Tuesday, November 23, 2010

DUmmies are getting ready for Thanksgiving!



Thanksgiving is always such a special time in DUmmieland. Even now, the DUmmies are getting ready for this most traditional of American holidays. Tonight, for example, the children are doing their annual Pilgrims-and-Indians pageant at school. And then on Thursday, the Day of National Thanksgiving itself, Mom and Dad DUmmie will get little Billy and Susie dressed neat and nice, and they'll all bundle into the family station wagon and head for church. There they'll give thanks to God for his many blessings on this great country of ours, as they sing those familiar hymns, "Come, Ye Thankful People, Come" and "Now Thank We All Our God." After church, then it's on to Grandma and Grandpa's for the big Thanksgiving dinner. Grandpa leads the table grace, and--

Oh, wait! Wrong universe! That's the way Thanksgiving is SUPPOSED to be celebrated! But this is DUmmieland we're talking about. And things there are a little . . . different. As we will see in this
THREAD from DUmmie cherokeeprogressive, "In the coming week, it's going to be hard for lots of people to find something to be thankful for. . . ."

So let us adjust our minds to the alternate reality of a DUmmieland Thanksgiving, in Bolshevik Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, who WILL be going to church and singing those hymns on Thursday morning, is in the [brackets]:

In the coming week, it's going to be hard for lots of people to find something to be thankful for...

[For the DUmmies, it's hard to find someONE (i.e., God) to be thankful TO.]

Wars are still waging, and our young treasure will be in harm's way; some of them will perish for what most of us find to be no good reason at all.

[National defense is overrated. To quote Dear Leader, "We can absorb a terrorist attack."]

Unemployment is still hurting good people and their families.

[Except for the DUmmies who get to live in Mom's basement.]

Misinformation and propaganda will be spoon fed to us on a daily basis.

[MSNBC is still in business.]

In the midst of all that and a THOUSAND other things that should cause us worry and hard feelings. . . .

[A Thousand Points of Plight.]

I propose a small ray of light we can all grab onto and hold dear...

[Faith in Almighty God?]

DU is here.

[Oh, what was I THINKING?? Of COURSE! "DU is here." THAT is our one great consolation in times of distress!! THANK you, DUmmie cherokeeprogressive, for that much-needed reminder! Yes, DU is HERE! I feel so much better!]

It's the one place where we can come . . . and find someone who thinks the way we do.

[That should tell you something.]

For lots of us, this is Home.

[Your online group home.]

here's a place where you can put your foot in your mouth one day . . .

[And then, the next day, you can put your other foot in there, too!]

I'm lucky in that my family and friends, no matter how ideologically diverse we may be, can put aside political differences and enjoy each other's company for a day, have dinner, good conversation, and argue (agreeably) about any number of things . . .

[That's about 180 degrees OPPOSITE of what happens with most DUmmies interacting with their extended family.]

from whether Boise State deserves a place in the BCS Championship Game or not . . .

[Idaho whether they deserve it or not. But, as they say, Boise will be Boise.]

to WHO caught the biggest fish during last year's camping trip.

[MURDERERS!]

So for all of us, I propose that we hold one thing dear: DU.

[Dear DU! Dear, dear DU! Where would we be without you?]

Go. Have dinner. Bite your tongue.

[Ouch! I hate when that happens!]

Kiss and hug those friends and family you hold dearest and enjoy the opportunity to commune with them. Tolerate those you don't, for their sake.

[Just kind of wave at them a little, from across the room.]

When it's all said and done? Come back to DU, and let it all out.

[Yes, please do! That's always a highlight. On the day after Thanksgiving, many DUmmies boast about how obnoxious they were in confronting their Rethuglican relatives. Or else they will tell how they converted one of them to progressivism. Confronting or converting Rethuglican relatives is a big theme on the day after Thanksgiving. Hence, we here at DUmmie FUnnies always look forward to Brag Friday!]

Either vent over the foolish uncle who insists that Faux Snooze is the way, the light, and the truth, or gush over your young neice or nephew who espouses all the ideals you think every human should live by.

[In any case, lie and make things up to make yourself look good!]

Either way, come back. Come home. You know there is ALWAYS someone on DU who will agree with you, no matter what an ass you were. . . .

[We're one big association of asses!]

Be thankful for that. Be thankful for places like DU.

[The true meaning of Thanksgiving. . . . Well, that was cherokeeprogressive's opening post. But now, in the replies, she mentions who all's coming for dinner . . .]

We're having a small Thanksgiving this year... My Gay Daughter, her Transgender BFF, my Sister, and my Nephew.

["My gay daughter" and "her transgender BFF"?? What's THAT?? What's a "transgender BFF"? A "BoyFriend Female"? A "Butch-Fem Freak"? And if you've got a homosexual daughter, which "gender" would her BFF "trans" to? I'm so confused!]

My only worry this year is that Chris, my Daughter's BFF, is a Cowboy fan.

[You've got a homosexual daughter, and she's bringing over a "transgender BFF," whatever that is, and your only worry is that this "Chris" follows a certain football team?? . . . Another DUmmie responds to cherokeeprogressive . . .]

you want I should kick some BFF Cowboy fan ass, cp? LEMME AT HIM/HER

[Even this DUmmie doesn't know what to call it! . . . Back to cherokeeprogressive . . .]

I support Chris for all he's done to become the man he wants to be. . . .

[Keep telling yourself: Democrats are just like us. . . . ]

My dear cherokeeprogressive!

[That could only be . . . CaliforniaPeggy!]

We will luckily be spending our Thanksgiving with some almost family and they agree with us politically. . . .

[Our real family thinks we're NUTS!]

I am so thankful for DU...It changed my life, and that's no joke.

[We're thankful for DU, too, BECAUSE it's a joke!]

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

[Thanks be to Gaia!]

All the Best to You Peg... Ya know, there isn't another DU'er whose kind words can illicit such warm fuzzy goose-bumpy feelings!

[Illicit goose-bumps! Only on DU!]

31 Comments:

Anonymous krazy kat said...

BFF = Best Friend Forever

Isn't that nice? The DUmmies are calling a Thanksgiving truce so
their gay daughters, foolish uncles, Cowboy fan BFFs, transgendered nephews, Repuke bothers and burqa wearing room mates can sit down at the dinner table and not stab each other with the salad forks.

"I'm so thankful for the DU...It changed my life..."

It changed mine too. Until I started reading and trolling at the DU, I thought most Democrats were sane (if misguided). Now I know better.

10:09 PM  
Anonymous JK said...

Not to tell you your job, but how the heck do you miss DUFUing a thread like this:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x9621573

Subject line: "I really hate the phrase "American Exceptionalism"

Yeah. No kidding.

9:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

DU changed my life, too. This Thanksgiving I am so grateful for the craziness of DUmmies because they have caused so many people to open their eyes to other political possibilities.

So thank you DUmmies, and Happy Thanksgiving! Without your hatred and insanity to jar me awake, I would have stumbled through the rest of my life in a liberal stupor.

9:13 AM  
Anonymous Elrond Hubbard said...

My life is never as exciting (or as fictional) as a DUmmie's life. So tomorrow we're driving my son's house for Thankgiving dinner. The kids, grandkids, and assorted in-laws will will sit down, talk football, talk politics, eat, drink and be merry. Can't ask for anything more.

No body scans or pat downs until we fly to New York this Christmas.

2:35 PM  
Blogger Son Of The Godfather said...

I have moonbats throughout my extended family. The best thing to do when they feel compelled to let you know their feelings is to give them a smile, let out a little one-chuckle, and respond "I guess that's a way of looking at it...". It is the same as engaging a child... with learning disabilities.

3:19 PM  
Blogger Lazarus Long said...

" It is the same as engaging a child... with learning disabilities."

Or trogaltroll.

Oh, that'd be the same thing, wouldn't it?

4:10 PM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"Isn't that nice? The DUmmies are calling a Thanksgiving truce so their gay daughters, foolish uncles, Cowboy fan BFFs, transgendered nephews,...and burqa wearing room mates can sit down at the dinner table and not stab each other with the salad forks." kat

It's interesting you feel this way, kat. But the bottom line is that this portrait of "A Liberal Thanksgiving" is psychotic.

And you guys bring road-kill to the table, don't you? Armadillos, alligators, possums, squirrels, and shit like that? Or are you one of those that love the still=beating heart of a deer, chicken, goat, etc? I hear the raw liver is pretty good too. Or maybe you're one of those Thanksgiving Rattle Snake Dancers...daring them to bite you while you invoke God's name. Do you eat the snake after you've smitten them with God's name or just go with the traditional sacrificial turkey on Thanksgiving?

2:26 AM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"Or trogaltroll." literery laz

Trogal.

I like it.

'Trogal Pod Squad' it is.

Congratulations.

2:35 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Isn't that cute.
Trolly-boy again tries to make a point...and...
fails once again.
Trolly, please try a bit harder.
Point monkeys are on your butt again trolly.
Run, little man, RUUNNNN.

Waiting for the standard foul-mouthed response.

Skul

4:33 AM  
Blogger Lazarus Long said...

"Congratulations."

For what, winning a game of "Spot The Retard"?

9:08 AM  
Anonymous Kirk Johnson said...

And it's another Troglafail Double Post®!

10:57 AM  
Anonymous krazy kat said...

"And you guys bring road-kill to the table, don't you? Armadillos, alligtors, possums, squirrels..."

You forgot coons and cats, troggy, but you're spot on for our red-neck Thanksgiving feast and Nascar freak-out. Enjoy your tofu turkey.

12:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

[For the DUmmies, it's hard to find someONE (i.e., God) to be thankful TO.]

They're thankful to themselves for spontaneously creating themselves out of nothing.

4:12 PM  
Anonymous Jerome Goolsby said...

"It's interesting you feel this way, kat. But the bottom line is that this portrait of "A Liberal Thanksgiving" is psychotic." - Troglaman the Guttersnipe

And your point?

7:37 PM  
Anonymous Adam said...

Trog,
Most of that was taken from the DUmmies' own replies, in case you couldn't be bothered to read the articles.
Oh, and I gotta love how you trot out the "All conservatives are dumb rednecks that eat roadkill" steeotype with nothing at all to back them up.
Then again, this is not surprising, as your trolling talents are limited to:
1. Slinging around stereotypes and baseless accusations at us, never with even an iota of proof, then conveniently ignoring any of our replies that call you out on them.
2. Slinging around obscene, gutter- mouthed insults at us.

10:33 AM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"Trolly-boy again tries to make a point... trolanon

And what point was that?

I, the mighty trog, already know you, troglanon, are not capable of articulating it.

So I'll try to clarify further - if Libs are all having Thanksgiving with Osama and burqa-clad transgenders then you fuckers are eating road-kill. Both points are equally provable.

Never mind that both points are absurd. It's, once again, the discussion you all insist on having. Somehow appealing yet surprisingly stupid.

12:21 AM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"Oh, and I gotta love how you trot out the "All conservatives are dumb rednecks that eat roadkill" steeotype with nothing at all to back them up." adam

Back them up?

So you're just fine with this statement -

"Isn't that nice? The DUmmies are calling a Thanksgiving truce so their gay daughters, foolish uncles, Cowboy fan BFFs, transgendered nephews,...and burqa wearing room mates can sit down at the dinner table and not stab each other with the salad forks." kat

Didn't ask kat to back THAT up, did you, adam? Why's that?

See (it's pathetic I, troglaman, have to spell this out to you)...my response to kat's bullshit was to make up even bigger bullshit...about road-kill. kat went first with her absurd theater and I went along. Neither assertion is provable.

That fact has apparently passed you by.

So know what?. Bite me.

12:50 AM  
Anonymous Adam said...

"Didn't ask kat to back THAT up, did you, adam? Why's that?"
Because, as I said in my post (You have a knack for only looking at 1 or 2 elements to a post, then completely ignoring the rest of it, especially if other parts of it shoot down whatever moronic arguments you're trying to make), those elements were all mentioned in the DUmmies' comments on that DU thread (They make reference to gay daughters, foolish uncles, Cowboy- loving BFF's, etc.). In contrast, none of us made any mention whatsoever of eating roadkill.
It seems, once again, like YOU are the one letting facts pass you by.

7:39 AM  
Blogger Lazarus Long said...

"And what point was that?"

The one on the top of your head.

10:14 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"And you guys bring road-kill to the table, don't you?"

Not usually. Unlike liberals, conservatives generally have good aim.

11:35 AM  
Anonymous Jerome Goolsby said...

Adam...facts don't pass Troglaman by....facts make him slam his head up his ass.

4:45 PM  
Anonymous susieq2cute said...

"So know what?. Bite me." Troggy

Bite you, troggy? Now you would be the closest thing to eating roadkill, I would think. (Except the roadkill would probably taste better.)

7:15 PM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"those elements were all mentioned in the DUmmies' comments on that DU thread (They make reference to gay daughters, foolish uncles, Cowboy- loving BFF's, etc.)" adam

So what?

Are you really willing to believe this is a true representation of how libs conduct Thanksgiving?

Can you name one news report, one anecdotal instance, one article about gay daughters and foolish uncles? One? One article about Cowboy loving BFF's?

No. You can't. So here's the deal, adam. There's no foundation of truth here and you clearly don't give a shit. Why's that?

1:46 AM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"Adam...facts don't pass Troglaman by....facts make him slam his head up his ass." jackhammer

You clearly haven't noticed that I've been accusing you of "cramming" my head up my ass. You've accused me of "slamming" and "jack-hammering" but never "cramming".

And I hung it out there like a pinata.

You're not paying attention, dumbass. Missed opportunity.

2:01 AM  
Anonymous Adam said...

"So what?
Are you really willing to believe this is a true representation of how libs conduct Thanksgiving?"
1. Ah, when I make a valid point that shoots down your dumb ramblings, you respond "So what?"
2. I never said that it's how all libs celebrate Thanksgiving. However, it is the DUmmies' own words of what they intended on doing, and as I must keep pointing out to you, this site is all about highlighting and mocking the more idiotic posts and threads on DU. Add to that the fact that most of the DU crowd tend to epitomize the radical far left, not liberals as a whole.

8:31 AM  
Blogger Lazarus Long said...

"Are you really willing to believe this is a true representation of how libs conduct Thanksgiving?"

Yes.

"Can you name one news report, one anecdotal instance, one article about gay daughters and foolish uncles? One? One article about Cowboy loving BFF's?"
-trogalturd

"We're having a small Thanksgiving this year... My Gay Daughter, her Transgender BFF, my Sister, and my Nephew."

-Reactionary leftist dummie from the thread right above

"My only worry this year is that Chris, my Daughter's BFF, is a Cowboy fan."

-Reactionary leftist dummie from the thread right above

"you want I should kick some BFF Cowboy fan ass, cp? LEMME AT HIM/HER"

-Reactionary leftist dummie from the thread right above


"English, muthafukka. DO. YOU. SPEAK. IT."

9:19 AM  
Anonymous Jerome Goolsby said...

After consuming several liters of Everclear, TROGLAMAN - The Official Hate-Mongering Vile Anti-American Guttersnipe of the DUmmie FUnnies Blog - repeatedly power-slammed his head squarely up his ass and emitted the following insane rant:

"troglaman said...

"Adam...facts don't pass Troglaman by....facts make him slam his head up his ass." jackhammer

You clearly haven't noticed that I've been accusing you of "cramming" my head up my ass. You've accused me of "slamming" and "jack-hammering" but never "cramming".

And I hung it out there like a pinata.

You're not paying attention, dumbass. Missed opportunity."


Thanks for your latest example that it's not good to post when either drunk or crazy, Guttersnipe.

4:06 PM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"Thanks for your latest example that it's not good to post when either drunk or crazy, Guttersnipe." jackhammer

Interesting that's the lesson you took from it, my, troglman's, little Freudian wonderland.

12:51 AM  
Blogger Lazarus Long said...

What, no comment on the fact that I made you look like the ignorant, illiterate, spittle slathered polyp that you are?

8:14 AM  
Blogger Lazarus Long said...

YOOOOO-HOOOOO, TOGALTURD!!!!!!

No comment?

Nothing?

Nada?

Zip?

Zilch?

HELLLLO OH OH OH OH OH......

9:24 AM  
Anonymous Jerome Goolsby said...

Lazarus - I'm betting Guttersnipe goes by the idea if he makes what he thinks is the last comment on a discussion and then ignores it from that point, he won the debate and his genius is confirmed. That typical of the thinking of someone who power-slams his head up his ass rather than actually discuss something. It's also the behavior one sees in a child.

3:13 PM  

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