Friday, August 26, 2011

Hurricane Nadin hits DUmmieland!



Yesterday it was earthquakes, today it's hurricanes. Is there ANYTHING Know-it-all Nadin is not an expert on? You would THINK a woman sitting in her fallout shelter in San Diego would not know much about hurricanes in the Atlantic. But that is where you would be wrong. For nadinbrzezinski, the World's Foremost Authority, has timely, possibly life-saving, advice for all those East Coasters who would not know how to handle a hurricane otherwise.

Nadin is kinda like Superman, you know. Be it a tsunami in Japan, contaminated cow's milk in California, an earthquake in Virginia, or a hurricane in Norht Carolina, nadinbrzezinski is THERE, in an instant (via them interwebs), ready and willing and able to rescue us with her expert knowledge on everything. And so we sing, once again:

OUR KNOW-IT-ALL, WHERE ARE YOU?
Tune: "Car 54, Where Are You?"

There's an earthquake in the east
It could spread from coast to coast
There's a hurricane in harbor
Pretty soon we'll all be toast
Fukushima has a leak
It'll be here in a week--
Our Know-it-all, where are you?

Yes, Nadin stands on guard for THEE, O DUmmieland! But is the unrelenting, condescending downpour of advice--as though no one would know these things without Nadin telling them--is it getting to be a bit much, even for the DUmmies? Could there be a blowback? Let's find out, in this THREAD, "PSA for the East Coast."

So let us now watch Hurricane Nadin hit DUmmieland, in Thread Level Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson--betting that Li'l Beaver, living as he does at the DUFU Mansion in South Florida, knows more about hurricanes in his little beaver-finger than Know-it-all Nadin does in her whole body--is in the [brackets]:

PSA for the East Coast

[Patronizing Superfluous Advice for the East Coast]

Irene looks bad, if you need to get out, get out.

[Nadin looks like she's posting again. If you need to get out, get out.]

But chiefly turn in to your LOCAL nooz sources.

["Nadin Knows" is all the nooz we need!]

Oh and since it looks like it will affect areas rarely affected...NYC comes to mind...if you have not done so...stock up.

[Great. Now you'll start a run on bottled water and triage milk.]

[Now let's see if Nadin's post was helpful advice for the DUmmies . . .]

Water is the #1 priority to stock up on. Very, very important.

[I've heard that water is the Elixir of Life. That we can't survive very long without it. Not many people know this.]

Water, food, radio. In that order.

[I always get that mixed up. Tried to listen to the water once, and all I heard was a rushing sound. Thanks, Nadin.]

Also probably a good time to avoid elevators for awhile if possible.

[Especially if, like most DUmmies, your elevator does not reach to the top floor.]

Get your booze and smokes now ... you'll thank yourself later.

[Will Pitt has a plan.]

Well, just in case, I'm heading for the Jiffy Mart for emergency supplies of Cheetos™ and Slim Jims™.

[DUmmies meegbear and MineralMan, I DON'T think you're taking this stuff seriously! Come on! Nadin is giving you prime advice here, and . . . and I think you're mocking her!]

And charcoal, so you can grill up all the defrosting burgers and shrimp and whatnot in the freezer after the power goes out...

Liquor store first for beer/booze/ice. . . .

[You GUYS!]

What are the odds that any East Coaster who is on DU isn't already following the local news on this storm?

[Don't ask such a question, MineralMan! Nadin has a need to TELL you what you already know!]

Some people just can't do anything until they are prompted by the self anointed. I might be wrong.

[Fortunately for you, DUmmie pintobean, Nadin is NEVER wrong.]

Have a good day...

[Nadin is warming up her iggy-list finger! Careful, MineralMan, pintobean, and the rest of you jokers.]

Can't speak for the whole east coast, but we here in the New York City area rarely glance at the news. It's not like we're a big media center or anything.

[Now cut that out!]

Who are the ninja unrecers for this thread. . . .

How does it outshine the other 20 threads on the subject? It's nothing more than redundant.

[Think of Nadin as the backup generator of useful knowledge.]

It really matters little if I posted about the color of the sky or cute kittens, they will unrec, that's what they do.

[Nadin's next two threads:

THE SKY IS BLUE (EXCEPT DURING HURRICANES AND AT NIGHT), and

KITTENS ARE CUTE]

It's the content, or lack of content. I've told you that before. I rec your threads when they deserve it. It's easier for you to demonize and attack, rather than admit that you mostly post non-great stuff.

[That's it, pintobean! To the iggy list with you! LALALA, I CAN'T HEEEEEAR YOU!!]

Non-great is putting it kindly.

[It's a non-mean non-great.]

I often rec yours nadin but lack of content here doesn't deserve greatest status. It happens.

[The Wreck of the Rec.]

"beware, watch the news" isn't one for greatest page.

[But think of all the people in the hurricane's path who WOULDN'T know this if Nadin hadn't posted it! Rec it for THEM!]

The surge is going to be epic. From what we know...indeed

[OK, thanks for that news, Nadin! Epic surge! Now I will batten down my hatches FOR SURE!]

I'm hoping like hell that my extremely pregnant sister and her family are getting out of dodge.

[I'm hoping like hell that bobbolink is getting out of her buick. . . . OK, so she lives in Denver, but this WILL be an epic surge, after all.]

Riding this while pregnant is not a good idea.

[Reading this while sober is not a good idea, either.]

Make sure to fill your tank now.

[Pitt's already working on that.]

I'm all ready for Irene!

[Rachel Maddow checks in.]

I just bought one of those Everready charger batteries. . . .

[OK, that's enough detail, Rachel.]

I'm anal retentive about these things.

[Stop!]

Thank goodness, at last someone to warn us of impending danger.

[Come on, people! This is a Nadin thread! What'd you expect?]

Deleted sub-thread. Sub-thread removed by moderator.

[This was the part where Nadin shared advice from a retired submarine commander she met once at a grocery store, a Captain Nemo, who told her how to desalinize sea water in case of an emergency.]

Gas stations may run out of gas. . . .

[But Nadin won't!]

I really don't understand why you need to post this... Don't you think DUers are smart enough to be following the news, Weather Channel etc? I lived in the Florida Keys for 23 years and never needed someone on DU to tell me what to do.

["Why"? You ask "WHY"?? BECAUSE SHE'S KNOW-IT-FREAKIN'-ALL NADIN, THAT'S WHY!!]

Where do you live, btw?

[Nadin lives in San Diego, California, Land of the Hurricane.]

whatever... have a good fracking day... at this point I am really annoyed with you people.

[Nadin sez, "FRACK YOU!"]

the nebulous "get out if you need to get out" just seemed kinda silly to me. Patronizing.

[OK, we haven't given out a Kewpie Doll in a while, so we'll give one to you, DUmmie cwydro. Congratulations!]

Had a feeling there was no hurricane experience there.

[Now whatever gave you that idea?]

Tell me how many disasters have you worked as a disaster manager?

[Nadin is the MASTER of Disaster! Including this thread!]

Amazing. . . . YUP the stupid statement of the day.

[Hurricane Nadin is bearing down on DUmmie cwydro!]

This gets the top price for the most idiotic post of the day....

[Price, prize, whatever. It gets something.]

okie dockie, reminds me of a few bullies in school.

alert on them also. It is that simple. Alert and ignore.

Alert and alert and alert and alert and alert and alert and alert. Alert and alert and alert and alert and alert and alert and alert Alert and alert and alert and alert and alert and alert and alert Alert and alert and alert and alert and alert and alert and alert Alert and alert and alert and alert and alert and alert and alert Alert and alert and alert and alert and alert and alert and alert Alert and alert and alert and alert and alert and alert and alert Alert and alert and alert and alert and alert and alert and alert Alert and alert and alert and alert and alert and alert and alert Alert and alert and alert and alert and alert and alert and alert Alert and alert and alert and alert and alert and alert and alert Alert and alert and alert and alert and alert and alert and alert Alert and alert and alert and alert and alert and alert and alert Alert and alert and alert and alert and alert and alert and alert Alert and alert and alert and alert and alert and alert and alert Alert and alert and alert and alert and alert and alert and alert ... ad infinitum.

[Nadin is on High Alert.]

You too can be an instant expert on any subject.

[Yes, enroll now at the Nadin Brzezinski Institute of Know-it-all-ness and Expertise! Astound your friends! Amaze your co-workers! Post informative threads in DUmmieland and be featured in the DUmmie FUnnies! It's all here for you at NBIKE! Call now! Operators are standing by.]

This place is becoming increasingly one that is not welcoming, or nice. And that is because of bullies.

[Boo on the haters! But, but, don't LEAVE us, Nadin! Think of the children!]

I am sure you would be pleased if I left. At this point that is the feeling I am getting. Wel. I am not going anywhere.

[Hurray! Hurray! We're safe!]

6 Comments:

Anonymous Corona said...

I once saw a fantastic neoclassical painting at the Rijks museum in Amsterdam many decades ago. Lots of angels and figures in the clouds. I think I saw Nadin in it. Her finger was pointed and her mouth was open.

1:20 PM  
Blogger Skul said...

Nads, the most condesending, arrogant DUmpmonkey out there.
Poor troggyboy can't hold a candle to her brilliance.
Come on, troggyboy, don't let a meer girl rob you of you chosen place at the top of Mt. Stupidity.

7:50 PM  
Anonymous Jerome Goolsby said...

Skul said...

Nads, the most condesending, arrogant DUmpmonkey out there.
Poor troggyboy can't hold a candle to her brilliance.
Come on, troggyboy, don't let a meer girl rob you of you chosen place at the top of Mt. Stupidity.


Well said and spot on, Skul...

11:17 AM  
Blogger Beefeater said...

If there is any DUmp monkey wasting time hanging out on the DU during a hurricane warning they earn what they get.

What is it with that place and weather events? Just lurking below the surface seems to be the hope that something will happen to validate their worship of AlGore and his GlobalWarmingScam™

12:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"I really don't understand why you need to post this... Don't you think DUers are smart enough to be following the news, Weather Channel etc?"
You voted for Obama, didn't you? Proof positive that DUers aren't smart enough to pour piss out of a boot even if the instructions are written on the heel.

2:37 PM  
Anonymous KayInMaine said...

BARACK IS GOING TO REPLACE BIDEN *SPIT* WITH THE GREAT CIVIL RIGHTS WARRIOR THE MOST REVEREND AL SHARPTON CLINCHING A MASSIVE LANDSLIDE AND ENSURING THE NEXT 12 YEARS OF NON-RASCIST NON-FACIST PROGRESSIVE RULE!

10:57 AM  

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