More panic: "Obama Team had better get on Ellen, Letterman, Leno and FAST"
So let us now enter the DUmmieland Panic Room, where they're trying to figure out how to sell a sow's ear as a silk purse, in Bolshevik Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, doing DUbble-DUFU DUty on this day dedicated to freedom from oppressive, over-taxing government, is in the [brackets]:
Obama Team had better get on Ellen, Letterman, Leno and FAST
[Get on Ellen lickety-split!]
[EVERY thread in DUmmieland should come with a Rant Alert. But thanks for warning us, DUmmie Laura PourMeADrink.]
Hate to sound like my pants are on fire, but they are on fire.
[Stop, drop, and rant!]
the propaganda machine on the right. . . . They are scaring people, just average folks, who are now
(1) will lose their insurance
(2) their premiums will skyrocket
(3) that they will lose their doctor
(4) that their taxes will go up.
[Just because one or more of those things will almost certainly happen to most people . . . well, just don't THINK about it, people! If you don't think about it, it isn't real! Block it out of your mind and you'll feel a whole lot better! . . . Refocus, re-center. . . . Cleansing breath. . . . Ommm. . . . See? It's not so scary!]
I saw Sanjay Gupta interviewing people. . . .
[Glad to hear he got a job after American Idol.]
who were asking "Will I still have my insurance?"
[Of course you will! Sure, the premiums will be twice as high. And when your employer goes out of business--OK, well maybe THEN you won't have insurance. But the tax won't be THAT high. And if you get REALLY poor, there's always Medicaid. So look, it's all good!]
Seniors rating of Obama drop 3 points since the Thursday.
[Isn't a bounce supposed to go UP?]
the Obama Team needs to get a plan on how to stop this. Think outside the box.
They need to come up with 5 simple, important points and get every single surogate to repeat over and over.
[1. Barack is a nice guy. He has daughters. He has a dog.
2. You can have dinner with him. Enter the contest. We'll cover the airfare.
3. Rethuglicans are rich and mean-spirited and want to throw Granny over a cliff.
4. Michelle. Isn't she lovely?
5. FREE BIRTH-CONTROL! FREE HEALTHCARE! FREE STUDENT LOANS! FREE MORTGAGES! FREE! IT'S ALL FREE! WHEEEEEE!!!!]
They need to get on every single talk show. . . . Spend some big bucks on ads. Advertise a website, a toll free info line...Something. Obama should do a night time address. . . . before it's too late.
[Or launch some programming of their own: "America's Next Top Tax Rate." "What Not to Earn." "DNC-ing With The Stars." "How I Death-Paneled Your Mother."]
Phew. Thanks for reading my rant.
[Phew. You're welcome, DUmmie Laura PourMeADrink. But wait, you're not done . . .]
And IMHO, they've got to get on the 8th grade level. . . .
[No, sorry, Laura, that would be over the head of most Democrat voters.]
If you have insurance, nothing will change. . . .
["Nothing has changed in Austria." Thank you, Herr Zeller. . . . OK, Laura, NOW we go to your fellow DUmmies . . .]
They need to kick it into high gear now!
And they need to kick some MSM ass. . . .
[And the old people need to kick the bucket.]
Obama could get on any talk show he wants, Michelle too.
[Michelle could do push-ups on Ellen. No, wait, let me rephrase that. . . .]
what about PSAs?
[I don't think she could catch one that way.]
A PSA would be brilliant, but can they play them this close to an election? I don't know if the election rules would allow it.
[Rules, shmules! Go for it!]
Do it. Do it. Do it!
[DU it. DU it. DU it!]
Ellen's on summer break.
[Shows how well her show is doing, no one noticed.]
I didn't know she was still on TV.
[It's Must-Not-See TV.]
[DUmmie shows photo of Alan Alda.]
It's the half of America that usually stays home we need to convince. . . . They don't know SQUAT about ANYTHING but they know Alan Alda and know he played a doctor on a show they liked so they won't flip the channel right away. And YES. If possible, put him in character as Hawkeye Pierce home from war in private practice in Crabapple Cove, Maine and have other surviving members from MASH appear too. Wouldn't it be great to hear him call in his wife and it turns out to be Hotlips?
[Or better yet, B.J.]
Most of the people who remember MASH are almost eligible for Medicare.
I haven't watched TV in a decade so I don't know what's considered to be a current doctor show. And no,...Dr. Who is from England and he's not really a doctor.
[Here's a clue: Those actors who play doctors on TV? They're not really doctors, either.]
I don't watch TV hospital dramas either. There's one that takes place in Seattle--is it Gray's Anatomy?-- that is popular, with Sandra Oh...and there's Showtime's Nurse Jackie (but that is a dramady, and not suitable for this effort). . . .
["Nurse Jackie"--I haven't seen the show, but isn't she the one who is repeatedly violating the nursing code of ethics? Sounds perfect for Obamacare! You know, dealing with those expensive patients who are driving up the costs. . . .]
Tom Hanks would do it. So would Kevin Spacey.
[Have Will Pitt work on Spacey. He met him at a bar once, you know.]
How about Al Franken?
[Of course! The man who made Air America what it is today!]
If Sebelius were to do an education program, beginning it now, could help. Along with VPOTUS kicking butt as he does so well.
[Yes! Crazy Joe could plug it! "This is a big f***ing deal!" Great idea! Turn him loose! PUH-LEEZE!]
Nancy Pelosi and Howard Dean kicked ass on Press The Meat this morning.
[Howard the Doc! Him too! YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHH!!!!]
The best person to help Obama explain things is Rachel Maddow.
[Yes! Put her on Ellen. No, wait. . . .]
As much as I love Cenk. . . .
[So YOU'RE the one!]
As far as Current, I would say Spitzer.
[Client #9! Wow, these are all GREAT suggestions! Hey, what's Weiner doing? John Edwards? Dream Team, baby!]