David Allen's DUmmieland takes on Sarah Palin's Alaska
This has not exactly been a November to Remember for the DUmmies. First came Tsunami Tuesday, when the Republican Red Wave swept across the land, turning DU into Democratic Underwater. Then last week came the Return of Chimpus Khan, reawakening the DUmmies' Bush Derangement Syndrome (BDS), followed closely by the news that those tax breaks for the evil rich will soon become the Bush-OBAMA Tax Cuts. Now, last night, comes the premiere of "The Adventures of Caribou Barbie," aka "Sarah Palin's Alaska," sparking an outbreak of Palin Madness Syndrome (PMS), the natural successor to BDS. Clearly, for the DUmmies, this has not been a November to Remember, but rather a November for Novocaine and Novenas. And the month is only half-over.
Today, then, we see David "Skinner" Allen's DUmmieland take on Sarah Palin's Alaska, here in this THREAD, "Got to say this about Sarah Palin," and this THREAD, "Sarah Palin accused of breaking countryside rules in TV nature show."
So let us put on our hip waders and venture out into the wilds of DUmmieland, in Rogue Rage Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, who can see DUmmieland from his house, is in the [brackets]:
Got to say this about Sarah Palin: She sure is photogenic. I just wish she would stick to something like being a strong voice for the mentally and physically disabled. She would be really good at that.
[If only she would use her powers for good!]
She is a carbuncle on the anus of a camel. . . .
[But at least she is a photogenic carbuncle.]
Maybe if you can turn off her whiny screechy voice.
[Try the Alaskan Femalamute.]
She looks like a cartoon character from the Sunday comics page to me.
[Wasilla Wonder Woman.]
I only know that a lot of guys really think she is hot.
[She's so hot, she baked Alaska!]
I wonder if she can dance?
[With wolves. On glaciers. With a BlackBerry in one hand and a rifle in the other.]
She is a professional pole dancer. . . .
[Right now she's probably polling better than Black Barry.]
Anyone can be photogenic with $$'s of plastic surgery. . . .
[We'll find out next, on "Nancy Pelosi's San Francisco". . . .]
And btw, who the f*** gets that close to bears?
[Tom Vilsack? . . . BEWARE THE BEAR!]
they are intruding far closer into the bear's space than I'd bet even the regs allow on a fishing trip.
[What about that nosy neighbor, Peeping Joe McGinnis, intruding on the Palins' space?]
Sara Palin is a dumbed down version of peat moss.
[DUmmieland is a DUmbed-down version of DKos.]
Sarah Palin accused of breaking countryside rules in TV nature show. . . . the former state governor is seen fishing for salmon with husband Todd and family members. She can be seen apparently holding her rod towards brown bears on the river bank, while the party's boat appears to be closer to the bears than guidelines advise. The Alaska department of fish and game says people in a boat must not fish within 30ft of a bear.
[Boy, when that bear came to where they were already fishing, he must have got to within, oh, 29 feet there for a minute, till they backed off! Criminal! Heinous!]
Maybe one of those bears will eat her and make our lives just a little bit better.
[Here we see an enraged DUmmie engaged in a life-or-death struggle with a Mama Grizzly. . . .]
After one bite she'd be spit back out. Because she's bitter with a terrible texture.
I hope one of the bears eats her, but it's impossible to tell from that picture how close she really is. . . .
[It's an optical Aleutian.]
As long as it makes for a good photo op. . . .
[It's a Kodiak moment.]
I wouldn't want the bears to get sick.
[SPARE THE BEAR!]
Now TLC owes the Democratic candidates 8 episodes of free airtime to make it fair.
[Let's see, "Barack Obama's Kenya" . . . no, wait, "Barack Obama's Indonesia" . . . oops! "Barack Obama's Hawai--no, Chicago". . . .]
how come every time Palin opens her "flippin'" mouth and emits some inane tripe, I feel like ripping my ears off?
[Palin Madness Syndrome claims another victim.]
I can hardly wait until she gets tired of Todd and has an affair with a bear.
[Sorry, Peeping Joe McGinnis, no porch porn for you!]
A brown bear can more very quickly, so I'd bet there's a shooter nearby to stop the bear if it moves in the right direction. Sarah may be stupid, but she's no dummy.
[Spoken by someone who's stupid AND a DUmmie!]