Fat, unemployed DUmmie admits, "i have officially lost my mind"
Sometimes stereotypes get that way for a reason. Meet DUmmie keroro gunsou--fat, unemployed, living at home with his parents--in other words, your typical DUmmie. The guy can't get a job in "graphic design" (read, "comic books"), so now El Tubbo is thinking of going into cooking! But he's not sure how Mom & Dad will react. Read about it here in this THREAD, "i have officially lost my mind."
So be careful walking down the basement stairs and don't trip over the pizza boxes, as we enter the world of Comic Book Guy come to life, in Graphic Design Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, wondering if Wee Willie Pitt could give keroro gunsou some advice, is in the [brackets]:
i have officially lost my mind
[Oh, it's official now?]
i've been unemployed since last november.
the first two weeks were cool.
[The next 26 were even better.]
slacked off . . .
caught up on my tv . . .
[DUmmie keroro gunsou can multitask: Post on DU, watch TV, and play a video game, all at the same time.]
played lots of WoW.
[World of Workless.]
but after that, it got old.
[TV is now into summer reruns.]
i'm still getting my benefits and food share . . .
["Food share"?? What is that, you get a portion of the back yard for grazing??]
but the one thing i am not getting is a freakin' job.
the field of graphic design is over-saturated in the midwest.
[Translation: They won't hire me at the local comic book store.]
so i've decided to go back to school. i'm going back to school to hopefully become a chef.
[Papa John's can get old.]
i am planning on getting a 2-year degree from my local tech school, along with a cert in baking and pastry making. after that, i will hopefully land SOME type of work that will allow me to move and finish up a 4-year bachelors in culinary arts.
[Let's see, that would be a total of . . . six years of school, wouldn't it, DUmmie keroro gunsou?]
now for the problem: my parents.
[Ah, now I'm beginning to see. . . .]
granted i am an adult, but they were cool enough to let me move back in after my job went boom and are helping with my bills.
[OK, I'm getting the picture now. . . .]
i am expecting one HELL of a fight from them, since i'm overweight, they'll give me the "you're too fat" or "it's a bad idea, all that temptation," types of arguements. . . .
[Or, do you think it COULD have something to do with supporting your fat ass for SIX YEARS of schooling? You know, "There goes our retirement!"]
plus, before i switched to graphic design, i took a class in basic cooking and failed it. . . .
[Mm, maybe not the best career choice.]
ok i was young and stupid, now i'm old, and hopefully less stupid.
advice, vibes, or alcohol is appreciated at this point. . . .
[Go play World of Warcraft and forget the whole thing. Sounds like you've got a good gig going. Don't want to rock the boat. But let's see what your fellow DUmmies have to say . . .]
My dear keroro gunsou. . . .
[CaliforniaPeggy checks in. Since Pitt got tombstoned, she needs to find a new object for her "My dear" fantasies. You're it.]
I don't think you've lost your mind at all. It sounds to me as though you've taken a hard, long look at your prospects, and come up with a plan.
[She says that to all the guys.]
I think that your parents might well acknowledge your passion and not get in your way.
[Especially since you're about as big as a bungalow.]
People do learn and grow, and I think you have.
[You've grown to over 350 pounds.]
Just tell them what you want to do, and why.
[What do I want to do? Sit in the basement, eat chips, and play WoW. Why? It beats working! . . . Back to keroro for a second . . .]
my dad will be an easier sell than my mom, she's already disappointed at what a f***ing mess my life is.
[And now imagine when she invites the canasta gals over and she has to explain YOU!]
I have no idea how to soften the blow, but I can send lots of vibes!
[White light, positive thoughts!]
I'm a longtime restauranteur who has done lots of line work in my capacity as a owner and menu designer, and cook trainer. I cannot empahsize how important it is to be in good physical shape.
[keroro responds . . .]
round is a shape.
Also, try and find a line position in a local restaurant. Lots of guys will train. You'll start out in pantry or salad, suate, stuff like that. Good practical experience.
[Sounds like too much work. DUmmie keroro gunsou is looking for a position that pays without working.]
ne keroro gunsou san!
[Glossolalia breaks out.]
ganbatte kudasai! Gokigen yo!
[Klaatu barada nikto.]
asahina-san, i can read hiragana you know
[DUmmie keroro gunsou is a big fan of Japanese anime, you know. As he's about to tell us . . .]
if you made it to anime central this year, awesome. i work for con in hospitality. got to meet nabeshin, nazuka kaori, and yoshiki from X japan. all in all, the abuse i suffered was worth it....now, if i can just talk 'em into getting mashima hiro (fairy tail), oda-sensei (one piece), or mine yoshizaki-sensei (keroro gunsou) to come, i'll be able to die happy.
[DU, TV, WoW, chips, mashima hiro. . . . What more is there?]
fanime is this weekend. i've got friends there, and i staffed anime expo in 2k when they took over the anaheim disney... man do i have some stories for about that... ^_^;;;;;; i like anime central, it's close by.
[Life is good! Forget about that work stuff, keroro! Enjoy the moment! . . . But, let's hear from another DUmmie or two . . .]
my brother is almost 50 and still calls dad as if he is an atm machine. dad on fixed income, has been about sucked dry. who will take care of dad when needed? . . . i hope you can find a way of doing this independently as you can. . . . a different perspective that i am sure will piss off a few. sorry.
[Boo! Debbie Downer rains on keroro's parade.]
Does being a chef necessarily mean high-fat high sugar, unhealthy food? . . . I hate to eat out because its friggin impossible to get healthy vegetables.
[Chef keroro responds . . .]
small problem.... i like only the following vegetables: onions, peppers, peas, corn, potato.
[French fries qualify as a vegetable then? Yes!]
Good luck & good vibes!
[See you on WoW! . . . Back to keroro . . .]
living at home has sort of put me on an unwilling starvation diet, no thanks to my mom and her psychotic desire for me to be one of the skinny, beautiful people. . . . oh well, i figure my mom will StFU when i start bringing home all manner of pastries... right after she takes them away from me. long story...
[OK, I see now. Mom doesn't want you living at home because of the competition for the creampuffs!]
This is probably a rude and no doubt politically incorrect thing of me to say, but I don't care how delicious Mario Batali's food is, he looks very unhealthy: he's very heavy, he sweats a lot, and he wears shorts and disgusting crocs shoes. I honestly want whomever is preparing my food to look like they're not going to keel over of a heart attack at any minute or sweat into my soup.
[But think of it this way: If keroro becomes a chef, he can spit into the food of Rethug customers!]
This song has much light in it. You Light Up My Life - Debbie Boone. . . . I think much of life is like this song.
[Overblown and treacly?]
keroro, you're doing good - to heck with what your parents think. . . . I could kick some keroro parent ass. I'm a pro at parental ass-kickings; yes INDEED
[THAT's the DUmmie spirit!]