Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Obama tells Gates, cop: "Stay thirsty, my friends"


CERVEZA
BO
BEERACK OBOTTLE
STAY STUPID, my friends


His ego is expanding faster than the national debt. He once bowled a 37. Honest. He lives vicariously through his teleprompter. The police often question him, just so he can say they acted stupidly. His blood smells like arugula. Every time a pitcher throws a perfect game, he claims to know them. He's been known to cure insomnia, just by holding a press conference. People hang on his every word. They're so bored they hang themselves. He can speak Indonesian . . . in Kenyan.

He is the Most Irritating Man in the World.

"I don't always drink beer, but when I do, I make a photo op out of it."



"Stay stupid, my friends."

So Obama stuck his nose into a situation he knows nothing about. No, I'm not talking about the presidency. That's a given. No, I'm talking about Gatesgate. At his initial presser, Obama admitted, "I may be a little biased here. I don't know all the facts." But that didn't stop The Most Interfering Man in the World from giving his opinion, saying that the Cambridge police "acted stupidly."

Well, that didn't go over too well, so later Barack had to backtrack a bit: "I could have calibrated those words differently." And he invited Professor Gates and Officer Crowley over for a beer.

So how have the DUmmies reacted to all this? Lots of threads over in DUmmieland, for example, this
THREAD, and we'll sample a few others beside. So belly up to the bar, boys, lift a pint, and let's all sing "Kumbaya." The DUmmie comments are in Killian Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, is in the [Barackets]:

President Obama Inviting Gates and Crowley Over For A Beer? Brilliant!

[The only thing more brilliant would be to fly up to Boston, where those guys live, head over to Bukowski's, and ask the Pittster to moderate!]

the President swallowed his ego, and worked to resolve the problem.

[The Grand Canyon could not swallow Obama's ego.]

Well, the President better not get too 'uppity' while Crowley is there: we don't want to see an arrest in the White House.

[Profilings in Courage.]

As long as he checks his gun and his tazer at the door, why the Hell not?

[Obama could disarm him with his looks . . . or his hands. Either way.]

Obama IS brilliant!

[He is so brilliant, he'll even get those guys to buy HIM a beer! He is the Most Brilliant Man in the World.]

It is good, can't wait for the photo op.

[That's what it's all about.]

Our President knows how to appeal to the better angels in people.

[Our President knows how to appear at the better angles in a photo op.]

The Symbolism is thick.

[That's not the only thing.]

am I the only one who expects a few whiny parents to slam Obama for setting a bad example for children by offering a beer (as opposed to a Coke or whatever else) to Gates and Crowley. . . ?

[FREE UNIVERSAL BEER FOR ALL!]

Some parents, some religious types.

[Not the Lutherans. We like beer.]

they should start with Wild Turkey and move through the spirits from there.

[PJ will send over some Flor de CaƱa.]

Just get totally f*cking sloshed. That would be so awesome.

[I think we've found the DUmmies' sweet spot.]

I'd rather they smoked a doob.

[Barry might have flashbacks.]

our Fearless Beloved Leader has enough empathy to save the Nation.

[He has so much empathy he can export it to other planets.]

Dude - the Prez is from Chi-Town. . . . Who could turn down a beer from a Chicagoan?

[Dude, I, Charles Henrickson, am from Chicago! Born and raised there. Barry is from . . . well, nobody knows where he's from. . . . But, who could turn down a beer from an Indonesian?]

So - honestly, you would turn down Beer with Obama?

[Will Pitt would not turn down a free beer with Richard Speck.]

The great lesson: "When in doubt, have a drink!" Something I try to practice on a daily basis.

[Will Pitt wants a job with the administration as Undersecretary of Beer.]

Maybe Obama and Gates should waterboard Crowley with a couple of Sam Adams. . . .

[Wouldn't that be "beerboarding"?]

they should enjoy some 18 year old Elijah Craig Bourbon...and a nice bong hit.

[Most DUmmies would just go with the bong.]

"White House spokesman Robert Gibbs promised Budweiser, the all-American king of beers." I am aghast and shaken to the core.

[For once I agree with a DUmmie! Kewpie Doll on the way!]

25 Comments:

Anonymous Elrond Hubbard said...

'White House spokesman Ribert Gibbs promised Budweiser, the all-American king of beers.' I am aghast and shaken to the core.

O.K., a first, a smart DUmmie (at least when it comes to beer). Budweiser is the un-American king of beers. How about a six pack of Bell's Two Hearted Ale? Budweiser is for losers, like Cub or Viking fans. I don't doubt that Troglaman drinks Budwieser.

7:03 PM  
Anonymous Anon 1:50 said...

I got no gripe with Budweiser, it's a decent lager. Much of the slamming of it is just pretentious piling-on.

That said, Larry Bell's Kalamazoo Brewing Co. is near and dear to my heart, and, in particular, the Sparkling Ale which gets my vote for "finest brewed alcoholic beverage made".

But I doubt the present White House residents have that kind of class.

8:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nah, troggy-boy doesn't drink beer. He's more of a white wine, fern-bar sort of lad.

Skul

8:26 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wasn't Anheiser Busch bought out by a European brewing company? I thought Miller and Coors merged and became the only large American brewing co.

5:57 AM  
Anonymous DumbAss Tanker said...

"President Obama Inviting Gates and Crowley Over For A Beer? Brilliant!"

In the same way Napoleon's retreat from Moscow was brilliant. Napoleon got out alive.

7:23 AM  
Anonymous Corona said...

Obama prolly spent most of his time mulling who he should appoint as beer czar.

11:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

[Not the Lutherans. We like beer.]

Not the Catholics, either. In fact, it looks like Father O'Pedophile is drunk again and he's got his shillelagh. So I'd better get inside and eat my boiled cabbage and potatoes and drink my whiskey.

Also, Abita for the win.

12:29 PM  
Anonymous Stix said...

There is only one larger American Beer Company anymore, Miller is owned by a South African Group. I think Hams is the only company based in the US any more. Well, and Sam Adams.

But I digress. This is just a sham for a photo op.

12:58 PM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"His ego is expanding faster than the national debt. He once bowled a 37. Honest. He lives vicariously through his teleprompter. The police often question him, just so he can say they acted stupidly. His blood smells like arugula." PJinc

Well, he bowled a 37. Got that right. Everything else is pretty much bullshit. Love this: "The police often question him". Do they? Hadn't heard about that. Defend your statement, PJ.

I liked the "His blood smells like arugula" comment as well. Wasn't it bram stoker's anon that used the garlic, drive a stake through his heart, imagery? I think it was.

Obama's a fucking vampire.

Well there ya go, pickle-heads. Believe it or not. Never mind your steep decent into madness. You've got things figured out - vampires don't set good health-care policy.

How any of you can align yourselves with this shit is deserving of scientific scrutiny. I'm reluctantly concluding that you have been unintelligently designed. God has made it your fate to be, well...stupid. Couldn't be helped. God wants it that way.

12:24 AM  
Anonymous DumbAss Tanker said...

Well, Troggie, that would make us the simple victim of fates beyond our ken, however it makes you willfully stupid for arguing with us.

You do have an (Unintentionally) amusing way of painting yourself into corners in these sad attempts at derision, I must say.

8:36 AM  
Anonymous Elrond Hubbard said...

Obama's a fucking vampire.

Well, he does suck. But I hadn't considered the possibility of vampirism. Maybe you're on to something troggy. Keep up the good work.

2:11 PM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"Well, Troggie, that would make us the simple victim of fates beyond our ken, however it makes you willfully stupid for arguing with us." dumbass

Arguing against stupidity makes me willfully stupid? Hmmm. Like trying to convince a chicken 2+2=4? You may be right in a convoluted, upside-down sort of way (although I've heard tales of chickens kicking major ass in tic tac toe).

But if God wants it that way, then we're all fucked anyway...wait a minute. Are you suggesting that I, troglaman, might be unintelligently designed?

1:21 AM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"I hadn't considered the possibility of vampirism...keep up the good work." elrond

"His blood smells like arugula." PJinc

You're talking to the wrong guy, elrond.

1:32 AM  
Anonymous Elrond Hubbbard said...

You're talking to the wrong guy, elrond.

I never doubted that for a moment.

12:26 PM  
Anonymous mudman said...

Hee! Hee! Maybe finding out what arugula is would be a good starting point here.

3:07 PM  
Anonymous Glennbeck4evar said...

Wow. Usually I have to go to a funeral to find something this unfunny.

10:01 PM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"I don't doubt that Troglaman drinks Budwieser." oh really

Another Kreskin moment, elrond? Ha! All you dumbshits should know my clan goes for either Tsingtao or Kubanskaya. I'll tell you what, despite everything else, these fuckin commies know how to get drunk.

Witness another case of serendipity - we're smuggling the TV ZAPPERS disguised as shipments of both Tsingtao and goddamn Kubanskaya! Is that so fucking ironic or what?

We're mobilizing soon. So you might want to start saying goodbye to your foxy friends. Just sayin...

1:24 AM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"I never doubted that for a moment." elrond

Prove it.

1:33 AM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"Wow. Usually I have to go to a funeral to find something this unfunny." Glennbeck4evar

You're right. "GET OFF MY PHONE" was much, much funnier than this lame-ass thread.

You seem like an interesting guy, Glennbeck4evar. The '4evar' thing is a little reminiscent of 'Legally Blonde'. Reese rocks. And so does does Glenn.

"GET OFF MY PHONE!!!"

Listen...my inner homo wakes up at the mention of Glenn too. I'm a fucking liberal but just like you...there's just something about him that is soooo inexplicably testosteronically RIGHT.

I, troglaman, think you (Glennbeck4evar) and I have a found common ground. Let's try to erect something memorable we both believe in.

2:05 AM  
Anonymous Elrond Hubbard said...

Troggy sez: Prove it.

Prove what? Prove that talking to you is a waste of time? Of course it is.

This is a lame ass thread and you have contributed mightily to its lameness.

Goodbye, I've got a funeral to attend. Thank you GlennBeck4evar.

P.S. Try a Two Hearted Ale, you'll like it. Share one with your inner homo.

10:08 PM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"Prove what?" elrond

Anything. Please, I beg you.

Although you may be onto something with the Two Hearted Ale. My inner homo didn't like it. Too manly. But I, troglaman, sure did.

1:43 AM  
Anonymous DumbAss Tanker said...

"Are you suggesting that I, troglaman, might be unintelligently designed?"

I'm hardly a religious person, but looking at the totality of the evidence, the possibility certainly cannot be entirely discounted.

8:16 AM  
Anonymous Shambhala said...

I got no gripe with Budweiser, it's a decent lager. Much of the slamming of it is just pretentious piling-on.

No dude. It really sucks. It is "almost beer", "beer wanna-be", "beer for people who hate beer", "beer for people who like pissing".

Fortunately I, Shambhala, live in Colorado. Land of Microbrews. (Of course,Coors sucks even more than Bud)

12:25 PM  
Anonymous Shambhala said...

troglaman said...

Hey. Youre back to your old amusing self again.

No gratuitous cursing. No trolling for the Hell of trolling.

Who are you and what have you done with T-Man?

12:32 PM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"No gratuitous cursing. No trolling for the Hell of trolling." Sham

Fuck your mother, sham. And I've never really understood the "trolling" thing but I've been meaning to ask you about the abortion debate and the meaninglessness of the Iraq invasion.

Let me know when we can talk.

Bud. WTF? It's pretty friggin funny that people get sort of outraged about one's brand of beer because it's, of course, a primary determinant in the all important moonbat/wingnut ratio.

But I, troglaman, sense that you, Sham, have transcended. Why?

Microbrews.

1:39 AM  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home