Monday, November 15, 2010

David Allen's DUmmieland takes on Sarah Palin's Alaska



This has not exactly been a November to Remember for the DUmmies. First came Tsunami Tuesday, when the Republican Red Wave swept across the land, turning DU into Democratic Underwater. Then last week came the Return of Chimpus Khan, reawakening the DUmmies' Bush Derangement Syndrome (BDS), followed closely by the news that those tax breaks for the evil rich will soon become the Bush-OBAMA Tax Cuts. Now, last night, comes the premiere of "The Adventures of Caribou Barbie," aka "Sarah Palin's Alaska," sparking an outbreak of Palin Madness Syndrome (PMS), the natural successor to BDS. Clearly, for the DUmmies, this has not been a November to Remember, but rather a November for Novocaine and Novenas. And the month is only half-over.

Today, then, we see David "Skinner" Allen's DUmmieland take on Sarah Palin's Alaska, here in this
THREAD, "Got to say this about Sarah Palin," and this THREAD, "Sarah Palin accused of breaking countryside rules in TV nature show."

So let us put on our hip waders and venture out into the wilds of DUmmieland, in Rogue Rage Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, who can see DUmmieland from his house, is in the [brackets]:

Got to say this about Sarah Palin: She sure is photogenic. I just wish she would stick to something like being a strong voice for the mentally and physically disabled. She would be really good at that.

[If only she would use her powers for good!]

She is a carbuncle on the anus of a camel. . . .

[But at least she is a photogenic carbuncle.]

Maybe if you can turn off her whiny screechy voice.

[Try the Alaskan Femalamute.]

She looks like a cartoon character from the Sunday comics page to me.

[Wasilla Wonder Woman.]

I only know that a lot of guys really think she is hot.

[She's so hot, she baked Alaska!]

I wonder if she can dance?

[With wolves. On glaciers. With a BlackBerry in one hand and a rifle in the other.]

She is a professional pole dancer. . . .

[Right now she's probably polling better than Black Barry.]

Anyone can be photogenic with $$'s of plastic surgery. . . .

[We'll find out next, on "Nancy Pelosi's San Francisco". . . .]

And btw, who the f*** gets that close to bears?

[Tom Vilsack? . . . BEWARE THE BEAR!]

they are intruding far closer into the bear's space than I'd bet even the regs allow on a fishing trip.

[What about that nosy neighbor, Peeping Joe McGinnis, intruding on the Palins' space?]

Sara Palin is a dumbed down version of peat moss.

[DUmmieland is a DUmbed-down version of DKos.]

Sarah Palin accused of breaking countryside rules in TV nature show. . . . the former state governor is seen fishing for salmon with husband Todd and family members. She can be seen apparently holding her rod towards brown bears on the river bank, while the party's boat appears to be closer to the bears than guidelines advise. The Alaska department of fish and game says people in a boat must not fish within 30ft of a bear.

[Boy, when that bear came to where they were already fishing, he must have got to within, oh, 29 feet there for a minute, till they backed off! Criminal! Heinous!]



Maybe one of those bears will eat her and make our lives just a little bit better.

[Here we see an enraged DUmmie engaged in a life-or-death struggle with a Mama Grizzly. . . .]

After one bite she'd be spit back out. Because she's bitter with a terrible texture.

[Mama Gristly.]

I hope one of the bears eats her, but it's impossible to tell from that picture how close she really is. . . .

[It's an optical Aleutian.]

As long as it makes for a good photo op. . . .

[It's a Kodiak moment.]

I wouldn't want the bears to get sick.

[SPARE THE BEAR!]

Now TLC owes the Democratic candidates 8 episodes of free airtime to make it fair.

[Let's see, "Barack Obama's Kenya" . . . no, wait, "Barack Obama's Indonesia" . . . oops! "Barack Obama's Hawai--no, Chicago". . . .]

how come every time Palin opens her "flippin'" mouth and emits some inane tripe, I feel like ripping my ears off?

[Palin Madness Syndrome claims another victim.]

I can hardly wait until she gets tired of Todd and has an affair with a bear.

[Sorry, Peeping Joe McGinnis, no porch porn for you!]

A brown bear can more very quickly, so I'd bet there's a shooter nearby to stop the bear if it moves in the right direction. Sarah may be stupid, but she's no dummy.

[Spoken by someone who's stupid AND a DUmmie!]

43 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

There's another Palin on Dancing With the Stars that has been driving them nuts, too. They're accusing people of voting just to keep her on the show. Duh, that's kind of how the show works. Besides, I'm just voting for a young girl on a TV show, you DUmmies went and voted in a fake president.

Palin's Alaska was simply brilliant. No wonder DUmmies want a bear to eat her.

7:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

These are probably the same people who tune in to TVLand every Wednesday night to see Lisa Rinna discuss her lip surgery. Now, THAT'S entertaining. NOT.

9:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"countryside rules"-DUmmie

Is that anything like an "unwritten rule"? If not then isn't it an Countryside Rule? Is this DUmmie just making this stuff up as he goes?

Hey! Three questions in a row. Feel free to read them in an Andy Rooney voice. But only if you follow up with a irrelevant question like. "What is soup, anyway?"

12:57 AM  
Anonymous JK said...

"Optical Aleutian?" "Kodiak moment?"

I lol'd! Well done!

9:51 AM  
OpenID myjavelina said...

Agreed-Very well done! I liked the Mama Gristly comeback.

10:07 AM  
Anonymous Kirk Johnson said...

Is that anything like an "unwritten rule"? If not then isn't it an Countryside Rule? Is this DUmmie just making this stuff up as he goes?

Furthermore, what does Chris "Countrywide" Dodd have to say about this blatant Countryside violation?

12:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think the DUmmies are upset with this program because it may well show the country that Sarah isn't as stupidly clueless as the dinosaur media have been painting her to be. If enough people come to this conclusion, then the DUmmies may well have to wash their mouths out with lye soap every time they say President Palin. Just a thought.

2:50 PM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"Sarah Palin's Alaska" PJinc

Let's get real. Sarah gave up on her state and now is making a million dollars an episode promoting it (Alaska) as hers.

It's amazing anyone takes her seriously and mostly, people don't.

She's obviously cashing in. She has absolutely no loyalty to anyone other than herself. Why did she quit? Why? Do any of you have a better explanation other than greed that doesn't sound like a major load of shit? No. You don't.

Your all's frigging need worship Randian narcissists has become a BIG FUCKING PROBLEM.

If any of you would like to sharpen your skills by arguing Sarah's merits, I'd be happy to be your foil.

Not one of you will take me up on this.

Please tell me she's gonna run in 2012. I beg you.

2:57 AM  
Blogger Lazarus Long said...

"Sarah gave up on her state and now is making a million dollars an episode promoting it (Alaska) as hers."

When did she "give up on her state", you retarded chimp?

And the problem with making money is........what?

8:44 AM  
Anonymous DumbAss Tanker said...

Trog, there's no point in using you as a foil since your posts are 90% irrational rants and conclusive-if-unfounded bullshit proclamations. Thanks for the offer, but we'd get better thesis - antithesis - synthesis interaction by picking a fight with a eight-year-old Tourette's victim.

9:19 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

LOL, this week is a Palinavalanche and sure to cause heads to explode! "Just For the Halibut" premiers Sunday and Bristol got voted into the finals on Dancing with the Stars. Sarah Palin's Alaska just broke records as the most viewed premiere in TLC history and DWTS just broke a record for the most viewers and votes, ever.

DUmmies, hating their enemies right into the white house.

10:33 AM  
Anonymous Elrond Hubbard said...

True story. Here in Wisconsin a 66 year old man living in the 'burbs of Madison was so enraged by Bristol Palin on DWTS that he blew up the TV with a shotgun and barricaded himself in the house. A police SWAT team finally talked him into surrendering after a 15 hours siege. Seeing Bristol on TV was the final straw for a man who was still fuming over the recent elections.

PDS will cause a lot of Democrat heads to explode in the coming two years.

Aside to Troggy: "Your all's frigging need worship Randian narcissists has become a BIG FUCKING PROBLEM."

Please translate that sentence from trogspeak to English.

2:43 PM  
Anonymous Adam said...

"Why did she quit? Why? Do any of you have a better explanation other than greed that doesn't sound like a major load of shit? No. You don't."
Yes, I do. She quit because she was tired of liberal jackals like you targeting not just her, but her family, her freaking CHILDREN, for disgusting, vicious lies and insults.

3:37 PM  
Anonymous susieq2cute said...

Just one of Sarah's merits,
troggy? That she drives you and your ilk crazy, that's one for starters!

Also, you'd be happy to be our foil? You've always been our foil! Yeah, you and the tinfoil hat you rode in wearing.

7:56 PM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"When did she "give up on her state", you retarded chimp?" literery laz

Maybe when she quit being governor of Alaska, you stupid boy. She quit.

Are you frigging aware of how stupid you sound, laz? Decidedly not.

12:43 AM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"You've always been our foil! Yeah, you and the tinfoil hat you rode in wearing." susie

Could you maybe tell me one time I've been wrong about anything? Okay I, the mighty trog, thought the Dems would hold Congress. I was wrong. So shoot me.

Care to tell me anything else I've been wrong about, Ms. Black Angus?

Nope. Can't do it.

12:51 AM  
Blogger Lazarus Long said...

"troggy? That she drives you and your ilk crazy, that's one for starters!"

She doesn't need to drive.

The pseudo-Bolshevik smear merchant has an autopilot.

8:42 AM  
Blogger Lazarus Long said...

"Maybe when she quit being governor of Alaska, you stupid boy. She quit."

Maybe in your alternate universe fantasy world, but in reality she was driven out of office by reactioanary leftist maggots.

8:45 AM  
Blogger Lazarus Long said...

Oh, and I notice you ran away from your "Chimpy McHitler" idiocy like a little girl who just wee-weed in her lace panties.

Typical.

8:50 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Troggy, if you think it was inappropriate for Sarah Palin to resign after 2 years of being Governor of Alaska, what are your thoughts (assuming you can think and actually have thoughts) of Ear Leader's inability to finish his office as state senator in Illinois, then US Senator? Or, is that different because he is a liberal black democrat who cares and feels?

11:16 AM  
Anonymous krazy kat said...

"I was wrong. So shoot me."[troglaman]

If we shot you every time you were wrong your bullet riddled ass would look like swiss cheese.

1:03 PM  
Anonymous Jerome Goolsby said...

"Could you maybe tell me one time I've been wrong about anything?" - Troglaman, The Hate-Mongering Guttersnipe, as he power-slammed his head squarely up his ass.

You are only right by accident, Guttersnipe, so you do the math.

2:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"I was wrong."-troglaman

That's the first step. Now let the healing begin.

11:43 PM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"...like a little girl who just wee-weed in her lace panties." literery laz

Hmmm.

You're not permitted within 500 feet of anyone under 18, right?

12:29 AM  
Anonymous Kirk Johnson said...

<< And the problem with making money is........what? >>

Palin *is*, and Troglapuss *isn't*. And now he's jealous. BAAAAWWWWWWW! Somebody call the wahmbulance.

12:45 AM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"Maybe in your alternate universe fantasy world, but in reality she was driven out of office by reactioanary leftist maggots." laz(y)

Are you fucking kidding me?

Look. It's entirely conceivable that you all ready know laz is a fucking stump. He might have achieved the crazy uncle, there-he-goes-again, status and I, troglaman, am just not tuned in to the subtle, yet complex, workings of the wingnut community. I say the guy's nuts and you guys are wondering when I, the total-dumbshit troglaman, first got a clue.

Let's see.

Do ANY of you believe Palin was "...driven out of office by reactioanary leftist maggots"?

Elrond?
Britt?
jackhammer?
Corona?
susie?
troglanon?
Kirk?
kat?

(None of you will directly answer this question...another fun and fantastic troglamatic (h/t Kreskin) prediction)

1:21 AM  
Anonymous susieq2cute said...

Yes, I do, Kreskin (oops, I mean troggy)....wrong again, as usual. What a Dummie!

6:46 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"I, troglaman, am just not tuned in"-troglaman

baby steps

9:37 AM  
Blogger Lazarus Long said...

"You're not permitted within 500 feet of anyone under 18, right?"

Ohhh, too much projection so early in the morning.

Your mind works like a well-oiled cliche.

10:15 AM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"If we shot you every time you were wrong your bullet riddled ass would look like swiss cheese." kat

And yet my, troglaman's, ass doesn't look like a bullet riddled piece of swiss cheese. In fact, it looks like a magnificently formed, pink and firm pork loin. No shit, it really does.

And I, troglaman, am still here. What the hell. I haven't submitted. Another amazing testament to your primal, elemental power that will cower and humiliate and DECIMATE liberals at every turn.

How 'bout this, kat? Why don't you ask what I think about Obama's tax cuts. Or net neutrality. Or pre-existing conditions. Or social security. Or Medicare.

Prove this old dirty fucking hippie wrong about something. It'd make me happy if you'd try.

2:55 AM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"...like a little girl who just wee-weed in her lace panties." literery laz

"Ohhh, too much projection so early in the morning." literery laz

The "wee-weed in her lace panties" is entirely yours, laz, you fucking perv. I'm not projecting shit...unless you're talking about the 500 ft restraining order (I tried to free a caged black bear once...talk about an ass that looked like swiss cheese...)

So why don't you explain your inspiration for the "...like a little girl who just wee-weed in her lace panties" statement, laz?

I'm particularly interested in why you referred to the object of your metaphor as a "little girl". And she peed on "lace panties". Let's not forget about that.

Maybe you could explain these complex metaphors...then justify why you're not in jail.

Let us all know if you need to set up a defense fund.

3:17 AM  
Blogger Lazarus Long said...

"I'm not projecting shit..."

Wure you are. All the time.

I can't help it if your stupidity, insecurity and mendouchessness get the better of your low grade mind.

"So why don't you explain your inspiration for the "...like a little girl who just wee-weed in her lace panties" statement, laz?"

Uh, that's be you, douchenozzle.

7:52 PM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"Uh, that's be you, douchenozzle." jackhammer

Good answer.

So...when I say Sarah is in it for the money, you're immediately inspired to think of me as a little girl who just wee-weed her lace panties?

Do I have that right? Or is it more complicated than that?

1:00 AM  
Blogger Lazarus Long said...

"you're immediately inspired to think of me as a little girl who just wee-weed her lace panties?"

Well, yeah. That's what you are. That's what you do.

4:13 PM  
Blogger Lazarus Long said...

"Or is it more complicated than that?"

If it were, I wouldn't bother trying to explain it to you. You wouldn't understand.

4:14 PM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

Let's be clear...when I said Sarah was in it for the money, I reminded you of a little girl pissing her lace panties. Right? And you're confident that 'trog's a-little-girl-pissing-lace-panties' is a substantive, appropriate, and somehow obvious response to my statement that Sarah's a money whore.

Right?

I think this is the epitome of a bullshit response. Why? Because you're not addressing the fact Sarah's a money-grubber. You'd rather talk about trog's trans-gender bladder problems, lace underwear, everclear, and the impossible act of cramming my head up my ass.

Cowardly psycho numbnuts.

3:45 AM  
Anonymous susieq2cute said...

When is making money to help support your family a crime, you dingleberry? I'm assuming you have a job (which, with your intellect, is a big leap in faith). I guess you're going to turn down a raise this coming year? After all, if you don't, you're a hypocrite. In your bizarro world, making money is a crime. You're such a dope! Are you able to perform the simplest task (such as breathing) without someone's aid?

7:04 AM  
Blogger Lazarus Long said...

"I reminded you of a little girl pissing her lace panties. Right?"

Yes.

9:12 AM  
Anonymous Jerome Goolsby said...

"And I, troglaman, am still here. What the hell. I haven't submitted. Another amazing testament to your primal, elemental power that will cower and humiliate and DECIMATE liberals at every turn." - Troglaman the Guttersnipe

No, it's a testament to the fact you're a Moonbat, Guttersnipe. You're too damn stupid to comprehend the phenomenal depth of you own depraved self-ignorance, so you keep coming around to be shown up for the terminal dumb-ass you are.

Now - as to your other question you managed to emit with the worthless mental excrement you spewed out by power-slamming your head up your ass:

"Do ANY of you believe Palin was "...driven out of office by reactioanary leftist maggots"?" - Troglaman the Guttersnipe

I don't - I think she resigned in order stop the DSA members of the Alaskan legislature from wasting another half million of Alaskan taxpayer dollars on unfounded ethics investigations. And since she is no longer governor, she can make money and enjoy life, which drives you, Guttersnipe, and the rest of your Moonbat buddies bat-shit crazy with blind rage.

8:29 PM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"When is making money to help support your family a crime, you dingleberry?" suz

It's not. Is it OK that quitting a state governorship after taking an oath promising otherwise?

So you can tell me why she quit, right suz? You can make it selfless and for the good of Alaskans...or for her family. There is a difference even though it hasn't occurred to you yet. Promises and oaths are supposed to mean something.

She did take an oath, you know. By choice. Something about serving Alaskans...all of them.

And she didn't do that. She broke her promise. She broke her oath.

And you like it.

You're all friggin insane.

1:46 AM  
Anonymous Adam said...

"And she didn't do that. She broke her promise. She broke her oath.

And you like it.

You're all friggin insane."

I never said I liked it. I said I understand why she did it. She was simply sick of liberal scumbags singling out not just her, but even her underaged children, for disgusting, vile insults. Normally, it's a standard rule/ common courtesy in political discussion that while it's ok to insult a politician (As long as it's not overly obscene or using offensive slurs), insulting their children is pretty much always a no- no, because they have generally done nothing to deserve it (Other than if it's a politico's twentysomething son busted for DUI or something). However, the left seems to feel that this rule doesn't apply when it comes to Sarah Palin's children. Never have I seen so much hatred (Not to mention how baseless it is) directed towards an American politician's children than I have seen towards the Palin kids, even the younger ones like Willow and Piper, and don't even get me started on the genuinely heartless things that have been said about Trig by leftists like you. With all that, it's not surprising that she'd seek to try and get her children out of the left's crosshairs by resigning. As I said, I may not like that she quit, but I can at least understand why she did so.
So, your claim once again holds no water, Trog. If it weren't for your beloved tactic of creating straw man arguments against us, you'd have absolutely nothing.

8:05 AM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"I never said I liked it." adam

And I never said you did. So everything else is...Can you quote me as to having said you, adam, liked it? No. Your premise was wrong.

You obviously don't belong the Jesuits. That's for fucking sure.

3:57 AM  
Anonymous Adam said...

"And I never said you did. So everything else is...Can you quote me as to having said you, adam, liked it? No. Your premise was wrong."
Not me personally, but the way you phrased that statement made it seem as if you intended it for all of us as a whole.
"You obviously don't belong the Jesuits. That's for fucking sure."
As I must again remind you, I'm NOT Catholic, I'm United Methodist.

1:08 PM  

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