Head DUmmie Skinner's "Rules for DUmmies," v. 47.0
"This time FOR SURE!" Bullwinkle would exclaim to Rocky, as ONCE AGAIN he tries to pull a rabbit out of his hat. But of course, once again he would fail. Such is life for Head DUmmie Skinner (David Allen), Assistant Head DUmmie EarlG (Dave Allsopp), and Minor Flunkie DUmmie Elad (Brian Leitner), as they try to enforce rules for their insane asylum. They are now up to version 47.0, I think, as we see here in this THREAD, "An important announcement about the DU rules, and how we enforce them."
Skinner's ineffectual attempts at creating order out of chaos are always good for a laff. I'm reminded of Sister Mary Elephant trying to take control of her classroom: "Good morning, class. . . . Good morning, class! . . . Class! . . . SHUT UPPP!!!! . . . Thank you." So let us take a seat in the back row as Sister David Allenphant tries to get the DUmmies' attention, in Rubrical Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, guessing that all the Lousy Freeper Trolls are probably better behaved than the regular DUmmies, is in the [brackets]:
An important announcement about the DU rules, and how we enforce them.
[Skinner speaks! Let us attend.]
Earlier this year I posted a thread announcing some changes to the DU rules. . . .
[That was version 46.9.]
Our plan was to use an extremely detailed set of rules that would cover most disruptive situations we could think of, and have the moderators enforce them by sticking closely to the letter of the rules. The idea was to try and get everyone -- members, moderators, and administrators -- on the same page.
[What were WE thinkin'??]
But after trying this approach throughout the summer and into the fall, we have come to the conclusion that it has been a failure.
[EPIC. Epic failure.]
The new rules were far too complicated for most people to want to learn or remember, and they had so many loopholes and gray areas that we actually ended up encouraging the most disruptive members of the site.
[Clear as mud and just as effective. Right up there with Obamacare and TSA.]
Ironically, these folks seemed to be the only people who really made an effort to understand the new rules -- and then used that understanding to target people they didn't like and try to get them in trouble with the moderators.
[See Bobo the Hobo and the Tombstoning of William Pitt.]
In October, we posted the first annual DU Member Survey, and we learned a lot about our members. . . .
[They're all NUTS!!]
So, our primary concern this time around is making the rules simpler and shorter . . .
[. . . as you will see, as I now go on for about another 19 paragraphs detailing them. . . .]
You are going to see more active moderation of civility (personal attacks and deliberate disruption), paired with less active moderation of content (especially posts that criticize or defend Democrats).
[Translation: We know you all want to bash Obambi and the loser Democrats, even though this is supposed to be a pro-Democrat forum, and we know we're powerless to stop you, so, frankly, we give up! But at least try to be nice to each other, OK?]
Now, here are the big changes you need to know about.
[Until these too fail and we have to come up with v. 47.1.]
All the posts here that question the motives, character, or good faith of other DUers serve to poison the atmosphere. . . . I know that it is going to be difficult to deal with this stuff -- in fact, it might be impossible. . . .
[C'mon, Skinner, you KNOW it's impossible!]
The moderators are empowered to remove any post that serves to disrupt, derail, or hijack an otherwise thoughtful discussion. . . . Note: The purpose of this rule is to remove the proverbial "turd in the punchbowl" -- but please be aware that the moderators are not required to pick turds out of a punchbowl filled with turds.
[It's the Turd Way.]
In the past, it has been extremely difficult to try to have a thoughtful discussion on DU . . .
[. . . for lack of thinking participants.]
. . . because there was always some jerk who would show up and disrupt.
["Jerk," Skinner?? Are you calling one or more of your members a "jerk"? Why, that sounds like a violation of the rules! You know, the one you just stated about "Personal attack, insults, or name-calling against any DU member or members." Physician, delete thyself!]
we do not permit the following: Referring to Democrats using disrespectful nicknames (eg: Calling President Obama "Barry"). . . .
[How about "Chimpy"?]
Crude insults against Democrats (eg: "F*** Harry Reid"). . . .
[Necrophilia is right out!]
By the way: Our fourth quarter fund drive was supposed to begin last night, but we had to postpone it by one day because Elad (one of our administrators) was busy all weekend taking the test for his black belt.
[If you get out of line, Elad will come over and Kung Fu you! . . . Now the DUmmies respond to Sister David Allenphant's careful instructions . . .]
Did Elad pass his test?
[Were you even paying attention to all those rules?? First reply out of the box, and you ask me about Elad's black belt test??]
If he does pass his test, will he be able to kill a man using only his pinky finger?
[Hell--OOO!!! Was anyone paying attention??]
I feel I should mention at this juncture that Elad has always been among my favorite admins.
[Ooh! Slam at Skinner and EarlG!]
Elad spelled backwards is dalE.
[OK, can anybody tell me any of our new rules?]
Is Skinner actually...Renniks?
And Earl G ...... Glrae (glory?)
[Hello? Is this thing on?]
That is a common generalized misconception. Usually one knows how to kill a man with only his pinky at the brown belt level.
[Why do I bother?]
Well congrats to Elad. Now he can REALLY start to learn stuff! What style of karate?
[I give up.]
Yes I did, thanks for asking...
[OK, now even Elad HIMSELF is hijacking the thread!]
Shouldn't we have a "Pointless Insults and Abuse Forum?"
[And how would you tell it apart?]
That's really stupid and...you're an idiot.
[And so it begins.]
omg DU Admins are getting black belts
[Amongst our weaponry are such diverse elements as: fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency. . . .]
Just in time for the fundraising drive! Eeek!
[Donate OR ELSE!]
I'm not sure how much worse the criticism of Obama can get. . . .
[Oh, just wait!]
I've had a thread locked for using the word "cheerleader" in the OP. I was trying to describe the type of poster here who thinks President Obama can do no wrong. I was not trying to demean or denigrate.
Question: Can we use crude, left-wing insults but not right-wing ones? Yeah, right-wingers are likely to say "F*** Harry Reid." However, I doubt they'd use MY nickname for him, which is "D*ckless Harry." . . . So, can I keep calling him D*ckless Harry?
[Well, you just did, so I guess you can!]
Does that mean that "spineless jellocrats" is out, too??
[Now, class. . . .]
Jellocrats? Jellocracy? Government by delicious gelatin snacks? I'm in!
I don't think that would be appropriate, Reid probably has a penis. He may not know how to use it or it might be injured but that's a whole different issue.
There are many fine, courageous members of Congress and the Senate who are "d*ckless". . . .
You guys work so hard to keep this place intact.
Rules? If we had evolved from cats instead of social monkeys, THERE WOULD BE NO RULES! No catperson would acknowledge the authority of any other cat person to make him stop at a red light. Of course, cat people would insist on sports cars so agile and would drive them with such grace that traffic accidents would hardly ever happen. At leat not by accident.
[And this is what Skinner has to deal with. . . .]