Slate Writer Reveals Liberal Agenda In The Open
Freudenschade, baby! This is a special edition of the DUmmie FUnnies. Instead of DUmmies or KOmmies or HUffies, we are focusing on Slate senior writer, Timothy Noah, who is so confident of Obama's "victory" in November that he jumped the gun and posted the not so hidden liberal agenda out in the open. You can read his Slate ARTICLE titled, "The New Complacency," as well as an ANALYSIS of that article over at NewsBusters. So let us now join honorary DUmmie Timothy Noah in mid-gloat as he is about to reveal WAY too much in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, thanking Noah's bark, is in the [barackets]:
There's a new scent in the air. If you're a Democrat, you haven't felt it tickle your nostrils since October 1996, when everybody knew that Bill Clinton was about to beat Bob Dole. The perfume hasn't been this strong since October 1964, the eve of Lyndon Johnson's landside presidential victory. It's the sweet smell of success that you can take for granted.
[If a liberal farts by himself and there is on one else around to smell it, will it count as a scent?]
With every passing day, it's harder to imagine that the next president of the United States will be a Republican—even a "maverick" Republican like John McCain. A consensus is emerging that the next president will be Barack Obama, a Democrat. Obama may not win in a landside, as some predict, but the common wisdom is that he will win and that the Democrats will expand their majorities in the House and Senate. Like the houseguests in Agatha Christie's And Then There Were None, swing states are disappearing one by one. Goodbye, Michigan; farewell, Ohio. Will Florida evaporate next? Colorado? Missouri?
[Yes, yes! Count those chickens before they hatch!]
Conservatives can carp all they want about the insularity of the cultural elite, but it's been a very long time since liberals had the chance to experience electoral complacency at the national level. You'll forgive them if they take a moment to taste it, savor it, perhaps bottle a little extra to tide them over during the next conservative ascendancy. Practically the only thing you can't do is securitize it, but it would be churlish to complain about that, given the central role the financial markets' collapse played in bringing the New Complacency about. Democrats, you want to worry about something? Worry about your portfolio!
[Taste it. Savor that Freudenschade victory champagne. It's been a long wait.]
During the past 25 years, there have been countless sentiments that respectable Democratic politicians were never, ever supposed to say out loud for fear of angering the all-powerful Republicans. It still isn't wise for Obama to say them, but maybe the New Complacency will loosen other tongues within the political mainstream. Even if it doesn't, it's fun to think about what those utterances might be. What follows is a list, compiled with help from my fellow Slate staffers. The views expressed don't necessarily reflect those of the contributors—one of whom is a conservative Republican—or even me. But they sure are a refreshing change from what we've been hearing since 1981. With a little luck, they may soon be orthodoxies.
[DUmmie Noah is so confident of victory in November that he lets down his guard and stupidly posts the liberal agenda out in the open. Now comes the really FUn part!!!]
I think Karl Marx had some valuable insights into capitalist economies!
[With a little luck you hope that Karl Marxism becomes our economic orthodoxy.]
I think abortion should be safe and legal. Rare is fine, too, but the way to achieve that is contraception, baby!
I think Mormons are kooks!
The Second Amendment does too allow government to ban handguns!
[Keep that latter one in mind, you Pennsylvania voters.]
Let's standardize the federal age of consent at 16!
Promiscuity between consenting adults is good exercise!
I don't support the troops. I support some troops, depending on whether or not they've committed war crimes!
[And there will be war crimes trials under an Obama administration.]
The military-industrial complex is a greater menace than most foreign nations!
If Israel isn't out of the occupied territories in six months, we'll cut off all aid.
[Be sure to forward that one to Susan Silverman of the Great Schlep.]
America isn't the greatest nation in the world. We think it is only because it's our country. Duh!
[May we now question your patriotism?]
America's official languages should be English and Spanish!
[Kiss goodbye to some more states and deduct them from the Obama column.]
What's so great about the Judeo-Christian tradition?
Big-city values are better than small-town values!
I'm glad the Muslims whupped the Christians during the Crusades! Served 'em right!
[Which explains why the liberals are rooting for the Islamo-Fascists now.]
I'm not a "progressive," for Pete's sake. I'm a liberal!
I'm not a "liberal," for Pete's sake. I'm a leftist!
I'm not a "leftist," for Pete's sake. I'm a democratic socialist!
I'm not a democratic socialist, for Pete's sake. I'm a Communist! Just kidding!
[You might be just kidding but the DUmmies in DUmmieland are not. Okay, folks, please e-mail this edition of the DUmmie FUnnies around so a lot more people out there can find out what the liberals are planning if Obama wins. And thanx to Slate writer, Timothy Noah, for prematurely releasing the not so hidden liberal agenda. By doing so, you might have pulled the rug from under an Obama victory which you are already celebrating.]