Sunday, December 25, 2011

Welcome to the DUmmieland holiday party!



Welcome to the DUmmieland holiday party! Head DUmmie Skinner is hosting the shindig at his place, along with his sidekicks EarlG and Elad. Now that DU3 has hit the big time, with lots of ad revenue and a subsidy from the Democrat Party, $kimmer can afford to have a FANCY party--notice the chocolate fountain on the buffet table, along with the ice sculpture of Alan Grayson. And so Skinner and the boys have broken out the fancy DUds for tonight, as opposed to what they usually wear:



Still, most of the guests here have come in their normal attire: tie-dyed shirts, birkies, the lezbos in their flannel, gray ponytails on the guys, bowl haircuts on the gals. DU rigueur.

How I got invited to this party, I'm not sure. I think it was my DU mole identity they actually sent the invitation to, but here I am anyway. I've brought Li'l Beaver along, in his DU mole outfit as . . . a mole. PJ couldn't come. He had a coupon for a free trip to Venezuela.



I did say I had some other friends coming, that's how I'm able to get you in with me. So make yourself at home! Try the vegan tofu dip, it's not half-bad. The marijuana smoke is a little thick, so you may want to sit by the window. I see an empty beanbag over there in the corner. Take a load off.

You're coming in right as they're going around the room introducing themselves. The intros are also being live-blogged as this THREAD, "DU3 Reintroduce yourself thread."

Now if you're quiet, and you pretend you're stoned out of your gourd, maybe they won't call on you. But please, listen up! You'll get a kick out of these moonbats. Even their introductions are in Bolshevik Red. Oh, and please don't give away my real identity, Charles Henrickson. I want the other guests to think I'm one of them. Of course, my mutterings under the breath will be in the [brackets]:

My name is LynneSin. . . . The quote my friend would use about me is "Her name is Lynne and it rhymes with Sin".

[And that stands for Fool.]

I love rock music. After seeing Shaun Cassidy in concert, my older brother made me listen to rock music - his collection of 8 tracks including Led Zeppelin, Queen, Pink Floyd, Yes, an Aerosmith and several Rush.

[You listen to Rush???]

I have a wry sense of humor and sometimes rely too much on sarcasm. I think that's how I sometimes annoy people.

[No, actually, LynneSin, it's your overbearing moonbattism, like when you confront people in the grocery line and tell them they shouldn't be eating meat.]

I am single.

[I am not surprised.]

I love cats. . . .

[In other words, you're a walking stereotype.]

I have a boy name Abbott . . .

[Nadin Brzezinski Abbott?]

who 9 years ago I found outside a dumpster.

[A DUmpster. How appropriate.]

Abbott is a cuddly boy cat who loves to lick his empty ballsacks.

[TMI!!]

I once lost a bet to WillPitt and was to come to a DU gathering wearing a Bunny Suit and bringing a bottle of Tequila. I did send the Tequila to Will but haven't really had a chance to do the bunny suit thing.

[As long as Will got his liquor, that's all he cares about.]

I make it my mission in life to never pay tolls.

[How about trolls, as in lousy freeper ones?]

[OK, that's enough out of you LynneSin. Let's go to our next guest. Yes, you, over by the bong pipe . . .]

My name is Scuba, and apparently I'm the last living liberal Democrat.

[Wrongo. There are 7,000 more who have not bowed the knee to bailouts. And they're all in this room. Next . . .]

I posted my naked ass on DU because of a bet. . . .

[Hi, ben!]

My name is Taverner. I do not own a tavern, nor would I want to. However, I do like Phillip K Dick. . . .

[I bet you do. Say hello to benburch. . . .]

am either a Socialist Democrat with Anarchist Sympathies, or some other adjective filled description.

[Oh, I think "Socialist Democrat with Anarchist Sympathies" fills the bill. You're among friends here.]

I am an atheist and a liberal. . . .

[That goes without saying. I mean, look, Skinner had it printed on the nametags.]

Hi! I'm Kaiden. . . . I have a background in theatre so that's probably why I never amounted to much.

[But in DUmmieland, you can always be a Drama Queen!]

My name is Bill. . . . I love to go on and on about labor history or foreign policy. It never got me a lot of dates.

[You should have hooked up with nadinbrzezinski.]

I'm so left-wing that when I enter a crowded room and look to the left, there's no one there.

[I'd say you're right.]

I'm using my "executive producer" pseudonym...GReedDiamond. . . . In extending that pseudonym into the politically mythological (or, "the polithalogical", I have blended GReedDiamond into a (nonexistent) Corporation with access to more (GOD GIVEN + Tax Loopholes Giveaways & Subsidies, and $$$$ >>>> questionably "elected" political hacks = free speech = 1st Amendment Rights) rights than the average living, breathing small-cap "c"itizen, whom I consider, at best, to be profitable commodities, at worst, tax write-offs. You don't wanna hear what "I" ("GReedDiamond" think about everything in-between.

[I don't even understand what you're saying!]

GReedDiamond's (not necessarily me, but, The Corporation's) Logo is a pair of disembodied outward reaching hands which are about to grab a palm-sized floating planet earth, whereupon the two hands squeeze the whole planet into a Gigantic Diamond.

[Yikes! Next, please!]

I'm MiddleFingerMom. I used to have a really nice ass & a really nasty rash, tho not simultaneously.

[One step at a time.]

Hajimemashite! Kimiko Desu! Dozo Yoroshiku!

[Klaatu barada nikto.]

I am a Dean Democrat.

[YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAARRGGHH!!!!]

Hi. I’m Ellie. . . . I have a didgeridoo. . . .

[Are you like a transsexual or something?]

I’ve never gotten the hang of how to make those cool boing-oing-oing sounds with it.

[Believe me, I have trouble myself.]

Pardon my blue underpants in the doorway.

[OK, but Skinner will probably want you to put them back on again before you go.]

I'm Fred. I'm a teacher. . . . I'm an atheist who believes in God. . . .

[Fred, you just failed Atheism 101.]

Well, let's see what exciting facts I can think of about me. . . .

[zzzzzzz. . . .]

My real name is Tom. . . . I was married once to a woman from Taiwan for several years.

[But she had a Taipei personality, so we got divorced.]

I live with my girlfriend of 8 years. . . .

[A little young, don't you think?]

DU has always felt like a home to me.

[It IS like a home, this is true.]

I am hifiguy. . . . I am an atheist . . . and a Social Democrat with Structural Marxist leanings.

[Come on in, the water's fine!]

Hello I'm Sibelian, and I live in Scotland, work for the NHS, am gay, have a boyfriend and 2 cats. . . .

[Cats, gay, socialist, non-American. . . . Perfect!]

Pretzel (nee Rich) spent his first 21 years growing up on the banks of the Ohio River. . . .

[That explains the mildew smell.]

I am PVnRT and I am a sentient gas cloud located 20,000 light years away. . . .

[Please make it 21.]

NRaleighLiberal here. . . . I tend to lead with the heart more than the brain.

[In fact, I don't even HAVE a brain!]

I am 1gobluedem. . . . I live in Ann Arbor, MI, and am the general manager of an NPR affiliate public radio station. . . .

[A liberal Democrat, managing an NPR station! Imagine that!]

hate the song 'Horse With No Name' so much that it makes me physically ill. . . .

[Well, we agree on one thing!]

My name is Xithras. . . . One thing that's got me into a bit of trouble at DU over the years is my sexuality. Though I'm married, I am very much a bisexual man, and have had periods in my life. . . .

[Man, that's REALLY bisexual!]

I'm Nancy . . . and my threads & posts tend to sink like a rock.

[Next!]

My name is Pinstikfartherin. . . . My real name is Krista. . . . I am in a long term relationship of nearly 5 years with a man who is both Christian and republican. . . .

[Say, you and Sarah Ibuprofen ought to start a club!]

I'm mike_c, from Humboldt County, California. . . . I'm also a cannabis activist in my community. . . . Yummm, Headband! My latest favorite weed!

[Mike is all weed-weed up.]

I'm Aristus. . . . I'm a bleeding-heart, far-left, Obama-supporting liberal, and my political refrain, for anyone who is unsure of my ideological leanings, is: 'Liberal till I DIE, motherf***ers!'

[It's that positive approach that endears you to so many.]

I'm rbnyc. . . . I often have lucid dreams.

[It's the daytime I'm having trouble with.]

I'm 56 and live in Boise. . . . I have a long distance relationship with my imaginary boyfriend. . . .

[Who took the boys out of Boise?]

I'm a momma, an unbending liberal, pacifist, and a funeral director/embalmer.

[A member of the Underground Activist Corpse, no doubt.]

I've been a struggling vegetarian/sometimes vegan for a few years. . . .

[You're debating whether it's moral to eat vegetables? Stay away from the vegan tofu dip, then.]

My greatest passion in life is the underground: I fell in love with caves and caving. . . .

[So let me guess: You're on Democratic Underground, but you're really a troll from the Conservative Cave.]

Hey there. I AM YANKEEPANTS!

[WE DON'T CARE!]

i'm elana. . . . i'm 37, single. . . . in most cases i prefer the company of animals to humans.

[Elena, let me introduce you to my friend here, Li'l Beav--uh, Li'l Mole. I'm sure you two will have a lot to talk about.]

LiberalEsto: Surprise! I'm female. . . . I suppose my claim to fame is that I met all the members of the original Grateful Dead, including Pig Pen, and tripped with them backstage before they hit the big time. . . . Was active in the anti-war movement in the 1960s-70s, particularly in Yippie! if anyone remembers them. Lots of street theater. . . . have been unemployed for more than 3 years. Would love to get one of my books published, but no such luck so far. . . . I'm a pagan Unitarian Universalist. . . .

[You're making this stuff up, aren't you?]

Right-Of-The-Isle (5 posts) . . . Hello, I'm a Republican, but I like it here. ;) Hello, I am a Conservative, but love to see others' viewpoints on subjects. . . . a friend of mine (he said he was joining today, as well) said we should join this site, so we could do debating with Democrats, instead of other Conservatives. . . . I look forward to having some good discussions with evrybody!

[Good luck with that! Do you see that bouncer over there by the door? His name is Pitt, and he's about to escort you out.]

My name is Taylor. . . . I consider myself a Buddhist Atheist. . . . I call myself a Libertarian Socialist. . . . I am a Transhumanist and am a shameless techno-utopian.

[So is there anything DIFFERENT about you?]

My name is OmahaBlueDog. I live in Omaha. I am a canine. I am blue.

[Have you met Elena? You see that girl talking to that large beav--uh, mole over there?]

Hi. I'm boppers. . . . I am gender-funky, and married to a lovely husbandwife.

[OK, I don't know how much more of this party I can take. . . . Li'l Beaver, put down the crab rangoon, tell Elena good night, and let's get the heck out of here!]

6 Comments:

Anonymous Jerome Goolsby said...

Wow...the moonbattery runs DEEP in that thread...UGH....

2:19 AM  
Anonymous Corona said...

I would be like Adrian Monk around that "crowd". I'd constantly be pulling out hand wipes.

9:45 AM  
Anonymous krazy kat said...

Bad craziness, far worse than I had suspected. Troglaman is just the tip of a radioactive iceberg.

8:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

A DUmmie exhaled My name is Taylor. . . . I consider myself a Buddhist Atheist. . . . I call myself a Libertarian Socialist. . . . I am a Transhumanist and am a shameless techno-utopian.


I love the Moonbat labeling that gets done on these threads.

It's their way of saying they are the most "speshul snowflake in the whole world and everyone else must adjust their thermostats so I don't melt!"

Freakin' hilarious. Keep 'em coming, PJ.

9:24 AM  
Blogger Skul said...

Sounds like that "taylor" character is really troggyboy.
Dat you, troggy?

4:08 PM  
Anonymous Jerome Goolsby said...

Guttersnipe crawled back under his rock until after the New Year, if you can believe him, Skul.

But you do have a point, Skul....Taylor does sounds like Guttersnipe, without the f-bombs every other word.

1:13 PM  

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