Friday, January 14, 2011

It's a Zodiac moment: "What's your sign?"



"This is the dawning of the Age of . . . Ophiuchus??" There's been a change in the cosmos, and count on DUmmieland to be on top of it! We get the news from outer space here in this THREAD, "What's your sign?"

So let us boldly go where no sane person has gone before (save for LOUSY FREEPER TROLLS!!!) and gaze at the DUmmies gazing up at the heavens, in I Am Sirius Red, while the commentary of your Hubble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, whose only sign is the sign of the cross, is in the [brackets]:

What's your sign?

["I'M WITH STUPID." Guess which way the arrow is pointing.]

Did anyone know that the astrological signs have changed?

[Does anybody really care?]

Did anyone know a new sign was added?

[If that's a good thing, thank Obama. If that's a bad thing, blame Bush Palin.]

Capricorn: Jan. 20-Feb. 16
Aquarius: Feb. 16-March 11
Pisces: March 11-April 18
Aries: April 18-May 13
Taurus: May 13-June 21
Gemini: June 21-July 20
Cancer: July 20-Aug. 10
Leo: Aug. 10-Sept. 6
Virgo: Sept. 16-Oct. 30
Libra: Oct. 30-Nov. 23
Scorpio: Nov. 23-29
Ophiuchus: Nov. 29-Dec. 17
Sagittarius: Dec. 17-Jan. 20


[Ophiuchus??]

the stars have shifted in the night sky so much that horoscope signs are nearly a month off.

[Palin's fault. Her kid was dancing with the stars.]

The shift is caused by precession, the wobble in the Earth's axis. . . .

[Aw jeez, not this shift again!]

The Earth is like a wobbly top.

[And the DUmmies are the Wobblies.]

[And now the DUmmies reply . . .]

Is that an Ophiuchus in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?

[As you can see in the graphic, Ophiuchus is some guy holding a snake. It looks like he's taken it out of his pocket.]



It used to be Scorpio. . . .

[Just like poor DUmmie Mr. Scorpio. Now we'll have to call him Mr. Ophiuchus.]

how do I break it to my Mom that she's now an "O'PhooeyCuss??"

[Tell her it's a Zodiac moment.]

What happened to the missing ten days in September?

[If you were born September 7-15, you're SOL--which is not a reference to the Sun, by the way.]

Oh no, I'm not alive.

[Tombstoned Undersky.]

People love to talk about themselves; if all else fails, a discussion of star signs will prompt social intercourse. . . .

[At least.]

'I'm a Virgo. . . .'

[Not for long, once social intercourse has been prompted.]

Heres my sign . . .



[I believe you!]

I am a VIRGO now. damn what to do?

[This is a tipping point, DUmmie nadinbrzezinksi. Go get tipped.]

I was a Virgo now I'm a Leo. gosh will my personality have to undergo a change. . . .

[Don't worry, you'll still be the same obnoxious you.]

I'm a fish still swimming with the tide. . . .

[Carpal Tidal Syndrome.]

Gravity from the moon pulled the earth off it's normal axis, somewhat, and threw the zodiac(constellation) off by a month.

[The moonbats are deeply disturbed.]

I read this years ago, that it would happen as we approach 2012.

[The Democrats' horoscope for November 6, 2012: Aries the Ram will converge with Uranus.]

I was always a Taurus on the cusp with Aries so moving me firmly into Aries wouldn't be that big a deal.

[Bill Clinton would like to move firmly into Virgo, but that WOULD be a big deal now at his age.]

If you considered yourself a Cancer under the tropical zodiac last week, you're still a Cancer. . . .

[Even though Pitt has quit smoking, he's still a Cancer.]

I am so NOT a Taurus.

[I don't know about that. I'd say you're FULL of Bull.]

So, now I'm a Capricorn after I've been an Aquarius for 39 years?

[This is the ending of the age of Aquarius.]

It's after noon somewhere in the world! That's the only sign I need!

[Let the drinking begin!]

I was born under the Stop sign!

[Now you're under this one . . .]



List of key words describing the sign of Ophiuchus . . . serpent holder . . . tax assessor, or levys taxes. . . .

[Yep, sounds like a Democrat!]

Pass with care

[That would NOT be a Democrat!]

27 Comments:

Anonymous troglaman said...

Let's not forget that the arbitrary assignment of stars to align with vague symbols (inkblots) in the sky is a human invention. So goes it with the "new" astrology. Remind you of anything? Probably not.

12:17 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

There is no hope for the DUmmies, but if anyone is interested, in western astrology they use the tropical zodiac from somewhere around the second century. Astrology as we know it today has never been oriented to the constellations, it's based on seasons. It's common sense, the constellations are all different sizes in the sky, so you can't very well divide them up into 12 equal parts.

Not that I'm a follower of astrology or anything, I just find it fascinating (and scary) that a newspaper released such an easily debunked piece of info and people swallowed it without question. Of course I suspect that's how we managed to elect the current President, so I shouldn't be surprised.

12:23 AM  
Anonymous Corona said...

It cracks me up that many of them believe they now have to change their personality accordingly. As if they aren't totally screwed up enough already.

10:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The stars have shifted in the sky and the sun revolves around the Earth now. Idiots. This sounds like something Jared Loughner might get upset about. R'Tards.

4:57 PM  
Anonymous krazy kat said...

"Remind you of anything?"

The "reality based" people, right.

I'm reminded that these credulous Sparkle Ponies are one step away from being Cargo Cultists. It's no wonder they vote Democrat.

They're going to go completely bonkers as December 2012 nears and the doom foretold by the ancient Mayan/Hopi/New Age Elders unfolds.

5:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Did anyone know that the astrological signs have changed?"-DUmmie

"[Does anybody really care?]"-PJ

ABOUT SIGNS! (cue sax chorus)

6:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I see trogladyte threw in a mindless comment....

11:49 PM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"Remind you of anything?" mighty trog

The "reality based" people, right." Kat

Um, no. Describe to me the differences between astrology believers and God believers. That was the "remind you of anything?" reference.

Why do I feel like I'm talking to a 5 year old?

12:44 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You know, as long as they're all fixated on some meaningless nothing, all the better. It's like the toy you give to a kid so you don't have to entertain them while you're trying to get work done. I think we should change the astrology chart every couple of days. We could fix this country in no time.

Johnny 5 is alive

12:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Why do I feel like I'm talking to a 5 year old?"-troglaman

Because you want them to be on the same intellectual level as yourself. Don't feel bad that you didn't see it until now.

2:16 AM  
Blogger Lazarus Long said...

"Remind you of anything? Probably not"

Well, yeah, it does.

That you're a retarded marmoset.

2:23 PM  
Blogger Lazarus Long said...

" That was the "remind you of anything?" reference."

Like I said, that you're a retarded marmoset.

2:24 PM  
Blogger Lazarus Long said...

"Why do I feel like I'm talking to a 5 year old?"

You're looking in a mirror?

2:25 PM  
Anonymous Elrond Hubbard said...

"That was the 'remind you of anything?' reference."

No foolin' Captain Obvious. But you can compare any belief system to astrology, be it religion, politics, Marxism, global warming, Cargo Cultism or DUmmie-ism. The DUmmies' problem is they pride themselves on being skeptics and rationalists but they're always talking about their zodiac signs, the predictions of the Hopi/New Age Elders or finding salvation in a voting booth.

4:15 PM  
Blogger Lazarus Long said...

Truthfully, whenever I get the "What sign were you born under" question, I answer, "Pennsylvania Turnpike - 3 Miles. Literally, I was born in the back of a a car."

11:17 AM  
Anonymous James McEnanly said...

This is news? When I took an Astronomy class 20 years ago, there were 9 planets in our Solar System, no known planets outside it, and the signs of the Zodiac had precessed about 15 degrees since the ancients determined them. Now there are 8 planets in our Solar system, with a increasing number of dwarf planets, 500 extra solar planets, and counting, and the only thing that has apparently remained the same is that the signs of the Zodiac are about 155 degrees off from where the astrologers put them.

9:49 PM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"It cracks me up that many of them believe they now have to change their personality accordingly. As if they aren't totally screwed up enough already." corona

So you're saying the libs own the franchise on astrology? Are you really?

Let's start here:

"A new poll by the Pew Research Center's Forum on Religion & Public Life finds that large numbers of Americans engage in multiple religious practices, mixing elements of diverse traditions...such as reincarnation, ASTROLOGY and the presence of spiritual energy in physical objects."

Tell me you haven't known some redneck...(ahem) PROUDLY redneck lady that hasn't expressed these very sentiments while slowly driving you insane. This isn't a political thing, it's a guy/girl thing. And anyone of you big strong men out there that believe in reincarnation, ASTROLOGY and the presence of spiritual energy in physical objects, and THE All AND MIGHTY GOD...have been taken over by you're inner-homo. Sorry, but it's true.

"Though the U.S. is an overwhelmingly Christian country, significant minorities profess belief in a variety of Eastern or New Age beliefs...25% of the public overall (and) 23% of Christians believe in ASTROLOGY."

1 in 4 of every Christian in the country, corona. That includes you.

So what was it you were saying about the loonie libs changing their personalities and shit?

Such a long post...I should've called bullshit and left it at that. I bored myself.

(shut-up, jj).

1:39 AM  
Blogger Lazarus Long said...

""A new poll by the Pew Research Center's Forum on Religion & Public Life finds that large numbers of Americans engage in multiple religious practices, mixing elements of diverse traditions...such as reincarnation, ASTROLOGY and the presence of spiritual energy in physical objects.""

Only the stoooopid ones. Like you,as a matter of fact.

"significant minorities profess belief in a variety of Eastern or New Age beliefs..."

Only the stoooooopid ones. Like you.

"So what was it you were saying about the loonie libs changing their personalities and shit?"

Morons like you believe shit like that. So, yeah you have to change your personality. Maybe you could turn into a stooooopid, vitriolic, ignorant, inbred, mouth-breathing, short bus riding, window licking, illterate incontinent toad.

Oh.

Wait.

Nevermind.

12:16 PM  
Anonymous Clone of Troglaman said...

I are Troglaman. Me am brilliant.

Me post here becaue me am brilliant. Me post here because compared to I you am stupid.

Me am world class bullshit artist which you cannot understand because you am stupid and me am brilliant.

I are Troglaman. Me am brilliant.

I are Troglaman. Me am brilliant.

2:57 PM  
Anonymous krazy kat said...

Come on toggy, you're an admitted beer drinking, dope smokin' 60s retro hippie. Don't tell me you never had rock crystals in your pad or burned incense while searching for your inner homo. I think you're a sucker for New Age mumbo-jumbo and a fan of the Hopi Elders.

So 25% of Christians believe in astrology, New Ageism or astral projection. So What? I bet that 25%is overwhelmingly concentrated on the East and West Coasts. Know what I mean?

4:20 PM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"I bet that 25%is overwhelmingly concentrated on the East and West Coasts. Know what I mean?" kat

I do know what you mean. It's a good question. But I tend to think people read their horoscopes in the heartland as well as on the coasts. I'm not sure there's a way to answer this but I'd take your bet. I troglaman (me am brilliant) think the liberal-Christians and the conservative-Christians would be pretty evenly split on horoscopes. It's a wash. Really, who doesn't know their sign? I'm a Cancer by the way...me got big pincers.

1:52 AM  
Anonymous Elrond Hubbard said...

"I'm a Cancer by the way...me got big pincers."

So am I, thus proving forever the utter folly of astrology, horoscopes and fortune telling mumbo-jumbo.

2:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"I'm a Cancer by the way" - trogladyte

You got that right dumbass.

3:48 PM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"I'm a Cancer by the way" - trogladyte" You got that right dumbass." troglanon

I KNEW someone was gonna write that. I swear to God. While I was revealing my sign I thought "One of these mean motherfuckers is going to say I'm a gigantic, malignant tumor."

Another Kreskin moment. I love you fuckers.

12:03 AM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"mumbo-jumbo". elrond

I'll trade you 'jumpin Jehoshaphat' for 'mumbo jumbo'. We got a deal?

12:08 AM  
Blogger Lazarus Long said...

"I thought "One of these mean motherfuckers is going to say I'm a gigantic, malignant tumor.""

Wow, a flash of clarity from the retarded marmoset.

I'm impressed.

11:04 AM  
Anonymous Adam said...

"I KNEW someone was gonna write that. I swear to God. While I was revealing my sign I thought "One of these mean motherfuckers is going to say I'm a gigantic, malignant tumor.""

What a coincidence!
I've largely been able to guess your replies on this thread, too! When first looking at this thread without even getting to our comments, I thought, "Troggy, being the anti- Christian bigot that he is, is going to use this to claim that all Christians are dumb rednecks whose beliefs are as hard to accept as astrology if not more so, and throw in a few obscenities for no good reason as well."
btw, the Bible rather strongly condemns the use of astrology and similar methods of divination.

8:36 AM  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home