Wednesday, October 01, 2008

"Anybody here have pre-birth memories?"

For some reason I am sort of "politicked out" today. Therefore I went to my tried and true DUmmie Astrology forum to find some non-political flat out NUts thread to DUFU. I was not disappointed as you can see from this DUmmie THREAD titled, "Anybody here have pre-birth memories?" You know what I call someone who claims to have pre-birth memories besides being flat out NUts? I call them a liar. And the DUmmies are both. The very earliest memory your correspondent has is when he was three years old and living at Geneva-On-The-Lake in Ohio. Yes, my very first memory in life is of the waves of Lake Erie lashing up upon the shore. I was tossing a beachball into the air while yelling, "Herbie! Herbie!" Herbie being a chubby young companion of mine at the time. I wish I could tell you of the in-depth conversations Herbie and I had discussing politics and philosophy but that is the sum total of my memory of that time. But the DUmmies are somehow on a higher plane in their own minds so some of them claim they have pre-birth memories. You know what? I'm GLAD I don't have pre-birth memories. One thing I don't want to remember is floating inside a womb for month to month bored out of my mind. No TV. No computer. No nothing. Just darkness and the occasional hand shove by someone in the outer world to see if I was there. Yeah, I was there and thankfully I have NO memory of it. So let us now watch the DUmmies as they discuss their pre-birth memories in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, wondering if there is life after birth, is in the [brackets]:

Anybody here have pre-birth memories?

[Wouldn't that sort of be an argument against abortion?]

Not many people talk about it. I have memories from the time before we chose our bodies this time around and planning certain events. Anybody else?

[You want me to believe that Helen Thomas had a choice of bodies? Ha!]

Have you ever read "Journey of Souls" by Dr. Michael Newton?

[No but I'll mark it down as New Age bilge that I have no interest in reading.]

Tell us about your prebirth memories. I don't have any and would love to hear about yours.

[Month 1: Utter darkness. Month 2 thru 8: Utter darkness. Month 9: Utter darkness...no wait! I see some light at the end of the tunnel!]

They are a little hard to describe but basically I remember being light with no body, just a concentration of light energy. The place we were in, (there were lots of us) was very bright and we were planning our lives. It was almost like a game. We, (the close friends that I would spend this life with) were planning specific events that we would experience together, choosing our parents and such. Even some of the beings that were to be my pets were there. That was part of why they were coming back as another animal, so that I would take care of them.

[What kind of poker were you playing while you waited around? Holdem or draw?]

The best way I can describe the planning is that it was like a simulator where we would see certain things play out and then we would get information like, "this is going to really hurt or you are going to find this a real challenge. It seemed strange at the time but the answer was that once we got to this place, that emotions would be involved and that would make things more difficult.

[Becoming a DUmmie is really going to hurt.]

I also remember each of us going off by ourselves with some guide to plan some individual things, some happy, some tragic or frightening. I also remember that we could merge and become one with a larger light and just become a part of it. And then I remember going into the body before I was born and then parts of actually being born.

[Too bad for the ones that got aborted. No sweetness and light for them.]

My mom was actually shocked when, as a little kid, I kept telling her about this dream I had of a room with steel and these green tile on the walls. And being cold and these people carrying me around. She confirmed it was the room I was born in.

[Lucky you that the room didn't have a sign saying: "Abortion Clinic."]

Anyway, that's about it. It's been with me as long as I can remember

[Thanx for sharing...I think.]

I totally believe you, and this is the coolest damn post I've ever read! Thanks for sharing this. It made my day.

[I BEEEEELEEEEEEVE!!!]

I really wanted to share it because I've only ever told a couple of friends, and haven't heard much discussion about it. I know other people must have experienced it too, as one of the other posts confirmed.

[Somehow I don't think NARAL wants to hear about your pre-birth memories.]

Can you go into any more detail? Anything else you remember?

[What was the Dow Jones average at on the other side?]

Just really random things...like the planning of certain events. I know there are a couple of things that are supposed to happen yet in my life that I remember planning.

[Your confinement to the rubber room is yet to happen.]

All I can remember is the actual birth process. That it was as painful for me as my Mom. I recall going down in a dark tunnel, and being welcomed by a bright light, then getting my butt slapped and screaming. I was born in a boarding house in N.Y. State. I have memories of the house as a toddler, like learning how to get down the circular wood staircase on my butt !! Wish I could remember as much as you. Maybe I could with regression.

[Do you remember the "body sculpting" performed upon your tiny talleywhacker? That's another early memory that I don't miss.]

Wait, you remember going into your body before you were born?
I always thought incarnation took place when the human body took its first breath.

[That is more in line with NARAL doctrine.]

I have very fond memories, and at the age of 4 wanted to chuck it all and go back. I had a wonderful group of very loving beings to hang with. Also, making the decisions for this life on that side seemed like a walk in the park compared to how they've worked out on this side. Thankfully the other side still communicates when they can get through to me and they laugh at the serious person I have become over here.

[After Election Day, Nov. 5, I suspect a lot of your fellow DUmmies will want to chuck it all and return to the womb.]

That's very similar to my experiences. It's so nice to see that other people have them too.

[I call those other people your Rubber Room Roommates.]

Um, don't know if this qualifies, but I had a regression to
my pre-birth planning session. I was being led to a huge amphitheater by my guide. The Elders were sitting around a giant oval-shaped crystal table. The amphitheater was full of people. I was told that these people were going to be here on earth with me and that I was to "awaken the others". It was very real and I have had this directive verified to me many times since.

[Liar! Everybody knows those pre-birth planning session tables are wood, not crystal.]

I can find out precisely WTF I was thinking when I decided to sign up for participating in the Ascension process. 'Cause the way I feel about it now? Worst. Decision. Ever.

[Another way of saying, "I wish I was never born."]

I ahve done holotropic breathwork a few times..

[Don't we all?]

It is also used for "re-birthing" work, very similar to shamanic journeying... but more physical.

[Shamanic journeying courtesy of sham memories.]

One session, I was "stuck" in the birth canal. The teacher pushed my body physically through her legs, and I really "felt" the pressure of the birth canal, and then they all held me and whispered, "we're so glad you're here!" An experience that I never really had, I know my birth was hard for my mom, I came 10 days early, on New year's eve...and they wanted me to be a new years baby so they joke about having held my mom's legs together till midnight! Little did I know, that I remembered being stuck! I am also very claustrophobic, mostly in the dark, too... And I certainly don't remember my family or anyone saying they were glad to see me. They wanted a boy, and when the doctor told my dad he had another daughter, he said "can i see HIM?" (another thing the family jokes about...haha)

[Too bad your brain still remains stuck in that birth canal.]

24 Comments:

Anonymous Adam said...

LOL!
That was priceless!
If any of them actually believe that, I wonder what their stance is on abortion!

1:22 PM  
Anonymous Corona said...

"Anybody here have pre-birth memories?"

"[Wouldn't that sort of be an argument against abortion?]"

Perfect opening statement.
The "delusions of grandeur"-ometer is buried in the red with these perpetual adolescents. I never thought I would say this, but I think I actually have more respect for Furries.

2:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow. These people are doing some serious acid.

3:30 PM  
Anonymous elrond hubbard said...

I rememeber being light with no body...the Elders sitting around a giant oval-shaped crytal table...Ascension process...holotropic breathwork..shamanic journeying

T-man, this sounds like your path to political awareness.

3:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Seriously, what the F*** is wrong with these people? These are people who are allowed to vote? Are you F***ING kidding me? Thread after thread of absolute nonsense and lunacy. No wonder Cynthia McKinney was able to get elected.

7:04 PM  
Anonymous Skully said...

LOL!!! WOW!! I wanna smoke some of whatever they are smoking.

I have a question. What happens when all these "beings of light" are hanging out in their little pre-birth limbo, and one of them are subject to abortion?? Do they trun into shadow?? Or get to pick another body?? or do they spend eternity in prebirth limbo with forceps stuck in the base of their skull?? What trimester are these beings in ...0, -1 ?? Do these beings have Constitutional rights?? Do they pay taxes?? I don't know what's worse a death tax or a pre-birth tax. Do beings of light go potty?? If so what the hell do they eat that would make them go?? Is gas cheaper there?? What kinda of Cable channels do they get?? How many Electoral votes does this place have? Who do the latest limbo polls have ahead?? My guess would be McCain...their lives kinda depend on it. Do they do the limbo in limbo?? WOOOOW THIS IS BLOWING MY MIND MAAAN!!

9:14 PM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"Therefore I went to my tried and true DUmmie Astrology forum to find some non-political flat out NUts thread to DUFU. I was not disappointed as you can see from this DUmmie THREAD titled, "Anybody here have pre-birth memories?" PJ

Hey, Mr. Smartguy. Jesus talked to me before I was born. OK? He appeared to me in the womb and told me that I was blessed by God. To turn the other cheek. Love thy enemy (that one seems to have gotten by you jokers). And, this was the clincher, whatever sins I commit, would be forgiven. And he had a rattlesnake to prove it.

I've been a full blown, butt assed sociopath ever since. I'll get it together enough to confess my sins (shortly before I die) and then it's all good. No Hell or something.

But here's the weird thing. Last weekend I was mowing the lawn (naked with a fig leaf) when a snake popped his little head up and asked me if I wanted an apple. I'm not fuckin kidding. My wife/sister/cousin/mother/daughter, Eve, standing naked in the kitchen, making sandwiches with the window open shouted "Throw it over here." My life hasn't been the same since, let me tell you. Talk about Hell.

1:34 AM  
Anonymous Corona said...

Oh man, you're not even trying. Oh well.

7:10 AM  
Anonymous DumbAss Tanker said...

"I've been a full blown, butt assed sociopath ever since."

Looks like Trogger finally got something right after all.

For those wondering about how the DUmmies square their weird pre-birth memory babble with their support of barbaric abortion practices, it appears some of them harmonize their bizarro beliefs by going with that "Spirit attaches at the first breath" bilge one of them refers to, which gives them cover for sucking the brains out of living children as long as some part of the baby is still in the birth canal and it can't write its own name yet.

8:25 AM  
Blogger Tazzerman said...

Ok, someone owes me a keyboard! I've GOT to remember: never drink coffee WHILE I'm reading this stuff.

9:27 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"I rememeber being light with no body...the Elders sitting around a giant oval-shaped crytal table...Ascension process...holotropic breathwork..shamanic journeying..."

This sounds an awful lot like something off of "Rush 2112".

9:31 AM  
Anonymous Shambhala said...

.... yet to these Braniacs, Christianity is "nuts".

Buddhism get a bit of a pass though by the 'mystic' lefties.

11:33 AM  
Anonymous Adam said...

shambhala, other religions that get a pass by the DUmmies are Islam (It's considered politically incorrect to criticize Islam, after all, though some mild anti- Muslim sentiments do surface occasionally when DU reports Muslims doing something homophobic), and various forms of paganism/ the occult.

2:00 PM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"...It appears some of them harmonize their bizarro beliefs by going with that "Spirit attaches at the first breath" bilge one of them refers to, which gives them cover for sucking the brains out of living children..." dumbass

And many of you believe in a talking snake. A Burning bush. A parting of the Dead Sea. And things like pillars of salt and locusts. David and Goliath. Rising into the heavens.

Shut up

The real threat, doncha know *wink*, is the gypsy moths. Not the damn locusts. Gypsy moths will ROB YOU BLIND! You'll see a moth flying around and the next thing you know your fuckin laptop is GONE!

Get your priorities straight, dimwads.

2:35 AM  
Anonymous elrond hubbard said...

t-man,

Been hitting the sauce again? These late nighters are getting to you.

Try licking a toad.

4:33 PM  
Blogger Mo K said...

LMAO, PJ! Well done.

The earliest memory I have is tumbling down the stairs in our colonial-style house (I think it was the better part of 13 steps). Mom was incredulous when I told her I remembered this umpteen years later: "You were only around 18 months old!"

Anyway, I guess that explains a lot! Aside from the "blonde" factor :-D

8:23 PM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"Try licking a toad." elrond

Come on over and I will.

1:28 AM  
Anonymous mandible claw said...

Hm talking snake, pillars of salt etc from a book much of which is apocryphal/metaphorical but the factual parts of which played a large part in the development of judeo-christian traditions =/= thinking hallucinations of being stuck in yo mama's poonani are a meaningful insight into the nature of existence. I think, anyway.

2:16 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just because you does not remember it does not mean it does not exist... I have better memories as you.... You are sure one of those guys who you can tell a very interesting story and 2 days later you have forgot it. I can kept things like that for some years..

2:27 PM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"...the development of judeo-christian traditions =/= thinking hallucinations of being stuck in yo mama's poonani are a meaningful insight into the nature of existence. I think, anyway." mandible thinks we know what he's talking about

But we don't. No big deal. Happens all the time. Besides that, like anon, "I can kept things like that for some years.."

Beware.

2:44 AM  
Anonymous john galt said...

You want an insight into the Left? Take a look at Jean-Paul Sartre and his "philosophy," particularly "Being and Nothingness." What a huge steaming pile of anti-rational crap!

Sartre also explains the Left's view of history nicely: the facts of Reality don't matter, Reality is only what the majority of "The Other" believe is truth.

1:45 PM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"Sartre also explains the Left's view of history nicely: the facts of Reality don't matter, Reality is only what the majority of "The Other" believe is truth." mr galt

Sartre and Rand. Such a hopeful combination of philosophy.

1:55 AM  
Anonymous john galt said...

"... Sartre and Rand. Such a hopeful combination of philosophy. ..."

If using one philosophy (Objectivism) to fault another (Existentialism), then yes you can call it a combination. Otherwise the only "hopeful" combination is your delusions regarding the latter, troggie.

11:43 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"My mom was actually shocked when, as a little kid, I kept telling her about this dream I had of a room with steel and these green tile on the walls" -DUmmie

Dipshit, virtually every hospital in creation has green tiles and steel. I'm sure that if you mentioned curtains it would have been truly miraculous to your idiot mother, eh?

And just think- all this useless trash boils down to the fact that you're voting for 0bama and want everyone else to.

Great life you got there, fruity!

2:37 PM  

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