DUmmie FUnnies 01-16-06 (Sherlock Holmes: A Study In DUmmie)

Admit it. When you first started reading Sherlock Holmes books, you quickly fantasized that YOU were Sherlock Holmes using the supreme powers of deductive reasoning to solve cases. Elementary, my dear Watson! Well, with this edition of the DUmmie FUnnies you finally do have the opportunity to don your Sherlock Holmes caps and guess the identity of this DUmmie perpetrator from the clues laid out in this THREAD titled, "A Personal Decision." The Raskolnikov confession and the DUmmie chimings are in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, playing on his violin while ruminating on this case with Doctor Watson, is in the [brackets]:

A Personal Decision

[A "Personal Decision" by a DUmmie who is temporarily posting under the guise of "Temporary SockPuppet." Interesting. Let us allow DUmmie "Temporary SockPuppet" to reveal himself further, Watson...]

THis sockpuppet was created with explicit admin permission and will not be reused.

[Ah. Obviously "Temporary SockPuppet" is known to Skinner. The field narrows...]

I am fear’s hostage.

[Melodramatic writing style. Now who do we know in DUmmieland that writes like that, Watson? Perhaps I shall Stand Up Next to a Mountain while pondering this clue.]

Several years ago, I was wrongly and clandestinely accused of terrible things in two separate incidents. The action appears to have been motivated by petty maliciousness in one case and by fear and racism in the other. The rumors were discussed and believed by literally hundreds of people, including those in administrative and dominant social positions. I found out about both years or months later from people outside the organizations, as no one inside them bothered to confront, warn, or face up to me in person. Prior to this, I was one of the most universally respected persons, but since then I have been stained, and carry a legacy of disgrace. Upon visiting one organization after my direct involvement ended, I heard about the accusation there again from people much younger than me, indicating that when I and the others left, the story and the mark stayed.

[Hmmm...An organization filled with hundreds of people including much younger people who passed the story on to other young people year after year. A school perhaps?]

Though the accusations were never brought to legal ends, I fear that they carry the effect of multiple felony convictions. I believe that should I ever apply for a job that requires a thorough background check, run for public office, or make an enemy of any person, these rumors will spring out of my history, and because they are believed by so many people and I have no means to disprove them, be taken as fact. This won’t ever go away, no matter how old I live to be. It will follow me all the way to my grave.
I’m in a different town now, but I remain surrounded by people involved in both incidents. At any time, should I be recognized publicly, or should someone have a grudge against me, some of the very accusers themselves can step forward and instantly destroy my career prospects, social relationships, and most other aspects of my life beyond hope of repair.

[Our Raskolnikov reveals more. Obviously the incident occurred in a nearby community since the perpetrator is surrounded by people involved in the incidents. Also the suspect thinks he is on his way up and will be tarred by the accusations of the younger folks. Hmmm... The noose tightens, Watson.]

That this has happened and that I cannot escape it shames and angers me. I want to loosen its grip on me, and gain what measure of freedom from the terror and stigma I can.

[A confessional here. First our suspect claims that he "was wrongly and clandestinely accused of terrible things in two separate incidents" but now he confesses that "this has happened." And why be shamed by something that didn't happen? So our Raskolnikov basically admits it DID happen. Meanwhile our Raskolnikov is living in "terror and stigma." Such fear causes desperation such as posting this thread and revealing way too much.]

To that end, I am considering open disclosure and discussion of the incidents with the majority of my friends, so that among them I can move among them without such shame or secrecy. I see no means to eliminate the root problem, as it would require all the accusers, some of whom were never identified to me, to openly confess their falsehood, and for thousands of people all across this state to hear and believe them. I expect that if they hear about this, several of my friends will break contact with me, lose their faith in me, or no longer be trusting and genuine, and that I will not be able to tell with certainty which do and which do not.

[So our DUmmie Raskolnikov wants us to believe that ALL of the accusers were somehow wrong, yet he still feels shame over incidents that supposedly never happened. Delusional Self-denial. A DUmmie trait of which our Raskolnikov possesses in spades.]

I post this here in search of friendly advice and support.

[Our Raskolnikov has made a friendly error here since many of his fellow DUmmies will take us on a trail which can lead to his identity. I suggest we follow this DUmmie trail, Watson.]

Are you somebody we know? That might help.

[I believe you know our DUmmie Raskolnikov only too well and, yes, that would help.]

I think the whole point of the sockpuppet is to hide the identity.

[The specific identity is hidden but a certain bloated self-important writing style shines through.]

Yes, I get that but it sounds frankly egotistical, rather than advice-seeking.

[Egotistical. The field narrows even more...]

Actually, it reminds me of someone, but I won't say who.

[Could you give us a clue on the Next Day When Everything Finally Changed?]

Can you be a little more clear as to the nature of the accusations? Either way, if it is something that you know will come out eventuially, you are better off telling people your side of the story first.

[Confession is good for the DUmmie soul.]

This is just too vague.

[Not for Sherlock Holmes, DUmmie. The clues so far presented are like a roadmap leading to the doorstep of our DUmmie Raskolnikov.]

Bev? Is that you? Or is it someone else with an extremely vague axe to grind?

[Bev Harris is just $10 away from solving this case.]

Vague accusations, claims of victimization, clarity of writing style but not of thought, overwhelming paranoia...

[Except for the bit about "clarity of writing," you just described 99% of DUmmieland.]

Bev fits pretty well. But can a banned member have a sockpuppet? I don't know anyone else whose professional credentials have been sullied via DU. And I don't even know how "racism" fits with Bev since I have no idea what race she was.

[Bev Harris is just $10 away from having a foot race to your wallet.]

I didn't catch the "racism" in the OP; thanks for pointing it out. That could shoot my theory full of holes, couldn't it?

[Methinks the racism comment was thrown in by our Raskalnikov to throw us off his trail. Look for other such diversions.]

Or it could be a red herring.

[BINGO! And this DUmmie wins a Sherlock Holmes Kewpie Doll for having a very brief moment of deductive reasoning.]

This is better than Agatha Christie

[It ranks right up there with Fyodor Dostoevsky and Arthur Conan Doyle.]

I don't think it's Bev or CubanLiberal, neither one would be welcomed back

[Correct. Plus neither could get permission from Skinner to make a Temporary SockPuppet post.]

Just doesn't sound like Bev to me. Sounds too "local" to the physical location of the poster.

[Like a local bar with an angry bouncer?]

See a lawyer, be sure all statutes of limitations have run out
before you confess anything to anybody, if there are criminal accusations involved.

[From the clues thus far presented, I am deducing that the statutes of limitations have MANY years left to run.]

I'm not a lawyer, But I believe you can sue people for slander. Talk to a lawyer.

[Quite a few people in fact. According to our suspect, they are all somehow wrong but he is right even though he is feeling shame for incidents that supposedly never happened.]

OK, going on ZERO information, my question to you
Mr/s.Sockpuppet is this: What in the world could one possibly do that would incur these types of repercussions that could not be handled by a really good, meanassed lawyer? I normally suggest fighting back; clearing one's name. However, this post doesn't give enough information for anyone on this thread to give you decent advice.
Robbed a bank? Accused of rape? What? How can you ask for advice by saying, "I was accused of something?"

[Because this is more of a confessional than seeking advice. This could be preparatory to a PUBLIC revelation in the vain hope that our Raskolnikov could continue with his very public life.]

I have never seen Skinner allow something like this either
I haven't a clue in the world.

[You and 99% of the other DUmmies.]

So have you asked the gang over at FR?
Or are they lurking here waiting to see what we would say?

[Have no fear. This case will be featured on the DUmmie FUnnies.]

Without knowing all the information it is hard to give any kind of advice on what you should do. It also depends on to what extent the accusations against you were. You might think they are worse than they actually are. If it is something such as you stealing the money from the Boy scout troop at your church and 100s of people know about it, I doubt it will destroy your life. Or if you are the one who sold the brown acid at Woodstock, I'm sure people will get over it. Now, if you are Mark David Chapman or Charlie Manson, I have a feeling it might be a little harder to get people trusting you enough for you to make them a cheesecake. Can it really be that bad?

[Perhaps you should ask Scott Ritter that question.]

Asking for personal advice without any real information invites cynicism and suspicion. For future reference.

[Oh, there is more than enough real information (and disinformation) for Sherlock Holmes.]

What face value? That post is 95% gibberish.

[Gibberish as are at least 95% of what I suspect are 95% of our suspect's other writings are. Howevever, never fear. The Truth Will Out.]

Time to come clean. Or get the f*ck out, and stop
annoying us with your vagueness and drama-queenzation. Put up or shut up. It's time.

[Uh-Oh. This isn't what our DUmmie Raskolnikov expected. Hostility from fellow DUmmies.]

Thank you. It might be paranoia. I really hope I'm making far more of this than I actually should, but I've heard about it from so many people in so many places that I think it's spread all around the community and will come back to haunt me.

[DUmmie Temporary SockPuppet nervously chimes in again leaving more clues. Obviously the "rumors" about him (or her but I suspect "him") are already out there. Methinks this could be causing a severe drinking problem for our Temporary SockPuppet as well as loss of sleep.]

Look at it this way...
If you've heard it from so many people in so many places, it can't come "back" to haunt you - it's there. It will haunt you if you let it - come clean with your friends about what happened. Your true friends will not abandon you. As for business/career/political aspirations and slander of your name - talk to a lawyer. You might find it's much ado about nothing.

[Or much ado about something.]

Hey, look...maybe it is, but so what?
Kick it out there and deal with it. Would you rather try to stuff it into hiding, in the past, then have that shit come back and bite you? Check the prophetic headlines if you need validation as to your answer. Fear...the biggest problem in this country and with our politics. So afraid...so afraid of what someone else will say/show about "me" or my campaign. F*ck that. Grab it by it's handle, pull the damn pin, and lob it in the middle of discussion. Then, when they come at you, be ready. Smack 'em down if you can, take your medicine if you must.

[That medicine is giving me an uneasy feeling in the Pitt of my stomach.]

My suggestion is to talk this out with a therapist. They must keep your information confidential and perhaps can help you with the decision to tell your friends what you have been accused and found guilty of in the court of public/private gossip.

[Or better yet, talk this out with a bartender.]

By the way, does this have to do with your own family? That's how I seem to see it. Families are very tough sometimes!

[I understand that Scott Ritter's family wasn't too happy with him.]

My family doesn't know.
And I don't know whether or not they would believe me. We're not close.

[ANOTHER clue by DUmmie Temporary SockPuppet. Hmmmm.... I suspect that his parents divorced when he was young. Most likely his father lives in another region of the country. Just thinking out loud here as the forces of deductive reasoning proceeds...]

There are a lot of people here, and some have probably
Been in this situation themselves. I don't personally know someone who is an expert on this, so I'm posting it here and seeing what the Lounge knows.

[More Temporary SockPuppet self-confessional. Hmmm... Would Scott Ritter be an "expert on this?" You wouldn't happen to personally know him, would you? Hmmm....]

Sorry, I stripped out too many details. More: I was accused of physically assaulting vulnerable people. Yes, I do post here, and no, I don't want you to know who I am. Come now, aren't Democrats just friendly people? In seriousness, I'm doing this because I'd like to draw from the experience of this community to see if I'm just being completely insane by thinking that it might help me to bring this up with people now.

EDIT: THAT'S ASSAULTING AND HARASSING vulnerable people.

[Thank you for the WEALTH of clues, DUmmie Temporary SockPuppet. Assaulting vulnerable people. Hmmm... And the mention of young people earlier. Forgive me, my dear Watson, if I hastily surmise that our suspect is referring to students. Specifically private school students. And thanx to the edit, we now know that our suspect is probably still harrassing the students in an attempt to cover up what he claims wasn't a crime.]

Did you assault them?

[Confess, DUmmie Temporary SockPuppet.]

No, but some apparently said I did.
Nothing was brought to me. I found out about it when other people confronted me, and some of the alleged victims were never identified to me.

[Hmmm.... So all the vulnerable young people were wrong and only Temporary SockPuppet is right. What's the name of that river in Egypt?]

So what are you hoping to accomplish
with this thread?

[Melodrama I suspect.]

I'm here to ask people who have dealt with something similar
If trying to confront it at this point (years after the fact) is a bad idea and I should just let it drop.

[I could be wrong but I think the nature of these charges will HAUNT you forever.]

Do you still have contact with any of them?

[Inquiring minds want to know.]

I live very near some of them, and moving isn't an option. I pass them on the sidewalk sometimes.

[It sounds like you live in an urban area with a pedestrian friendly environment. I bet it isn't tough to walk to your neighborhood bar to drown your sorrows. More useful clues unwittingly provided us by Temporary SockPuppet.]

Can the vulnerable people in question speak on your behalf?
If they can be witnesses to your innocence it may go a long way toward restoring your good name.

[Yes. At least ONE of the "vulnerable people" should be willing to speak on behalf of his innocence.]

I don't think they would.
It would expose them as liars, and open them to defamation lawsuits.

[According to DUmmie Temporary SockPuppet, everybody involved in this case is a liar...except for him.]

You might try to find out if they might, if you promised not to sue. Were they pressured into making the claims? If so, that can be pointed out to reduce the damage to their reputations.

[Some EVIL Freeper is forcing them to sue. Or perhaps it is Karl Rove?]

I don't know if any of them were pressured.
I know that the most damaging one was not.

[So the most damaging accusation was NOT made under pressure. Thanx for just hurting your own case, DUmmie Temporary SockPuppet.]

Did you? If so, why? If not, why are you being accused as such?

[Uh, maybe because he is...GUILTY?]

No, I didn't. Because I'm different, and because they can get away with it.

[Boo! Hoo! They are ALL attacking me because I'm "different." Are you as different as a Midnight Cowboy wearing all black in the hot Texas sun?]

Then why post this? Just to stir up trouble and/or drama? Why not give us a chance rather than jerk us around?

[Answer the question, DUmmie Temporary SockPuppet.]

It's too easy to find me from my regular username.
And I know several DU'ers.

[Aha! More clues. Obviously a well-known DUmmie who personally knows several DUmmies in person. The noose tightens...]

Well I don't really know how to solve a real life whisper campaign. Especially when the accusations are as apparently severe as they are. If the charges are false and you have evidence of that, present it. If they're true, I can't help you.

[Then I guess you can't help him.]

It's my word against the alleged victims. Guess who's winning?

[The "alleged victims." Let's see. It is the word of MANY young people against you. Guess who is going to believed.]

I'm still not sure what you're looking for in this thread
Advice? Support? A scene? I know if the admins approved this you must be in pretty good standing and you seem like a good sport to put up with all the nonsense so far in this thread, but I still am not seeing what you gain from this conversation.

[An anonymous pre-confessional to guage the mood prior to his phony public confessional?]

Some people here have dealt with similar situations,
And some have gone in both directions with it. I'm seeing what happened to them, and whether or not bringing this up with my friends is a bad idea. How can I be a bad sport when I'm not even telling people who I am, and some of them are being really nice to me anyway?

[Not telling people who you are? You may not realize this but you have already provided us with an accurate roadmap (with a few brief Pittstops) leading to your door.]

You said this had nothing to do with DU. Do these people post on DU as well? If not, then I cannot see where you would have anything to worry about. I read another post of yours that said you love to speak. Take this with you: Was Bill Clinton afraid to stand in front of those who accused him and open his mouth? Live your life. My father once told me. They can take everything from you but they cannot take your life.

[Perhaps DUmmie Temporary SockPuppet is getting more and more in the public eye and is scared about his career when the revelations out but let us hear from him...]

Well, some of them are pissed off liberals, So maybe. Chances are good that someone who knows them does.

[Hmmm... More clues. It sounds like DUmmie Temporary SockPuppet is feuding with some fellow leftists.]

It may be easier than you think to find you from your sock puppet name. As several people have pointed out, you have got to be pretty highly respected by the administrators of this board if they have allowed you to openly violate a rule that others have been warned and even banned for in order to post a very vague summary of a personal situation. While vague, though, there are also details throughout this thread, not to mention your writing style, that make it easy to compare you to specific DUers under their regular user names. The thought that this would be a truly anonymous way to talk about yourself and your personal crisis may not have been grounded in reality. I assume you don't want a public guessing game to begin over your "true" identity, though I have a good guess. That said, I respect our rules on civility here very much, so I don't post things that are intended to be malicious and hurtful to other DUers. Ever. Again, good luck to you. It does seem clear that you have some difficult challenges ahead. I sincerely hope you are able to work through them with a positive outcome. Above all else, be strong. Take responsibility for whatever you have done and do not behave like a victim, or ask others to see you as one. A strong and positive offense is better than a weak and petulant defense every time.

[I, too, have a guess as to the true identity of DUmmie Temporary SockPuppet based in part on the bloated self-important writing style as well as other clues. Although I can't quite put my finger on his name, I can feel the answer somewhere in the Pitt of my stomach.]

I don't know who you are, but if you are Michael Jackson, please PM me. I have song lyrics you would sound great singing. I like your music a lot, genius, but maybe stay away from children so you can't be accused any more. Enjoy your life. I'm an adult who likes to play games and have fun too. I was never allowed to be a kid when I was a kid. I was always expected to be responsible and act right, whatever that means. Very strict upbringing. I can relate. Your music is great, btw. My favorite is still a toss up between Thriller and the Free Willy theme song.

[Or a Free Will theme song.]

What Alcoholics (and the many thousands of others who have practiced the 12 steps for one reason or another) mostly find is what they thought was a deep dark secret was known by their friends and families all along, only their fear had kept them in a prison of their own making.

[Could our suspect also be an alcoholic? Something to ponder.]

Look, I don't know the specifics. I'm going to guess that you're accused of sexual assault, either against children or others who can't easily defend themselves (perhaps disabled, mentally or otherwise). I can't think of anything else that would carry such stigma.

[Your Kewpie Doll is in the mail.]

Assuming the worst seems to be what most people did.
My fear is everyone I know and everyone who might employ me assuming it's true because it's sordid.

[A sordid accusation made by many young people against our suspect. Yet I suspect that our suspect is NOT a priest although he has a preference for wearing black.]

Unless you're Bill Clinton or Michael Jackson, not everyone on the planet has heard of you. I'm sure there are places where you could "start over." Otherwise, you're just going to have to bite the bullet and stare down your accusers where you live.

[Trust me. Everyone in DUmmieland (and DUFU readers) has heard of this suspect. And, no, there are no places on this planet, not even Alabama, where he could "start over."]

Why not open disclosure here? In thinking on this, not too many
people really know each other here, what would be the harm? My name in real life isn't REALLY MrsGrumpy...so therefore, when in trouble, I post about it here, as MrsGrumpy, when I am searching for advice. Just a thought. I'd feel freer to wade in if this wasn't so shrouded.

[Perhaps because DUmmie Temporary SockPuppet doesn't want to become MrsBusted.]

It's very easy to find me from my real username.

[Perhaps because only your middle name is missing from your username, DUmmie Temporary SockPuppet? More clues...]

I don't mean for this to sound callous, but if this situation is about what I think it is--you are going to have to work in a different employment field in an entirely new state. I'm sorry you got so burned here, and it probably wasn't your fault at all, and there are ways for you to rebuild your life from this. If I were you, I would accept that soon, and get to work rebuilding. But legal professionals are the best people to advise you about how best to do that, not DU.

[Unfortunately, DUmmie Temporary SockPuppet would also have to become completely anonymous and stay away from the limelight. Conditions that I suspect are completely INTOLERABLE for his bloated ego.]

I hope it's not that way, but I fear it might be. Liars suck.

[Sure, sure, DUmmie Temporary SockPuppet. They are ALL lying except for you. This doesn't sound like a case of He Said/He Said. It is more like a case of He Said/He Said and He Said and He Said and He Said and He Said and...]

Yeah. Racists suck, too. Again, you can PM me about this if you want.

[I think we can throw off the racist charge. That was just to throw us off the track.]

Thank you. I'll get in touch with a lawyer on Tuesday.
As for PMing, I don't know how long this sockpuppet will be around, and I'm reluctant to use my regular username. I'm either very sensible or extremely paranoid.

[Lawyers didn't help the accused priests much, DUmmie Temporary SockPuppet, but don't let that keep you from wasting your money on legal dead ends.]

Definitely do all you can with your lawyer
And get the best one you can. I work with vulnerable populations myself and know how damaging a false accusation can be. Fortunately I've never fallen prey to one myself, but I have seen others lives put through hell because of them. You need to do everything you can to get your name cleared so the record shows the truth, and the lies do not follow you around your entire career.

[FUnnie but I also worked with "vulnerable populations" myself for a few months as a substitute teacher. However, my conscience is clear. Hey, I even made a few extra bucks off the experience selling a humorous story about the job to a newspaper.]

Crap, I forgot what day it is. I should have waited until tomorrow.

[Yeah, DUmmie Temporary SockPuppet. Friday the 13th isn't exactly a great day to be posting such a confessional.]

I were you, I'd ask the admins who approved your sock puppet account and this thread itself to now ask mods to delete it. For your own good. It appears many here already have a good idea who you are, and your IP address can easily be matched to this account and your regular account, so I don't see the value in this whole faux subterfuge, anyway.

[Too late. It has already been chronicled in the DUmmie FUnnies. And I think we already do have a good idea of who DUmmie Temporary SockPuppet is although I still can't quite put my finger on his name. Perhaps a few shots of bourbon over at Bukowski's Will clear my mind and help me find the answer at the bottom of the Pitt.]

I am intrigued by this comment
"for thousands of people all across this state to hear and believe them" Literally thousands? Does that means thousands know about the accusations or thousands you'd have to disclose to?

[Please give us MORE clues, DUmmie Temporary SockPuppet.]

The rumors spread fast through big organizations
I think it's thousands, but in retrospect, there's about a 50% chance that I'm over blowing it. Definitely upward of 400, and they're dispersed.

[However, I bet you can quote those 400 accusers WORD FOR WORD of what they said years ago. That should be very helpful to you in court...until the judge throws out such testimony.]

Friend, Please Never Feel Disgrace At The Expense Of Others Wrongs. I can sense you are quite a decent person even from a short post. I am sorry this has been done to you but since it cannot be easily undone the best path is to first find the strength and conviction within yourself to look into your own eyes in the mirror and tell yourself that you know who you are, and no one can ever take that from you. Self-confidence, esteem and self-awareness are the foremost values you first need to have solidified before you tackle the rest. After that, you must trust that others who truly know you openly will only care about what they know and have seen from you, and will more than likely have sympathy for your situation rather than contempt towards you. You must trust in that. Those that turn and run, judge, or do not provide you with trust in your words are not too worthy of company to begin with. I acknowledge though that the risk of losing some of them may be hurtful, but time will heal that disappointment, as will the base of strength and conviction you built in yourself to always remind you that you are decent and worthy of respect. Never forget that.

[I can sense that DUmmie Temporary SockPuppet is so worried about his problems that he hasn't slept since April.]

I'm learning to value myself.
And this situation is one of my biggest obstacles.

[I suspect you have long been OVER-valuing yourself, DUmmie Temporary SockPuppet.]

I would advise, first of all, that YOU need to come to terms with what has happened to you. No matter how offensively you've been treated, you need to be able to look at the situation objectively. Counseling is one of the best tools available. Please consider it. Secondly, be sure to surround yourself with a community of love and support. A few close friends, relatives, people you know you can rely on. I suspect that you feel some affinity with DU - which is great - but it is no substitute for the kind of support you need in real life. Finally, if you're a person of faith (and even if you're not), you need to find a way to work on forgiveness. That doesn't mean you approve of what was done to you... it means letting go of the power people have over you. A community of faith or clergyperson should be able to help you on that path.

[A person of faith? Not a chance in DUmmieland unless you mean a follower of Astrology, Faux Hopi Indian Witch Doctors, or practitioners of Santeria.]

I've been burned by several of what I thought were loving communities. Before and after this. What you describe happening to you is the kind of thing I'm afraid of. I'm trying to do the best that I can, and I think that talking about this might make it easier to come to terms. As for professional counseling, I don't trust a counselor to not assume that I'm guilty, break confidentiality, and try to play hero by turning me in. But then, some of my counselors have been insensitive pricks. I brought it to DU because I figure that if there are this many people somewhere, some of them are bound to know something useful. The theory is holding. I've always been very forgiving up to a point. Beyond that, I haven't really been tested. Clergy have burned me too. It's a lot easier to maintain faith without a "faith community" full of some of the worst people I know.

[DUmmie Temporay SockPuppet revealing himself from the Pitt of his soul. And, WOW! This crime sounds so bad that he thinks even professional counselors might turn him in. Let me guess. His crime does NOT involve jaywalking.]

For a counselor to do that would be illegal
There are some very specific instances where counselors must report their clients' illegal acts, but there has to be more to it than "someone is saying that I did this awful thing."

[I am also guessing that this crime does not involve overdue library books.]

But if I make a confession, they're legally required to report it.
What if the counselor "mishears" me?Or, has seen people lie about offenses, and in his/her professional opinion, I'm lying?

[Yup! The crime in question is definitely NOT jaywalking nor overdue library books.]

Skip the counselor, go to the lawyer.

[Go Directly To Jail, Do Not Pass Go.]

Lawyer Tuesday, Counselor Wednesday. That's the plan.

[Don't forget Jail Thursday.]

It isn't wise to post even anonymously about anything that can result in multiple felony convictions. There's a big difference between being motivated by fear and being motivated by sensibility. By your own admission it sounds as though the rumors against you are serious and whether true or untrue, you face multiple accusers. By your own admission, you have two accounts on this site. One in which you post under your regular username and this one. Anything posted under either of those account names can be traced to your computer, your ISP, a work computer, and other computers to which you have access. Anything you've posted under either user name can be brought into evidence in a criminal matter, whether those posts go to character, fact patterns in the case or frame of mind. Anytime one has any possibility of charges pending, it is unwise to assume anonymity since you are really only anonymous to those of us who post here and not necessarily to law enforcement. While you may not have posted anything specifically incriminating, your posts can and do speak to frame of mind and other relevant aspects of discovery in any criminal proceeding. Beyond this, I really have nothing to offer you but felt you should take it into consideration. It may not be a good thing to say to a person so enveloped with fear, but getting advice on issues where criminal charges CAN OR MAY be pending should really be pursued with legal professionals, not with people on the internet. Besides which, you do realize people can research your writing style and your posts under your other name (and as you said elsewhere) and can take that information and harass you further. Frankly, this post was not a wise choice on your part not on the part of DU admin if criminal charges of a felony nature really are a possibility.

[But on the positive side, the suspect has never EVER had any personally dealings with A.N.S.W.E.R. so he is clear of those charges.]

I really don't know if there would be charges. I think if there were going to be, there already would have been. I knew the risk, but living with this over my head is killing me. This is my first step in getting out from under it. I (foolishly) didn't realize it would cause such a stir.

[Oh don't be so modest, DUmmie Temporary SockPuppet. It has already caused quite a stir in the DUmmie FUnnies.]

Hmmm... is this username an anagram that offers us any clues?
O pecker pump strap toy? A secret porky pump pot? Smart pete puppy crook?

[Or PiedPiperPuppet?]

Your true friends will love you and support you in the future.

[Especially IndianaGreen and the Ghost of Kephra Past.]

This person must be superpopular and cool to be able to get away with using a sockpuppet to elicit free legal advice with the sanction of the admins. Is it Will Pitt, using an intentionally poor writing style?

[LOUSY FREEPER TROLL!!! It can't possibly be Pied Piper PItt because his poor writing style is ALWAYS unintentional.]

WRITE A BOOK! It's a great way to clear your name AND make a few bucks!

[And have Scott Ritter be your coauthor!]

This thread is the absolute nadir of democraticunderground.com
in my experience. I request a public explanation by the admins in an open thread.

[I guess it is a matter of POV. To me this thread is the ZENITH of DUmmieland in my experience.]

Get plastic surgery, change your name, start a new career...
and move far, far away.

[Get rid of those earrings...and move OFF the planet.]

This is, bar none, the weirdest goddam thread I have ever seen. Puts Oscar in the shade.

[Ah, Pied Piper Pitt finally chimes in...officially. Strange to see you here, Pitt. Of course, this thread is weird to you because you would have absolutely NO interest in the travails of DUmmie Temporary SockPuppet.]

If you are innocent act like it. Stop hanging your head in fear and shame. If you were set up tell the world and name names.

[Those are mighty big IFs.]

Locking. This thread has gotten a bit off track....

[Not really. Methinks this track has led the railroad right to the doorstep of the perpetrator even though I have failed in my Sherlock Holmes guise since I still have no idea who it is...although I Will search for the answer in the Pitt of my stomach. However, as an addendum to this locked thread, let us look at this fascinating THREAD posted by none other than Pied Piper Pitt...]

the f*cking sock puppet still here?
If so, can I get a goddam explanation?

[Finally sobering up a bit, eh Pitt?]

Is this a rhetorical question? They never really leave do they? None of them.

[They never really do leave...especially after being featured in the DUmmie FUnnies.]

Well, when the f*cking is over, the sock instantly soaks up the mess...

[Will the sock instantly soak up the mess caused by spilt drinks at the Bukowski's bar counter!]

I saw that thread but didn't look at it...
What happened that's made everyone so pissed?

[Actually the ONLY one pissed is Pied Piper Pitt but I haven't any idea why.]

Locking. Please address all concerns about Democratic Underground to the owner of this site.

[SNIFF! Another locked thread. And I was having so much FUn watching Pitt sober up a bitt.]