Tuesday, February 03, 2009

John Conyers Puts Another Log on the Sanjay Gupta Fire

You can always count on the DUmmies for not letting a controversy rest, even something as uncontroversial as the appointment of the Surgeon General. For some background on this, please see this previous DUmmie FUnnies EDITION entitled "DUmmies Outraged at Obama's Surgeon General Pick,"  and you'll see that many DUmmies were enraged over Obama's pick of Dr. Sanjay Gupta for Surgeon General.

The controversy died down a week or two later but was briefly reinvigorated this Sunday by an e-mail circulated by John Conyers urging people to sign a petition to demand what Conyers calls a "serious reformer" instead of Dr. Gupta as you will see in this DUmmie 
THREAD entitled "Conyers' petition to demand a "serious reformer" instead of "trial balloon" Sanjay Gupta for SG."

So now let us watch the DUmmies rehash the silliest debate this side of flavor country in Marlboro red while the comments of your humble guest narrator, Paul Heinzman, are in the [brackets].

Conyers' petition to demand a "serious reformer" instead of "trial balloon" Sanjay Gupta for SG

[The Surgeon General has determined that John Conyers is a clown.]

A new email is being sent out from Conyer's office to ask us to question whether Gupta should be the nominee for Surgeon General. We really need to get through Conyers' single payer plan bill through the house, and I sense he feels that Gupta will be a roadblock to this happening!

[If anyone listened to the Surgeon General we would have given up everything FUn by now. Well, except for ONE thing, right. I'm looking at YOU, Dr. Elders.

[What follows is John Conyers's e-mail, excerpted for maximum hilarity.]

Dear (Me):

[Spoken like a true liberal.]

Earlier this month I raised concerns about the trial balloon floated for Surgeon General, Dr. Sanjay Gupta.

[He pays his taxes. He won't fit in.]

The doctor is a health commentator for CNN who dispenses medical advice with a breezy style appropriately suited to the brief two-minute segments of television.

[The anonymity of being Surgeon General will drive him away from the job in six months. Yeah, more people have read the Surgeon General's warning than watch CNN, but "Cigarette Smoke Contains Carbon Monoxide" just doesn't have the flair of a TV spot.]

Act Now. Demand a Serious Reformer for Surgeon General.

[The Surgeon General's warnings are getting pretty stale. We need a reformer.]

Your Friend,
John Conyers, Jr.

[You're not my friend, buddy.]

The man's mastery of the Sternly Worded Letter literary form will be the stuff of legends.

[Hey, DUmmie BlooInBloo, making FUn of John Conyers is OUR job.]

Well, at least he did the SWL

[Yes, at least he has that going for him. Whatever that is.]

I don't want Sanjay either, so, uh, thanks John.

[Thank you for your, uh, "support."]

Maybe he should focus more on impeaching Bush

[That sounds like a PERFECT way for John Conyers to spend his time. He should chair a whole committee devoted solely to that goal for the next two years. He can even handpick the members, all the Democrats and RINOs he wants.]

If the Surgeon General is so meaningless, perhaps Obama should appoint YOU.

[It wouldn't make a bit of difference.]

naw, I'm not very personable.

[You wouldn't fit in on DU if you were.]

Plus I'm fat, nobody likes a fat guy telling them to eat healthy and get exercise.

[Yet Michael Moore did it anyway.]

Yeah, F**k Conyers on this one. I said it. I'm proud I said it. I unsubscribed to his emails over this.

[Touché, DUmmie WeDidIt. Conyers will think twice next time, now that he has tasted your wrath.]

Gupta is BAR NONE, the ABSOLUTE BEST choice for SG at this time
There has never been and never will be a better choice.

[The torch has been passed to a new generation of Surgeon General.]

Do you *know* Gupta?
I do. And he's an awful choice.

[Skilled neurosurgeon who is charismatic enough to give medical advice on a major news network and has probably helped millions. Yeah, he's gonna suck.]

Except for his response to "Sicko," I've liked him, but that's a pretty big "except for"....

[Anything involving Michael Moore involves a big "but."]

and for the Surgeon General- an MPH would also be appropriate.

[He looks pretty healthy. He could probably maintain 10-15 mph for a while.]

Yes, Leave SANJAY alone while he kisses the HMO's butts!?!

[I'm not familiar with that abbreviation in reference to the GLBT community, but somebody in Obamba's administration better kiss their butts since Obama dissed them with the Rick Warren choice.]

Sanjay Gupta is a JOKE, and I am more than disappointed with Obama for even considering him.
Add that on to my complete disgust with the stimulus he is shoving and you have a giant clusterf**k.

[So a trillion plus dollars of wasteful spending you could live with, but the Surgeon General pick just sent you over the edge?]


Anonymous elrond hubbard said...

Quick, name the last three Surgeons General!

The job of Surgeon General is totally worthless. Obama could have named Dr. Nick Riviera to the post with no effect on the health of the nation.

6:27 PM  
Anonymous Ray said...

"Dear (Me):

[Spoken like a true liberal.]"

LOL!!! Paul, you're in excptional form today. Keep up the good work.

9:23 AM  
Blogger Paul Heinzman said...

Thanks, Ray.

7:47 PM  

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