Saturday, May 22, 2010

DUmmieland's 50 Millionth Post Contest: Guess That Post!

Big DUings down on our DUmmieland Ant Farm! Marking a major milestone: 50 million posts! They've been busy little worker ants, haven't they?

So Assistant Head DUmmie EarlG announces a contest, in this
THREAD, "DU Contest: Can you guess when we'll reach 50 million posts?"

But is this really a fair contest? There's one longtime player who's being blocked from competing! Will our mystery guest please sign in? He can't!

More on that later. For now, pull up a chair, and let us gaze into our endlessly entertaining DUmmie Ant Farm, as we play . . . Guess! That! Post!--which, I can safely predict, will be in Bolshevik Red--while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, getting ready to post a DUmber Alert for our missing DUmmie, is in the [brackets]:

DU Contest: Can you guess when we'll reach 50 million posts?

[You know, Assistant Head DUmmie EarlG, I would have thought that was your guys's output for an average week!]

Many of you have noticed that DU is approaching something of a milestone. . . .

[50 million tombstones?]

we're about to hit our 50 millionth post.


we thought it might be fun to have a little contest this weekend and see who can guess closest to the date and time that the 50 millionth post will be made.

[Sounds like FUn! This might be the closest to a date that DUmmie stevenumbers has been in years!]

How to enter
1. Reply to this post.
2. Make your subject line the date and time that you think the 50 millionth post will be made (example: Monday May 17, 12:34pm)
3. That's it!

[Too complicated. Remember your audience.]

The winner will receive a fabulous DU T-Shirt.

[THAT'S IT??? I win your major-milestone contest and all I get is a LOUSY T-SHIRT??? Don't break the bank there, Skinner and EarlG!! At least here at DUmmie FUnnies we give out Kewpie Dolls!]


[Three or four times in certain precincts. These are Democrats, you know.]

In the unlikely event that a tie-breaker is needed, we'll come up with something.

[A suggested "donation," perhaps?]

Contest closes at 7pm ET Sunday (which is, coincidentally, the start of our 2nd Quarter Fund Drive).

[Gotta pay for that t-shirt somehow!]

Good luck everyone!

[Sending white light and positive vibes your way!]

05-18-10 at 01:52. Fun contest!

[Yes, but, where's . . . a certain player?]

Tuesday, May 18th 12:07 pm. I never get the ice out date and time right. I can't imagine I'll guess this right.

[Yes, but they never gave you a DU t-shirt for guessing when the ice would be out, did they? Powerful incentive.]

EarlG - You should also give a tee shirt to the person who makes the 50 millionth post!


As for the tie breaker, if there are two winners, you can tear the fabulous t-shirt in two.


Or, you could just award t-shirts to all the lucky winners. After all, the gift (while nice), isn't a Lamborghini!

[Democratic Understatement.]

Wed May 19th, 11:33 am, give or take 48 hours or so

[Business hours. Which reminds me . . . there's someone who has hasn't played yet. Hmmm. . . .]

Wednesday 19th 11:42 pm, in the lounge with the wine bottle

[First time a DUmmie has had a clue in ages.]

May 24th 3:00AM, WhooooooHOOO

[WHEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!! But wrong.]

Tues. 5-18-10 at 10:04 am, unless there's another terrorist attack, oil spill, SC nomination, celebrity death. THEN I guess Sunday night at 7:00 pm.

[If Obama nominates a terrorist to the Supreme Court, all bets are off.]

Tuesday May 18,2010, 11:59 PM Is this the price is right?

[We're only $10 away from affording a t-shirt!]

5/19 - 5 p.m. I just know it!

[I just know . . . you're wrong.]

Can YOU believe how much the DU has done & grown..? TGfDU!

[Thank Gaia for DUmmieland!]

Thanks for the thread EarlG.

[You can use it to make a t-shirt.]

Sunday, May 16, 2010 @ 11:36 pm. . . . I'm guessing Deeyewers may get excited and push us over the edge early

[Usually it's the Dewar's that pushes you over the edge.]

Monday May 17, 1:31am. Hah! I win

[Hah! You lose.]

Wednesday, May 19th, 6:50am. C'mon, DU; baby needs a new pair of shoes!

[Would you settle for a t-shirt?]

California Peggy in the Library with the Candlestick

[Will Pitt in the Penalty Box with a Tombstone. Yes, folks, that's our missing player!! WHERE'S WILLIE!! He does 50 million posts A MONTH!! This thing is RIGGED, that's it!]

May 23, 2010 12:00 AM MIDNIGHT!!!! We all know DU has a very active night life!!!

[Bunch of zombies.]

Tuesday, May 19, 12:34 a.m. And it will be by Name Removed in a thread about brasieres.

[Bunch of boobs.]

Thursday, May 20th, 12:56pm ET. I deserve a shirt.

[Ask Obama.]

Monday May 17 at 3:17. I take an XL.


Tuesday May 18, 9:05am. . . . C'mon, let's win. Momma needs a new shirt that is guaranteed to piss off the local Republicans as much as my punk rock t-shirts.


5/21 9:11 pm Friday night, right? . . . I'm gonna love wearing my T-shirt.

[While others go without?? CAPITALIST PIG!!]

Right now !

[Sorry, wrong.]

No, Now !

[Sorry, DUmmie Motown_Johnny, only one guess per customer.]

Right after post # 49,999,999

[You are correct! Thanx for playing, everyone! Come back next time when we announce the winner!]

- - - - - - - - - -

PART TWO: DUmmieland's 50 Millionth Post Contest: Guess That Post!

I know the suspense must be killing you to find out who the Grand Prize T-shirt winner is, so instead of making you wait for a whole new DUFU, we'll just do a Part Two of this one. DUAC Earl reveals the identity of the lucky DUmmie here in this THREAD, "And the winner of the "Guess When The 50 Millionth Post Will Happen" contest is..."

But tonight there is one man who is not wearing a t-shirt, one man who will not be celebrating, indeed, one man who will be neither posting nor toasting. Instead, he will be bouncing, bouncing on a sidewalk, shirtless, outside some dark, lonely, Beantown dive--a sad man, a broken man, a man without a forum. We know that man as William Rivers Pitt, Exile from DUmmieland. What consolation does HE have, knowing he could not--could not!--make that 50 millionth post, nor even guess when it would occur! Oh, Pitt! How long must you stand alone, bouncing?

Ah, for happier times. . . . Even so, life goes on. And where there is a contest, there is a t-shirt to be awarded. Bolshevik Red, humble correspondent, and all that. . . .

And the winner of the "Guess When The 50 Millionth Post Will Happen" contest is...



[AAARRRGGHHH!!! It's NOT Pitt!!!]

peekaloo's time was 9:30PM on Thursday May 20, which was the closest guess.

["Closest guess." Pffft. . . . What's with this merit crap? Prizes should go to the most oppressed minority.]

She wins a fabulous DU T-Shirt.

[What about Will? What does he win? I'll tell you: NOTHING!]

And in case you were wondering who posted the 50 millionth post, well, it was...




one of our very own moderating team

[Oh, sure. A moderator. NOW we see how the wheel turns! RECOUNT! RECOUNT!]

who somewhat hilariously managed to post it right here.

[DUAC Earl then links to NYC_SKP's post, from another thread, which reads as follows . . .]

This, right here, the 50,000,000th DU Post. I'm pretty sure, within one or two at the worst.


We think he deserves a DU T-shirt too

[Of course! A white male, a member of the DU power structure. Of course he gets a t-shirt! LOUSY CORPORATISTS!!]

Congratulations to both of you, and thanks to everyone for taking part in the contest.

[Meanwhile, Wee Willie Pitt is standing outside, shivering, for lack of a shirt.]

A moderator you say

[I smell a protest brewing.]

It's only because we are glued to our keyboards and monitors like little children in a sweatshop.

[This from 50 millionth poster/t-shirt winner NYC_SKP, who, far from laboring in a sweatshop, sits in a moderator's mansion, sipping cocktails and enjoying the ill-gotten t-shirt that he ripped off the back of the peon prole posters.]

You say you do not get bathroom breaks?

[NYC_SKP posts while wearing his fabulous DU DiaperĀ®, specially designed for marathon posting. Not sold in stores.]

Why not T-shirts for everyone?


So can I say 9 years from today around 9ish pm DU breaks a hundred mill

[Yes, and like the first 50 mill, 50% of them will be from . . . LOUSY FREEPER TROLLS!!!]

I would like to thank my parents (Gert & Chuck), Pope Benedict XVI, the academy, George Clooney...

[You didn't even win, you DUmmie!]

Yay, peekaloo!

[Boo hoo, Pittipoo!]

This was soooo totally rigged! I always win these 50,000,000th guessing thangs.

[Better luck next time.]

can peekaloo PM me saturdays powerball numbers?

[Speaking truth to Powerball!]

I was only 12 minutes further away than she was!

[You win a fabulous DU sanitary sock.]

I think the next contest should be what century I make my 50 millionth post. I plan on living far, so good.

[Famous last words.]

But what of Pitt? Still on the outside, looking in. The best he can manage is someone else posting an excerpt from Pitt's latest truthout essay, in this lightly viewed and aptly named THREAD, "Killing Our World by Will Pitt."

Killing Our World by Will Pitt

[Don't worry, Will, our world has already been killed when a man like you is tombstoned.]

Uh, oh. Has Will Pitt become persona non gratis around here again?

[A-GAIN! And there's no indication if or when they'll let him back in.]

he's always gunned for me with a completely irrational hard-on for verbal violence - and played dirty on PM's while doing it. Mostly I just avoided him in recent years because it was making people sad to see that far into the snakepit.

[Will "Snake" Pitt, meanest hombre this side of the Pecos.]

He was served the delivery of asphalt.

[A granite cookie.]

We need him back!

[Come back, Will! Will, come back! . . . Oh, please, Skinner! Oh, please EarlG! We NEED Mr. Pitt!]


Anonymous Anonymous said...

"guaranteed to piss off the local Republicans as much as my punk rock t-shirts."-DUmmie

I wasn't pissed off by her shirt. All I wanted was a Pepsi, and SHE WOULDN'T GIVE IT TO ME!

11:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Has Will Pitt become persona non gratis"-DUmmie

What? Pitt's not free?

11:47 PM  
Anonymous krazy kat said...

A lousy T-shirt? What an anti-climax! You'd think the DU would provide the winning DUmmie with something meaningful, like a trip to Cuba to help with the sugar cane harvest, a week in Pyongyang, or a lost weekend with Will Pitt.

8:47 PM  
Anonymous DumbAss Tanker said...

"California Peggy in the Library with the Candlestick"

MEDIC!!! Get that mind bleach over here STAT!

9:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Curse you DumbAss Tanker! I didn't think about it that way until you mentioned it!

*happy thoughts, happy thoughts, happy thoughts...*

Dadgummit, it's not working.

10:28 PM  

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