Monday, July 16, 2012

"That is how, folks, you talk to a do-nothing Tea Party Congressman."


A "bouncy" is a certain type of DUmmieland thread, in which the opening poster (the OP) relates a supposedly real-life experience, wherein the poster has either confronted or converted some stupid Rethuglican. The poster has run into said Rethug at a family gathering or in a grocery store line or some such. One of the features of a bouncy is the poster's uncanny ability to recall and reproduce, in precise detail, the exact dialogue that ensued. These tales are highly embellished, of course, if not utterly fictitious. And the point of them all is to make the poster look good and thus garner hearty congratulations from his fellow DUmmies for his prog courage and quick thinking.

We have such a  bouncy today. DUmmie OneAngryDemocrat tells off a Rethuglican congressman, no less, here in this THREAD, "That is how, folks, you talk to a do-nothing Tea Party Congressman." (That is how OneAngryDemocrat quotes HIMSELF for the thread title!)

So get ready to give it up for DUmmie OneAngryDemocrat, in Red Rubber Bouncy Ball, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, is in the [brackets]:

"That is how, folks, you talk to a do-nothing Tea Party Congressman."

[How, DUmmie OneAngryDemocrat? Do you have some special super-DUper way to do that? Do you speak from personal experience perhaps? Do go on . . .]

So... I'm working the Stephenson County Democrats booth at the County Fair, right?

[If you say so. Now that we've established the setting, please proceed with your bouncy . . .]

We're getting ready to call it a day when Republican Rep. Bobby Schilling walks up with an entourage of fascist Tea Baggers looking for a photo op shaking the hand of a local democrat.

["Hi, I'm Congressman Bobby Schilling, here with my fascist Tea Bagger posse--note the brown shirts--looking for a nice photo op to show folks how friendly and 'down-home' I am and how I am willing to 'reach across the aisle,' so to speak. Will you be my stage prop, kind Democrat?"]

I take the Congressman's hand and tell him, "We've met before, Congressman." "You do look familiar," he tells me.

[Maybe the congressman saw you on "America's Most Wanted."]

"Yeah," I tell him. "I debated Paul Ryan's bullsh*t budget you supported with the Tea Party's John Arn at the Rockford Public Library." "I remember!" says the Congressman. "We're just doing what's best for America!"

[Note the amount of detail in this exactly reproduced dialogue, complete with the OP's bravado in telling off the congressman.]

"Getting rid of two tax brackets," I tell him - my voice getting a little louder, "and consolidating the rest so that middle class Americans get a tax hike isn't in my interests as an American, Congressman."

[This is probably a slightly embellished and polished version of what DUmmie OneAngryDemocrat actually was able to blather out at the  moment, which was something along the lines of "Rethuglicans am BAD!"]

"We're going to have to agree to disagree," the guy says. "Don't you think that we're both trying to do what's best for the country?" "Well, no, Congressman," I say to him. "I think some people have their own interests at heart, instead of the country's."

[Oooh, BURN! It's amazing, DUmmie OneAngryDemocrat, how you are able to come up with these quick-wtted, silver-tongued retorts right there on the spot, on the spur of the moment! It's almost like if someone were to recreate the scene hours later, with what they WISH they had said! But no, you come up with these things right there on the spot! And then you are able to REMEMBER what you said--and he said--in such minute detail! Amazing!]

It's at this point that my voice is DEFINITELY above what could be considered a calm or level tone.

[DUmmie OneAngryDemocrat is ready to BLOW! I bet that Rethug congressguy was shaking in his boots!]

"Right down the street, here (in Freeport, Illinois), you have the Sensata company getting ready to lay off all of it's workers and ship operations overseas. Your response was to write a letter and "beg" the CEO of Sensata to reconsider the move. You are a Congressman, sir! Do you represent all those Freeport residents who are going to be soon out of a job, or do you represent the company?"

[WOW! OneTeabaggingRethuglican PWNED!! And I especially liked your "You are a Congressman, sir!" line. The "sir" at the end is such a nice touch. PWNAGE!]

Instead of even trying to formulate any sort of reasonable response, the man tries to say something about the President - but I interrupt the Congressman at that point and remind him that we're not talking about the fellow living in the White House, but just what it is he is going to do as our local Representative about a local factory closing shop shipping everything over to Communist China.

[Oh, man! You are PLAYING with this guy now, like a cat pawing a mouse!]

The guy knows he's not going to get any good press out of this exchange, being just a tad-bit brighter than all of his Tea Party supporters, smiles, and beats a hasty retreat without saying another word.

[In reality, Congressman Schilling was probably thinking to himself: "What a jackass! Stupid Democrat won't even shake my hand. And what kind of a debate point is 'Rethuglicans am bad'??"]

As he walks away I give it one more shot: "Do your job Congressman: Represent your constituients."

[Ooh! Ouch!]

All the folks at the other County Fair booths around us just stand and look at me, like, 'What just happened? What did we just see?'

[Ladies and gentlemen, you have just witnessed the greatness that IS . . . OneAngryDemocrat.]

"That is how, folks, " I say as I return to breaking down the booth, "you talk to a do-nothing Tea Party Congressman."

[A rhetorical tour de force! DUmmie OneAngryDemocrat, we are in awe! Now receive the plaudits of your adoring public . . .]

Comments?

[Compliments? OneAngryDemocrat himself posts the first reply, as a way to fish for applause.]

Hard to come up with a comment when you've already said it all. Well done!

 


Well done indeed.


You did good.




Excellent. . . . Well done!


Truth.

 


Incredibly well played.

 


I did get to lay some of this garbage on Schilling's shoulders and that was the goal.

[No, OneAngryDemocrat, the goal was for you to get all that applause. Mission accomplished. You have posted a successful bouncy. It almost certainly did not happen as you describe; however, you SOUND tough here before your fellow DUmmies, and that's what counts! They LIKE you, they really like you!]

Please run for office.

[Our nation turns its lonely eyes to you, OneAngryDemocrat. Primary Obama!]

vids or it didn't happen ;)

[I'll go with "It didn't happen."]

This reads like the script for an instructional video for Democrats.

[It reads like a script, alright.]

Freakin' excellent! These @ssholes always expect us to be polite, smile, and just go along with their program. . . .

[Instead, you showed them what we are REALLY like--obnoxious, unfriendly, rude. . . .]

Good for you! Shilling is an abomination.

[An abomination in Obama Nation!]

I think we need to be a little mad.

[Why stop at a little?]

Here is my episode today . . .

[Oh, a bouncy WITHIN a bouncy! This one from DUmmie mick063. Please proceed . . .]

Washington State Representative, Larry Haler (R), knocked on my door today and handed me a pamphlet and asked for my vote. I was going to just take it and let him go. The pamphlet was headed for the trash as soon as the door shut.  But......he handed me another pamphlet and asked for my support for Gubernatorial candidate, Rob Mckenna. He added that they were both going to fight against "Obama care". I asked him if Rob Mckenna belonged to the Tea Party. "No" he replied. I mused over the response for a bit but didn't press it.

[DUmmie mick063 took it easy on his feeble opponent. Continue . . .]

I told him that I am diametrically opposed to his politics. I support the Affordable Health Care Act.

[Uh, mick, that's the Affordable TAX Act, or AFF-TAX! for short. Doesn't make health care more affordable, that's for sure. But go on . . .]

I added, "There are two big fears out there. Fear of big government and fear of big money. My biggest fear is of the banks and corporations. I can democratically elect the leadership of government. I have no influence over the leaders of banks and corporations except through government. Deregulation, subsidizing, reducing government oversight by taking the wrecking ball to government. These are the last things i want to do."

[That's good, mick063. Good bouncy style. Mounds of dialogue, precisely reproduced, almost as though you were making this stuff up after the fact.]

My voice gradually raised as I spoke.

[Did you bang your gavel and stamp your little feet?]

He smiled and walked off. He knew he wasn't going to get my vote.

[Again, the Rethug was actually thinking: "Stupid git. No use wasting my time on this loser."]

[Thank you, mick063. Now more comments on OneAngryDemocrat's bouncy . . .]

You hooked a big fish, had'm alongside the boat...gave us all a nice look...and then let'm get away. They flip and flop and are too slimey to get a good hold but I know if we learn how to play them better we'll eventually have them for breakfast. Good catch, just the same.

[Well, there was something fishy about it, I'll give you that.]

Just wondering. What could he have done, other than beg them to stay? Really, we all want our congresscritters to do something, but what can any of them do, in the face of a company leaving?

[DUmmie Marcia Brady (36 posts) dares to challenge the argument OneAngryDemocrat used on the congressman!]

How embarrassing for you, to have to come here and shill like this.

[DUmmie geckosfeet jumps on Marcia Brady for shilling.]

I'm not shilling. . . .

[We know you're not Schilling, Marcia. That's the congressman. Or maybe. . . . Hmmm. . . .]

you are defending him. IMO that's shilling.

[Who, "him"? THAT Schilling? Who's on first?]

I'm not defending him. Don't even know who he is.

[He's Schilling. And you're shilling. For Schilling. THIRD BASE!]

She isn't shilling.

[Naturally!]

Really, if the company isn't doing anything illegal, there is a limit to what Congress (D or R) can threaten them with.

[Not in the NEW America! Not in Obama Nation! We can threaten and punish ANYONE for ANYTHING! Especially rich white guys.]

He could vote for a law that would expropriate the assets of companies that move jobs overseas and give it to the workers. . . .

[This brilliant idea is posted by DUmmie socialist_n_TN, he/she of the Karl Marx avatar. I kid you not.]

You step in and provide an incentive for them to support their country by supporting the workers of this country. You find out what is happening in the profit and loss statements of that company. . . .

[Watch out, DUmmie MrMickeysMom, you are stumbling very close to a conservative idea. . . .]

What might that incentive be? Tax breaks?

[Which DUmmie Marcia Brady then nails! Imagine, not PUNISHING businesses with excessive taxation, so that they could actually make a decent profit here at home! What a novel concept! DUmmie Marcia Brady (36 posts), you MUST be a LOUSY FREEPER TROLL!!!]

All they have is talking points and slogans and bumper sticker phrases because they really don't understand any of this. They're just angry and lashing out, and acting out. They just know what sounds good in feeding their outrage and indignation. And they'll believe anything at this point.

[The irony is rich with this one.]

Bobby is a real nasty piece of work. . . . I'm across the river from Rock Island and Bobby is the Rep I want to see defeated most this November. , , , Go Cheri!

Cheri Bustos is the Democratic candidate for Congress, Illinois' 17th district!

[Cheri Bustos or bust! Say, she's not a Cherokee, is she? What are her cheekbones like?]

schilling can kiss my ass and I don't even live in Illinois.

[benburch weighs in.]

you are my hero. seriously. i want to stand next to you. BRAVO!

[OneAngryDemocrat is LOVING this!]

DUDE, YOU KICKED HIS TEABAGGER ASS!

[The Joy of Bouncy!]

29 Comments:

Anonymous Jerome Goolsby said...

I read this when I dropped by DU to monitor what the enemies of America might be promoting. First thing I thought after I read it was "pure fiction". The asshat that made that DU post is as phony as Troglaman The Guttersnipe, and that ain't good.

11:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My, my. The DUmbasses have an interesting fantasy life, don't they? And if OneAngryDemocrat ever crawls out of his mommy's basement and actually meets a girl ... well, let's not go there.

3:14 AM  
Anonymous envisio said...

Anonymous, you are assuming that OneAngryDemocrat likes girls. Thats a slippery slope indeed.
But help me remember a joke that was on my mind this morning that I can't remember. Something about the reason they changed welfare checks over to debit cards because the lazy democrats were having to put down the bong and walk "all the way to the mailbox" for their wellfare check. I can't recall the wording of the joke.... anyway, carry on.

9:20 AM  
Anonymous envisio said...

I love the way these bouncies ALWAYS start out with a situation that shows that they are a compassionate card-carrying democrat.
"I was in Whole Foods buying whey germ and tofu when..."
"I was serving meals at a soup kitchen when..."
"I was in a democrat booth at a county fair when..."
"I was walking door to door for (insert moonbat candidate) campaign when..."
"I was helping a kitty get out of the road when..."

They never say what they were actually doing.
"I was really high and walked into the wrong house when..."
"I was wiping the fecal matter off of my chest after sodimizing my lover when..."
"I walked up to a family that was having a prayer in my dominatrix outfit when..."
"I was in my tenth hour of playing my video game and about to get to level 5 when..."
"My mom brought some HotPockets downstairs when..."

9:34 AM  
Anonymous Corona said...

@envisio
"I was really high and walked into the wrong house when..."
Priceless.

I remember the last bouncy about some guy ranting in some small grocery store. That was a good laugh too.

1:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ooooh, DUmmie storytime! *gets comfortable*

8:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why don't they just be honest & use the name "C. Milquetoast?" Oh, wait, honesty from a libtard...
--Tennessee Budd

8:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

File this one under Fiction. That shelf is getting full.

Might Sensata be moving because everybody is leaving Illinois? Caterpillar threatened to leave last year over high taxes. Navistar threatened and got bribed. Sears is threatening. Mitsubishi, Motorola, US Cellular, Jimmy Johns, Continental Tire, CME, and the Chicago Board Options Exchange. Just to name the big ones. Texas is the number one destination for businesses fleeing states hostile to business, Louisiana is up there, Utah, and Indiana has been pretty aggressive in poaching Illinois businesses. That state is screwed, and for good reason.

Stupid people make me smile.

8:40 PM  
Anonymous The ULTIMATE Man said...

Anonymous said...

"Stupid people make me smile."


Then Troglafuck ought to damn near make you giggle with glee.

10:56 PM  
Anonymous envisio said...

Corona said= """"I remember the last bouncy about some guy ranting in some small grocery store. That was a good laugh too...."""

I recall that one but I think the DUmmies started to let on that they believed the poster to be an imposter because the item he claimed to purchase were just too coincidentally treehugger liberal. Tofu everything, soy everything, green/enviro-friendly everything,herbal tea, wearing birkenstocks. He seemed to be trying too hard to convince them he was a treehugger.
My stories usually start out... "I in my backyard shooting some rounds out of my .40 M&P, waiting for my deer steaks to grill when..."

4:17 PM  
Blogger 98ZJUSMC said...

Jerome Goolsby said...
I read this when I dropped by DU to monitor what the enemies of America might be promoting. First thing I thought after I read it was "pure fiction". The asshat that made that DU post is as phony as Troglaman The Guttersnipe, and that ain't good.


Yep. Saw this excerpted at the Cave a few days ago. The fiction starts from the git-go. All the signs are there. They just can't help themselves. The "rising voice" and the "crowd turning".

ROFL....
ROFL....
ROFL....

Pure gold.

8:14 PM  
Blogger 98ZJUSMC said...

Tofu everything, soy everything, green/enviro-friendly everything,herbal tea, wearing birkenstocks. He seemed to be trying too hard to convince them he was a treehugger.

Sounds like a Hollywood screenplay.

8:18 PM  
Blogger Son Of The Godfather said...

"That is how, folks, you create a ridiculous fable in an attempt to bolster your cyber-cred with like-minded simpletons."

8:28 PM  
Blogger 98ZJUSMC said...

The funniest part about this (to me anyway)is, I have yet to see an adolescent fairytale like this on a right- leaning site.

Never have.

10:05 PM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"The funniest part about this (to me anyway)is, I have yet to see an adolescent fairytale like this on a right- leaning site." jarhead

"Maybe he just wanted to do a porno shoot of her. I don’t know why anyone would but there are a lot of very sick videos on the Internet." comment at The Blaze, about Michelle Obama.

Now you have, jarhead.

You're not fooling me, the mighty troglaman. You've seen comments like this for fucking ever. You ALL have. "Adolescent fairy-tales" indeed.

On to another subject...why is the mittwit not disclosing his taxes?

And has anybody made any progress on the Rapture Machine yet?

12:47 AM  
Blogger 98ZJUSMC said...

"Maybe he just wanted to do a porno shoot of her. I don’t know why anyone would but there are a lot of very sick videos on the Internet." comment at The Blaze, about Michelle Obama.

Ummm....what the f*ck are you talking about, Gramps?

Now you have, jarhead.


No, I haven't, needledick.

You're not fooling me, the mighty troglaman. You've seen comments like this for fucking ever.

Sure, all the time at DUllard Central. You primitives can't help yourselves.

Romney has released everything he is required to release. How come your pathetic Lightbringer spends millions to keep his records sealed, numbnuts?

And has anybody made any progress on the Rapture Machine yet?

You will be the first one to know when I perfect the Time Machine. Trust me.

Or, maybe you won't......

Anywho, Happy Alzheimer's ....before you forget.

5:52 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"On to another subject...why is the mittwit not disclosing his taxes?"

Or his academic records, and why is he withholding the information about Fast and Furious and why did he take so long to give in to Hillary Clinton's request to show his birth certificate.

Oh, again, not Romney. Nevermind.

8:09 AM  
Anonymous envisio said...

The reason he hasn't disclosed his academic records is because they don't exist. There is one sheet of paper in his file with a big ole stamp on the front that says "AFFIRMATIVE ACTION = PASS".

8:39 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Poor Troggy.

You're like a school of Argument Fish being chased by the Truth Shark. You zig, you zag, but you just can't ever escape.

Honestly? It makes me laugh.

8:45 AM  
Anonymous envisio said...

This is the story of Troglofuck clone/stupid kid/DUmmie. See, its a form of bouncy but betrayed in the a truthful way, not like the bouncies on DUmmieland.

It starts off with a speaker. A Christian charter school has set up to speak about the conservative candidate. He speaks elequently, stating facts without any profanity or parading fags in speedos and Guy Fawkes masks.

During the speech a voice echos from the back...
"fuck you teabagger"
Other voices nearby sound their approval...
("yeah... woohoo... yeah you told his ass!")
The speaker ignores the interupter until the the shout comes out again.
"Rethugs suck!"
(ooooh!!)
(yeah, you owned his ass)
At this time the crowd has noticed and is turning in an annoyed way to see where the protest is coming from. They spot 5 skateboarders with hair in their face, raged clothing and several piercings thoughout their bodies. Nonetheless the speaker continues.
"fucking facist teabagging dicks!"
(ooooooh, OWNED!)
(you owned his ass!)
(yeah, rethugs suck!)
(wooohoooo ~highfives~)
The speaker is visibly annoyed and asked the kid, "Is there something you would like to add? Would you like to come up and debate the issues?"
The kid is shaken because everyone is now staring at him. He comes back with a response that is well thought out and explains his position meaningfully.
"Yeah I debate with your mom you teabag facist rethug! Rethugs suck!"
(wooohooo, ~highfives all around~)
(what you gonna say now rethug?)
(Yeah your mom sucks)
The speaker, seeing that he is not going to get anywhere with this kid, just goes back to his speach. The kids get on their skateboards, do a couple tricks off a wall and skate down the road.
Later, after much praise from his mates, the kid retires to his room after his mother gives him his dinner to sneak and smoke his last joint of the day. He immediately goes to facebook and brags about his exploits; how he pwnd a facist today. Several of his friends reply with praise. He explains how good his weed is right now and how high he is becoming. He snaps a picture holding the last part of the roach and posts it, tagging it with "rethugs suck". Right before his mother tells him to cut the computer off, he changes his profile...

"ACTIVIST"

That is how a bouncy goes.

9:30 AM  
Anonymous Jerome Goolsby said...

Scared shitless by reality, TROGLAMAN THE GUTTERSNIPE angrily power-slams his head up his ass in absolute terror as reality continues to crush his fantasy world.

Just keep power-slamming your head up your ass, Guttersnipe. In the end it won't help you - reality cannot be stopped no matter how many times or at what speed you slam your head up your ass, Guttersnipe, you linguini-spined coward. It's going to crush you like the empty worthless excuse for a man you are.

11:34 AM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"Ummm....what the f*ck are you talking about, Gramps?" jarhead

You said..."I have yet to see an adolescent fairytale like this on a right- leaning site." jarhead

So I, troglaman, went to Beck's "The Blaze" and found a twisted adolescent fairytale about Michelle Obama... "Maybe he just wanted to do a porno shoot of her. I don’t know why anyone would but there are a lot of very sick videos on the Internet."

It took about 30 seconds.

And then you claim to have never seen shit like this on right-leaning sites.

I don't believe you. My dog doesn't believe you. The fungus between my toes doesn't believe you. My fucking LAWN doesn't believe you.

BTW, not one of you explained why the mittwit isn't releasing his taxes.

"He doesn't have to," doesn't mean shit.

Why is the mittwit not releasing his taxes? Here's a clue - he knows why. Do you? Nope.

But that's fine with you, jackass.

Forward me any Rapture machine blue-prints.

12:36 AM  
Anonymous Jerome Goolsby said...

Terrified of the real world and fueled by Everclear, TROGLAMAN - the lying, vicious, hate-mongering Anti-American Guttersnipe of the DUmmie FUnnies Blog - desperately power-slammed his head repeatedly up his ass at Mach 16.9 in his latest desperate attempt to make his fantasy universe overcome reality, emitting huge piles of worthless mental excrement....

More mindless babble from Troglaman The Guttersnipe, a sick perverted moral coward...

"BTW, not one of you explained why (Mitt Romney, who is so vastly superior to me, the mightly pathetic Troglaman, that I'm even more incapable than usual in forming even the semblance of a coherent statement) isn't releasing his taxes.

"He doesn't have to," doesn't mean shit." - Troglaman - The Sick Perverted Clone of William Rivers Pitt


That's because minor things like reality, law, logic and reasonable procedure don't mean shit to you, Guttersnipe, you sorry pathetic moral coward.

Why is (Mitt Romney, who is so vastly superior to me, the mightly pathetic Troglaman, that I'm even more incapable than usual in forming even the semblance of a coherent statement) not releasing his taxes? Here's a clue - he knows why. Do you? Nope." - Troglaman babbling in between power-slamming his head up his ass at Mach 16.9 and chugging liters of straight EVERCLEAR.

Actually most of us do know why, Guttersnipe, you pathetic moral coward. He doesn't have to. And your refusal to accept that is meaningless no matter how many times and at what Mach speed you power-slam your head up your ass, Guttersnipe. No matter how hard you try, Guttersnipe, you can't warp reality and impose your clueless stupidity in its place by power-slamming your head up your ass, foaming at the mouth, and howling like a mad dog like you do on this blog.

Not like you're going to stop doing that though, Guttersnipe...it's the only option you have. Too bad...just means reality is going to really bitch-slap hard when it gets to you as it ultimately will.

1:38 AM  
Anonymous Mister Magnificent said...

troglatroll said...

"Ummm....what the f*ck are you talking about, Gramps?" jarhead

You said..."I have yet to see an adolescent fairytale like this on a right- leaning site." jarhead

So I, troglaman, went to Beck's "The Blaze" and found a twisted adolescent fairytale about Michelle Obama... "Maybe he just wanted to do a porno shoot of her. I don’t know why anyone would but there are a lot of very sick videos on the Internet."

It took about 30 seconds.

And then you claim to have never seen shit like this on right-leaning sites.

I don't believe you. My dog doesn't believe you. The fungus between my toes doesn't believe you. My fucking LAWN doesn't believe you.


You're a liar...there is no such comment on that site you sorry jackass.

2:04 AM  
Anonymous The ULTIMATE Man said...

FOAD Troglafuck you racist fucking lying fucked up fucking fuckwad.

2:15 PM  
Anonymous The JUDGE said...

Still can't come on this blog without feeling you have to prove for the umpteenth time you're a worthless son of a worthless fucking bastard and prove your arguably the stupidest person on the net can you Troglatwit?

Dumbass....

8:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Troggy....don't Bogart that joint give me the name of your dealer, I could use some top quality weed.

1:08 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Troggy, not only is Romney superior to you, just about everyone on two legs is superior to you. Smegma is superior to you and to your fantasy significant other KayInsane. Pus from a running sore is superior to you. It's no wonder you have to refer to yourself as "mighty"; if you didn't, no one would. I almost feel sorry for you, what with your being inferior even to herpes.

1:37 PM  
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12:53 AM  

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