Wednesday, December 29, 2010

"No Labels" brings Left and Right together: We all hate it!



So there's this thing called "No Labels," an astroturf "movement" that has as its theme, "Not Left. Not Right. Forward." They just had their No Labels Founders Meeting a couple weeks ago, and get a load of some of the people involved: Michael Bloomberg, David Brooks, David Gergen, Joe Lieberman, Evan Bayh, Charlie Crist, Michael Castle. . . . What a collection of warmed-over milquetoast! Moderate liberals from both parties, united against what they call "hyper-partisanship." (BTW, this "No Labels" thing may be just a front for a Bloomberg presidential run.)

These folks have even got a
"No Labels Anthem," written and performed by some rap guy named Akon. And of course this is just crying out for a parody, and since yours truly, Charles Henrickson, is the wag tailoring the doggerel, here goes. Click the music link and sing along!

MOD-LIB'RALS
Tune: "No Labels"

We may not understand this whole "government" and how it grows
I'm just a namby-pamby man tryin' to be nice and not know
See a man who's a Blue Dog
See a man who's a RINO
So how about we muddle in the middle and do it dumb
Hold our hands, singin' Kumbaya
All we ask from you is uncertainty
And moderation, give up all that you believe
I'm only one man with No Balls, a eunuch who's gotten neutered
Need a Moderate, then look at me

Sorta Moderate, sorta Liberal
Not a spine in your back, invertebral
Put your core beliefs aside, don't take a stand
'Cause we need more mushy people who are bland
I wish we all could be Mod-Lib'rals
We'd get along as Mod-Lib'rals

Jello to hold on to, lukewarm, you'll throw up too
Wouldn't you like to see us say that we're for good hospitals and good schools
Don't wind up in those juvenile hostilities
Or fighting over constitutionalities
But all this time you go beyond intentions
And you decided to ask how we'll do it, are you kiddin' me
'Cause all we ask from you is uncertainty
And moderation, give up all that you believe
I'm only one man with No Balls, a eunuch who's gotten neutered
Need a Moderate, then look at me

Sorta Moderate, sorta Liberal
Not a spine in your back, invertebral
Put your core beliefs aside, don't take a stand
'Cause we need more mushy people who are bland
I wish we all could be Mod-Lib'rals
We'd get along as Mod-Lib'rals . . .

Now I can see that this "No Labels" movement has already succeeded in bringing the Left and the Right together: We all hate it! DUmmieland, KOmmieland, and HUffieland on the Left, FReeperville on the Right--all have had threads mocking the Mod Libs! For today we'll just pick one, this KOmmieland
THREAD, "The No Labels Party: No Soul Just Pure Elitism." Bolshevik Red, [brackets], you know the drill:

The No Labels Party: No Soul Just Pure Elitism

[Yes, but it's MODERATE elitism.]

Just what we need; another multibillionaire running for president with no particular agenda but self glorification.

[The Bloomberg Boomlet.]

the most boring political movement of all time.

[zzzzzzzzzzzzzz..........]

I wont need the Chamomile tea to help me to sleep tonight, thanks No Labels!

[The Chamomile Tea Party.]

I'll tell you what; you bring the campfire music since I already have the bipartisan marshmallows roasting.

[Maybe we should chug on over to Kamp Kumbaya and sit around the campfire and get our marshmallows slightly warm.]

elevator music

[Barry Manilow for the Soul.]

What seething mass of bipartisan mushiness are these astroturfers going to coopt?

[Gergen's Baby Food: No teeth needed.]

About No Labels logo: "Not Left. Not Right. Forward." . . .

[Not Left. Not Right. Stupid.}

No Label Tee Shirts?

[No Left Arm. No Right Arm. One Forward Arm.]

"We Stand For...Not Standing For Things!"

[Would a No Labels member who actually takes a stand on something be a NoLINO?]

bipartisanship = castration?

[The No Balls movement.]

5 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Kind of like the plain label generic products from the '70s.
Just a black and white label that said "Beer" or "Mustard" but this product will say "Bloomberg"

10:12 PM  
Anonymous DumbAss Tanker said...

Coffee Party redux. Just as fake, and I'm sure it will be just as catchy and successful.

10:49 PM  
Anonymous Corona said...

They fucked up. They forgot to say they were sparkling vampires.

12:22 AM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

This is no astroturf movement. Jesus. It's marketing agency bullshit. Probably Bloomburg testing the waters for a third party presidential run. But viewing "No Labels" as some kind of "movement" is just fucking dumb. It's a bought-and-paid-for marketing device taking cues from Proctor and Gamble. It's a manufactured moniker (ironically known as a 'label') claiming some sort of street cred, grass-roots origin. It's utter bullshit.

1:04 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm going to the Dr.'s something has gone seriously wrong with me. I agree with the DUmmies.

Someone should tell them to stop labeling the no labels party it's rude and condescending. They specifically asked not to be labeled.

At least with a party like No Labels we'll finally find out if a tree does or does not make a noise when falling in the forest. This has to be the group that has the answer for that age old question. They can probably also explain just what "nothing" would be like too.

Johnny 5 is alive

7:27 PM  

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