How to Scam Free Drinks from Trust Fund Pitt
America Must Declare War on America
[Bukowski's Special: Just recite those magic words and score FREE beer care of the Trust Fund Kid.]
I was polishing the local bartop with my elbows the other day next to a naturalized Irishman who works as an electrician. He asked what I did for a living, and I winced a little before telling him, "I write politics," because I knew what was coming. As ever, when I let people know what I do while in the confines of a drinking establishment, I was immediately subjected to a sustained violation of The First Law Of The Bar: "Thou shalt not talk of religion or politics here."
[Don't be so humble, Pitt. You should have told the Irishman about how you broke the story about Karl Rove being indicted on May 12, 2006.]
Such moments are normally excruciating for me, pretty much entirely because the absolute last thing I want to do while nursing a whiskey and watching a ballgame is talk shop. This time, however, was different. My new friend regaled me with a succinct, accurate and scathing assessment of his adopted country - "Millions of people need work, the infrastructure of the country is falling down around our ears, but no one in power seems able or willing to put one and one together and solve two problems with one stroke," he railed at one point - before summing it all up with a single, perfect, devastating brick.
"America," he said, "has a war on drugs that doesn't work. It has a war on poverty that doesn't work. It has a war on crime that has only managed to fill its prisons. It has wars in Afghanistan and Iraq that didn't work. You want to fix everything that has gone wrong? There's only one answer: America must declare war on America."
[The Irishman obviously knew the key to unlocking Pitt's trust fund bucks.]
My new friend did not pay for another drink the rest of the night.
[See how easy it was?]
Absolutely God damned right.
[More clichéd Pitt writing.]
America must declare war on America, against the fusillade of divisive nonsense that passes for political discourse these days, provided with full corporate sponsorship by a small cabal of rich people via the "mainstream" news media they own from top to bottom. Americans must declare war on America, on the America this fortunate few would create with zeroes to the left of the decimal on their secret donation checks, on the America these reavers and traitors seek to make in their own corrupted, bloated image.
[Ranted a member of a small cabal of rich trust fund kids.]
I have made this point time and time and time again, but it bears repeating once more: the single greatest strength the far right and their paymasters enjoy is their utter and complete lack of shame. They will say anything - literally anything - to gain an advantage in any debate, and be damned to whoever takes a screwing in the process.
[Will they also say "Karl Rove will be indicted in 24 business hours?"]
As if all this were not enough already, that small cabal who helped deliver us to this diseased and deranged estate has the perfect answer to all the problems before us: a plastic-fantastic fraud of a multi-millionaire, named after a kitchen utensil, who was against everything he stands for before he was for it before he was against it, who made his money killing American jobs, whose wife tries to connect with the common people by wearing $900 t-shirts on national television, and whose family claimed a $70,000 tax deduction for owning a doped-up horse.
[So even if his wife were homeless, like Bobo the Hobo, you would still threaten to slam her.]
America must declare war on America. You, me, and everyone we know with brain one in our heads and the best interests of the country at heart need to charge the ramparts, stand our post, and refuse to take even one step back.
[Pitt charged the ramparts when the OWS Boston was around by lying on his comfy couch and watching it on TV.]
The Supreme Court is rewriting the Constitution on the back of a corporate pay stub, Congress has made itself more useless than nipples on an ice cream cone, the President of the United States has decided he can kill where and who he wishes with a video game, and Colorado is on fire even as the "mainstream" news media gives respectful ear to a Republican presidential candidate who argues that firing firefighters is a bully idea and the answer to all that ails us.
[Not satisfied that The Bamster did a Colorado fire flyover on his way to a Hollywood fundraiser?]
To a great many people's surprise, a majority of the Supreme Court - led by Chief Justice Roberts, of all people - ruled in favor of the Affordable Care Act on Thursday morning. For many Americans, this was a big victory and a tremendous relief, but in truth, the law does not nearly go far enough. Senator Bernie Sanders said it best: "In my view, while the Affordable Care Act is an important step in the right direction and I am glad that the Supreme Court upheld it, we ultimately need to do better. If we are serious about providing high-quality, affordable healthcare as a right, not a privilege, the real solution to America's health care crisis is a Medicare-for-all, single-payer system. Until then, we will remain the only major nation that does not provide health care for every man, woman and child as a right of citizenship."
[So can we mark you down as in favor of repealing ObamaCare?]
This issue is one of a multitude facing this nation today, and there is only one way to get it done.
America must declare war on America.
[The magic words to loosen up those trust fund coins from Pitt.]
Stand your post.
[Lie your couch. And now to the rest of the DUmmies...]
We don't need a war on America - we need a revolution.
[Bolshevik Revolution of course. And don't forget to expropriate the trust funds of a certain Bukowski's denizen.]
Did you ask your Irish friend if he might be interested in writing about politics?
[Perhaps he could provide us a scoop on the impending Karl Rove indictment.]
The implementation of national health care was badly timed. It was brought on line as a matter of political expediency rather than one of immediate need. It is going to cost the taxpayers billions before the smoke clears.
[Thank you for your input you LOUSY FREEPER TROLL!!!]