"What would you do if you discovered your dog was racist?"

Sometimes when wandering thru the many DUmmieland threads I come upon a pure comedy nugget that I know will become an INSTANT classic just from its title alone. Such was the case with this DUmmie THREAD hilariously titled, "What would you do if you discovered your dog was racist?" The FUnniest thing is that both the original post and many of the replies are dead serious. So let us now enjoy the comedic entertainment of DUmmies worried about their racist dogs in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, suspecting that a cat he once owned of also being a racist, is in the [brackets]:

What would you do if you discovered your dog was racist?

[Teach him to be more tolerant of French Poodles.]

Say you got a new dog from the kennel, spent several months bonding with it, only to discover he only liked you because you were white? (or whatever)

[The Burch Terrier will bite you on the butt if he thinks you're Greek.]

Would you take the time and effort to re-program whatever conditioning his Nazi ex-owner ingrained in him, or would you chuck the bigoted bowser out on his tailfeathers?

[Have the ACLU put the racist dog to sleep.]

Just wondering.

[Just wondering where DUmmie Merrick gets these bizarre thoughts from. And now to hear from the other DUmmies pondering on the all important topic of racist dogs.]

Expose him to the race he fears.

[So would a racist dog who doesn't like Indians bark: "Bow-wow! Pow-wow?]

I did have that problem with a dog at one time. So I invited my black friends over frequently, to let the dog know that there was nothing to fear or be defensive about.

[Unfortunately your black friends learned to fear your NUttiness.]

The father of one of my students was amazing, too. When he first came to the door, and the dog barked at him, he didn't do anything but give her this LOOK. She put her tail between her legs, then she lied down and rolled onto her back, totally submissive. I can't explain what happened...It truly was phenomenal.

[It's all part of the Barbara Woodhouse canine tolerance training with the chain.]

I had one that was racist. I got him when a black lady, his former owner, sold him to me, but he seemed to really really hate black children. He didn't react toward adults of any color or white children at all, but he seemed to really hate black children, especially young black boys.

[I'm already picturing Al Sharpton yelling on the bullhorn outside your doghouse.]

It went away over his lifetime though. I had enough different types of friends over some with children, some without, all different races. He eventually played with black children, but he grew a strong distaste for country music as a pup and that never went away. He would growl and grumble anytime any country music was played on television. I did to. It was a running family joke with country music. "Like like Benson." Good dog.

[My dog would foam at the mouth whenever she heard Judy Garland music. The dog must have suffered from homophobia.]

the trick is to not freak out. If you freak out(get nervous, start to pull them away, or hold on to their leash tighter) everytime they act aggressive towards someone of a particular race, it will reinforce the behavior. Most of these "racist" dogs weren't actively trained to be racist, they're just not used to interacting with people who look a certain way. It usually goes away with exposure.

[So we should walk our dogs in the 'hood to get rid of those racist tendencies?]

For example, my old boss's dog was notoriously racist, but when he was off leash and just hanging out in the office, he came over to sleep by my feet. A large part of his "racist" behavior, was really just his response to the tension people had when walking him, because they were told he was racist and had to be kept away from certain people. Whatever fear of new people he'd had when he was first adopted had gone away, but nobody had noticed.

[Pet stores need to sell this sign: "WARNING! RACIST DOG!!!"]

Diversity training for dogs? could be a business idea.

[Your Golden Retriever must learn to tolerate Black Labs. Diversity training.]

Wow, I had no idea that some dogs are racist. Our dog doesn't seem to discriminate against people on the basis of race or ethnicity, but some people he likes right away and others he never likes. We're not sure why he likes some people and not others, because we haven't found a common thread amongst them.

[The common thread is that your dog doesn't descriminate based on ethnicity but has instead learned to hate Lutherans. Religious bigotry is the common thread there.]

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Have you ever been at the beach and seen a really hot looking chick? Most likely all you will end up doing is just stare at her, drooling like an idiot. If you try to talk to her you will probably embarrass yourself with your clumsy pickup lines. Well, GOOD NEWS! I now have a product guaranteed to make it EASY to pick up lots of hot looking women at the beach. It is a product I have been using myself and fully endorse: the amazing HELICOPTER KITE. This helicopter kite flies like a helicopter. You can make it go hundreds of feet into the air or hover it just a couple of feet off the ground. The propellor rotation is done entirely by windpower. So how does this help you pick up chicks? Simple. Just hover this helicopter kite a few feet off the ground near the hot beach chick of your choice. In most cases they will be overcome with curiosity and come over to YOU to ask about it. I've run a little experiment on this and it works on about 75% of the women (catch and release in my case since I'm married). My advice is to keep the conversation initially focused on the helicopter kite until you can later make a sneaky segue into asking her out for dinner. From that point on, you're on your own. Please check out the VIDEO of the INCREDIBLE helicopter kite. Not only was the helicopter kite aerodynamically designed but it is also MADE IN THE USA! So feel good about purchasing an AMERICAN MADE toy which makes the perfect method for vastly enhancing your social life. The helicopter kites have a LIFETIME warranty so all defective or broken parts will be replaced. Your purchase of the helicopter kite will not only provide you with lots of hot dates but it will also help keep the DUmmie FUnnies going. So take a look at the VIDEO and be AMAZED! Remember, those hot beach chicks are waiting!

p.s. Check out what one of our happy customers had to SAY about the amazing helicopter kite.