Wednesday, December 31, 2008

"My haiku made it onto the Rude Pundit!!!!"

Well, it has been an interesting year here on the DUmmie FUnnies: the primaries, Operation Chaos, the general campaign and election, BDS (Bush Derangement Syndrome), PMS (Palin Madness Syndrome), and the brief micro-honeymoon Obambi enjoyed with the Looney Left (if you blinked, you missed it). All of it chronicled and ribbed for your pleasure here on the DUFUs!

The DUmmies, too, are in a reflective mood, as they take stock of the year now ending. Some of them have even expressed their thoughts in poetical form, using the Japanese haiku (5-7-5) as their model. Apparently, there is a blog called
the rude pundit that solicited such submissions. Well, by golly, one of the DUmmies, Tangerine LaBamba (a screen name, perhaps), excitedly reports her triumph, in this THREAD, "My haiku made it onto the Rude Pundit!!!!" So let's see what all the haiku hullabaloo is about, in Rising Sun Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, himself the wag tailoring the doggerel, is in the [brackets]:

My haiku made it onto the Rude Pundit!!!!

[Better yet, you made the DUmmie FUnnies!!!!]

I would like to thank everyone who made this possible - my agent . . .

[Who asks, "Where's my 10% commission?"]

my parents . . .

[Ma and Pa LaBamba, who named their little bundle of joy, "Tangerine."]

my cleaning lady . . .

[Whose work is NEVER finished.]

my exorcist . . .

[Whose work is NEVER finished.]

and, of course, all the little people out there who did everything they could to help me make this dream of mine, this crazy, silly dream that never had a chance of coming true, come true.

[Enough already! So where is this prize-winning haiku?]

All praise to some kind of deity who might be more wonderful than I am, but I can't think of any right now.

[Not even Gaia?]

I'm so excited!

[I just can't hide it
I'm about to lose control
I think I like it]

(The music swells.)

[So does your head. But Tangerine, baby, in your excitement you forgot to show us your haiku! So let's go to that rude pundit site for a moment and behold your magnum opus . . .]

If I live too long
Spring will bring another Bush.
I hope I die first.

[Here lies Tangerine
A Democrat Underground
From Bush Derangement]

I bow before your greatness. . . .

[Chaucer. Shakespeare. Milton. Tennyson. LaBamba. A prodigious pantheon of poetic powerhouses.]

I like it, but it's not a haiku. In fact, none of them are. Those are senryus--same syllable count, but it's about human life rather than nature.

[You can't be senryus!]

Very cool. I love the Rude Pundit.

[What about the Useless Pundidiot, William Rivers Pitt?]

This calls for dancing rodents. Conga rats!

[Conga rats from your fellow Demon rats!]

Forsooth... Basho is in deep sh*t.

[DUmmie Tandalayo_Scheisskopf compares Tangerine LaBamba to the master of the haiku, Matsuo Basho. (Yes, I had to google "Basho," but I wanted an excuse to put "Tandalayo_Scheisskopf" and "Tangerine LaBamba" in the same sentence.)]

"All the little people." I feel like a leprechaun.

[You smell like a leper colony.]

Your haiku impressed
Some guy with a bitter blog
Whoop de frickin' do

[Hey, tough crowd, tough crowd
Tangerine gets no respect
Go take a haiku!]

- - - - -

The year in review:

DUmmieland Ant Farm:
Loads and loads of FUn!

Who's Who at DUFU:
DUmmies, KOmmies, and HUffies.
It's PJ's Playhouse!

PJ, we beg you:
No waistpack on the Beaver!
We might call PETA

William Rivers Pitt
How the mighty have fallen!
Off Bukowski's stool

Tigress of Tuzla
Hillary Rodham Clinton
Stay off the tarmac!

Rezko, Wright, and Ayers
Under the bus they shall go
Yes we can throw them

Eliot Spitzer
Emperors Club Number Nine
Prostitutin' Spitz

Two Americas
Silky Phony John Edwards
Two o' marriages

"Spread the wealth around"
Opossum on the bike who
Wants to tax-hike you

Change that looks the same
Rahm and the Clintonistas
Honeymoon over

Senate seat for sale
Me, I want to make money
How much am I bid?

Blago may go down
So let's all wish the DUmmies
A Merry Fitzmas!

And looking ahead to the inauguration . . .

Emperor Zero
Cold, so bitter and clinging
Temperature zero

Hardscrabble, Scranton
Home Depot, Beltway Joe now
Gaffe Machine unplugged

Two Thousand and Nine
The Year When Everything Changed

Healing, wealth for all
Tax cuts, chiseled pecs, world peace
Lightworker, The One


Anonymous Anonymous said...

All praise to some kind of deity who might be more wonderful than I am, but I can't think of any right now.

Of course not, O Center Of The Universe.


('Choose An Identity' dinna work unless you're a Google/Blogger. Screw that.)

8:47 AM  
Anonymous Anon 1:50 said...

I think poetry
is a peurile exercise
for wasted losers.

Burma Shave

9:42 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

DUmmies must not know
How amusing they can be!
Never stop posting.

1:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My Haiku, By: DUmmie

She can't get inside
Mein Mutter Saubere Frau
Damn pizza Boxes!

9:43 PM  
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