Thursday, June 10, 2010

Answering Machine Messages of the Famous

Barack Obama

I am sorry but it is the fault of the previous administration that I am unable to answer your phone call personally. However, if you leave some names and numbers at the sound of the tone I can find out whose ass to kick.

Clint Eastwood

This is a semi-automatic, cassette-loading, six-beep answering machine. At a range of three feet it can blow your eardrum away. You're probably wondering if it's got one beep left or if I've used my six. Go ahead and talk if you feel lucky. Well do you, PUNK?

Robert Gibbs

This is the White House press secretary. If you leave your question at the sound of the tone, I'll get back you with the same vague answer that I left on my answering machine a week ago which referred back to an even more vague answering machine message.

Woody Allen

Please leave a psychologically soothing message at the sound of the tone because I can't handle any more hostility. My analyst's bills are high enough already. I just lost one girlfriend because of answering machines. We kept calling each other, but our prerecorded messages were incompatible.

Senator Larry Craig

I am not gay. I never have been gay. At the sound of the tone please leave your name and number on the wall of the third toilet stall from the left in the Minneapolis-St. Paul airport bathroom and I will get back to you right away.

John McEnroe

You call that a beep? Are you crazy? I didn't hear any lousy beep! This machine won't beep for at least another 10 seconds! If you don't answer me I won't play your message! Please leave your answer you STUPID IDIOT!!!

Governor Charlie Crist

Before this phone message is over, it will change completely. Pro-life? No more. Won't run as an independent? Inoperative. Return Republican campaign contributions? Forget it. So leave your name and number at the sound of the tone before I change my mind again.

Rahm Emanuel

"&%$#*&!!! You make me so %#$&$# sick that I'll $#%^& your @%&*& if you don't leave your &%@# name and #$!&% number at the %$&# sound of the &*@#% BLEEP!


Anonymous Jerome Goolsby said...

That last one sounds a lot more like Troglaman The Guttersnipe than Rahm Emanuel.

4:09 PM  
Anonymous Jerome Goolsby said...

On second look, the one for John McEnroe sounds a lot like Guttersnipe as well.


4:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


"Hi, I can't answer the phone right now because Dick Cheney and his thugs are tapping my line. If you need to reach me, write a message, tie it to a rock and throw it through my front window.
Ohmigod! My dead grandmother is crawling up my leg with a knife in her mouth."

5:41 PM  
Blogger QZ92 said...

hahaha....u got a lot of idea from here haha

10:14 PM  

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