Thursday, September 30, 2010

Head DUmmie Skinner is BACK, and with a SURVEY!

Head DUmmie Skinner goes for months on end running DUmmieland like an absentee landlord. Inevitably, chaos ensues, the inmates get out of hand, they're at each other's throats, and so Skinner feels compelled to drop in and announce that FROM NOW ON, EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE DIFFERENT! But true to Skinner's indecisive and inconsistent nature, and true to the nature of DUmmies as DUmmies, before long the inmates are running the asylum again. And so it goes.

But that's what we love about the place! Skins's Island is our DUmmie Ant Farm, providing us with HOURS of endless entertainment! Take today's thread, for example. Head DUmmie Skinner announces the Next Big Thing that's going to FIX DUmmieland: The Dynamic DUo, Skinner and his Mini-Me, Assistant Head DUmmie EarlG (the two of them pictured above), are going to be taking a more "hands-on" approach and--ta da!--there's going to be A SURVEY! A "DUmmie Member Attitudes Survey"--yes, that'll fix everything! A bright new DUmmieland, where everybody gets along, is just around the corner! The Big Announcement is here in this
THREAD, "Hello, my name is David. I'm one of the administrators here on Democratic Underground." (Skinner's real name is David Allen.)

So let us now peer into our DUmmie Ant Farm and enjoy our own private reality show, "Skins's Island," in Bolshevik Red, while the commentary of yours truly, saying "Hello, my name is Charles Henrickson, I'm one of the humble correspondents here at DUmmie FUnnies," is in the [brackets]:

Hello, my name is David. I'm one of the administrators here on Democratic Underground.

[Skinner! So glad you could drop by! The inmates must have been running a little wild, eh?]

I was a more visible administrator before 2007.

[Ineffective, but at least not invisible like lately.]

That's when my first child was born. . . .

[Who was the sperm donor?]

EarlG, one of the other DU Administrators, has a similar story.

[He found a sperm donor too?]

I think it's apparent that it has not been a complete success.

[It's a parent.]

we both once again find ourselves with more time to devote to Democratic Underground. In other words: You'll be seeing us more often from now on.

[They're BACK! Oh, thank Gaia! Now everything will be FINE! The Dynamic DUo, back with a HANDS-ON approach!]

We signed a lease on a new office on Monday, so EarlG and I will be back together in the same room for the first time in three years.

[Skinner's mom is letting them use the attic.]

EarlG is back writing the Top 10 Conservative Idiots (at least until the elections in November).

[November, when your Progressive asses get WHIPPED by those Conservative Idiots!]

Tomorrow we will unveil our first-annual Democratic Underground Member Attitudes Survey.

[No, no, this is too much! The Dynamic DUo back, PLUS, a SURVEY?!?! Skinner, you are too good to us!! This is like the Golden Age of Everything dawning upon us from on high!]

The purpose of the survey is to collect some hard data to help us figure out who our members are, and how you feel about Democratic Underground.

[50% LOUSY FREEPER TROLLS, and, part two, we feel AMUSED!]

We hope that the results help give us some idea of where we go from here.

[Skinner is clueless.]

We're going to re-open the Ask the Administrators forum next week.

[Wow! Skinner and EarlG on the scene, a new Survey, AND Ask the Administrators! It's a Trifecta of Terrificness! DUmmieland is BACK, better than never!]

I know that Democratic Underground has seen some rough patches over the last year. . . .

["Rough patches"? You mean the constant civil war between the Progs and the Obamabots, the inconsistent tombstonings (of the Homo Community) and un-tombstonings (*cough* Pitt *cough*), the Rec/Unrec train wreck, the widely ignored DUmmieland Rules, the Invasion of the Freeper Trolls, etc., etc., etc.? Those rough patches?]

I love this place. There still isn't any other place quite like it on the Internet.

[It's a never-failing comedy goldmine, the mother lode! THANX, Skinner! Now let's hear from your loyal subjects . . .]

"re-open the Ask the Administrators" that forum . . . bled some of the lunacy/emotion from the main forums.

[Impossible. You cannot take the lunacy out of the main forums. That would be like trying to take the water out of the ocean.]

So the Skinner Box is back in play?

[Push the lever, and you get a food pellet, not an electric shock. Skinner will train you to be good, obedient, little DUmmies.]

Will the Hate Mailbag ever come back?

[DUmmieland IS a Hate Mailbag.]

are our trolls no longer interesting?

["Guess the Troll" only adds to the FUn!]

Hmm, maybe we should have a Sock Drawer in addition to a hate mailbag. For those "new" DUers who seem eerily familiar.

[Temporary Sockpuppets rising from the grave!]

Skinner and EarlG. . . . These two men apparently had no qualms whatsoever about taking on "traditionally" women's roles - those of being the primary caretaker for their children. That type of enlightenment and male/female equality can only flow into their oversight of this forum.

[DUmmieland, Home of the Emasculated Male.]

Welcome back to the forums! Skinner and EarlG! Elad, we love talking to you too. No, I'm not sucking up. You are genuinely thoughtful guys.

[Good little DUmmie! Here's a food pellet.]


[WHEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! We're gonna have a Survey, we're gonna have a Survey. . . .]

I'm a newer member . . .

[I.e., a LOUSY FREEPER TROLL. . . .]

now that dad's back, we probably should clean up a few of those piles of Cheetos that have been strewn about here and there. And maybe stash the blow-up dolls and other assorted toys in the closet.

[And pick up the pizza boxes while you're at it, mister!]

The member survey is a great idea.

[Even though it will do NOTHING. But we'll feel better about it.]

What's the plan for maintaining anonymity? Will anyone know who wrote what?

[Big Brother is watching you. You see that little webcam thingie on your computer? EarlG is looking at you, writing things down, even as we speak.]

So how are we to get any credit for super ass kissing?

[benburch wants to know.]

I have asbestos underwear.

[Democratic Undergarments.]

Darn. No more food fights in the cafeteria.

[Look, the vegans were always at a disadvantage anyways. . . .]

DU needs some attention - that's for certain.

[Seek professional help. An appointment in early-to-mid November might be a good idea.]

I love DU. It's weird. . . . The only place I see DU is on this modern boob tube. Nowhere else does it exist.

[It's a magical place, full of boobs.]

there are disagreements and genuine conflicts between members due to heartfelt differences and occasional personality clashes, but underneath it all, DU is a true community.

[A Band of Moonbats.]

Can the three of you actually make a decent wage running DU?

[$kimmer is only $10 away from making a decent living. Press the Donation Lever and get a food pellet.]

Some of us don't really know what function DU serves other than as message board for food fights, where serious discussion is cut off by snark.

[That's about it. I think you've nailed it. It's the Daze of Whine and Poses.]

I wanna take a survey!!!

[a. DU rocks and Skinner rules!
b. Progressives are cool and freepers drool!
c. Can't we all just get along?
d. All of the above.]

Guess I can cancel my post titled "Please Kick and Rec this thread to make Elad get a vasectomy."

[Thank you. That will make a vas deferens.]

DU is the one thing that kept me sane. . . .

[Boy, are YOU in trouble!]

Actually, I don't think the new office is any better. But it doesn't smell like french fries, which is a plus.

[Skinner has been disenfrenchfried.]

The fact is, DU has some very active cliques. . . .

[Almost like rival street gangs. The Bloods and the Craps, the Mods and the Off-Their-Rockers. . . .]

Hi, I haven't been here that long but. . . .

[LOUSY FREEPER TROLL!!! Prepare for tombstoning!]

Oh, in all honesty, I love being able to cuss and read cuss words. . . .

[Well, you've come to the right place!]

Congratulations Mr. Skinner. I will definitely be filling in the survey and look forward to the Ask the Admin feature.

[Good DUmmie. Have a food pellet.]

If I might make one small suggestion. Please try and open up your forums to true debate. After my friend told me that he was banned from posts here because he said something critical of the left and positive about conservatives, I have been afraid ever since to say my real feelings out of fear.

[And you with only 15 posts?? NOT well played, LOUSY FREEPER TROLL!!!]

if you want to praise conservative positions There's always Free Republic to go to.

[Where do you think all of your trolls are coming FROM??]


Anonymous Jerome Goolsby said...

Well, this should be entertaining.

But Charles, I have to take issue with that "sperm donor" remark. Seems quite harsh unless you know something I don't.

6:38 PM  
Anonymous KAYINMAINE said...


12:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"I have been afraid ever since to say my real feelings out of fear."-DUmmie

Sorry DUmmie, Skinner will now be using the 10:10 Project response for dissenters. Moderators will be provided with red buttons to violently murder anyone who fails to conform with their rules.

No pressure.

12:01 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Gee, a photo of Joe "Bite Me" with his standard "I'm stupid as a fucking fencepost" smile on his face...big whoop.

And what the flying fuck is "INLIGHTINIDMENT"? That's Trogladyte-speak if I've ever heard it.

6:28 PM  

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