The Reality Based Community

(This is the first of a series of sample chapters from my proposed DUmmie FUnnies book that I will be posting in the near future. These chapters will be randomly posted in no particular order and are subject to further expansion if necessary. If you would like to make some input about these book chapters, feel free to do so. It is my hope that by posting these sample book chapters, it might bring the proposed DUFU book to the attention of the publishers. Remember, I intend to also make full use of a CD-ROM insert that will provide animated cartoons and song parodies to go along with the book. If you are a book publisher so overwhelmed by the possibilities of a DUmmie FUnnies book, you can contact me at: PJ-Comix. Please don't worry about embarrassing me with a HUGE book advance.)

One of the things that the DUmmies are most proud of is their supposed rationality in strong contrast to what they consider the base superstitions of the "rightwingers." They have particular scorn for people who practice Christianity as based on the Bible whom they regularly castigate as "fundies." However, despite this self-image as Children of the Enlightenment, when you scratch just beneath the surface, it turns out that the DUmmies themselves have superstitious belief systems that makes backwoods Appalachian snake handlers seem rational by comparison. One of the most popular DUmmie FUnnies editions ever was one from January 2005 called The Hopi Elders Speak in which the "Children of the Enlightment" take much consolation over a Hopi Indian prayer to help them get over the loss of the 2004 election.

This has been my morning meditation for the past year, a gift from a Montana friend. It has really taken on much more meaning in the last few months as, first, I worked as a campaign volunteer; and, later, as I have pondered what (we) can really do to overcome the turn for the bad that our country has taken.


Yes, isn't nice that this DUmmie gets his solace, not from a superstition-laden Western religion, but from a Hopi belief system. This should not really surprise people who follow the foibles of the Left since they will almost always choose worshipping a green pot-bellied Buddha over anything that hints at being Biblical. The way to a DUmmie's hear (bypassing his limited brain) is via any Eastern or primitive religion, no matter how far fetched it may be. So let us now hear what the Hopi Elders are saying to the DUmmies in their hour of greatest distress:

You have been telling the people that this

is the Eleventh Hour.
Now you must go back and tell the people
that this is The Hour.

Here are the things that must be considered:
Where are you living?
What are you doing?

What are your relationships?
Are you in right relation?
Where is your water?

Know our garden.
It is time to speak your Truth.

Create your community.
Be good to each other.
And do not look outside yourself for the leader.

Does this sound suspiciously New Agey? Could perhaps even Billy Jack himself have composed this prayer? If you harbor such suspicions, you might not be too far off the mark.

Create your community.
Be good to each other.
And do not look outside
yourself for the leader.

Know the river has its destination.

The elders say we must let go of the shore,

push off toward the middle of the river,
keep our eyes open, and our heads above the water.
See who is there with you and celebrate.


At this time in history,

we are to take nothing personally,
least of all ourselves!
For the moment we do,
our spiritual growth and journey comes to a
halt.

When not turning to Aquarian sounding Hopi prayers for inspiration, the DUmmies will consult the astrological charts for the latest political trends as happened on July 14, 2005 when they inquired, Astrologers: What's in Karl Rove's chart? Here are some of the answers provided by the "reality based community":

For Asteroid watchers: Nemesis is currently at 5 degrees Cancer -- conjunct the USA's conquering "manifest destiny" Jupiter and "gimme bling-bling" Venus. For Karl Rove (chart) watchers, Nemesis already opposing his progressed "I'm a radical reformer" Uranus and is creeping ever closer to oppose his natal Uranus. Nemesis demands an accounting for arrogance. Uranus is that proverbial reversal of fortune. Rove's Capricorn Sun (3 degrees of the sign) was sorely impacted by the Cancer Solstice and Full Moon of June 20-21, 2005. So was his Chiron at 0 Capricorn. Right there in what we call "solsticial degree." This points to a profound wounding of and to power and authority....

So was this clear to you or do you just want to tell this DUmmie that there is a full moon rising in Uranus? In case you think the DUmmies are just kidding around about using astrology to determine Karl Rove's future, the astrological explanations get even more detailed:

Mars transited KKKarl's Uranus oppostion Venus when the news broke earlier this week that he was the leaker. More to come..but it's likely to be lies...and the * administration always releases bad news on Fridays or the weekend so it gets buried. The April 14 eclipse point which was at 19 Aries is transited by Mars on Sunday opposition to 19 Libra which just happens to be KKKarl's Neptune and Part of Fortune. Mars/Neptune combinations are associated with poison and lies. Get ready for an avalanche of poisonous attacks (Sunday news shows) to save KKKarl's arse. Unfortunately Neptune conjunct part of fortune are associated with windfalls of luck.

Huh? Still can't figure out what the hell they are talking about? Well, let the reality based community of the Left clarify it even more:

Possible indictment around July 18. Mercury (news) will conjunct natal Pluto (destruction) in the 1st. Pluto (destruction) will square the natal North Node in the 9th (courts) and the natal South Node (trouble) in the 3rd (news). North Node in the 9th (courts) and South Node (trouble) in the 3rd (news) squares natal Mercury (news). If jail is in his future, it won't come until next April when Neptune (lies) ruling the 9th (courts) opposes his Pluto (destruction) in his 1st. Mars - ruler of his 10th (power) - will be conjuncting Uranus (unexpected) - ruler of the 8th (death) - in the 12th (incarceration)Saturn (loss) will have just crossed his Ascendant.

Um, well...thanks. I think. The only problem was there wasn't a "possible" nor probable indictment on July 18 especially since on June 12 of the following year it was announced there would be NO indictment of Karl Rove. As an encore, I leave you this final highly detailed astrological observation for you to ponder:

The difference is that the Ascendant shifts to 1'23" Sag, putting Pluto into the first. Mars-Jupiter opp is now house 4 to 10, Solar return Sun, the focus of the T
square, is now in a huge 8th house (Placidus) that spans 5 Cancer to 23 Leo and includes Saturn, Venus and Mercury. (I can't imagine any astrologer suggesting he flee to this chart as a better alternative.) North Node at 18 Aries is bearing down on that 16 Aries Mars, btw.

Do we see a trend here? It seems that the reality based community is more than willing to embrace superstitious beliefs while simultaneously frowning upon biblically based religions. One such example was on February 18, 2005 when a certain DUmmie complained that Alaska Airlines now giving out prayers with dinner. The high crime in question
was receiving a dinner card on which psalm 107.1 was printed:

I'm so disgusted I'm beside myself.

However, despite seeming to be anti-religion, this DUmmie wants to let us know that he thinks the prayer cards should be more inclusive so as to provide for religious diversity:

They're not providing blessings for every Hindu, Buddhist, Zoroastrian or other
flavor out there. THAT is why this is offensive.

You left out Wiccan and Druid but I understand the point. Of course, many DUmmies just want to flat out BAN religion as you can see posted on August 2, 2006---Should religion be outlawed?

Should religion be outlawed as it seems to be at the epicenter of most of the worlds strife. What exactly is the purpose of it. If it is so good why so much bad comes of it.

Not wanting to sound completely intolerant of all religions, there was also this thoughtful addendum:

But I say only the Western Regligions (Islam, Christianity, Judaism)

I'm sure after some careful introspection, this DUmmie would take Islam off the ban list. See, the strange thing is that despite the efforts of strict Muslims to restrict almost every detail of your life including making women cover their faces, forbidding women to drive, and even prohibiting listening to various types of Western music, the DUmmies are full of tolerance for that intolerant creed. And while giving Muslims a pass, they accuse the "fundies" of wanting to institute those same restrictions. So in order to stop the EVIL "fundies" here are some legislative proposals put forward by the DUmmies:

1. no minor should be allowed to possess a religious text, participate in a religious ritual or enter a church

2. no adult should be allowed to possess a religious text without taking a course in comparative
world religion at the first year university level, and all such courses should be taught by Unitarians or Atheists.

And who would be so absurd as to want to legislate these absurd restrictions into law? Some professional atheist? Stay with me Dear Reader and discover the maybe not so surprising answer:

I've actually taught graduate studies as a visiting faculty member at an ivy league divinity school, and I can tell you that the people I taught weren't a danger to anyone. They all were going to have at least 8 years of highly specialized education, and all were forced to learn the texts in the original languages and learn about the way those texts were created, transmitted and copied. These were excellently trained and screened students. No nutjobs among them. Sweet kids. Bright kids.

Yup! An Ivy League Divinity School instructor is making the
case for restricting religious instruction via absurd legislation.

I'm also a practicing High Church Anglican, although it would be more proper to call me a Neo-Platonist, (for example, I do not literally believe in the actual
divinity of Christ, but I do believe in the metaphorical divinity of the philosophy of Christ: the difference between the two positions, to me, is reasonably immaterial. Neither do I believe that "god" exists in the way that say your dining room table exists or is conscious even in the way that your pet is conscious). My parents were and still are strict Atheists and
until I was 18, I never set foot in a church. I think that religion is something that you have to rationally approach and study. It has to be something that is voluntary. To force it on a child is a crime. My children, for example, have never been to a church and were not baptized. If it's something for them, it'll be their decision.

So this same Ivy League Divinity instructor is also a "practicing" High Church Anglican who claims he is really a Neo-Platonist who doesn't even believe in the basis of his religion from which he is "protecting" his children. Yes, this sounds completely screwy but remember, folks, we are talking about the "reality based community" of the Left who seem to be living in an alternate reality not of this dimension.