Friday, January 16, 2009

Brother Pitt leads the testimonies: "How I came to DUmmieland"

It's testimony time! Can I get a witness? We're coming up on the EIGHTH anniversary of the founding of DUmmieland--a momentous occasion indeed--and so Brother Pitt is leading the DUmmie faithful in recounting just how, in divine providence, these poor souls were led to COME TO DUMMIELAND! The revival is taking place in this THREAD, the weightily titled, " January 20, 2001 - January 20, 2009."

Now there is a subtext going on in this thread: Pitt is trying to reclaim his former Pied Piper status, or at least trying to garner accolades based on it. Rule #1 with Pitt: It is ALWAYS . . . ALL ABOUT WILL.

And so we embark on a journey through time and history, surveying the sweep, the panorama, the warp and woof of DUmmieland, in Red-Letter-Day Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, awed at the spectacle, is in the [brackets]: January 20, 2001 - January 20, 2009

[Reads like a tombstone. Is this a sign?]

Eight years and one week ago. . . .

[Pitt wrote this on January 13, when it was one week LESS than eight years. Pedagogue Pitt, apparently, did not teach math.]

a few pissed-off Democrats. . . .

[Is there any other kind?]

a few pissed-off Democrats with an idea for a web forum unfurled a banner at the first inauguration of George W. Bush.

[Great moments in American history: Washington crossing the Delaware. Lincoln speaking at Gettysburg. Skinner hoisting a banner.]

Thus, DU was born.

[What sort of day was it? A day like all days, filled with those events that alter and illuminate our times, and . . . you . . . were there!]

Thank you, Skinner. Thank you, Elad. Thank you, EarlG. Thank you, moderators. Thank you, members. Thank you, donators. Thank you, posters.

[Thank you, Pitt. Thanx for the overwrought essays. Thanx for the drunken late-night screeds. Thanx for the backpedaling recantations. Thanx for the many departures and returns. Thanx for the journalistic scoops. Thanx for the limitless lode of comedy gold!]

I came to DU the following May, and have been here (off and on) ever since.

[The "off and on" part has been FUn!]

How about you? What brought you here?

[The short bus.]

What keeps you here?

[Skins' Island is kind of like Alcatraz: There's no escape.]

We're not just a week away from a new president. We're a week away from DU's most important birthday.

[DUmmieland being the more important of the two.]

Tell us your story.

[TESTIFY, brothers and sisters! And be sure to talk about ME and my invaluable contributions!]

First 5 DUers I met:
Earl G
Will Pitt
Pretty impressive list for the first 5 DUers I've met.

[Especially that last one, PITT!]

I'd felt alone and marginalized in rural Iowa in 2003. . . .

[Nothing but corn and soybeans, corn and soybeans, as far as the eye could see. Then, one day, that there internets thingy came along, when they electricafied the county, and now, HALLELUJAH, I HAVE SEEN THE LIGHT!!!]

This place has been a true lifeline for me. . . .

[It's been a true laffline for us.]

I was here from the beginning.

[In the beginning was the DUmmie, and the DUmmie was with Mod. . . .]

I can't remember how I found DU. . . .

[It's all an alcohol-induced fog now. . . .]

I didn't find DU until a few days after the 2004 election. . . . That day changed my life...seriously.


I discovered there were lots of other people who were feeling the same way I was...depressed, disillusioned and hopeless.

[And we still are.]

We've laughed, we've cried. . . .

[Here at the DUmmie FUnnies, we have just laughed.]

We've kept each other sane.

[You're kidding, right?]

You, Sir, are one of the folks that I always read.

[Sir William Pitt, the Drunker.]

The amount of knowledge coming down those pipes is astounding.

[The amount of cannabis coming down those pipes is astounding.]

I know everytime that I would post something, Will Pitt's post was always right above mine.

[The Ubiquitous Pitt. Ah, those were the days!]

I see that Will Pitt is still here.

[A mere shadow of his former Pied Piper self.]

I would venture a guess that nobody has posted more words to the DU than Will Pitt?

[I would guess that nobody has posted more words, PERIOD, IN ONE ESSAY, than Will Pitt.]

He was prolific. . . .

[He was prolix.]

I don't remember what brought me here. . . .

[I had passed out.]

I met Helen Thomas in the flower drive thanks to DU.


I've met a lot of fine people here and a surprisingly small number of a-holes.

[We all have our disappointments, ben.]

When I first came here, Will was one of the "gods" of DU.

[How the mighty have fallen!]

I've watched Will come and go. . . .

[So have we! What FUn!]

DU has been a venting place. . . .

[V For Venting.]

I wasn't always politically involved. I voted in the 2000 election because of my parents peskering me.

[Those pesty peskering parents!]

I selected my candidate based on the dumbest reason EVER. I read that Gore shares my birthday, so I voted for him.

[Look, voting for Algore for ANY reason would be DUmb!]

I surfed "Hate Bush" sites for a while. . . .

[Until I found DUmmieland, the MOTHER of all Hate Bush sites!]

There were probably fifty members at most. . . .

[There still are. The rest are tombstoned, sockpuppets, or LOUSY FREEPER TROLLS!]

DU has been my light in the darkness, my friend in time of need, my shoulder to cry on, my hug-buddy, my stinging high-five when things were going right, a fatal NASCAR wall-slam for stupid Freepers. . . .

[The Many Faces of DUmmieland.]

thank you Will Pitt for all the provocative writing over the years. . . .

[And the prevaricative writing, too, like the scoop on the Rove indictment.]

I predict DU will change quite a bit over the next 6 months. . . .

[You won't have Bushco to kick around anymore--so take it out on Obambi, Reid, and Pelosi!]

DU kept me sane(ish).

[That's a big "ish."]

It was a delight to yuck it up with you Will on more than one occasion.

[Will is Mr. Yuk.]

Used to read Free Republic all of the time and was seeing damn near CONSTANT references to DU and DUmmies.

[W00t! Another satisfied DUmmie FUnnies reader!]

Read both sites for over five years before becoming members (of both) last year.


STILL confused, angry and frightened (yep, even with Dems in charge)

[It's the DUmmie Way.]

I remember thinking the place had gone to hell when that Pitt guy started posting. . . .

[The Pitt of Hell!]

I was in a daze. . . .

[The Daze When Everything Finally Changed.]

Even when this place is in meltdown mode, there are the inspired shafts of brilliance, the solid, sensible posts (yes, you, Skinner!), the wild flights of insanity (we're still all William Pitt). . . .

[William Pitt EMBODIES wild flights of insanity.]

the hot wings keep me coming back. . . .

[All of them left wings.]

i began lurking in 2004 when i googled "bush sucks" and "i hate bush"

[The essence of DUmmieness.]

yay!!!! seeing someone put rethugs in their proper place UNITES people!!!

[Let the healing begin!]

I came aboard in March 2002 after reading the essay "Stand Your Ground" by none other than William Rivers Pitt. . . .

[I had started reading it in June 2001. . . .]

I accidentally found this place while looking for porn.

[The Ben Burch Story.]

I really hope there will be a DU banner on display at the Obama inauguration.


I find DU to be a refuge in a world of lunacy, though we have our own brand of that lunatic thing going on.

[The word is "moonbat."]

I got lost in this weird series of tubes, and woke up here!

[It happens.]

Bless DU and all here, past and present.

[Gaia bless us, every one.]

This place rocks!

[This place reeks!]

DU brought my husband and I together. . . . the SD forum decided to have a DU meetup in the area where I lived, and he attended the meetup. It was over a year later before our friendship took a romantic turn, but that was the beginning, thanks to DU.

[Awwww!!! How sweet! Love among the DUmmies!]

I wonder how many relationships started here.

[None for DUmmie stevenumbers.]

DU is my electronic home!

[DU is our electronic ant farm!]

I lurked everyday for three years and then this April I quit smoking and had to do something to keep my hands busy.

[DU as electronic knitting needles.]

anger, frustration, dark clouds gathering, some getting ready to, or actually leaving the country.

[You mean getting ready to actually TALK about leaving the country.]

it's such a gas to hear everyone's story!

[It's like pepper gas, only FUnnie!]

I'm sure I'll stay here until the sun explodes and swallows the earth in a fiery Ragnarök.

[Then you'll be posting, blaming it on Bush.]

Meeting Beings of Light like you has definitely been the best part of hanging out at DU!

[The Unbeatable Lightness of Being Beings of Light!]

Thank you, fellow electrons.

[Are you positive?]

Couldn't begin my day without DU.

[A day without DU is like breakfast without sunshine.]

I didn't have a computer until 2007.

[Before that, I got DU on my typewriter.]

DU has been the best counter to Rove's reverse and absurd reality campaign and voo-doo.

[Leading you to believe that is part of the Rovian voodoo.]

My instincts tell me that our Dem leaders don't appreciate what goes on here.

[Democratic Understatement.]

If we want to see progressive change, we are the ones who will have to make it happen. Sitting and bitching will no longer suffice.


Thanks DU and thank you Mr. Pitt!!

[They Call Me MISTER Pitt!]


Anonymous Anonymous said...

My instincts tell me that our Dem leaders don't appreciate what goes on here.

You're right grasshopper, it's a sign, perhaps (just perhaps), that the Dem leaders aren't as demented as you. Now shut up and stay in the basement.

...and vote Quimby.

9:40 PM  
Blogger Bilgeman said...

"DU brought my husband and I together. . . . the SD forum decided to have a DU meetup in the area where I lived, and he attended the meetup. It was over a year later before our friendship took a romantic turn, but that was the beginning, thanks to DU."

Please,God!...don't breed.

Just don't breed!

That a child should sleep in a crib under a William Rivers Pitt poster is a ghastly enough punishment.

And then of course, one day, the nipper will grow up and track his parents' electronic courtship via the Wayback Machine...

No...don't breed.

I weep for the future.

11:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Thus, DU was born."

Humm. Seems that Pitt has forgotten that the DU was "born" as a "secret" website, available to only a select few and not to the masses, and that Pitt has, on several (drunken) occasions, expressed his desire to return to that "closed" format. Why this omission, Pitt? Don't you want your worker ants to know that you, Skinner, and the rest of the queen ants wanted this ant farm available only to the chosen few? Are you afraid of receiving a rightly deserved Elite label or something?

Come on, Pitt., let the truth be known! You really don't want the DU to be a public forum, do you! You want it to return to being a secret society, don't you!

11:13 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm sure I'll stay here until the sun explodes and swallows the earth in a fiery Ragnarök.

DUmmie Vikings ?

10:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Wall-to-wall" coverage? More like, "Through the walls, down the stairs, up on the rooftop, over the river and through the woods" coverage! Charles

Poor babies. Must be so hard. Friggin pussies. Red State's organizing a "Strike Force". I suggest you all join and reconnect with your inner 'Chaotic'. It worked so well the first time. Keep listening to your leaders: Pills Limbaugh, Ann 'Adam's Apple' Coulter, etc. They'll show you the light. They've been so good at guiding the way so far, haven't they?

You all just keep on doing what you're doing. Everything will work out fine.

3:30 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Troggy boy, you just can't help yourself can you, little lad.
We missed your inane blathering. Come visit again real soon, ok, troggy boy?


10:13 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


I thought your sabbatical from DUF and all the Holiday season cheer would mellow you.

But no, your inner Scrooge remains intact. The mistletoe, the new socks and the oceans of egg nog had no effect. You're as surly and nasty as ever. The ghosts of Presidents Past will continue to haunt and enrage you while the new President slouches toward Washington to complete the economic ruin of the nation.

Happy New Year, dumbass.

4:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Happy New Year, dumbass." good buddy elrond

You too, fuckhead.

3:17 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Troggy boy, you just can't help yourself can you, little lad. We missed your inane blathering. Come visit again real soon, ok, troggy boy?" Skul

skul shows up to predict that I, troglaman, will show up. It's an honor. Serious brain power happening before your very eyes, my friends. I couldn't begin to predict who might show up here. Ray and elrond wouldn't for sure.

And I, troglaman, would like to make a prediction myself: skul will keep predicting my participation. It's a somehow difficult yet rewarding task for the skulman. Let me say that I, troglaman, am behind him all the way and will reward his sad and meager efforts to emulate my hero, Kreskin.

I'm right here, bro.

4:15 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Please,God!...don't breed.

Unfortunately, odds are that at least one time he will get it in the wrong hole and get her pregnant.

Troggy, 04:15 for your post? Later than usual - you get lucky at the midget tranny bar finally?

4:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Troggy, 04:15 for your post? Later than usual - you get lucky at the midget tranny bar finally?" redneck stupo head

It was 1:15 my time. Christ. I know this is a difficult concept, but I live near Seattle. Not Boston. And, yes, I did get lucky at the midget tranny bar. Happy now?

3:26 AM  

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