"'Progressive'? No: I'm a [Blank]ing LIBERAL!"
Our poster boy, Wee Willie Pitt, models a shirt that could easily be worn by our DUFU OP today, DUmmie Hoosier Daddy. For DUmmie Hoosier Daddy has posted this THREAD, "'Progressive'? No: I'm a F***ing LIBERAL!" Notice, by the way, that I had to put asterisks on both Pitt's shirt and Hoosier Daddy's thread title. I have a feeling my asterisk key is going to get a heavy workout in this DUFU.
The DUmmies are ANGRY, d*mmit! They are no wimpy "Progressives"! Ptoo! on that! No, the DUmmies are LIBERALS, F***ING LIBERALS, and proud of it!
But before we get to the thread, let us sing this ode to the angry DUmmie:
THAT'S A DUMMIE
Tune: "That's Amore"
When the Moonbats go wild
With the sh*t that they've piled,
That's a DUmmie.
When they've plain lost their heads
Like they've gone off their meds,
That's a DUmmie.
Hopes will fly,
Soaring to the sky, rising way up high
Like a giant sequoia.
Hands will wring--
What a ding-a-ling, what a ding-a-ling--
And you'll think, "Paranoia."
When the "F" words flow free
Just like on MTV,
That's a DUmmie.
When they march in the street
Without leaving their seat,
You're in luck:
Those aren't Rovian plants,
They're just Ants in their rants,
And they're FUnnie!
For a laugh and a half
Reading each paragraph--
That's a DUmmie!
So let us now enter the angry land of the Looney Left, in Bolshevik Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, the wag tailoring the doggerel, Charles Henrickson, who OD'ed on a most exciting night of baseball last night, is in the [brackets]:
"Progressive"? No: I'm a F***ing LIBERAL!
[I SPIT on your wussy "progressive"!]
We have allowed the g*dd*m wingnuts to define us for far too long! Are any of them backing off "conservative"? Hell no! They embrace and celebrate it! "Liberal" is NOT a dirty word. . . .
[And even if it is, DUmmies LOVE dirty words!]
I am sick and F***ING tired of this habit of ours to abandon labels we OUGHT TO BE PROUD OF in the hope Middle America will agree with us. Well guess what? Middle America already agrees with us! WE ARE THE F***ING MAJORITY!!!!!
[OK then, go with that! That's the winning approach! PLEASE bill your candidates as "liberals"--say it loud, say it proud!--and be sure to include all the "F" words! Puh-leeze!]
[THANK you, DUmmie Hoosier Daddy, for that brilliant strategy! Now let's go to your fellow f***ing liberals . . .]
I have made up my mind. . . .
[I'm surprised you were able to find one.]
[Right on! Power to the people!]
i had it out with my brother yesterday over this. He says liberal like he's smelling poo. I told him to stuff it, I'm a F***ING LIBERAL and you and your side can stuff it up your ass.
[Embrace the poo!]
I"M A F***ING LIBERAL! GET OVER IT!
[Bumper sticker material there. Thank you, Dale Carnegie.]
The name says it all.
[Indeed. In fact, you've given me an idea. Let's RENAME the Democrat Party and give it with a more accurate, more winning name! Say hello to . . . THE F***ING LIBERAL PARTY!]
I'm a Flaming Bleeding-Heart Knee-Jerk Liberal and proud of it!
[You left out "F***ing." What are you, some kind of a wimp??]
I'm a radical liberal and I will never be a pastel cosmeticized "progressive."
[Yes to Radical Red, no to Pastel Prog!]
We HAVE to bring the Fire in Belly!
[Get in my belly!]
I am a radical far left liberal and have been since before I was born.
[I Was a Fetal F***ing Liberal!]
a f***ing LIBERAL... or a F***ING liberal! I'll take either.
[DUmmie dana_b and the Case of the F***ING LIBERAL.]
Hey, I have two kids. F***ing liberal has a double meaning for me! Uh, by which I mean... That children are the result of f***ing.
[Unless you're a F***ing Aborting Liberal.]
They aren't about conserving sh*t.
[We f***ing liberals are! We EMBRACE the poo!]
"Liberal?" No: I'm a F***ing Socialist!
[Yes! Go with THAT! I SPIT on your wimpy "Liberal"! WE ARE THE F***ING SOCIALISTS!]
Socialist? I'm a Communist. I'd like to see someone top that.
[DOWN with your stinkin' "Socialist"! PTOO! YECCH! WE ARE THE F***ING COMMUNISTS!!!]