Thursday, December 22, 2011

The Troll Patrol: DUmmies join the MIR Team

LOUSY FREEPER TROLL!!! How many times have we heard that over the past 7+ years that we have been monitoring DUmmieland? Many! We have planted plenty of moles in the DUmp to egg the DUmmies on and to expose their nuttiness.

Well, the New DUmmieland ain't puttin' up with it anymore! With characteristic panache and aplomb, Assistant Head DUmmie EarlG, aka DUAC Earl, has rolled out a brand-new Troll Patrol to catch and dispatch the nasty intruders. He's calling it the "MIR Team," the "Malicious Intruder Removal Team." I call it the "MIR Spaced-out Station," in other words, a bunch of Bolsheviks orbiting the DUmp, ready to blast away at any suspicious characters.

Watch out, Pitt! You might be next!

We will check out DUAC Earl's recruitment flyer for the Troll Patrol, i.e., this THREAD, "Be a hero! Join the Malicious Intruder Removal Team today!" as well as this THREAD by DUmmie MineralMan, "Troll-Busting and How to Make it Work and Get the Troll MIRTed."

Of course, the FUnnie thing about all this is that probably half of the sign-ups for the MIR Team are Lousy Freeper Trolls themselves! We're everywhere! We're everywhere!

So let us board the MIR Spaced-out Station and head out on the Troll Patrol, in Bolshevik Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, whose secret mole identity may or may not be a member of the MIR Team--not sayin'--is in the [brackets]:

Be a hero! Join the Malicious Intruder Removal Team today!

[SSgt. EarlG here, calling for recruits!]

Volunteers who wish to help keep DU running smoothly. . . .

[. . . are dreaming the impossible dream.]

. . . should consider joining the Malicious Intruder Removal Team (MIR Team).

["MIR"--hey, that's catchy! Named after a Soviet space station! Cool!]

The role of MIR Team members is simple: they are empowered to revoke the posting privileges of people who show up at DU with the intent to disrupt.

[Oh, goodie! We get to tombstone people! Think of the power!]

To repeat: the MIR Team is solely empowered to revoke the posting privileges of people who show up at DU with the intent to disrupt.

[To repeat: Oh, goodie! We get to tombstone people!]

just post in this thread to let us know that you'd like to give it a try, and you could be selected by the Admins.

[Do we get to wear uniforms? I'd really like to wear a uniform. Something with braids and epaulets would be nice. Can we get a little medal or ribbon for every troll we tombstone?]

[Look! Here come the volunteers! Now don't all push in at once! Form a single line . . .]

Me!!! Me!!! (Raises hand!) Please.

[Settle down! Settle down! Everyone will get a chance!]

I want to crush our enemies, see them driven before us, and hear the lamentations of the Freepers!

[I wanna kill . . . kill . . . KILL!!]

I'm on board for MIR Duty

[Cosmonaut Renew Deal, reporting for DUty!]

I am interested. But I'm here at odd times. . . .

[EVERY time in DUmmieland is an odd time.]

Jury duty was fun. . . .

[Boy, New DUmmieland now has stormtroopers everywhere! "Juries," "hosts," "MIR Team". . . . Everybody gets to wear a uniform!]

Yes - I'd love to be on the troll patrol. . . .

[THANK YOU, DUmmie TBF, for coming up with that witty and apt description. A tip o' the hat to you! . . . Say, you're not a LOUSY FREEPER TROLL, perchance?]

MIR is Russian for "world" and "peace". Sounds good to me.

[Anything Soviet is good.]

I am onboard, EarlG

[How should we set our phasers, Captain?]

reporting for duty sir.

[Let's go kick some Malicious Intruder @ss.]

I would like to be a member of this secret alliance. . . .

[The eagle flies at dawn.]


[MI! Buh bye, troll. You seem a little over-eager.]

I hate trolls. so does that make me a good candidate?

[Good approach, DUmmie OKNancy. Low-key, subdued. No one will ever suspect that you yourself are a DU mole.]

I would like to serve a term on the MIR team.

[Off you go! Good luck, comrade!]

I am soooooo farking ready to serve in this capacity.....My last donation was from someone else, but I believe all previous donations were mine alone....

[Nope! Sorry! Not good enough! A little too eager, plus, you didn't pay. Next!]


[Out! I don't like the look of your name--"Robb." And your avatar--a bunny? I mean, really?]

I'm game. . . .

[You're gamey. But then, so is everybody else in here. Welcome aboard!]

I find a certain joy in seeing some MIs removed *slowly*.

[And you're the people who objected to waterboarding at Gitmo??]

Speaking of intruders, will our Ignore lists be imported? Mine is very large. . . .


anything to keep the civility of this new board. . . .


You can try me in your rotation. Blessings.

[Oops! Religious language! You just gave yourself away, troll! . . . Fire away, boys!]

I'm good at Whack a troll. . . .

[You're just plain wacky.]

Count me in, EarlG

[That from cbayer, the "Locking" King (Queen?) of DU2.]

If you still need some help, I'd be glad to give it a try.

[Oh, nicely done, DUmmie Terra Alta! Understated. Not too eager. Good work.]

[And now for some troll-busting tips from DUmmie MineralMan, who of course is himself a LOUSY FREEPER TROLL!!! You can even still send MineralMan messages care of his FR screen name! MineralMan is one of our BEST DU moles, and Skinner and EarlG are too DUmb to spot him!]

Troll-Busting and How to Make it Work and Get the Troll MIRTed.

[Brilliant, MineralMan, brilliant! You have infiltrated the MIR Team! Excellent!]

With DU3 being new and all, there are quite a few trolls who are experimenting with the site.

[Not like you, MineralMan! You're an old hand at being a mole!]

Here's how I got it [a thread] hidden, locked, and the poster MIRTed (I just made that up right now).

1. I read the thread and recognized the original post as trollery.
2. I read down the thread and noticed that others had the same suspicion.
3. I alerted on the OP, choosing the Community Standards option.
4. I selected the TOS Violation option.
5. I wrote a comment that said, "This poster appears to be a low post count troll. The post is disruptive. If you vote to Hide the post, it will be sent to the MIR Team." or words to that effect.
6. Shortly, the post was hidden, the thread was locked, and the OP was MIRTed.

[Good advice from a HIGH post count troll, our own MineralMan!]

I just thought I'd share this. It worked great.

[Yes, it works great at deflecting attention away from YOU, MM! Nicely done.]

in order to get to the MIRTeam a post has to be hidden by a jury first. If it's not hidden it goes to admin. . . .

It must pass through jury first If jury votes to hide it goes to MIR team. If they vote to keep, admins get it. BUT... ToS violation must be checked.

[Come on, people! It's all there in your MIRT Handbook: Page 57, Subsection F-13, Paragraph 3. Let's do our homework, people.]

I don't think a lot of DUers understand the process. There have been a number of OPs by trolls that have remained after the troll was MIRTed, and there's no way to deal with those, since Hosts can't lock threads except when they violate the forum's SOP. This way, the OP gets hidden, if the jury agrees, and the whole shebang goes to the MIRT for their action.

[It's as clear as mud!]

Frankly, I wouldn't ever use this particular strategy on any long-time DUer. That would be insulting. It's only really appropriate for low post count disruptors. . . . I know that long-time DUers are treated differently than low post count trolls, and that's how it should be.

[Good move, MineralMan, you long-time, high-post-count mole you!]

Being a troll is a direct violation of the TOS.

[And yet, so many of us get away with it! Hee! Hee!]

It's also very important to note that many that go to MIR Team can and are referred to admins also. . . . So, just because it goes to MIR doesn't mean MIR will make the decision.

[That's a MIR technicality.]

Wait, is pointing out the President's shortcomings a bannable offense now?

["Shortcomings"?? Are you suggesting that our President has "shortcomings"?? . . . Did you hear that, MIR Team? Ready . . . aim . . . FIRE!!]

Not even calling Barack Obana a con artist is a violation of TOS. . . .


If a 'troll' is posting things that are ok, are they a troll?

[If a troll falls in a forum, and there's no one around to MIR it. . . .]

The MIRT only looks at one specific kind of TOS violation: people who are posting crap repeatedly.

[Well now, that would eliminate just about everyone in DUmmieland, wouldn't it?]

The paradigm shift is bringing out the authoriatrians. I fear if we continue down this path we will have. . . .



Anonymous Anonymous said...

Pitiful...even for a self-hating homosexual.

9:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

We have many volunteers, Comrade Stalin!

If you volunteer, you must be a troll, Comrade!

Who will tombstone the tombstoners?

It will be fun next year when they start banning anyone who breathes a word of criticism of Obama!

This shows every sign of turning into Dummieland's very own 1937 Soviet-style purge!

Trust no one! Suspicion breeds confidence! A loudmouth is a precious find to a spy!

Trust in the wisdom of Chairman Skinner, Comrades!

10:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Volunteers who wish to help keep DU running smoothly."

Translation: To ensure we are preaching to the the brainwashed choir, ONLY to the brainwashed choir, and do not have to consider any actual truths at all. LOL

9:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

AKA the "Down-Twinkles" Team.

12:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nope, we don't want any dissenting opinions at all here. Dissenting opinions might actually make a borderline DUmmie think, and that would mean another deserter of the DUmbass plantation. Dissenting opinions might actually make sense and if DUmbasses try to defend their ideas they might realize how bankrupt their ideas are. On the other hand, DUmbasses like Skinner or Earl, or troglatroll are so cognitively dissonant, they are incapable of processing information other than "socialism/communism good, captitalism bad!"

5:13 PM  
Anonymous krazy kat said...

MIR? SMERSH would be a better code word for this DU pogrom.

Troglaman has his inner homo but the DUmmies have their inner Stalin.

5:53 PM  
Anonymous Corona said...

Cuz some of them know of and read this site I love how you leave them wondering who's a LFT and who's not. Heh heh.

10:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Resistance is futile. You WILL be assimilated into the borg collective.

12:38 PM  
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