White House Conference Call Transcript
(It is early morning in the very recent past. A conference call which has become a daily ritual for over 15 years is taking place between White House Chief of Staff, Rahm Emanuel, James Carville, Paul Begala, and George Stephanopoulos of ABC's This Week.)
EMANUEL: #@$* YOU!!!
CARVILLE: How y'all doin'?
BEGALA: Good morning!
STEPHANOPOULOS: So what's the latest in talking points?
EMANUEL: #@$* LIMBAUGH!!!
CARVILLE: But Rush is just an entetaynah!
BEGALA: Wrong, James. Rush Limbaugh is more than an just an entertainer. He is a serious threat to our agenda.
STEPHANOPOULOS: So how should I present Rush this Sunday? As a harmless entertainer or as a threat to the nation?
EMANUEL: #@$* LIMBAUGH!!! I'm gonna send him a dead fish in the mail!
CARVILLE: If he is so much of a threat then just bring back the Fayness Doctrine to Hush Rush.
BEGALA: It can't be so obvious. We can't call it the Fairness Doctrine. Perhaps we can just repackage it in another name but with the same result...to get Rush off the air.
STEPHANOPOULOS: So I can say that the Fairness Doctrine won't be coming back this Sunday?
CARVILLE: Maybe we can kick off Hush Rush by removing him from Ahmed Forces Radio?
BEGALA: Good idea. The talking point will be that Rush, by attacking our beloved president, is sowing insubordination among the troops.
STEPHANOPOULOS: Slower so I can write down that talking point correctly.
EMANUEL: Rush Limbaugh...DEAD! Sean Hannity...DEAD! Laura Ingraham...DEAD! Michelle Malkin...DEAD! David Gergen...DEAD! ....Okay, just kidding about the last one.
CARVILLE: AHAHAHAHAHA!!! Who says you don't have a sense of humor, Rahm?
BEGALA: We have to neutralize Rush right now because we need some Republican support for our stimulus package.
CARVILLE: Yeah, that way if it fails, we can claim that Republicans voted for it too. Spread the blame around.
BEGALA: We can make Limbaugh the focal point of our attacks. Paint him as an extremist and suggest that Republicans shouldn't listen to him. Then when we get a few Republicans on our side with the stimulus vote, we can portray Limbaugh as irrelevant.
STEPHANOPOULOS: Should I make that just a plain extremist or right-wing extremist on Sunday's program? And should I wait until after the vote before claiming that Rush is irrelevant?
CARVILLE: This is a win-win situation for us. Rush loses his credibility and Republicans will become so frightened of being labeled as extremist that at least a few of them will come on board with the stimulus package. There is no way Rush can come out ahead on this.
STEPHANOPOULOS: But what if Rush finds out about this plan? And what happens if no Republicans in Congress support the stimulus package?
BEGALA: Not likely to happen. At least a few Republicans will support the package and how could Rush ever find out about our plan to marginalize him?
CARVILLE: Ah lahk it! We mahginalize Rush by claiming he is the spokesman for raght-wing extremism... Hey! Mary! How long y'all been standin' behind me?
BEGALA: Oops! We better sign off for today.
CARVILLE: Bye y'all!
STEPHANOPOULOS: So do you think it would be better if I refer to Rush Limbaugh as a spokesman for right-wing extremism or as a spokesperson for right-wing extremism? The latter sounds less sexist. Hello?...Hello?