Saturday, September 30, 2006

"In Case I Disappear"---William Rivers Pitt

Ever since his very public humiliation last Spring when he stated that Karl Rove had ALREADY been indicted on May 12, Pied Piper Pitt has kept a rather low profile in DUmmieland. Oh sure, there have been several overlong posts of excruciating boredom made by him but they were more in the form of territorial marking, like a cat urinating on a tree trunk, just to let the DUmmies know he is still around. However, Pitt has now upped the ante of his usual melodramatic antics and now wants people to know that he thinks that he is IMPORTANT enough for the government to take turn him into a North American version of a desaparecido as if the EVIL Bush regime would issue a Nacht und Nebel (Night and Fog) decree for him. Sorry, Pitt, but you just aren't that important. The only place you will be disappearing is into the Bukowki's toilet stall for an extended stay to disgorge yourself of your copious imbibings. The fact is, the government only really knows about you as presented by the DUmmie FUnnies and do you think they want to shut down such a great source of inadvertent humor as you have amply demonstrated in this THREAD breathlessly titled, "In Case I Disappear." So let us now watch Pied Piper Pitt melodramatically attempt to make all memories of his role in perpetrating Hoaxmas disappear in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, thinking of devoting an entire chapter of his DUmmie FUnnies book to the comedic Pitt antics, is in the [brackets]:

In Case I Disappear

[The DUmmie FUnnies will mourn the loss of its best source of inadvertent comedy material.]

I have been told a thousand times at least, in the years I have spent reporting on the astonishing and repugnant abuses, lies and failures of the Bush administration, to watch my back. "Be careful," people always tell me. "These people are capable of anything. Stay off small planes, make sure you aren't being followed." A running joke between my mother and me is that she has a "safe room" set up for me in her cabin in the woods, in the event I have to flee because of something I wrote or said.

[Don't worry, Pitt. You're safe. It is TEMPORARY SOCKPUPPET the Feds are after.]

I always laughed and shook my head whenever I heard this stuff. Extreme paranoia wrapped in the tinfoil of conspiracy, I thought. This is still America, and these Bush fools will soon pass into history, I thought. I am a citizen, and the First Amendment hasn't yet been red-lined, I thought.

[And we ALWAYS laugh at your Drama Queen antics.]

Matters are different now.

[Ever since May 12, the Day When Everything Finally Changed...for the third time.]

It seems, perhaps, that the people who warned me were not so paranoid. It seems, perhaps, that I was not paranoid enough. Legislation passed by the Republican House and Senate, legislation now marching up to the Republican White House for signature, has shattered a number of bedrock legal protections for suspects, prisoners, and pretty much anyone else George W. Bush deems to be an enemy.

[George W. Bush has deemed you to be the Clown Prince of the Left.]

So much of this legislation is wretched on the surface. Habeas corpus has been suspended for detainees suspected of terrorism or of aiding terrorism, so the Magna Carta-era rule that a person can face his accusers is now gone. Once a suspect has been thrown into prison, he does not have the right to a trial by his peers. Suspects cannot even stand in representation of themselves, another ancient protection, but must accept a military lawyer as their defender.

[Don't worry, Pitt. I will ensure that you always have the right to a trial by your peers by recruiting the jury pool from the Titicut Follies performers.]

Illegally-obtained evidence can be used against suspects, whether that illegal evidence was gathered abroad or right here at home. To my way of thinking, this pretty much eradicates our security in persons, houses, papers, and effects, as stated in the Fourth Amendment, against illegal searches and seizures.

[Please make sure your fellow Democrats stress this point while campaigning.]

Speaking of collecting evidence, the torture of suspects and detainees has been broadly protected by this new legislation. While it tries to delineate what is and is not acceptable treatment of detainees, in the end, it gives George W. Bush the final word on what constitutes torture. US officials who use cruel, inhumane or degrading treatment to extract information from detainees are now shielded from prosecution.

[We continue to have the right to cruelly torture terrorists with 69 degrees of air conditioning.]

It was two Supreme Court decisions, Hamdi v. Rumsfeld and Hamdan v. Rumsfeld, that compelled the creation of this legislation. The Hamdi decision held that a prisoner has the right of habeas corpus, and can challenge his detention before an impartial judge. The Hamdan decision held that the military commissions set up to try detainees violated both the Uniform Code of Military Justice and the Geneva Conventions.

[I suddenly have a case of the munchies so I've made the Hamsandwich decision.]

In short, the Supreme Court wiped out virtually every legal argument the Bush administration put forth to defend its extraordinary and dangerous behavior. The passage of this legislation came after a scramble by Republicans to paper over the torture and murder of a number of detainees. As columnist Molly Ivins wrote on Wednesday, "Of the over 700 prisoners sent to Gitmo, only 10 have ever been formally charged with anything. Among other things, this bill is a CYA for torture of the innocent that has already taken place."

[Strange how neither Pitt nor the DUmmiecrats can actually NAME the tortured and murdered detainees.]

It seems almost certain that, at some point, the Supreme Court will hear a case to challenge the legality of this legislation, but even this is questionable. If a detainee is not allowed access to a fair trial or to the evidence against him, how can he bring a legal challenge to a court? The legislation, in anticipation of court challenges like Hamdi and Hamdan, even includes severe restrictions on judicial review over the legislation itself.

[Cry me a River of tears for the poor widdle terrorists.]

The Republicans in Congress have managed, at the behest of Mr. Bush, to draft a bill that all but erases the judicial branch of the government. Time will tell whether this aspect, along with all the others, will withstand legal challenges. If such a challenge comes, it will take time, and meanwhile there is this bill. All of the above is deplorable on its face, indefensible in a nation that prides itself on Constitutional rights, protections and the rule of law.

[Maybe you should talk Kerry into introducing the Terrorist Protection Bill.]

Underneath all this, however, is where the paranoia sets in.

[Paranoia which seems to bubble up in EVERY DUmmie thread.]

Underneath all this is the definition of "enemy combatant" that has been established by this legislation. An "enemy combatant" is now no longer just someone captured "during an armed conflict" against our forces. Thanks to this legislation, George W. Bush is now able to designate as an "enemy combatant" anyone who has "purposefully and materially supported hostilities against the United States."

[Poor widdle terrorist supporters.]

Consider that language a moment. "Purposefully and materially supported hostilities against the United States" is in the eye of the beholder, and this administration has proven itself to be astonishingly impatient with criticism of any kind. The broad powers given to Bush by this legislation allow him to capture, indefinitely detain, and refuse a hearing to any American citizen who speaks out against Iraq or any other part of the so-called "War on Terror."

[Fortunately Bukowski's has been designated a protected sanctuary so you will remain forever safe.]

If you write a letter to the editor attacking Bush, you could be deemed as purposefully and materially supporting hostilities against the United States. If you organize or join a public demonstration against Iraq, or against the administration, the same designation could befall you. One dark-comedy aspect of the legislation is that senators or House members who publicly disagree with Bush, criticize him, or organize investigations into his dealings could be placed under the same designation. In effect, Congress just gave Bush the power to lock them up.

[Or as MTV kept repeating just before the 2004 election---you COULD be drafted.]

By writing this essay, I could be deemed an "enemy combatant." It's that simple, and very soon, it will be the law. I always laughed when people told me to be careful. I'm not laughing anymore.

[You will only be deemed an enemy of concise writing.]

In case I disappear, remember this. America is an idea, a dream, and that is all. We have borders and armies and citizens and commerce and industry, but all this merely makes us like every other nation on this Earth. What separates us is the idea, the simple idea, that life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness are our organizing principles. We can think as we please, speak as we please, write as we please, worship as we please, go where we please. We are protected from the kinds of tyranny that inspired our creation as a nation in the first place.

[LOOKEE MEE! LOOKEE MEE! I'm important enough to be disappeared by the EVIL Bush Regime! (Can I now PLEASE have a campaign job, Mr. Kerry?)]

That was the idea. That was the dream. It may all be over now, but once upon a time, it existed. No good idea ever truly dies. The dream was here, and so was I, and so were you.

[Your dream of a Kerry campaign job has disappeared, Pitt, after making the entire Democrat party look like fools for falling for the Hoaxmas fraud you perpetrated last May. And now on to the DUmmie responses to this pathetic eruption of overinflated self-importance...]

brought me to tears, both for its beauty but also from the fear and dread I feel. I am so scared for my family (this includes my DU family).

[Don't ever leave the sanctuary of Mommy's basement.]

Bush alone could change the outcome of the elections in November if he wants to. He can lock them up and throw away the key. And it's all legal thanks to the GOP-led (corrupt) Congress.

[And he can even make the Diebold election results whistle Dixie if he wants to.]

Have we finally stopped circling the drain, and started moving full-speed toward the sewer?

[Give my regards to Ed Norton.]

Get ready for a bumpy ride. We are following the path of pre WWII Germany to a T. We need to start a check in place to keep track of each other.

[Check the bulletin board of your local Wal-Mart Detention Center.]

The worst part about the "New World Order" is that you won't ever be able to escape it's reach by moving to another country. It's not like that yet, but someday, if their plans are carried out to the fullest extent, there will truly be no where to run, no where to hide.

[Fortunately the Fifth Dimension will remain forever FREEEEEEE!!!]

Even now we are on the verge of taking hold of the course of our own evolution. We may be a mere hundred years away from unlocking full human potential and making strides we can't even imagine now. But it doesn't matter if it is a hundred years, or a thousand, or even a million. Provided we do not go extinct, we will eventually achieve a transcendent human philosophy along with our technological and physical achievements.

[Enjoying your acid trip?]

Immortality and control are irrelevant where the human spirit is concerned. Both will fade, or all will perish.

[Sharing the acid with the DUmmie above?]

Never for even a moment do I intend to lie down...

[Pied Piper Pitt hasn't slept since April...2005.]

there is always suicide. The Archons ,rulers or"principalities and powers" Fascist f*ckheads whatever you call it,They can try to break your mind,control your life,damage your body..but they cannot control your spirit once you decide to refuse them control and the most extreme form of saying no, is to cut yourself free of your own body..To me, that was the core of Jesus's message.The body is not you. Death is not the END..Disagree all you want.

[Hey, if you want to commit suicide, who am I to stop you?]

I have a safe house if needed. watch your back and your phone calls.

[A safe house located in the backroom of Bukowski's.]

Yeah, I'll be a traitor. lots of thought, maybe the thought police will get me first.

[More likely the Thoughtless Police will get you first.]

Can I have some of your rice? They will not feed us as well as the "detainees" at Guantanamo...

[At least you can still gorge yourselves on orange glaze chicken.]

If we don't get subpoena power in this Election, * will absolutely squash all dissent. I hear that he has set up the Doomsday Project at DOJ in case Dems do get Subpoena Power. They will fight it tooth and nail. They're shredding as we type probably.

[Hopefully they are shredding wheat. I'm getting the munchies again.]

I feel the same way - and I am afraid. I am terrified, I will get flamed but I am seriously thinking of telling the ACLU to dump my membership, delete my account at DU and cut all my ties to all political groups. I am so fearful for my small children.

[They are safe as long as they are not schoolgirls at a certain private Newton school.]

I literally cannot stop crying.

[ I literally cannot stop laughing.]

It's been a tough day. I'm a teacher and it's my planning period now, but I lost it first period. When my students asked why I didn't have as much patience as usual today I picked up the paper and read part of an article to them. I didn't tell them everything, but I let them know they should be concerned about our country.

[Do you teach at a certain private school in Newton, MA?]

Thinking we might be wise to break into some cells for communication purposes; sort of a Deeper Underground Democratic Underground.

[Deeper Underground Democratic Underground aka Deep DUDU.]

I think about my family, and the people I love, and what would happen to them if I became a victim of Bush. It's not right. It's not America. It's...all over.


But... I have to say in all honesty that if anyone feels threatened by the passage of this un-American legislation and granting of unprecedented power to the executive, they should immediately arm themselves and be prepared to shoot to kill anyone who tries to take them away.

[They came to take you away...HEE! HEE! They came to take you away...HO! HO!]

I'm gonna go hide under the bed and sob now. I really miss my country. I suppose the good news is we'll all be together at Gitmo for my birthday party next year.

[We'll light birthday candles on top of your Club Gitmo orange glaze chicken.]

The scariest thing to me is that most Americans don't even know what's happening. When I try to tell people in my family, many of them think I've gone over the edge

[Why do I have absolutely no trouble believing that?]

I think Will Pitt's posting are generally thoughtful and thought provoking, even when I don't fully agree with them. But I think some people have an over-inflated sense of their own significance. The folks posting here are, to the administration, no more than a pimple on the butt of the universe.

[Will Pitt as the insignificant cosmic pimple on the butt of the universe.]

I'm going to try to alter or abolish this government in November. If that doesn't work due to something such as a stolen election, then I will find other ways to throw off this despotic government. If they try to disappear me, you, or anyone else, then I will pledge my life, fortune, and sacred honor to stop them. In short, the evil would no longer be sufferable, and I'm stubborn as a mule when liberty is at stake. I bet I ain't the only one that feels that way.

[Correct. There are plenty of other inmates in the DUmmie asylum.]

when will people wake up already?

[In the Year 2525...if Man is still Alive.]

Will, I have avoided your posts because of some disparaging words you had for me, but today I did read this piece and it made me cry. Today I would like to make amends and stand with you against the tyranny that faces all of us.

The disparaging words were almost certainly me being an asshole. It happens from time to time, and I apologize.

[It happens whenever you indulge in a drunken Bukowski's binge which means FREQUENTLY.]

The Enabling Act (Ermächtigungsgesetz in German) was passed by Germany's parliament (the Reichstag) on 23 March 1933. It was the second major step after the Reichstag Fire Decree through which the Nazis obtained dictatorial powers using largely legal means. The Act enabled Chancellor Adolf Hitler and his cabinet to enact laws without the participation of the Reichstag. The formal name of the Enabling Act was Gesetz zur Behebung der Not von Volk und Reich ('Law to Remedy the Distress of the People and the Reich'). As with most of the laws passed in the process of Gleichschaltung, the Enabling Act is quite short (5 Articles), considering its consequences. The Enabling Act was proclaimed by the government the following day on March 24. Following constitutional procedure for legislation, the law was countersigned by President von Hindenburg, Chancellor Hitler, Minister of Interior Frick, Foreign Minister von Neurath, and Minister of Finance von Krosigk.

[ACHTUNG!!! Pied Piper Pitt tossing around long German words to make himself seem important. Freudenschade, baby!]

Thank you, everyone, for the thoughts and recommendations
We hang together or hang separately.

[No one except benburch is interested in how you are hung, Will.]

So much drama, so little time.

[And DUmmie symbolman WINS a Kewpie Doll for having the brief mental clarity to NAIL Pied Piper Pitt. Continue...]

I'm pretty sure that actual Media people who show up on the radar (Liberal of course) will be taken out first, not internet "conspiracy theorists" which is what they call ALL of us, including you. Why not just quit the DU and play it safe, you've done it before. If indeed you are considered more than an ass pimple to this admin, as one poster suggested most of us are, it would be your duty as our leader to lay low for awhile as you are much too valuable to us all here. We are going to need you to lead the charge.

[The pimple leading the pimps. Continue...]

Smoke and mirrors, tons of ego all around.

[Hey, we're talking about Pied Piper Pitt here. You're on a roll so continue...]

It's too bad Rove wasn't actually indicted. Had that happened he might not have pulled this little ploy, instead been sitting in a cell, or too busy flooding his Depends to dream up something this rancid.

[But Rove was indicted last May 12. Didn't you get the news from Pitt via TruthOut? Continue...]

You know how much I'd hate to see you go Will, but I actually WOULD be pained if you got tortured, if that were to happen I would be there for you as a someone they have trained to kill, despite any disagreements we have.

[They plan to torture Will by forcing him to read his Endless "Penitence" At DUmmie Canossa.]

Hey, don't worry about me. Rumor has it I can kill people just by speaking.

[Correct Will. You kill people by boring them to death.]

I'll leave these words for posterity, because I know either way Pitt's threads are going to wind up saved for the future.

[Don't worry. Pitt's comedy act is being saved for posterity in the DUmmie FUnnies. Continue with your "words for posterity..."]

If we wake up in time to pull out if this nosedive, we'll be remembered through history as leaders of the revolt. If we fail and wind up in the Gitmo's planned for us, then they'll keep these threads for evidence. If I see long time posters disappearing, if I suddenly stop posting then I will have been disappeared, and any of you that are still around you better head for higher ground.

[Is that you, Ruth? And shouldn't you be writing down these "words for posterity" on toilet paper for Evey to read in V For Vendetta?]

September 28, 2006 was a dark day in our history.

[For DUmmies, it vastly overshadows September 11, 2001.]

Secondly, if you're a Tolkien fan, just remember that help comes from unseen, unbidden quarters when you least expect it (and often when things look their bleakest). The Eagles always managed to turn up at just the right time, to turn the tide.

[Thirdly, I'm wondering at this point how many of these dopey rantings are coming from legit NUttie DUmmies or from LOUSY FREEPER TROLLS!!!]

Got an email today from a Truth Movementer.

[Truth Movementer? Is that a Truther with constipation?]

Anyone that has posted here, even logged on here. Anyone who has said a less than flattering word about the current administration. Anyone who attended a rally against the war. Anyone who had a Kerry bumpersticker on their car or dared to vote for him. All of us here in the DU community are now at risk. We can be arrested without any probable cause, whisked off to Gitmo or even worse and kept there until we die without our families having any information.

[A Kerry bumpersticker alone is enough to get you a one-way ticket to Gitmo.]

When they come for me I will scream loud enough for all of
you to hear me, after I bite off someone's nuts!

[Is that you, benburch?]

I can't get my mind off this since yesterday. Everything I do or say is now clouded with hesitation. Add that to the fact that I work for a "Christian" employer who would probably fire me if they knew how liberal I am, and I'm totally freaked out.

[Don't forget to bow before your employer's fish symbol daily or it's off to Gitmo for you.]

SPEAKING TRUTH TO POWER: WILLIAM RIVERS PITT. Pitt weaves beautiful, reverberating truth to Bu$h's raw, obscene power. Thank God for Will Pitt.

[Is that you, Will Pitt?]

(You can now access the DUmmie FUnnies simply by typing "DUmmieFUnnies.Com" into your URL address box.)

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Friday, September 29, 2006

"Today's capitulation sealed the Dems fate for November"

The DUmmies have given up hope a lot earlier than I expected. At the beginning of this month, the DUmmies were in a state of total jublilation by the prospect of their inevitable victory in November. Now that it is the end of the month, the DUmmies have already succumbed to doom and gloom by giving up all hope of victory at the polls. I honestly believed this DUmmie depression would begin by mid-October but I underestimated the rapidity of their mood shifts. Several things have caused the shift in the DUmmie mood but the latest one is the Senate passage yesterday of the Detainee Interrogation Bill which the DUmmies call the Torture Bill. You can see the extent of DUmmie defeatism over this in this THREAD titled, "Today's capitulation sealed the Dems fate for November." So let us now savor the sweet salty tears of DUmmie despair in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, looking for a Dollar Store sale on Guy Fawkes costumes, is in the [brackets]:

Today's capitulation sealed the Dems fate for November

[I think the Dems fate was sealed when DUmmieland went online.]

the odds were long anyway with purged voter rolls and phony voting machines. But in fact, there is no compelling reason to vote out the right-wing Congress on November. It should be crystal clear to even the Fox News devotees like Human Torch that our inexorable march toward a fascist state won't be affected by the results of this fall's vote. A slight Dem majority in either house of Congress will not produce the investigations and aggressive prosecutions needed to reverse our rendevous with Nazi Germany's fate.

[You have a Wal-Mart Detention Center in your future.]

The worst president in the country's history gets everything he asks for. He doesn't even pretend to work any more, just attends fundraisers and lets his sycophants in Congress and in the media lie, slander, and propagandize for whoever is really doing the scheming.

[He just relaxes while letting Karl Rove and Dick Cheney do all the heavy lifting. Why strain yourself when you can just relax in the mornings with a nice cup of java while laughing over the latest DUmmie FUnnies edition?]

We've lost, folks. eventually we will get angry enough and the neocons' reign will end in a similar fashion to (best case) the Shah or Papa Doc or Pinochet, or (worst case) Hitler or Mussolini. That's a long way off though. The worst president in history gets one vote of confidence after another, and NO ONE can stop him.

[None can stop the Bush Family Evil Empire juggernaut!]

It's not October, but this was quite a surprise.

[We thought we would surprise you with the September Surprise.]

Go get drunk or something.

[Happy Hour at Bukowski's will be extended today.]

We just need to get out the word the republicans are the party of unending war and torture, all the time diverting our tax $ to global fascists.

[Read all about it in TruthOut!]

That's why a Mussolini-like ending is more likely for the 4th Reich than any other.

[So you will be hanging Li'l Beaver by his toes?]

Bush's rating is very low with the majority against him

[A little Diebold programming can fix that.]

John Murtha as Speaker of the House. John Conyers as head of the House Judiciary Committee. Harry Reid as Senate Majority Leader.

[...John Kerry as President on Jan. 20, 2005.]

I heard all that defeatistism before the 05 elections. Dems won BIG in VA, OH and CA despite your hardest efforts to make everyone concede before the election even happened. I don't know if it bums you out or not, but we can and do win elections.

[DUmmiecrats translate the retention of seats into winning.]

Um Did you ever consider that the '05 Elections was the couple of bucks THEY LET YOU WIN? Can you not get this? You can be sure you are going to lose 20's and 50's in November. They will not lose where it counts. That is not defeatism. That is the reality of the criminality you face. To deny it, means you've already lost.

[Correct. We allowed you to retain a few minor offices in '05 just so you would bet whatever sanity you have left this year.]

Never !!!! I will not yield, I will not bow, I will not surrender. We will stop this insanity that has consumed our nation. Have heart my friend and fight. Vote, get those that believe to vote ! Vote for change. It is our duty. We owe it to this nation.

[Good news! I just fedexed you a brand new Guy Fawkes costume.]

Take it from a guy who had some terrible things happen to him in his childhood from ages 2-5, never give in. Always question and hold those responsible accountable. The tide will turn. The lies, the misdeeds, the sheer greed of this administration will be revealed. I wish DEATH (be it political or accidental, not assassination) upon THE TRAITORS of this great nation and humanity.

[Please maintain that great attitude while Lucy adjusts her football.]

I will fight in this life and in the afterlife and you will too. The truth is our weapon and it is vastly more powerful then you have surmised. Our job now is to get it out there. Burn cd's and dvd's of the lies and show them to everyone you know. Tell them to stop watching sports and sitcoms and pay attention. Our way of life is threatened, not by a foreign enemy, but by one that is domestic and our job is not to capitulate and accept it, but to fight it for we will defend our nation from all enemies be they foreign or domestic.

[And I bet you burned a lot of V For Vendetta dvd's.]

Yep!.....Its over. Too many wussy dems. Even a takover of the House, the Senate, or both will be meaningless. There won't be any investigations. Nobody will be held to account for their war crimes, and nothing will change. There will always be just enough turncoat dems to make sure that the fascists get everything they want. We're f*cked!

[You just put a smile on benburch's face.]

As the numbers go, there aren't enough seats up for grabs in November to make any difference at all even if we win every one of them. Because there are still too many traitors within our own party who don't have to run for office this year.

[Give up all hope...NOW!]

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

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p.s. Check out what one of our happy customers had to SAY about the amazing helicopter kite.

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Absurd N-Word Accuser Of The Day

The racial slur charges against Virginia Senator George Allen have gotten so riduculous that they have reached the point of high comedy and will probably now HELP him. It turns out that the Democrats have overplayed their hand. Not content to let the obscure M-Word charge (who knew before that "Macaca" is a slur?), the MULTIPLE allegations of George Allen using the N-word have suddenly come tumbling out of the closet with such a roar you would almost think that every other word that Allen said during the 1970s was the N-word. Of course, even though Allen has been in the public eye for about a dozen years, not a PEEP has been said before over these slurs he supposed uttered over and over and over again. And now, on the heels of Larry Sabato declaring for certain that he heard (second hand thru others) Allen using the N-word comes the most absurd slur report of them all from the "esteemed" New York Times. Here it is: the latest racial slur word accusation against Allen comes from an ACTIVE Virginia Democrat who claimed via a forwarded e-mail to the Times that she heard Allen REPEATEDLY using this slur word directed against Washington Redskins (isn't "Redskins" a slur word?) running back, Larry Brown, on election night 1976. I kid you not. Unfortunately for the author of the forwarded e-mail, Ellen G. Hawkins, there was no corroboration of her accusation that supposedly took place in a very public setting and her former husband who was also at the same 1976 party has declined to comment. As a result of these incredibly slim pickings that the "unbiased" New York Times saw fit to publish, the DUmmies have now convinced themselves that George Allen is finished as you can see in this THREAD titled, "It's over for Allen: NYT : he made racist comments about black Redskins." In addition, the Huffington Post HUffies have also gleefully leapt upon this non-story in this THREAD. So let us now watch the DUmmies and HUffies rejoice over a report based on less than nothing in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, who lost any chance for a career in politics because he used the slur word "Redskins" repeatedly when living in the D.C. area years ago, is in the [brackets]:

It's over for Allen: NYT : he made racist comments about black Redskins

[He called them "Redskins?" Yes, that's definitely a slur according to current standards.]

Specifically, Larry Brown. In Northern VA you DON'T diss Larry Brown.

[George Allen was so angry at Larry Brown that, as governor, he appointed Brown to the board of visitors at George Mason University.]


[Thanx for posting that NY Times comedy link. Here are some of the laugh lines posted in their article jokingly titled, "New Report That Senator Uttered Slurs."

"Mrs. Hawkins, who described herself as a rural Virginia housewife and an active Democrat, said in an interview Tuesday that she heard Mr. Allen use the slur repeatedly at a party on election night in 1976."

"She described her recollections in an e-mail message forwarded to The New York Times."

"Her former husband, who she said was at the party, did not return a call for comment."]

And we haven't even BEGUN to tally up his ANTI-SEMETIC remarks!

[Nor his anti-Swedish remarks.]

Fundy wacko KKK Christian types subscribe to the same belief most Orthodox and Conservative Jewish authorities adhere to

[Sorry, the proper spelling is "FUndie."]

By all accounts he treated them with respect... and appointed them to leadership positions on the team and coaching staff. This point suggests that he was not a racist. Who knows for sure? You can't prove a negative.

[And yet he somehow let his son get away with constantly using the N-word? Sorry, does NOT compute.]

And I'll come clean here that I didn't like Allen as a coach because of the way he treated Sonny Jurgensen. That's STILL a sore spot.

[That settles it then. I am now against George Allen because his father was anti-Swedish. In fact I am now going to inform Charles Henrickson of the Swedish Anti-Defamation League about this matter.]

Why didn't anyone pounce on his racism the first time he ran? It seems extremely blatant with this guy. I suppose he has to wear a Klansman outfit for people to finally get it.

[You hit the nail on the head. With ALL these accusations against George Allen, why hadn't they EVER come out BEFORE?]

I don't know how true it is, but yesterday I heard several
reporters on TV saying that Va. USED to be alot more "southern" than it is today. Believe me, there's still a LOT of racism and prejudice in todays South, no matter what the media of the gov't tries to tell you.

[I lived in Virginia for a couple of years in the 1970s and can't recall anybody (other than black people) using the N-word. By that time it was considered low class for any white person to use such a word. And yet we somehow are led to believe by professional Democrats that George Allen used that word REPEATEDLY.]

Lizza and others have pointed to other "signs" suggestive of Allen's "race problem," such as a Confederate flag he used to display in his home that was part of a flag collection. Allen also had a noose hanging from a ficus tree in his law office that was part of his Western collection and symbolic of his tough attitude toward crime.

[And then there was that slur word of a team name that his father coached: Redskins.]

Lester Mattox and other "Dixiecrats" led the mass migration of the angry white male to the southern Republican party.

[Lester Maddox never became a Republican although it is possible that Lester Mattox did.]

The name of the team itself is racist!

[And any politician who ever attended a Redskins game should be tossed out of office.]

Well for a white southerner who grew up in the 60's & 70's....
to claim that he never used the infamous "N-word" strains the credulity of even the most dedicated freepers.

[60s maybe but 70s, no. By the 1970s it was completely taboo although I am sure a lot of low class whites used it. Somehow I don't think it was part of the vocabulary of a son of the coach of an NFL team. He would have been shunned for using such a word. And now on to the POSTINGS of the HUffies over the latest absurd allegations.]

Mr. Allen, after your electoral defeat in November, your are cordially invited to leave Virginia. You are an unwelcome guest now having overstayed your welcome. Please do not return.

[Just in case anyone has forgotten, the accusations against George Allen are ALL about politics.]

Show me someone who says they remember what someone else said 30 years ago...and I'll show you Filthy Damn Liar.

[Maybe she had one of those Roseanne Barr suppressed memories based on things that never happened.]

I guess it's just a big ol' coincidence that the people who supposedly "overheard" Allen are ALL hardcore Democrat activists. Just a big ol' coincidence.

[Just a big ol' coincidence.]

We don't really need to go farther than Macaca, do we? And we all heard that. Why, he even said it twice. What a guy!

[The M-word that few knew even existed.]

The Dems using Rovian tactics, it's about f*cking time. Smear all the bastards.

[YEAH! Smear them even if there is no truth to the allegations. YEEEEEHAWWWWW!!!]

The problem is not so much that Allen used racial alurs (bad enough) but that we have someone credible saying that he is lying about it.

[Yeah, real credible witness there. A Democrat activist who SUDDENLY remembers something from 30 years ago. Meanwhile there is no corroboration from anybody else who was at the same party. Not even from her ex-husband who REFUSES to comment.]

Rove probably set this whole thing up to make sure the GOP base knows they're thinking alike. It's a rallying call for their type of voter.

[Rove probably set these dopey charges up just to demonstrate how absurd they are.]

As a white Alabamian born in the 50's I can say that the N word has always had bad connotations.

[Which is why in Virginia of the 1970s it was rarely used. And yet we are supposed to believe that George Allen used it all the time. Of course, no one ever noticed it until NOW.]

Anyone remember when Dan Blathers pulled a similar stunt on 60 Minutes when he reported on fake documnents that President had been AWOL?

[Mrs. Hawkins' accusation is fake but accurate.]

The Democrats have overstepped the line again. You watch as this backfires on them and explodes in their faces. Just watch."

[BINGO!!! And isn't strange how all these accusers "just happen" to be Democrat activists.]

The GOP is the McDonalds of racism. Millions served daily. You could put Allen in a mold and then take out the entire Republican party. They hate black people, look to Katrina and how they watched them drown and did nothing.

[Thus spaketh another Democrat activist.]

Thanks for the giving us the Senate Rethugs. It's going to make inpeachment REALLY sweet.

[But, of course, Pelosi and Reid keep telling us that impeachment isn't even on their agenda.]

The following people also heard Sen Allen use the "n-word". All have been checked out and found credible by The Huffington Post.

1. Bill-New York
2. David-Los Angeles
3. Tyrone-Washington, D.C.
4. Yolanda-Washington, D.C.
5. Enrique-Miami
6. Osama-Afghanistan/Pakistan
7. Jesus-San Antonio
8. Jesus-Nazareth
9. Herbert-Chicago
10.Walter-Sioux City
14. Michelle-Atlanta
15. Ray-New Orleans
16. Tom-Houston
17. Al-New York
18. Jesse-St. Paul
19. Hillary-Illinois/Arkansas/New York
20 Bill-Arkansas/Moscow/WashDC/New York
21. La'Quinisha-Harlem
22. Jer'ome L'Roy-East St.Louis
23. Hugo-Caracas
24. Fidel-Havana
25. Jack-San Diego

[The full name of the latter accuser is Jack In The Box.]

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

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Wednesday, September 27, 2006

The Reality Based Community Consults The Crystal Ball

Please forgive me! When writing the first sample chapter of my proposed DUmmie FUnnies book (publishers, please don't worry about embarrassing me with an extravagant cash advance when you contact me at: PJ-COMIX) titled THE REALITY BASED COMMUNITY, I neglected to mention that there is a DUmmie discussion group called, "Astrology, Spirituality & Alternative Healing Group." Yes, the "Children of the Enlightenment," have just such a hocus pocus group replete with threads with titles like "Any Reiki healers in the house?" "Uranus in Pisces, Neptune in Aquarius, everything is back assward," "The Ascending Cosmic Pulse, and "Vedic Astrologer says Bush is out of office in 2007." However, not to worry. As I stated in the forward of that sample chapter, I plan to expand most of the chapters so I will definitely be updating "The Reality Based Community," chapter with the treasures found in the hocus pocus DUmmie discussion group. In celebration of this find, let me now DUFU one of the hocus pocus threads titled, Let's do another PREDICTION thread! So let us now join the Reality Based Community as they consult their crystal ball and make predictions in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, predicting that a DUmmie FUnnies book would be a best seller because of the hilarious gems mined from DUmmieland and because of the innovative CD-ROM insert material that I plan to include with the book, is in the [brackets]:

Let's do another PREDICTION thread!

[And toss reality to the wind...YIPPEE!!!]

I'll start.
I predict:

[...a really FUnnie DUmmie FUnnies edition based on this DUmmie prediction thread.]

The GOP will lose a lot of ground in November, and although it won't be a complete sweep, Democrats will gain the house by a narrow margin. The tide of public opinion has turned against Bush and his buddies, at last. I don't have to predict that, though; it has already happened. Public opinion is peculiar, and has a life and momentum of its own. Mostly, it is negative - whenever it can be against someone, it moves with great speed and with its own strength.

[Call me skeptical but you overlooked the Diebold machines pre-programmed to steal the election from you again.]

Al Gore is enjoying his current celebrity status and is considering, briefly, with a re-match. He will think better of it and decide not to run. He will make this announcement very soon.


The Bush Cabal has been very good at keeping the major damage being done to high level persons out of the media; most people don't even know about the stuff that has gone down (sorry if I sound vaguely flip tonight; I'm tired.), but several people are in serious legal trouble. Rove, for example, will be indicted for something - not sure what - and there are at least a dozen others who will be in hot legal fires by the end of the year. Many will resign.

[Finally a prediction we can have confidence in. Karl Rove has already been indicted last May 12. Didn't you hear about it?]

Bush needs to take care of his health, also; I predict he will be feeling rather down in November/December.

[From eating too much stuffing at the happy Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners.]

OK - how about some other predictions, people! ????

[I predict that the DUmmies will continue to provide me with HILARIOUS material for my DUmmie FUnnies book. I predict that I won't blush in embarrassment if a major publisher offers me a HUGE cash advance for the book.]

Do you see a Dem win in 2008?

[Yes. I definitely see a Dem win in 2008 for the office of dogcatcher.]

I don't know about 2008 yet. There is a veil of sadness around the white house in my visions; I don't understand it yet, but it is there. And I'm having a lot of 1960s feelings.

[It's those acid flashbacks again.]

I predict that the GOP will retain its hold on both House and Senate, and possibly pick up a few seats. Democratic leadership will be saddened, but will tell their supporters to support the President and the newly elected Congress.


There will be scattered reports of voter fraud or vote machine malfunctions on Election Day, but they will be dismissed as the ravings of a few crank Democrats.

[You don't need a crystal ball to predict that.]

I hope I'm wrong. But I see the same kind of complacency that I saw in 2002 and 2004, the certainty that Democrats would gain back some power and where are we today?

[Waiting to kick Lucy's football again.]

I can't make any predictions because I see a number of ways this could work out (Libra moon).

[I see a number of ways this could work out Uranus.]

I so much hope I'm wrong, but I honestly believe that we will wake up on November 8th to discover that the House and Senate are not merely still in Republican hands, but their numbers have actually increased.

[Die bold prediction.]

Osama is not out there. He is long gone. If he ever existed. A boogy man.

[He never left the North Pole where he works with the elves. Ho! Ho! Ho!]

I get images of very focused people--archers and torchbearer archetypes--lining up for battles. Not heroic leaders so much as multitudes of warriors. Time for action. I think we're going to see some shake-ups.


Gore is secretive and cool about 08, not laying his cards out. The crystal ball is cloudy. I think there's about a 50-50 chance he'll go for it. He'll have to be pushed by a tsunami of support. Though Gore is an Aries sun, I see a lot of water around him right now. He knows how to become 'like a mirror' now. Difficult lesson for an Aries.

[I always thought that Al Gore was an Eery Uranus.]

If the Dems win the House and Senate... or even just the House, the Pukes will see the end coming when Dems get subpoena power. They'll put tremendous pressure on Bush and Cheney to resign between election day and the day the new Congress comes in, so that Hastert would be Pres instead of potentially Pelosi. The deal-clincher will be promises of pardons for everyone involved, because they're already running scared even when they currently hold all the power. Of course, that would be the doom on any further political career for Hastert but he's getting old and will be well taken care of anyway.

[Was that prediction inspired by crack or acid?]

There are many great psychics, tarot readers, etc. on this board and I'm curious whether the people posting are drawing on those talents and if so, what the prediction source is. So please, I request you let us know whether your prediction is based on reading real tea leaves or metaphorical political tea leaves.

[Reading chicken entrails is considered the most scientific way of making nonsense predictions. However, metaphorical chicken entrails can be substituted for the messy real ones.]

My predictions are totally empathic, and like most emotional responses, are not always on the mark. I've learned from experience, though, to listen to my vibes.

[That inner vibe you're hearing is probably just a rogue fart.]

I believe that there are powerful people on our side working in secret to take back our country. There is a figure, a multi-billionaire who will be funding this operation, and who will start using the court system to take down these neo-cons one by one when the time is right. He has an army of investigators and lawyers who are filling files with the illegal doings and money laundering of those in high office with connections to the PNAC.

[Oh go ahead and just name this multi-billionaire---George Soros.]

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

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p.s. Check out what one of our happy customers had to SAY about the amazing helicopter kite.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

DUmmies Underwhelmed By Joe Biden's Presidential Candidacy Announcement

The first of the contenders for the Democrat nomination for president in '08 announced his candidacy this past weekend and hardly anyone noticed. The few people who did notice were notably underwhelmed, whether they be of the Left or Right. Perhaps this is because the newly announced candidate is the blowhard serial plagiarizer with the tranplanted Chia-Pet hair that few (except himself) take seriously---Senator Joe Biden. Personally, I am happy that Joe Biden is going to run because his histrionic antics will provide a WEALTH of comedic material for the DUmmie FUnnies. In fact, I am currently looking for Biden's best comedy performance ever. It is a video from about 20 years ago when during a Senate Foreign Relations Committee hearing, Biden had a nervous breakdown implosion while questioning then Secretary of State George Shultz about Africa policy. It has to be SEEN to be believed. If found, this video will definitely hit the top of the YouTube chart for popular videos. So my homework assignment for you DUFU fans out there is to locate that Biden Meltdown video so I can post the link an an update to this edition of the DUmmie FUnnies. Even if Biden had the slightest of chances to be nominated, that video alone would knock him out of contention. You don't want a President with his finger on the nuclear button if he acts like he needs to be institutionalized as is the case with Biden in the video. Of course, that damning video won't be necessary to keep him from the presidency since Bidens long record of blow hard histrionics has turned off even the Left as you can see in this DUmmie THREAD titled, "Biden says he's going to run." So let us now watch even the DUmmies look upon Biden with complete disdain in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, wondering why I am the first PJ-Comix in a thousand generations to have a web blog, is in the [brackets]:

Biden says he's going to run

[And almost nobody noticed.]

Sen. Joe Biden, D-Del., bucked a trend by announcing his intention to run for president over the weekend - distinguishing himself from other visiting hopefuls who have dodged the question on their respective visits to Iowa.

[Yeah. The trend is that you wait until at least AFTER the mid-term elections before announcing your candidacy. Of course, such an unspoken rule does not apply to egotistic blowhards that love to hear the sound of their own voices talking about nothing in general.]

Biden swept through eastern Iowa on Sept. 23, stumping and raising money for Democratic congressional hopeful Dave Loebsack during a two-day tour of the state.

[Loebsack? Any relation to the equally unknown Tom Vilsack?]

"I'm coming back next year to do something else," Biden said near the end of his speech in Cedar Rapids, referring to next fall's run-up to Iowa's January 2008 caucuses, which signal the official start of the presidential election cycle.

[Biden is coming back to Iowa next year to deliver another long-winded, possibly plagiarized speech.]

Delaware's senior senator touched on health care, the minimum wage, the balance of power in Congress, and the overall direction of the country to the crowd of roughly 40 Democratic supporters.

[Most of the 40 were probably there to chow down on the free eats, not to listen to the Senatorial Chia Pet endlessly pontificate to death subjects they aren't paying attention to.]

blah. The less you know about Biden the better he looks.

[But the more you know about Biden the FUnnier he looks.]

Biden is poll worthy.. That is, if anyone cares to do a poll about him running..

[I have noticed that polls about prospective Democrat presidential candidates rarely include Biden in the listings. Maybe his candidacy announcement is Biden's way of declaring, "Hey, looky me! I EXIST!!!"]

The only support Biden will get is from a jockstrap.

[Extra-large if it is John Kerry's jockstrap. John Kerry wants you to know he wears an EXTRA-LARGE jockstrap.]

He's running on a platform of appeasement. A sure winner. F*ck Biden and everything about him. He has NO spine.

[Does this mean that you don't like Joe Biden?]

Biden can kiss my happy backside! Freakin' bloviating blowhard.

[Hey, it sounds like Pied Piper Pitt can get a job with the Biden campaign. Freakin' bloviating blowhards are known to bond right away.]

I know someone who went to Syracuse Law with him who said his reputation was that he was not smart at all. Where did this idea that he was smart come from?

[From Joe Biden.]

War on Plagiarism Threat Level: Red: Severe Risk

[LOL! Even DUmmies sometimes come up with FUnnie laugh lines on purpose.]

He hasn't got the proverbial snowball's chance in hell.

[True. But he will be a great unintentional supplier of comedy material for the DUmmie FUnnies so I welcome Joe into the '08 presidential race.]

Just how out of touch with reality is he?

[Shhh! Don't discourage Joe. He is an impressive candidate in his own mind.]

Is this why he rushes toward any available camera?

[He wants to show off the progress of his Chia Pet hair.]

The most dangerous place in America, is between
Joe Biden and a television camera...

[Did Joe run over Chuck Schumer?]

Oh brother....I'll look forward to his preening and posturing..

[Me too!]

Every time Biden opens his mouth it just seems way more obviously calculating and designed to get him press and attention than it does for most other people. I am not naive and realize this is the case with most politicians but with Biden I just think he's so shitty at hiding it.

[Joe finds it impossible to hide his narcissism.]

Joe, put the bong down, Joe.

[And have a hit from the crack pipe.]

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

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Monday, September 25, 2006

"What happens if 2006 elections are stolen again?"

In yet another sign that the ABSOLUTE confidence of the DUmmies in election victory of just a few weeks ago has evaporated is this THREAD titled, "What happens if 2006 elections are stolen again?" In fact, it now seems as if the DUmmies are absolutely confident that they will be losing the elections this November. That's what happens when you believe the absolutely MEANINGLESS midsummer polls. Most people are either vacationing or are in a vacation mood. Their thoughts are on matters much more relaxed than politics. So if a pollster breaks the relaxed mood with annoying questions about policy and politics, many normal victims will attempt to brush off the intruder with answers designed mainly to cut short the interview so as to quickly return to the summertime reverie. Now that the polls are closer to reflecting reality, the DUmmies perceive a shift away from them which has caused panic in the Leftwing ranks. The talk has gone from victory to REVOLUTION in the streets. So let us now watch the DUmmies promulgating their post-election revolution from their keyboards in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, noting significantly increased activity from the red ants in his DUmmie Ant farm as the election approaches, is in the [brackets]:

What happens if 2006 elections are stolen again?

[What do you mean "if"?]

What is a person to do? I took the whole week off, because I will hit the streets. But, I'm not so sure what people will do-after all these elections have been tainted for 6 years at least.

[I would have loved to have been there when you asked your boss for that "vacation" time: "I would like to take a week off after the election because I want to riot in the streets to bring down the system if the election is stolen from us."]

I predict a revolution. It's our duty as patriotic Americans.

[Even mandatory...if you are a DUmmie.]

i welcome a revolution, sadly though I predict, nothing will happen. the grumbling will get a little louder, the republicans will keep their stolen offices. america will continue its fall into fascism.

[You are correct. NOTHING will happen because the DUmmies will find that pile of empty pizza cartons blocking their basement doorways too great of a barrier to be breached.]

The outrage will fade away, and the country will sink further into tyranny.

[Karl Rove has already ensured smooth pizza delivery post-election in order to prevent any revolution.]

As a patriotic American, what are you doing in the "revolution"? Be as precise as possible because I don't want to lump you with the rest of the keyboard jockeys that bluster and growl and then sit in front of their monitors complaining that the "sheeple" haven't taken the streets.

[A keyboard jockey supplied with a steady stream of pizzas is highly unlikely to take to the streets. Their biggest activity will be to shake red peppers on the pepperonis floating on a sea of cheese and tomato.]

Just Yesterday. I was saying I don't know how I will get out of bed 11/8 if that happens. It seems to me that it is more imperative than ever that we win by landslides. Won't it be harder to steal an election that is a landslide?

[No. The Diebold machines are set with a variable factor. No matter what the count for the Democrats, Republicans will always remain a constant two points ahead of them. So go back to bed and STAY there.]

i dont think its much harder for them to steal a landslide
just more obvious. but i dont think they care. win, by any means, might makes right.


I afraid you are right. And most "landslides" are by less than
ten percentage points. Al Gore won by a "landslide," and so did John Kerry.

[John Kerry won by a landslide? Oh, yeah. I forgot how he won in the exit polls by a landslide.]

Meet in DC. If Mexican voters can turn out in mass protest, we can, too.

[Maybe you can form an alternative government like they did.]

The Battlin' Congressional Dems will lie on the couch with a cold beer and watch TV.

[And pizza. Please don't forget the all-important pizza.]

The Democrats will be told to shut the f*ck up or be sent to Gitmo.

[Or the nearest Wal-Mart detention center.]

Democrats were so certain that Kerry was going to beat Bush in 2004 and even went to bed thinking he had won. We are so certain now that we will take control of one, or both, of the houses of Congress. There are even those who are already planning what will be done to Bush when the Democrats take over. Imagine the shock and surprise if the Republicans retain control and Democrats have to watch them strut and become sick as we have to listen to them claim this is an affirmation of the Bush policies.

[All is going according to the Vast Rovian Plan.]

Likely, they'll Diebold in Hillary (or someone like her) in '08 to throw a few sops at us, on social policy. Bushite crime will be covered up.

[Karl Rove has already Diebolded Hillary in as your '08 nominee. So enjoy the pizza and accept the INEVITABLE.]

We cannot prevent Stolen Election III. But we sure can put the kibosh on electronic voting by refusing to vote on the Machines--and thus save the '08 primaries and general election from secret corporate vote tabulation. We can FORCE reform NOW. We can stun local/state election officials with our rebellion. We can put election reform activists at the table, with our demand that they restore TRANSPARENT elections.

[ABSOLUTELY!!! If you see an electronic voting machine at your local precinct---DON'T VOTE!!! That'll show those EVIL Republicans!]

Americans are not Mexicans! If we were, we would be occupying the largest public plaza in the country in opposition to the regime that stole the election.

[Maybe you could occupy the largest public pizza.]

Exactly what revolutionary acts will you perform when you "hit the streets. Stand on a corner with a sign and a bullhorn?

[Didn't that work for the lovely couple in the pic above?]

We all could have asked the same question "What will we do if the *** elections are stolen" in 2002 and 2004. Many of us did, and to our dismay, we're staring at another stolen election in 2006 and probably yet another one in 2008.

[And 2010.]

If the election is stolen again, I may never be able to go back to work. When it was swiped in '04, I nearly lost my job due to my surly demeanor. I'm afraid it will only get worse if it happens again so I may as well take to the streets and call the bums out.

[Was your BDS, Bush Derangement Syndrome, covered by your company's health insurance?]


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p.s. Check out what one of our happy customers had to SAY about the amazing helicopter kite.

Saturday, September 23, 2006

The Reality Based Community

(This is the first of a series of sample chapters from my proposed DUmmie FUnnies book that I will be posting in the near future. These chapters will be randomly posted in no particular order and are subject to further expansion if necessary. If you would like to make some input about these book chapters, feel free to do so. It is my hope that by posting these sample book chapters, it might bring the proposed DUFU book to the attention of the publishers. Remember, I intend to also make full use of a CD-ROM insert that will provide animated cartoons and song parodies to go along with the book. If you are a book publisher so overwhelmed by the possibilities of a DUmmie FUnnies book, you can contact me at: PJ-Comix. Please don't worry about embarrassing me with a HUGE book advance.)

One of the things that the DUmmies are most proud of is their supposed rationality in strong contrast to what they consider the base superstitions of the "rightwingers." They have particular scorn for people who practice Christianity as based on the Bible whom they regularly castigate as "fundies." However, despite this self-image as Children of the Enlightenment, when you scratch just beneath the surface, it turns out that the DUmmies themselves have superstitious belief systems that makes backwoods Appalachian snake handlers seem rational by comparison. One of the most popular DUmmie FUnnies editions ever was one from January 2005 called The Hopi Elders Speak in which the "Children of the Enlightment" take much consolation over a Hopi Indian prayer to help them get over the loss of the 2004 election.

This has been my morning meditation for the past year, a gift from a Montana friend. It has really taken on much more meaning in the last few months as, first, I worked as a campaign volunteer; and, later, as I have pondered what (we) can really do to overcome the turn for the bad that our country has taken.

Yes, isn't nice that this DUmmie gets his solace, not from a superstition-laden Western religion, but from a Hopi belief system. This should not really surprise people who follow the foibles of the Left since they will almost always choose worshipping a green pot-bellied Buddha over anything that hints at being Biblical. The way to a DUmmie's hear (bypassing his limited brain) is via any Eastern or primitive religion, no matter how far fetched it may be. So let us now hear what the Hopi Elders are saying to the DUmmies in their hour of greatest distress:

You have been telling the people that this

is the Eleventh Hour.
Now you must go back and tell the people

that this is The Hour.

Here are the things that must be considered:
Where are you living?
What are you doing?

What are your relationships?
Are you in right relation?
Where is your water?

Know our garden.
It is time to speak your Truth.

Create your community.
Be good to each other.
And do not look outside yourself for the leader.

Does this sound suspiciously New Agey? Could perhaps even Billy Jack himself have composed this prayer? If you harbor such suspicions, you might not be too far off the mark.

Create your community.
Be good to each other.
And do not look outside
yourself for the leader.

Know the river has its destination.

The elders say we must let go of the shore,

push off toward the middle of the river,
keep our eyes open, and our heads above the water.
See who is there with you and celebrate.

At this time in history,

we are to take nothing personally,
least of all ourselves!
For the moment we do,
our spiritual growth and journey
comes to a

When not turning to Aquarian sounding Hopi prayers for inspiration, the DUmmies will consult the astrological charts for the latest political trends as happened on July 14, 2005 when they inquired, Astrologers: What's in Karl Rove's chart? Here are some of the answers provided by the "reality based community":

For Asteroid watchers: Nemesis is currently at 5 degrees Cancer -- conjunct the USA's conquering "manifest destiny" Jupiter and "gimme bling-bling" Venus. For Karl Rove (chart) watchers, Nemesis already opposing his progressed "I'm a radical reformer" Uranus and is creeping ever closer to oppose his natal Uranus. Nemesis demands an accounting for arrogance. Uranus is that proverbial reversal of fortune. Rove's Capricorn Sun (3 degrees of the sign) was sorely impacted by the Cancer Solstice and Full Moon of June 20-21, 2005. So was his Chiron at 0 Capricorn. Right there in what we call "solsticial degree." This points to a profound wounding of and to power and authority....

So was this clear to you or do you just want to tell this DUmmie that there is a full moon rising in Uranus? In case you think the DUmmies are just kidding around about using astrology to determine Karl Rove's future, the astrological explanations get even more detailed:

Mars transited KKKarl's Uranus oppostion Venus when the news broke earlier this week that he was the leaker. More to come..but it's likely to be lies...and the * administration always releases bad news on Fridays or the weekend so it gets buried. The April 14 eclipse point which was at 19 Aries is transited by Mars on Sunday opposition to 19 Libra which just happens to be KKKarl's Neptune and Part of Fortune. Mars/Neptune combinations are associated with poison and lies. Get ready for an avalanche of poisonous attacks (Sunday news shows) to save KKKarl's arse. Unfortunately Neptune conjunct part of fortune are associated with windfalls of luck.

Huh? Still can't figure out what the hell they are talking about? Well, let the reality based community of the Left clarify it even more:

Possible indictment around July 18. Mercury (news) will conjunct natal Pluto (destruction) in the 1st. Pluto (destruction) will square the natal North Node in the 9th (courts) and the natal South Node (trouble) in the 3rd (news). North Node in the 9th (courts) and South Node (trouble) in the 3rd (news) squares natal Mercury (news). If jail is in his future, it won't come until next April when Neptune (lies) ruling the 9th (courts) opposes his Pluto (destruction) in his 1st. Mars - ruler of his 10th (power) - will be conjuncting Uranus (unexpected) - ruler of the 8th (death) - in the 12th (incarceration)Saturn (loss) will have just crossed his Ascendant.

Um, well...thanks. I think. The only problem was there wasn't a "possible" nor probable indictment on July 18 especially since on June 12 of the following year it was announced there would be NO indictment of Karl Rove. As an encore, I leave you this final highly detailed astrological observation for you to ponder:

The difference is that the Ascendant shifts to 1'23" Sag, putting Pluto into the first. Mars-Jupiter opp is now house 4 to 10, Solar return Sun, the focus of the T
square, is now in a huge 8th house (Placidus) that spans 5 Cancer to 23 Leo and includes Saturn, Venus and Mercury. (I can't imagine any astrologer suggesting he flee to this chart as a better alternative.) North Node at 18 Aries is bearing down on that 16 Aries Mars, btw.

Do we see a trend here? It seems that the reality based community is more than willing to embrace superstitious beliefs while simultaneously frowning upon biblically based religions. One such example was on February 18, 2005 when a certain DUmmie complained that Alaska Airlines now giving out prayers with dinner. The high crime in question
was receiving a dinner card on which psalm 107.1 was printed:

I'm so disgusted I'm beside myself.

However, despite seeming to be anti-religion, this DUmmie wants to let us know that he thinks the prayer cards should be more inclusive so as to provide for religious diversity:

They're not providing blessings for every Hindu, Buddhist, Zoroastrian or other
flavor out there. THAT is why this is offensive.

You left out Wiccan and Druid but I understand the point. Of course, many DUmmies just want to flat out BAN religion as you can see posted on August 2, 2006---Should religion be outlawed?

Should religion be outlawed as it seems to be at the epicenter of most of the worlds strife. What exactly is the purpose of it. If it is so good why so much bad comes of it.

Not wanting to sound completely intolerant of all religions, there was also this thoughtful addendum:

But I say only the Western Regligions (Islam, Christianity, Judaism)

I'm sure after some careful introspection, this DUmmie would take Islam off the ban list. See, the strange thing is that despite the efforts of strict Muslims to restrict almost every detail of your life including making women cover their faces, forbidding women to drive, and even prohibiting listening to various types of Western music, the DUmmies are full of tolerance for that intolerant creed. And while giving Muslims a pass, they accuse the "fundies" of wanting to institute those same restrictions. So in order to stop the EVIL "fundies" here are some legislative proposals put forward by the DUmmies:

1. no minor should be allowed to possess a religious text, participate in a religious ritual or enter a church

2. no adult should be allowed to possess a religious text without taking a course in comparative
world religion at the first year university level, and all such courses should be taught by Unitarians or Atheists.

And who would be so absurd as to want to legislate these absurd restrictions into law? Some professional atheist? Stay with me Dear Reader and discover the maybe not so surprising answer:

I've actually taught graduate studies as a visiting faculty member at an ivy league divinity school, and I can tell you that the people I taught weren't a danger to anyone. They all were going to have at least 8 years of highly specialized education, and all were forced to learn the texts in the original languages and learn about the way those texts were created, transmitted and copied. These were excellently trained and screened students. No nutjobs among them. Sweet kids. Bright kids.

Yup! An Ivy League Divinity School instructor is making the
case for restricting religious instruction via absurd legislation.

I'm also a practicing High Church Anglican, although it would be more proper to call me a Neo-Platonist, (for example, I do not literally believe in the actual
divinity of Christ, but I do believe in the metaphorical divinity of the philosophy of Christ: the difference between the two positions, to me, is reasonably immaterial. Neither do I believe that "god" exists in the way that say your dining room table exists or is conscious even in the way that your pet is conscious). My parents were and still are strict Atheists and
until I was 18, I never set foot in a church. I think that religion is something that you have to rationally approach and study. It has to be something that is voluntary. To force it on a child is a crime. My children, for example, have never been to a church and were not baptized. If it's something for them, it'll be their decision.

So this same Ivy League Divinity instructor is also a "practicing" High Church Anglican who claims he is really a Neo-Platonist who doesn't even believe in the basis of his religion from which he is "protecting" his children. Yes, this sounds completely screwy but remember, folks, we are talking about the "reality based community" of the Left who seem to be living in an alternate reality not of this dimension.