Saturday, October 27, 2012

Our Second Time with Lena Dunham

In yesterday's DUFU, we introduced you to a young woman named Lena Dunham, an obscure actress who cut an ad for the Obama campaign called "Your First Time." In the video, Ms. Dunham glowingly compares voting for Barack with being deflowered by him. Unbelievable. And so this thing went viral faster than a herpes outbreak. People couldn't believe Team Obama would actually want voters to see this. But apparently they do. I thought for a while that, because of the widespread (no pun intended) negative reaction, they had pulled the video. But today, at least, the YouTube VIDEO is still there. You would think it would cause Obama some electile dysfunction, but surprisingly, it has stayed up longer than four hours.

Yesterday there had not been much reaction yet from the DUmmies, just a few positive comments on one out-of-the-way thread. But now, because of the buzz the video created, we have more grist for our DUnham FUnnies mill. We'll start with this THREAD, "Conservatives flip out over Lena Dunham Obama ad," and check out a couple of other threads, as well.

So let us now have our way with Lena Dunham and the DUmmies for a second time, in Are You Ready Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, hoping that Lena campaigning with her lady parts will turn off as many voters as Hurricane Sandy talking about her birth-control pills, is in the [Barackets]:

Conservatives flip out over Lena Dunham Obama ad

["Lena Dunham OBAMA"?? You mean Barry did the right thing and MARRIED the poor girl? He made an honest woman of her? Well, he ought to, after he used her and humiliated her so with that video.]

[The thread starts out with a couple of caricatures of conservative reaction . . .]

Lock up your virgins! There’s a dark-skinned, middle-aged man coming for them!

[Binders full of virgins.]

Barack Obama, like a droit du seigneur-rocking feudal lord or Kurdish chieftain, “has asked for your daughters.” Your innocent, probably white, virgin daughters, ravished by that hymen-lusting brute in the White House.

[Every time he goes to Hymentown, that's all he wants to talk about.]

[Then the DUmmies comment on the Lena Dunham video itself. . .]

Can't stand her.


Does the average 20 yr. old who DOESN'T have a trust fund and/or live in Brooklyn even know who she is?

[They do now! She's now known as Lena the Tattooed Lady Part, Lena the Queen of Taboo!]

But if it helps, then fine.

[The end justifies the moans.]

I know who she is and I don't even watch HBO's Girls.

[All 300 million of us who don't watch HBO's Girls now know who Leapin' Lena is!]

Girls is honest, smart, funny, and brutally honest to the point of cringe-inducing.

[I believe the cringe-inducing part.]

The women in it have full lives that don't revolve around the men in the show. They have ambition, they have sex, they drink, take drugs, they fail, they succeed. Like real people.

[Like real men-hating, slutty, drunken, drugged-out, female failures everywhere. You know, your average Democrat.]

It is very popular with young women, especially the ones in my household, and many kids who can't afford HBO but sure know how to steal it off the internet.

[They've seen "Steal Tutorials."]

I wonder if she is a distant cousin of Obama.

[Not so distant, apparently. Ms. Dunham is more like a kissin' cousin.]

Meh, I think it's kinda creepy. . . .

[Creepy, crappy, and clappy.]

I really don't want any implications of sex scandals, even comedically and fictional, tied to our politicians.

[This, from a DEMOCRAT????]

I thought the ad was cute, as was the young woman. She's not a cousin or anything is she?

She's the star of the HBO hit show, Girls.

[It's such a hit, nobody knows about it. It's that cool.]

Lena Dunham is adorable. . . .

[Calm down, Rachel! You'll get your turn.]

when I first saw it I cringed inside. I knew the backlash and I know this type of thing will turn off some women.

[Is this your first time winning a Kewpie Doll, DUmmie justiceischeap? I think it is! Congratulations! You are no longer a Kewpie virgin.]

Why isn't the endorsement from the writer, producer, director, and actress from Girls not on the Greatest Threads?

[It is . . . on all the Republican sites! Hee! Hee! It's a real-life Obie-and-Lena joke!]

She reminds me of a new age Liberal.

[She reminds me of a sewage Labial.]

Lena Dunham is an acting, writing, and directing GENIUS . . . .

[You mean she's a secret Rethuglican operative? Brilliant! It's working!]

- - - - - - - - - -


Tune: "Lydia, the Tattooed Lady"

Ah, Lena!
She was the most hilarious creature
Spinning or spun.
Fluke! Garofalo! Maddow!
Rolled into one . . .

Ohhh . . .
Lena, oh Lena,
Say, have you met Lena,
Lena, the tattooed lady!
She supports Barack Obama,
Wants to be his baby mama.

Lena, oh Lena,
She votes her vageena,
Oh Lena, the queen of tattoo!
On her back is a tat of her name on DU,
Beside it a list of the libs that she'd do,
And with it a map of her lady parts, too--
You can learn a lot from Lena!

La la la, la la la, la la la, la la la

When her vote is deflowered,
She will feel so empowered,
It will reach to infinity.
For a Dem she will yield
Out on love's battlefield--
She's wishing to lose her virginity.

La la la, la la la, la la la, la la la

Oh Lena, oh Lena,
Say, have you met Lena,
Oh Lena, the tattooed lady!
Barack was in a downward spiral,
Till she started going viral.

Lena, oh Lena,
Would do an arena
Of lib'rals--yes, she'd do them all!
For starters she'll kiss a Mikulski named Babs,
If he's out of Viagra, she'll let Reid do some grabs,
And on a queer day she'll rub Barney Frank's abs--
You can earn a lot from Lena!

La la la, la la la, la la la, la la la

Come along and see Lena first leaning forward,
Then comes Barack and she's soon bending backward.
Here is Lena Dunham adoring her King of Hearts,
Here's Obama exploring her lady parts.

La la la, la la la, la la la, la la la

Here is little Lena recleanin' her downstairs,
Over at the White House they're looking at timeshares.
Here's Lewinsky a-doin' the wayback,
Here is Lena now doin' the swayback.

La la la, la la la, la la la, la la la

Oh Lena, oh Lena,
Would do Argentina
To get Barry back in this fall!
She once slept with Texas to get out the vote,
A phallus in Dallas made her boat start to float,
But Mr. Obama had better not gloat--
They're no longer polling Lena!

Friday, October 26, 2012

"Your First Time": DUmmies dig on Dunham

Imagine if Rachel Maddow, Janeane Garofalo, and Sandra Fluke got together and somehow were able to produce a child. Sandy was off her pills one month, Rachel was feeling randy, and Janeane was in there somewhere, too. So assuming this dérange à trois could produce offspring, what would it look like? Answer: Lena Dunham.

Who is Lena Dunham, you ask? Well, I had to ask, too, when I came across that name last night. When I first saw it, I thought it said "Leon Durham," the old first baseman for my Chicago Cubs. Leon Durham--the guy who let that ground ball go through his legs against the Padres (pulling a Buckner two years before Buckner), thus costing the Cubs a trip to the World Series. Yeah, that Leon Durham. I still get upset about it.

But I digress. Back to Lena Dunham. It turns out left-leaning Lena is some actress type on a show I've never heard of. But apparently a few people do watch her show--about 30 or 40 college-age girls, it seems. That would be the demographic the Obama campaign is going after with a new YouTube VIDEO that Lena Dunham did for them, called "Your First Time."

The theme of the video is Ms. Dunham comparing premarital sex with voting for Barack Obama. The first time you fornicate, it should be with a great guy, and that guy is Barack Obama. He's Mr. Dreamy. So lay down on your back, open wide, and pull the lever. That's about the size of it. Sluts for Obama. I kid you not.

Now wait a minute. . . . Dunham, Dunham--where have I heard that name before? That's right! Stanley Ann Dunham and her boy Barry! Maybe Lena and Our President are related, on the freaky white Dunham side. That would explain the weirdness. Call in Henry Louis Gates, and he can do a DNA test.

So Lena Dunham has done this "Your First Time" video, and it has gone viral. Ewww, maybe I should rephrase that. It has taken off faster than Big Bird on a binder full of horses. Besides lighting up Lena, BO gives the DUmmies the Big "O," too, and so they luv the vid, of course. Witness this THREAD, "Lena Dunham (of HBOs "Girls"): Your First Time."  You can view the VIDEO embedded--no pun intended--at that DUmmieland link, in case the YouTube link doesn't work.

But before we get to the debauched DUmmies, let us first hear from the deflowered Ms. Dunham herself--we'll call this part the DUnham FUnnies--in Baboon Butt Red, while the commentary of your gobsmacked humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, hoping this Dunham video is seen by millions, since it will cause all decent and civilized people to vote for Romney, is in the [Barackets]:

Your first time shouldn't be with just anybody. You want to do it with a great guy. It should be with a guy with beautiful . . .

[. . . contraceptives.]

Someone who really cares about and understands women.

[Someone like, oh, Ted Kennedy or Bill Clinton.]

A guy who cares whether you get health insurance, and specifically whether you get birth control.

[But only if you don't have to pay for it yourself.]

The consequences are huge.

[Hugh, I tell you!]

You want to do it with a guy who brought the troops out of Iraq.

[And pulled the security team out of Benghazi.]

You don't want a guy who says, "Oh hey, I'm at the library studying," when he's really out not signing the Lilly Ledbetter Act.

[ICK! You DON'T want to do the Sandra Fluke Act with HIM!]


Or who thinks that gay people should never have beautiful, complicated weddings of the kind we see on Bravo or TLC all the time.

[It's a FUnnie world nowadays, isn't it? The heterosexuals DON'T want to get married, and the homos DO!]

It's a fun game to say, "Who are you voting for?" and they say "I don't want to tell you," and you say, "No, who are you voting for?" and they go, "Guess!"

[Wheeeee!!! It's FUn!]

Think about how you want to spend those four years. In college-age time, that's 150 years.

[And after those 150 years, you still won't be able to get a job.]

Also, it's super uncool to be out and about and someone says, "Did you vote?" and "No, I didn't vote, I wasn't ready."

[So make sure that you ARE ready! All you college-age girls, be sure and GET OUT THERE AND VOTE on November 7th!]

My first time voting was amazing. It was this line in the sand.

[Kind of like the Fluke bedroom, where's there's a line in the Sandra.]

Before I was a girl. Now I was a woman.

[And now I'm making this idiotic ad.]

I went to the polling station and pulled back the curtain.

[I was ready to be polled.]

I voted for Barack Obama.

[Hooray! Hooray! Hooray! You did it with Mr. Dreamy! And once you've done Barack, you'll never go back! . . . But, but, wait. . . . Lena, I read on your bio that you are 26 years old. That means that the first time you were eligible to vote was in . . . in 2004, not 2008. Hmmm. . . . Did you not vote for Jean-Francois Kerry?? You know, the guy who served in Vietnam? Are you saying Kerry was slut-boated? Were you not ready? Or were you saving yourself for Barack?]

[The DUmmies now dig on Dunham . . .]

Lena Dunham (of HBOs "Girls")

[Now she's one of BHO's "Girls."]

Your First Time

[Virginia is in a swing state.]


[Cute, with cooties.]

I just saw it and came to see if it had been posted.

[Oh, she's been posted, alright.]

Oh, and it's pissing off the creepy Republicans, so... YAY!!

[YAY for offending all decent and civilized people and driving them to vote for Romney!!]

Yes, they are trashing it big time.

[Lena scores high in the trash poll!]

She's voting with her lady parts!

[T M I !!]

Can't wait for the follow up video.

[I can see it now: "I Was Barack's Baby Mama!" Stay classy, Obama campaign!]

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

All Out DUmmie Panic Attack to Commence this Weekend

I think we can now pinpoint when the full scale no holds barred DUmmie panic attack begins. It will be this weekend. How do I know? Because right now the DUmmies were shaken up by the latest Rasmussen poll showing Romney up by 50 to 46 which also closely matches the Gallup poll results. So why this weekend? Because the nervous DUmmies are holding out the hope that somehow Obama with his Sling Blade Stare during last night's debate can turn it all around as you can see in this THREAD, "Rasmussen." When the poll results are released this Sunday and no major change is shown, that is when the FUn begins in DUmmieland and their Fantasy Walls come tumbling down. So now let us watch the DUmmies praying for the debate to somehow change things by this weekend's polls in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, already preparing the DUFU machinery to mine this weekend's comedy gold nuggests, is in the [barackets]:



Rasmussen has not yet updated but I have a feeling when it does some of us aren't gonna be happy. Lets remember our guy won the debate last night but it takes a few days for things to trend down and we'll see our good results in a few days. 

[Yes, hold out in Fort Fantasy until this weekend to find out that the cavalry will NOT arrive.]

Why isn't this changing for us? 

[Because people made up their minds after the first debate when Obama decided it was more important to visit Hoover Dam than to do his debate homework.]

Good takes days for polls to show any bounce. 

[Yes, wait until this Sunday and then hit the Panic Button.]

Is that why Intrade went from 39% to middle 40s? One stupid rasmussen report at +4?. Intrade went up to 47? It is now fluctuation from lower 40s. Is something Major going on? I never saw a jump that big so quick. 11% in a few hours. As long as its just nonsense and not a news story then its just noise. If I had romney shares I would sell them all now. and everyone is buying them? 

[You will be saying the same thing about the Obama Intrade shares in a week.]

rasmussen is moving toward gallup. not good at all. 

[Wait until Sunday and all will be well...NOT!]

i expected gallup to come back to rasmussen, not the other way around. 


Ok. I'm panicking now. I keep expecting these numbers to get better and they're not. Is it just a matter of time before the state polls start reflecting this? 

[You should go to sleep until Sunday when you can wake up in time for your L-Pill.]

This sucks. I cannot believe it's so close. I know we have the electoral lead, but I'm terrified at the thought of Republicans winning and being rewarded for being assholes the last 4 years.

[Even worse will the the thought of eternal mockery from the DUmmie FUnnies. See you, Sunday!]

Monday, October 22, 2012

Gloria Poetry for an October Surmise: "Allreddy Bomb"

Gloria Allred has a BOMBSHELL that's she's about to drop on Mitt Romney! Yes, Gloria has an October Surprise up her sleeve that will cause Romney to leave the race--or at least lose it. That's the word on the street these past few days.

BTW, you all know Gloria Allred, don't you? She's the hag who makes Nancy Pelosi seem almost human. Gloria is the attention-whore attorney who's always taking up some celebrity case/leftist cause. And now she's promising an earth-shaking revelation that will ensure that the Mittster loses to the Bamster.

DUmmieland caught wind of this rumor on Thursday, as we see in this THREAD, "Does Gloria Allred Have The Rumored 'October Surprise?'" And they've been discussing the coming Allred Bombshell ever since. We'll sample from several threads to bring you up to date.

But first, as the excitement and anticipation mounts, let's join the DUmmies in singing this piece of Gloria Poetry:

"Already Gone"
Well, I heard some people talkin' just the other day
And they said Gloria's gonna knock Mitt for a loop
And let me tell ya, she's got some news that's new
And we'll soon find out it's true
And then he'll have to leave the race due to her scoop

It's an Allreddy bomb
She will drop on Rom
We will sing this vict'ry song
Woo hoo hoo, bye bye, woo hoo hoo

The threat that is Mitt Romney made me weep and want to die
And I guess I felt like the future wasn't bright
But October, Miss Allred--well, it took us by surprise
Though we're in a tunnel, now we see the light . . . that's right

It's an Allreddy bomb
She will drop on Rom
We will sing this vict'ry song
Woo hoo hoo, bye bye, woo hoo hoo . . .

Well, I know it won't be long the polls are down
Heaven knows, it won't be truth that sets us free
So often times it happens that we look for hope and change
And we never even know we have the key

You'll see an Allreddy bomb
She will drop on Rom
We will sing this vict'ry song
'Bout an Allreddy bomb

Yes, an Allreddy bomb
She will drop on Rom
We will sing this vict'ry song
'Bout an Allreddy bomb

Yes, an Allreddy bomb
Allreddy bomb, alright, nighty night
Allreddy bomb
Allreddy bomb . . .

So let us now go to the DUmmies, in Glorious All Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, the wag tailoring the doggerel, Charles Henrickson, declaring a DUbble-DUFU Monday--a day when everyone tonight here in St. Louis will be wearing all red--is in the [brackets]:

Does Gloria Allred Have The Rumored 'October Surprise?'

[At this point it's still just an October Surmise, but that won't stop the DUmmies from getting all worked up.]

I heard something before. There was a story . . . about how the Romney's compensated the help. . . .

[Probably reduced their daily allowance from six breadcrumbs to five.]

I'm hoping for something She hauls out sister wives...or in his case, his binder of wives.

I can't believe that Ann alone can stabilize Mitt when he goes crazy....I'm sure it takes a tag team of wives.

[It takes a Tagg team.]

Something to do with paternity maybe?

[Gloria is Mitt's baby mama?? Call Maury!]

Hope something real comes of this soon!

[Oh, it will, it will! And it will blow Mitt out of the water!]

makes me a little uneasy when she gets involved in anything. highly unlikable, sensationalist and vile. . . .

[So she's a Democrat! It comes with the territory.]

Please, please, please.

[Please, Gloria, we're on tippytoes! Give us what you've got!]

I hope you guys aren't relying on Allred. She sucks.

[Nonsense! You're in good hands with Allred.]

I hope something comes of this, and fast!

[Help is on the way! Just be patient.]

I adore Gloria Allred.

[Signed, Gloria Allred]

She's got something. . . .

[Is it contagious?]

The Republicans are scared sh*tless about this coming event. . . . they are in panic mode.

[Yes! I feel it! The election is ours! This Allred Bombshell will put us over the top!]

I can understand why Gloria Allred would scare Republicans more than anyone else.

[I can understand why Gloria would scare just about anybody! Yikes! Has she gotten her broom serviced for the upcoming holiday?]


[Freudenschade, baby!!! Break out the champagne bottles! WHEEEEEEE!!!!!]

And the reason she is withholding this information is...?

[The information is currently sealed. But it will come out soon. Trust me.]

doesn't Allred usually have "sex" secrets?

[I really do not want to know Gloria Allred's sex secrets.]

If Allred actually has a bomb-shell secret revelation to announce, I would think she would wait 2-4 days AFTER the final debate for maximum isolated coverage.

[Let's see, that would be in about, oh, 24 business hours.]

Too Rovian by half.

[OK, so 48 business hours.]

Much ado 'bout nuttin. . . .

[Gloria Paltry.]

My take is that it's a setup. . . . But hey, that's just my paranoid mind tracking down the rutted trail of suspicion of Republican intentions.

[Paromnoia strikes deep.]

I hear Romney once got away with an acronym in a game of Scrabble. Triple word score too, the bastard!


Here's the funny thing: nobody outside of here gives a flying f*** about this. . . .

[BOMBSHELL ANNOUNCEMENT: DUmmie glacierbay wins today's Kewpie Doll!]

I think they found evidence that Mitt had a coffee sundae and a coke at the malt shop when he and Ann were dating. . . .


Unless it is an iron clad take it to the bank certainty I hope she keeps quiet.

[Oh, this one is certain! Bank it!]

Rather and Memogate was a big reason why the 2004 election went the way it did.

[Yes, let's run down that list of "bombshells" that bombed, shall we?]

I still remember "Fitzmas" and the "Downing Street Memo". . . .

[Ah, good times. . . . Pitt really made a fool of himself, didn't he?]

This Allred rumor reminds me of "Fitzmas". . . .

[Yes, it's Pile-on-Pitt Time!]

What a ridiculous disappointment THAT was. . . .

[But, but . . . Pitt ASSURED us! And who knows? Maybe Rove will STILL be indicted! Hey, it could happen!]

The news will be announced in 24 business hours.

[Hee! Hee!]


[Pitt, you will NEVER live that down! Even among your own peeps, they mock you!]

**IF** Gloria Allred’s “OCTOBER SURPRISE” happens. . . .

["If"?? You say "IF"??? Where is your FAITH, man?]

So, anyone hear from Gloria Allred this morning?

[She and William Rivers Pitt are working on an exclusive for truthout. In other words . . . Gloria in exclusive duo.]

What is your biggest fear if Romney wins the election?

One big reason to vote for Romney is to see the absolutely HILARIOUS DUmmie meltdown post Nov. 6. We can get a sneak preview of just how mental the DUmmies will become in this THREAD, "What is your biggest fear if Romney wins the election?" Already the DUmmies are TARGETING polling companies that dare to accurately reflect the current state of the electorate. So let us now watch the DUmmies go into pre-election meltdown mode in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, noting that the comedy gold will become even more frequent over the next two weeks until the mother of all DUmmie meltdowns, is in the [barackets]:

What is your biggest fear if Romney wins the election? 

[I will be sent away to a Walmart Detention Center without a chance to bring my toothbrush.]

What do you think will happen if Romney wins the election? Will the world end? Will unemployment go back up? Will we continue to grow ourselves out of this severe recession? Will the Repubs take all the credit if the economy continues to rebound? 

[The latter is the REAL DUmmie fear. The economy rebounds bigtime so who the hell would want to vote in a socialist in the future to ruin it again?]

What do you think will happen with women rights? What do you think will happen to the Supreme Court? What do you think will happen with the deficit? How long before we are hit with another terrorist attack because we have an arrogant asshole in the White House? 

[You mean like the terrorist attack at Benghazi that the Bamster claimed was a spontaneous response to a video trailer that almost nobody watched? And now on to the other fearful DUmmies.]

Supreme Court will be f*cked for the rest of my lifetime 

[Over the next four years ApocAlito II, III, and IV will be appointed to join ApocAlito I on the High Court.]

DU will melt down. 

[You win a SUPER Kewpie for accurately forecasting the near future.]

Beware the dark side Luke... I'm not gonna entertain fear because I can't fathom a Romney win. 

[Good news. Obama can remain as president in the Alternate Universe. May the Farce be with you.]

Gloating by republicans at the golf club. Being a minority democrat, I already am outnumbered in every political debate. On positive side they might buy me a drink or two to soothe my emotions. 

[Already have your mind set on mooching?]

He'll be in office for two terms. So it will be eight more years before we can end this depression. And SCOTUS will be perma-f*cked. 

[GASP! You mean he will beat Joe Biden in 2016?]

otal loss of all national park and wildlands; Global economic collapse; WW3; air like China and Ind India; massive homelessness and escalated poverty levels affecting up to 1/2 of all Americans; fascism and police state to control the results; the ignominy of being "lead" by a lying sociopath and a lying cretin 

[Take the L-pill NOW and spare yourself the pain.]

I don't think Rmoney can legitimately "win" this election. Stealing it is much more likely. If that happens, we're screwed. Good-bye health care reforms. Good-bye planned parenthood. Good-bye social safety net. Good-bye income tax deductions that benefit the middle class. Good-bye hundreds of thousands of jobs. Hello more war. Hello extreme right wingers on the Supreme Court. 

[Already have your excuse lined up?]

you and i both know that if Romney steals this election. We are screwed. 

[Doesn't that make you happy, Ben Burch?]

Pretty sure the world will end 

[The entire universe will enter the rip in the space/time continuum.]

Basically business will see it as open season on labor in general. They already have citizens united, and an Rmoney presidency will give them all the cover they need to put yet more downward pressure on compensation. The climate will be perfect for advancing and securing serfdom. 

[The peasants are revolting. They stink on ice.]

After eight more years of Republican reign, America may never be able to take over again. They would seal off all possible avenues to being overthrown. In other words, a permanent coup. 

[Fears of a Coup Coup DUmmie.]

A foreigner will steal my job and I will die in the gutter 

[A DUmmie destined to become GUtter Clutter.]

Friday, October 19, 2012

DUmmies double down on the hate, sing "Arab Springtime for Egypt"

DUmmieland is a hate site. We've said that all along, through these eight years we've been tracking the DUmmies. But their vile vituperation, their vicious, virulent, violent rhetoric, becomes all the more evident when things are looking grim for their side. Such as now. President Obama is leading from behind in the polls (great line, btw, Mitt!). Smirkin' Joe Crazier gave a Biden Bounce . . . to Romney/Ryan. And the best the Democrats can come up with is . . . Big Bird and binders full of women?? Not optimal.

Desperate DUmmies are hate-filled DUmmies (not that that is much different from their normal mood). Witness the hate on display in this THREAD by DUmmie jsmirman, "Please, for the Love of God and all us children - Please Mr. President, Shoot to Kill Monday Night."

So let us now venture into the Land of Loathing, aka DUmmieland, where the comments are in Rant-and-Rage Red, while the cool, calm, and collected commentary of your humble guest correspondent Charles Henrickson, wearing Redbird Red tonight here in St. Louis, is in the [brackets]:

Please, for the Love of God and all us children - Please Mr. President, Shoot to Kill Monday Night

[DUmmie jsmirman invokes "the love of God" in his request to the President to "shoot to kill" Mr. Romney. Nice.]

I just want to hear that our President is:

A) Doubling down on debate practice and priming this final kill shot to polish off this clown once and for all . . .

[I'm sure Our President is clinging to his gun even as we speak.]

B) Doubling down on the hate - You hate this f***ing liar, Mr. President, don't go forgetting that.

[Nasty, tricksy Romneyses! We hates them!]

This @$$hole stood up there, even in debate #2, and said he didn't believe in employers telling employees they couldn't have contraceptives covered under their health insurance, when THAT IS NOT HIS F***ING POSITION.

[Memo to DUmmie jsmirman: When dealing with this topic, you may want to avoid talking about someone's "f***ing position."]

Obama let his hate and his annoyance with Romney go on Tuesday night, and he did it in his uniquely Obama way where it didn't even come off as dickish.

[Now, however, DUmmie jsmirman WANTS Obama to get all dickish on his ass.]

C) Hold him down for his incoherent, embarrassing, Bush-adviser dominated backward-looking bullsh*t mess of anything resembling a foreign policy.

[Ha! I KNEW Bush had something to do with this!]

Mostly, what I am saying is F*** HIM UP.

[Such elegance of eloquence!]

This is foot on the throat, no this guy is not getting back up again, time to PUT IT ON HIM time.

[Step on it!]

Dear Lord, let our President not go back to being the nice guy he naturally is. Keep him nice, but keep him in touch with his inner dick.

[Somehow I'm not sure that this is a prayer our dear Lord finds pleasing. But that's me.]

What is the exact format, and what can people tell me about what to expect . . . on Monday night?

[The format is the standard "Democrat and moderator gang up on, interrupt, and short-change the Republican" format we've grown so used to. And we can expect it will work about as well as the other debates this month, which is, it won't work. Obama's abysmal record is a stubborn thing.]

It just scares the crap out of me to hear people say, oh, right, the Foreign Policy debate, well that one's going to be a slam dunk for the President. . . .

[Especially because, instead of a slam dunk, it's more likely to be an air ball.]

That is a very successful and tried and true method for victory in sports. The great ones always get laser-focused when the chance to put the game away presents itself. In my time, and on my level, I was vicious in those spots.

[In other words, jsmirman, you were an uncoordinated klutz and fouled out.]

Kick this @$$hole off the cliff.

[So Our President can have the opportunity to drive us off the fiscal cliff.]

[The Peace, Love, and Tolerance Community now responds . . .]

Good rant.

[Needs more uncontrollable rage, though.]

I agree. Stomp on it.

[jsmirman gets the DUmmieland Stomp of Approval.]

Obama, Biden, and SOS Clinton have done an amazing job at rebuilding the US' reputation in the rest of the world.

[That worked so well at our embassies in Cairo and Benghazi, didn't it?]

Now, they're going to claim fires all over the Middle East is the failure of the Obama foreign policy - what's everyone's best answer on that?

[Just . . . SING . . .]

Tune: "Springtime for Hitler"

Terrorists were having trouble
What a sad, sad error
Needed an enabler
To restore their reign of terror

Where oh where was he?
Where could that man be?
We looked around
And then we found
Obama wants us free

It's Arab . . .
Springtime for Egypt and Libya
The Brotherhood is happy and gay
We did our big Benghazi job
We're glad, glad as a Nazi mob

Springtime for Egypt and Libya
Winter for Christians and Jews
Springtime for Egypt and Libya
Come on, Muslims, get over your blues . . .

Mobs are now a Cairo factor
Copts will need a chiropractor . . .

Don't be stupid, don't you be odd
Come and join the Muslim jihad . . .

It's Arab . . .
Springtime for Egypt and Libya
Burkas will work as a rule
Bombs blowing up a crowd again
Jihad is proud and loud again

Springtime for Egypt and Libya
Springing up riots galore
Springtime for Egypt and Libya
Means that soon we'll be blowin'
We've got to be blowin'
You know we'll be blowing up more!

I went ahead and wrote The President's opening statement. . . . There is an old Celtic Proverb that states: Never give a sword to a man who can't dance. Now, I don't know Mr. Romney well personally, and have not spent any time with him privately. But from what I have seen PUBLICLY, based on that ancient logic, I would not trust my opponent with a Pop-Gun, let alone command of the most effective (War)Ship of State the Earth has known since at least the time of Genghis Khan.

[Look what happened when we gave the pop-gun to Chimpus Khan!]

Governor Romney, the floor is yours.

[President Obama, Benghazi is yours.]

I'm looking for a knockout in the first round on Monday night!

[BO with the KO! You know, for a wimpy bunch of wusses, these guys sure like their violent imagery!]

Really not a good metaphor in national politics. Remembr Palin gunsights metaphor & Gabby Giffords.

[Yeah, I remember how you guys wrongly blamed Palin for the actions of a crazed lefty loon. But if your point is pointing out the HYPOCRISY of the Left displayed on this thread. . . .]

Please reconsider this type of rhetoric. IMHO, language like "shoot to kill" should not be used. . . .


We should not be hypocrites.

[DUmmie Odin2005, a Kewpie Doll with you, sir!]

They need to fine tune/recalibrate Benghazi.

[The Muslim Butcherhood wants to recaliphate Benghazi.]

Romney is ruthless.

[Obama is truthless.]

Time for the Five Finger Death Punch

[More likely Obama the weasel would just give him the One Finger Salute.]

Curb stomp the slimy SOB, Mr President. Twice or three times. Throw him into the dustbin of history and dump a ton of moldy vegetables on him. End this silly fker's despoiling of the political landscape once and for all.

[Rage! Hate! Violence! That's the spirit, DUmmieland!]

Are the polls showing any bounce from debate 2?

[Binders full of ROMNEY bounce!]

Obama needs to be as tough on any of this nonsense as Biden was with Ryan, although he doesn't need to borrow Joe's laughing jags.

[Oh, why not? Barry needs to go up and SLUG Romney and then LAUGH over his fallen ass, like Clay taunting Liston! We haters gotta hate!]

[BTW, after having this thread up all day, DUmmie jsmirman FINALLY edited out the "shoot to kill" language. But it was there all day, and jsmirman only yielded after several complaints. He actually LIKED the imagery. But don't worry, jsmirman, we'll keep a record of it here for you! Hee! Hee!]

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Obama Campaign Theme Song

Soooooo... What costume will you be wearing at the Million Puppet March in Washington on Nov. 3? I mean this is THE march of our generation and one does want to wear the proper attire. Personally I am torn between wearing a Big Bird costume or appearing as a Temporary SockPuppet. Since maybe half of the marchers will be appearing as Big Bird perhaps the Temporary SockPuppet would be the way to go although I worry that a certain faux bouncer from Boston might show up in that costume. Perhaps appearing as a Binder would be the way to go but, again, I worry that others will also wear the same outfit so maybe the way to go is by appearing in something totally unexpected like a Breakfast Burrito costume. 

Anyway, with the Big Bird issue being hyped by the Obama supporters, here is the perfect SONG for that campaign. Its both catchy and simple. Very simple like the rest of the Obama campaign issues. Listen and enjoy!

BTW, I was seeing if I could DUFU the DUmmies reacting to the latest Gallup poll but they are currently avoiding that very painful topic. Instead they are obsessing on Big Bird and Binders. See you at the Million Puppet March, DUmmies!!!

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

KOmmies Depressed by Own Poll

Well, the reactions to the polls in DUmmieland are happening EXACTLY as predicted. Weeks ago the DUmmies were doing victory dances in the end zone over the early poll results showing Obama as the clear winner. Of course, those polls bore NO relation to reality and it was predicted that as we get closer to the election, the poll numbers will be forced to more accurately reflect reality. Now the tone in DUmmieland is much different: ANGER at the polls and the DUmmies now questioning their accuracy. However, there is one BIG problem. A KOmmie poll released today shows Romney SURGING past Obama as you can see in this KOmmie thread, Daily Kos/SEIU State of the Nation poll: Romney's best numbers of the week. Since the KOmmies can't attack the veracity of their own poll their reaction is one of depression. DEEEEEEP depression. So let us now watch the KOmmies mourn their own poll results in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, giving a shoutout to the Prozac-based community, is in the [barackets]:

 Daily Kos/SEIU State of the Nation poll: Romney's best numbers of the week 

[Gee! What happened to that Smilin' Joe bounce?]

The candidates for President are Democrat Barack Obama and Republican Mitt Romney. If the election was today, who would you vote for?

Obama 46 (47)
Romney 50 (49) 

[LOUSY RIGHTWING POLL! Ooops! That's our own poll results.]

At a time when other polls are moving back in the president's direction, our own weekly poll by Public Policy Polling saw the opposite—a two-point Romney gain. Per day: 

Friday (38%) Obama 47, Romney 49
Saturday (39%) Obama 49, Romney 47
Sunday (24%) Obama 43, Romney 55 

[I wanna make a reservation on the Heaven's Gate mother ship!]

That Sunday sample, about a quarter of the total, was entirely responsible for Romney's favorable numbers. That's why the good pollsters collect data over multiple days, to smooth out such irregularities. And at 400 respondents (or so), Sunday had a single-day MoE of 4.9 percent. Lots of polls float around with worse. On the other hand, Saturday's sample MoE was 3.92 percent, while Friday's was 3.97 percent. And with no external news even suggesting the big Sunday collapse, it certainly smells like an outlier. 

[It took a few days to realize just what a shmuck Smirkin' Joe was.]

Moving on: 

Swing state Obama 47, Romney 50
Blue state Obama 52, Romney 45
Red State Obama 40, Romney 56 

[May I borrow your L-pill? I'll give it right back.]

Two weeks ago, it was Obama leading Romney 50-46 in the Swing states. But he was also winning Blue states by 56-37, and losing Red states by just 41-52. Actually, the change in Red states is smaller (-5) compared to Blue states (-12) and Swing states (-7).Finally, a demographic note—in this poll, 44 percent of respondents were conservative, compared to 16 percent who were liberal. In 2008, 34 percent were conservative, and 22 percent were liberal. Now this could point to a bad sample, or it could point to depressed enthusiasm among our base. Let's really hope it's the former. 

[But it will probably be the latter. Now on to the depressed KOmmie reaction...]

This is beginning to look like 2004. A razor thin margin for the Republicans. 

[As razor thin as 1980.]

The Republican Party is now the sworn enemy of the United States of America. 

[You can carry that inscription with you to your Walmart Detention Center in November.]

You should unskew this poll. 

[How about if we undo reality?]

Obama comes in, saves the economy, ends Iraq, gets bin Laden, and this is the thankd he gets? All I know is if he loses, I am becoming a low info voter. Just headlines. 

[Yeah, the economy is doing just great and don't you love how the completely defeated Al Qaeda made barely an impression in Benghazi?]

I believe the 2012 electorate will be more like 2008 than 2010.
I also believe that polls of RV are more accurate than polls of LV. 


Obama has a chance to get women back nationally 

[The ones that Smirkin' Joe lost?]

Obama's trump card this entire election has been his favorability edge over Romney. The first debate all but ended that. I think it is going to be very difficult for Obama and his team to repaint Romney as the out-of-touch plutocrat that they had created prior to that first debate. Voters are now willing to give Romney the benefit of the doubt, and they're still unhappy about the economy 

[A mint flavored L-pill is in the mail.]

As I said somewhere else, an entire Summer worth of work was just thrown in the trash. Mainly because the president didn't repeat any of the things we've been running against Romney all year long. 

[But wasn't that visit to Hoover dam worth it all?]

I said it debate night and I'll repeat it again: The candidate caused this mess and only the candidate can fix it. I don't care how much folks here think double phonebanking is going to make people not believe what they see and hear with their own eyes. Only Obama can convince his people. 

[Not if it interferes with his golf game.]

Contrary to the idea that Obama never makes any political mistakes, he makes quite a lot. I really don't think he's the masterful politician a lot of people make him out to be. And right now I'm not even sure he wants to be reelected. We'll see tonight, but if it's another phoned in performance, then that will convince me that he doesn't. 

[HERETIC!!! You dare to question the infallibility of the Lightworker?]

I've been thinking the same lately, that, contrary to his supporters' desires, President Obama really doesn't want a second term. I don't blame him -- given his record thus far, his legacy can only get worse in a second term. 

[Your Kewpie doll has already been shipped.]

He's not enjoying being president. He probably wants out. But I think his visceral dislike for Mitt Romney probably animates him more than his lack of joy at being president. 

[Obama hates the thought of Romney wearing an Air Force One windbreaker.]

Hopefully NOW people understand those of us who were REALLY upset with Obama after the first debate. All that money and all that work down the shitter because the President was poorly prepared for the most important night of this campaign. 

[But the Hoover dam sidetrip was definitely worth it.]

bama not the best man for this job, unfortunately 

[Congratulations! It took you only 4 years to figure that out.]

American Leftists, "To Weird to Live, to Rare to Die." 

["Too DUmb to Spell."]

Are we looking at a collapse of Obama's numbers? I ask, particularly, because of the PPP swing state numbers and the tightening in places like PA. Today's Quinnipiac in PA has Obama +4. Their last poll there had him +12. I'll be honest, this stuff is starting to turn my stomach. 

[Take two Tum's and an L-pill in the morning.]

This up and down feeling is truly to affect me.... I try to stay positive, but....:o( 

[But the Heaven's Gate Mother Ship is being held in reserve.]

Momentum not on our side. Barring a major Romney mistake, Romney more likely to become president. 1980 again? 

[Hello, is this the Heaven's Gate Mothership? Could you beam me up now and spare me the agony?]

The President has to knock out Romney tonight It cannot be a draw. And the President has to do it and personalize. What has bothered me since the first debate is how quickly the President's lead evaproated. What it told me was his support had always been thin and people WANTED to vote against him. 

[Don't worry. The Bamster will put his impressive people skills into play tonight.]

I don't know how to BE right now facing the increasingly real possibilty that our country, and the world, as acramer says, will be headed into a Dark Ages or worse. 

[No. You'll be headed to the Walmart Detention Center.]

It doesn't make sense that one event could make such a difference. Then again, we heard it said over and over again that no incumbent whose ahead before the debate has lost an election because of that debate. And yet, here we are.......worried that Obama will lose the election. Sorry but its not adding up. 

[Oh, it's adding up. Mitt was the Toto who pulled back the curtain in the first debate to reveal that the Might Ozbama was just an inept shmoe.]

I don't know if I can take this anymore. If Romney is elected, don't put your money in a bank. 

[Invest in a one-way ticket to Pyongyang.]

Would be very interested in the timing of when people were polled Sunday. After church? 

[Yup! They were polled the very moment they left St. Matthew's Church in Bonne Terre.]

But I think everybody but Obama has been giving 110%. Now it's time for him to step up. 

[And give his full 1%.]

Friday, October 12, 2012

The Biden Bounce: Smirkin' Joe Crazier thrills the DUmmies!

Arrogant, condescending, rude, obnoxious, smug, smirking, snarky, disrespectful: No wonder the DUmmies loved him! Who am I talking about? Smirkin' Joe Crazier, of course. Joe the Jackass. Joker Joe. Smirky the Jerk. In other words, Joe Biden, the Vice President of United States, who made a complete ass of himself last night. It wasn't the gaffes this time, it was the laughs--and the grins, and the eye-rolls, and the interruptions, and the dismissive, derisive comments. . . . In short, everything you're taught NOT to do in junior-high debate club, the nearly 70-year-old Joseph Robinette Biden, Jr., in political office for 40 years, did last night.

Who came off as the mature one last night? 42-year-old Paul Ryan, who kept his cool and tried to make serious points about serious subjects. By contrast, Biden the boorish buffoon came off as an immature punk.

But the DUmmies lapped it up. They thought Joe PWNED Ryan! They loved it! Little do they realize, though, that such boorish behavior TURNS OFF most decent Americans, especially the voters the Democrats need the most: independents, undecideds, and (gasp) women. Joe's act may play well with the MSNBC crowd, but if the DUmmies think there's going to be a Biden Bounce, they're sadly mistaken. Besides, VP debates rarely move the needle.

We will get the DUmmie reaction from their five official debate threads, beginning with this THREAD, "******OFFICIAL BIDEN/RYAN DEBATE THREAD #1******"

So let us now go to one of the few places that was NOT disgusted with Biden's boorishness, i.e., DUmmieland, in Boorshevik Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, who literally does sponsor a debate club at his daughter's school, is in the [brackets]:


[No, the asterisks are not hiding DUmmie "F"-words this time. They're actual asterisks.]

I see the look in Biden's eye. He's ready to pounce. . . .

[First the pounce, then the bounce! The Biden Bounce!]

He's loaded for bear. . . .

[I think they loaded Joe up on Red Bull before the debate.]

He looks like a shark.

[He looks like a snark.]

"Malarkey!" Go, Joe!

[Snarky! Go, Joe! Keep doing that!]


[The DUmmies think they're watching a wrestling match, and they're cheering for the villainous "heel" against the virtuous "face."]

He is kicking ass. Love the expressions on his face while Ryan is blathering.

[How to Win Friends and Influence People--NOT!]

Don't smile so hard, Joe. . . . Joe is laughing a bit too hard. It does not look good to me.


I worry he's laughing too much. He laughs when he is ready to pounce. But how will indies view it?

[Nonsense! Who needs 'em anyway?]

"This is a bunch of stuff" LMAO! GO JOE

[Stay classy, Joe!]

Joe's WTF looks are absolutely priceless.

[Turning off independents, undecideds, and women by the boatloads--and it's absolutely FREE! Thanx, Joe!]



i think he's laughing too much. people out there may think it's disrespectful. . . .

[Naah! Not a chance!]


[Joe closes the Arousal Gap.]

Joe needs to cut down on the open laughing a little bit makes a point, too much is over the top.

[NO! There can never be enough!]

Joe needs to quit smirking - it's not professional. . . .



[Joe heads up the Democrats' Rabid Response Team.]

I love his straight forward demeanor.

[Da meaner demeanor.]

I can hear the RW critics now; "Joe was RUUUUUUDE!"

[Actually, that's what just about every analyst and focus group in America said after the debate.]

This is a master class in debating. . . .

[Joe is master-debating right there on national TV.]

Joe Biden is qualified to be president . . .

[. . . of the Obnoxious Jerks of America Society.]

I hope that is the take away from this for the average viewer.

[No, I think the "take away" from this will be that . . . they're coming to take Joe away, ha ha . . . to the funny farm, where life is beautiful all the time. . . .]

I'm not a guy but I have a boner right now. . . .

[Is that you, Rachel Madcow?]

SOMEONE needs to "blow their top" show some passion or SOMETHING!!!

[Watch out! Joe is blowing his top! The plugs are becoming unplugged! Duck!]

Joe does seem to get so angry all he can do is smile and laugh at him- which is unprofessional and rude but at least it is emotion.

[Unprofessional and rude--a SURE way to win over those undecideds! Let the Biden Bounce begin!]

- - - - - - - - - -



Joey, Smirky,
Don't be so jerky;
Eye-rolls, faces,
You are abrasive.

I know you think you can debate,
And though you think you're really great,
I just sit by and let you
Search for nerves to grate.

And though I used to wonder why--
I thought that maybe you were high--
Now sometimes I think it's
That your brain is fried.

Oh, Joey, if you're smirkin', that is why.

Joey, dummy,
What is so funny?
Does unemployment
Give you enjoyment?

And if you mean to be so rude--
I guess you think you're being shrewd--
But if you think of who viewed,
Well, I guess you may be screwed.

Because it really doesn't work,
The folks are turned off by your smirk;
The people out there don't care
For a stupid jerk.

Oh, Joey, please be smirky all the more!

(Shiny dental break)

And if you mean to be so rude--
I guess you think you're being shrewd--
But if you think of who viewed,
Well, I guess you may be screwed.

Because the people that you irk,
Well, those are votes you shouldn't shirk;
The people out there don't care
For a stupid jerk.

Oh, Joey, please be smirky all the more!

Smirky all the more . . .

Smirky all the more . . .

Thursday, October 11, 2012

DUmmies mildly concerned, but help is on the way!

The DUmmies are starting to become--oh, how shall I put it?--mildly concerned about the upcoming election. I kind of picked that up here in this THREAD by DUmmie PCIntern, "This f***ing election best better f***ing work out in our favor."

Call me crazy, but it sounds like the DUmmies are not quite as confident as they once were that Our President will sweep to easy victory in November. A little anxiety seems to be creeping in. I know, I know, maybe I'm reading too much into things, but I do detect a note of angst.

But allay your fears! Come in off the ledge! Help is on the way! We'll tell you why, sampling several threads from the DUmp.

But first let us watch the DUmmies go into a free-flowing "F"-word frenzy, in Bolshevik Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, warming up relief asterisks in the bullpen, is in the [brackets]:

This f***ing election best better f***ing work out in our favor . . .

[Hey, relax, DUmmie PCIntern! I thought this thing was in the bag!]

or I am going to spend the next four f***ing years streaming Netflix movies and drinking heavily on weekends.

[OK, so, but what would be different?]

so I don't have to think about where the f***ing country is f***ing going.

[Not thinking should come easily to a DUmmie.]

I never thought. . . .


I never thought I could get this f***ing upset at my fellow f***ing Americans, but What The F*** is wrong with these f***ing morons?

[I sense a trend.]

These f***ing bastards led us into a ditch, pulled out the wires on the distributor cap, and left us for dead. And NOW these dumb-f***s are trying to put them back into the f***ing driver's seat?

[Leave the driving to us!]

[Thank you, DUmmie PCIntern, for that inspiring post. Now let us check in with your comrades . . .]

it's truly bizarre and confounding.

[It's F***ING bizarre and confounding. You left out the "F"-word. C'mon, you know better than that.]

I don't drink, but I'm right with you. . . .

[It's not too late to start. Make it a November resolution.]

You can never f***ing have too many f***ing f***s in the f***ing subject line. Best f***in believe.

[I F***ING BELIEEEEEEEEEEVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

How anyone in their right mind could vote for the idiots that continue to f*** us over is beyond me.

[The Irony is strong with this one.]

If it doesn't f***ing work out in our favor, then maybe you should instead spend the next four f***ing years just f***ing. As in, as many orgasms as it's possible for one human to have in a four year period.

[In the event of an election lasting more than four years, seek a flight to France.]

F*** and yes. And f***.

[Will Pitt chimes in. He's all in favor of drinking heavily on weekends.]

we survived Bush... but I don't really know if we will survive Romney

We made it through Bushco by the thinnest of margins. . . . Another Bushco could very well bring the end of the USA as we know it if not the whole planet.

[Start stocking up on the Grey Goose NOW!]

[Well, enough of this DUmmie Downer doom and gloom. Let's look on the bright side! Help is on the way! To wit . . .]

With Biden Up Next to Debate, Obama’s Aides Plot Comeback

[Help is on the way!]

I think Biden will take it to Ryan. He isn't Obama.
[Joe, Joe, he's our man! If he can't do it . . . well, we're screwed.]
Can't wait to see that war horse destroy that punk ass whippersnapper.
[Joe is the Battalion Stallion!]
Joe is going to pants Ryan and take his lunch money.
[Shaming Ryan's Privates.]
gee DU said Obama would destory Romney. we all know how THAT turned out
[It seemed he was NOT able to "destory" him.]
Biden has to rip off the gloves and lay into Punk Boy right out of the shoot! And I know where I'll be. Sitting ring side, with popcorn and a good, cold drink.
[I think we ALL should have a drink handy! Yes, it's the Joe Biden Drinking Game! Every time Slo-Jo says "middle-class," we should all take a swig! Drunk within the first five minutes!]
I think we see Biden unleashed in debate.
I know biden is well known for his gaffes, but, honestly....he is a breath of fresh air to me. . . .
[He's like a cheerleader on hard wood--he blows my mind!]
Who else is REALLY looking forward to Biden/Ryan?
I am not a big fan of Biden. . . . I cringe every time he goes off script. I hope they have him properly briefed.
[I hope they have RYAN properly briefed, for when Joe pulls his pants down!]
a tendency to say off the wall stuff. I hope they put a shock collar on him in case he says something really weird.
Ryan sure had some "cocky" answers for reporters today. . . . I PRAY HIS COCKINESS comes thru on every debate. . . .
[Ryan is too Kochy.]
I just want to see how many off-the-cuff wisecracks Biden makes. He's actually a very funny man.
[We at DUmmie FUnnies agree! Plugs is VERY FUnnie! He's Comedy Gold!]
Have Faith in Biden.
[Hardscrabble Joe to the rescue! He will TURN IT AROUND for Obama! The Biden Surge begins TONIGHT!]
Biden has chunks of Ryan in his stool Friday morning. . . .
[He'll need the Biden Bidet.]
He's a Honey Badger.
[Ryan is a Wisconsin Badger. And this . . . is a Li'l Beaver . . .]

Tuesday, October 09, 2012

Pied Piper Pitt Posts Presidential Poll Panic

As recently as yesterday the DUmmies were high-fiving each other over outdated poll results. Today, WILLIAM RIVERS PITT broke that jubilant "Freudenschade" mood by posting the "awful" truth from the latest polling: The latest battleground state and national polls are in. Yes, Will, the latest poll results are in and now the DUmmies are in a state of hilarious panic. Of course, Will himself comes in for a lot of abuse for even daring to post the poll results. So let us now watch the DUmmies drop their Freudenschade victory champagne bottles in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, placing an order for L-pill futures, is in the [barackets]:

View profile The latest battleground state and national polls are in 

[No, no! We want to remain in the Fantasyland of outdated poll results!]

The latest polls from the battleground states: 

Colorado: Romney 50%, Obama 46% (American Research Group) 


Ohio: Romney 48%, Obama 47% (American Research Group) 


Pennsylvania: Obama 43%, Romney 40% (Siena) 


The most recent national polls: 

DailyKos/Public Policy Polling: Romney 49%, Obama 47% 

[What? Even the KOmmies are showing Romney leading? I WANT MY L-PILL NOW!!!]

An entire Summer and early Fall's worth of gains have been all but wiped out. 

[Yeah, too bad you were lying on your couch that whole time while the Boston OWS protests were going on just a few blocks away from you. And now to the panicked DUmmies...]

Months of Romney blunders reversed by one night. Pathetic. Sometimes I hate this stupid country. 

[Only sometimes?]

I haven't heard much lately about what the President has done to save our economy? I forgot what he did?? 

[Presented a shovel ready manure project.]

I would agree with you, but the president did not really defend his record. I hope the people use their brains my friend. 

[In that case, Obama loses even more ground.]

All I've heard about is Big Bird. 

[That's the ticket! Base your ENTIRE campaign on Big Bird being laid off like millions of others.]

Agreed. And if Biden blows it on Thursday. we're gonna be in a world of hurt. I'm not sure I can bear to watch... 

[Good news! If you buy one L-pill right now from just $19.99, you get a second one ABSOUTELY FREE!!! ...Not that you'll need it.]

Poor Biden...the expectations being put on him are enormous .... 

[I've got a bottle of bartered Grey Goose that will ease him up...a lot.]

Reality sucks. 

[Pitt posts the obvious.]

I also troll the Freepers, a lot. They are being very quiet, and subdued, about Romney pulling ahead. VERY quiet. WHY do you think that is? 

[Maybe they want to avoid DUmmie hubris so as not to invoke the wrath of the Gloat Gods.]

The FIX is on. That is MY take living in a "battleground" state. 

[And we alread "FIXed" your Diebold machine. Hee! Hee!]

And we really think people give a shit about Big Bird when they can't put food on the table and the Middle East is in meltdown mode? 


I guess I missed the Big Bird Bounce 

[I remember Obama often flipping the Big Bird.]

At what point is WillPitt's increasing negativism simply an "I told you so" by WillPitt, with no other seeming purpose whatsoever. With this particular post, that seems to be what's going on. It's clearly not merely an information point, in any case. 

[Rove was indicted on May 12, 2006! I told you so!!!]

BTW, I notice you left one poll out -- the one from SurveyUSA showing us up by a point in Ohio. 

[A DUmmie grasping for polling straws.]

Nobody is in more danger Than the person who gets between WillPitt and a speculative thesis. That's been well known for years. That it is cashing out in this bizarre way is what's really surprising. He has to have been correct. That's a must. All else falls by the wayside. Scary. 

[Hey, WillPitt was absolutely correct about a certain indictment on May 12, 2006, wasn't he?]

I think it is time for me to stick my head in the sand..or throw up. 

[Try both.]

I'm going back to hating this country 

[Is that you, Moochell?]

This post really depresses me and I'm not sure exactly why. Maybe it's that I was looking forward to a 1964-style landslide for Obama and I may be disappointed or even devastated at what actually transpires. But I think it's also that, even if we grant that your post-debate numbers are legit, your OP offers no suggestions for how to reverse matters. And it's very late in the game now. What do you suggest we DO at this point? Or are you implying that the race is already over and Obama should start packing his bags? I don't get it. 

[I suggest you eat a large pepperoni and tranquillizer pizza so you can wake up on the other side of the election. It will be so much less painful that way.]