Monday, September 18, 2006

"Yesterday, I Bought a Gun"



Remember the movie, The American President? It was standard liberal claptrap written by Aaron ("West Wing") Sorkin. The climax of this forgettable flick was a chip-on-the-shoulder speech by President Andrew Shepherd in which he strongly supported the banning of assault weapons and handguns. That was unquestioned liberal orthodoxy eleven years ago when that movie was made. However, it now appears that the Left has not only ditched the gun control shtick but now actively advocates arming themselves. Not against criminals but to fight against EVIL Republicans. They have even recently embraced the movie, "Red Dawn" which has until recently been denounced as a rightwing flick. Now the DUmmies are embracing this movie as a blueprint for their own imagined survivalist struggle against the Republicans where they fantasize themselves as leftwing Wolverines. This complete change in attitude towards guns can be seen in this DUmmie THREAD titled, "Yesterday, I Bought a Gun." So let us now join the DUmmies as they fantasize themselves as leftist gunslingers in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, wearing a bullet-proof vest, is in the [brackets]:



Yesterday, I Bought a Gun.




[WOLVERINES!!!]




It's a nice .223 mod. What did I buy it for you ask? Protection, nope. Hunting, nope. Harm to Others, Nope. I bought it for the day in my life when a war comes to my backdoor. I plan to keep it safe and very secure from my family and never intend to use it until either the Republican Army or the christians come knocking on my door.




[Of course, this DUmmie doesn't even consider the possibility of a struggle with ACTUAL Muslim terrorists.]




With that said, if they come with hostility, I'll blow their kneecaps off.




[First you have to learn how to aim.]




However, what if this "conflict" never happens, what will I do with this gun? It's simple, I'll be buried with it and a copy of the Constitution because that's what its all about, loving your country, and making sure you and yours are safe.




[You'll be buried under a pile of empty pizza cartons in a testament to your useless life in mommy's basement. Perhaps a friend will ennoble your pathetic existence by setting fire to those pizza cartons to give you a faux Viking funeral.]



For when the sword is mighter than the pen, you will live to see another day.




[Is that from "The Two Towers" or "Return of the King?"]




PS, I hope there are some ammo stores availabe during the apocolypse. Oh wait, we'll have the big black L on our shoulder so we won't be able to buy ammo.




[Even worse, you won't be able to buy toilet paper.]




They steal another election and we'll all be buying guns.




[You can then shoot yourself with a paintgun.]




I'm just saying that another round of Republican rule and we'll all have to become survivalists, 'cuz they don't seem to understand their responsibility to the public when catastrophe hits.




[Can you survive without order out pizza for a week?]




Hey, I'll tell you one other thing, there's a hippy farm about 30 miles from where I live. Hell I'll just head down there. The feds never mess with their "Hemp" production.




[Smoke all the hemp you want. Why change your lifestyle?]




Russian soldiers refused to fire on their countrymen...
---- And American soldiers, except for a few nutcases, will do so, too. In fact, it is highly unlikely that the Pentagon would follow the neocons down the path to military dictatorship. Not everyone is as crazy as the PNAC. ---- But just for the record, the American population is just about the best-armed civilian population on Earth. Those attempting to enforce widespread martial law would be faced off against 30-40 million armed Americans,.... who, after the first week, would have M-16's, too. ---- Thomas Jefferson could scarcely have imagined where history and technology would lead, but he understood human nature. 2nd amendment gun rights are not about hunting or recreation.




[I'm tempted to make the LOUSY FREEPER TROLL accusation but now I'm not so sure since the DUmmies have done a big one-eighty on the topic of gun control when they started thinking they would have to fight the EVIL Republicans.]




As far as a personal arsenal goes, I'd recommend one handgun (concealable defensive weapon,) one 12 gauge shotgun, and one rifle such as an AR-15, Kalashnikov, M-1 Garand or SKS.




[A DUmmie munitions expert weighs in.]




JOIN THE NRA NOW!!!!.....AND SHOW Them that libs and progressives beleieve in the right to bare arms.....




[Benburch believes in the right to bare buttocks.]




Lets satrt the DRA !!!




[DUmmie Rifle Association.]




But, at this point in time, there are other things to be concerned about and plan for. For instance, there's no doubt the blog-o-sphere has hurt these bastards. What happens if they decide to take it down under the guise of some free market bullshit? We all KNOW the corporate media hates the competition. One day DU just doesn't come up anymore. What multiplies our strength is the ability to communicate and get the truth out. It would be prudent to have other options available, wouldn't it ?




[Don't worry. I told Karl Rove to keep the blog-o-sphere up and running since you DUmmies are such a rich source for DUFU comedy material.]




Yep, and if you're going to use your gun to fight fascists,
those fascists are likely to be in the form of a SWAT team, so you'll want to aim for the head, as the torso will be heavily armored.




[And of course the fascists that this DUmmie means are EVIL Republicans, not actual Islamofascist terrorists.]




I used to be adamantly anti-gun. No more. I haven't bought a gun yet, but I've thought about it.




[Especially after watching the "V For Vendetta" fantasy.]




I recently bought one too... It's a nice .40cal Ruger Semi-Auto, and it scares the living hell out of me. I've taken it out the the shooting range a few times now and there are no questions that it will obliterate anything unfortunate enough to be on the receiving end. I hope to God that never happens, but I'm starting to feel a sense of security when I think about the fundamentalist nut jobs taking to the streets to bring us all to Jesus... If you start pushing your religious ideology on the rest of us, or dicking around with our civil rights, you'd best skip my place...




[Another DUmmie apparently unaware of the proclivities of REAL LIFE decapitating Islamofascist terrorists. Instead he lives in a "V For Vendetta" dreamworld.]



i am also armed with a .223 M4 carbine. The perfect CQB weapon next to the MP5, but can 'reach out and touch someone' effectively at 300 meters. You may want a sidearm too, a 9mm or .45ACP, as a last ditch defense or for a suicide out in a no-win worst case scenario. In these insane times its a sane choice to have a service weapon to defend your home. It's what's commonly referred to an STHF scenario, or Shit Hit The Fan, when society collapses into turmoil from civil unrest, catastrophic disasters, tyrannical government, religious fanatics, or zombies rising from the dead.



[I recommend you go straight to that suicide scenario from the get-go.]




As for the Microwave units that will undoubtedly be used against the populace at some point, since we're all guinea pigs to them anyway, bring a roll of TIN FOIL, drop it to the ground as you hang onto the free end of the roll in front of your body - creating a shield, and not only will it offer some protection, it will also play havoc with the unit sending the microwaves, especially if a BUNCH of people aimed the waves right back at them.

[And don't forget to roll that tinfoil into the shape of a hat to wear on your head.]

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I have a VERY SPECIAL offer for my DUmmie FUnnies fans. It is a product I have been using myself and fully endorse: the amazing HELICOPTER KITE. This helicopter kite flies like a helicopter. You can make it go hundreds of feet into the air or hover it just a couple of feet off the ground. The propellor rotation is done entirely by windpower. Please check out the VIDEO of the INCREDIBLE helicopter kite. Not only was the helicopter kite aerodynamically designed but it is also MADE IN THE USA! The helicopter kites have a LIFETIME warranty so all defective or broken parts will be replaced. Your purchase of the helicopter kite will not only provide you with lots of FUn this summer but it will also help keep the DUmmie FUnnies going. So take a look at the VIDEO and be AMAZED!

10 Comments:

Blogger Britt said...

HAHAHAHAHAHA

Dummies with guns. ROFLMAO.

Yeah right.

Look out WERE COMIGN TO GET YOU!!!!

Ogga boogga

Boo!!!!

9:26 PM  
Blogger JorgXMcKie said...

Has anyone explained which is the business end to them?

10:16 PM  
Anonymous DumbAss Tanker said...

But Jorg, discovery learning can be so amusing to watch!

12:32 AM  
Blogger Son Of The Godfather said...

Funny: DUmmie Commandos.

Funnier: DUmmies looking down the site of a sizeable gauged gun without ever having experienced the phenomenon of "recoil".

Funniest: DUmmies attempting to disengage the safety during a time of crisis when they're pissing themselves.

1:59 AM  
Anonymous Gianni said...

But, at this point in time, there are other things to be concerned about and plan for. For instance, there's no doubt the blog-o-sphere has hurt these bastards. What happens if they decide to take it down under the guise of some free market bullshit? We all KNOW the corporate media hates the competition. One day DU just doesn't come up anymore. What multiplies our strength is the ability to communicate and get the truth out. It would be prudent to have other options available, wouldn't it ?

Who is it that advocates the "Fairness Doctrine" and the BCRA again? I don't believe it's conservatives...

3:41 AM  
Anonymous Ray said...

However, what if this "conflict" never happens, what will I do with this gun? It's simple, I'll be buried with it and a copy of the Constitution because that's what its all about, loving your country, and making sure you and yours are safe.

LOL This DUmmie actually wants to be buried with a gun? The right to keep and bear arms, even after death! That's not something a liberal would do, is it? My god, wouldn't that prevent them from entering Liberal Heaven (you know, that place where liberals actually have some power)?

10:57 AM  
Anonymous John F Not Kerry said...

"I'm starting to feel a sense of security when I think about the fundamentalist nut jobs taking to the streets to bring us all to Jesus... If you start pushing your religious ideology on the rest of us, or dicking around with our civil rights, you'd best skip my place..."

How would they feel if I blew the head off of a Sierra Club clipboard warrior? To me, that's pushing religious ideology on me. But what do I do? Like a real wuss, I say "No thanks" and shut the door.

6:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Liberals crumbling from within...the smell of freudenshade...or is that schadenfreude?

11:50 PM  
Blogger ntk said...

Kerry believed in freudenschade before he believed in schadenfreude. I hope that answers your question.

12:06 PM  
Anonymous Evans said...

Kerry believed in freudenschade before he believed in schadenfreude. I hope that answers your question.

8:51 AM  

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