DUmmies Nervous About Pennsylvania

The DUmmies are biting their fingers over Pennsylvania as you can see in this THREAD titled, "Pennsylvania's voting machines are almost ENTIRELY electronic, without any paper trail." Yeah, they should be worried. Not only are their Diebold machines preset to the "R" position but the EVIL Republicans have certain factors now at work for them in Pennsylvania that they didn't have in 2004 when they lost that state. I won't say exactly what those changed factors are until AFTER the election except to say: Thanx Hillary! Thanx Fast Eddie! Oh, and Jack Murtha calling western PA voters a bunch of racists sure won't help them there. Of course, he did amend that to merely calling them a bunch of rednecks. So let us watch the DUmmies bite their fingernails in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, getting ready to cast his own Florida ballot later today on a preset electronic machine, is in the [brackets]:

Pennsylvania's voting machines are almost ENTIRELY electronic, without any paper trail.

[That way we can cover our trail. Hee! Hee!]

Given the spotlight and speculation about PA, it is important to remember that the state almost entirely votes on electronic voting machines that have no paper record whatsoever (including in Democratic strongholds such as Philadelphia).

[Which part of PA doesn't use electronic voting machines so we can rush some preset Diebolds in there?]

As Brad on Bradblog.com states, elections in PA therefore become entirely faith-based. There is no evidence whatsoever that any votes were cast at all for most of PA. There is plenty of evidence that it is relatively easy for machines to be hacked to silently flip approximately every 25th or every 50th vote only during election hours, which would be hard (if not impossible) to detect.

[Lining up your excuses already?]

So what happens if pre-election polling puts Obama ahead by 8%, exit polls have him ahead by 6%, and yet McCain wins by 1%?

[And we all know just how scientific exit polls are. Just ask President Kerry.]

The exit polls were off over 6% in the primary (and they were also off in the 2004 presidential election by a similar amount). Exit pollsters will simply chalk it up to older voters not wanting to be interviewed by younger pollsters, non-response bias due to a Bradley affect, and various other excuses

[Excuses, excuses. Get them all lined up in advance.]

But let's say that excuse doesn't fly (or that Obama wins by double digits in all polls yet still loses). Let's say Obama's massive legal team takes the election to court. Let's even say the court can be persuaded that fraud occured (possibly enough to swing the election). It would be very unlikely that a court could be convinced of this, but let's say for the sake of argument that they are convinced.

[They might be convinced but only those judges wearing Guy Fawkes costumes.]

What could possibly be done? Even if the court found evidence of fraud, what could possibly be done to correct the outcome? There wouldn't be any way to recount or audit any of the votes. The only possible way the election could be resolved would be to have another election.

[Known in golfing circles as a Mulligan.]

This would be unprecedented. But even if the court would agree to such a massive remedy (which again is very unlikely), how would that work? Would the election be on the same voting equipment? Or would they switch to paper ballots (a process which has taken many other states months or years to implement)? How would people know to come out and vote again? Would turnout even approximate the turnout on election day?

[Would the moon rise in Uranus? Would that make you happy?]

The one thing that bodes well for Democrats is that there is a Democratic secretary of state (which might prevent some fraud). But my whole point is that even if we don't have a Blackwell or a Harris in charge of elections, what could possibly be done if the results on election day diverge so much from all reasonable polling?

[How about marking your ballots on the back of pizza cartons?]

Finally, some would say that we don't actually need PA, and that we have many other paths to victory. This is a very dubious proposition. Even if we win Colorado, Virginia, Iowa, and New Mexico (plus all the Kerry states), losing PA would cost us the election. We would need to win those 4, as well as Florida, Ohio, North Carolina, or Nevada. This is possible, but it certainly isn't guaranteed (especially given that the national polls are expected to tighten somewhat, which will slightly lower Obama's margins in most swing states).

[Are your fingernails bitten down to the nub yet?]

We need to win PA by a margin that is impossible to steal (if such a margin exists). That is why it is a good thing for Obama's campaign to spend large amounts of money and time. A 5 or 6 point victory may not cut it (and even that would be double Kerry's margin of victory).

[Don't worry. Hillary and Fast Eddie have taken care of everything. Hee! Hee! And now on to the other nervous DUmmies...]

THAT IS WHY McAINT BELIEVES HE CAN FLIP PA!! Looks like all the pieces are falling into place for the Repiggies to steal it again. CRAP!

[Would it help if I apply a wet rag of chloroform to your face so you can wake up on the other side of the election? It will be much less painful that way.]

Everyone should recommend this thread!

[I'll be sure to forward it to Hillary and Fast Eddie. Hee! Hee!]

You really think Rendell is going to allow that to happen?

[Hee! Hee!]

So, should PAans photograph their ballot screens?

[And don't forget to dust them down for suspicious fingerprints.]

We should have the f*cking UN or Canada run our elections...

[How about Hugo Chavez or, better yet, Jimmy Carter.]

Just f*cking crazy. I don't know why intelligent people can't figure out how to vote and have evidence of their f*cking vote. Just f*cking nuts!

[SaveOn has a big sale on Guy Fawkes costumes.]

They should really have a print option. Or like "send to email address" for records. It's so ridiculous. When you book a flight or buy shit online, they always send you a confirmation email.

["This is confirmation that you voted for McCain/Palin. Thank you and enjoy your pizza."]

If we win by a huge margin, it becomes harder to steal.

[Not really. The vote flips are all automatic.]

At least PA's governor is a Democrat

[And a secret PUMA. Hee! Hee!]

Which is why I'm REALLY glad that Fast Eddie is our governor and Pedro Cortes is our SoS

[I'm REALLY glad that Fast Eddie is your governor too. Hee! Hee!]

If the election is stolen in PA, our party leaders will share at least a small part of the blame - they have had SIX YEARS to fix this problem, and have apparently sat on their hands. We can only hope that more has been done behind the scenes than they have let on!

[Oh, I assure you things have been done behind the scenes. Now would you like a nice hit from the chloroform rag?]

People tried and tried and tried to get Democrats in Congress interested in election reform, but hardly anyone gave a shit. So here we are, all these years later, with faith-based voting in far too many places.

["Faith-based voting." I like that term. May I borrow it? I promise to repay you with a nice hit from the chloroform rag.]

let's not forget one thing... Rendell is still the governor

[Close your eyes, lean back, and take a nice big whiff from the chloroform rag.]