Wednesday, September 27, 2006

The Reality Based Community Consults The Crystal Ball

Please forgive me! When writing the first sample chapter of my proposed DUmmie FUnnies book (publishers, please don't worry about embarrassing me with an extravagant cash advance when you contact me at: PJ-COMIX) titled THE REALITY BASED COMMUNITY, I neglected to mention that there is a DUmmie discussion group called, "Astrology, Spirituality & Alternative Healing Group." Yes, the "Children of the Enlightenment," have just such a hocus pocus group replete with threads with titles like "Any Reiki healers in the house?" "Uranus in Pisces, Neptune in Aquarius, everything is back assward," "The Ascending Cosmic Pulse, and "Vedic Astrologer says Bush is out of office in 2007." However, not to worry. As I stated in the forward of that sample chapter, I plan to expand most of the chapters so I will definitely be updating "The Reality Based Community," chapter with the treasures found in the hocus pocus DUmmie discussion group. In celebration of this find, let me now DUFU one of the hocus pocus threads titled, Let's do another PREDICTION thread! So let us now join the Reality Based Community as they consult their crystal ball and make predictions in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, predicting that a DUmmie FUnnies book would be a best seller because of the hilarious gems mined from DUmmieland and because of the innovative CD-ROM insert material that I plan to include with the book, is in the [brackets]:

Let's do another PREDICTION thread!

[And toss reality to the wind...YIPPEE!!!]

I'll start.
I predict:

[...a really FUnnie DUmmie FUnnies edition based on this DUmmie prediction thread.]

The GOP will lose a lot of ground in November, and although it won't be a complete sweep, Democrats will gain the house by a narrow margin. The tide of public opinion has turned against Bush and his buddies, at last. I don't have to predict that, though; it has already happened. Public opinion is peculiar, and has a life and momentum of its own. Mostly, it is negative - whenever it can be against someone, it moves with great speed and with its own strength.

[Call me skeptical but you overlooked the Diebold machines pre-programmed to steal the election from you again.]

Al Gore is enjoying his current celebrity status and is considering, briefly, with a re-match. He will think better of it and decide not to run. He will make this announcement very soon.


The Bush Cabal has been very good at keeping the major damage being done to high level persons out of the media; most people don't even know about the stuff that has gone down (sorry if I sound vaguely flip tonight; I'm tired.), but several people are in serious legal trouble. Rove, for example, will be indicted for something - not sure what - and there are at least a dozen others who will be in hot legal fires by the end of the year. Many will resign.

[Finally a prediction we can have confidence in. Karl Rove has already been indicted last May 12. Didn't you hear about it?]

Bush needs to take care of his health, also; I predict he will be feeling rather down in November/December.

[From eating too much stuffing at the happy Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners.]

OK - how about some other predictions, people! ????

[I predict that the DUmmies will continue to provide me with HILARIOUS material for my DUmmie FUnnies book. I predict that I won't blush in embarrassment if a major publisher offers me a HUGE cash advance for the book.]

Do you see a Dem win in 2008?

[Yes. I definitely see a Dem win in 2008 for the office of dogcatcher.]

I don't know about 2008 yet. There is a veil of sadness around the white house in my visions; I don't understand it yet, but it is there. And I'm having a lot of 1960s feelings.

[It's those acid flashbacks again.]

I predict that the GOP will retain its hold on both House and Senate, and possibly pick up a few seats. Democratic leadership will be saddened, but will tell their supporters to support the President and the newly elected Congress.


There will be scattered reports of voter fraud or vote machine malfunctions on Election Day, but they will be dismissed as the ravings of a few crank Democrats.

[You don't need a crystal ball to predict that.]

I hope I'm wrong. But I see the same kind of complacency that I saw in 2002 and 2004, the certainty that Democrats would gain back some power and where are we today?

[Waiting to kick Lucy's football again.]

I can't make any predictions because I see a number of ways this could work out (Libra moon).

[I see a number of ways this could work out Uranus.]

I so much hope I'm wrong, but I honestly believe that we will wake up on November 8th to discover that the House and Senate are not merely still in Republican hands, but their numbers have actually increased.

[Die bold prediction.]

Osama is not out there. He is long gone. If he ever existed. A boogy man.

[He never left the North Pole where he works with the elves. Ho! Ho! Ho!]

I get images of very focused people--archers and torchbearer archetypes--lining up for battles. Not heroic leaders so much as multitudes of warriors. Time for action. I think we're going to see some shake-ups.


Gore is secretive and cool about 08, not laying his cards out. The crystal ball is cloudy. I think there's about a 50-50 chance he'll go for it. He'll have to be pushed by a tsunami of support. Though Gore is an Aries sun, I see a lot of water around him right now. He knows how to become 'like a mirror' now. Difficult lesson for an Aries.

[I always thought that Al Gore was an Eery Uranus.]

If the Dems win the House and Senate... or even just the House, the Pukes will see the end coming when Dems get subpoena power. They'll put tremendous pressure on Bush and Cheney to resign between election day and the day the new Congress comes in, so that Hastert would be Pres instead of potentially Pelosi. The deal-clincher will be promises of pardons for everyone involved, because they're already running scared even when they currently hold all the power. Of course, that would be the doom on any further political career for Hastert but he's getting old and will be well taken care of anyway.

[Was that prediction inspired by crack or acid?]

There are many great psychics, tarot readers, etc. on this board and I'm curious whether the people posting are drawing on those talents and if so, what the prediction source is. So please, I request you let us know whether your prediction is based on reading real tea leaves or metaphorical political tea leaves.

[Reading chicken entrails is considered the most scientific way of making nonsense predictions. However, metaphorical chicken entrails can be substituted for the messy real ones.]

My predictions are totally empathic, and like most emotional responses, are not always on the mark. I've learned from experience, though, to listen to my vibes.

[That inner vibe you're hearing is probably just a rogue fart.]

I believe that there are powerful people on our side working in secret to take back our country. There is a figure, a multi-billionaire who will be funding this operation, and who will start using the court system to take down these neo-cons one by one when the time is right. He has an army of investigators and lawyers who are filling files with the illegal doings and money laundering of those in high office with connections to the PNAC.

[Oh go ahead and just name this multi-billionaire---George Soros.]

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Anonymous DumbAss Tanker said...

PJ, I'm surprised that you're taking such easy pickings...finding loonie stuff in that particular forum is like finding bread in a bakery.

12:53 PM  
Blogger Son Of The Godfather said...

DUmmie logic! Apply directly to forehead!

2:32 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This entry relates very well to a Michelle Malkin column titled "How do Liberals Sleep?"

They live in fantasy worlds.


10:36 AM  

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