

[Hard to tell, what with all the regular liars and idiots in the joint.]

The co-founder and co-author of a book with Kos of Daily Kos was convicted of being a paid poster on a stock market site.

[Would that be Markos Mousetits's pal Unknown Jerome?]

It is a shame. We know who they are, yet just pointing out the obvious could get us banned. The admins accept or tolerate obvious paid posters, they should be open about it, and let the conversation be had about who is paying whom. I consider paid posters to be trolls, but clearly the admins do not. I just wish they would be more transparent about it and say something like, "Paid posters are not considered trolls. . . ."

[People who call out the admins are considered TOMBSTONED! Buh-bye!]

Name removed. Deleted message. Message removed by moderator.

[And so it goes.]

So why don't we do the same in return?

[Asked newbie DUmmie gejohnston.]

Because we're honest, we don't have tax-exempt 501cs funding us, and we can't agree on a goddamned thing. You're off to a winning start on your second post. Hmmm...

[Make that a flying STOP! G.E. brings good things to the graveyard!]

I tried that in freeperland and was banned after my first post. seems I wasn't too subtle.

[Leading off with, "I am a socialist, here to disrupt your threads," may not have been the best move.]

I think many of them aren't democrats at all and are just here to try to divide our focus and energy. . . .

[Ya think?]

Name removed. Deleted message. Message removed by moderator.


I call these the "not real people" at DU.

[I call DU the Not-Reality-Based Community™.]

such a hoot when they make that final post that wins them a pizza.

[Hootie and the Blownfish.]



There are loads of political and corporate shills here on DU.

[And some wannabe shills that nobody will hire, like Will the Shill.]

I guess the monsters are due on Democratic Underground.

[The monsters are DU!]

I'm sure there are plenty who do it for free. Drones who simply regurgitate everything Mr. Murdoch tells them and think they're standing up to the liberal elite.

[Second-degree Murdoch.]

That says a whole lot about conservative/fundamentalist ideology. . . . May they rot in hell for causing such suffering in this world.

[Unlike those of us with the Peace, Love, and Tolerance® ideology.]

Name removed. Deleted message. Message removed by moderator.

[Where have I seen this before?]

They get TRAINING? Wow, the "Flying Monkey Right" isn't just a saying. They really ARE Flying Monkeys.

[Oh-Ee-Oh! Ee-Oh-Ah! . . .]

anyone else noticing some regular posters conspicuously missing from this thread?

[Everyone not posting on this thread is a LOUSY FREEPER TROLL!!! Ban them all! Send their sorry @$$es into Never-Never Land!!]

I can believe that they are on the payroll but who is managing this massive program?

[Skinner. This thing goes right to the top.]

So, what can we DO about it?

[Turn in your fellow DUmmie. Report what you suspect. Trust no one. Live in fear. Snitch like mad. Check under your bed.]

Name removed. Deleted message. Message removed by moderator.

[Mission accomplished!]


[Locked and loaded--with laffs! Thanx, DUmmies, for yet another year of ENDLESS ENTERTAINMENT, from all of us here at DUmmie FUnnies!]

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Attack of the LOUSY FREEPER TROLLS!!! Part I: The KOmmies

Paranoia strikes deep
Into your board they will freep . . .

Unlike the DUmmies, the KOmmies aren't concerned so much about infiltrators on their message board as they are about supposed corporate manipulation of the media, done by paid right-wing trolls. That's the subject of this KOmmieland THREAD, "EXPOSED: Astroturfed Teabaggers PAID TO TROLL liberals online to enforce corporate propaganda."

Attack of the LOUSY FREEPER TROLLS!!! Today, Part I: The Kommies. Tomorrow, Part II: The DUmmies. Today's KOmmie Komments are in Bolshevik Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, promised $15 by Karl Rove to write this blog, is in the [brackets]:

EXPOSED: Astroturfed Teabaggers PAID TO TROLL liberals online to enforce corporate propaganda

[Where's my money? Why haven't I got paid yet! I must protest!]

There is a reason Markos Moulitsas is not allowed on MSNBC but Pat Buchanan is.

[MSNBC tried to get Markos on the phone but punched in Buchanan's number by mistake.]

The trainer, Austin James, was instructing Tea Party members on how to "manipulate the medium". This is what he told them: "Here’s what I do. I get on Amazon; I type in "Liberal Books". I go through and I say "one star, one star, one star". The flipside is you go to a conservative/ libertarian whatever, go to their products and give them five stars. ... This is where your kids get information: Rotten Tomatoes, Flixster. These are places where you can rate movies. So when you type in "Movies on Healthcare", I don’t want Michael Moore’s to come up, so I always give it bad ratings. I spend about 30 minutes a day, just click, click, click, click.

[That giant clicking sound you hear is Sicko Gone Clicko.]

Going back to my point above about Markos and that old lizard Pat Buchanan, there is a reason that Markos is no longer invited to the media circus. . . .

[He's an idiot? No, that would not explain how Olby, Madcow, et al. still have their shows. . . . Hey, wait a minute! That must mean Olby, Madcow, Sergeant Schultz, Lawrence OD . . . they're all in bed with the corporatists! Of course! Now it all makes sense!]

the hyperbole is all over the place here. If you bing or google this, MM is banned from MSNBC, if that's what it really is, because of a some petty ass pissing match he kept getting into with that Morning Joe Idiot.

[NO, NO! It's because Markos SPEAKS TRUTH TO POWER, that's why! LOUSY FREEPER TROLL!!!]

don't blame his banned thing over at MSNBC on some theory that MSBNC hates Liberals. They don't. . . . MSNBC is loaded with very very liberal hosts. Olbermann, Maddow, Schultz, O'Donnell. Very far to the left guest hosts and guests on continuously.


Those who foolishly believe in "online democracy" - using polls or comments as some measure of the actual truth - get what they deserve.

[And you, KOmmie catnip, will get what YOU deserve, which is a Kewpie Doll, for this Brief Moment of Mental Clarity®.]

I don't spend enough time here to know whom might or might be a troll, but I do know they are here.


In your first sentence, you have "Markos Mousalitsas" It is "Markos Moulitsas. . . ."

It is easier to just spell it, Mousetits.

[Markos Mousetits. I like it.]

Well, the whole problem with shillery is that it makes people's heads spin. Are they real? Is the site real? Am I real? Oh, wait, how do I know the "real universe" I'm in is real? And, wait, why is it again that I think I'm real?


why is this site as a whole -- including someone like Markos who clearly owns what is trying to be a profitable corporation -- suddenly anti the whole idea of corporations?

[Markos Mousetits is a LOUSY CORPORATIST TROLL!!!]

MARKOS.... made the mistake of accusing Joe S of murder on Twitter.

[Joe put a Twit out on someone?]

the infighting MUST stop. Everytime we have a pie fight Karl Rove eats another angel's wings.

[Just the left wings.]

A bunch of dummies gather on some rightwing lunatic blog or meeting. They travel over here as a bunch of dummies and when they get here, they are still a bunch of dummies.

[Speaking of a bunch of DUmmies, that'll be Part II, in our NEXT edition of the DUmmie FUnnies!]

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

"No Labels" brings Left and Right together: We all hate it!

So there's this thing called "No Labels," an astroturf "movement" that has as its theme, "Not Left. Not Right. Forward." They just had their No Labels Founders Meeting a couple weeks ago, and get a load of some of the people involved: Michael Bloomberg, David Brooks, David Gergen, Joe Lieberman, Evan Bayh, Charlie Crist, Michael Castle. . . . What a collection of warmed-over milquetoast! Moderate liberals from both parties, united against what they call "hyper-partisanship." (BTW, this "No Labels" thing may be just a front for a Bloomberg presidential run.)

These folks have even got a
"No Labels Anthem," written and performed by some rap guy named Akon. And of course this is just crying out for a parody, and since yours truly, Charles Henrickson, is the wag tailoring the doggerel, here goes. Click the music link and sing along!

Tune: "No Labels"

We may not understand this whole "government" and how it grows
I'm just a namby-pamby man tryin' to be nice and not know
See a man who's a Blue Dog
See a man who's a RINO
So how about we muddle in the middle and do it dumb
Hold our hands, singin' Kumbaya
All we ask from you is uncertainty
And moderation, give up all that you believe
I'm only one man with No Balls, a eunuch who's gotten neutered
Need a Moderate, then look at me

Sorta Moderate, sorta Liberal
Not a spine in your back, invertebral
Put your core beliefs aside, don't take a stand
'Cause we need more mushy people who are bland
I wish we all could be Mod-Lib'rals
We'd get along as Mod-Lib'rals

Jello to hold on to, lukewarm, you'll throw up too
Wouldn't you like to see us say that we're for good hospitals and good schools
Don't wind up in those juvenile hostilities
Or fighting over constitutionalities
But all this time you go beyond intentions
And you decided to ask how we'll do it, are you kiddin' me
'Cause all we ask from you is uncertainty
And moderation, give up all that you believe
I'm only one man with No Balls, a eunuch who's gotten neutered
Need a Moderate, then look at me

Sorta Moderate, sorta Liberal
Not a spine in your back, invertebral
Put your core beliefs aside, don't take a stand
'Cause we need more mushy people who are bland
I wish we all could be Mod-Lib'rals
We'd get along as Mod-Lib'rals . . .

Now I can see that this "No Labels" movement has already succeeded in bringing the Left and the Right together: We all hate it! DUmmieland, KOmmieland, and HUffieland on the Left, FReeperville on the Right--all have had threads mocking the Mod Libs! For today we'll just pick one, this KOmmieland
THREAD, "The No Labels Party: No Soul Just Pure Elitism." Bolshevik Red, [brackets], you know the drill:

The No Labels Party: No Soul Just Pure Elitism

[Yes, but it's MODERATE elitism.]

Just what we need; another multibillionaire running for president with no particular agenda but self glorification.

[The Bloomberg Boomlet.]

the most boring political movement of all time.


I wont need the Chamomile tea to help me to sleep tonight, thanks No Labels!

[The Chamomile Tea Party.]

I'll tell you what; you bring the campfire music since I already have the bipartisan marshmallows roasting.

[Maybe we should chug on over to Kamp Kumbaya and sit around the campfire and get our marshmallows slightly warm.]

elevator music

[Barry Manilow for the Soul.]

What seething mass of bipartisan mushiness are these astroturfers going to coopt?

[Gergen's Baby Food: No teeth needed.]

About No Labels logo: "Not Left. Not Right. Forward." . . .

[Not Left. Not Right. Stupid.}

No Label Tee Shirts?

[No Left Arm. No Right Arm. One Forward Arm.]

"We Stand For...Not Standing For Things!"

[Would a No Labels member who actually takes a stand on something be a NoLINO?]

bipartisanship = castration?

[The No Balls movement.]

Monday, December 27, 2010

Michael Moore quotes Proud Plagiarist Pitt!

Yesterday we looked at Pied Pied Pitt's, "All I Want for Christmas." But Pitt has BIG NEWS to report in regard to this latest essay of his! None other than MICHAEL MOORE himself has QUOTED from Pitt's article!! THE Michael Moore!!! OMG!!!! Can you BELIEVE it! But here it is, as Pitt reports in this THREAD, "Michael Moore quoted my Christmas article in his Christmas message." Our Boy Pitt must be walking on air! Sicko quotes Socko! Wee Willie has ARRIVED!!!

Only . . . there's one little problem. You see, the part where Michael Moore is quoting Pitt, well--how can I say this?--it turns out that Pitt there was, um, quoting from somebody else, another writer person, sorta, except without crediting--I mean, actually crediting--that other writer. A little bit. You know, that "plagiarism" thing. Except it wasn't really "plagiarism-plagiarism," you know, because, I mean, Pitt was doing it, and he's a progressive, and that must make it all right. I mean, if a RETHUGLICAN had done it, why, that would be different, of course. But this is PITT we're talking about, so. . . .

Well, anyway, the Pitt has hit the fan. Somebody went and noticed that Pitt lifted some lines from the late Douglas Adams, author of "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy." And so now, by "electricity," Pitt has made the great MICHAEL MOORE also guilty of plagiarism! Mikey has got the Willies, a Textually Transmitted Disease!

Oh, Will, when will you ever learn? But that's what makes you the continuing source of laughter you are! Wee Willie and the DUmmies are in Red-faced Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, waiting eagerly for franksolich to tell us who won the "Willie" and all the other DUmmie of the Year awards, is in the [brackets]:

Michael Moore quoted my Christmas article in his Christmas message.

[WHOA! THE Michael Moore?? Fahrenweight 451? Thicko? THAT Michael Moore? You're KIDDING me, Will!]

And yes, I'm freaking out.

[Unbe-freakin'-lieveable!!! You've DONE it, Will! You have ARRIVED! Quoted by THE Michael Moore!!]

A Merry Christmas to All
By Michael Moore
Hey Everyone,
I just wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas (or a Merry Everything) and hope you are all well today.
Here's a good thought from the writer William Rivers Pitt:
"Before Santa and presents and shopping and all the attendant Christmas (stuff) got involved, this holiday was enshrined to commemorate a guy who got nailed to a tree for daring to tell people to be kind to one another. If you have two cloaks, He said, give one away. Remember those who have less than you, be charitable, be good, be merciful."
Hear, hear.

[HERO, HERO! You're our HERO, William Rivers Pitt! Quoted by Michael Moore! And that wonderful, original thought of yours that he chooses to quote! "this holiday was enshrined to commemorate a guy who got nailed to a tree for daring to tell people to be kind to one another." Why, that is so POIGNANT, Will Pitt! And it is so YOU!! NO ONE ELSE could have ever come up with such a deep, profound sentence!]

Freaking. Out.

[Michael. Freaking. Moore. I. Am. So. Impressed.]

Good job, Will!

[Beth Ferrari, first out of the chute to congratulate Our Boy Will!]

VERY well done!

[CaliforniaPeggy joins in congratulating her dear Will.]

you famous guy, I knew ye when ye wasn't nothin'. Well actually I didn't but that's fun to say.

[The hangers-on start to arrive, sensing a celebrity in their midst and hoping that William will remember the little people when he's rubbing elbows with Michael Moore and Algore and Hef and Carrot Top at some swank soiree.]

Will Pitt's voice has always led the way!

[He's the Pied Piper, fo' sho'!]

When I hear it, I always prepare to raise a glass or raise a fist!

[Pitt's voice is so gravelly from the cigarettes, when I hear it, I want to raise a grapefruit and shove it in his mouth.]


[wootie-tootie, pitt-patootie!]

Well, that was a fine fanatabulous quote Michael used. He's a smart guy to do that. Y'know?

[Yes, and that quote was SO WILL, you know what I mean?]

Mister Douglass Adams Would like to have a word with you for plagiarizing his word, if he wasn't dead. For shame, Mister Pitt. For shame.

[Wha, WHA-AA??? Are you saying that Mr. Pitt LIFTED those lines from another writer? A dead other writer? Why, why, that would be . . . P-p-pla . . . Well, you know, the "P" word!]

The Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy. exactly!

[Pitt's new book will be called "The Hack Writer's Guide to Prolixity."]

The Adams quote IS similar... but google A guy nailed to a tree, guy got nailed to a tree, and a few others and look at the number of hits...enough variety there that I give Will the benefit of the doubt and congratulate you for thrilling their little hearts over at the conservative cave (I refuse to publish links for sites like that) where they are quoting you and bashing Will...

[I find the most ironic part of this whole thing is that Pitt plagiarizes a quote from Douglas Adams, a self-described RADICAL ATHEIST, who didn't believe in Christ and who reduces Christ to some sort of a socialist martyr, in a piece about Christmas!! . . . Well, now Pitt responds to the person who exposed his plagiarism . . .]

Good eye. "Good writers borrow from other writers. Great writers steal from them outright." - Sam Seborn. I ain't great, but I definitely nabbed the line.

[Pitt ADMITS the plagiarism--and then casually DISMISSES it!]

How do you feel about the game tomorrow? The Bills always make me nervous.

[Pitt quickly changes the subject to football.]

Congrats Mr Pitt! Taking a sip from the river of intelligent thought is never the same place twice. Or something like that.

[William Rivers-sipping Pitt.]

We bask in the reflected glow or your countenance.

[It's blinding!]

You are the most famous DUer that we know of.

[The Legend of Will grows.]

Thank you, everyone.

[No, thank YOU, Mr. Pitt! THANK you!]

We'll call you Mr. Quotable from here on out.

[How about Mr. Plagiarist?]

You're more famous than you can imagine, dude.


Practically every liberal friend I have knows your name.

[Liberal friend: "Pitt? Isn't he the guy who blew the Rove indictment scoop? Yeah, I've heard of him! What a maroon!"]

Possibly the best thing you've ever written, Will.

[Possibly because you didn't write it.]

I STILL YOU NEED TO TEACH CREATIVE WRITING FOR COLLEGE 101...... money for you and your family Teaching HELPS THE TEACHER.... believe me. Not that 'creative' means falsehoods ..... but what a writer does and how they develop it into cognitive , intelligent opinion, statement or argument. Believe it or not.... I'm recognized internationally. I really don't think seeking accolades is necessary with me, sense you called me meaningless and not worth anyone's discussion. Careful with words.... they have given me more power than any Bar Job, Wrestling, Boxing or physical abuse The Wing Chun of Bruce Lee, goes deeper than you realize at your age.

[DUmmie Ichingcarpenter has been hitting the schnapps again.]

you are a better writer than Michael is

[Damning with faint prose.]

How are you as a public speaker, btw?

[Like sandpaper through the hourglass, so is the glaze of our eyes.]

Sunday, December 26, 2010

One Piper Piping: Pitt's "All I Want for Christmas"

That nimble Christmas elf, Wee Willie Pitt, is holding court at Bukowski's, telling everyone within earshot his holiday wishes, here in this THREAD, "All I Want for Christmas."

The Pied Piper's pipings are in Red-nosed Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, wondering how Will's attempt at stopping smoking is going, is in the [brackets]:

All I Want for Christmas


By William Rivers Pitt

[One Piper piping . . .]

It's snowing in Boston, finally. . . . until yesterday, we here haven't had so much as a flake.

[Well, that's debatable.]

I've never been much of a summer person; heat and humidity tend to turn me into a useless gob of, well, uselessness.

[No, Pitt, you're a useless gob of uselessness all year round!]

Spring is nice, but around here it has made a generational habit of lasting 0.0000031 days before the heat hammer comes down.

[Spring also has this nasty way of reminding one of a certain Rove indictment scoop of May 12, 2006.]

Autumn is, of course, the World Heavyweight Champion of Seasonal Awesome, but . . .

[This November ruined it.]

Give me winter. Give me cold wind and snowstorms . . .


bare branches wrapped in white, pink noses and boots and big coats with lots of pockets.

["Bare branches wrapped in white, pink noses"?? Is this like a cocaine reference or something, Will?]

You can dress for the cold. You can't dress for the heat. At least, I can't. . . .

[Exhibit A:]

I could go around in high August wearing nothing more than a handkerchief and a prayer. . . .

[No, please, Will, don't!]

and I would still be dying a slow, sweaty death. Hat, sweater, coat, gloves, boots, a positive attitude and a love for not sweating through your clothes. . . .

[No Pitt stains for sweaty Will!]

When I lived downtown and my bar was only a few blocks away, the best nights I can remember. . . .

[As opposed to all those nights I couldn't remember ANYTHING. . . .]

always came during blizzards; the regulars would wrap up and slog through the drifts until we staggered into the warmth. . . .

[Pitt would stagger even in the summer.]

Kevin Spacey the actor came in one of those snowbound nights . . . and I got to lift a toast to Keyser Freakin' Soze. Beat that with a stick.

[I'm sure that was a highlight for Kevin Spacey, too, getting to meet you, the famous William Rivers Pitt. Maybe he can play you in the movie, "The Usually Sauced Pitt."]

And, yes, give me Christmas, with all the attendant mayhem, crowds, expense, travel, family bedlam and the ceaseless, intolerable, inescapable music.

["It's beginning to look a lot like Fitzmas . . ."]

When I was sixteen, I got a job at Filene's in order to raise money for Christmas presents; it was my second job at the time (my third, actually, if you count the golf course gig. . . .

[Pitt has to emphasize that he has actually HELD a paying job at times, so as not to be dismissed as a mere trust-fund baby.]

They put me in the Men's Underwear section. . . .

[Big mistake. Pitt much preferred to be in Women's Underwear.]

my station was right below a ceiling speaker that played insipid Christmas music on a 45-minute loop...for the entire ten hours of each of my shifts.

[Ten business hours, which are longer than ten regular hours.]

Even worse was The Sock.

[Even worse was The Temporary Sock Puppet.]

Press the button, and the sock would play "Jingle Bells" for five straight minutes, like this: "DEE DEE DEE, DEE DEE DEE, DEE DEE DEE DEE DEE," . . . two minutes later, another customer would come over, push the button - "DEE DEE DEE, DEE DEE DEE, DEE DEE DEE DEE DEE" - say "How cute!"


My wife works in a large retail store, and has to deal with Christmas music starting the day after Thanksgiving. If I hate it, she loathes it with the fire of a million supernovas. . . . No lie, she turns into a ravening werewolf. . . .

[Will's mother turned into a Raven.]

Before the weekend is out, I will have seen my mother, my wife's parents, my wife's brother and his new wife, my wife's whole extended family, and all of it with my wife at my side.

[I wonder if any of them are Rethuglicans. Oh, to be a fly on the wall!]

We will eat, we will drink, we will be merry. . . .

[Will has volunteered to take care of the drinking part.]

Before Santa and presents and shopping and all the attendant Christmas b*llsh*t got involved, this holiday was enshrined to commemorate a guy who got nailed to a tree for daring to tell people to be kind to one another.

[Well, there was a little more to it than that, Will.]

I'm not tremendously religious by any measurable standard . . .

[. . . but even so, I will now give you advice based on my lack of knowledge.]

but the guy who got nailed to that tree had some deeply valid points to make. . . .

[I don't know the guy's name, except as a curse word, and I don't really study the Bible or know much about it or even believe most of what it says, but still I'll pull something out of context and lecture you about it.]

that guy had some good things to say . . . those lessons are well worth remembering. . . .

[Just pick the parts you like, pull them out of context, make them say what you want them to say to support your political agenda, and ignore the rest--as I, William Rivers Pitt, Expert on Everything, will now demonstrate.]

especially in a year when the rest of us got royally screwed so rich people could get fat tax breaks they don't need.

[Even though those "rich people" are paying WAY MORE in taxes than anybody else to start with! And how does that royally screw you, Will Pitt, that they don't get royally screwed even more?]

If you have two cloaks, give one away. Someone might even call that "socialism."

[No, I would call it "voluntary charity." VOLUNTARY charity, which is a whole lot different than the government forcibly taking people's money away from them, against their will, in order to give it to others. Have you ever read that "Thou shalt not steal" thing, Willie?]

Take care. Enjoy the snow. Help someone if you can. Hold close to you who and what you love.

[Rotate your tires.]

Be fiercely present in these mad days. . . .

["Be fiercely present," blah blah blah. . . . If that isn't typical progressive mumbo-jumbo claptrap, I've never heard it.]

Remember what we can do, together, if we lean in to the task. This is all I want for Christmas: Lean in. Lean hard.

[Lean meat. . . . As usual, Pitt's essay has gone on and on, so we'll just hear from one reader . . .]

Ah, Will, how beautiful...These lines made me weep. . . .

[These lines made *me* weep:

All I Want for Christmas
By William Rivers Pitt]

Friday, December 24, 2010

"If Aliens Were to Land, What would You Do?"

I used to love to hand the Sci-Fi novel, "Venus On The Half Shell" by Kilgore Trout, off to people and act like it was a serious work. Then wait for their reactions as they read about space aliens who communicated by tap dancing and farting. A lot of them would take it completely seriously which really made me laugh. Anyway, the DUmmies have wandered into speculations about "If Aliens Were to Land. What would You Do?" as you can see in this THREAD. The results are equally hilarious. So let us now watch the DUmmies speculate about aliens landing on Terra in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, wondering if those aliens that the DUmmies spy in the sky aren't really Santa Claus and his reindeer, is in the [brackets]:

If Aliens Were to Land, What would You Do?

[Remove my Obama bumper sticker?]

Take up arms?

[Justice Breyer channeled James Madison and imagined that you DON'T have that right.]

Run and hide?

[In Ben Burch's rear cave?]

Get down on your knees and beg for mercy?

[Too late. Intergalactic forces have determined that all DUmmies in the universe MUST be wiped out.]

I welcome them to Earth then ask them to ZAP conservatives with their DEATH RAY!

[Until that time just have the FCC ZAP conservatives off the airwaves...and now from the internet.]

What if In their eyes, we are all too conservative?

[Invasion of the Bolshevik Aliens!!!]

If they turn out to be benevolent, I would ask them

1. what was up with all the cat and mouse over the years?

2. Do you have a "God"?

3. Why does everything exist? (maybe answered by #2)

[4. Is there life after birth?]

Make sure my ass is well-lubricated so their anal probes won't hurt so much.

[That MUST be Ben Burch.]

Apologize for the mess, and warn them about religious nuts who may feel compelled to attack, simply because they are so f*cking ignorant and faith based.

[And of course those religious nuts you are referring to are NOT Muslims who are really causing the problems.]

Wet my pants.

[Depends...on their intentions.]

Thank whatever deity deemed deserving for the chance that help to put down the PTB has arrived!

[Go for Goddess Gaia!]

They already did and I sang like a canary. Sold out the entire human race.

[LOL! You get credit for an INTENTIONALLY FUnnie line.]

... I would likely shit myself.

[But only AFTER wetting your pants. Proper etiquette must be observed.]

"Take me with you!"

[Sorry. Your spot on the spaceship has already been taken by Roy Neary.]

beg them to remove me from this shithole.

[No problem. They will gladly relocate you to North Korea.]

See what Michael Rennie had to say...then take it from there.

["Klatu DUmmie Nikto."]

Wonder how long it will take for their viruses to wipe us out.

[The reverse happened in "War of the Worlds."]

what if they turned out to be famous alien porn stars looking for some seriously strange?

[Then direct them to Ron "Hedgehog" Jeremy.]

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Solstice plus Eclipse bigger deal to Moonbats than the "C" word

Oh, what an exciting week this is! Because we're almost to (forgive the expression) Christmas, you say? Bah! Humbug! Don't say the "C" word! No, the big deal in DUmmieland this week is the Winter Solstice! PLUS a lunar eclipse on top of it! MUCH bigger deal than the birth of the Savior of the world!

This is further proof of my long-held thesis that the primary factor motivating the DUmmies is their burning HATRED of Christianity! So anything that is seen as an ALTERNATIVE to Christianity is widely hailed. Thus the celebration of the Winter Solstice, as a paean to paganism. Why, did you know that DUmmieland even has forums dedicated to an
Ancient Wisdom and Pagan Spirituality Group and an Astrology, Spirituality & Alternative Healing Group? And they think *Christianity* is goofy??

'Tis the season to be looney! We'll be sampling from many threads, too many to link to individually. The DUmmie Druid droppings are in Retro-Religion Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, who believes in keeping both the "Christ" and the "Mass" in "Christmas," is in the [brackets]:

Happy Solstice Everyone!

Solstice blessings!

[Heaven to DUmmie: Orbits cannot bless you. The One who set the planets in orbit can.]

The power of the 12/21 Lunar eclipse will be released on Xmas Day

[The power of Xmas Day is in the "X," which is the Greek "Ch," and that stands for "Chri"--whoops, almost said the unmentionable word!]

As the powerful Lunar Eclipse of 12/21 Solstice happens at 29 Gemini, it will launch its potential to be realized as the Sun moves forward and releases its energy on Christmas Day because the Sun will then be 1 degree (in trigger position) from transiting Pluto, at 4 and 5 Capricorn respectively.

[I think Pluto is about to align with Uranus.]

eek! I have an appointment on the 21st at a mental health clinic to be evaluated. . . I will take this as a good omen. . . .

[I'll evaluate you for no charge: If you think the position of Pluto means anything, you're NUTS!]

So, the eclipse's energies are to be released on probably the most stressful days of dysfunctional family gatherings... and I am scheduled to be at my MIL's who (she and her dh) are militant R's of the tea party persuasion. . . . My dh is on a short fuse as he is not feeling well, over-tired from working nights and is a Union Man. My 18 y/o son is proud to be a member of the National Socialist Party. I think I'm just going to drink a lot of alcohol, laugh insensibly at everything no matter how inappropriate, allow my MIL to insult me and call me a drunk like my father and pass out early.

[The healing power of Solstice Eclipse: Bringing families together since 1554.]

Did you know that the Winter solstice and lunar eclipse coincide for the first time in 456 yrs. . . ?

Great, I missed it last time.

[Hee! Hee! Good one!]

The monks of old China would fast for three days on plum wine taking a small drink every four hours with a large glass of water. . . . During the time of the solstice the monks would tap on refectory tables in the dining hall non-stop for 72 hours. . . . The fast and the tapping puts you in a mild trance and often you’ll see celestial visions. . . .

[I bet.]

You might consider tapping with your friends. . . . tap between three and four a.m. . . . the black fractal tubes that are sent out by people’s darkness are fairly dormant.

[OK, will do! I'm going to call all my friends and tell them to TAP at 3:00 a.m.! Tap for world peace! Let's overpower those black fractal tubes!]

Winter Solstice + Lunar Eclipse

[A Perfect Storm of Stupidity!]

I just wanted to wish all my Pagan friends here a blessed Solstice...

[And all you Christians? Well, you wouldn't be on DU anyways!]

Mother Earth, cradle us to your breast and sustain us. . . . Father Sky, watch over our safety and guide us to act honorably.

[Uncle Wind, blow on us and clear our driveways.]

So burn the log and watch the shadows on our longest night. . . .

[Cousin Log, DIE in the flames of Brother Fire!]

Solstice is the true Reason for the Season.

["For behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day a Season, which is Winter." Mmmm, kinda loses something. . . .]

I'm a Bi...both Pagan n Heathen.....

[The worst of both worlds!]

I generally don't use totems (unless you consider a fire a totem) or dance unless there's a really good drummer, but I do lie naked on the ground to gather the energies I perceive. . . .

[And to sleep off the drunk.]

Please, no spoilers about the solstice eclipse

[SPOILER ALERT: Sun setting early, turning mostly dark toward evening. The moon will go away for a while. Then it will come back. Sun will rise in the east in the morning.]

Solstice eclipse? Thanks a lot, you f***ing blabbermouth.

[Dang! You spoiled the big surprise!]

hooray night are gonna get shorter thank Gaia

[Gaia rest ye merry pagans. . .]

I believe in signs.

[Look for the sign that says "MENTAL HOSPITAL, STRAIGHT AHEAD."]

I believe this total lunar eclipse is a sign. To interpret the sign is for someone more intelligent than I.

[Which would be, well, just about anybody!]

Summer is on the way!

By a few seconds a day of extra light. Whoopie-f***ing-doo.

[The Grinch who stole Solstice.]

Gerbils also get the winter blues

[benburch checks in. . . .]

I've already had two major self-realizations since the eclipse. Amazing! They were both heavy.

[1) The moon came back again. 2) I'm still a DUmmie.]

Sunday, December 19, 2010

"Tibetan Prophecy Shared With Hopi people"

Remember the HOPI ELDERS? Well, they're baaaack and this time they are fortified with 1200 year old Tibetan Prophecy. I don't know about the Hopis but it wouldn't surprise me a bit if the ancient Tibetans had predicted a bizarre tribe called the Dopis who posted this laughable THREAD titled, "Att: DU Buddhists - Tibetan Prophecy Shared With Hopi people." So let us now watch the DUmmies be awed once again by Hopi and Change in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, donning his Billy Jack hat, is in the [brackets]:

Att: DU Buddhists - Tibetan Prophecy Shared With Hopi people

[Why no heads up to DU Lutherans?]

CHINO VALLEY, Ariz. – About 1,200 years ago a great Tibetan master called Guru Rinpoche made a prophecy. He wrote an inscription and hid it in the rocks. It was found just recently. The prophecy said, “Later, when the iron bird flies, then the red-robed ones will go to the red rocks and meet with the tradition there and unite again.”

[While sharing a case of cold Rolling Rock Red.]

Surrounded by prayer flags which send out blessings for all beings every time the wind blows, this prophecy was shared with Hopi Snake Priest and War Chief Radford Quamahongnewa at Garchen Buddhist Institute following a meeting with His Eminence Garchen Rinpoche, founder and spiritual director.

[Garchen Rinpoche, the great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great grandson of Guru Rinpoche. Also the great great great great grandnephew of Sid Rinpoche.]

Some say Hopi and Tibet are connected, and that if you stick a pin through a globe where Hopi is located, on the other side you will find Tibet.

[I tried that but instead of Tibet the pin hit a buffet in Bangladesh.]

I'm glad to see that the indigenous cultures and traditions are connecting and there seems to be more of that going on as the Elders hook-up and create a new web of understanding. There are jewels of balance and wisdom surfacing as we consider the true nature of our nervous systems and how we function. That's where the revolution and evolution is for me as we face a very challenging scenario of such great proportions for our entire species.

[Yes, let us take refuge in Aboriginal fantasy now that our real world liberal fantasies are falling apart.]

If I remember correctly the connection is one of similarity of language. There are related words and names in both languages.

[Yes, both Tibetan and Hopi babies have been heard to utter the word "urgh."]

I'm certain there are connections between words and language
here because every Indian tribe that came to Turtle Island came from Asia, Africa or even Europe and oftentimes by sea. Also Hopiland is in AZ right in the midde of the Navajo Rez.

[And DUmmieland is right in the middle of an insane asylum.]

I've read there are possible connections between Athabaskan languages and Chinese. Indicating a more direct link between these societies

[How do you say "Egg Fu Yung" in Athabaskan?]

There is no connection. The connection is with a Siberian language called Ket.

[And that is how the first people crossed from Siberia to America...via Ket Boarding.]

Friday, December 17, 2010

Know-it-all Nadin makes late run for DUmmie of Year! PLUS breaking news!

Our DUmmie Ant Farm is an amusing little world, endlessly entertaining. Part of the FUn is getting to know the personalities of our little friends. And just as you have in any community, you get different "types" in DUmmieland. For example, there is the "know-it-all" type, the person who makes every conversation, no matter the subject matter, about how much he or she knows.

We have an example of this type in DUmmie nadinbrzezinski. DUmmie nadinbrzezinski is not really an authority on anything. She's written a couple of sci-fi role-playing games, but I don't think she's any big deal even in that. She has a degree in History, though, which she frequently will remind you of. Plus, with her last name, Brzezinski (think Zbigniew), some of the DUmmies must think she knows something about international geopolitics. And so Know-it-all Nadin acts like she's an Expert on Everything and that everyone is dying to hear her take on whatever. So between her sci-fi gaming and her ponderous pontification, think of a female cross between Comic Book Guy and Pied Piper Pitt.

I first noticed Know-it-all Nadin pontificating last Friday, during the Obama-Clinton presser and its aftermath, in this
THREAD, "We are WATCHING history folks." And when I went back to the DUmp a few days, I see that she was gassing off again, in this THREAD, "Another trend I missed, but to be added." And now she's got this new THREAD, "We essentially have now a non functioning branch of government."

With these recent posts, Know-it-all Nadin must be making a late run for DUmmie of the Year. Sure, it's past the voting deadline now, but since when has that ever stopped a Democrat? So you other candidates--CaliforniaPeggy, madfloridian, bobbolink--you'd better get on the stick if you're going to outpace the fast-gaining nadinbrzezinski!

Know-it-all Nadin's trenchant observations are in Bolshevik Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, still leaning toward Bobo the Hobo for DUmmie of the Year, is in the [brackets]:

We are WATCHING history folks

[I, nadinbrzezinski, STUDIED history, and now I am here to tell you what you are watching, all you less-well-informed people looking for my guidance.]

What you have are several things going...
1.- The Constitutional Crisis in DC is now rank and open... some of us have spoken of it. . . .

[Especially ME, Know-it-all Nadin.]

2.- A former POTUS doing this... Foreign powers are watching... this is what happens also in Empires in Decline. Folks foreign powers will stand up and pay attention to this.

[I have written about Empires in Decline, by the way, in some of essays here, as you well know. And when I talk about "foreign powers," and my last name is Brzezinski--well, you would do well to stand up and take notice!]

3.- Bernie Sanders doing what he is doing...

[Bernie Sanders is the new swoon-boy DU jour at DUmmieland right now. Kucinich, Feingold, Grayson--forget it! Bernie Sanders is Justin Bieber to their Jonas Brothers.]

I have spoken of trends in the past... they just accelerated in massive ways, and we have reached a tipping point.

["Tipping point" is a term one uses when one is a certified trendologist like Know-it-all Nadin.]

We may not feel this, it may not be obvious, but to the power brokers in DC... today is a historic day. Mark your calendars, YOU ARE watching history.

[The Obama-Clinton Presser: The Day When Everything Finally Changed--and I, Know-it-all Nadin, Was Here to Tell You about It.]

Was it you (maybe among others) who said earlier today we're at the tipping point?

Yep, welcome to the crisis and it was me. I spoke of accelerating trends yesterday... well these just went into hyperdrive.

[Yep, I called it! Accelerating trends! Tipping point!]

Constitutional crisis? er, no. anyone who thinks this is a Constitutional Crisis, has no idea what that actually is. No, we haven't reached a tipping point. They'll pass the extension of the bush tax cuts. Life will go on. Yes, it's history but it not some historic day.

[You DARE challenge Know-it-all Nadin??]

Wow. Crazy talk. All that's missing is a grassy knoll.

[Another doubter!]

but the trends.... it's the trends? you clearly just don't understand

[I detect a note of sarcasm. Nadin replies . . .]

J*sus, there are people who really cannot see, like horses who will not drink even when led to water.

[You dumb nags! Don't you know you are FORTUNATE to able to drink deep from the font of knowledge that is nadinbrzezinski?]

unrecced for histrionic nonsense.

[We are WATCHING histrionics, folks.]

If the very first line displays a stunning amount of political ignorance, why would I waste my time reading the whole thing??

[And yet, you are on DU.]

unrec for Nostradamus value

[Nadin NostraDUmass.]

By the way, I am willing to compare credentials.

[Nadin has a DEGREE in Histrionics! And don't you forget it!]

Look I have seen what real revolutions do like much closer than I hope you will ever get. . . .

[Nadin has seen it all, unlike you mere neophytes.]

you are a snark aren't you. I have always admired your writing but now I know I am seeing your other side. That is the NASTY side. By the way, did you call your two Senators today? Have you called the WH yet? I told you what I did. . . .

[Nadin TELLS OFF William Rivers Pitt! Will Wee Willie threaten her, like he did Bobo the Hobo?]

Will, are you drinking tonight? you are making ZERO sense.

[Will doesn't need to DRINK to make no sense!]

To answer your question: No. But hey, thanks for pushing a discredited line of attack. Got old years ago, but apparently it never gets old. Thanks. In the future, if you don't follow, ask. PM is always available.

I won't bother the great will pitt over the PM

[Yeah, look what happened to Bobo when Will threatened her over the PM!]

What a load of poppycock. . . . Since when did Henny-Penny take over DU.

[Poppycock and Henny-Penny. DUmmieland is like poultry in motion!]

this is not just about the US. Unlike many provincials here I happen to be noticing a western world trend.

[Unlike you myopic provincials, nadinbrzezinski ia an INTERNATIONAL trendologist!]

people don't read history. Not last week, not ten years ago, or a hundred years ago. Alas I do... that is what I DO.

[Alas, the BURDEN Know-it-all Nadin bears! Having to keep up with All Things. But that is what she DOES! As we see in her next threa--but wait, what's this? I'm being handed a note here. . . . Something about Pied Piper Pitt. . . . Let's quickly move through Nadin's other threads while I look into this . . .]

Another trend I missed, but to be added

[The trend is, we're getting tired of your condescending lectures, Know-it-all Nadin.]

over the last week I have been told repeatedly that my trend spotting (technical term) is an actual support of a revolution.

[Your trend spotting is an actual support of regurgitation.]

Will the Empire Collapse? Absolutely all do. Within my lifetime? 100% assured.
Within the next ten years... IMHO over 80% assured, the trends are there.
Within the next five years... IMHO in the high 60s.
Within the next year... if all things come tighter, and that includes the party of no playing it's role... in the fifties. . . .
Will we have an honest to goodness take to the streets, revolution? . . . ok there is always odds of that, but IMHO it is somewhere between 5-10%... perhaps even lower than 5% at THIS TIME.

[OK, but the big question is: Rams or Chiefs? Who ya pickin'? And I hate to rush you along, Nadin, but there's this thing with Pitt, see, so I've got to go through your new thread real fast . . .]

We essentially have now a non functioning branch of government

[You essentially have a non-functioning brain. . . . Alright, that's enough from you, Know-it-all Nadin. And let me tell you this--this is my expert prediction: You will NOT win Top DUmmie of 2010. You're trying too hard. . . . NOW, THIS JUST IN: BREAKING NEWS from William Rivers Pitt! We go to this
THREAD, "How are you doing?" . . .]

How are you doing?

[Just fine, Will. What up?]

I have my health.

[Good to hear it. Gave up the cancer sticks, I understand.]

I can still write. . . .

[That's debatable. But please, continue . . .]

My wife is almost healthy enough for us to consider having children.

[WHOA! Wee Willie Pitt, thinking of reproducing?? Inconceivable!! I'm stuned. Run that by me again, Will . . .]

. . . for us to consider having children.

[Will, you've been married for over a year now. That means you'll have to TAKE ACTION. . . . TAKE. ACTION. Comprende, amigo?]

I really like my new apartment and my new neighborhood. I have not had a cigarette for 17 days. My cat remans alive and deadly.

[Sorry, didn't catch that. I'm still trying to take in what you said, Will. Wee Willie Pitt, a FATHER?? The mind boggles. Imagine: Could there be a William Pitt the Younger in the offing? A bouncer baby boy? We here at DUmmie FUnnies wish you all the best, Will, and we say, GO FOR IT! We'll check back in nine business months.]

Monday, December 13, 2010

Even DUmmies Admit ObamaCare Mandate Unconstitutional

The first thought that went through my mind when I heard a federal judge in Virginia ruled the ObamaCare mandate to be unconstitutional was...Anthony Kennedy. I knew the 4 completely rational judges would obviously rule it unconstitutional. Otherwise Congress could rule that everybody (even women) must buy jockstraps and that would somehow be constitutional. Of course, the 4 loonies on the court would agree that mandated buying of jockstraps by all would be constitutional but what of the swing vote...Anthony Kennedy? Well, I'm feeling a lot better now after reading this DUmmie THREAD, "A "Public Option" Would Not Be Overthrown in the Courts Like Obama's Mandated Healthcare Has Been." As you can see, even many DUmmies think the ObamaCare mandate is unconstitutional. Of course, what they really want to see is their beloved public option written into law so they sort of have an ulterior motive to see the mandate fail on constitutional grounds. Anyway, for Anthony Kennedy to agree that the mandate is constitutional would mean that he is even more whacked out than the DUmmies which I don't think is the case. So let us now watch even many DUmmies cast doubts on the constitutionality of the central part of ObamaCare in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, anticipating a SOTU tongue lashing from Obama if the Supreme Court rules against the mandate, is in the [barackets]:

A "Public Option" Would Not Be Overthrown in the Courts Like Obama's Mandated Healthcare Has Been.

[LOL! All those liberal CongressCritters putting their political careers at risk to vote for ObamaCare and now it might prove to have been completely fruitless.]

Mandating Americans to purchase a service or a commodity, especially health-care, will never stand up and will lose at the Supreme Court of the United States, especially this Supreme Court

[From DUmmie lips to Anthony Kennedy's ears.]

Today's predicted defeat for President Obama's ill-conceived "deal" with insurance companies is the first nail in the coffin of the stupid concept. It's finished.

[Stupid is as Stupid does.]

President Obama pissed away a moment in history that will not come again for our generation to provide health care, Medicare for all, or even an incremental expansion of Medicare to children and those 55 and older (which would have passed the Senate and the House, along with provisions for pre-existing conditions).

[Obama has pissed away his presidency.]

President Obama wasted his first entire year of his Presidency on this doomed "mandated purchase" concept. And it cost us the House of Representatives and nearly the Senate.

[So what's the downside here?]

Instead of focusing on job creation and the housing disaster, the White House fiddled to this idiotic song that will now be thrown out by the Supreme Court.

[Almost an entire half of a presidential term WASTED on something that will be ruled unconstitutional. Hee! Hee!]

One year wasted for nothing.

[Flush it down the toilet.]

What an idiotic approach to solving the health-care crisis in this country. And, predictably, it failed.

[Failure IS an option.]

We are back to square one on health-care and there will still be over 30 million Americans without health-care.

It's simply appalling.

[But also HILARIOUS. And now on to the other DUmmies...]

I was thinking the exact same thing. With a public option the HCR law may have prevailed in court.

[Nancy Pelosi made the mistake of thinking the constitutionality of a law was completely irrelevant.]

Let It Go--Work for Single Payer, or Medicare for All. there's no need to obsess over this turkey of a plan. Let the GOP do the chopping, clear the way for a true reform.

[Yeah, lets go to work on passing a public option health care bill despite the fact that the chances of it passing in the next Congress is somewhere between nil and none.]

How could mandated insurance be constitutional?

[You should have asked Nancy Pelosi that question.]

I've been saying this since it was first proposed. It sets a terrible precedent. If you can be mandated to buy one private service, why not others? Where would it end?

[All citizens will be required to change their underwear every half-hour. Underwear will be worn on the outside so we can check.]

We know that this health bill was built like a house of cards and it's sooo easy to blow it over.

[And soon it will be gone, Gone With The Wind.]

It will most likely be overthrown. Single Payer would not have.

[Too late now. Thank Obama for permanently POISONING the socialized medicine well.]

If this president had not been a law professor & self-proclaimed constitutional law scholar, I could understand him having the wool pulled over his eyes by some slick talking Big Insurance lobbyists. There is no excuse for this wasted effort and failure.

[You actually think Obama was awake during law school? Come to think of it, he never even attended law classes. All he had to do was prove he had warm blood flowing through his body and his professors would pass him on to the next level where those professors would do the same thing.]

Honestly, when you aim for mediocrity, complete failure is often what you get. Aim high, and sometimes you get something you can live with. But, too late for that. He's not going to spend another moment on health care reform.

[That is what he gets for farming out the health care bill to Nancy and Harry while he hit the golf links.]

That's a great line! I'm going to steal it.

[I'll repeat it for anybody who wants a new tagline: "When you aim for mediocrity, complete failure is often what you get."]

We actually deserve this: we elected a person instead of a leader of a movement with specific policy aims. We bought into fluffy vagueness and blithe homilies of a Pied Piper who we were enthusiastically swept into turning off our logic gateways to surf pure emotional frenzy.

[Bush's fault!!!]

The Health Care Debacle is a PRIME EXAMPLE of political expediency over true leadership.

[May I send you an Obama 2012 bumper sticker?]

Hey, didn't the Obama faithful promise to help us FIGHT for a Public Option If we supported their beloved's HCR plan? What ever happened to all of those who said "just pass the bill, THEN we'll GET TO WORK on pushing for a Public Option"!

[Yes but ONLY if it didn't cut into The Beloved's golf time.]

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Big Dog meets Little Obowwow: Clinton-Obama presser has DUmmies howling!

As if things couldn't be more stressful over in DUmmieland, now the denizens of Democratic Underground have TWO Democrat presidents to be angry at! President Obama invited former president Bill Clinton to the White House Friday, for a press conference to help sell the Obama Tax Cuts for the Evil Rich. So now the DUmmies are howling at BOTH "Big Dog" and the new pup, Bark Obowwow.

Tonight there are SCADS of threads to choose from on this, in both
General Discussion: Presidency THREADS and General Discussion THREADS (too many to link individually).

Meanwhile, the other hot topic is the hero worship being accorded to filibustering Sen. Bernie Sanders, the SOCIALIST from the People's Republic of Vermont. Imagine, two DEMOCRAT Presidents being BLASTED, and a SOCIALIST senator being LIONIZED, on DEMOCRATIC Underground! Skinner and EarlG must either be about to go into "Locking" mode or else they've just given up!

So let us witness the POUNDING being given right now to Big Dog and Little Obowwow, in Rabid-Response Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, crying "Release the hounds!", is in the {brackets]:

Bill Clinton's Coming To The White House

[Hide the interns!]

Maybe the Secretary of State forgot her heart-healthy sack lunch

[Maybe Hilly and Billy want a little afternoon delight, a little nookie. . . . Eeeewww! Bad mental image there!]

I bet the WH will want Bill to go and seduce or bully the Dems who are revolting. . . .

[Isn't that all of them?]

I feel comforted! I have always felt safe when Big Dawg is in the oval office!

[Signed, Monica Lewinsky]

Clinton endorses tax deal following Oval Office powwow with Obama

[Powwow with Obowwow.]

Obama and Big Dog on MSNBC now!

Obama has left Bill to 'speak' alone.

[The teleprompter must be on the fritz.]

it makes Obama look devastatingly weak

[Little Barkie submits to the alpha male.]

It's weird! BO just standing next to Bill with a sillly grin on his face. It's like he brought his big brother to school to take on the bully.

[Black presidents gots to stand together!]

Now BO has left the room! Big Dog continues presser.

I bet Obama went offstage and threw up. This has got to be so humiliating for him!

[Barack Ovomit, Repuke.]

who advises the president? did they think this makes him look smart and strong?

[I think it was the brainstorm of that new adviser--oh, what is his name again? Grove! Kurt Grove!]

A scary thought. A President in over his head?

[It's above his pay grade.]

Can you imagine the 'phone call? "Hi Bill, are you busy this afternoon? I need you to sell my tax bill for me - they won't listen to me."

["A microphone? In the White House? And people there to listen to me and take my picture? Shoot, Ah am SO there!]

Obama ditches the Tax Cut presser to go spend time with Michelle!

[OK, the thought of Bill and Hillary was bad enough, but this. . . .]

Who is the president again?

[Clinton, Bush, Obama--same difference.]

I question the wisdom of leaving the room and leaving Bill Clinton in charge. . . .

[Keep an eye on the silverware!]

I wouldn't leave my wife waiting either. Even the president should think twice before standing up his wife.

[Especially a wife with shouders like the First Wookie. Yeah, I suppose you think Barry got that fat lip from "basketball"? Ha!]

I wonder if Clinton is going to give the State of the Union address next month?

["The era of Barry Government is over. . . ."]

It is completely surreal to see Bill Clinton standing in front of the White House insignia, calling on reporters, having them call him Mr. President, and then hear them address policy questions to him like he's still in office. You can tell he loves every second of it, too. . . .

[The Ego has landed.]

We have a lot of stuff, and much of it is at crisis level. But the chickens still elect Colonel Sanders - and NOT Bernie Sanders. "Stuck on stupid"

[Kentucky Fried Stupid.]

Can I borrow your gun?

[Wee Willie Pitt weighs in. Apparently he's ready for armed revolt.]

Will, are you drinking tonight? you are making ZERO sense.

[Which of those two things would be out of the ordinary?]

The world didn't come to the end, Satan did not sprout out of Cheney's stomach (like we all thought) and Bush did not usher into a demonic celebration of the planet. Time to have a drink, smoke a joint, do some f***ing yoga, and chill the f*** out for f***s sake.

[It's just a joint f***in' press conference.]

What is the over under on how long Clinton stands at the White House podium. . .he ain't leaving. .

[A Bridge to the 22nd Century.]

Sock it to 'em Big Dog! Take that 'progressives'.

[Sic 'em, Big Dog!]


[In the doghouse with ya!]

Isn't Bill Clinton a dog whistling racist, race baiter?

[Bill Clinton is a MASTER baiter.]



Friday, December 10, 2010

Join me in the "Prog Land in My Mind"!

Hiya, cousin. . . . You say the corporatist overlords have got you down? You say you spoke truth to power, but power put you on hold? And you'd be taking it to the streets, if only you could find your way out of the basement? And you tried starting a revolution, but the oppressed masses were too busy playing FarmVille? Is that what's bothering you, bunkie?


Yes, that's the philosophy of DUmmie originalpckelly. If he can't get a revolution going in the real world, he'll lead one in a pretend one! Yes, the Reality-Based Community™ is having a Mental Revolution®! We'll read about it here in this
THREAD, "pssst...yeah you...there's a revolution starting...want to join in? it begins in you..."

Now every revolution needs an anthem, and so yours truly, the wag tailoring the doggerel, has come up with this one. Click the music link and sing along!

Tune: Playground in My Mind

When the bad guys get me down
And I must stay underground
I take some drugs and soon I find
I'm in a Prog Land in my mind
Where the DUmmies laugh
And the DUmmies play
And we smoke a bong all day

My name is Michael
I'm kinda mental
I'm kinda mental
I'm on DU
My mind will travel
When things unravel
That's what I'm gonna do

Oh, the wonders that I find
In the Prog Land in my mind
In a world that ought to be
Pop your pills and follow me
Where the DUmmies laugh
And the DUmmies play
And we smoke a bong all day

My name is Willie
We tax the wealthy
We're gonna take a
Trillion or two
We're gonna make 'em
Pay for our healthcare
That's what we're gonna do

See the litle DUmmies
Living in a world that is not confined
Happy little DUmmies
In the Prog Land in my mind

See the little DUmmies
See how they play so happy
In the Prog Land in my mind

La la la la la la . . .

So let us now join DUmmie originalpckelly in a trip to Prog Land, in Bolshevik Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, wondering if mental jackbooted thugs will put down the mental revolutionaries, is in the [brackets]:

pssst...yeah you...there's a revolution starting...want to join in? it begins in you...

[In me? Why, what possibly could you mean?]

Today I pledge that I am a revolutionary. I will not stop until this government is radically changed. What it will look like, I do not know. But I know one thing: I have a revolution in my mind.

[Oh, I get it! Your MIND is revolting!]

I may do everything like a normal person, but I am not normal.

[You're telling me!]

I do not believe in any particular ideology, I believe in the truth. The truth has set me free.

[Speak it, brutha!]

I know I own me.

[At least until you have to foreclose on yourself.]

I pledge that I will work until my death to ensure that my brothers and sisters will reach freedom.

[You are the mental Moses.]

It is no different than being on the underground railroad. . . .

[It's like being on a PRETEND railroad! CHOO CHOOOO!!!]

I am free, and nothing will stop me from making sure others are free. Even imprisonment or even death. In the jail cell, I'll be the freest man alive. And dying at the gallows, I will live forever.

[It's the Think System®! It's revolutionary!]

I tell the people who own us: I AM FREE!


I am meek, not much really, but knowing I am free makes me more powerful than a nuclear bomb.

[Drugs are FUn!]

Resist at every turn. Do not let this die down. Force the issue. Do everything you can to get in THEIR face. Shut them down in your mind and you will shut them down in the most important place. But don't just shut them down in your mind. SHUT THEM DOWN EVERYWHERE! AT EVERY TURN! SHOW THEM WHO'S REALLY BOSS!


It is the oligarchy of business interests and government interests, mostly right wing, that uses things like the media to tell us lies. That's also the "they" I use. It's not just US v. THEM. It's the free versus this massive blob of tyranny that just keeps growing and growing. Do what you want to, but the blob is rolling down your street as you read this.

[The Blob That Ate DUmmieland.]

I'm no genius, I can't tell you all the answers, but I know one thing: YOU ARE THE ANSWER!

[You are the answer to the question you've been waiting for.]

I'm not some political leader, I will never hold political office, but I am a person who can figure basic sh*t out.

[Like words and stuff.]

Let the revolution begin within all of us tonight. THE EMPIRE HAS FALLEN IN MY MIND, LET IT FALL IN YOUR'S TOO!

[THE MENTAL REVOLUTION® BEGINS TODAY!!!!! . . . And the DUmmies respond . . .]

I'm in.


Its a crazy concept, I know, but they invented these places called airports a long while ago. You see, from one of these "airports" a person could go just about anywhere else in the world, away from this jackbooted police state.


I'm in...I say f*** it. Pull the finger out of the dike and let it rip.

[Pull my finger!]

On first read, I thought the rhetoric rather over the top. . . .

[On second read, it's absolutely loopy!]

Wow. Mom forgets to send the rent money and now this? . . . Good luck with the revolution. I heard those can be nasty dirty things.

[The Mental Revolution® is so much neater and cleaner than real ones!]

And tomorrow morning, you'll drink some coffee, go to work, maybe eat a sandwich. Vive le revolution!

[It IS like FarmVille, after all! Prog Land, take me away!]

Wednesday, December 08, 2010

"We are f*cked"

The DUmmies have given up all hope...and change as you can see by the very title of their THREAD, "We are f*cked." All because of the tax cut compromise proposed by Obama yesterday. What is really interesting about Obama's willingness to extend the Bush tax cuts is that is an admission by his administration that those tax cuts were effective in the first place and are important for the economy. When those tax cuts were first proposed nearly 10 years ago, the Democrats scoffed at them as being insignificant in helping the middle class. However, Obama is now admitting that they are so important for the middle class that he is now willing to extend them for the RIIIIIIIICCCCHHHHHHH. All this has sent the Democrats and the DUmmies into a state of deep funk. So let us now watch the DUmmies agonize over the Obama tax cuts cave in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, noting that this will now become a BIG issue for the 2012 election, is in the [barackets]:

We are f*cked.

[If you say so.]

We are all supply siders now. We have set a precedent that cannot be undone.

[Good news. ObamaCare CAN be undone simply by withholding funding in Congress.]

We support taxcuts to get our economy going over whatever other processes available.

[Processes like forced collectivization.]

We support unlimited war and indefensible defense budgets.

[Like the unlimited war on poverty going on for over 40 years?]

We support massive deficits if it helps the wealthy.

[So that was the reason for ObamaCare.]

We support cuts in social programs if it helps the wealthy.

[Cut midnight basketball programs to help maintain the trust fund of William Rivers Pitt.]

Do not deceive yourself. There is no one looking out for you.

[John Kerry has your back.]

We are screwed.

[Ben Burch will do the honors and now on to the other DUmmies...]

it's depressing, so much for hope

[...And change. That's down the tubes too.]

Or change.

[I swear I didn't read that when I wrote my previous comment but, yeah, change is gone too. Thrown under the bus with hope.]

This is what happens when the Wall Street money people own both Parties.

[Timothy Geithner has your back.]

I am so incredibly sad.

[Boo hoo! You want a hankie?]

We are chaining ourselves to anvils and jumping overboard because we have decided everyone is entitled to their own version of reality and we can't agree that a temperature graph going up means the temperature is going up.

[In the DUmmie reality up is not the opposite of down but is three miles east of Philadelphia.]

NO no no no...I do have hope! and you won't take it away from me. how bad it was during the depression...then we got the New Deal! I will not give in to hopelessness....

[Don't give up hope. In 2013 President Christie will have a new deal.]

we can reverse it if we refuse to lie down and take it.

[No need to lie down. Just bend over and take it.]

Totally deflated. and angry

[You want Mr. Rogers to sing you a happy song?]

this is nonsense the whole thing

[t's a beautiful day in this neighborhood,
A beautiful day for a neighbor,
Would you be mine?
Could you be mine?]

I think what happened on December 12, 2000 was the death sentence for America. What happened the following year on September 11 was just the funeral pyre to commemorate it. How the hell do you recover from eight fascist years of the Bush/Cheney Imperial pResidency?!

[It's a neighborly day in this beautywood,
A neighborly day for a beauty,
Would you be mine?
Could you be mine?]

My gut told me in 1980 and again in 2000 that we were missing major jump points. There may not be another in time.

[I have always wanted to have a neighbor just like you,
I've always wanted to live in a neighborhood with you.]

F*ck it. Guess I'll get high and listen to Pink Floyd while I still have food and electricity.

[So let's make the most of this beautiful day,
Since we're together, we might as well say,
Would you be mine?
Could you be mine?
Won't you be my neighbor?]

Exactly, this is a country run by and for millionaires and billionaires. We, the rest of the country get constantly thrown under the curb. Shit, I'm suprised these assholes haven't tried to bring back 1790's era politics where their class was the only one allowed to vote. It's pretty clear we don't matter.

[Won't you please,
Won't you please,
Please won't you be my neighbor?]