DUmmies Rage Against Dead Cat "Hate Crime"
QUICK! What is the name of your Congressman? If you are reader of the DUmmie FUnnies, it probably means you are more politically aware than the average person so most of you know the answer to that question. However, let me make it even tougher for you...What is the name of one of your incumbent's announced opponents? Not so easy but I figure a fraction of you out there also know the answer to that so allow me up ramp up the difficulty of this quiz.... What is the name of the campaign manager of the opponent of your congressman? I bet I winnowed out maybe 99% of you but I am still not satisfied. I am going to make it still harder for you with this question: What is the home address of the campaign manager of the announced opponent of your congressman? If there are any of you left in the double digits I would be surprised. In fact, at this point I bet NONE of you know the answer to that question. However, I am still not satisfied. To make it harder yet I am going to hit you with my final question: Can you identify the pet living at the home address of the campaign manager of your Congressman's opponent? If any of you are still left standing, I would be incredibly surprised.
And yet we are expected to believe that a possible "hate crime" occurred because the pet cat of the campaign manager of candidate Ken Aden in Arkansas who is planning to run against the EVIL Republican incumbent Congressman was killed with the word "LIBERAL" neatly etched into its side. Of course, Aden didn't waste much time issuing an OFFICIAL Press Release denouncing this act. Yes, this could well be a "Hate Crime" every bit as valid as that suffered by poor Professor Kerri DUnn(ce) of Claremont McKenna College several years ago. Fortunately the perpetrator of that heinous "Hate Crime" was caught as you can see in this NEWS STORY.
As can be expected, the DUmmies are in a state of extreme OUTRAGE over this "Hate Crime." They currently have a total of SEVEN threads convicting the EVIL Republicans of this foul deed. The longest of these is this THREAD, "Democratic Congressional Campaign Manager's Family Pet (Cat) Killed, Painted With 'Liberal'." So let us now watch the DUmmies express outrage at a "Hate Crime" every bit as verifiable as Karl Rove's May 12, 2006 arrest in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, calling upon former psychology professor Kerri DUnn to become the lead investigator in this case, is in the [barackets]:
Democratic Congressional Campaign Manager's Family Pet (Cat) Killed, Painted With "Liberal"
RUSSELLVILLE—On the heels of a weekend of positive news coverage for the campaign of Democratic Congressional candidate Ken Aden, Aden’s campaign manager returned home to find his family pet slaughtered, with the word “liberal” painted on the animal’s corpse.
[Make that NEATLY painted. No spray paint can could make those letters so neatly. Either a Sharpie or airbrush did the lettering. The perp must have had time on his hands and wanted to make sure that "LIBERAL" could easily be seen by all. Get it? WINK! WINK!]
The Russellville Police Department is investigating, and a report will be made to the Federal Bureau of Investigation Monday morning.
[Just a hint here but when a guy's wife is murdered, the husband is the first one investigated. Wonder if the same should apply to murdered pets?]
Jacob Burris, who has served as Aden’s campaign manager since late October, arrived home with his family Sunday evening, and his four children discovered the gruesome scene as they exited the family vehicle to enter their home.
[And of course, the ID of Burris as Aden's campaign manager was widely known to many in that district to the point that his cat and its whereabouts were also well known.]
The family pet, an adult, mixed-breed Siamese cat, had one side of its head bashed in to the point the cat’s eyeball was barely hanging from its socket. The perpetrators scrawled “liberal” across the cat’s body and left it on the doorstep of Burris’ house.
["Perpetrators?" So obviously there was a gang of them. Oh, and was the name of the cat either "Kerri" or "DUnn?" And now to the DUmmies outraged over this "Hate Crime" to the point that this is only ONE of SEVEN threads devoted this this topic...]
republican morals at work.
[Go straight to jail. Do not stop at GO or anything resembling a trial.]
Exactly what you'd expect from the party of family values.
[Make Kerri DUnn the lead prosecutor in this open and shut case!]
The local police probably have a good idea who in their community is that crazy and violent.
[And armed with a very convenient Iwata airbrush.]
It's Russellville, Arkansas! I think half the town could be suspect.
[EVIL Rightwingers with BLOOD on their Fingers!!!]
WE and OCCUPY are next, if we dont win this thing for sanity.
[Will you kindly hold still while I neatly airbrush "LIBERAL" on your ample tush?]
I hope animal cruelty carries a heavy penalty in AR since this act seems like it was committed by someone familiar with the family and home.
[Yes, the perp must be VERY familiar with his family and home. Gee, I wonder who that could be?]
It should be classified as a hate crime.
[Absolutely! This is every bit as much a hate crime as all that hate graffiti painted all over the car of Kerri DUnn.]
It could possibly be classified as "terrorism". The intent seems to be to terrorize.
[Kerri DUnn is still quite shaken up by the terrorism she had to endure.]
Under the Patriot Act this is classified as terrorism. Seriously. Put the asshole in Gitmo.
[That would be a tough place to manage a congressional campaign from.]
Blatant violent threats. From a coward who bravely faced a house cat.
[Just curious but was that cat locked in the house? And if so, how did the perp enter the home without breaking the lock? If the cat was walking around outside, how did the perp even catch the cat? Ever try to chase down a cat outdoors? It's no easy task since the cat will be faster than you plus have the advantage of jumping over fences and quickly scurrying up trees. Perhaps this perp was the greatest physical athlete in Arkansas...or maybe the cat knew the perp. Hmmmmm....]
Poor little kittyfur having to endure the psychotic tantrum of Republicans.
[Was Tweety wearing his GOP badge while badgering Sylvester?]
Fire will be next, then attempted homicide. They need to watch for firebombs through the front window or a garage/garbage bin fire.
[How does that compare to tossing empty pizza cartons through the basement window?]
There’s no doubting this was political. There’s no doubting it’s another hideous example of right wing terrorism.
[Is that you, Kerri DUnn?]
Seriously, has any liberal ever done this kind of thing to a conservative? Or to another living thing?
[Conservatives are not healthy for liberals and other living things.]
It had to be someone who knew the guy & also knew he had a cat. It was not just a random act of some people who happened by and committed the act. I think the sicko lives close by as well.
[You're getting waaaaarmer you LOUSY FREEPER TROLL!!!]
Yes, someone who was familiar with the property and the cat
[Yes, someone VERY familiar with the property and the cat.]
Someone form outside who intended harm could not know for certain that the cat belonged to them- it was extremely deliberate and the only way
it could be so was if the perp KNEW the cat lived there.
[Or even...KNEW the cat so well that it did NOT run away. Hmmmm...]
I am sick. How could anyone do that.
[The words "political opportunism" come to mind.]
Does anyone remember the film "Cabaret?" A very similar thing happened in that film. The perps were Nazis.
[Oh Fatherland, Fatherland,
Show us the sign
Your children have waited to see.
The morning will come
When the cat is mine.
Tomorrow belongs to me!]
Conservatives kill helpless pets.
[And all this time I thought they only sucker punch helpless midgets.]
Get this story on MSNBC, CNN. I emailed Ed Shultz, at least I think I did with this story link attached to it. Media needs to expose these rat faced teapigs.
[The FUnniest part about this story will be when it BOOMERANGS on the DUmmies.]
I try to be a pacifist, but I believe in self-defense more. In a confrontation, I'd try to avoid any physical action with these neanderthals but if push literally came to shove I'd have no problem using the karate techniques I've been practicing for a few years now on them.
[This DUmmie has been studying karate by watching Billy Jack movies and will be surprised when he gets his ass kicked by a small chick.]
May some karmatic justice be swiftly served to the depraved fucks who did this
[Oh it will. It will. And watch out for that karmatic boomerang.]
I can't get the mental image from this story out of my mind and the level of anger isn't waning. God, I hope they find this vile son of a bitch.
[Spaketh the future boomerang casualty.]
Let's hope the drooling subhuman cat-murderer is hunted down and killed.
[But then Aden will have to put an ad in Craig's List looking for a new campaign manager.]
Jesus. I'm going to go have a good cry now.
That poor creature! Republican propaganda has generated an atrocity. I think this will shake up the news for the next few days.
[Yeah, I can just see the campaign manager thinking, "Hey, I didn't know an in depth investigation was going to be part of the deal!"]
This story is not allowed on the FreeRepublic website.
[Sorry but it IS allowed. However, this story will NOT be allowed in DUmmieland after it boomerangs.]
Anyone brave enough to venture over to Freerepublic and see what those sick troglodytes are saying?
[They are waiting to see what Lt. Columbo pausing and turning at the doorway of the campaign manager is saying: "Just one more question."]