Sunday, August 08, 2010

Pitt is BACK!!!



AA-OOGA! AA-OOGA! Call off the DUmber Alert! Throw out your milk cartons! He's BAA-AACK!!!

The Pittster, I mean! Yes, William Rivers Pitt, aka Pied Piper Pitt, is BACK in DUmmieland! After a three-month time-out for bad behavior--Wee Willie cussed out and threatened DUmmie bobbolink, aka Bobo the Hobo, a homeless WOMAN--the resident rock star/bad boy of the DUmp finally was readmitted after DUing DUe penance. Papa Skinner has let his Prodigal back in the house!

It happened last night. Punxsutawney Will stuck his head out of the ground with this
THREAD, the succinctly titled, "Hey." And much rejoicing ensued! Our boy is BACK!! No reaction as yet, though, from the previously aggrieved Bobo the Hobo.

But before we get to the thread, since Pitt has ONCE AGAIN made a mea culpa and renounced his former views when they met with disapproval--Wee Willie is nothing if not a weathervane--we sing this golden oldie in his honor:

SELF-RECANTED EVENING
Tune: "Some Enchanted Evening"

Self-recanted evening,
When you see the flip-flops,
You may see where Pitt stops
Across the DUmmieland.
And somehow you know,
You know even then,
That sometime you'll see him
Recant once again.

Self-aggrandized weaving,
Bloviating windbag,
Going where the wind blows,
Not knowing where to stand.
He'll write to the left--
That's left to go right--
Will's so busy dancing,
He can't sleep at night.

Who can explain Pitt?
Who can tell you why?
Will gives two versions,
Neither one can fly.

Some fantastic FReeping!
Someone may be laughing,
You may hear the laughing
Among the DUFU fans.
And night after night,
When we go to bed,
That sound is our laughter--
Will Pitt's in our thread!

Once we have DUFUed
Will Pitt's swing and miss,
Then he'll discover
He can't recant this!

And now to . . . The Return of the Pitt! Bolshevik Red, brackets, you know the drill . . .

Hey

[Hey HEY!! It's PITT!!]

I have to go to work in 20 minutes. . . .

[20 business minutes. Bukowski's wants their bouncers there ON TIME!]

so I'm forced to make this quick and to the point.

[So unlike you, Will.]

I really, really, really f***ed up. . . .

[OK, let's get this mea culpa business out of the way and make it sound sincere. . . .]

and was banned.

[Banned, on the run. . . .]

The Admins recently decided to reinstate me. . . .

[After I paid them.]

I didn't deserve a second thought after the sh*t I pulled.

[I don't really believe that, though, because I am WILLIAM RIVERS PITT, fer cryin' out loud!]

I am truly sorry for my behavior.

[Is that enough groveling?]

I'm looking to be a good DU citizen from here on out.

[Yeah, right. The countdown is on till your next flare-up.]

So, hi. Don't call it a comeback. I've been here for years.

[Smiley-face back atcha, big boy! Yes, Will posted a smiley-face. Two of them, in fact. . . . Now the DUmmies react . . .]

wooooohoooooo !!

[WHEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

Ok then...have a beer to celebrate 2nd chances.

[Pitt will have 2 beers for each chance--which puts him up to about 48 beers.]

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Welcome home, Will, or should I say.......My dear Will!

[CaliforniaPeggy is positively ORGASMIC that her "dear Will" is back! . . . BTW, he still doesn't care for you, CaliforniaPeggy.]

Welcome back Will. Sh*t happens.

[Pitt happens.]

in your absence DU made sure that all of your FB postings were shared here.

[All his FBI postings? I didn't realize his crimes were that serious.]

(((HUGS))) ...to all. Off to work.

[Will, don't you think you're laying it on a bit thick? I mean, 17 smiley-faces with hearts?? Yes, 17!]

WILL!!!

[STILL!!!]

Welcome to DU!

[Hee! Hee!]

Another one back from the dead!

[Tombstones Aren't Forever.]

I have always so enjoyed your writing!

[Not as much as Will has!]

Tombstones ain't what they used to be. . . .

[A little payola to the mods, and all is well.]

You were gone?

[Rip Van DUmmie wakes up from a three-month nap.]

Chewing on republicans is much more fun with you in your seat at the table.

[benburch checks in.]

DU without Pitt is like Thanksgiving without the cranberry sauce.

[Or like a toilet without crap.]

wow, does this mean a reprieve for lots of others who were banned for lesser offenses?

[And so it starts. The Pitt Backlash.]

Hasn't been the same without you Will.

[Not as much crap.]

Nice!

[That's Doug's ex-wife, EFerrari, welcoming back Will. Sorry, Beth, you and CaliforniaPeggy are forgetting that Mr. Pitt is a married man now.]

By the way, how much did you pay Skinner to get back in???

[No, I did NOT see this post earlier!]

Your voice has been missed.

[Your gravelly, smoke-cured voice.]

Interesting how values go around here. Dissent not forgiven. Threats are. Weird.

[Money talks.]

Hey, c'mon now. It's an election year. The DLC needs all the help they can get.

[Hee! Hee! A slam against Will the Shill, Reliable Party Hack.]

Some posters, I guess, are just more equal than others.

[Pitt is the most equalest one of all, down on Skinner's Animal Farm.]

I'm not fond of the fact that no-one ever explains these internal DU scandals. I log on to DU six times a day, but I didn't see anything about this.

[You need to read the DUmmie FUnnies, philly_bob! We were all over it like white on rice.]

Apparently he threw down the guantlett in real life and wanted to bust some guy up.

[It was not a *guy*. It was a GAL, a homeless WOMAN! Big, strong Willie!]

All pretty amusing, in a nauseating sort of way.

[That's Pitt in a nutshell! Heck, that's *DUmmieland* in a NUtshell!]

I made some very vivid physical threats against another DUer. I deserved the ban in Technicolor.

[A WOMAN, Pitt, a WOMAN!]

The New Will Pitt sure is a buzz kill.

[Too remorseful, too nice. But don't worry, it won't last.]

Welcome back Sir Pitt.

[Sir William Pitt the Drunker.]

DU's own prodigal son returns. . . .

[Kill the fattened tofu!]

The Pitt with nine lives. . . .

[And furiosity killed eight of them.]

Plumb tickled to see your shiny pate once again.

[Paste Pated Pitt.]



Just remember, nine strikes and you're really out. Or maybe ten. Or eleven.

[Keep going. . . .]

You're an extremely smart & valuable member, and traps are being laid as we speak. For your own survival, please don't take the bait. . . .

[Survival of the Pittest.]

apparently rules don't apply to Mr BigShot himself.

[Nope! Not if you're a "star" and you pay off the mods!]

I hope I don't get banned for dissing the egomaniac. . . .

[Prepare for tombstoning in 5, 4, 3. . . .]

I expect an accurate count of your lucky stars within 24 hours.

[To which Pitt replies with his own DUFUesque retort . . .]

You mean business hours, I assume.

[Hee! Hee!]

- - - - -

UPDATE:

311. Locking

Locking at OP's request.

cbayer
DU Moderator


This is FUnnie! Even in his Return to DUmmieland, Pitt causes a stinkeroo! You see, a number of members of the LGBT the GLBT the homo community were stomping their little feet, unhappy that the Pittster got preferential treatment by being reinstated, while their homo tombstonees are still on the outside looking in. So Wee Willie didn't like this, and he had the thread locked!

8 Comments:

Anonymous Elrond Hubbard said...

Two DUmmies see the light and speak truth to Skinner:

"Interesting how values work around here. Dissent not forgiven. Threats are. Weird."

"Some posters, I guess, are just more equal than others."

Absofuckinlutely! When Pitt was banned I, Elrond Hubbard, predicted that he'd be back after some mea culpas and/or judicious bribes.

Anyway, he's back, he's bad. The DU's answer to a question no one's asked is sober and ready to kick Rethuglican ass. We can all look forward to over the top rhetoric that makes troglaman look like a pussy.

10:01 PM  
Anonymous Jerome Goolsby said...

Well, perhaps this will lighten Troglaman's mood since his alter-ego, William Rivers Pitt, is now back on the Moonbat Site (aka Democratic Underground).

2:12 AM  
Blogger Lazarus Long said...

Say, you don't think.......

Naw, it couldn't be.

6:10 AM  
Anonymous susieq2cute said...

All Dummies are interchangeable.....they're all crazy.

10:11 AM  
Blogger Beefeater said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

2:24 PM  
Blogger Beefeater said...

Pittster is back and Karl Rove just called him a bastard on a national radio show!

Well not by name, but sitting in for Rush today Karl said that during the "investigations" he was determined not to let the bastards grind him down.

Leopold/Pitt!! Ya hear that!

*evil Vincent Price laugh*

2:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Interesting how values go around here. Dissent not forgiven. Threats are. Weird." -DUmmie

Isn't this Kewpie Doll worthy?

8:47 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yup, Pitt is back ... sort of like a case of jock itch.

12:29 PM  

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